Part 3. Ana FINALLY Scored 12 With This CELPIP Task 1 Writing! How?

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0:00 CELPIP WRITING TASK 1
0:55 CELPIP WRITING TEMPLATE
9:42 CELPIP COACHING CLASSES
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Transcript: this is part three of Anna's CELPIP writing we did part one where this student just started with us and how she wrote she probably scored around five at that time right now this is her final version within 3 weeks this was her Improvement right now today if she writes like this she's going to score a 12 this is a very very high level of English writing we're we're going to look at that we're going to look at the changes she has made and what you need to do to score a 12 as well and the transformation with this girl has been amazing over the 3 weeks she went back and rewrote this same question by the way you can pause the video and read the question cuz we're we're going to go through the answer now so we'll see the changes that she has made and you will see this looks phenomenal she understood the examiner marking scheme we promised her we will get her to this level she's still has work to do but right now this looks like she's in the most perfect level imaginable she starts with dear recruiting manager the purpose of my writing today this is the template and then to inform you of my intention to join your this is the addition everything you see here in bold is the addition from last time from part two and you can see Parts one and two of Anna's writing in the description and you can also see them on our channel so um esteemed is an adjective every time you add adjectives it adds description it gives you points on task response and range of vocabulary so she forced this in and this was an incorrect uh sentence grammatically on a part-time it should be on a part-time basis part-time should be high ated but she just left that out because we told her because in our last attempt she didn't have two sentences per body so we said you need to put more words in your body paragraphs and that's why she's trying to be conservative here and removing some unnecessary words like this one is not going to give her any marks so she got rid of them okay look at the start all right this is the first bullet point she's answering introduce yourself she says I'm Anna not my name is every everybody's going to say my name is so she she understands right now The Importance of Being unique and she's going to say something different than other candidates I am Anna semicolon which is going to give her marks for um range of punctuation then she does not say I am very this is the one she said in the last attempt she doesn't say that that's in italics everything that's in italics is from her last attempt so she says I'm Anna semicolon diligent and assiduous are the keywords that Define me th this is such a fancy phrasing instead of saying I am like this she put a semicolon and contined the second part of her sentence that's what se

[@seymurmaharramov8967]

Thank you for all

[@hzadeducation-coachingcent986]

Transcript continued: micolons do that's the function of them you have two fancy words here which are also adjectives so you're getting marks on range of vocab because you're giving adjectives you're getting marks on task response because it is descriptive and you're getting marks on High level vocabulary her second sentence is a complex one starts with being so it's a twart sentence sentence because being passionately something something comma something something so that's the mark for a complex sentence uh she has another complex sentence here moving on to it's also divided into two parts and I think yeah she has one more here nonetheless cuz it's in the middle of the writing middle of the sentence there's a connector divided again with a semicolon and a comma which is fancy punctuation so that's three complex sentences um full marks for that she's she's going to get lots of marks for range and passionately is a Lee it's an adverb adverb also adds to the range of vocab so being passionately drawn to arts and sports I find myself an Enthusiast of the same highlevel vocab and it is an adjective yet again here you see adverb adjective complex sentence and phrasing as well being passionately Drawn to Art that is more that is unique phrasing and even this when I find myself an Enthusiast of the same I I can say there's three idiomatic expressions here that are unique cuz most people would say I love arts and sports and I am very interested in that right and she has used very very high level vocab almost a after every word I can see she's trying to do something there so you got to force these things in and look at this this is one sentence and one sentence you got two sentences answering introduce yourself full marks for task response okay next uh question is explain what SK experience and skills you have now her one sentence was on uh experience and this the second sentence was on skills once again two sentences same thing you would see here there's not two sentences in this one there is one half of a sentence before the semicolon and the other half after the semicolon that's going to answer your last bullet point so that's how she has properly organized her task response one thing is one bullet point gets one paragraph so you have three bullet points three bodies and each body par paragraph has two points okay so again full marks for that and you look at the transition moving on to my experience that's how she starts her body to and body three she says concurrently instead of saying currently she says concurrently again fancier phrasing um she also told us her teacher she told her teacher and she communicated it to me she was saying I here and you can see in her last attempt she was also starting the next phrase with I and it was too many eyes and even if you put this on grammarly it points that out that you should not start every sentence with I so she purposefully changed that to this one trying to be unique at every turn the same thing happened when she moved from body 2 to body 3 unique range of words and phrasing it's not the same thing you see every time okay so with experience you see last time she said this part okay so she said I have two years experience in teaching football to young girls look at how she changed it this time moving on to my experience I have two years first of all two should be spelled not like that so some grammar mistakes have been uh corrected as well two years of tennis coaching experience not just experience tennis coaching experience a full description with young girls ages 12 to 14 so this is descriptive not just you know I have two years experience teaching young girls it's descriptive and you should be descriptive she has a hyphen here so this is basically putting this in Brackets Hy does the same thing but you're not allowed parenthesis or brackets in self pip writing so you should use hyphens this is again a range of vocab or sorry punctuation you got hyphen you got semicolons you got semicolon and a comma with a connector sandwich in between and you got of course full stops and commas so you got almost every punctuation mark conceivable and you're going to get marks for that now again connection look at the flow during this time until present I have been apt at high l level vocab unique phrasing apt at identifying and eliminating strategic gameplay weaknesses very fancy phrasing that have led our teams to Victory time after time so she is now talking about her skills once again answering everything in the question not missing any task response and uh nicely phrasing everything you know I she's not just saying every time she wants to write something we have now told her you got to make everything better so if you're trying to say I have been good at you will say I have been apt at um and if you're saying I've been good at making our teams win you know your brain is thinking that basic right now you make it fancy you have to glamorize it it's going to be apt at identifying and eliminating strategic gameplay weaknesses you have strategic which is an adjective and these are verbs nicely phrased because that's what you're doing as your skills and gameplay weaknesses instead of just saying the weak areas again this is another adjective before weaknesses uh that have led to our team having victories time after time that's good and concurrently the question was here tell him or her when you think you can start she says I'm finished with my term nearly which is an again a good adverb the more adverbs and adjectives you have the better and then she uses nonetheless instead of saying however she uses nonetheless she puts a semicolon here and a comma here which is going to make this complex phrasing punctuation and this whole sentence is now become a complex sentence cuz it's connected by a connector and separating two parts if I were to receive an early offer from your club I would be required to give a two-e notice to my managers again nicely phrased not just saying that I will give two weeks notice if you give me an offer this is uh passive passive is right here actually both of them are passive if I were to receive then I would be required not she's not saying I will give a two-e notice I would be required to this is passive voice so use she's using a range of active and passive voices um simple and complex sentences a range of punctuation as well and answering all questions while at it finishing with our um template and this one she removed it this time the exclamation marks do not go in the form of letters and finish this nicely this was Flawless no mistakes I was highly impressed with this writing she did a wonderful job and you can see in 3 weeks students can realistically make this progress I will be sharing her part two progress as well by that by that I mean task two so the essay writing we're going to talk about that in the next few videos as well for more content Please Subscribe and if you want to write like Anna we offer coaching classes right now she's on week three of her live CELPIP coaching sessions if you want more info for that check out my email in the description and email me we'll set you up with a free trial session if you like it you proceed from there and our experts guarant your success hope you like this video and I hope you learned a lot thank you and good luck

[@usagitamel]

Hello, is the course still available? Does it include free feedback on writing?

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[@shivangdave7168]

15 hours course still available?

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[@mmustafeez]

On purchasing 15 hours course, will someone evaluate our writings and provide feedback? Pls confirm.

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For now, we have a limited-time offer where you get feedback on one complete test (2 writing tasks and 8 speaking tasks). You can email those to us any time after your purchase at [e-mail]. If you wanted more feedback, we do have live classes at $23 an hour where a live tutor can help you.