I Can See the Light | Kristy Lee

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Күн бұрын

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@deaconbluezzz 7 жыл бұрын

Glad you're feeling better! Sounds like a sinus headache (a storm front moving in will do it for me all the time). Aleve Cold and Sinus is a Godsend BTW. Keep on climbing towards that light :)

@KristyLeeVlogs 7 жыл бұрын

+deaconbluezzz Thank you. We did have a storm moving in lol- good call, I didn't think of that.

@xdebugxDotNet 7 жыл бұрын

Glad your feeling better, your a help to a lot of people Kristy. I don't watch as much YT as I used to but I do still watch most of your videos, your one of my favorite channels. Don't let the blog site stress you, and let me know if I can help you with any of the technical side of it.

@KristyLeeVlogs 7 жыл бұрын

+XdebugX Games Thank you. I hope you're doing well.

@jessicakeeney2343 7 жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh yes, that storm was nuts last night!!!!!!

@KristyLeeVlogs 7 жыл бұрын

+Jessica Keeney Yes it was. I usually really enjoy them.

@jessicakeeney2343 7 жыл бұрын

Kristy Lee I enjoy them as long as I'm not sleeping :-)

@HolyOrderofDragons 7 жыл бұрын

Darn, not F1rst. Jessica Keeney beat me to it, he he he !!! :) Know that some of us are also greatful that You are here with Your videos. At least I know that I am. Anyways. Yes You are correct. Sometimes we are so inside ourselves, in our darkness, that we forget how that affects those around us. I too have been on both sides of the fence. When on the outside and it was my parter (at that time) who was depressed and didn't want to even get out of bed. We even stopped sleeping in the same bed and I started living in the bedroom and gave her the livingroom and she wanted to sleep on a matress. I tried to give her alot of space as I know that any judgement or preassure is so heavy when in that state. Still it was hard. I eventually called healthcare, had a meeting with a psycholigist or psychatrist and got a meeting where I followed her there on the first meeting but then she went for the rest herself. She just needed my support to get going. She ended up on medication but just like me seemed to get all the sise effects even the really rare ones (it's why I don't take any medication after having tried various ones during my life, they don't help me much and the side effects justs makes it worse). During that period she left me anyway and I know that she kept trying various medications but never really found any that helped. Now years and years after we sometimes talk but I can tell that she is never really getting out of her "state" just like I never will. Often she turns it into blaming that it is everyone else there is something wrong with and the world is sick, not her. To some extent I do agree, the world is sick in many ways. However even if in a hospital surrounded by sick people doesn't make Your illness go away or for You to get magically well. A couple of things that really hunted me and was a drain, being on the outside, was wondering if it somewhow was my fault she was depressed. If my way of being had pushed her over the edge. Or if she just wanted to get out of our realtionship. Yes it turend out in our case that that was part of what might have triggered her depression, as she wanted to leave me, but it was not the main reason. You know the hen or the egg, hard to tell which came first. Looking back on our realtionship the signs was always there that something was wrong, not just with me but also with her. Two broken people trying to fix/mend each other. That doesn't always turn out so well. She was always very bossy, holding the power as I was so in love with her. She often used that she knew my biggest fear was to lose her. She often threw tantrums and just walked out the door and me having to run after. Sometimes I let her just walk out and then later that day she would eventually come back when she had settled down. I'm more inwards when i have my periods and go into myself and goes quiet. Just want to be left alone in my batcave. I don't act out as much. Another really hard thing was feeling totally powerless to help. Even though I know that nobody can help me or get me out of it when I go into myself like that, it is hard to see somone You love hurt and not being able to reach them or feel You can do anything to change their situation. It was a good experience to realize how hard it was for anyone on the outside looking in. My biggest take away form it is that You can not really do anything. Just be there but in the background and don't ever judge or put any preassure, as that might break the other one completely, push them even further into the darkness. Keep Your distance but still make them really feel that You won't abandon them. That whenever they want or need they can just make a sign and You're there for them. Don't preassure any help on someone, as the road to hell is often paved with good intentions. Realize that there is nothing You can "fix". Just time is needed for the person themself to rest and gather strength to cope with their state of being again. You can't rush it. One last time she threw a tantrum and walked out. I did not chase her that time. That was the last time and she never returned. Later that eveing as I called her and asked if she not coming home soon, she just said she won't be coming back and that was it. Since then I have never had a romantic or even physical realtionship with anyone ( as I can not have one without the other). I have tried to get involved again twice but it doesn't work out. I just can't go through that again the emotional price it costs or being abandoned (no, that was not the first time). On top of that I can not really feel that deeply for anyone again it seems. I can feel something but not the way I felt for her. Been 7 years now and I just can't do it anymore.