How to Stop Feeling Guilty in 4 Steps...Grief, Loss, Death, Losing a loved one

Do MORE than Survive Grief. In this video, learn tools and strategies to overcome your grief. Move through grief more quickly, take back control and find happiness again.
Grief and grieving sucks and you shouldn't have to do it alone. You deserve support. Sign up for a free coaching session to see what grief coaching is all about. It’s a fact that no one taught us how we should grieve. And I know first-hand that what you are going through right now is hard enough, without having to figure it all out on your own. I’m here to tell you that seeking support in the grieving process is a true sign of strength, not weakness!
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About Catherine McNulty
After losing her infant son in 2011, Catherine embarked on a journey to do more than survive grief. The loss forever changed the trajectory of her life and sent her looking for meaning and purpose for the life she was given. She channeled the love for her son into her own healing, self-growth and personal empowerment.
Today, she has created a framework to grief that disrupts conventional ways of looking at loss. She challenges her clients to step outside of a victim mindset and regain control of how they navigate grief. She teaches how to grow through grief and encourages speaking openly about grief to break down the walls of silence around grief.
Catherine lives in San Diego with her family where she speaks, writes, and offers coaching to those who want to do more than just survive grief. She is a board member of Empty Cradle and volunteers at Miracle Babies and the Ronald McDonald House. Her business, Grief INSPIRED supports those who are grieving and guides them to create a new normal that honors the ones they’ve lost.

[@sylviacolon1640]

I wish you well also. I pray that God will heal your broken heart and guilt feelings too.

[@johnkatkus7143]

Thank you for the video. I am in the process of forgiving myself and moving on. I really miss my wife Lina, but me beating myself up will not bring her back. thanks for saying that - I really needed to hear that from someone else besides by self. Thanks again - John

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are so very welcome! No doubt that this is incredibly hard but i know you can do it!

[@pamelacarman5278]

Thank you so much, Catherine. The guilt is so painful.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Let's discuss

[@hothaze1493]

He was the love of my life He was someone I had a soul connection to. He died suddenly. Because of what I have done. I am trying. I am really trying. Thank you ❤

[@JuletJulet]

Thank you again. Tomorrow is 9 months. I've done what you said tonight. I can hear my daughter say, Mom I love you and miss you! Please enjoy your life ♡ Kiss little Mia for me, I'll see you at the Gathering Together!! I'm working through this. I'm going to heal. I have her daughter 3 1/2 to care for and I have two adult sons. Thank you so much for your love and time and experience ♡ God bless you and us all!

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

So proud….you’ve got this!

[@DAOR210104]

I lost my 2 babies (twins) before 21 years because I had an infection in my urine and because of that I had a premature birth. It was very hard for me because one baby lived 4 days, he was so perfect but he was so tiny... I suffered from guilty emotions... it was very painful. I learned how to forgive myself but it was really hard . my mom very helped me... and before a week she passed 😢... we lived together in our home with my son ( he was born exactly one year after the loss of my babies). The loss of my dear mother took me again to these feelings.... I so tried to be good for my mom but I am feeling that I could be better.... she was 90 years old, she died in our home like she wanted..thank you for your important support. ❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m glad you are here.

[@wandasewell4501]

Guilt is a big issue for me. I wish I had done more for him, and I should have done this or that, etc., etc in my head. I am on an emotional roller-coaster. Life sucks without my beautiful husband! Some days are good, but not today .

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

The hardest days of grief are temporary.

[@sonergirlraerae3933]

I feel guilty that I moved from Kansas to Colorado and my dad did not want me to and it broke his heart. And due to me leaving Kansas, I feel that was time I could have spent with my daddy. Although... he did spend 6 months of 2023 here with me. I moved in 2021 and it devastated my daddy. He was so heart broken over me leaving.

[@sonergirlraerae3933]

I feel quality that in the last few weeks, I did not show my father more patience and grace. I was grumpy and short with him. And he just didnt feel good and I was so wrong in that action.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

So much easier to see that after the fact isn’t it? It’s okay to feel guilty, and maybe you were short with him, but the situation was different. What was going on at the time? Any chance you were under significant stress?

[@JayP-kd5rc]

Thank you for helping. I will watch this over again, I am sure.

[@cindydillon9719]

My loss is recent. I just ran across this video and want to let you know that everything you said is true and, more importantly, timeless. It will always be true. I needed to hear what you had to say. Bless your heart and thank you from the bottom of mine ❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you Cindy! Who did you lose? When?

[@hridayroy6571]

You are a God sent angel to the 'feeling guilty and hurt' community 🙏.. thnks for literally saving so many lives. So many people even commit suicide because of guilt. And you showing them the light in that darkness is priceless. I can't thank you enough...you have certainly booked your place in heaven...God bless you 🙏

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Wow! And thank you for the kind words! Are you new to my channel or are you new to commenting? Please like and subscribe to share with others! You are not alone…

[@hridayroy6571]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty.. I m your new subscriber. Just a couple of days ago my most beloved cat died. I m so sad and feeling guilty because it all happened due my unawareness. Actually I had two cats. And I used to feed them outdoor from the past couple of years. I also feel pity for the stray cats who don't get food and shelter. So I thought if I feed my cats outdoor, the poor stray cats also will be able to have some food over there. And very often some cats did use to come to have the meal. But from the past 3 months a very violent male cat used to come and often used to beat my three and half years old male cat. And finally couple of days ago he actually killed him. I couldn't figure it out that it's the food he's coming for. And since now I have stopped leaving food outside.. the stray cats are not coming to our yard at all. I am feeling so sad and feeling guilty that it's me the culprit for my cat's death. I wish I knew how to save pet cat from stray cats. I can't believe I killed my cat ..I m still crying while writing this to you. I loved him so much. He used to play everytime and sleep with me every night. I feel like I will not able to forgive myself ever for my stupidity.

[@hridayroy6571]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty your thoughts on that.??..pls help me out

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I understand why you feel guilty but there may not have been anything you could have done. If your cat was used to being outside, it wouldn’t have been right to bring him indoors…and keep him there. You could have brought the food inside but then maybe other cats would have suffered. Honestly, there really is no way of knowing. Feeling guilty is normal but it sounds like you just miss your cat. It is sad. It is grief. Let the tears flow so you can start to heal. There is no problem with crying…the release will help.

[@hridayroy6571]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thnks for the encouraging words..like you've said in one of your video that "we have to acknowledge it.. accept the pain and move on"..I will always try to stand up to any given situations by life. Thnks once again.🙏

[@hridayroy6571]

I always come back to this video...

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m so glad it helps. Are you holding onto something that you can’t let go?

[@hridayroy6571]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty .. Yes I m holding onto some of my past mistakes. Just can't let go...I have saved some of your videos for the tough and uncomfortable moments.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@hridayroy6571 Letting go is a practice, forgiving yourself one moment at a time!

[@hridayroy6571]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty .. thnks for this encouraging words. You are simply an amazing person. I like all of your content.

[@ry491]

What an amazing video. You said , your pain becomes your conection to your loved one . How very true that is . I never thought of it that way before . I am scared that if the pain subsides the love will also be gone . I need to undetstand that my dear wifes love for me was a gift that can never be raken from me. Thank you so much for what you do . Warmest wishes from Thomas in UK .

[@sonergirlraerae3933]

I could go on for hours over the guilt I feel.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Let me help you. Email me

[@tannichrisman8956]

thank you so much, Catherine! you're the best in this world! thanks for helping me to forgive myself after my father passed away... you inspire me to move thru grief. thank you for this video.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Hi Tanni, I’m so happy to hear that! Tell me more about your dad and how you lost him. My grief course starts Jan 9th if you want to get in on it!

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

How is your grief journey? Do you feel like you need more support than you currently have?

[@cathyparker8565]

Thank you. Your message helps

[@sylviacolon1640]

Yes I need to process my guilt or else it will kill me. I feel dead inside. I'm not ignoring my guilt; I'm trying to to release it, it's eating me up inside for all the things I have done and all the things I have not done. I replay things over repeatedly every day and night. It is not because I'm trying to, it is because it is there in my mind of knowledge. I am blaming no one except my self and my severe grief is also for multiple other reasons. So altogether are all the reasons why I feel like I am not going to make it. I know I need to forgive myself and if I don't, things will get worse; such as I can become physically unhealthy etc. The thing is I can not make myself forgive myself. I cant make myself feel something I don't feel. I know I am emotionally sick inside.I don't know what is going to happen to me, though I can't thank you enough for your help and your great videos, although I have not listened to many of them. I will listen to this one again several times. This video is excellent, you say things I need to hear, such as for me not beat myself up. You say things that my therapist dont say. (No disrespect to my therapist but she not go into depth to explain what can and cant help me, etc.

[@ry491]

That's my story too . Guilt is eating me up from the inside to the point where I can barely function . I cannot forgive myself . The thought that I can't change anything now devastates me . I wish you well . I know just how you feel .

[@EstelleCelestine29]

I feel the same way.. i just lose my father... I was rude to him and had been ignoring him lately because of my unresolved resentment towards him... And now guilt is eating me up for the things that i should and i shouldnt have done..

[@SoyYoLot]

This is a huge help. Thank you

[@merriecampbell-lee7802]

I just listened to your other video and now I see, we're twins in terms of what we feel guilty about. And I also felt guilty for a hundred other things, like killing my mother, who died of cancer (because I wasn't faithful enough, blah blah blah). Thank you so so much for explaining it. Maybe tonight I won't have a PTSD nightmare!!! On the other hand, I might, but I will wake up and remember your videos. Hugs, gratitude.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Please let me know if the nightmares stop! Send me an e-mail at [e-mail] and let me know! You’ve got this!

[@inu1ful]

Thank you so much. I just lost my pet hen and guilt is huge. I also lost 2 in January and August after I rehomed them. One after another that I had not chance to heal myself. But no matter how long it took I don't think I could get over the guilt and started to think why I am living and not my young hens. Things I should've done and I didn't. You are exactly what I was looking for for a week. Nothing really felt like understood or guided me, but you. Thank you for saving me. I will keep listening your video everyday untill I can forgive myself. You are an amazing.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you for your kind words. You deserve forgiveness.

[@keesha9000]

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. Your Amazing. Thank you for trying to help others through the roughest times in life. God Bless you 🙏

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you! I’m glad you found my channel! How else can I help ?

[@JonrellBayron]

Thank you for this. I am still processing on how to not feel guilty to what happen to my baby. He is my first child. He was full term baby and he died after i birthed him. I feel sonmuch regret and guilt. I feel that i failed him because i was not able to push him out early. I was supposed to be his supermom but i wasnt. I blame my self because of what happen. So i really have this strong guilt and regret. I am stuck somtimes but im doing the best that i could.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

My heart hurts with you. I’ve spoken with so many mamas who feel the same way. Hear these words….You feel guilty BECAUSE you are a great mama. Let that sink in. I would love to talk with you. Please email me at [e-mail]

[@inglesintensivocomfrases1629]

You've helped me so much with this video ❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so glad!

[@SoniT]

Thank you! This was very useful as I deal with grief and guilt after losing my father.

[@jyotsanadang7203]

i feel guilty that when my mom died and two days before she had chest pain and i insisted her to go to dr. she did not and she felt better with medicines and i felt she is improving now..i only acted as per the situation .i even told my sister who is married n doesnt stay with us. i told her mom is fine why are you worried. . ,mom never used to listen to me regardign her health. . i think mothers are like that they dont listen to their health they only thinkof their families. . .. you are so so inspiring. thank u for helping cant thank u enough for all your videos

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Hi. I have more videos that I've recently recorded that will be very relevant to your situation. Look for them the week after next!

[@Ali-xi1nf]

Thank you so much for your video. This has helped me tremendously. I lost my friend Saturday from Cancer. We were extremely close for many years and then...well...life....When she got diagnosed with cancer I was all over it supporting her & being there for her but then my life got turned upside down & I wasn't there for her because I was going through my own stuff...still talked some but not enough....she had tons of support from other friends but when I checked on her last she said the next step for treatment was hospice & that's when it became really real for me & I reached out a lot then....and even got to spend time with her her last night here on earth & I had prayed for that. I'm grateful for that precious time with her but I feel guilty for not being there more, for not doing more, and for not speaking to her more. I am using your teaching to forgive myself because I know she knows I loved her & I know she loved me. That guilt can eat you alive, but I will use your mantras and keep speaking positive to myself when I feel all that guilt. What i CAN do now is be there for her son & daughters & husband. I can't bring her back, but I CAN make sure I stay in their life. I can't thank you enough and I will be watching your videos more for sure. Thank you for being transparent & for helping me ❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you Ali for your honest share here. Let’s talk about how I can be of help….

[@bruceford6180]

I spoke on your last video I'm trying to figure this out. When my wife went to the hospital she couldn't talk. They allowed me to see her because they knew she had no chance of living. I had to make the choice to pull the plug. I got to the hospital and talked to her for a few hrs. I knew her wishes and that was not to live as a vegetable. After speaking to her I called the nurses in to pull the plug. It took 20 mins. I held her hand and listened to her heart as it took its last beat. That sounds is deafening and I hear it often in my sleep. I don't know if you'll answer but it does feel good to talk about it. She and my kids we're my whole life I'm working on getting a job and starting back over. My relationship that I had started after her death was good in the beginning. I found myself being happy and I didn't like it. I found myself doing things to destroy the relationship. I felt as if I shouldn't be happy I'm not deserving of it. We had talked many times and we both agreed to move on. I thought I was ready but soon realized I wasn't. I missed the intimacy but mostly the company my wife and I talked a lot. I feel like I also used this other person to help me in ways that my wife did. I had dine something to destroy the relationship and this time there is no recovery. I told her that I feel like I should be punished and don't deserve her love. It's all the truth she loves me so much and has been great. Actually she has been to good and it aggravated me and I felt the need to destroy it. I wonder if this is usual behavior but somehow I doubt it is.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Bruce, being there with your wife as she died was likely traumatic for you. I often speak with men who are completely lost themselves when their wives die. They beat themselves up because anger is a more comfortable emotion than the intensity of the grief. Take a day off from guilt and anger-be sad and feel your pain. The only way out is through.

[@greatful1512]

Thank you so much for this video and your personal example 🙏🏽

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are so welcome!

[@judithwallace2091]

I feel your son sending you so much love. 💖💖💖

[@jeanettebranco1910]

Thank you so much for helping me, and others watching your videos,helps a lot.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Let me know if you have a question….I’ll make a video to answer it for you!

[@jeanettebranco1910]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty I feel very alone, especially on the weekend, feel sad.

[@jeanettebranco1910]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty I do have a question, when will the terrible lonliness and isolation i feel especially at night, let up, feel like i cant go on.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@jeanettebranco1910 When was your loss and who did you lose?

[@jeanettebranco1910]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty My loss was two months ago, i lost my boyfriend, my soulmate to cancer.

[@mygreenenvy]

Yes, that F word is totally necessary sometimes and I tell myself all the time that I did F**k up many times ! I’m trying to forgive myself but it is not an easy thing to do. I also wonder whether my wife could ever forgive me for what I put her through in that final year ! It’s only been four months but all these ruminations remain 😣

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

It takes time. Go through it and you will get through it I promise

[@db7408]

Thank you Catherine. 🙏🏽 I have been so weighted down by guilt. It’s a toxic feeling. I lost both my elderly parents in the last 5 mths, and I was mum’s legal guardian as she suffered from dementia. The guilt associated with putting her in care and decisions around her medications has been overwhelming. I will watch your video everyday and work on self forgiveness. Thank you for making me feel a little less lonely and more hopeful. 🙏🏽

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Happy to talk if you would like! You should have to grieve alone.

[@db7408]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you so much. What would be the best way to do that?

[@kalliopialexiadou8999]

Thank you very much for your help, Catherine

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Welcome!

[@ticomadlynjoing7783]

God bless you God,s will

[@sunriseschubert4391]

Thank you for all that you do. Your videos have helped me indeed during this painful time of my life. God bless you. 🙏🏻✝️

[@jyotsanadang7203]

you are so inspiring. thank u i will be able to come out of this phaseof guilt listening to ur videos. thanks a lot

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

That is so wonderful to here and exactly why I do what I do. Moving from guilt to forgiveness and self acceptance is the key. That is where you are headed.

[@jyotsanadang7203]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thanks a million for everything

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Consider supporting this channel by donating here. www.patreon.com/user?u=58017671

[@303inthegymaurora3]

Thank you

[@loisweimer6832]

Thank you so much...

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are so welcome! I’d love to hear your story. Post it here or email me@ [e-mail]

[@koogrenzlinie940]

My husband killed himself a month ago. I don't think I could forgive myself for not making it in time to help him. Because if I did maybe there was a chance to save him. And I wanted to be with him more than anything else but he just wanted to stop live like this

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

It's all hard, isn't it? You can do this!

[@luztye]

I am so sorry for your loss. We got this, we will make it one day at a time. 🙏

[@sonergirlraerae3933]

I feel guilt over... The night before he passed away, I gave him Tylonal Pm instead of regular Tylonal. I hope that did not contribute to his heart attack.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m sure it didn’t. Talk to your doctor and see if they can help you understand the details.

[@melissahutchins4510]

I feel guilty about my girlfriends passing. I should have taken her call

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

There is no way you could have known. Please be gentle with yourself.

[@patsybailey6187]

I'm having a bad day

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm sorry. Is it just because you are sad or something else?

[@IWearACrown]

Forgiving yourself seems impossible...

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Can definitely be a challenge but not impossible. Tell yourself you can and you will be one step closer. Can you forgive yourself even if you think you were in the wrong?

[@IWearACrown]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty i tried to always be there and informed him that if he needed me, im here. Although a young adult, i feel he tried to be grown without me, mix with wrong crowd, and he lost his life. I blame myself for not being psychic, for not knowing. Feel i could've kept him from this if i had an idea..i had no idea because i wasnt being nosey enough in his life..

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Remember that “hindsight is 20/20 looking back”. Sounds like you did your best given the information you had. There is no way you could have known….right?

[@ليناوصاف]

I feel guilty because when my boyfriend islem wanted to see me I couldn't go We agreed to meet another day then he died😭I couldn't see him one last time I miss everything about him I also didn't express my feelings enough and I didn't call him enough or talked to him

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

That is so difficult. There was no way you could have known but it makes absolute sense that you feel that way.

[@healthfitnessbysuman6602]

I infected my mother with Covid 19 and I feel so guilty.. I want to dissapear sometimes.. I should have suffered, not my mother.. Even though she recovered from Covid, she got gallstones and severe sleep apnea right after.. Now doctors need to perform surgery but they are saying it will be high risk.. This thought is driving me crazy, the fear of losing my mom is killing me from inside.. I cannot undo my sin.. It is slowly killing me inside.. I need help.. Please reply 🙏 Did she got gallstones due to her Covid infection?

[@itielelpida]

Covit doesn't make gallbladder stones!! You are not quilty.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

How are you today, after 8 months has passed?

[@healthfitnessbysuman6602]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty I'm a little better but still guilty and live in the same fear.. I gave the infection to my mother and now she needs strong lungs for surgery but the doctor says that her lungs are not strong as she had Covid Pneumonia.. So the surgery would be high risk.. This is all because of me.. I should have been careful, not gone out in this pandemic.. I feel horrible about what I did to her

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@healthfitnessbysuman6602 COVID created so much confusion for everyone. We didn’t know if it was something to fear or not, it changes from month to month. There was fear about vaccines and so many people chose not to get vaccinated. You can’t put all the blame on yourself….it’s not fair to you…and not accurate because someone else gave it to you.

[@healthfitnessbysuman6602]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you so much for replying

[@safehaven875]

How can we connect with you for speaking engagements? I've been watching your videos. Do yo have an email for us to contact?

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Please email me at [e-mail]

[@conniebollinger2218]

#replay

[@keyik777]

Thank you...

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are very welcome.

[@melissahutchins4510]

I feel guilty about my girlfriends passing. I should have taken her call