Hyper-Independence | What it is, where it's from, and how to heal from this trauma response

This is the video version of the podcast, "Living Vicariously Through Yourself!"
In this episode, we're going to talk about hyper-independence!
This one's for you if:
-You wonder why you tend to do everything yourself and never ask for help
-You're curious why you are the way you are or why you don't rely on others often
-You want to get into a healthier state that balances trusting yourself and others
Or if:
-You've got a friend who's like this
We'll cover things like:
-What hyper-independence is, along with its healthier version & unhealthy counterpart
-What causes hyper-independence and how it's not your fault if you're this way, including how it's a trauma response
-How to heal from it and take back your power or help a friend heal from it
There's also a shortened version of this episode that goes over just the highlights if you're interested! Check out the recap version to view or as a reminder after you've watched this one. It's also great to send to friends if you want to give them a brief overview!
*There is a trigger warning in this episode. I'll talk more about its nature at the beginning of the episode, but there is something similar enough to ideation mentioned that if you need to, you can skip the section located at 12:20-12:47, or you can watch the shorter version that just goes over the highlights instead. If you need support, it's okay and you are strong to get it! The Crisis Lifeline is 988.
Psst... You can also listen to “Living Vicariously Through Yourself” on your favorite podcast platform! (This is listed as episode 33 there!)
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Show Notes:
-This show has a short version with highlights! Check out my videos to view or share it.
-Trigger warning | something similar enough to ideation | 12:20-12:47
Links:
-I've created a journal (and some additional free resources) for anyone who is experiencing a layoff. Check out juliebethany.com/thelayoffjournal to learn more!
-I also have a mini course coming SOON! Want to know more about my upcoming mini course (and the full length one, too)? Visit juliebethany.com/courses to make sure you can take it as soon as it's live!
-Join me on social media @juliebethany on Instagram and/or TikTok!

[@yohanannussant3982]

thank you so much for this Julie, you really helped me understand that I need help with this!

[@juliebethany]

I’m so glad to hear that! I was there too, and it’s definitely a process, but a totally worth-it one! You’ve got this! ☺️

[@w3n33dam1racl3]

My came from not being to rely on my mother, father, all the foster mothers I had, social workers etc. I was essentially unseen, unnoticed, and uncared for. I was told I was crazy if I shared my emotions, I was criticized when I expressed myself, I was attacked if I defended myself, I was blackmailed, bullied by other girls who would try to gang up on me and start fights with me. I just became hyperindependent. Thank God I did because I wouldn't of been as successful as I am now. People only did things for me only because they wanted something from me or did nothing for me at all. When I needed people the most, that's when I was criticized, Abandoned, ridicule.

[@juliebethany]

I’m sorry I’m just seeing this! And I’m so sorry you went through that. Those are all really traumatic experiences you didn’t deserve to go through, and I can tell you’re extremely strong by the way you’re talking about it now. Thank you so much for sharing your story so others can see that there is a way to make the most of even the worst situations. I hope the success you’ve shared you have only continues to grow and positively impact your life and others! ♥️

[@oo5240]

Thanks for sharing ❤

[@juliebethany]

Of course, thanks so much for taking the time to watch! ♥️

[@mijuajua4820]

I was seeing a man who didn’t want to share his problems and wanted to do most things by himself and he wanted to be alone mostly. This was heartbreaking for me because I would have liked to see him at least 2-3 a week for a couple of hours but he made me feel I was being too needy. Even texting us each other every morning & night….just to say GM & GN was at times too much for him. All while him telling me how much he loved me. I realized even though he was financially successful he was not emotionally successful because his parents seemed to be cold and uncaring.

[@juliebethany]

Thank you so much for boldly sharing this! That does sound really heartbreaking and I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I can't even imagine how tough that would be to experience! It's so hard when someone's words and actions don't line up and when they're so unwilling to engage in a healthy relationship. It sounds like you were the most loving partner to them and I'm sorry you were treated in that way! It seems like a really wise and accurate conclusion you came to that even though he was financially successful, he hadn't worked through his childhood trauma in order to be an emotionally successful, truly loving boyfriend to you. I hope you know you deserve nothing but genuine love for the incredible person you are, open communication and emotional support and connection from your partner, and someone willing to do the work on themselves to heal because you're so worth it! I truly wish you the best of luck in this and just know I can see your kindness and wisdom come through your words! ♥