I Called My Fiancee Selfish For Wanting To Announce Her Pregnancy At A Wedding r/Relationships

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

Story 1 is absolutely saddening. OPs now ex is so deeply out of touch with human emotion and empathy that I’m concerned for her future baby. Parents who are THAT self involved do immeasurable emotional damage.

[@KittenUndercover]

I disagree..I think the ex knew exactly what she was doing and how it would make her cousin feel.

[@pippo17173]

@@KittenUndercover I so hope she has cheated so op can leave her easily. Like seriously this kind of entitlement is not something out of the blue and I legit believe she do this to get a one up on the cousin.

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

@@KittenUndercover what do you mean? It sounds like you agree

[@Alpha-omega-beginning-and-end]

No it’s a good thing because if op brings this up in court he will have full custody instantly

[@brittalex42]

Loved the subtle "Murdering people is also unacceptable at a wedding."

[@puppetmasterey]

The orchestra playing rains of Castemere intensifies.

[@kurotsuki7427]

The kid screaming story. If management is doing that then I would guess others were complaining too.

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

Story about 3 loud kids- I’m going to disagree with Reddit… idc how many people said OP is the asshole, it’s not normal for children to have 15 severe meltdowns in one day… this is not OK and dad isn’t doing a good job preparing his kids for the world. Which is his job…

[@kurotsuki7427]

More of a no aholes here to me. That the dads in a bad situation but the OP also is having his life disrupted pretty bad too.

[@morphinpink]

Right?? Not all kids have loud meltdowns and scream, this is not normal behavior!!

[@AngelDeed]

​​@@kurotsuki7427and that gives him (the "dad") the right to act like an ahole why?

[@kurotsuki7427]

@@AngelDeed it doesn't? But like its one of those things where the situation is bad all around? Though later updates are oof, dude why you got to be like that.

[@mad4cavs]

It's a fathers job to entertain his children take them out to run off steam, play with them teach them to be kind and considerate ,if he continues his children will feel everyone has to accommodate their wants and wishes this isn't real life,and .children also need to learn about consequences of their own actions

[@kurotsuki7427]

Fertility issues aside. Its. A. Wedding! You dont make announcements like that at weddings.

[@evadedenbach1226]

That's the biggest narc move out there. The ex only wanted the spotlight for herself, she didn't care if it was a wedding, a birthday, a graduation, it was all about her, her, her.

[@addicted2mako]

@@evadedenbach1226Hell, she’d have probably pulled that stunt if it were her cousin’s funeral she’s that vindictive

[@JoltaeAndwae]

1story- it's not even selfish. It's downright malicious. OP needs to go full custody after they break up.

[@TiffWaffles]

It is malicious, especially since OP's former fiancee has a history of sabotaging her cousins happy moments.

[@p0lit3cat]

Screaming kids story: why is it always the people who have kids telling others its a shared living space and to suck it up, its a shared living space so everyone should follow the rules including kids

[@flamelily2086]

My father died when I was three, leaving my mother a widow with 3 children under 4. My mother kept us under control, and she would not allow us to scream. Modern parents think that because it's normal for children to scream while they are playing, we must just suck it up, which is what that father has just proved.

[@dasani.like.the.water.]

Exactly! Like, okay I guess i’ll go scream in common areas and tell everyone to just deal with it if that’s the case.

[@MaybeEnvious]

Seriously the comments saying 'walk a mile in his shoes' obviously never tried do so for OP. Imagine hearing endless screaming and an adult who really can't be bothered to care. Does his situation suck? Sure. But that's not an excuse to be a jerk to all the residents around him.

[@Batmanapplejax]

@@flamelily2086I have 2 small children. Will I let my kids scream when they’re in the woods at our house, alone on our property with no nearby neighbors? Sure. In public? Never. I don’t know any parents who aren’t super strict about that. If anything I think modern parents feel really judged right now and try to keep tighter control, but maybe that’s just where I live. I think asshole parents exist in every generation.

[@samalvarez8776]

Exactly. I'm a mom of 3, the only thing you can't really control is newborns to year and a half year olds. Even then, as they get older it's easier to control the noise level.

[@spicedcoffee9902]

Oh that fiance is on that demon time. What's wrong with her? I'll never understood familial rivalries, like girl find validation in yourself, not in the downfall of others you deem competition.

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

Right?? How could you not want to support your family? She’s got a competition in her brain that no one else is enforcing on her. She’s insecure and narcissistic

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@samurailevi49]

This is why I hate Reddit. When you sign up to live in an apartment, which is a shared living space with many others, most if not all places will tell you to have control over your kids and their noise level as well as every guests. I hope those who called OP TA have to be stuck with screaming and crying children for years. Nobody is expecting quiet 24/7, but come on, learn to control your kids. Stop being lazy. It’s really not that hard to tell your children to use their inside voice.

[@kittikats]

Exactly. Sucking it up should mean "don't expect silence, kids will make random noises. But they won't be overly loud in common areas." Having to put up with non stop tantrums and screaming is not normal.

[@rebeccahayward9607]

I was reading the comment on the update for that one, thinking about my own neighbors. Young 20 somethings having 3-4am parties every weekend, sometimes on multiple days. They currently have a permanent notice on the property, which means every time they get an 'excessive noise' complaint, they get a $750 fine. The problem is it takes an hour for an officer to get there, and they measure from the road, which the house sits back from in a cluster of houses. Every other neighbour around them are sick of them and some of us have even contacted their landlord (who are the parents of one of the tenants). The landlords now just don't respond and think that their 'sweet baby boy' would never do this if not for his bad influence friends. The house and property looked so neat and tidy before they moved in. Now its overgrown and all the lawn ornaments are broken and there is trash everywhere. Tire tracks are dung deep into the lawn because their party guests park and drive on the lawn.

[@jademarine6847]

Absolutely. Like, do the people on reddit not realize that just because you live in a shared living space, it doesn't mean you can be loud af. You need to be considerate to your neighbors and keep the noise level down, or else you could most likely get kicked out due to noise complaints. Op is in their right to be upset and shouldn't have to get headphones to muffle the noise when the neighbor seems to not be doing much to reign in his kids with how he's gaming with headphones on, possibly noise canceling headphones. Also, headphones can become SUPER uncomfortable after wearing them for too long, so it's not even a good solution anyway for the OP. (I should know, I wear headphones all day during my classes and my ears sting after some time wearing them.)

[@PowerStruggle555]

1st story: wont be surprise if OP has another update where *his ex fiancee had a "miscarriage" because of the strain he put her through.* and op is bashed for being a horrible person, a baby killer, etc...then it come out she was never pregnant. she wanted the attention

[@lynnw7155]

For OPs sake, I hope the pregnancy was fake. OP's ex sounds awful and I'd hate to be tied to her with a baby.

[@bryanstoudenmire]

Are we sure that they Actually had sex 🤔

[@caseydemmings6666]

Second story : here we go again reddit give bad advice and dont know what they talk about. Redditor need put down their keyboard and touch some grass

[@mikukurisaki3413]

ABC story: who wants to bet she wasn't even pregnant?

[@SapphWolf]

I'm not even convinced they actually screwed. He was so black out drunk he doesn't even remember meeting her at the party. From his perspective he woke up and she's in bed with him and he's making assumptions that things happened at all. Also, 3 weeks is *really* quick to know you're pregnant. All of this together tells me it was a trap from the moment he woke up.

[@reasonpeason847]

Story 2: KiDs ScReAm GeT eArPlUgS First off, yeah it’s communal housing so *dad* needs to be considerate of that too. If he was making any kind of effort at all I think OP would be more sympathetic. I know I would be. Also no one was concerned about 3 children under 4 running around unsupervised through apartment hallways screaming at the top of their lungs? There’s also a big different between loud kid noises and persistent, constant SCREAMING from children. The thing that also gets me about ear plug comments in stories is if OPs wake up by alarm and the point is to shut out sounds, how does that solve their problems? Ion this story though in particular again though: If the neighbors and not just OP are opening their doors to check wtf is happening, I’d guess most of them know what regular kids being kids loud play noises are so whatever the fuck racket they’re making must be unusual to get more people than OP checking the hallways.

[@allisoncampbell1631]

Dad is gaming all day and ignoring his little fuck trophies is what is happening and he isn't doing a damn thing about it

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP should have immediately announced his fiancee's pregnancy to the whole family so that his fiancee couldn't steal her cousin's special day.

[@Nicholem718-1]

Tantrums are not a natural temperament. Such BS… my niece used to throw tantrums. I had her for the summer and at the first tantrum, I took her into my bedroom and let her scream it out on the bed. I sat at my computer. When she was done, I gave her a four-minute time out, and then sat down to discuss what happened. She was four with a two year old vocabulary. (I don’t want to get into my sister’s neglect and abuse of her kids.) I told her that it was important to communicate, not scream, because she’s a big girl now and we can have real discussions. Her love language is touch, so I cuddled her during this conversation. For the rest of the summer, she’d start a tantrum and I’d stop her and tell her to communicate and we got to a point that she automatically communicated- no more tantrums. Also, her ability to communicate verbally improved dramatically. She’s very sharp- just didn’t have anyone conversing with her before then.

[@TiffWaffles]

Temper tantrums are normal for children that young. It's why it's up to the parent to correct their behaviour and to tell them why temper tantrums are not a good thing. I remember my own mother sitting me down and telling me that I couldn't kick and scream just because I didn't get my own way, and that next time I use my big girl words to get my point across. Quite literally had a temper tantrum when I was four because some boy took my dinosaur toy and wouldn't give it back to me... and he kept calling it a T-Rex when I established that he was actually an Allosaurus... I even proved it by showing him a picture of an Allosaurus in a dinosaur book I always carried with me. Yeah... I know... it's weird. My mother and the boy's mother thought it was hysterical until the temper tantrum. How's your niece now? I hope things got better or are better for her.

[@vincentlucario5450]

You: tantrums are not natural. Also you: my niece had frequent tantrums until she learned how to communicate better …. See the issue here?

[@Nicholem718-1]

@@TiffWaffles She’s much better now. She’s 9 and is amazing!!! Thanks for asking. 😀

[@Nicholem718-1]

@@vincentlucario5450 I do. It was poorly worded. What I meant is, tantrums can be curbed early on by communication. I mentioned my niece’s tantrums-I think she threw them because she didn’t know how to communicate. I have two kids and they NEVER threw tantrums. I spoke to my daughter about this recently. (She’s an adult now). She said they didn’t have to throw tantrums because I explained things to them. For instance, I didn’t like screaming. She said I explained to them that if they screamed, I’d get alarmed and think someone was hurt even though they were just playing. What if they screamed and I thought they were playing and ignored the screams when they were actually hurt? She said it just made sense to them, so they stopped screaming. Haha

[@maureenfitzgerald3498]

This thing? This relatively new thing, of "you live in an apartment! You have no right to quiet enjoyment of the premises! Just get earplugs!!!" on the one hand completely infuriates me because it's (a) so completely stupid and (b) so utterly and unquestionably, legally, morally and logically WRONG. But on the other hand, it just breaks my heart. I feel so bad for the people under 40 who have not only never lived in a world where they have any expectation of even the most rudimentary right to live their lives without aggression from everyone around them, but who have actually chosen to accept that as "just how things are." It's not how things are. It's how you are actively contributing to making them. Stop doing that, and it won't be that way anymore. It's also weird because we live in a world where even living in a rented apartment is becoming an increasingly unattainable dream. In the past, apartment living was sort of inexplicably denigrated as a sign of immaturity, financial failure or plain old bad decision-making. "You're just throwing your money away every month!" Um. No. I'm paying it in exchange for shelter. Sorry if that went over your head. So in the past (where this "just get ear plugs" thing would have been rightly regarded as the rantings of a lunatic), I could at least see where people might have seen living in a rented apartment as some sort of depraved activity that only befalls life's losers anyway, so what did you expect? But that's not even the case anymore. It's just ... weird.

[@muhname6052]

Canceled party: let's be honest, she didn't cancel the party. That would imply that she planned one for him in the first place and was looking for a reason to "cancel"

[@kittikats]

Exactly. HOW could they cancel the plans to attend the party so quickly UNLESS they never had plans to go? I mean I might have made plans to see a movie but if they say party is back on then I'm back on plan.

[@amyyaku5022]

S2: Redditors ignore clear negligence of children and expect OP to just "suck it up" 🍵 oh how lovely *sarcasm* S3: NTA. WTF is wrong with people 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@jjgandthatsenough]

As a pregnant person, you sure as hell do get a little bit of wiggle room when it comes to selfishness. Because usually it’s hormones/selfishness out of a need to protect yourself and your pregnancy. But you must be EVIL to the bone to not only want to announce your pregnancy at someone’s wedding, but also at someone’s wedding who happens to struggle with infertility AND trying to convince your partner to go along and support you in such a calculated mean spirited act

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah now she's going to be calculating and petty towards OP for the next 18 years possibly more! This is why you really shouldn't have kids with someone you don't know well.

[@ufotheories1173]

UM NO YOU DONT. You CHOSE to be pregnant. No one asked you to. Stop blaming your lack of respect on being pregnant. This is why people with kids are so damn irritating.

[@staylor3483]

MOH story: That bridezilla is truly lucky I wasn't in OP's shoes cuz I wouldn't have left the building until the cops pulled me off her leaking body!! OP, please post a social media post saying exactly what she did to you, so there is no question why you left her hanging... good on you for not going postal & beating the big C.

[@DrWhomst]

The story about the guy cheating and still being in love sounds like he was assaulted and then coerced into a relationship with Abc

[@KpopZuko]

The only time i have ever seen a surprise wedding go well was when my cousin surprised his now wife. They had planned on a court house wedding the next week because he was being stationed in another state. She thought we were there to take pictures. The women were all wearing white, and the men in black. We got halfway through the pictures before we got to the cliff looking over the ocean. He proposed -and this is the important part- ASKED IF SHE WANTED TO HAVE THE WEDDING. It went well because they were already getting married, and this just elevated it from just paperwork to a beautiful day for her to remember. They have been married ten years now, and have three beautiful children.

[@heatheraucoin5832]

S1- Why is everyone so rude to OP and OPs cousin? That cousin needs a new family and I’m hoping that evil cousin is faking a pregnancy.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

Blowing the whole wedding budget on a surprise wedding is wild to me. I’d be pissed.

[@es_three232]

I kinda feel bad for the baby in Story 1. Imagine being born into THAT kinda family. My family isnt sunshine & rainbows but that crazy.

[@naturalPaths]

Re: cancelled birthday. Seriously? I was discouraged to hear that stepson wasn’t given his own non-shared party, just because it was his 13th. Everything after that was a crap show. OP is a big jerk.

[@mariselytorres8039]

I seriously had to go back and listen to it again because by the title she made it sound like “he facepalmed me”. Like ME as in he put his hand on her face kinda thing. Then she said he simply facepalmed (onto himself). Like, I get it if he actually physically hit her, then understandable, but he didn’t. She really tried to twist it on the title to get sympathy.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Calling someone selfish when they ARE selfish and more isn't being an ahole.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

We are going to need another update because with everyone saying the pregnancy could be fake I really hope it is and I really hope he finds out. That would be the best case scenario for him honestly. Especially since she says she's not going to let him see the baby anyway. Maybe because there's not a baby. Or she could just be a horrible person. I just hope there's not a baby so he's not tied to her for the next 18 years even if he does get partial custody of the baby.

[@lauriemeyer7030]

I would not apologize to Sara. I would write her a letter and tell her he is all yours. "I am upset you ruined my wedding, but, if you had come to me earlier, you could have had him." PS. Take half the money out of the bank account. Also, take the dog and all his stuff as well. Fight for the dog, car, and (if you paid towards it) the house.

[@alexafuqua8727]

I don't think people understand that yes, parents can't control their kids all the time but parents can teach the kids how to regulate their emotions to what is appropriate. The dad isn't doing that. So op is not the AH

[@barbaraestrada6032]

The 1st story, OP, good for you, you really saved the bride a lot of ❤ break. You're a good person & will be able to raise your child well. Karma!!!

[@shaycornacorn]

I love the snark in Markee's voice when he's reading the POV of someone who's totally whack or out of line. Heh, Snarkee strikes again

[@stacy3007]

Story 1: she is pregnant not porcelain and hormones are no excuse to treat others with such little regard. She is selfish for wanting to intentionally make someone else's day about her.

[@juukyuchan]

Story 2 : Kids under 4 don't have to be loud! "Kids will be kids" is a shitty excuse to not educate your kids. I don't know if its a US thing but where I live I've never had problems with kids being too loud in public. They might run around and not pay attention or fuss a bit etc but they are never just screaming for no reasons. Especially not everyday. Kids need to be educated and being under 4 is not an excuse.

[@clukecluke8316]

If the daughter is claiming her independence, she can pay for her own wedding. She can freethink herself on how to pay for it lol

[@ladyv5655]

1st story. I hope OP warns the cousin about what fiancee is planning to do. And OP needs to get away from gf and get a lawyer to make custody arrangements for their baby.

[@TheGwen1975]

the surprise wedding story. I would say he main red flag is a surprise is a gift. and he spent her/joint money on a gift. because of that she cant have what she wanted with her money. if he can understand that then it should be ok

[@ketrava0425]

As someone else who was cheated on for 4 years of the 7 we were together your heart is never gonna get over it, but your brain needs to take the wheel and drive far away.

[@ketrava0425]

Oof as the story went along all I can say is you have my sympathy for someone who's been through something shockingly similar.

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

Not normal. I think they are TRYING to get the parent’s attention. He ignores them and they respond with attention seeking bad behavior. Negative attention is better than no attention. Is no one a parent??

[@judyjohnson9610]

Agreed! He was neglecting them. Lucky that he wasn't checked by CPS

[@OrsaBear]

Evil step mum sounds so much like my own. The fact that she said she still blackmailed him with the party after. So over entitled people like this

[@JoshuaEdwards-p4c]

The father is in his right not to pay for the wedding. It is customary for parents to pay for wedding but also it is customary for father to walk down the aisle with daughter/bride. Don't expect traditional if you dont want to participate in traditional.

[@kskidspastor]

Josh absolutely IS still cheating, even if it’s just emotional cheating.

[@lauriemeyer7030]

DO NOT DROP THE CHARGES FOR SHAVING YOUR HEAD!!! As a woman who had a waist length chunk cut off, the LENGTH DOESN'T MATTER!!

[@never-endingquestions3314]

My kids are 12 and 10. they aren't disrespectful but if I cancel a birthday party, that ish is canceled. And I HAVE done this. I promise these type of things really affect a certain demographic. I'm a gentle parent but I still have expectations. Give me attitude if you want to.

[@susankaempfer8427]

This woman with the surprise wedding thing… what the heck is wrong with her entire family and friend group???

[@lindtplease1693]

Reddit is the only place I have ever come across people who want to announce pregnancies/ proposals/ engagements etc at other people's weddings Seriously do real people actually pull this shit?

[@sakea174]

Unfortunately yes. (Proposal) Cousins wedding had one and worse part was it was a guest of the in law’s coworker so literally almost no one knew them there to make it special. Figured since they’re not known it wouldn’t have consequences. Were not expecting random pants less child(ren) cameo that denied them ability to upload it to social media tho. Funny in hindsight not so much in the moment and people clapping for them. Luckily they were removed via venue manager stepping in. So no everyone congratulating them Taught us mics cut before they get far and offenders immediately removed from party. Wishing everyone who reads drama free special events lol.

[@katwiltz1134]

I guess not after the first time you've been invited to lunch to eat a knuckle sandwich

[@kellyalves756]

1. If I was gonna be called the asshole anyway, I’d be an extra asshole and call the cousin ( or another family member) ahead of time to warn them what fiancée was planning. So they could have the option of refusing her entry. Fiancée was just being cruel.

[@laurenjones9924]

Omg how gross can 1 person be? It’s already trashy to announce a pregnancy at a wedding, but to do it at a wed of a couple who have been struggling that much to conceive and insurance quit helping either IVF. Dear lord, this woman is going straight to hades.

[@princess__blueberry1775]

31:20 This story right here is exactly why I don't tell people my personal business I don't care if we're friends or not.

[@alykat3856]

My dad is separating from his wife (my stepmom) of almost 20 years, he really rushed into things because he got her pregnant, and thought he was happy. Couple years ago he admitted that yes he cares about her as the mother of his other children (my half siblings) but he does not love her. After my grandmother (his mother) passed away early this year, he started getting into arguments with her every day. In his grief he realized the relationship just doesnt work, and they decided to separate mid-april. Took a while, but now my dad is living on his own with his truck and a camper outside of the city. Taking solo man roadtrips and re-discovering himself like he should have in his 20's 😂 just last week, he told me hes been talking casually to a lady that lives in another state and went to visit her. Hes not sure if its love necessarily, but he formed a solid connection and truly cares about this new woman. Oddly enough, this new woman seems to be a combination of the best traits of my mother and stepmother, and I honestly cant wait to meet her 😊

[@stevebanner5609]

Story 1: 2 things-if he’s retired he can damn well afford a nanny to keep those monsters (of his creation) at bay; secondly if he has that kind of money why don’t he buy a damned house??????????????????

[@datmanydocris]

"Some of her family members are kinda upset with me, as they believed I just caused a bunch of drama." Oh, so the ex announcing her pregnancy at her cousin's wedding wouldn't have been drama and would have been perfectly fine for ex's family, but OP ruining ex's plan before she could do it is causing drama and crosses the line? I can see why the ex is such a horrible person with a crappy family like that, screw the lot of them.

[@beckf1858]

Someone else's wedding is never the correct time to announce anything. Someone else's wedding is about them.

[@mad4cavs]

I have had cancer and would be horrified if someone shaved their head in support, that's me we are all different I would be pleased if people donated to a cancer charity,I didn't want to go bald I used a cold cap and managed to save most of my hair,

[@lizxu322]

The bride who outed OP's assault is a devil, not an assholw

[@SP-io7lj]

The story about the friend at the wedding screams that she has a thing for the husband! Sarah has some "he selected her over me" issues. The husband is suspect!

[@WendyCollins-l8f]

I am commenting on the father who won't fund his daughter's wedding because she doesn't want him to "give her away". This is a traditional question. People these days don't shy away from changing tradition. Instead of the officiate asking who gives this woman-- it could be reworded to something like--who is the father of this woman. Then nobody is "giving" anyone away. I don't see the need to hurt anybody's feelings.

[@susankaempfer8427]

1:30:53 Where is this boy’s father? Why do the grandparents seem to be the only ones fighting his corner over his birthday?

[@syd2001]

1:07:00 sounds like he was roofied or he was too drunk to consent. I bet she lied about the pregnancy. How convenient that she got pregnant and demanded they marry before the baby came, only to miscarry....

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Yep because a r@pist is a reliable source.

[@makeitsl0wer803]

Screaming kids story had so many chronically online takes from probs kids who have never lived a day outside their parent’s houses. Yeah its a shared space, that means everyone has to abide by leasing rules

[@LaviniaKing-hz9ue]

Girlfriend is one messed up person and wants to rub her pregnancy in her cousin's face. You are not a AH. If I were you I'd think twice of marrying this woman. Get a lawyer to work out custody.

[@hilarymurray8741]

Wicked stepmother story : You bet you are absolutely TA OP. Are you in training for the 'worst stepmother ever' title? Did you break up his parents' marriage btw, with your egotistical power mad style? You are not his mother and will never be. Your stepson is not ok with combining his birthday with your own daughter's to suit your convenience. If you love his father, gain some empathy from somewhere, as he is of an age for the courts to listen to him wen he says he wants to live with his grandparents because of you - and that could end your own marriage. Way to go, OP.

[@ty.365]

I do think parents expecting her to pay them back when she makes less than enough money to survive is crazy.

[@shadesofjade]

4:32 “murder is also unacceptable!” The Red Wedding is a perfect example as to why. (Yes, I do think I’m funny.)

[@Ecclectic_citcelccE]

I don't get why people don't want their own independent announcement instead of sharing "their" day with the bride or host(ess) of whatever event they are thinking of hijacking. And what creepy in-laws for the bride to be. 😢

[@browniewin4121]

1) OMG, how selfish, rude, and heartless can you be! Even aside from all the issues surrounding the cousin difficulty having a baby it would be a selfish thing to do, as is, it is absolutely unconscionable. NTA and do not marry this awful person, and give the cousin a heads-up. After update: I am happy to hear she is now OP's X, and glad OP told the family about the plot to ruin the wedding. Kudos to OP for doing the right thing. It is a sad situation, what a shitty family. OP really dodged a bullet. If the X does have his child, I hope OP can get full custody because, honestly, keeping any child out of the hands of an evil narcissist would be the right thing. 2) Kids are noisy and loud by nature, but teaching them how to be considerate is a parent's duty. NTA for leaving a note for the dad asking that he try to curb the noise level, but I suggest OP try earplugs. After update: Wow, this dad is an AH, and he is a shit parent. I'm glad the manager is not allowing his disregard and disrespect to go unanswered. Eviction sounds like a good solution for someone this inconsiderate. 3) Why is it so big a deal if someone is happy with their life being single. Setting two people up is what is "so not cool", and OP is definitely NTA. This BS manipulation and now pot-stirring causing abuse from colleagues is something that needs to be dealt with by HR. This coworker behaved very unprofessionally and has created a hostile work environment. After update: It's good OP reached out to the woman he walked out on to explain his reaction, and her being mad at the other woman is the correct response. Now I'm really wondering how the get together went? 4) It's good for OP to realize this is not a friend, is a horrible person, and not someone to have anything to do with going forward, and that goes for anyone who doesn't recognize this. Dropping out of the wedding and this relationship is the right thing to do. NTA. I hope the groom gets a heads-up to know how horrible his intended is in time to back out. After comments: It's good the bride's mom revealed the truth of the fitting incident, and apologized to OP. My congrats to OP on her engagement. I'm glad the former friends fiance was told what happened and it is sensible he is having 2nd thoughts, I do hope for his sake he ends the relationship. 5) What a shit show, obviously there is something going on between groom and Sarah. Sadly, I think ESH, being drunken A*holes, groom's sketchy behaviour, and this girl creating a disaster. OP needs to dump this guy who is emotionally abusing his new wife in favour of what is his side-piece. After update: No surprise that the boyfriend, now husband lied and cheated. He is not caring and loving. How to bring it up is to pack her things and leave immediately and get a good attorney to file for divorce, then let the attorney have all contact in future. What a bunch of shitty people OP has been surrounded with who set up this disaster at the wedding. After next update: What a two faced POS to have cheated all those years, and especially for taking the part of his other girlfriend over his bride at the wedding. It's good OP has an attorney to deal with all the ramifications of this mess. I'm so glad OP came to the realization he was not who she thought he was, and not someone to stay with. After final update: Happy to hear OP got the car, the dog, and her bank account in her own name. It's good OP blocked the A*holes from her life, and too damn bad if her X is unhappy about people knowing what a POS he is. It's good OP found out about him when she did so didn't wast any more of her time with this guy, or have a child with him. Bullet dodged. 6) This was assault. No one has the right to force someone to do something like this, it is just stupid. OP had already done something that was actually helpful by giving a donation. This AH friend deserves the consequences for his action. Good for OP for pressing charges, NTA. Also, OP should save all the contacts and get a C&D for the relatives who are harassing him. After update: X friend sounds like a total disaster and it's about time he have some consequences for his perpetually bad behaviour. I'm happy to hear OP reported the harassment to the police, and that the psycho mom got arrested for her assault. Can sure see from where the former friend got his behaviour. It makes me happy the mom got some jail time, had to pay OP's costs, and also more to settle OP's suit. My congrats to OP on his house and girlfriend, I wish him well. 7) OP is an AH. His girlfriend was smart to break up with him. I feel sorry for the girl he cheated with for getting mixed up with him and his exceedingly bad judgement and for having a miscarriage, if she really was pregnant, if not, wow, she is just as stupid for trying to get this guy in her life with manipulation. OP should do his X a favour and stay out of her life. But I am also wondering now if the friend's sister was pregnant already and OP was set up to cover for this? Did he even have sex with the girl, or they just told him he did and he believed it since he was passed out and remembered nothing? I suppose we can never know. After update: I hope OP had learned some lessons about not getting stupid drunk, and not adding stupid decisions on top of stupid actions. I'm not surprised his C does not want him back. I do feel he was taken advantage of in one way or another. 8) Of course OP has the right for her feelings about this and to not going along with being blindsided, but I can fully see why her boyfriend thought this was a good idea based on all he knew about her, her desire to marry him, her expressed feelings that planning a wedding was too much stress, and her love of surprises. It's too bad this didn't work out as he anticipated. NAH. After update: I hope this works out for OP & her boyfriend either way of future marriage or not. If they stay together, this should be a lesson to communicate better and work on things jointly. 9) His dad needs to teach his son not to be rude. Step mom can't force him to consider her his mother, but she should expect to be treated with respect, but she said nothing about why their relationship is bad, could it be that she has been too pushy about being his "mother". Making threats and never following through teaches it's ok to be disrespectful, but doing this now over some attitude and canceling his birthday is seriously overreacting and not ok. Any hope of having a decent relationship with step son will be destroyed. YTA. And why does each kid not have their own parties? After update: It seems OP did not learn a lesson from her post. She is still bludgeoning stepson with the threat of no birthday party, and then it was the grandparents who ultimately gave him a party. She is irresponsible and still YTA. I feel sorry for her stepson, she clearly does not care about him. 10) Sad for OP to learn the person she idealizes and waned to emulate was/is a backstabbing, nasty, POS, and so is he now X-husband. OMG. Her parents also suck about this. I'm happy to hear OP found love and is having a good life. OP need feel no guilt for seeing her sister's life go to hell and feeling happy about this much deserved outcome. After comments: I guess the parents aren't as awful as it first seemed. I do hope OP avoids any entanglement with her sister and keeps her husband and children NC with her. If OP does show up at home, she can be pleased that "The best revenge is living well." After update: It's nice OP was happy to see her parents. Sister and X are getting their just deserts, it's unfortunate the sister's poor kids will suffer because of their crappy parents. So glad OP got away from all this mess.

[@Kati_P]

Story 1: OP dodged a freaking nuke by breaking up with the ex and distancing himself from her and her toxic family. He's still going to be entangled with her if she is pregnant to an extent, but I'm glad he's (hopefully) going to be a stable presence in their child's life to balance out mom and her family's toxicity.

[@ajakuk1]

Quote~ A gold covered turd is still a turd. I will now stick to this quote. Thank you to the commenter for this amazing quote 😂😂😂

[@vidaapplebee8388]

Op. Call her mom and spill the beans before the wedding!! Nta

[@franciebelcher4594]

Damn! That 1st story, OP dodged a huge firing squad! Cousin is a lady of steel to have withstood alll of that family gossip AND OPs ex! If the baby is real and actually OPs, he's going to have work very, VERY hard to counteract his ex's family's toxicity.

[@Wikita007]

No wonder the ex fiance is such an awful person. Turns out most of the family is just as horrible. I feel sad for the cousin, but it's better if they don't waste a ton of money feeding and entertaining a bunch of insensitive a-holes. Better use the money for a nice, long honeymoon for just the two of them, and use the time to destress, heal and enjoy each other.

[@TaterKakez]

The last story, w/ dad walking down the isle: Why didn’t they change the wording? I agree w Markee; both are extreme in their positions. So, if it’s the symbolism- then change the way you walk down the isle and the wording! “Who has raised this young woman? Given her love, support and guidance throughout her childhood?”

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

Dude, she may not have even been pregnant. A lot of women seem to pull that trick.

[@niaavalon8828]

Not walking down the isle: In our tradition, friends and family walk with the bride AND groom, and the question is, "does this wo/man come of her/his own free will, without threat or fear?" That solves the whole problem.

[@lina9535]

You know, hearing the surprise wedding story again, I think I actually know how Mark could have pulled it off sucessfully. It may be a stretch, but since OP's main issue was her lack of involvement, what if Mark had taken a few weeks just asking her (seemingly at random) about how she'd want their wedding to be. Who she'd have as bridesmaids, etc. Then he could have used all that info to put together the surprise wedding. I've done that to a friend, but in order to be able to plan the birthday of their dreams along with some other friends. Since I'm don't really care about my own birthday or what happens with it (for parties and such), me bringing things up such as "My niece recently told me that she'd like to do X for her birthday." ask for their thoughts and then softly going into "what would you like to" etc.

[@meghanplayssims]

so nicole brings sarah to the wedding, sarah causes a scene, nicole spills on the cheating, now nicole is mad op ruined her brothers reputation? make it make sense

[@Queenfloofles]

Easier to blame the victim than take personal accountability. I had people like that.

[@experiencedotaku171]

1:53:38 "Guys be honest... Am I an asshole?" "Uh yes" "HOW DARE YOU-" Bro is clearly offended af😭😂

[@lkayh]

The MOH story: once upon a time I was asked to be a friend’s MOH. We were both in our early 20’s, and I guess I am not “normal,” because I never studied what was supposed to happen in weddings, never dreamed of my own wedding, just never got caught up in wedding culture. I decided very young that I probably would never marry (after seeing a few disasters in my family, it just didn’t look like a good idea). Anyway, her wedding was very atypical (she got married by a grandma in a tie-died mumu in the middle of a cow pasture, and my official title was “best woman.”). Anyway, I figured she was making her own rules all the way so I just asked her what she wanted me to do, noting that we lived in two different cities hours apart and I had a tight job schedule. She said, “just show up on the day.” So that’s what I did. She never spoke to me again. Apparently “everybody knows” that the MOH was supposed to throw the bachelorette party and while there were no dress fittings (jeans or skirts), I guess I was supposed to take a large part in helping with invites and such as well. She was my best friend all thru school, so that was a huge loss, but honestly I just took her at her word. I legit did NOT know what “everybody knows” about MOH duties, though I’ve learned more since and kicked myself for not trying to find out more at the time, so I could at least ask if she wanted me to do more things. I wish, too, that she’d used her words and TOLD me that she did want me and her other friends to throw her a hen party, etc., and that she’d ASKED me to help with invites. Never assume “everybody knows” things even if they’re longstanding traditions. Especially don’t assume if you’re already departing from MOST traditions and having a very unconventional event. If a friend that you care about asks what you expect them to do, TELL THEM. And also, if a close friend asks you to do something like this, ask LOTS Of questions along the way and talk to the other members of the party to see if there are things you could be doing to help. I miss my friend. We should have done that better.

[@kat1722]

My bff has 2 under 4. They do not scream all day. Sometimes yes- they get in a fight or get hurt or just scream (rare) and when they do it is quickly stopped by them (parents) they know how to use 'inside voices' and when it's ok to be loud- outside but not screaming all the time (considerate of neighbors) all the neighbors also know if the kids are outside screaming something is wrong. Even when they do get over excited and loud it's quickly corrected and redirected

[@agkittyhook2257]

Father not walking daughter down the aisle story: I hope she doesn't expect her husband to carry her over the threshold since that custom stems from raiders stealing g & carrying off women.

[@AWildJirachi]

How much do we wanna bet that all of the people saying “be more empathetic, that’s totally normal, it’s a shared living space and you need to get over it” also have nightmare kids like OP’s neighbor

[@elisabethb.131]

About the surprise wedding story: NTA. It seems OP had been talking a lot about getting married to her boyfriend, so her boyfriend took that as a reason to plan a surprise wedding. HOWEVER, someone talking a lot about getting married is a HUGE indication that they already thought about what they would like, and that they might get a lot of pleasure, excitement and joy out of planning their OWN wedding. Now imagine setting out to plan a surprise wedding for someone. Wouldn't the HUGE amount of decisions that involves give you pause about whether or not it was a good idea to do all of that without the bride's input? I't may be intended as a sweet idea in theory, but in practice it's also incredibly controlling. Most women don't even like public proposals for exactly that reason, because it simply puts you on the spot. Just blowing past the common knowledge that getting married is a BIG deal for many people (some people look forward to planning such an event since childhood), was always going to be a huge risk. Considering that OP didn't even get any say in who would be there or what she would wear, planning a 'surprise wedding' actually involves A LOT of going behind someone's back, and making tonnes of decisions in their stead. I don't blame OP for being incredibly uncomfortable with that. Her fiancé took WILD liberties in his assumptions and actions, and in the end, that's not romantic.

[@Bdear1]

Surprise date story I know well. I can't count how many times people have done this to me. Determined that I'm just shy or something, & think It'll be a fun surprise. A friend says it's like you ate way too much cake, & after don't want more, & feel sick near it. It doesn't change bc someone else loves it, or their POV, it's not fair, & doesn't change bc someone forces it. I think it's like if the person hates guns, & you take them to a shooting range, & pressure them to stay a while.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

That’s disgusting they can’t have kids but Ops ex is going to announce it ? I would have called the parents and cousin to warn them

[@michellehuot9360]

1:18:51 in most places you can apply for a marriage license with only one of the two parties present as long as they are able to provide copies of all necessary documents for both parties. Doesn’t mean you can then go through and successfully file that application that you have to sign through a legal ceremony or whatever it’s called. (I should know the actual wording better given that I’m a certified wedding planner )

[@clownsnatch6939]

siiiigh people will defend single parent till death even when they are absolutely irresponsible. It is NOT their problem if he cant control his kids. Not their problem if they guy is a single parent, not their problem if he is struggling. He decided to have kids, he must deal with it and shut his feral kids up. People act like the world revolves around children and parents.it doesnt.

[@TiffWaffles]

The OP that literally couldn't handle a pre-teen acting like a teenager is disgusting. She forces her stepson to have a birthday with her daughter when there should be separate birthdays, and then CANCELLED his birthday? If I had a stepparent like this, there would be no coming back from that. OP clearly hates her stepson and didn't want him to have his party.

[@funtimegenshin6973]

Im absolutely okay with not being a relationship and if someone tried to force me into one id flip out at them

[@RonenYehiav]

2nd Story - shrieking toddlers: Oh, I sure would be emphatic - TO THE KIDS!!! Would have called CPS on the 2nd or 3rd occurnce, as this is child abuse, bo less!

[@hilarymurray8741]

Surprise wedding story : NTA OP. It wasn't a romantic gesture, it was a controlling gesture. It shows that Mark doesn't really know you very well to spring this on you, despite your expressed views about the work involved in organising one. If you had caved in through embarrassment, you would have resented it for the rest of your marriage, that you did not get to have your 'Big Day' with a 'proper' wedding as you would have liked it. Is he always this controlling? If he is, that might be worth thinking about.

[@TiffWaffles]

My trauma response is to become violent. If I had a friend like that evil bridezilla that aired my personal trauma, got into my face, and continued to be abusive... She'd be having to get a new face before her wedding because hers would have been ripped off. I literally black out when I am having a trauma response and have no idea what I am doing until I get out of them... and then I am in a bad way for hours and days afterwards.

[@Michele_PoeTreeWitch]

First story: “Accidentally” help her down the stairs rapidly and hope for the best!!!! Then he’d be the Ahole. 😁👍 I would go to the cousin and their fiancé and tell them what she said.

[@Tevikolady]

wedding story. The father walking his daughter down the aisle is NOT about a daughter being property. This is a symbolism of a father relinquishing his status of *protecting and caring* for his daughter to another man. It5 has NEVER been about property, ever, not once.

[@kittikats]

Sleeping with the best friends sister ... it sounds like a set up. I'm guessing ABC was never pregnant. OP might have never even slept with her. They ruined an amazing relationship OP had with GF just so they could be a hsppy family BF being his brother.

[@mindyrolston3915]

Anyone giving Op crap because this dude cannot handle his children and they're screaming really need to check their own mental capacity. It's not normal for children to scream constantly. And he's a deadbeat dad if he spends all his time gaming all day long. And trust me I would take it up with management until I got his ass kicked out. Because I shouldn't have to listen to screaming children 24/7

[@Leathergirl76]

Hi there Aussie hubby! Thank you for the extra long video.

[@coyoteodinkar5548]

Dude, didn't think I'd here Markie get that pissed.

[@carlrood4457]

The key point is he's encouraging her to be an untrustworthy person and go back on her word. This means OP, and anyone else who finds out about this, will have reason to doubt any other promises she makes in the future. It could be reasonable to request of the parents a few years extension on the repayment to get settled in her career and build up some savings first.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

Thanks for the stories, Markie 😊

[@kskidspastor]

“Petty and manipulative” is withholding a gift because your daughter doesn’t want to honor a tradition that she doesn’t hold as honorable, and your feelings are hurt.