How to Start to Find Purpose in Your Life

[@albertosara416]

"i don't need perfect, i am happy with good enough" words to live by, truly

[@jsun1993]

Pareto Rule

[@felixdumbravescu2725]

Now if only to find the "good enough".....

[@michaelritter3996]

but what‘s the perfect amount of good enough?

[@Duran.james1512]

Not to be mistaken as not putting effort into getting the good enough, or still need to put in the effort to have good enough don’t settle for less that that

[@InceyWincey]

I prefer to attempt perfection but realise it is impossible to achieve. You create a work of art, and you spend time making it as good as you possibly can, and eventually you say to yourself, “ok I can’t make it any better.” The key is to “finish” the work before you improve it. Then at any point when you abandon it you have a complete work of art. If you try to make it perfect straight away, you will never finish it, because you have set yourself an impossible task. You have to create an imperfect but complete work and then improve it until you are not capable of improving it any more, either because you have a deadline to meet or because it is as good as you can make it or whatever. Too many people think that aiming for perfection is inherently bad. But if you haven’t at least tried then have you really done your best? If you set out to make something that is not as good as it can possibly be, will you end up with something that is as good as you can possibly make? The French poet and man of letters Paul Valéry explains this concept beautifully in an essay he wrote, from where the saying “A work of art is never finished, merely abandoned,” arose. He mentions the search for perfection, and its necessity in the creation of anything worthy of the name art. He is right. Compare the works of modern artists, poets, musicians &c to those of previous centuries, and it is difficult to argue that those who came before were clearly striving to create something far greater than the majority of modern creators. Consider the work put out by content creators, who will tell you that the quest for perfection is a barrier to the creative process. It is insulting to the memory of those great artists who came before us to consider such work as art, and thankfully nobody even claims that it is. Instead we call it content, and we consume it as opposed to appreciate it. If you wish to create art that has lasting value, you must strive for perfection, although you may never reach it, you will get closer than if you ever could if you never even try.

[@anamariabolo]

Please reconsider the editing. Dr K's pauses were very strategic and important for you to think about what he was saying. This is complex content, there is no use to it being delivered in a fast-paced streamline of information because you actually have to reflect on it for it to make sense. It's not jokes or random rants or easy to digest, so it being slower-paced actually helped understanding what was being said. These cuts make no sense and take away the value of what Dr K is trying to say. Before, it actually felt like someone was talking to you.

[@eshepard8565]

I didn't see the uncut version, but I endorse pauses! There's a lot to think about.

[@rafaelmontero5766]

Yeah I agree, it was posted multiple times on Reddit but no one seems to care...

[@anamariabolo]

@@rafaelmontero5766 the gods have forsaken that subreddit

[@StarmenRock]

Same, now i prefer to watch streams even though it eats more of my time. Good thing is that its much better to process overall than those youtube bites

[@nickhard7615]

Yeah, it feels more like I'm watching a series of shorts than an actual lecture

[@ZTRCTGuy]

Actually, I worked as a dishwasher for almost 10 years, a side job but nonetheless a job that a lot of people wouldn't enjoy doing. Thing is, even in these kind of jobs you might be able to find things that give you a little dopamine hit, talking and joking about with the cooks, the satisfaction you get when everything is clean and neatly organised on shelves. Getting dopamine all the time is gonna make you numb for it, having bad times make the good times so much better.

[@chillsgaming1900]

Wow 10 years as a dishwasher. I did it for 1 summer and that was enough for me.

[@kayligo]

I love this because all jobs matter. Eating off clean silverware Does matter. And I’m so happy you found joy in it. I’ve done the same with some jobs. Who you work with matters so much more than what you are doing 🙌🏻

[@0Ciju0]

Exactly. You need bad days to be able to appreciate the good. If every day was good, it wouldn't be a good day; it would just be a normal day.

[@daano465]

But I think doing those kinds things as a side job is different than working it fulltime

[@WhiteScorpio2]

I guess that depends on what you want from a job. Dish washing seems pretty OK to me, as far as jobs go.

[@senbofps]

"The man who loves walking will walk further than the man who loves the destination. When you love the journey, the goals just happen, you hit milestones as a side effect."

[@bushrashakil1863]

that is life with ADHD.

[@misslayer999]

"A wandering mind is an unhappy mind..." I follow neuroscience closely and there's actually been multiple studies that show this is true. When you're focused on the task at hand, even if it's not something you particularly enjoy, you're much more content than if your mind is elsewhere. Even if you're thinking about positive things or good times, doesn't matter. We're happier when we're in the present moment regardless of what we're doing in that moment. This is why meditation is good for us:)

[@FilinMXr]

After watching the video, I started thinking about that finding the thing that I like doing as a job could be as simple as finding an activity that can get me into the flow state enough to not have all these thoughts and fluctuations. This is definitely something that I want to explore

[@rayomcqueen2240]

​@@FilinMXryeah I was thinking the same indeed, but one problem I notice is that society don't really care, at least don't value it Let's say art, painting for example Lot of people enjoy it and get into the flow state doing it But how many of them really can live and work doing that Idk

[@fjordfjesta]

"Stop eating your favorite food for a decade" I tested positive for an allergy to chocolate (along with many other foods) when I was 2 or 3 years old, and that lasted until I was 12 or 13. Not necessarily my favorite food, but something I enjoyed immensely and that as a kid was pretty central to "kid" life. I became really good at telling myself "no" because I also knew that I'd get sick if I ate it. Literally "that's not for you, move along" was my inner mantra for that (and many other things I was unable to do because of chronic illness/asthma/allergies). Strangely enough, now I am in therapy actively working on advocating for myself more, and more actively pursuing the things that I do want in life, or that will bring a greater sense of fulfillment. While I can be good in persevering in difficult situations/circumstances and making the best of things, I lack a certain amount of agency to check in with myself and say "Hey, this is a crap situation, I should speak up for myself or seek out something else" because it's easy to disconnect (or just dissociate) and "get through" things that are difficult and uncomfortable day after day, even if that leads to stagnation.

[@victoriamarfina9819]

It's pretty random, but may I ask what limitations asthma implies? I never thought about it and now am very interested 🌸

[@fjordfjesta]

@@victoriamarfina9819 Sure, no worries. Please forgive the text dump. The limitations I had were primarily related to allergens and their effects on asthma--food or environmental allergens would trigger an asthmatic reaction for me (airway constriction, shortness of breath, wheezing, etc.) that required a rescue inhaler for minor events, or nebulization for more severe events. Occasionally, it would also trigger severe nausea--for example, when I ate a piece of chocolate while visiting the Hershey factory as a kid, and immediately threw up afterward. Moreover, it limited the types of environments I could be in (no smoking, no/minimal carpet, no pets, low mold, no perfumes/strong scents) along with the aforementioned foods I couldn't eat, and created some difficult times of the year when my asthma would become particularly bad--namely around the changing of the seasons. I would normally spend a little time at the ER at least twice a year as a kid, usually in October or November, and again in April. Eventually we got a nebulizer for at-home use and things got better, but it still limited my ability to go to friends' houses, have pets, go on certain field trips, and to do a number of other activities. Finally, I was on large doses of inhaled and oral corticosteriods for most of my early life, which contributed to significant weight gain as a small child outside of normal childhood activity and appetite levels, and helped to create an unhealthy relationship to food and exercise (hello exercise-induced asthma attacks!) that I've only begun to address and work through in the past few years. Upon re-reading my original comment, I also realize I should have added some nuance. This was *my* personal experience. I think that giving up some things/desires in order to build a sense of perseverance and tolerance of unpleasant situations is a great practice that can build discipline and lead to greater happiness/appreciation for things, but like all things some moderation may be needed to ensure the denial of desire fulfillment doesn't become maladaptive in its own sense, turn inward into self-loathing, etc. For me it was easy to link the ideas of "Well I should hold off on fulfilling these desires as a kid because I'll feel bad or get sick if I do" to as an adult "Well, I should be happy with these things I do have and not ask for more, even if the situation is kind of shitty, because I'm at least doing better than I was before--I should be less selfish, more grateful, etc." Lots of "shoulding" on myself, essentially. Like I said, I have a good therapist and I am grateful for the practice of psychotherapy in general, but I'd also eventually like to see more therapy related to kids with chronic illnesses, or adults who were once children with chronic illness.

[@victoriamarfina9819]

@@fjordfjesta thank you very much for answering and giving us a chance to learn something today ☺️❤️ Wish you all the best.

[@bobobsen]

There is no way you remember back to that age, that's impossible

[@onnol917]

@@bobobsen no its not. if these memories are completely accurate on the other hand

[@Dusta_Rhymes]

I hope Dr. K knows how much videos like these help people like me. I feel like every time he uploads, there's always something I can pull something away from it and make my day better. I was feeling anxious at my new job so on my lunch break I watched one of the videos as a little mid day therapy session and it helped my mood for the rest of the work day. Keep up the good stuff, you're helping so many.

[@ReddAngry]

I 100 percent agree. I recently heard someone talk about learning from self help books. He made me realize that I don’t have to learn everything single fact from a resource. Even if you only take a singe piece of good info from something, that can be enough to change your life in a significant way.

[@dogbabyproductions]

He is truly inspiring. I hope to one day learn as much as he has so that I can help others in the same way, even on a smaller scale. I think that we as a community are really extremely grateful for his work and the genuine perspective that he shares in such easy to understand but insightful ways.

[@YuriLongarms]

I think it's something about how little believable encouragement we get in our everyday life. While always drowning in your own negative thoughts, it's really refreshing to hear something positive with an explanation why it is what it is.

[@Stuck_on_pause]

It's surprising how many people don't realise that their feelings come from themselves. The most useful thing someone once said to me which completely turned my thinking around was "you do this to yourself". I still have this phrase in my mind when I have a strong reaction to anything in life.

[@LanceWillMakeIt]

Nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so

[@lololol924]

I use to struggle with playing video games whilst working from home. I took this advice and got comfortable with being "bored" and detached by not giving into dopamanistic urges to actually get work done. I found out that the reason why i was bored wasn't ACTUALLY because i hate my job....I just didnt have that much to do. Turns out i only have 2-3 hours of actual work and no ones seems to notice/care. So now i play video games while i work from home guilt free. I just make sure i prioritize work early in the day now.

[@eduardohenrique8602]

Amazing work man. Work from home and time for life and games? You've got a great work.

[@lemmings6516]

I would say I am pretty healthy, I have a sense of purpose in my life and I usually wake up happy and motivated. But I also see how my world is changing over time. I grew up in the countryside with little to no external stimuli, I walked the dogs, cuddled the cows and was always very connected to nature. When I had ideas I was able to find the space to follow through with them. I was able to build an agility Parcour for the dogs and a treehouse and swings from which you could jump into the river and so on… now as an adult living in the city I feel so limited by redundant laws that make human creativity and connection impossible, so many ideas die because of bureaucracy. I also see that so many of my friends are struggling so hard with their bodies and seeking sexual encounters that don’t make them happy. I feel like we are all collectively lost and it’s so weird being the one asking people to come and join a canoe/hiking/whatever trip but people cancel on me because they want to binge watch KZbin videos and feel miserable.

[@plaidchuck]

Culture shock

[@porcupethcrumpets]

peace is achieved when your mind doesn't fluctuate when you're bored, you start thinking about different things. That is lack of peace of mind satisfying your desire each time will give you temporary peace before you desire something else 14:02 pleasurable actions/jobs won't give you peace. begin to practice ignoring your desires. fight against your mind and then it'll stop. 17:30-18:31 19:08-20:14

[@data4385]

Last time I was forced to ignore my desires I ended up with maladaptive daydreaming and hating this world

[@savitasharma7399]

@@data4385 lol same here, daydreaming is fun for me for the first five minutes, I have the perfect life that's adventurous, perfect spouse that loves me, perfect job that I can easily work in for more than 8hrs but suddenly I realise that it was all dreams and reality is dogshit 🥲

[@paintl3gz]

I resonate so much with this person. I have gone through far too much post secondary education to find what it is I want to do with my life. I don't think this person is looking for work that is "fun" but "enjoyable." I've had jobs that range from part time entry level to full time professional and all of them have made me absolutely miserable, leaving work every day muttering "I fucking hate my job I hate my life I'm quitting." It's been a lifelong struggle trying to find fulfillment and happiness in my work.

[@aflyingpenguin7321]

Do you mind telling me what it is that you hate about your jobs? I feel like im in a similar boat, the past two jobs I’ve had I didn’t like because of two reasons: workload and lack of purpose. While I do believe in working for what you have, I still think that work life balance is necessary aka work to live not live to work. When it comes to lack of purpose, I mean corporate purpose aka profit not aligning with my personal goals of wanting to “meaningfully” help others. Sorry for the surprise essay, just found myself wanting to provide context lol. I’ve been pondering this a lot lately and have been curious what others have thought about this issue as well. Most importantly, I’m glad you haven’t given up and are still moving forward at your own pace!

[@blubug768]

@@aflyingpenguin7321 Not OP and late but, workload and lack of purpose sums up my mentality pretty good. Workload meaning I'm putting in 120hr work weeks while watching people around me putting in 30hr work weeks and not really being that far "behind" me..... is it really worth the effort?!? And lack of purpose being is the work I'm doing really making a difference?? Sounds similar to your situation, I can really only hold a job for about 3 yrs until I would rather blow my brains out than go back to same old same old day in and day out. I think a "career" just isnt for me and changing up what I do every few years is important

[@daviddobarganes9115]

Maybe Im projecting but have you tried finding meaning and purpose outside your work? I feel like capitalism is tricking us to view work as our entire life.

[@rayomcqueen2240]

@@daviddobarganes9115 very interesting, but, in the case most people have to do the 9-5 And they are so tired that they can't do anything else for the rest of the day Like it's the only thing they do, at least finding purpose in that It's fucked and shouldn't be like that

[@xuchilbara21392]

i think one of the biggest problems in our generation is the catastrophy of the comming future and it's complexity. technically our body should only be afraid of starving or being attacked by a predator. things i would classify as "real natural fears". but we are also burdened with the classical problems of modern civilisation, that i would describe as "abstract fear" like taking care of financial problems, paying of a mortgage etc. Our brain has big problems to deal with such fears because they are very complex and require hard planing and discipline to be solved. i can't just strike my bills aggressively with a blade and make my problems go away, i need to make a gameplan about EVERYTHING in my life so there is no real time to relax. even if i got a well paying job, i can still lose it ANYTIME (like at the pandemic). I already have to think how im going to pay off certain things in the next 20 years etc. Our modern life and all the bureaucracy is just to much for our monkey brain

[@killerdeath3935]

Exactly on point!

[@toonyrhythm3173]

Question, aren't "abstact fears" just extensions of "natural fears"? Like financial problems would lead you to not having food to eat

[@krox477]

Yeah World is matrix changing constantly

[@Coraz0na]

@@toonyrhythm3173 yes, but it is easyer to Deal with hunting against your Hunger than to Deal with paying your House for the next 20 Years. It's Something you do with a still mind (adrenaline Kicks in) and with an shorttimed solution (i hunted a rabbit that i cook now, found some blueberrys to eat directly, saved my child out of the water...). In the modern problem solving prozess you need a Long breath to solve those komplex fears.

[@thelaw557]

This has been one of my biggest issues my entire life (I’m 27), because of BPD and ADHD. Most days, I just want to lay in bed all day and be messy but it’s a miserable existence. Working sucks, not working is equally as stressful and sucks.

[@aflyingpenguin7321]

Thanks for sharing, I feel you on this 100% particularly that last part. Going into my mid 20s soon and after starting a corporate job after a long time of searching, the only conclusion I keep returning to is that there’s gotta be more to life than this

[@MultiTripleRainbow]

As someone with ADHD, I tried to detach myself from work for the last week or so. To not chase fluctuations of the mind. But I just ended up doing zero work several days in a row. Just staring at the screen for hours on end. It did give me a lot of insight into what I do not enjoy about my work and what I was feeling. It also made me feel a lot less bad about the idea of switching jobs. But I don't think detachment works very well for someone with ADHD, at least not in the long term. When I detach myself from fluctuations of the mind I have nothing that drives me towards work. I can sit there for days on end and do absolutely nothing. More creative solutions tend to work a lot better. Trying to work with myself instead of trying to control my mind directly.

[@kuroinokitsune]

That's exactly what was I thinking throughout the vid. "Why do even work then? Why live then? What the point?"

[@ismaelalmeida8137]

ADHDer here. My experience with detaching myself from work actually worked pretty well. I know we are not all the same nor have the symptoms of it, but see if those can help. First of all, i started medication. I never wanted anything to do with it while in school, but working is jsut different. I can't get away with one burst the day before an exam. Its slow and steady. So meds help me be a little more consistent. It's not a magic pill though, so I still need some sort of stimulation/dopamine otherwise i won't move. So the second thing i did was simply to find the stimulaiton OUTSIDE of the task i'm doing. Even if i have to think hard about one thing, I'll have music on the background. If it's one of those mindless task, i ALWAYS have an audiobook or podcast or even songs i can sing along to. Those give me dopamine. The work doesnt. But work pay my bills so there,s that. (if your work doesnt allow headphones, have your diagnostic in hand and ask your boss for accomodation. They cannot deny it. Otherwise you can sue them....) Since i've been doing it for the last year, I've become not only better at what I do, but i also enjoy it more. Sure it's not 100%, but when i can be fine and at peace with my work situation 70-80% of the time, I see that as a win.

[@zerere_]

Something that helped me is having several activities most of the days. I start (or try to start)) with something active and physically tiring, not to the state of exhaustion but just a lil yk, I still struggle with focusing and being "productive" basically doing the work that I have to

[@percussionfellow6168]

​@kuroinokitsune That's exactly what I'm worried about. If I'm supposed to detach myself to get over the fact of life sucks, or I don't enjoy it, I think I just don't wanna be alive at all.

[@kuroinokitsune]

@@MM2isBest I live in a region where it's totally doable. And if you want higher quality of live in process you can have some remote job. We have a dude here who made streaming channel about how he hides in the forest from government. Well, last time I checked he was there for two years. As for now I just don't know.

[@gwynnemush89]

I’ve been suffering from burnout lately and it’s also aggravated by anxiety. I work as a medic and I’m always conscious about what people will think of me. My greatest fear is to become a failure to others. After seeing this video, I realised I need to reexamine my own thoughts and understand how I respond to them. It’ll take a lot of practice because there’s always the tendency to fall back to what my mind is used to/the default mode

[@nickmurray37]

I was getting a bit stressed / overwhelmed / unhappy at work. So I stopped, wrote a list that happened to have 8 or so #1 priorities, (I forgot a couple as well) and emailed the list to my manager and said since they are all #1 - none are. Please manage me! Manager was happy I checked in with him, he reprioritized them, so I ended up having a much calmer, happier and more productive week after because my mind was not all over the place. Peace is achieved when your mind doesn't fluctuate over 8+ #1 priorities. I would also agree about not being emotionally attached to work. I ended up in that position with a product I was trying to get into production. I had to leave once it made production (5 years late! (for various reasons that were beyond my control)). I have now returned after 5 years and I am trying to be more detached. Its something I am still learning.

[@Dxntoo]

This video basically sums up Seneca's words: “We suffer more in our imagination more often than in reality.”

[@Hexanitrobenzene]

Yeah, I started thinking that stoicists said something similar.

[@BoostedPastime]

I think about that quote a lot.

[@alejrandom6592]

more more

[@isaiahmelvin8727]

I’m living with this detachment aspect and it’s changed my life. I didn’t know what it was called but I stopped giving in to my impulses and desires and everything has become more enjoyable.

[@hollowedboi5937]

Your mind is your room. Detachment is decluttering the room little by little over time. Once there’s enough space to move and cleaned out a bit allows more clean air flow, you can then become more aware of your surroundings and allow to add to your room things of actual value to you internally and take out things that are just thought clutter or extra space not needed at that time. The type and amount of clutter can be overwhelming, but when you accept that it exists and you’re gonna do it eventually, you just do it while your thoughts and clutter surround you. It exists but you still can do it.

[@JamieR]

I experienced detachtment in my study abroad in Vancouver. 1h meditation session daily every morning before classes. After about a month everything became interesting. Life just got additional layers added to them. Playing video games wasn't exciting because everything else had so much detail and enrichment. Sitting in class became incredibly fun and engaging. While prior, my entire bachelor was me squirming in my seat, because it was impossible to sit still due to screen addiction. Reducing tech, screen time, superstimuli I think is key to improve life. Else our brain begin to apply "filters" to handle the enourmous amount of stimuli, and mundame things became torture. Physically painful. So moral of the story -- meditate. Loved this video and I believe it will help many.

[@jenniferwilson6303]

I feel overwhelmed with being not good enough so I've strayed from watching uploads recently, but still wanted to say thanks for always being there to support the people's mental !

[@chiderakalaji7206]

even the ones talking about what you're struggling with right now?

[@tobi4586]

Chin up my friend you got this!

[@ZebrazRus]

be strong and face your fears you can overcome anything ❤

[@realfishtacoboy]

You got this! Also, very kind and thoughtful comment ❤️

[@Pepius_Julius_Magnus_Maximu...]

Interesting, I'm autistic and I find engaging in my special interests everyday after work is essential. Going to bed satisfied with my special interests practically guarantees a state of flow and meaning throughout the whole day. I mean, I've been thinking about death lately and I've realized I'm not even afraid of dying anymore, I feel like I've found meaning and lived what there is to live by engaging with my special interests. For context I'm 25, highly functional, and I've been like this for about a whole year.

[@timmybus21]

thanks for the insight "Thomas the rape engine" 😂😂 but i completely agree with you. for the past few weeks ive been doing the same and i feel very fulfilled in life

[@daelaenor]

If I didn't have a family, I'd probably just log off this world.

[@shortking3429]

Hi autistic I’m dad

[@joehole1975]

@@timmybus21 r/rimjob_steve

[@Dan47435]

That's great man! Happy to hear that

[@ethangilbert7305]

I started crying about the sad things in my life and and I found that it brought be a lot of happiness. I stopped thinking about my sadness. Stopped judging my sadness and just sat and experienced my sadness. It was really enjoyable to just be sad without any thoughts. I had to first find the core belief that cause all of those thoughts and I grieved the core belief which was that I’m unlovable. I grieved the fact that I’m unlovable and all of those thoughts just went away

[@dilanjoelberganocaicedo934]

Why do you say you are unlovable?

[@alistairblaire6001]

This is a fascinating approach to answering that question. It seems like those fluctuating thoughts can sometimes serve a purpose like getting you out of a bad situation, but other times it might be robbing you of possibly achieving peace. You just have to find a happy balance. But for a person who is continuously restless and unhappy, understanding this is a good place to start. Because maybe you really should keep looking.

[@VitaTuggummin]

aaah. i feel this one. the dopamine keeps coming back and it's.. i try, you know. but i get so caught up in my anxieties and then being with myself hurt too much. and now i've finally gotten my emotions back after years of blocking them, i learn to start detaching? so confusing to be alive. we're learning though. thank you dr. k for posting so often and freely. your videos are slowly changing my life.

[@MlebKdrz]

I think I've been in a similar place as you. Slow is okay. Unblocking emotions is hard work

[@eshepard8565]

Every job I've had has had things I enjoyed and things I hated. I wouldn't say any was excruciatingly painful, but they have all had times where I thought "I don't know how long I can keep doing this." But all for different reasons (physically exhausting, too much work for too little money, terrible commute, terrible office environment, windowless cubicle, smelled like a deli every night, etc). Funny though that the most "meaningless" jobs were not always the worst. When I was a file clerk, I longed for a job that felt like I was doing something interesting, something that mattered. When I became an ESL teacher, I enjoyed so much about it but felt like I could never live up to my goals as a teacher and the stress and constant extra work burned me out. The job I have now I've had for 7 years and I am still happy in it, though it's one I know a lot of people would hate. Turns out that the ability to work from home is huge for me, mental health wise. Not being tied to an office, and not being stuck in 9-5 (my work hours vary and are flexible) resolved the feeling that my life was being sucked away from me by the job. It's still work, but I feel less awful about it because I have more freedom. And when I gave up teaching, I had time to take up new things (for me it was social dancing, choir and samba band) that filled my life with new experiences, new people, joy, excitement, etc. So my takeaway is that what I need from a job is that it provide an income without getting in the way of my REAL life, outside of work! Just took me a long time to figure that out. My problem now though is that my job requires concentration and focus (I mark essays online) and that is where the THOUGHTS are a problem. I love Dr K's focus on mindfulness and meditation and I want to learn how to practice. But so far I'm too scattered and disorganized. Hahaha 😫😭

[@dilanjoelberganocaicedo934]

Hello, I'm just wondering, how's your work and life coming along?

[@jordanfast7354]

Wow this has been me for the past 5 years this summer was the first time I never had this feeling. All I did was found an opportunity to travel and work with a bunch of people in a convoy the job itself sucked the people I worked with made me work hard because if I didn’t they would suffer we were a team. When people started to notice, It made trying my best worth it to me. And because I was trying my best and accomplishing things at work my whole mindset changed. I had purpose for a time. Even though that purpose was just supervising a fricking traveling BBQ truck (not my dream at all😂) Now I’m home again I start my 3rd semester for fashion design and marketing. But this terrible feeling of lethargy and purposeless is back. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life still. This video was great love you man.

[@mrblok1992]

Takeaways: → Union/Peace is attained by cessation of fluctuations of the mind. → The starting step is to be detached from things. → Recognize the part played by external and internal factors. → Practice awareness.

[@Sentinel_White]

You forgot no nuggies for a decade😂

[@TheMrWolf]

My internal conflict was having managers or employers that put me down or treat me terribly, like insulting me or telling me I'm replaceable. I think i could work any job in the world as long as i was treated with human decency. Currently I'm self employed and making alright money. It's near minimum wage but in doing it on my own. I eventually want to start my own actual business, i know that i would treat my employees right

[@saturationstation1446]

nothing like being told you are supposed to be worked to death so they can move onto the next victim to starve before they qualify for insurance or a raise eh? lol. thanks for being decent enough to want to have employees treated well. feels like such a rarity these days

[@justmefrom1995]

This was really helpful, I'm in a situation that I hate my job and don't have the ways of changing it right now, so I'm trying my best to find peace and contentment in the situation

[@logancheatum8397]

This is a good way to think about the detachment Dr. K is talking about. basically, just do your best. Nothing more nothing less. some times that won't be enough. but as long as you do your best there's nothing you can be unhappy about. this works with all things. if you are the best boyfriend / girlfriend you could be and the relationship doesn't work out the only thing you can do Is try and be better. anything else is a waist of energy.

[@saturationstation1446]

i just want a safe place to live and a job that pays me enough to stay alive. dont care what it is. dont care if i spend the rest of my life with no friends and die lonely af. im sick of life being entirely controlled by people who make it known they have no intentions other than trying to harm me for entertainment and satisfying sadistic desires.

[@Reinturtle]

Whoever is making these thumbnails definitely deserves a raise. They somehow find a way to visualize every possible title!

[@data4385]

That's what I'm saying! :)

[@h1ghnezz]

TRUE

[@lColbyl]

I think this is a good mitigation strategy, thoughts are important, and it's true that in comparison work will never outweigh high dopamine activities. But I think for me it's a societal problem. I'm comfortable saying that our society is broken, and within that our job system is broken, and within that we are all more broken than ever before, and I think that combines to make work just a severely harmful thing. I have found my passion and I do it every day and the act of going outside to deal with broken, sometimes malicious people in a broken system is for me, traumatic, even though I do my passion every day. Great video.

[@lColbyl]

@@goober589 I've worked everything from plumbing to construction to Walmart to sales to research jobs and its just so flawed. The society breeds sick people, the sickest go to jail and come out worse abd rejoin the working population, sick people become managers who hurt people. Sick people breed more sick people who go on to inhabit the workforce. The society just is so toxic at this point, we have so much trauma due to the way modern life disconnects us in such major ways and distorts us that I believe we've never been so toxic in our human history. When you go to work you're just assaulted by bad people, both coworker and associated people, it's lead and shaped by majority bad people, within a badly formed nation within a badly formed world. It's twisted on twisted. I think what Dr k is saying is spot on, just that I think the OP hits on a larger issue than mitigation.

[@ExiledGypsy]

I tend to end up listening to your videos playng on my TV while I start the day on my usually doing something on my Laptop. I just turned 64. I have been struggling with "psychological" problems since I suppose the age of three when my sleep disorder started. I 1st felt depressed at the age 17. At 29 I had my 1st "break down"/"burn out". I was probably one of the 1st patients in Europe who was put of Prozac, I have had psychotherpy, psychoanalysis, group therpies of all kinds along with CBT. I was referred for CBT just before my 2nd breakdown after my company and my divorce at 41. My heart was damaged as part of it and then I was put on an atypical antipsychotic that almost ended with my death by starvation and I 100% ceratin it caused permenant damage. I finally figured out that it was Olanzapine that had turned me into a zombie that I could comfortable starve without even knowing it. I am 100% certain that my brain was permenatly and substantially damaged after almost 5 years on that medication. Then I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 49. Along the way a hell of lot more happened including heroine addiction, abandonned by my family and a lot worse. After all these years listening to you and others, I am still interested in all the STUFF more as a theatre and akind morbid entartainment rather than anything else. Because the whole thing is self-contradictory because non of it has anything to do with rationalisations, language or hindsight. All you are doing is retelling the same story with different words and the funny part is that the so called proffessionals know that the fundemental issue is that rationalisation is epilogue of emotional experience. We feel 1st and then rationalise and the cause of feeling except in a pavlovian context has more to do with what you ate for breakfast that the logic people use to rationalise it. Use of language in the form of, coaching, therapies are by comprrison to complexity of root causes so much suffering is so sadly pathetic that you might as well have been banging your head against the wall and expecting a different results everythime.

[@TirianSoverign]

Wow, the Doc delivered 5m after I asked myself this question. Always comes in clutch. Thanks Dr. K 🙏

[@data4385]

He's besoming faster and more precise. In the future he'll upload videos right before you need them

[@MiciousDawn]

Can I just say as a college counselor your content is gold. You have such a great way of explaining things in a digestible way.

[@SarahCooper-xs9ty]

Hey, First of all, thanks for the video. It had some interesting points, and I liked the breakdown of the difference between pain and suffering and that. Good stuff. Secondly, I've watched a lot of Dr K content, and this is the first video that I've seriously disagreed with. I get the importance of detachment and not giving in to emotional impulses, but not allowing yourself to act on any negative emotions is really dangerous. For context, I worked a job for about 18 months. Decent job, good pay, time-in-lieu for overtime, friendly atmosphere, and all that. Most people would say it was a good job. But it took me from arguably the healthiest mentally that I've ever been to contemplating suicide on a daily basis. And I didn't think there was anything wrong at all, until I realised how often I was thinking of killing myself. Because every negative thought or reaction I had to the job, I just shrugged off, accepted that that was how things were, and focused on the positive. So I didn't realise how damaging a lot of what was happening was. I've talked to people since, about some of the things that happened; things like having to work a 60-hour block one weekend, with only a couple of hour long naps while code was compiling as breaks, or having an entire project left to me, a graduate worker, with no oversight, no experience, and no one to ask for help, and a client breathing down my neck to get it done. And people say that's terrible, or that they shouldn't have put me in that situation, or that I should have spoken out, and yeah, looking back, I should have, but how was I supposed to know to do that? If you dismiss every bad thought or feeling as just your brain being "hedonistic" and wanting to play video games all day rather than work, then how are you supposed to know when things are actually bad? You're not wrong that you can make any situation tolerable, just by changing your mental state. But you overlook the point that there are times when you shouldn't. Negative feelings - anger, sadness, etc - have a purpose; they let you know when you're being wronged. Sometimes they're a little overly enthusiastic in this role, but they're critical to being able to function, as a person, in relationships, in society, etc. And encouraging detachment as a blanket response to everything will, I think, have some pretty severe negative side effects down the road. I'm not convinced that human beings can actually truly function like that. Total subjectivity - which you claim can ensure you aren't in a bad situation - requires total understanding of yourself, the people around you, how employment works, etc, in order to judge what is reasonable for your job to ask of you, and what is crossing the line. And you have to be applying that understanding to every. single. aspect. of your life. Which... I mean, it may be possible. But I don't know anyone who has the bandwidth to truly do that. Emotions are shortcuts; you don't often sit, and reflect, and come to the conclusion that, I don't know, the way your boss is speaking to you is objectively wrong, because of X, Y, Z instances of language that is objectively immoral to use (ignoring, of course, that almost all language is subjective, and open to interpretation, and whether or not what someone says to you is wrong is almost always felt, rather than thought). Instead, you walk away from a conversation feeling angry, or frustrated, or upset. And that might ruin your day, but it might also let you know that your job isn't good, and you need to change something. You claim you should be able to judge when you need to leave a job when you become sufficiently detached to be totally objective. But the reality is that there are very few times a job will be, blanket statement, zero context required, objectively bad. Being punched is "objectively" bad in a lot of workplaces... but totally normal for a boxer. Having someone scream at you for an hour is "objectively" abusive... unless you're in childcare. Those are extreme examples, but you can drill down with almost any "objectively" bad workplace attribute, and find instances where it's totally fine. Objectivity is subjective to the variety of the human experience. I was lucky enough that I had an external check, that I've used for a long time, that finally made me realise that things weren't okay, and that I needed to get out. It's been 2 and a half years since I quit that job, and I've been unemployed the entire time. Every time I get close to getting another job, I end up having a hyperventilating panic attack and having to basically start recovery all over again. Because I refused to acknowledge the very real damage my job was doing to me at the time, rationalised every bad aspect of the job into being "objectively" fine, all in the name of making my attitude responsible for my well-being in the workplace. I don't think I'm alone in this; I've realised, since leaving, that the job having a reputation for employees yo-yo-ing (leaving, then coming back several months later, then leaving, etc) was a sign that many of the other people in the company were similarly having breakdowns, then coming back because they talked themselves into thinking the job wasn't that bad/looked good on paper, then having a breakdown, and so on. The person who made the original post may have the problem your describing (essentially, dopamine addiction). Maybe they do need to cleanse a bit. But that's not what their post described. If they were dopamine addicted, they'd spend their free time doing low-effort, high-dopamine-reward activities (like the eternal scroll). But that's not what they said. They said they spend their weekends staring at the ceiling, lacking the motivation to do anything. That may be a metaphor/euphimism, but they didn't say they were on their phone, like a dopamine addicted person would be. So, taking their post at face value, saying that their issue with their jobs stems from wanting to be on their phone/gaming appears (again, assuming honestly) to be missing the point. I'm not a doctor, but from the multitude of diagnoses that various medical professionals have thrown around for the past years for me, it looks more like depression. The lack of energy even outside the workplace means it's probably not burnout, and that they've tried various jobs make it less likely (but not impossible) to be abuse in the workplace. Can't rule out factors in their personal life, but saying a depressed (it looks like to me, anyway) person just needs to be... less hopeful? Of having a satisfying work-life? Yikes. It doesn't surprise me at all to learn that corporations are pushing this ideology onto their workers. It's much easier to abuse your employees if you can convince them that any distress they experience as a result of their mistreatment is just their poor attitude. I really think that this is such a dangerous mentality to be encouraging in people. I'm the most detached person I know. I don't want anything at all, really. And that lack of wanting? Makes me suicidal. If you don't want anything, you're not hoping for anything, if you're not hoping for anything, you're not moving toward anything, if you're not moving toward anything, you're stationary. And in life, from what I've seen? If you stop swimming, you'll start to drown. Sorry I probably overshared there, but looking at the view count of this video makes me feel a little sick. The video was mostly quite good. And it's entirely possible I'm just not understanding what you said enough. But I think this needs to be said; negative emotions exist for a reason. Sometimes they're your brain being dramatic and overreacting. And sometimes they're the cracks in the ships hull just before it sinks. Emotions are largely relative to one another; you have to experience that bad ones if you want the good ones, the same way that light, without shadows, would blind you to everything, or render the world so de-saturated as to make it impossible to perceive the true shape of things. They're spectrum's, as you yourself drew; you can't just turn off one end of them. If you meant to convey, with this video, that people should detach themselves from their emotional responses (maybe you didn't, but if I thought that's what you said, others will too), and only take action when it objectively make sense to do so... objectively speaking, there's never any reason to do anything. If you're totally objective toward life, the inevitable end of it means there's no real reason to struggle, to work, to put any effort in at all. We'll all end up in the ground anyway, right? No difference between now, and 80 years in the future. Why expend effort to do anything at all? That's what a completely objective, detached attitude toward life looks like. I promise you, you don't want it.

[@sophya5796]

Really wasn't the usual, insightful content this channel is known for. Instead, we dove straight into the "Guru BS" self help hell 🙄 To me, the writer sounds just like a very depressed and lonely person. Propably some trauma behind him/her. "Clearly the problem here is my attitude" is the exact mindset that makes people tolerate abusive relationships and workplaces. Let's not normalize suffering, thank you very much!

[@AnaAlmeida001]

Even though I agree with a lot of what you said, I feel that the detachment you talk about can be very dangerous. It can mean not being connected with your own feelings or swallow them up until you get sick and don’t know why. Maybe that strategy worked for you in many instances, but it seems to me you really enjoy what you do here on KZbin, not just endure it. I don’t know. Something’s wrong in your point of view, and I think you could try to analise it, including how much of your own personal experience and unhealthy psychological strategies you are projecting in here. Nevertheless, I thank you. I really enjoy your videos and insights.

[@suddensilence4230]

Exactly what i was thinking. Word to word. Personally, i even seriously start to think that some people are cursed to never find a purpose (profession or business, whatever brings you a material benefit to cover basic needs and more than that) that they will enjoy, or at least feel neutral about it. Any advices that i heard so far weren't useful (Or i start to think on it and see it as a pointless strategic, like in this video, and you have mentioned it all) At the same time, there is a persons who genuinely feel happy with their work, so it doesn't mean like every job sucks. It depends on your personality. Also might be on luckiness. How are you btw? If you dont mind me asking.

[@Kain59242]

I enjoy hedonism. I've never gotten into the harder drugs and I don't drink to excess. I really only work enough to live and afford my vices and I gotta tell you, I'm having a blast. Alot of people talk about needing some higher purpose and I just don't. I am a tiny insignificant speck of dust in a vast and uncaring universe and I am perfectly fine spending my time chilling with friends and family. Peace!

[@rowlganartamas2835]

Yeah that's one area I have a different experience than the mindfulness & stoicism direction of current psychology. I think it's a great direction in general and almost always very helpful, but like every piece of advice that's great "in general", there are outliers it doesn't work for. Some people get a leg up on this one way or another and can engage with hedonism in this way. In my case it was religious deprivation practice growing up, so now as a non-religious adult I don't *need* the hedonism, it can just be the icing on the cake of life and not control me, and so also can be more present in my life than it'd be for others without becoming a problem for me. For others (possibly you?) the detachment side of mindfulness can lead to similar effects. But to get to that place, most people still have work to do. They'd have to treat pleasures very carefully for a long time first so they can work on mindfulness and detachment, until they get to that point where they decide how they want hedonic activities to fit into their life or not. (Including certain "adult"-related products and activities--it definitely conflicts with my experiences how negative a lot of online advice givers are toward those kinds of things. But maybe that's for the best for many people in online audiences who can be very insecure about those things and would just be teasing themselves)

[@woodrifted]

I'm honestly working towards this philosophy. I've spent most of my life trying to bottle up my emotions both good and bad bc every emotion was 'bad'. Now, I'm not doing anything Hard, but I also won't deny myself the chicken nuggets if I really want them. It's not a bad way to live compared to what I was doing before. I'm learning to be more attuned to my body and I'm learning that emotions are more nuanced than just 'bad'

[@Vanessa-gh5bb]

Hello to the Dr. K team, At first, thanks for the video. I would like to make a suggestion about the video editing. I noticed that there are many cuts of sections where I think there were speaking pauses originally. Cutting these off makes the whole flow somehow really hectically and stressful for me to listen to. I really enjoy the normal pauses because it gives me some time to let the information sink in or check if I got the point that Dr. K is trying to make (which might on top require a little extra time as a not native English speaker). I would really enjoy the uncut or less cut version here on KZbin or at least the style of some months ago. Thanks for your content and work!

[@rene95014]

Just what I was thinking.

[@grooverkitty]

Super agreed

[@ratsalad178]

came here to say exactly this!

[@savitasharma7399]

Please people! Fucking like this comment Dr. K needs to see this!

[@DubmanicGetFlazed]

100% agree. I cannot watch this channel anymore. the last 4 or so vids I have watched I just feel stressed and Like I did not absorb any of the information AT ALL. Does anyone know what VOD this is on his twitch channel???

[@danielroy8232]

I work in a factory, and if I just convince myself to not care about how horredously boring the job is, and I just make myself into a robot, that sounds like an insult to humanity itself.

[@tiagoduarte2105]

Just what I need

[@deleted_handle]

This is a reply.

[@yusei_desu]

i noticed theres alot of cuts to dead space. as someone who’s been watching your stream and youtube for years this is greatly appreciated. i hate when i can’t finish a topic on my lunch break lol

[@konigjager4245]

Just what I need.

[@criminallettucewraps5207]

What's interesting with the whole "oh no I'm gonna fail and they'll think I'm an idiot". Is that that will cause so much anxiety that it may prevent you from actually studying at all and then it will come true. This is what happens with me a lot. I get caught up in the anxiety of what will happen that I forget to take steps to simply prevent what I can control and then It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

[@Moya4789]

I will never forget the words of the lawyer that started working with after finishing law school when I finally found the guts to say to him "I think that job os not for me". He said: "I would do it for a pennie". And let me tell you guys, being a lawyer is not what most people think. It is not Suits series or court scenes in films. It is fundamentally a bureaucratic profession, spendind hours of research in between immense ammount of boring laws. I remember being so disappointed and now after watching K's video started to question if leaving was the right choice or should I have stayed and endured that life.

[@jairschirmer9867]

I addapted a Tony Robbins teaching (podcast with Theo) exactly like this, while working. Mentally say: focus on what you have (I look to an object). Focus on what you can control (look to another). Focus on the present (I look to my hands). It keeps my mind to wandering.

[@VarHyid]

I used to think like that and figured it out after a decade. I finally accepted to enjoy the life I had… and then 2 months ago my mom got hit by a car and is still in the hospital… just as we were about to have a happy life, just as I found peace with her 😢

[@Riboflavingavin]

I’m sorry about that. How are you guys doing?

[@VarHyid]

@@Riboflavingavin There's no more "you guys" :( She passed away in November last year. After that I started documenting my "life" (more like existance) here on KZbin on my VH8-3 channel. There's a full long "how my mother died" video covering the whole thing, if you're interested.

[@Nietzschian_Nihilist]

Doc please don't cut the silences. it gives me (and i believe many other viewers) time to process what you have said..

[@ThePro499]

This video came at the perfect time. Lately, I have been at the gym and I can’t focus on my workout cause my mind is racing with thoughts on work and school related stuff that needs to get done. I will start practicing detachment from these things. To attain a peace of mind and not worry so much. Thank you Dr K.

[@kristidaemon4709]

Great video. Actually helped me with some things I've been thinking about for some time now. However, the question is how to grow in this case? What will be the motivation, if good enough is good enough? Why would you ever try to change anything? An example: I had a job that I loved for 5 years. For some, it could be very boring, but it had endless possibilities to make it fun, so yeah, while many people before me quit, I loved it. It wasn't paying a lot, but it was more than a minimum wage, let's put it that way. 10 years ago I was making okay money (now it would be nothing, of course). And even though paychecks were okay, I loved my colleagues etc., I felt like I could do more with my life. My job was pretty simple and I had the desire to show the world I can do more. Why do others have it better and not me? While I'm super responsible, punctual, with an average GPA in college of 3.8, and loved by colleagues (we are still friends with some of them, even though 7 or more years had passed) others work on some projects, creating something new, doing something that a random person from a street couldn't and I... doing something that anyone else can. If I wouldn't follow my desire to show the world that I am better (which probably is unhealthy and clearly created by fluctuations in my mind), I would never want any other job. So doesn't detachment stop you from growing, since you don't follow your desires and are just at peace wherever you are?

[@marcelokj954]

At my current job this is really like what dr K exposed in this video. Everytime I focus on my tasks and let these thoughs flow away, I end up feeling content with my day. Now, there are things that let me worried about the future but I guess I gotta let it go too because engaging in the analysis of what's the right thing I should do only leave me stuck in a endless spiral of thoughts.

[@TonyQuinn]

Perfect timing. For the past two years I’ve basically killed my attention span by heavily using social media (mainly Tiktok.) It’s affected my ability to read, play video games, be creative, and even watch movies. It’s pathetic and I’m tired of the cycle, so yesterday I deleted the last of the social media apps on my phone. My mind isn’t gonna be happy but oh well haha.

[@JustSomeDinosaurPerson]

Honestly, a lot of that post hits home, and for me a lot of the resentment towards work comes from our current society and my lack of desire to contribute to something that routinely exploits me and everyone else.

[@ReddAngry]

Thank you Dr K. I am one more person you’ve helped. I’ll do my best to pass it forward and direct my friends and family to this community. Seriously, thank you.

[@moejoe4419]

I feel so free. This is what I needed to hear. I had this conflict for a long time. Purpose vs Money. What I really should look for is peace. This shit got me stressing. But I am so relieved.

[@danielroy8232]

"hate your job? just choose not to hate it bro. just ignore your misery."

[@stale.baguette]

For me, I have too many dreams and aspirations. I want to do quantum physics, engineering, music performance, psychology, forensics, business, or become a politician. I feeling like I’d be killing part of myself by choosing only one.

[@Nyxeline]

My mind was BLOWN. This is exactly what I've been dealing with but, instead of jobs, for me it was caring about what people wanted and constantly worrying about everything.

[@mossvibes]

This was really elucidating, I feel a lot more like I have options now and a path forward! Thanks, Dr. K!

[@dunar1005]

I am not sure if i agree.. our body was made for the fluctuations. We need this constant up and down of neurotransmitters. We just don’t need it as strong as we can get it today. But not using your brain to be at peace sounds like shutting of a computer to prevent bugs.

[@its_notta_cedar]

Started doing bonsai->now I give people trees that make them happy->I give out enough trees and some of them make it in the ground=.5% of those trees providing oxygen for up to thousands of years. I love working with plants, I believe in what I'm doing because there is empirical evidence that it's a good thing. I never need to stop working because I never want to stop touching trees and my income has reflected that. I didn't focus on making more money, I focused on doing something I love at a level that provides value to other people. When people talk about happiness, complain about income or have basic dreams like "influencer". They're overcomplicating something that in reality is extremely simple, these are the real signs of a pseudo intellectual. Don't focus on a good job, focus on finding work you never want to stop doing.

[@mintee8638]

Ability-goals is something I have found helpful for setting. For goals, they imply a path, which implies an ability. To have an ability goal simplifies a goal a little more, and makes it more concrete and actionable.

[@skellymax6783]

I feel like in this one video, the thesis of the entire channel was given. The entire script was a constant barrage of mind-blown moments. I've experienced them before, scattered across many other videos. But in this one single 25 min vid so much was covered succinctly and profoundly. If I recommend this channel to anyone, I will undoubtedly start with this video.

[@stenkamx5406]

I needed something to listen to this morning and didn't realize I actually really needed to hear it. I'm not on the OPs level, but I felt it to a good extent. Made me take another look at things I do on my personal life. Conveniently, I've been working on improving my self-discipline and just going to the gym again. This kind of helped me feel like I was on the right track. Thank you.

[@Raftiano]

Maybe the short term answer is "the search" or "the process" in finding meaningful work. The process can help generate the motivation to find what this person is seeking. They could essentially document the process. Like go full Gary Vee and post the journey online and on social media. The more this person works at finding/documenting the process, the closer this person can get to finding fulfillment :)

[@nycsmokereport]

In regards to the person struggling to find fulfilling work that doesn’t feel like suffering, I would recommend dog walking or working with dogs in some way. Perhaps at a daycare or as a pet sitter if full time is not available. It will get you outside, walking , and spending time with an animal . Love the channel thanks Dr. K

[@skye1657]

This is probably the most valuable video I have watched in my entire life

[@Mad_S]

I dont need a job to make me happy. I just need a job where I dont get punished for acting weird or making a mistake that adhd and ptsd leave me prone to making.

[@lilb07]

I wonder how much of this is impacted by being sold the idea that we can do and be anything we want when we’re young. So we constantly want to pursue this thing/idea that we think is what we want because we believe that we feel we should be able to have it

[@drtcs63]

Brilliant exposition and application of the first few lines of the yoga sutras. That Patanjali sure knew how to open a book with a bang…so much wisdom in so few words. Dr K is really making that wisdom sing in nailing it to our modern situations and problems. By practice and detachment these can be stopped, indeed! I know some of the wisdom but constantly lose sight of it in my life. It’s great to have someone remind me that yes, I have been taught what to do. And to do it so clearly. I need those reminders it seems. Thanks Dr K! It’s great to find someone at the intersection of mental health, philosophy, and spirituality…exactly the intersection I find myself at.

[@tonydejesus3774]

Its like the Algo hears my thoughts and knows my struggles. Desire and fulfillment is what i've been struggling with this week. Finding peace is the absence of pleasure, or even fighting off the suffering to be at peace is hard. Why do we want the desire can be just as challenging as a question, when there isn't a clear cut logical answer.

[@prima08]

For me using releasing letting go meditations help me remove attachments by trigering my emotional resistance, letting it be in my body, experiencing it, understanding what it trying to give me, giving it to myself and letting it go at the end.

[@utahnl]

I though this video was about finding purpose in life, i don't think i heard the word purpose even once in this video. Working my last job i set aside my desires and detached from them, i worked hard and did my job well, i didn't particularly like my job but i recognized i wasn't there to like it but to support myself. My adhd and autism made it absolute torture, the constant random distractions and all the social bullshit, at best i could work 5 hours a day, 20 hours a week and it left me completely exhausted every single day. I would get home and all i could do was stare braindead at a screen or wall, even on my 3 free days, then at the end of the week i get some small amount of energy back only for the rat race to repeat again. There was no working to support myself, those 20 hours a week earned me the same amount as welfare, no increase in spendable income and left me exhausted to the point of no longer having an actual life to live. They promised me career growth options, said my "disabilities" were not a problem for them, that they would help me but any support just evaporated over time and in the end they just abused my work ethic and cast me aside before they would have to give me a full contract. I've been actively looking for a purpose in life for over 20 years now without finding anything but false hope, all i want is to be useful, valued and to be content, but all i'm left with is apathy and resentment. My current conclusion is that if there is any purpose in life it's to realize that there is no purpose in life.

[@saturationstation1446]

we've had pretty similar workplace experiences. if only employers actually rewarded competence and productivity instead of punishing it for whatever galaxy brained capitalist reason

[@anirudhviswanathan3986]

Capitalism mindset sucks a lot. Not only that, in places like startups, sometimes they may not even consider you important enough, or maybe they're just bad at meaningful career guidance, I did what OP said, I tried in one company I worked for to do certification and other ways to move my career forward, even talked to HR about moving me to another role, only to have it all evaporate totally. And in another, when I asked about switching roles, at most, I got a "maybe", with zero clear direction or meaningful guidance/mentorship. In the startups I've worked at, I've found that people are simply too damn stressed over everything else to be any sort of career guide/mentor.

[@Serena-or7sl]

For similar reasons I'm considering moving from a "cushy" office job to ...odd jobs, for lack of a better term. There is no way for me to be able to work 40 hours a week chained to a desk, unfortunately (though I will try again just to be 100% sure)

[@tuckvison]

Dr. K's reasoning is also horrific. "Just suck it up. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and choose to work."

[@evildeadedd]

@@tuckvison that no dr. K. That's therapy in general. The essence of all talk therapy is "suck it up, other people have your problems, and they are fine."

[@kat200214]

Super interesting video (as usual). I'm not trying to be critical or insulting (and I'm aware that there is no magic bullet/pill), but, I'm often aware of why I'm feeling uncomfortable/anxious (boredom for example), and nothing really changes? Like, I know that I really don't like going to work (cashier) mostly because I'm bored and feel understimulated, so the solution to that is just to sit with it? I don't feel detached from those desires/thoughts/feelings, just more aware of them. I don't have control, just awareness. I cannot stop the thoughts and corresponding anxiety/discomfort/pain, only literally just look at it right in the face and sit staring, or try and distract myself, or run away from it. So the solution to feeling purposeless, feeling bored with everything, uninterested in jobs, feeling like "what is the point of doing anything?" is to be aware that I'm largely causing my own discomfort/suffering? I've done that and it's still quite uncomfortable. I've stood there during my work shift as a cashier and thought all about how I'm feeling so anxious and frustrated because I'm bored and how that is somewhat self-inflicted (but also pretty common in the sense that: many people find tedious repetitive work boring and difficult to tolerate) and I still feel like crap. I just keep using willpower and social anxiety/fear to keep going to work and try and tolerate my discomfort. Therefore, if I'm understanding this video correctly (and I really hope I'm not lol), I shouldn't try to pursue jobs that I'll find more interesting, and should instead just be aware of and stew in my own discomfort (because it does not disappear nor significantly lessen no matter what I do)? I should add that even though I believe that certain jobs will interest me more than being a cashier for example, I'm doubtful if I'll find something I'm content/at peace with.

[@huntercook5816]

Thank you so much Dr. K. That pain/pleasure x peace/suffering axis was such an eye opener for how to approach things.

[@ranges787]

i started my own business. and that was it for me. i get a kick from the uncertainty. life is boring without risk that was my purpose.

[@mandyford7357]

this hits my core, Dr. K! As someone who bounced from one grad school program to another, I find the same patterns playing out in my life- I thought it was a mid life crisis, then I thought it was because of my neurodivergency- and burn out is real! I dealt with this twice

[@thisweirdkidbummer3266]

My favorite quote that basically sums all of this up is “we suffer more in imagination than we do in reality” - Seneca. It really puts things into perspective for me

[@remnant1018]

It’s frustrating to hear people tell you “work isn’t supposed to be fun”, then hear other people say they love what they do, and _you_ work for years at a place that feels like a meaningless time-filler that just gives you money so you can continue to live and own stuff until your next paycheck. You do start to feel like “where’s my ‘work that I love to do’ or my ‘work that doesn’t feel like work’? Where do I need to be working where I too can end most days with a smile like them? What was my major _supposed_ to have been in to end up happy like they are?”

[@autumnjmo]

Does Dr. K ever talk about the opposite issue: living in survival mode and constant deprivation? What if indulgence feels terrible?

[@TheIllerX]

Good advice as always. There is one thing that feels quite contradictory to me here and this is the talk about having a mind at peace without fluctuations. How is that supposed to be combined with using your mind for work, which involves a lot of thinking and thought fluctuations? To be present at peace, clearing your mind surely can feel good, but as long as you are in that state you wont be able to do any work unless you break the state and start using your mind.

[@commenteroftruth9790]

I don't think the words are always correct. Using your mind and having fluctuations is necessary. but those fluctuations being thoughts of needing satisfaction while working can/are what lead to the state of emptiness. rather than working on the goals that will grow you and lead you to a deeper healthier realer satisfaction.

[@notequalto5179]

I study achievement and goals and this stuff fascinates me. It's especially interesting for young adults trying to figure out what thing or things they want to do to work.

[@julietijerina8176]

We're really talking about the hedonic treadmill here. That describes the phenomenon that we repeatedly return to our baseline level of happiness, regardless of what happens to us. So, yeah, temporarily, if you get "the perfect job", you'll feel happy. But ultimately, we will always return to our baseline happiness. So, better to practice mindfulness and contentment, as happiness due to circumstance is rather fleeting. (Plus, circumstances change!) I also don't think you can necessarily find it in a job - the best you can hope for in employment is the flow state.

[@renegadesofanarchy289]

Imo the hedonic treadmill is one of life’s greatest evils.

[@billnye6291]

So much that you've talked about has helped me but nothing has hit home quite like this. Thank you.

[@Yuccshi]

This is the most useful and applicable video I could have asked for, working night shift as a manager 12 hours a shift commonly. Thank you

[@danxdanx8877]

This actually makes sense. The budha said it too, the solution to suffering is not to desire things, detach from your desired outcome don't build up too much anticipation because no matter if you'll achieve it or not you will be miserable after that because you attached yourself too much.

[@Kirbylini]

Well that sure makes sense. My mind seems like it's fluctuating A LOT for about ~2 years. No wonder I feel exhausted, stressed/anxiety, lack of purpose... Not that simple ofc, but I can at least try to be mindful of it now. "why not stop eating nuggies, you aren't happy anyway?" I love it, think it's a great thing to think on, but hopefully people don't see it as nihilistic or too reductionist (it kind of is, but that completely misses the messages intent). ^ Made me wonder... what about things that make you unhappy, that you can't currently change? You can accept that you can't change it.... but when it's something like a bed that ruins your sleep, accepting it doesn't change the fact it causes back pain and bad sleep. Now imagine that's most things currently, not great :(. creates a lot of inherent fluctuations. Meditation/mindfulness help, but when you work really hard to change these things and they still fail/make you unhappy; it'd take a lot of meditation to quiet those fluctuations. The reasonable conclusion is that it's an internal problem then if it keeps occurring, but there are definitely plenty of external problems that just a change in internal isn't the fix (other than working to make a better decision next time) (I'm going to ask this elsewhere since this isn't really the place for it... it's here anyway, so sue me)

[@janosimas]

I think this is actually a good comment, it just is not the topic he is focusing in the video. The initial comment was about the internal struggle, and that is what the video is about, it will not solve external issues as you described. BUT, from experience, when you reduce the internal struggle, it's easier to have the clarity to find solutions to external problems. I'm not saying you'll find a magical solution, just that you'll have more clarity on how to approach the problem. Sometimes there are not solutions, sorry about that. Other times there are compromises, it won't solve the problem but will make it less of an issue...

[@thelouisjohnson]

For me, I feel like most of this is learning to allow for experience - rather than be so restless to want to change it. We can all have desires, fears and frustrations. I believe that’s all fine. But it’s the difference between allowing them to be and fighting them to go away, which seems like the line between contentment and disappointment.

[@AkashdeepRawat]

This is unbelievable, After you released video for how to achieve your aim ( not the exact title). I was thinking how to find your aim. And here is the video. Thank you so much Dr. K

[@greateststam1]

I feel part of the problem is that a lot of people expect that you have to specialize In one area to do well in business and therefor that should be the one and only thing you enjoy doing. It really doesn't have to be like that. Most people I see with fulfilling lives have something different they are doing every day! It may not help you be competitive in one area to think this way but so what? Not all the people who are on the very top of the ladder are happy with what they are doing.

[@mauriciogerhardt3209]

Trying to only reach happiness is a recipe for disaster, because whatever you desire is painfull while you don't have it. So if you desire happiness, it's going to bring pain while you don't have it, which will make you want happiness even more, which will bring you even more pain, etc. How to get out of it? Don't focus on attaining happiness, focus on fulfilling things that you know you can fulfill. And don't focus on the long distance things, focus on what you can fulfill today. Everytime you fulfill something that you wanted, you'll get happiness from it.

[@bluezaton]

My job pays decently, but is physically painful and draining through repetitive motions and overtime because of high turnover and excessive call outs. I often need the weekend to recover, and it's hard learning new skills because of how exhausted I am after each day. But this video helped me realize there has to be more options, even if I don't like them, it could lead me to a better job, not perfect, but better.

[@wattpad3094]

Thank you. So happy to have discovered your channel. Your content speaks straight to my problem at heart and offers a method to fix it. I have been experimenting with Buddhism and the concept of mindfulness. This just inspired to continue diving deep into the philosophy and practices

[@JohnSmith-ui9yu]

Just to reiterate what someone already commented, I do like the pauses, I like it when Dr K shows when he's thinking, the message comes off differently. There maybe some slow parts like say if Dr K were experiencing technical issues and I think that's okay to edit it out, but in this video it feels unnatural, like Dr K comes to a conclusion right off the bat when from older videos I always see Dr K making small pauses to think about what to say.

[@cantorofleng7837]

Hard to find, or keep to a purpose when life is an intrinsic negative.

[@St3v3NWL]

But how does this work with people that have ADHD? Because if I detach myself I'm not getting anything done at all.

[@matt.stevick]

I am really happy I found this channel recently. I do not game, but sometimes struggle with mental health.

[@gignas1992]

Dude, i listened to J. Peterson, Goggins, some guys who are based on vedic like psychology and nowdays psychology, also many others and the way you explain and what you explain is one of the best for me - kinda f'd up guy with maaany traumas and my own mistakes. Thank you so much. Btw, hello from Lithuania 🇱🇹🙏🤷‍♂️😀

[@fairyfromabove4336]

Brooo, i've watched just a 10 mins, but it already helped me A REAALY LOT. A gigantic thank to you

[@TheLukeguy7]

This is one of the best videos on the whole of KZbin. So interesting and well presented, thank you and well done.

[@Dobermanmomma]

I went to college and I don't know what to do afterwards. I end up two years later running triathalons/constant training which is fun and enjoyable but I don't make money. The only money I make is on apps such as door dash. Needless to say I am in quite deep financial problems. I guess I thought college was going to have lectures like this and I graduated more lost than ever. Thank you!