How to say NO when someone asks you to sew for them?

How to say NO when someone asks you "Can you sew this for me?". That is because you want to say no as it is a silly request or from someone you barely know! (It happens to ALL of us!)
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[@Evelyn__Wood]

😀 How do you say no?? Develop you your garment sewing skills with me at Vintage Sewing School www.vintagesewingschool.com/

[@almostheavenhomestead1680]

I don't say "no" per se but I do hand them a price list and tell them I can't fit them in for a few weeks. lol. This deters anyone who is not serious.

[@4gma59]

@@almostheavenhomestead1680 Best answer award!!

[@marygood906]

I’m a knitter. When someone asked me to make socks for them I said I would trade them time. They could come and clean my house and while they were doing that I would knit on their socks. I’ve also used the answer of telling them I would teach them how to do it themselves. Both of these have worked well for me.

[@shortforkatana]

Brilliant answer!

[@theresaanndiaz3179]

I did that once, it worked like a charm.

[@Suziecurls]

I like that. Brilliant!

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Brilliant!! I would absolutely sew for some of they were cleaning my house at the same time! 😆

[@1015SaturdayNight]

Oh that is SO good.

[@astitchatatime8195]

When someone says: But it's your hobby?! I always reply with: Yes, it's my hobby to make things for me, for other people it becomes a transaction

[@m1m5yp28]

My daughter and son in law asked me to alter some huge curtains to fit their new house. I looked at the curtains and realised that they would need unpicking. So I gave them an unpicker and told them to remove all the stitching. About a month later they brought them to me and I did the sewing (in about two days) but they’ve stopped asking me, now they realise it’s not as easy as it looks lol

[@4gma59]

And THAT is how it’s done. Nothing develops empathy like “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.” Well done, M1M5yp!!

[@aloras405]

You’re absolutely correct about fast fashion making it so people don’t understand the value of hand made things. I will do commissions for friends. I made a costume for a friend, who paid me for my time by buying materials for one of my own costumes. When she wore it to a convention, a lady asked me if I’d make another one for her daughter. I said I would for $700. The lady went off saying how she could get it on Amazon for $100 and I should be grateful for her business. I responded with “that particular costume can’t be found on Amazon. I know because I have looked. Anything you get there for that price is probably sweatshop work. And there’s over 100 hours of work in my friend’s costume. That’s $7 an hour. My quality of work is worth more than that.”

[@shammydammy2610]

Exactly. Each of my costumes is a labor of love and an immense amount of work. My husband wore one of my cosplays to his work place's costume contest and his boss broad hinted about having me make one for him until hubby mentioned how long it took and how much the supplies alone cost...even though much of it was thrift shop sourced.

[@khaley37781]

Good for you!

[@bobbieyoder7223]

I’ve replied - I can teach you… we’ll do it together. NEVER have I even been taken up on that offer.

[@jirup]

My favourite response to the outlandish can you sew me XYZ question is "Can you paint my house?"

[@dianemorrall2687]

I listened to another KZbinr who briefly discussed this topic. She said even the simplest garment to make often takes her two days to prepare and sew, in between her other commitments to family, etc. She said she didn't think even her closest friends would give up two days just for her, so she says, 'No' to any requests to make for others. Sewing is her hobby, her love and she just sews for herself.

[@joantomlin7281]

When I was sewing for the public, I timed myself on a project or myself- a t-shirt dress with an added placket, with the fitting alterations I normally do for myself. It took 6 hours. When you add in measuring, consullting, and shopping , that's a day's work.

[@dianemorrall2687]

@@joantomlin7281 Yes people don't understand this.

[@rosannastark620]

Yeah others don't realize sewing take days, not hours.

[@mavismau8555]

@@rosannastark620 totally agree! And sometimes feel upsetted when they said the finished piece is not what they expected.

[@SolveigMineo]

It is sad to hear that so many sewists feel the need to devaluate themselves instead of being able to say no to disrespectful requests :( It sounds like : - "hey I need you to work for free for me since I think your time has no value and your skills dont deserve a payment -Sorry I am actually bad, stupid and unskilled." Ugh women have internalized so much self devaluation

[@4gma59]

As a former hairdresser, let me just say: NEVER start giving away your services, downpricing your services, or doing work for people who suddenly want to be your ''friend.". You will regret it. Your mindset has to be that you're WORTH PAYING. You'll get pushback -- so be prepared to REPEAT the exact. same. answer. over and over until they stop.

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Yes!!!!! 😄😄

[@MissRedheadRapunzel]

A real mate wants your business to flourish and would ask what your normal rate is or if they can provide something back like a skill they are good at or to work with you on the project. They respect the time and your relationship

[@4gma59]

@@MissRedheadRapunzel You're so right. It may hurt to see someone go, and rarely associate with you again because you wouldn't give them a ''deal'' or a ''freebie." Especially if you weren't expecting it. But as the saying goes -- When someone shows you who they are...believe them.

[@susanskidmore9516]

Same history here (hairdressor, makeup artist &wardrobe consultant) and 4gm59 says it perfectly. Thank you.

[@esmesvintagecloset]

Absolutely this. I haven't been a practicing lawyer for over 5 years, but people *still* ask, even now, for free legal advice. I get the same for my sewing (and I run a business!). As my mum used to tell me, "no is a complete sentence."

[@angelkeith4767]

My personal favorite and go to response is usually “Give me a call at this number (pass them my business card) and we can get together and work through the patterning and write up the contract. I don’t do any sewing commissions without a written contract with itemized costs.”

[@davederrick9431]

Excellent, only way to go.

[@brendabijak7171]

Yes, I have done this as well. They don't really want a hard and firm agreement, they just want you to do it....NOPE

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Perfect!! 😀

[@shevaunhandley1543]

Fantastic

[@dindranew.6808]

Add "especially for someone I care about..." so THEY feel guilty if they don't want to do this.

[@MrsSoup-iu4pq]

A reason is a foothold for an argument. I just say, "No, I don't do that." It is not any ruder than asking someone you hardly know to do you favors.

[@astra2007]

I fully agree. The moment you start giving excuses, they start coming up with objections or ways around it so you can see your way clear to sew for them. When you simply say "No" there's nothing to pursue.

[@karlaroberts6754]

I always say, "Just like lending money, I don't sew for friends of family cause it never works out!!"🤣🤣🤣

[@aishai5626]

OMG! I love this response. Will be practicing it in the shower 😂

[@eunicehehir6374]

Brilliant!!

[@belindafuentes707]

Yes because they are going to criticize your work, if they do not like it.

[@aishai5626]

I have gotten lots of pushback on “hobby”, “slow”, “too busy,” “not good enough”, so now I tell people that they can borrow my old sewing machine. If they say that they don’t know how, I tell them if they want custom, they can learn how. This really stumps them. I also recommend the local tailors for mending, hemming and copying garments. I tell people the Indian tailors in our India town are amazing and fast at copying. When people tell me they want to pay me, not someone else, I say, if I wanted to make money, I would go back to work in my former field.

[@lauratieri5025]

I have said (to someone I don't particularly like, mind you) simply No... and when they pushed back I simply stated that I don't want to and walked away from them.

[@jirup]

Exactly, if I wanted to simply make money I would go back to waged work.

[@aishai5626]

@@jirup I do a number of crafts and everyone thinks every one should be monetized. I find it so aggravating. It really shows how disconnected people are from actual production. They seriously have no idea why manufactured products are so cheap and why handmade is not affordable for most people.

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Brilliant answer!! 😀

[@jirup]

@@aishai5626 I like to educate people on why things are so cheap in the shops in comparison to handmade. Most aren't expecting a lecture on the political economy of global capitalism, but I have an BA majoring in Sociology so that is exactly what they get.

[@christineclarke1653]

I say "No". If they persist, I say, "Unless I've birthed you, you're me or I've wiped your arse, NO." My view is, if they are rude enough to keep asking, they have given me permission to be rude back.

[@missmatti]

The "you cannot afford me"-answer is good. I used that one on a former friend that once said to me something along the lines of "Knitwear is so expensive, it's great that you are studying knitwear design so that you can make cheaper knitted pieces for me later" and I went on to say my pieces will be at least $300 or more (which I know this person would never pay as she is a cheapskate) so she is better off buying her knitwear from high street brands. She had nothing to say to that. 😆

[@Evelyn__Wood]

😂😂😂 oh this is great! It's amazing how much fast fashion has impacted the idea of how much a garment should cost!

[@dindranew.6808]

@@Evelyn__Wood Right? "My handmade sweater would last you decades, not a season. That's reflected in the cost." BAH. I don't actually knit, but a very good friend does, and I SEE how long that s&*^ takes her!

[@b4d69]

i'm assuming that's why he/she is now a 'former' friend!

[@missmatti]

@@b4d69 🤣All I will say is that I wish I had seen this comment as a warning sign back then.

[@missmatti]

@@Evelyn__Wood Totally! 😅 Fast fashion is no longer the cheaper option. No, now it's the "price guide on how much things should cost". 😒

[@myrtlecatchpole8089]

It always astounds me how undervalued sewists are. Don't they realise that if it was so inexpensive, we would all be going out and ordering handmade, bespoke, made to measure wardrobes? I just tell people I don't take commissions. For those who persist, I'm afraid I resort to sarcasm and ask them which part of 'no' don't they understand? In really extreme cases, the subject of hell freezing over might come up.

[@sabrina.h2737]

My answer is that I won't live long enough to get to their project with all the things I've got to make already.

[@dale3404]

I like that one. I say “Get back to me when I retire” or something in that vein. I’ll be retiring in two years, so won’t be able to use that excuse for much longer!! I’ll be moving 3-1/2 hours away, so can use that excuse.

[@panacheluxury4262]

Too funny, lol.

[@dindranew.6808]

I got "but you aren't a professional seamstress; why would you even charge?" once from a coworker. There are so many logical knots to that one, I didn't know where to start. I think I said something like, "hahahaha."

[@cleverpaws9035]

Knitting rather than sewing, but a friend asked me to teach them. About 5 minutes in the excuses started, followed by "if I want a jumper, I'll just ask you". My mind went "no, you won't". The real answer followed the next Christmas in form of a knitting starter kit for them and the kids, including a "learn to knit" book from the local charity shop.

[@danamason1478]

When me and my husband first got married he literally bought a Star Trek costume pattern and brought it home to me and asked me to make it for him. I said the, "No, but I'll teach you." And I walked him through the pattern and he did everything from pinning, to dart, and sewing ...... That is, up until the zipper. I did do that for him! Ha!.... Been married 30 years and he only asks me to patch things for him. ☺️

[@tsimkins1960]

I met a woman at a bridal shower once who liked the pants I was wearing and asked where I bought them. I told her I made them from my self-drafted pattern. She then asked me if I could make pants for her 6 year old daughter because she was hard to fit, but she was willing to pay a little less than Walmart prices for completed pants. I just looked at her and told her that my hourly rate was more than the cost of children's clothing at Walmart, not to mention the cost of fabric and supplies, so she'd be better off either buying at Walmart or learning to sew. When people tell me "it would be fun for you since you like to sew," my answer is to ask "How so?" I used to take on projects for other people, but got really tired of being taken advantage of.

[@Rhaifha]

Right? I have fun sewing because I sew stuff I want to make. Making stuff on commission sounds exhausting.

[@roxannlegg750]

YEP - pointing out that fabric costs more than a whole garment...horrifies most of them.

[@carolhammond4570]

For 30 years I have used the “No, but I’d be so happy to teach you. Do you own a machine? No? You can buy a good basic machine for less than $300”. I have yet to have someone take me up on it!

[@lasalzyn]

My husband’s weird aunt asked me at MY WEDDING reception if I could hem her foster daughter’s pants and make her a Christmas blanket in less than 3 months, when she knew I was going on my honeymoon over Christmas break. She didn’t even offer to buy me any supplies or pay me for the time to do the work. I couldn’t believe she had the guts to ask me this ON MY WEDDING DAY! I was pissed and told her straight up, “NO!” She argued back that it wouldn’t take me long to do and it was very easy. I told her if it was so easy she could do it herself and that I don’t have time to sew anything before I was going on my honeymoon. Needless to say I don’t think she will ask me ever again to sew anything for her.

[@ExtraordiNoory]

I had a friend of a friend come up to me asking to USE my BRAND NEW sewing machine to sew a tent!!! And I barely know the dude! At the beginning I did mention the fact that I'm fairly new to this and still needed time to work my way around my machine but he insisted and said it wouldn't take him long and kept contacting me for the next couple of days to bring his material and work on his tent.. and to add salt to the injury, he wanted to sell it and didn't even offer me a cut. So, I kept ignoring his calls and messages until he disappeared. Some people are weird..... you just have to be brave enough and say NO. That's the most straightforward answer and I don't think anyone arguing with it is worth the explanation. You HAVE TO BE rude and unapologetic.

[@brendadagel]

“No” is a complete sentence in any language. I mostly knit and weave, but just finished a sewing project for my daughter. Posted pics to social media and said “don’t ask me to do this for you”. There are a VERY limited number of people I would see for. If someone asks me to craft something for them, I sometimes say “if I love you it’s free, if I don’t you can’t afford it.”

[@EvieLouCreates333]

My favorite is “sewing is my art, not my job.”

[@debbiedobbs5800]

My answer would be “I used to sew for other people , but I got tired of all the complaints and nit-picking

[@tygerstripes3752]

I agreed to sew an elaborate historical dress for someone for 50 bucks once. After it was finished, she gained weight and expected me to let out the seams and resew it. I was between homes, breaking up with a boyfriend and getting a new job. She called my new job and berated me to anyone who would pick up the phone. I turned over all the parts of the dress to her in a box. At some point I counted up the hours I'd spent on this dress and calculated I'd been paid about 25 cents an hour to work on it.

[@davederrick9431]

Hi fashion for K Mart $, which is why I only sew for my wife, daughter & grandchildren. I did a small project for my neighbour and said pay me what you think its worth - she gave $260, I was stunned 😲

[@Evelyn__Wood]

😪 Oh how awful. But don't worry, I too have done similar things in the past, and then also worked out the per hour rate to make myself extra horrified! But it taught me a lesson at least! ❤

[@tygerstripes3752]

@@Evelyn__Wood It was decades ago and I haven't sewn for anyone but myself since!

[@shevaunhandley1543]

Ouch... Even now, with my less than "bugger all" experience at historical costuming I wouldn't even consider doing one for less than $50 an *hour*... and I'm slow with health issues! I feel for you xo

[@SusieQ3]

@@davederrick9431 I'd be stunned, too! Sounds like a considerate person.

[@moonbear5929]

For a while I was crocheting quite a bit. My then boyfriend kept asking me to crochet this, crochet that for him, and of course none of the objects were small things. After a while I got fed up as I also had other things I was working on. One day I told him, "Look, I'll teach you how to crochet and you can make these things yourself." I was being serious, but I also absolutely knew he wasn't going to take me up on the offer. That statement shut him up because it was only then that he realized it would take some work and dedication from him to learn, and he didn't want to. Too bad, so sad.

[@soneil7745]

When my sewing friend tried to give me the brush-off with "Well I can show you how to do it yourself" I was like "Really?? 😀😀😀" Based on her response, she was NOT prepared for someone to actually take her up on that. But she soon got excited about teaching, and we had a wonderful time.

[@melissak3885]

This came up for me over the holidays. My dad several times didn’t even ask but said I *should* do x, y, or z sewing projects for him/my parent’s house, despite that I was spending all my free time helping my mom try to go through all the accumulated stuff in the house in preparation for them to downsize to a smaller place. The most ridiculous was when he told me I should “just whip up a new slipcover for the couch. It’s just a few seams, shouldn’t take you more than an hour or so.” Mind you, I had no fabric, and only my crappy cheap-o sewing machine there to work on, and we had company coming early the next day, so tidying was the priority. Tried explaining the various obstacles to getting it done and that it would take far longer to just measure accurately and drive somewhere to get the fabric than what he realized. Tried explaining there were other priorities for my time. Eventually he slipped into passive-aggressive mode: “Well for someone as well-educated and talented as you, I would think you’d be able to manage it.” Having exhausted polite forms of no and in a time crunch to help my mom with cleaning some rooms, I lost it and told him that it was my intelligence and experience that informed me I *didn’t* have the time to do it, and that was obviously some intelligence he was lacking. I’m not proud, but it got him to quit asking at least.

[@Evelyn__Wood]

😂😂 LOL, every sewists knows in NO universe does a couch cover take an hour to sew!

[@hotjanuary]

Well, I’m proud of you. Even parents have to understand that it’s disrespectful to make demands of your time and labour and then go ahead and argue with you about your expertise about what you can and can’t do within X amount of time.

[@lisettegarcia]

This, after I spent all night Thursday making my mother two "bespoke" tote bags to her specs. 😂 I am happy at how they turned out, though. 😎

[@jayneterry8701]

I'm so sorry this had to happen to you Melissa K. Family know and can push the buttons to us! Apologize to your Dad once you've cooled down. Your answer was good but anger pushed it to shut down communication . You want it to be a learning opportunity 🙂 so he will have the money ready ( if you want payment) and measurements of said piece of furniture and possibly colours and fabric!

[@MaxMoloko]

@@Evelyn__Wood Unless we can use pinking shears to cut out a big enough square and throw it over the sofa and call it done. But between finding the scissors, clearing a big enough space to actually do it and finding cheap enough fabric, you are probably right...

[@belovedgoddess]

I used to avoid answering, yes or no. Made a bag that my co-workers loved and wanted me to make an exact copy for them. Told them I had a few things to do but they kept bugging me until two weeks later when they discovered that a customer could also make bags so rushed off to speak to her before returning to complain that she wanted to charge $20. They stopped bugging me when I pointed out that the fabric they loved so much on my bag cost $30 pm. A customer, on finding out that I could crochet handed me a photo of a beautiful shawl. Absolute weeks of work after I worked on replicating the stitches, I asked when it was needed by. This was Tuesday, they needed it for daughter’s wedding on Saturday so if I could get it done by Thursday it would be great. Uh no. I had to have a talk to my mother about her tendency of volunteering my services to her friends it took a while to get the point through

[@tanyapitre731]

I hate hemming. The only people I'll do it for are my father (he does so much for me) and my husband. My father know that if he ever volunteers me for anything he'll lose his hemming service.

[@lyndabethcave3835]

I'm a college-trained seamstress with a sewing business so I can't use "I'm not skilled enough yet" or "it's just my hobby" as reasons, but I LOVE to use anything that involves dollar amounts. Telling people my labour is worth $30 per hour and this project will take X number of hours (and we haven't even gotten to fabric yet!) is great for two reasons. Firstly, they back off and don't want me to do it any more. And secondly, I'm educating them on the true cost of clothing and skilled labour.

[@alyseceleste]

Where do you go to college to get a sewing degree? Fashion? Curious!!

[@copper589]

I love that you mentioned about teaching them the cost of labor. With fast fashion the way it is today people forget how much time and effort it takes to actually make a quality peice of clothing

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Yes!! I love this. I agree that it is important to perhaps impart the knowledge of why it costs what it costs, as often people just have no idea of all their used to seeing it's fast fashion price tags

[@RhiaEvildressmaker]

I am also seamstress by profession. Nowadays I work in the office but every now and then get asked to do sewing jobs. Usually I have to say I don't have time, but sometimes I will reply that my delivery-schedule for finished garment is about 1-2 months. Often that is enough for them to forget it. But if not, I always give rough estimate of material cost and also what the sewing cost would be. When they hear that ball gown would be about 600-1000€ (sewing alone, plus materials), they usually forget the whole idea. 😆

[@4gma59]

@@alyseceleste : I'd love to know, too!

[@Mommamacnz]

I have been asked by ex-borders and my sons and husband to mend their clothing. I will for husband and sons. I no longer do for the ex-border, especially one as he never pays. I have quite often been asked to knit or crochet something for someone and my answer is no but I will teach you how. I have been taken up on that offer several times, especially by older children/teenagers. One time I was staying at a children's home (long story) and one of the girls in care asked if I'd make a blanket for her baby (doll) as she saw me doing some crochet. I said no, but I'd ask the staff it there were supplies and I'd teach her if she wanted. Which I did. The staff bought knitting needles, crochet hooks and yarn and at the end of my stay I'd taught basics to about 12 children and one of the staff members.

[@maussie9942]

I got asked to make someone's wedding dress when I lived in a small northern town, by a girl who was not well known to me. It was a complicated pattern (of course). I told her I'm not a dressmaker I do it only as a hobby and I'm not experienced enough to take it on. I don't want to risk spoiling her dress for such an important day. I didn't get invited to the wedding . . . ? People are such users aren't they?

[@katinkasirena]

I am German. 'Nein.' is a full sentence. 😇 But I know in many other parts of the world it is rude to blatantly say 'no' without any further explanation. So it is a helpful video you made. Thank you! And now I'll go and check out the Instagram you mentioned.

[@eunicehehir6374]

Hahaha 🤪

[@adedow1333]

That's awesome!

[@DarklightAmy]

Trotzdem ist es oft schwer nein zu sagen 😅

[@davederrick9431]

Fantastic👏😊

[@Evelyn__Wood]

😀 This sounds like such an easier topic to navigate in German!

[@davederrick9431]

I love the comment I don't want to pay to much or I can't afford to pay much. One woman abused me when I told her what I would charge her for: 'it's only a quick simple job'🥴

[@banthony8545]

Most people balk at giving measurements. That stops them right off the bat.

[@adedow1333]

😂

[@m1m5yp28]

Just whip out your tape measure and head for hips, or inside leg lol

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Oh that is a good one! I bet that would stop alot conversation right there! 😂

[@yolandarowe3094]

"I'll measure you and call out the numbers. You write them exactly as I say."

[@myrahaner942]

This is such a difficult question, especially when you are a non confrontational person and feel guilty saying no even when you shouldn't. I often tell people I barely have time to sew for myself and my family,(which is true). So I don't have time to take in other people's sewing. I have also said certain jobs are beyond my skillset.... And I sew as a hobby and taking in mending makes it work and takes the joy out of it being a hobby. Most times people think you can whip it up in a few minutes and its easy. Very few understand what actually goes into sewing. I used to turn pants into Jean skirts. I got several requests from people to make them skirts from Jean's. They said they would provide the Jean's and then expected to only be charged $5 or $10 dollars for a skirt. When I explained each skirt took me 3-4 hours plus the cost of the jeans and thread, they were appalled. Basically saying that they could buy a skirt new for that price. To which I replied, yes you can. Home sewing is not cheaper than store bought anymore.

[@roxannlegg750]

More than once i show them my "to be finished pile" and say "oh this one...i just bought something to wear instead...I got sick of it.." etc. Of course its not totally true - but by showing them your own dirty cupboard of shame... they often change the subject.

[@ReinaElizondo]

Lol I don't even frame it as selfish. I say: 'I only have about 30% motivation to work on my own projects. Let alone someone else's.' Thanks, these are nice ideas. I get really resentful of these requests/demands as an artist in general, because I've been guilted into free artwork since I was a child and I just don't do it anymore.

[@mad14kt]

My story is true, I tell them of the bad experience that happened in college that led me to stop sewing for people. It’s been over 20+ years and that colleague never paid me and I only charged her $10.00🤦🏾‍♀️ 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

[@a1nelson]

A friend asked me to make something moderately challenging for her son that was on the way, and we agreed upon a fair price. He now 23 and I haven’t seen a single cent.

[@RozWBrazel]

I’ve already turned down one family request for a commission and reading all these comments is really helping dissolve any guilt I feel doing it.

[@cwfan2]

My prices start at $100/hr and go up from there. I don't sew jeans, sportswear, or clothing for pets (for example). As for the Cinderella Coultour dress you described, that kind of sewing requires special training, tools, & machines that I don't have. The designer charging $10,000 for a dress like that is not outlandish. I'm just an old lady sitting in my bedroom watching TV and sewing for fun.

[@panacheluxury4262]

Evelyn this was such a great topic to discuss. I cannot tell you the number of times I have been asked to sew something for someone and as they are I am saying "No" in my head. Aside from the time it takes to create the garment there is the fittings, person micromanaging and questioning every part of constructing the garment, the unreasonable time frames given and unkept appointments, the pickiness of the person. Lord, I could go on. Let's not forget the use of electricity, equipment, breaks you do not get, etc. When an acquaintance lost weight and found out I sewed asked me if I would alter an entire wardrobe, I declined without hesitation. I said, "I'm sorry, but I have an extremely tight schedule and wouldn't have time to alter anything. Have you tried a cleansers?" Mind you the person felt because we were well acquainted a substantial discount should be given starting with the, "I'll give you $50" for 10 pairs of slacks. Nope, not here, lol! If they would go to a professional seamstress or cleansers they would be paying a mint for alterations. You are also correct about fast fashion and how it has made it difficult for the true seamstresses to be paid for the work, time and effort they put in. Hopefully this will change and people will go back to sewing and even copying what they see online, in stores and on fashion runways.

[@CrystalShaulis]

I agree completely! I'm new to sewing with a machine but have been binding books for almost 10 years -- the parallels between these two are very similar with people assuming it would cost less to have me make something for them than if they bought it at the store. If all people were taught rudimentary skills of sewing in school (I wasn't, and it really should still be taught because it's an incredibly useful skill) maybe they would begin to understand what they're really asking of a sewist.

[@gohawks3571]

$50?!?!?!?!

[@Ry-ri9uf]

This topic and all the advice translates perfectly into other arts/skilled fields! I grew up watching my mom literally work on bags and bags of clothes for family members free of charge and it sucked much of the joy of her hobby. She no longer does that thankfully (exception of immediate family) and it took me and her a long time to realize that accumulated skills and the time put into a learned craft is of WORTH. It is important to realize that personal time and the resources and effort put into a project should not be a flippant decision, and how important it is to educate those that might not realize exactly what they are asking. Great video!

[@Evelyn__Wood]

Saying no to these requests is something we all have navigate as sewists right! And yes, the people that usually ask these random requests are the people that don't have any appreciation of the time, effort and cost that goes into making a one off garment. I hope you have much satisfaction in saying your next no to the $50 request! 😀

[@panacheluxury4262]

@@Ry-ri9uf, You are absolutely right.

[@odetteboudreau5970]

I always say that I only sew for myself for pleasure and I am not confident enough to sew for other people. Fun video, your videos are always a bright spot in my day. 🌞

[@khaley37781]

This is exactly what I say, the few times I've been asked. "i only sew for myself, for fun." Works everytime.

[@zzzeus78]

I believe this a problem ANYONE can face, whether you are a seamstress, hairdresser, makeup artist, I myself am an illustrator. Your friends ASSUME you will draw for them for free. Do I draw for them for free? Yes, at times I do, but depending on what they are asking, I will charge them for sure. I've had people give me those "I can't believe you're asking money from a FRIEND," looks, so when that happens I tell them "So you're willing to make a FRIEND work for free? You're not going to support me?" I've had people say "I wanted to ask you because I like your work" and I go great, thank you, what's your budget? Then they'd go "Can I get a discount?" That's when I usually tell them it's better if they ask someone else because clearly they wanted to ask me because they though I'll give them free work, not because they liked my work. THEN they'll go "But I saw you draw so-and-so in just 15 minutes!!" aaaaand to that I reply "It took me 10 years to get to a point where can finish things in 15 minutes, you are paying for my skills not my time." I can go on and on with this, I'm sure I'm not the only one...

[@catherinewhite2943]

Or tell them I'll put you in the queue for further discussion; right now I have projects booked through August 2023.

[@BratBustersParenting]

Lots of people have asked me to sew for them over the past 40-50 years and I now just say, "Sure, as soon as I've finished all my own projects." That always shuts them up, lol.

[@Rhaifha]

That's a great one, because we all know that's "never", haha

[@christinepico7716]

20+ years as a professional seamstress, I was so busy sewing for everyone else to keep a roof over my family's head & food on the table, I rarely had any time to sew for myself. Luckily, about a decade ago, I landed an office job & was able to take sewing back as a hobby and chip away at my own pile of projects. I couldn't be happier. I still get asked if I'll sew for others. I let the person know how much I appreciate the question, but my sewing time is limited. If they would like me to teach them, then I'd be happy to set some time aside for a sewing date, and we can work on the project together, otherwise, I hand them a phone number of a fabulous seamstress who's full time job is sewing.

[@nancypollard4531]

The worst scenario I ever had was when an acquaintance learned that I could sew when they complimented me on something I was wearing. When I said that I had made it they gleefully squealed and said. Oh you can make me a dress. Like they were doing me a favor. Lol Honestly I have no problem saying sorry I only sew for myself and my family. I'm not in the sewing business.

[@tanyapitre731]

I hardly even sew for my family. My boys are young and grow too fast. And my husband is set on the t-shirts he wears. 🤷‍♀️

[@catherinewhite2943]

For those whose skills are good, you can blame your machine. My machine doesn't do a good job on... denim, satin, linen, wool, tulle, knits - whatever their project fabric is. And it is true for all machines if you don't get them set up just right!

[@m1m5yp28]

Shh my deva of a machine is probably listening right now!

[@Evelyn__Wood]

That's a good one!!

[@jaimiller3134]

Oh my God! I just had to say no to two request. I sewed for this one person so much that I paid for her a sewing class, helped pick out a sewing machine for her and Still... a couple of weeks ago " can you make some chair covers for me I have this material ". So. I drew out how to cut the material and how to sew them. And just last week I got a request to repair something, I just said, 'I really have to be in the mood to sew and I just started a frustrating project and don't have the mental room for anything else, I know you know what I mean, right!'

[@nataliestanchevski4628]

No disrespect to anyone but I don't find it necessary to lie or denigrate myself to ease the feelings of other people. "No, sorry I don't sew for other people" usually suffices and if it doesn't then I have no problem being as rude as they are. Don't be a bloody doormat, you're a skilled creative human being who deserves respect.

[@scorpioninblue]

AMEN!!

[@SusieQ3]

I'm a quilter. I get asked at least once a month "can you make me this quilt" - insert picture of a king size double wedding ring quilt. I immediately start to calculate the materials (not just fabric, but always add in a needle, thread, new rotary cutting blade or scissors sharpening, chalk, pins because some always dull during a project, and whatever other notions you use. They are mostly consumables and will eventually need to be replaced) and labor cost, not to mention the free motion quilting (at a standard 2¢ per SQ inch, more if you want custom quilting), plus her labor rate and shipping to and from the long arm quilter, as I do not have a machine that can hold a quilt that large. When the total is around $1500, they very politely say "oh, um, never mind". Suffice it to say, I have only ever had 1 person take up my commission rate on a quilt, and it was a much smaller quilt, that was much less expensive.

[@MegaBecboo]

It's easy, you could do it in 10 minutes... I've had that more than once!

[@janehollander1934]

It's amazing that people that don't know how to work a sewing machine are able to give an estimate on how long the job will take us 🤦🏼‍♀️😅

[@scorpioninblue]

@@janehollander1934 YES! Tell that truth!!!

[@Itsallmine]

"No." is a complete sentence. I learned long ago not to expound on that. It's cold -- but effective.

[@kayfountain8952]

I knit more than sew and the main 'issue' with knitted items is that they want the item made in a week ('cos granny used to make a baby jacket in an evening). In cobweb laceweight. Or Celtic cables in size 24. And could I spin the yarn for it as well.

[@missmatti]

Omg... the relatability of this comment is high 😂 In my experience these people also think those $20 skeins that they need at least 5 of is too expensive, but any other quality of the yarn isn't good enough either.

[@panacheluxury4262]

People are really something, lol.

[@jirup]

But, but they'll tell all their friends and you'll get lots of work and they will even provide you with a dirty fleece that has been sitting in a garbage bag for 20 years as payment.

[@missmatti]

@@jirup The dirty fleece 🤣 I often get "you can keep the leftover fabric/yarn" ehum... no thanks! I have enough scraps already 😅

[@VeretenoVids]

If anyone asked me to spin the yarn for their project, I'd be tempted to stab them with one of my pointiest spindles! Wow. I've never had that ask. Sheesh!

[@arriettysbags]

I used to sew clothes for myself and my children, but now I make bags and quilts. So if anyone asks me to make them clothes, I just say I don't sew clothes. And if they want a bag, well that is easy, as I sell what I make. But yes all good answers. love them.

[@sandraengstrand2784]

Soooo true! Good advice! When people know that you quilt (which I do), they will most often ask: *can you make me a t-shirt quilt?* That’s a hard no 🤣

[@jayebard4120]

I've found that sometimes when I break down the costs and hours involved in making something, the person who has asked flat-out doesn't believe me and gets pushy and aggressive about it. Instead I just recommend a good seller to get a machine from and some books/videos to get them started.

[@tracyvision]

It’s no different than any other conversation - it’s simpler to just tell the truth. Any long winded explanation just sounds defensive and as soon as it’s clear the answer is “no” they really aren’t interested in why anyway! I love your favorite answer - short, invites no argument, and spreads the love of sewing!

[@sarahgiggles9444]

Completely agree. Any reason beyond "Sorry but no, I don't do that" doesn't really strengthen your response, but it does leave you open to counter-argument.

[@thedalight654]

That's my problem, I usually end up doing it because I can't say no, that is unless I absolutely know I can't do what they are asking, lol

[@TargetingPro]

As a new sewer, but long time graphic and web designer, I feel the pain! For my entire adult life I’ve been asked to do free logos, graphics, websites, print designs, etc… you really have to learn how to decline requests that aren’t for you, because there are entitled people that will take advantage of you just because they can and act like they’re doing YOU the favor. Now I say “I ONLY do complimentary work for charity organizations, and I’ve already picked my recipient for this year.” Which is true, I love helping out, but not to my detriment, stress, anger, or frustration. I’m sure as my sewing improves, this video and comment tips will come in handy! Thank you for making it, and the instagram is hilarious! ❤️

[@queensewsalot1102]

My favorite (sarcasm here) comment is "this will only take you a few minutes" to which my answer usually was, well then why don't you do it? Finally, I had a very persistent friend who CONSTANTLY would ask me to do alterations/sew for them. I finally told her that when she asked me for sewing favors it was the same as if I were to ask her to clean my oven, or my bathroom, etc. She stopped asking. It's hard because I would get excited about a project I was working on and I don't have any friends that sew. I guess they took it as advertising, lol!

[@LynHannan]

I'm not against sewing new garments from FLEECY fabrics, but have learned the hard way about altering pre-made ones - they're impossible to unpick without creating holes or stretching out the fabric because you can't see the stitches through the fleece to be able to unpick them. I ended up telling one disgruntled lady that if she refused to pay what I'd worked more than double the normal hours for, she could never show her face to me again. It worked, but was most uncomfortable. I've since been contacted about replacing a zipper in a fleecy jacket; to which I said they could borrow an unpicker and literally unpick the zip for me, then I would be happy to stitch in a new zip FOR FREE (they'd just pay for the zipper). Never heard back from them! I became known in my community for SEWING when I started sewing for the local ballet school that my girls' attended about 14 years ago. The first year, about two months before the yearly production - which was a full-on theater production, not random acts; I was inundated with costumes to be made from scratch as well as adjusted from previous use. Most nights I didn't get to bed before 2am. I am NOT a night owl. I learned. The following mid-year, I discussed this problem with the ballet teacher, as I was considering bowing out altogether. Together we came up with a flyer sent to all families stating the problem I'd experienced and the solution to fix it was as follows: that any sewing done for the ballet school production would have different hourly rates of charge (which was cheaper for ballet school sewing than "private" sewing) depending on the month it was done in: the first three terms were a general a flat rate; the first month of term four was $2 per hour more; the second month was a further $2 more; and the last 3 weeks before production was a further $4 more. People who couldn't afford the higher rates were advised to get in quick and early to avoid any hardship later on. A reminder was sent out with the lists of costumes for each child/act. It was the best move, and I was more able to cope with unexpected happenings! I don't do RUSH jobs, period. As soon as someone makes it known to me they need any sewing done (before they go into details), my first response is to tell them I have arthritic fingers and literally cannot spend all day sewing because there is no painkiller that will make me pain-free while my fingers recuperate from the abuse. I've had one person say they could mind my kids or do some housework to help me, but I told them that housework is what I do to breakup the sewing tasks to give my fingers a break - I don't give my fingers a "holiday", that's not good for them; they need consistent routine changes about every half hour no matter which job I'm doing - avoiding prolonged repetition is the key. I have 3 numbers of PROFESSIONALS within 15 minutes of where I live to refer people to, which helps. About 6 years ago, I MENTORED a young adult lady fresh from secondary school who needed help altering a dress she'd made that didn't quite fit. My terms were that she would do the sewing, in my house, on my machines, with my guidance - for free - any time we were free, together. I taught her how to fit the paper patterns to her body shape and dimensions from the start of the project: that SIZING is purely arbitrary and she needed to base it all on the measurements given with each pattern. She was also a big girl who was using her outer garments as support garments (at least one size too small), giving the impression of an overstuffed teddy bear, so I showed her how this would stress the seams, zips and buttons of anything she wore while reducing the "EASE" of the garment itself (also reducing the life of the garment); I explained that support garments and "shape-wear" were made to cope with these stresses. I demonstrated this with some off-cuts of cheesecloth which I seamed then tightly pulled on to show the stress of the seam, so she could see for herself the same stress points in the fabric of her garments. I explained that having a little "ease" or "give" in garments actually implies a better figure underneath compared to the "michellin man" effect of too tight a garment. I taught her how to assess the FIT of a garment by where and how the seam lines sit on her (that posture will affect this as well), the way wrinkles can indicate a problem (especially in bras!). We spent two afternoons a week for about a month over the Summer holidays, with her ending up with a dress she was much happier with, a more rounded and personalised concept of garment construction, (a little demo of CLEANING her Mum's machine!), and a more confidant sense of self that both she and her Mum appreciated. About six months later, I saw her Mum down the street and we chatted: She thanked me for showing/teaching her daughter that "clothing sizes were 'just' numbers and not the person" most of all. I told her that I felt much of what she'd learnt in school hadn't been fully understood or used, simply because her own self-esteem dialogue (I'm hopelessly fat) was deafening her ears and that probably only one-on-one coaching was going to help in this instance. I think it worked because I was quite happy to demonstrate on my own body (I was also overweight at the time) in singlet and leggings, the way garments should fit, by trying on dresses I'd kept to encourage myself to lose weight. I also told her that my own two girls (several years younger than her daughter) were not interested in sewing (outside of school) for themselves, so I was glad to pass on my skills to someone who appreciated it.

[@1rahmaan]

Lynette, that was one lucky girl to have you mentor her so generously. You are so kind.

[@hotjanuary]

Wow. Here you would be charged an arm and a leg to have personal one-on-one mentoring. That was very charitable of you. ♥️

[@LynHannan]

@@1rahmaan I was only too happy to pass on techniques to a willing and enthusiastic ear - my own girls just aren't interested :(. I'm hoping I made more of an impression on her self esteem, the rest will follow her confidence.

[@LynHannan]

@@hotjanuary I love talking, doing, planning, shopping for anything related to sewing. I got a lot of enjoyment out of it that I won't get with my own girls :(.

[@hotjanuary]

@@LynHannan that’s too bad. I wish people saw sewing as something more than a hobby: a necessary life skill. Your daughters may regret it when you’re not there anymore to walk them through it. Consciousness of the environmental effects of textile overconsumption and the slave labour that goes into fast fashion is rising. I’m hoping to see the diy textile movement grow. It brings a new appreciation for the time and labour that goes into producing every garment and people are more conscious to buy (or make) what they need. Though, realistically, very few people are actually productive enough to sew/knit too many projects in a year, and once they’ve built up the wardrobe they want, their projects slow way down because there’s no rush to fill in missing pieces.

[@LB-vl3qn]

Oh, I'm so happy you addressed this touchy topic! Believe it or not, I only sew what I have to, my interests lie elsewhere, but I have always enjoyed the art of sewing. I have a library of sewing books, which I read for pleasure. My one sewing claim to fame is changing out cap sleeves for wide bell sleeves on a knit top, which I did from simply reading how it was done. No one believes I did it myself. It was fun, but not easy, and there was a fair bit of unpicking. Most times, I take my things to a seamstress and let her have the pleasure of taking my money to alter them. That said, I used to make jewelry and naively agreed to take custom orders. What I learned was this: there is enough jewelry out there in every style, color, and price point that if a person cannot find what they want at a price they can afford, there is no way they will be happy with anything I can make for them. At the end, my standard reply to those asking was a flat and final, I'm sorry, I do not take custom orders. ~ Lisa

[@arvettadelashmit9337]

1. A co-worker ask me to quilt her quilt for her. I ask her why she didn't quilt it herself? She told me she didn't have time. I then reminded her that I work at the same place she does; and, I don't have the time either. 2. Someone I worked with wanted me to alter a wedding dress to fit her. I told her, "I can't work with fabrics that stick to my hands." (Which is what most polyester fabrics do in my hands.) "My skin will damage the finish of your dress; but, I know someone who may be able to help you." I then make an appointment; and, I drove her to my friend (who is a professional wedding dress and costume maker). I stayed there through the fitting to make sure my friend, Patty, got the job. No one bothered me again with their sewing while I worked for that business. 3. While setting with my friend Janet in her quilt shop (she was working on a quilt top and I was hand heming a pair of my own pants) a man came into her business and demanded to know how much one of us would charge him to shorten his new jeans. I told him, "I don't take in alterations; because, there are people in our area who are trying to earn a living doing alterations and repairs." Janet handed him a list of names and phone numbers of people who so such work. Why do people think quilt shops also do alterations? 4. Someone brought two pairs of polyester/spandex pants (with safty pins holding up the hem where she wanted them shorten) and dumped them on my mother. My mother told me that they were brought to her for me to hem. Mother had no idea who the woman was; and, I had no idea either. So they just hung there until the woman returned expecting them to be done. After she upset mother, I shortened and hand hemed her pants (using what I had on hand). I then wrote a note and put it in the pocket of one pair of the pants. It said: "You did not supply any polyester threads to hem your pants. I only have cotton threads. Polyester cuts cotton. Good luck with your pants. If you ever dump sewing on my mother again, I have no idea when you will get your work done." I charged nothing; and, I never found out who the young woman was. My mother was 91 years old when this happened.

[@scorpioninblue]

First of all I want to say this is one of your best topics! I don't sew or alter anything! The general public has no idea of the work involved in sewing a garment or alterations, they take too much for granted and think that whatever they ask us to do is a piece of cake! I've had people tell ME how easier an alteration is to do and they wouldn't even know how to thread a needle. Cheapskates is what they are, always looking for a way to get over. I keep my sewing skills totally hush, hush in order to avoid the aggressive, aggravating bargain hunting hounds! In addition to cheapness there are those who will try and make you feel guilty because you won't co-operate! I tell you its rough!!

[@thebratqueen]

If people need courage to say no to these requests they can just pretend the person asked to borrow their fabric scissors :D

[@MetaMarcy21]

The idea of falsely diminishing myself or my skill in order to say no feels downright abhorrent to me. I understand the impulse but I feel the world is a Better place when we are honest about who we are and how we feel. As has been said, no is a complete sentence.

[@lindak8664]

I just freak out, start flapping my arms around in a panic, and say oh heck I can’t sew for other people it stresses me out too much! Whilst winning the academy award for best actress. They back off very quickly and even apologise for asking. Jeez i’m a poopy head 😂. On the very rare occasion that doesn’t work, i start discussing cost. The look on their faces is usually priceless. They’d never even considered they’d have to pay for anything. They seem to think you can snap your fingers and fabric & patterns appear out of thin air.

[@Escape10mom]

I've had people (strangers) ask me to make them something & then when they find out how much I'll charge they balk. I really only sew for my family period!! It IS my hobby!!

[@candygirl77777]

I sew semi-professionally. So I do take commissions and alteration projects. But only if I have time, and only if they are willing pay what I actually deserve (which most people aren’t). My go to’s are “I don’t have time/open commission slots.” Or start breaking down the costs in front of them (scares the non-serious people away).

[@Evelyn__Wood]

I found breaking down the costs scared away the clients that were not right for me too!

[@joantomlin7281]

My two favorite customer comments upon hearing a price quote were: "But I only paid (ridiculous clearance price) for it". "I can do that myself". My reply: "That has no bearing on the time or effort involved in the job". I have also told people, " I would rather have you as a good neighbor or coworker than risk having you as a dissatisfied customer."

[@cliftonmcnalley8469]

I usually use some form of the "you can't afford me" route. But my boss found out I also reupholster my own furniture so she wanted me to reupholster her sofa and she "would pay" me. I knew she would offer $50. But even $150 wouldn't cover it. But instead of saying, "no". I said I would do the reupholstery if she and her husband would remove the old fabric. Her answer, "Why would WE want to spend OUR time doing that!?!" My answer, "Why would would you think I'd want to spend my time?" I don't sew for fun or hobby, I sew to have things I want and can't find or afford.

[@MsRoslet]

There are two responses, the one from my aunt who was the professional dressmaker and got pickier as she got older; she would touch the fabric, stroke it and say, "No, I am sorry it offends my fingers." And my other response for knitting, is, "It's like sex, if I like you it's free, if I don't then it will never happen."

[@nelliec3286]

I now actually just say "No, I don't want to do that". (with a smile) and then I stay firm. It's been my experience, that people who pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do, don't really care how YOU feel about it, only pleased that they have their way. I now sew only for family and even then only what I want to do.

[@scorpioninblue]

AMEN!! I couldn't have said it better! People are so damn selfish!!

[@luciatat4084]

I think this is the best answer there is to such a question or for people that like to take advantage of others :)) brilliant! Just: “no, I don’t want to do it!”

[@denisehill7769]

I am laughing my socks off here - I was asked to sew something a loooooooooooong time ago, and have just got around to doing it (and feeling a hell of a lot better for getting it done and gone too) I needed this video!!!!

[@m1m5yp28]

My favourite ploy with my family is to say OK I’ll put it on my pile, then bury it. They never ask for it back, and after a couple of years, it goes to the Charity Shop or in the bin!

[@denisehill7769]

@@m1m5yp28 I have been guilty of this oops

[@meganmills6545]

I explain this is my hobby and I don't take orders because as soon as a I do then for me my hobby feels like just another duty and obligation and it takes all the joy out of it for me. If someone asks me to do something and I find it appealing, challenging, interesting and like something I want to do and feel inspired by then I'll say Yes - but I absolutely refuse any pay for it other than a "thank you" and a smile - and it comes with the condition that it will get done when I can fit it in, and there's no telling when that might be as I have a lot of other things I'm already doing that take priority. I really don't want the hassle of all the bookkeeping and working out how much tax to pay etc that comes with doing any of my hobbies for pay. If someone wants to pay I suggest they go to a person who has set up a business in the field and support them because if I charged a fair rate for my time they really won't get it any cheaper. And the professional will get the job done faster because, unlike me, it is their job and not something they have to fit in around their job and other hobbies, family obligations and so on.

[@sleepycat8887]

I’ve had a request last year from a friend . I started sewing during the pandemic and I’m quite new to it but I’m yet to do any garments. My friend asked me to alter her daughter’s dress …. I looked at her I looked at the dress and laughed really out loud and told her “Nooooo”. 🤷‍♀️ I can’t do that I said, will take ages to do and I don’t have the skills ( which is very true). You have to take it apart re measure it, see it back together, also had a zip 🙈… I had no clue. She didn’t looked impressed at my long NO and followed comments. 😂😂😂😂 Well c’est la vie mon amie!

[@sheelaghhalstead4549]

I knew my neice wanted cushions made from some beautiful linens so I offered her a deal: you make me a meal for each cushion I make. I loved working with that fabric and she's a great cook. It was win-win. But when I delivered them her mother-in-law was staying with her: "Oh I've just bought material can you make cushions for me too?" I joked about whether she was going to make me meals as well. "No I'll pay you". "But I sew for pleasure not for money. I do my other work for money". She can be very persistent so I asked to see the fabric, it was somewhat synthetic but a nice enough design so I ended up making them. She was very grateful and sent me a photo of them in her her house and gave me a gift voucher. But I still felt caught.

[@aishai5626]

I am very suspicious of people who have already purchased fabric but need you to sew it.

[@sinlobo84]

@@aishai5626 THIS!

[@MetaMarcy21]

You have a right to say no to any question , request, or invitation you are presented with.

[@kimberlycooper4170]

I'm such an inexperienced sewist that it's easy to say, "You *really* don't me sewing something for you." On the other hand, if I am able to do a good enough job sewing and the other person pays for the fabric and notions, it will give me opportunity to sew more without having to buy the stuff myself. I am on a limited budget.

[@judyjennings-gunther4022]

My hubby and I have a mutual friend that bought her vintage wedding dress from me. She decided she wanted to do a few changes. She asked my hubby, they worked together, if I could do it. He said, “ She knows how to do it, but hates doing that kind of s**t. Then a couple of weeks later she asked me. I had the same answer. She laughed and said that was the same thing my hubby said. I told her he knows me well. I just tell people I don’t sew for other people. Another story....We started this thing in my town, a couple of years ago. A fixing/mending day. This woman I know wanted to know if I wanted to mend for people. I said, “So you want me to spend my birthday ( she knew it was my birthday)mending for other people? For free? Why would I want to do that? “Then I told her I would rather teach them how to mend than do it for them, and not on my birthday. It is like the old saying about teaching a man to fish....

[@claricesmyth]

Funny! I do sew as a hobby, for me and occasionally my adult children or granddaughter. But I recently had someone ask if I could cannibalize two identical army fatigues and make them into one to fit them. The fabric was a heavy double and triple stitched seams. I want to scream heck no.... but I said. “ You know that sounds like it would be cool when finished. Unfortunately I don’t have the right sewing machine and some of the skills it will require to do the project correctly. I strongly suggest you find an experienced seamstress to do that for you. Sorry. Good luck.”

[@jenniferkaplan1956]

I once had a guy - a total stranger - ask me if I could fix something for him, because he saw me cross-stitching. I just told him cross-stitching and sewing are not the same thing, despite having a couple tools in common, and I don't actually know how to sew. He looked at me like he thought I was lying, but he dropped it, at least. :P

[@MiffoKarin]

I've only been asked to sew something once, and it was a simple request for a christmas present from my own mother, so saying no didn't even cross my mind! She wanted a couple of "oven towels" (a towel with fabric and a button that hangs off the oven handle) and provided both the towels to sew it with and an example I could trace, so it was a quick and painless project I could do using scraps from my "cabbage". 👍

[@laurahawkins374]

I do take sewing orders but the audacity that people have still blows my mind. If you go to a plumber or a mechanic, you don't decide what you feel like paying them. They charge you materials and time and you gratefully pay it because they have a skill that you don't. I'm very comfortable in being confrontational if someone is being a jerk and doesn't listen when I say "no." I will point out that I have a skill that they *obviously* don't have, or they wouldn't be asking me to do this. I then ask why they feel that my skills are not worth being paid a living wage. When they point out that they can buy a tshirt from Kmart for $5, I say yes, because it uses slave labour and sweatshops in undeveloped countries, and that I'm *sure* they're not suggesting that those kinds of things should be happening just so they can buy a cheap tshirt. Then I start talking about the environmental impacts of fast fashion (2 out of every 3 garments end up in landfill within 12 months of being bought!) and they usually can't get away from me fast enough 🤷‍♀️

[@laurahawkins374]

And I'm very particular with the things I DO sew. I do not accept client-provided fabric (with an exception for things like memory bears where the whole point is sentimental fabric) because they will buy the cheapest material and expect high quality results and that is not how it works. I don't work with knit, and I don't quilt. I make tailored garments. I will not duplicate their item, that's a violation of intellectual property for me to do that as a business. I don't do zips, because I hate them. If someone wants a zipper replaced, I charge $200. Never had anyone take me up on it yet. I do not do upholstry. I don't recover furniture and I don't sew or shorten curtains. I had my mother try to pressure me into accepting doing curtains for her friend. I said no and reminded her I don't do it. "But I already told her you would!" "I've told you to stop volun-telling me for things. You do it." Her machine wouldn't work so I lent her one of mine. She complained it was hard work. I had zero sympathy and said "yeah, that's why I say no." Haven't been volun-told since.

[@meowyimeow]

Evelyn, I love that you created this video. Even though I strive to always be courteous and polite I have found that for me, personally, the best response is "No, sorry." I realize it might be hard for people to be so blunt and it took me years to feel comfortable with this. Our time is valuable and our own, and we shouldn't have to give an explanation! No one asks a taxi driver for a free ride (for example). If I really like the person I will offer to teach them because I enjoy sharing my skills. So far, no one has taken me up on it, ha.

[@lisaowen6103]

My creative outlet is drawing and painting. I often get asked the same questions as you who sew. Someone wanted me to paint a portraits of their children, for free because they were so cute. As if it was an honor to be just asked to do so. Sometimes people push back ... They say to me ,it should be easy you can do this or that.... yadda yadda . Sometimes I'll say back to them well it sounds like you have your own vision of what you want. You should try it yourself. Now I can say no I don't take commissions or that's not the kind of painting I do. I paint for me.👩🏻‍🎨

[@karennelson4108]

Brilliant, thank you Evelyn. I have been asked to make garments, mostly dresses by acquaintances and strangers alike. And the answer is no everytime. The only person I sew for apart from myself is my daughter, and that's because she knows me and has seen how I sew and asks no questions. What amuses me is the outrage or disappointment when I say no. The level of entitlement is so high.. 😂 😂 😂 I sew as a hobby and also as this is how I get my clothes. I have not bought a dress or coat since 2019. When people ask for a dress, after giving me a compliment to be fair, I'm wearing a dress which I have made from the one pattern (I am sure I have made almost 20 dresses from the same pattern (The Demeter Dress by Anna Allen)) it's the fabric they like normally. I do get very vibrant and bold fabrics as I love colour. But they see me in my dress, gush then ask for one, to which I will say no. I don't give any explanation, or reason. It's just "no. It's my hobby, not my job. So no, I do not take orders.". Keep it simple and honest, that's what I do...

[@scorpioninblue]

I'm sure you know how they hate it when you refuse and will accuse you of being selfish or petty for denying their requests!

[@karennelson4108]

@@scorpioninblue Right??? It's so comical. But no, I sew for my beloved daughter and for me..... That is all....

[@lunzie01]

I was going to sew this absolutely gorgeous wedding gown for a friend.... BUT she is stall, the gown needs to be cut on the bias, and here in the States, we couldn't find silk wide enough to accommodate the pattern. So frustrating!! P.S. "No" is a complete sentence, as someone said below. 🙂

[@nonsequitur5057]

I used to do the alterations for my mother's dress shop; so, I could never say that I don't know how or give any excuses in that vein. I worked in offices, so I had all kinds of people (some from other departments who I had no idea of who they were) approach me for alterations and/or sewing "something up." I once altered a denim dress for a friend that had all this top-stitching on it. She exclaimed in front of everybody (probably trying to compliment me) how she couldn't tell that it had been altered, "even the top stitching was flawless." (Of course it was!!) From that incident a women from that office showed up at my door with three loads of garments that she wanted altered, fixed, hemmed, etc. I told her, "No, thank you. I have a life and no time for this." She left her clothes in my house! So did I. After a few months, she asked me where her clothes were. I told her they were exactly where she left them. She asked me how far I got in the pile. I told her, "I've never even looked at them. I told you that I don't have the time or interest. PLEASE pick up your clothes." She did. What I say is, "Yes, I did alterations for a dress shop. And because of that experience, I don't sew for other people. I avoid other people's projects and if you really want to get me angry just suggest what I could be doing with my skills. Do we understand each other?" It may sound harsh but it's like people don't hear you when you are polite. You have to be as strong in blocking them as they seem to be in their determination to step into your life and use you. And when someone tries to push forward anyway, I bring up Adult Education Classes, etc. that they can look into for building their own skills.

[@madp6755]

Gosh people really do expect me to sew for free. I find it really rude if im honest. The answers you gave are very polite and tactful.

[@Rhaifha]

Perfect timing! Just today my sister in law complimented my new shirt (the second garment I've ever made!), and then promptly asked if I could make a copy of her favourite jumpsuit for her. I basically explained a little on how that's more complicated than you'd think and then gushed about how she should really try learning how to sew! I mean, it's a sincere recommendation, I really think sewing and mending should become basic life skills again, but it also diverted the topic away from me, haha. But yeah, I can barely make clothes for myself that fit, and I'm always there to try the thing on! I don't know how people sew for other people.

[@stefaniesinden4327]

Yes, I think breaking down the materials, planning, 'bespoking' the item to suit their 'specific requirements', doing the project by hourly rate does deter. This is my preference because 1) it adds value to your skill which you have poured blood, sweat and tears over in order to get to the standard where you are at but also and possibly most importantly 2) which justifies all those gorgeous items handmade over the years with love and much thought, no money exchanged, by your Grandmother, Mother, Aunty or that gorgeous item you found in a thrift shop / antique fair etc. which over the years are possibly still being used and treasured with fond memories of special times gone by. Priceless.

[@Apledore]

One time I crocheted an afghan for my roommate as a birthday present per her request (she paid for the $100+ dollars for the real wool). It took me a month of constant steady work. I did it because I loved the pattern, too, and really wanted to make it, but there had to be 80 hours of work in there! Even at $10/hr, that's one heck of an expensive blanket! Fortunately, she was a sewer and understood what she was asking, and did some extra chores and things around the house that month. But yeah, a lot of people don't get it!

[@AimeeGrayNZ]

The problem is, I know I’m shooting myself in the foot! 😂 I’m pretty new to sewing, so actually motivated to sew random stuff people ask me to (and it gives me projects without having to buy the fabric!) but I know the day will come when sewing cushion covers gets old and I’ll want to say no… haha

[@Wingedshadowwolf]

As someone with a full time job, the 'don't have time' answer is probably what I'd go with. Heck, half the time I don't have time for my own projects! I do have some things I want to make for family members(when I get around to it!) I also like the 'don't do commissions' one.

[@ladylouise1969]

Great vid. I have had this question posed to me over and over-and the way people look at you when you turn them down...it's like "what?? I thought you loved sewing"!! It's as if they think they are bestowing you with a great honor to spend your time altering, fixing, sewing something for someone else, when you barely have the time (or as in my case now)-do not feel well enough to add anything extra to my day!! I'm happy if I can get something done for myself, or surprise our granddaughter with something nice once in a while! I had a relative ask me if I could do something for her-and without waiting for a reply, I found it on my porch one morning!! I called this person and told them I just did not have the time for anything extra, and they could come back and get it, please. Just because I'm retired-doesn't mean I am not extremely busy!! Well, they came back and took it off the porch, and apologized. I have worn many hats, and one was as a Cosmetologist-I get these requests all the time-"how much would you charge me for a haircut, foil, blow dry, etc.....(?) I keep my license up to date so I can still buy professional products, but I do not have the time or health that I wish to spend it on that, either!! Thank you for adding a bit of humor to this subject! If you get any more good ones, please pass them along, I need all the help I can get! :+)

[@marilynbook4211]

Great video. I tried the answer that it would be too expensive and gave them an exorbitant price and they said ya fine LOL. I did it, they were happy even though I charged her $50 more than I quoted, I will never do it again, I was way too stressed. I did have a costume sewing business but could not take dealing with the customers lol.