How to Keep Your Cool Against Narcissists

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Want to learn more about how to keep your cool against narcissists? Join me on this free webinar:👉 www.rebeccazung.com/live

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

I'll be there for you!

[@friendoftheocean]

Hi Rebecca, as a single dad raising my daughter alone I sincerely want to thank you for all you do. It’s been soooo validating after 7 years of devaluation, gaslighting, and confusion. After the battle of my life I just won full custody of my 8 yr old daughter and ironically it was all the smearing and lies that actually worked for me in court not against me! Ironically my daughter’s therapist and her GAL saw through all the crazy 🤪. The tactics you describe truly do work…and I mean wow do they work! Just signed up for the webinar Feb 10th and looking forward to it.

[@jameynorman7590]

I keep my cool shutting the door while she was talking after unexpectedly dropping my twins off felt so good ! It’s sad your Video is 100 percent correct! I’m gong thru this mess 27 years married with 2 grown kids unfortunately now 2 one boy one girl twins only 5 and I’m going thru this with a real covert never knew it all these years ! Never has contributed one thing ! Now she’s entitled to every thing basically my life and belongings and somehow I’m a mean abusive terrible person ! Thank you you bring me such sanity Rebecca your beautiful and smart I love your voice too , a real god send for me at this time! I hate this for my 2 Babies they are nothing but a pawn for her she is evil !iv been ignoring her only talking for the transfer of my babies now she stared surprise appearances to remove and bring them home ! It’s sick I will have full custody one day ! Thank you for your videos !!!

[@brandirobinson8430]

You'll want to defend yourself, but defending yourself is what they want. It's called the diversion tactic. They get you defending yourself instead of focusing on their unacceptable behavior. You know the truth! You don't have to defend the truth! Engaging is playing their game!! Winner holds the cards. Don't fold! Stand bold!

[@tracytritle7221]

I keep my cool!!! Went no contact!!!

[@harmonycarpenter1894]

How can I do this without coming off rude like I’m ignoring him?

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

Call a thing a thing. Put it back on them.

[@kimgordon3695]

Table Turner's

[@mobileradiofitter]

​@@harmonycarpenter1894 listen to her words in this video, the most important thing is to not bite when they start throwing their anger at you. When I went through this it reminded me of working in sales when I was younger. I was pleasant to all the customers, but I had so many to deal with I noticed some wanted way to much time looking to me for what they wanted, I got into a rhythm with it and gave them a short amount of time explaining its their choice what they want, then moved to another customer. I'd return to the one dithering and make light humour of it. Are you stil here, too many choices hey, sorry we recently removed the sofa, it was fun. Most times I got the sale and they left happy. Your haven't got all the answers to someone's problems, keep it light, and keep moving. Sorry you've had a bad day, hey I found this walk we could do on the weekend, what do you think. Or that's terrible, I've gota hoover the hall quick, I'll put on the kettle on first and make a cup of tea, keep moving, acknowledge their sadness, just don't bite, they want a solution but then turn quick when you offer one saying don't tell them what to do. I might be wrong but this worked for me

[@julianterris]

"He who angers you, conquers you" ~Elizabeth Kenny.

[@yvettedesmarais8107]

They intentionally trigger you so they can blame you for injuring them.

[@Amazingme17]

Yup!! That's how my husband does. Then all of a sudden I'm the wrong one for flipping out🧐

[@traffy269]

Oh so tru 👍

[@bobbarker1798]

Well said.

[@brandirobinson8430]

L is so hard. You just have to remember their perception of you does not define you!

[@ivyforonda3675]

That is so correct!

[@bridgetnegron6914]

I KEEP MY COOL!!!! I will not allow him to have MY POWER!!

[@NewBeginnings413]

Do not react , only respond. Made a big difference for me.

[@RedDragonProtection]

It was easier to stop getting upset when I stopped caring for or about her. And that helps me keep my cool. ;)

[@shelleynamdar7103]

One thing that works for me is to act oblivious to their behavior, much like the footage of the woman toward the end of your video who's got her headphones on, and she's just jamming out, while people are trying to get her to react to them. I'm so preoccupied with my own business that their drama misses slapping my face and slides right off my back, and I don't even appear to notice. This has made these toxic people crazy, fervently trying to gain my attention through unnecessary emails, etc. Their reaction has been just like clockwork and, for once, I feel like they're no longer controlling my emotions. I am cool and I'm in control. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, confidence, courage, and compassion with us, Ms. Zung!

[@raeshaker2126]

Keeping cool with powerful words. It works. It is hard to keep cool. Remember, we once had and may still have a powerful emotional bond that deep down wants their approval and acceptance. Also, they attack us on our core values -- that hurts! But I remind myself, I'm the one in control -- they are just reacting to the adolescent that still controls them. I'm the adult in the room. That is a power feeling.

[@Misses.keys1]

Yesss it’s like you’re at a haunted house but just don’t react to being “scared”

[@rad9541]

@@Misses.keys1 this is a very good way to think of it !

[@glendaeddy859]

"I, KEEP MY COOL" Without Question.

[@vanessamorey3812]

Sometimes doing NOTHING is the hardest thing anyone can imagine accomplishing. That's just it. Know your truth. Don't engage don't defend don't take the bait. Just do nothing at all and they cannot do anything but implode!!!

[@truthseeker8882]

Amen

[@kimgordon3695]

Observe : don't React, #RESPOND

[@kimgordon3695]

3:25

[@stockkilla1189]

After 14 years of "co-parenting" with a narcissist, rule #1 has been to keep a cool head and don't engage. Well thought out limited responses that are distant from the bait...priceless. It's all about remaining disengaged, even when they toss you right into it.

[@TruthBeTold0914]

How do you do it when it comes to your kid though? I'm in the beginning stages of "co-parenting" with a NPD. All I want to do is protect my kid from it. It's overwhelming.

[@stockkilla1189]

@@TruthBeTold0914 I unequivocally understand how you feel. To put it blatantly, it's not our job to protect our children from their other parent. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, your child will feel the residual effects of the NPD's behavior and it is a gut punch. The best thing I did was maintain a separate consistent household and never behave or speak negatively about the other parent. The faster you separate from the NPD's web, the better off your child will be. We were fortunate to have a child coordinator at the beginning who said "...so long as the child has one stable parent, the child will fine." She was on the money.

[@marilynmoore8353]

Been married to one 30 years ! Always knew something was wrong but couldn't pinpoint it . Started learning about this disorder 3 yrs ago . Needless to say i was pretty bitter and still have bouts' with it butttt i don''t react AT ALL amymore . High anxiety on both sides in his family . He's i guess what the call the grandiose narc. Everyone thinks he's the greatest because he hides behind the bible . Anyway you are helping many people thru this . Thankyou for what you're doing . :)

[@BeautifulJess19]

I’m married to one also he knows the Bible like the back of his hand. We been married 3 years I can’t do this anymore I have to get out this marriage.

[@suejohnson535]

Thank you for your video & every one comments here & may you & every one here be safe & blessed .

[@24FlyChy]

I live with a narcissist and I need to get away. Thanks for the tips, because it's overwhelming

[@katceeee]

Same here

[@liberiangirl521]

Me too

[@Twinkiepie52]

It's exhausting

[@breezyvibe]

If I wasn't working full time plus overtime I would binge watch your entire video catalogue from start to finish, non-stop. You SO get it.

[@miccassady9450]

It"s so evil to bait someone into becoming furious and play the victim of their anger. "See how you are? You need psych meds". If you ask a question they reframe the question to mean something other than what you asked. When you try to clarify, they talk over you. If you complain that you were cut off, they act like you're being unreasonable. And they use your anger and frustration as proof that you are unreasonable..

[@ronlu2952]

Thank you so much! I am a seventy year old man married for 44 year and I am in tears! 🙏🙏🙏

[@mobileradiofitter]

I remember a few social moments with my ex, when she would freak out about the most simple of things are scenarios, id stand back slightly, first thought was embarrassment, then id apologise to the other person through my eyes, keep your cool, dont fight their battles because it will all be thrown back at you.

[@petermarcus9456]

COOL, I've lost it a couple of times & felt bad & confused about it. Thanks, now I understand what happened. I (will) KEEP MY COOL!

[@ginakuhlmann211]

I am going to keep my COOL next month on the 3rd of August 2022, im asking for full custody of my son after single handedly raised him after the Narc dumped us 8 year's ago when i lost my job and had nothing. I begged him to be in his son's life and he just ignored us, now that i want full parental rights for a child he doesn't even know he refuses a to give me the rights and claims that i kept him away from the child. It has been a difficult journey with the courts because he has fabricated so many lies it is unbelievable. I am ready to expose him, I have my leverage, im well prepared, i have the truth and i am ready to be cool and calm, I love you so much, your videos have helped so so much, after years of court and social workers, i finally managed to get temporary rights and now im fighting for those rights to be made permanent... thank you, thank you... Thank you❤️

[@ratgirl13]

Yes, I have to keep my cool, because if said person makes me lose my shit I’m going to be doing twenty to life-so, he loses his cool and I microwave popcorn and coldly watch the clown and laugh instead of letting him bother me.

[@scottcaldwell7216]

You keep your cool by not caring! My BM is a narcissist and I only communicate about our child. Anything else, I act as she is a ghost! If she has something smart or narcissistic to say, turn the other cheek without emotion. This will drive them crazy! It becomes comical

[@jolly7728]

Ms. Zung astounds me with her ability to package critical information in a way that we can remember and use. This is my takeaway: cool -- chill, active observing, passive observing, let it go. And words -- if you are a believer there are tons of empowering verses of scripture available. Pick a few. Indeed, everything in this video is consistent with the Christian sacred writings found in the Bible. I absolutely love Rebecca Zung's upbeat delivery style. Bear in mind, however, that the ultimate goal is to avoid contact with the narcissist. While the video contains excellent information, it is unsustainable. Leave the narc asap. If you allow them to, they will stop at nothing to destroy you.

[@forgivemore4488]

They love when you lose your mind over them. I'm getting a divorce. I'm going about 85% no contact...and I have not lost my cool in quite some time. Feels amazing!

[@jpendot]

I keep my cool, I keep my cool!!!!

[@samariapenaloza9235]

"I keep MY Cool." Been busy dealing with a narcissistic family dynamic. So ready to be over it! I'm gearing up to be moved out by summer's end. N looking forward to it, along with reclaiming my since of high vibeing Spirit! That whenever I'm outside of their house I get back my confidence n vigor.

[@rad9541]

This is happening to me at work now. I'm finding out that the more money a job pays the more narcissists work there. But watching these videos is helping me put up with it

[@randomness777]

Thanks for all your info and videos, Rebecca

[@linafalvo699]

Once you really don’t care anymore, whatever they say to you, it does not effect you in any way. Because they mean nothing….

[@tracyross5831]

Because, THEY ARE NOTHING 👍🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

[@mariahowen5613]

That was a therapy session for me today. Thank you🙏

[@kevyd5627]

Thank you Counselor Zung. AMAZING instruction

[@renztaylor5904]

I keep my cool. My god this has been the craziest battle. He has his stuff packed… finally! But this is just the beginning.

[@josee-karineanglade2]

I keep my COOL!👍You rock Ms Zung! Thanks for another insightful video.

[@notarealgamer1015]

I meditate on Bible verses and pray before I meet with the three narc's I have to deal with. I like your method but sometimes I have no energy to rely on myself I love Matthew 11:28 Isaiah 41:10 Psalms 23 and Exodus 14:14. This method works like a charm

[@Amazingme17]

Today is a great day to slay. I will keep my cool!!!💞💞

[@jamespimentel1794]

I keep my cool I keep my cool I know how to keep my cool yay!

[@trishstillman2855]

Thank you for all your insight... I'm with him today and "keeping my cool"

[@tricias120]

I keep my cool. I can be in control of my emotions.

[@SuperSoobi]

So fed up with myself because I reached out to my narc husband to bond again and of course he delighted in the opportunity to make me feel unwanted and even made it feel like I was trying to get an appointment with a doctor! such a busy man working on his computer which never earns any money but absorbs every spare moment he has in life. Yes I should know by now. but like a moth to a flame I try to make things normal or at least warmer than the cold convenient relationship he has created - no longer wants to sleep with me, talk to me, or be disturbed by me ,so I starting shouting that he should leave, then offered him divorce, with me paying back all the debts on my beloved home - that he walked into, with no job, and then took out loans on so he could buy more of the computer stuff he wanted. Such an idiot so stupid, but Rebecca you are so clear and helpful and you give me hope that one day I may feel strong and be happy. One more thing and I am sorry for rant, but to deal with them you have to lose empathy for them and that is when you start to feel you are going mad because you are not built that way and it literally feels like you are becoming like them, the very worst thing to feel. Can you help with that?

[@judihart9658]

Oh! They hate that.They're convinced you'll react the way they want. #walk away.👍😎✌️🙂

[@Beth.Free1224]

I’m going to have to work on this. I need to keep my cool. I am detached from the ex. so I usually use sarcasm without being emotionally involved. It took a long time to get to that point. But thanks, it’s something I’ll ponder and work on.

[@toody1117]

I keep my cool!

[@CLHS1944]

I keep my cool. I just turn over all to authorities. My life is great and I will not let his miserable life or self touch mine🔥

[@dawnshively6731]

Thank u for all the time u spend telling. Us these things they r needed

[@dawnshively6731]

I know how to keep my cool

[@Anna-gz2sh]

How do you recoup after you fall into the trap? Thanks for your tips Rebecca and for everyone who is commenting, thank you for your words of courage. I am a work in progress, but I really want to get through this and I will hold your words close. I broke this past Thursday. Felt like a fool, he threatened calling the cops but chickened our because he is a coward. Worse part, what was he going to tell them? My wife is crazy because she is accusing me of cheating???? What an idiot. Sorry. I'm good now. Been three days I left with the children taking them on activities and my husband(hate calling him that), said "you don't have to leave everyday to give me space." Idiot! Typical, he thinks I was doing this for him. Instead, I had so much fun with my boys with family and friends. We still came back to sleep, it was just late. Felt amazing. You'll be proud of me to know, to his comment, I just walked away. It did feel good. I just don't want to fall again. I will try until I can get out!!! But for now, I'm too scared to leave for financial reasons.had to start over.recently I had a stroke and recovering well. Thank goodness.

[@ArieStylez18]

I’m going to keep my cool. Sometimes you have to just love them from a far and leave

[@johnreno891]

I owned a commercial building with a narcissist. I did know about it went we bought it. I had to force the sale of building. He paid a big price. Imagine being in a building for a year trying to run a business with someone you have a lawsuit against. Turn the tables. They want to drag you into the dirt with them. Dont do it. I would bring up a issue and he would do the narc thing and I would say we are not talking about that, we are talking about this only. Give them no time, they are damaged.

[@thebjm1967]

I struggle with this on the daily. My husband is a covert narcissist who is like a Jekyll and Hyde living two separate lives. So many times I have reacted in anger and rage even. My anxiety has worsened so much. I have started saying a mantra of “it’s not worth it” to myself over and over.

[@sallyhutt5201]

Same here I just look at them Winking And keep walking cause I'm a WARRIOR💯💯💯

[@kevyd5627]

I'm CHILL.

[@brandirobinson8430]

Thank you!

[@daivaselmistraitiene4365]

I keep my cool 💪

[@fannyleani2507]

Thanks Dear Rebecca!!

[@neroli521]

I keep my cool. I keep my cool. I know how to keep my cool.

[@freddynovember5842]

I keep my cool. I keep my cool. I know how to keep my cool. Thank you. I quit using my courage symbol and I didn't really realize thats what I did. I will find a new one.

[@melissadinapoli7253]

What an AMAZING way to handle the drama trauma and chaos!! I love it 😍

[@crankypantsmcduff]

It's hard to get away when they follow you and hound you and bang and scream and shout.

[@Chelsea_greenberg]

Getting to know my sister! Finally! Gosh. It’s like you’re reading them like a book! Thank you! Sadly, I still love my sister, but like the so cliched phrase: I love myself MORE

[@hanlibadenhorst7837]

I keep my cool

[@Missladybug62]

My badass version of myself... Love it.. Love you, you are classy and Sassy.. Thank you 🙏

[@marlenepoulin9554]

I keep my cool whatever it takes

[@j.d.b.pennamesonofharraant3367]

I'm an Emotional SOB like my father was before me .... I get carried away sometimes ..... That's why I call you my Manager

[@susangeorge5399]

I'll keep my cool!

[@karyfarrell7166]

I try to keep my cool ! Still learning

[@chrissylakegirl6007]

I CAN Keep my Cool!

[@fannyleani2507]

It"s difficult for me to keep cool. I like very much the idea of taking a brake

[@christopherrosado6053]

I keep my cool

[@j.d.b.pennamesonofharraant3367]

T⚡B ... I am working on keeping my cool

[@barbararodriguez5792]

I Keep my Cool!

[@mobileradiofitter]

Hey Rebecca i just want to say i love your videos and greatful of all your advice, i can tell you've got a good sense of homour even while your being professional, this video is spot on, for anyone dealing with a narcissistic partner, listen to this 10 times so it really sinks in

[@arthuraumell1331]

Great videos thankyou so much! Helped me out alot❤

[@brandirobinson8430]

There's "His" story, and the real story. Paul Harvey comes to mind. 😅😉👍💜

[@thatway7616]

🌌 🦸 💫 👓 🤓

[@lindagallagher7847]

Thanks Rebecca 👌😃, I keep my cool yessss

[@jalisky]

I'm keeping my cool

[@jeanlanie1]

I keep my cool :) Thanks for posting.

[@upnext970]

I keep my cool… I keep my cool!!!!!

[@jessyb1127]

I have a parent coordinator in my custody agreement. She said I have to answer his email but he ignores my emails sometimes. How do I deal with this? He keeps emailing if I don't give him his way.

[@Cekatu]

You don't have to do anyrhing! Tell her you will forward his emails and SHE can respond to him.

[@kimmyc8233]

I Keep My Cool, I Keep My Cool, I Keep My Cool

[@petercofrancesco8979]

Tony Mirra , What's A Narcissist ? Never Met One ! RIP , Cousin .✝️🇺🇸🗽🇮🇹 .

[@annasqueo3670]

Great advice about keeping it COOL

[@marcussmith5186]

I keep My cool

[@cherylecooper9169]

I Will keep my cool.

[@tmt3253]

Now days I've been keeping my cool much better

[@rad9541]

Me too because of videos like these im learning how to handle this

[@markdyke8150]

I'm 67 years old over 50 years of narcissistic abuse from multiple people the best thing I've ever done in my life is to lose my cool and cuss them out the worst thing I ever did was to keep my cool keep your cool keep the narcissist in your life lose your cool losing nurses in your life

[@gabyschettini7633]

I keep my cool!!.. its hard but Im trying very hard. 💪

[@dronejunkie2951]

You are so cool and great videos 👍

[@thebjm1967]

What should you do if you try walking away but they follow you and won’t let you escape? My husband does this all the time where I say I need to leave the room and take a break or I say I’m not going to engage and he comes running after me and follows me into a corner and just keeps screaming and pushing my buttons

[@vineethathomas799]

Keeping cool with creeps.....so uphill work....I will try my best to...

[@sjcaidon4629]

Just remember it's a chess game don't let their move upset you... they have a purpose what they say to upset you isn't real...

[@Shameless888]

I had to get an AVO against my ex, because I kept loosing my cool towards his nasty emails or texting. I knew nothing about him but he knew so much about me. I fell in love with someone who didn’t deserve my love. He tried to make out I was the crazy one

[@TenderhornH]

"I KEEP MY COOL!"

[@magdalerouge718]

I’ll keep my cool 😎

[@geoffreybudge3027]

Yeah we all get pissed with the way our friends treat the spouses . You know … the blame game , their never wrong , their to perfect to be wrong . I think it starts at an early age from lack of love . My change came late in life when I started to realize I blamed everything on someone else . I started using the Catholic Mia Copa to say ( my fault , my fault , my ultimate fault ) fault rather than sin because I started to learn of my failings .

[@vegangoddess9019]

It’s so hard because of lack of consistency!!!!!!!

[@shimmy2708]

I keep my cool.

[@JesusQueen-k3l]

What was the meanings for WORDS ?

[@j.d.b.pennamesonofharraant3367]

Rebecca is awesome