I FAILED- An update on Evyx

[@ColeEvyx]

The old version of me has failed. I've lost nearly everything that mattered to me. Enough. A tiger can't change their stripes and I'll prolly always be a people pleasser, I'll prolly always put other people ahead of myself. But I've had enough. My dog dying on Friday and now staring down the barrel of being laid off of my job in spite of me knowing I'm a good developer I've had ENOUGH!

[@MisteRRYouTuby]

You’re not making any sense.

[@ZephyrSnowflame]

You have to give yourself grace. Just because you’re a content creator doesn’t mean you’re an immortal, unfeeling monolith. And there is a difference between kindness and saying yes to everyone. I think the point is to be kind to yourself first. Before you’re kind to everyone else. That doesn’t mean that you’re selfish. But you can’t pour from an empty vessel. You have to fill yourself first. Sending love and good vibes. I repeat, because it bears repeating - You need to give yourself grace!

[@axlessr55]

Good luck man, rooting for you.

[@ColeEvyx]

Thank you kindly! I'm gonna try my best, and gonna push for happiness!

[@CyeMourii]

I've heard your words, and the raw emotion attached to them, come out of my own mouth in the past. There is nothing wrong with you, and you have not failed. Diamonds are formed under intense heat and pressure. They're beautiful, strong, and resilient gemstones. If you can make it through this now, you'll be able to make it through anything. I believe this is the first video of yours that I've seen, so KZbin is pushing it out there

[@zaslek]

Be kind to yourself first (which means saying NO to others sometimes) and then you'll start to regain the mental & emotional energy to succeed. I moved from Boston To Austin 2 years ago after some similar things and it's put me in such a better place in my life after taking time to focus on me first. You'll rebuild even better with better people.

[@sweettart130]

We're here for you. Do what you need.

[@ColeEvyx]

Thank you very much =3 I'll try my best

[@devilduckietu]

I'm so sorry dude. You are amazing, and i want nothing but the best for you.

[@ColeEvyx]

Thank you so much! I appreciate it a ton, here's hoping things can improve! =]

[@dragonriderabens9761]

god damn dude cannot catch a break I am concerned in your grief and anger, you might go too far in the opposite direction. I agree, being a door mat needs to stop. at some point saying "go fuck yourself" is a healthy thing. but saying it too often can be just as bad wishing you all the best. Wish I could be there to give you a hug to try and help

[@Naoto-kun1085]

@@dragonriderabens9761 I also agree, you can be a kind person while also not being a door mat, in fact I believe a good person knows when to help others and when to stand up for themselves! It's not all black and white..

[@AjaniGoldmaneFFXIV]

you got this man! I am sorry though for how much happened to you this past year, that's way to much for anyone.

[@ColeEvyx]

Thank you kindly! Yeah... it's... it's really been too much. I feel offensive when I say it but I also mean it. I wonder how God (or whomever anyone chooses to believe in) could take away so much? Why rip this much hope away? It's... it's hard for me to even come to terms with all of this.

[@ar7h3]

Sorry to hear about your dog man, I have 3 myself and I fear about them everyday, I hope things get better soon 😢

[@ColeEvyx]

I'd say to give them a hug, but honestly I suspect you already do! Losing Bindy was a jarring shock. I literally had petted her before going to a medical appointment and before I arraived back home my dad already had her at the vet. She seemed perfectly fine before... heh. Just another thing stripped away this year. It's crazy thinking about it really.

[@erisiannightmare2250]

As a fellow people pleaser, that moment when you realize you not only deserve to be happy too and that you should prioritize your own well-being and happiness is a good thing. It just always sucks that the realization hits you at the very darkest time. But you will get through this, I really believe that. My deepest condolences on your pupper and many hugs to you. I'm rooting for you. ♥

[@admcleo]

Thanks for the video. I'm hoping for better things for you, me, and countless others. It feels like we're in a second great depression, but media refuses to focus on the issues people are having (or at least pointing to the problem as often the problem also owns multiple networks or media platforms). It's living in a burning house that the neighborhood insists is fine, and when you lose your means for a present let alone a future it feels surreal that this fake reality is being adhered to. It sucks even more when afterwards some people seem to turn around and go "Wait, you trusted what you've been told every day your whole life? Clearly the fault is with you!" I'm rooting for you, I'm rooting for all of us, I don't think better days are around the corner but I think we'll all survive to see the turning point.

[@Dracobyte]

Do what is best for you and your health!

[@ColeEvyx]

I'll be honest, that's another thing that has been going really bad. I just had an ECG and bloodwork done and my feet are swollen normally size 7.5 feet to like 10.5 (my feet are MICROSCOPIC compared to my height lmao!) so... there's a lot of actual physical health concerns. It's been baddddddddddddd

[@Catzillator]

Hey man, sorry to hear about your dog. You didn’t fail. Your dog had a good time with you. You are the world for your dog. Don’t be ashamed, you can be sad but you aren’t failing. Do what ever you want to be happy Cole. We will be rooting for you. Okay?

[@HealsLFW]

It’s so good to hear that you are putting yourself first! The only thing you have complete control over is yourself. Good luck with the changes, and this stranger on the internet really does hope that things get better! ❤

[@xc6ix]

long time fan, lost my dad, my dog, my best friend, and a big break up as well over the last couple years myself... its been a rough time, so i feel you so much on your struggles and hope you and i both find our joy and love in ourselves again. Keep your head up and keep going!

[@MuseoftheNight]

From yet another voice in the crowd, I wish you the very best on your journey. Sometimes it takes a while, but you've been taking the steps and I fully believe you're going to get there!

[@PharCryy]

I'm going to tell you something that the average person tries to run from their entire life.. "You have to be forced to lose to learn how to win..."

[@ColeEvyx]

Gosh ;_; that makes sense and hits in a meaningful way actually. I feel like that's true... damn have I had my fill of loss though. Is that bad to say? I'm sick of losing and have lost so so precious much that I'm... I'm actually mad at this point. Furious. I just don't know how to win anymore. I thought I was doing everything right and here it is blown to pieces. I guess that's a part of learning >

[@nitemare1004]

holy crap... i am so sorry. but we are here for you! you are strong and you got it! best of luck moving forward

[@ShindoWonderland]

As a fellow hroth who went through so much myself, I understand your feelings, be angry be disappointed, be hurt. Those feelings are totally valid. But finally you decide if you let them rule over you, or if you use the energy to overcome them. Life’s never fair, but every challenge overcome makes you stronger and more resilient. You know where to find me if you need a pair of ears to listen and a hug to receive. I’m always there for you.

[@StingcatKnight]

very sad to hear, i wish u luck ColeEvyx, hope things improve from now on

[@msalinap2010]

I have been watching and listening to your videos for a long time, and I have been in your exact position several years ago. I have been cheated on, lied to, pets have passed on, lost my job and diagnosed with cancer. You are a lovely, kind-hearted person and karma will bring love back to you. I am now surrounded by loving family, have a loving dedicated partner, have new loving pets, a great job and I'm a cancer survivor! Keep your head held high and all good things will come to you too!! I promise good things come to those who stay positive and kind, believe me, I know.

[@MasterIlaparatzo]

I’ve seen what you’re capable of in game. I know you have the will to push on and succeed! A new year is right around the corner and I already know you’re gonna knock it out the park!

[@hugsomebody]

tearing up listening to ya - YES for being vocal, yes for being you!!!! We love you for who u r, LOVE that you are now taking care of you!! You deserve to bask in your full brightness - fck anyone who gets in the way of that! Always rooting you on!!!! and may karma come to those who took advantage of you... BIG karma...

[@mindfighter1]

I'm sorry you've been through so much and I hope things will get better for you

[@robertsellers1183]

The fact that you pushed yourself to open up instead of turtling shows you are already pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. As a fellow people pleaser, I find it helpful to remember the safety directions on a plane, "you must put your mask on before helping others." This is the same thinking as a healer... ensure you are safe before rezzing. I say that because as harmful as people pleasing is, it also has its benefits if you find better control over it, which it sounds like is ultimately the change you are trying to make. Life always seems to find a way to pile on all of the crap in a concentrated span of time, and I wish there were more I could do, but know we are rooting for you. You will get through this. You have the love and support of your community. Just remember, you must ensure your own needs are met before seeking to satisfy the needs of others.

[@Naoto-kun1085]

Being kind and polite towards other doesn't mean you can't be assertive and stand up for yourself. A lot of people will tell you that those are mutually exclusive, but that's simply not true. The issue is that most people only are nice as far as it gets them something, but you should be a good person because that's what you want to do with your life! I hope that you will not become a jerk after this, because trust me I know from experience, treating other people poorly and being cruel to others doesn't bring happiness either. Hate is exhausting to be frank. I'm sorry for all that's happened and I hope your life will improve in time 🙏

[@CarpenterStateOfTheArt]

I appreciate you being so open. Talking about how you feel and being vulnerable takes a lot of courage. I hope you'll get through all of this. Every 'It's so over!' gets followed up by a 'We're so fucking back!' in the long term.

[@ManeEdge]

Hearing this crushed my soul, I really hope life gets better for you soon, I know everything feels like hell right now but keep in mind you're a smart person and you're good at what you do, you already know that so stay strong. Also I know your fiance situation has made you feel pretty bad, but remember YOU are the most important person in your life and you gotta keep trying to love yourself, NEVER throw away your kindness because of other people's mistakes, don't lose yourself and just stay here no matter what, don't give up. Do it for your puppy and for yourself. Much much love and a pretty tight hug.

[@demillion]

i hope things improve for you, take the time to work on yourself and your goals, as the line from the crow says, it can't rain forever

[@huskymirai5824]

You're in your villain arc (standing up for yourself) proud of you 🐺💕

[@boskov6461]

I never comment or anything on youtube but really wanted to thank you for being so raw and honest with people. My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. As a gay guy whose life is also not what he expected, a lot of what you said hits different. Hearing your determination at the end of the video was more helpful than you may realize. You seem to have a good community that supports you and fwiw I'm joining it. Do what feels right for you to get to the life you want to have. If you want to temper some of the kindness you give out to others, then remember to be kind to yourself.

[@kamiccillo]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's important to let it out sometimes, both for you and those listening to you to know it's okay to open up. We're here for you. Don't lose yourself to the pain, but as others mirrored, you didn't fail.

[@stesha4456]

I'm so sorry about your baby and all that has happened. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself first. In the end all we have is ourselves. I really hope things get better. I know how it feels to have to much taken in a year. Hugs.

[@Varedise]

Hewy Cole, I'm so sorry your going throught such a rough time atm. I can relate to this since we lost one of our dogs also at a fairly young age so suddenly and our youngest son is still heartbroken about it. Not to mention that I also had been in a (mental) abusive friendship for the longest time and at some point I couldn't do it anymore and I broke off with the mayority of my friendsgroup since it was nonestop toxicity.... Recently one of them tried to reach out to me and wanted to come over and talk, but wasnt able to due to work and some stuff at home. But really he hasnt reallty contacted me in any way after that and that really says enough to me. At some point you just have to get rid of these people no matter how hard that might be or sound but you will come out a better and stronger person and honestly I feel better than I have for the last several year. I wish you the best and strenght for the coming days, take care.

[@Sugar-bz5np]

It's the hardest times of our lives that shape who are. You will get through this.

[@Zoeila]

dude stop blaming yourself for the actions of others

[@ColeEvyx]

Thank you ;_; I really should. But I suppose my brain right now is like "What is the common denominator in all these situations? It's me. I'm the common denominator/problem." It's... it's hard for me to feel like I haven't failed.

[@wgunder1]

@@ColeEvyx the common denominator is not you it is someone elses actions that given you a bad result

[@Zoeila]

@@ColeEvyx i've been there before. you can be nice and kind while still standing your ground and sticking up for yourself.

[@Jayceiscool]

glad you’ve decided to put yourself first! excited for you! be the you that you want to be and everything else will follow

[@JMChatman]

Not a failure! But I hear you! Be the person you want to be! I’m manifesting for you!

[@VanIslandGaming]

As a Canadian I get it man, my non Canadian friends will never understand how bad it is here, they think its just the same as everywhere else.

[@Naoto-kun1085]

@@VanIslandGaming It's funny how many Americans will say "Canada's economy is so much better than the US" or "Universal Healthcare solves everything" as if it's some magical land ☠️

[@VanIslandGaming]

@Naoto-kun1085 The healthcare may be "free" but I can't even get on a waiting list to actually get a family doctor because of how broken the system is.

[@Naoto-kun1085]

@@VanIslandGaming Exactly, but Americans can't stop complaining about their own problems to see that other countries have problems too!

[@HaydenDawson]

You're doing the best you can. You'll get through this.

[@ncBadrock]

That is a crazy amount of shit you have to endure currently. I hope you can get out stronger.

[@The_Makenshi]

Take your time, grieving is an important part of healing. Grieve all that you have lost and then you have room to grow again. We're still going to be here when you're ready.

[@RedVortex11X]

You haven't failed anything, you're a sweet person things are hard now but things will get better, it's just been a bad year.

[@tkOzeki]

God bless you friend. As for what you said about possibly offending people who believe in God, personally, I’m not offended. I felt like that in the past. Just know that this isn’t the end, and you have so so much to look forward to. This is the second video about you that I’ve ever seen, and I can already tell that you’re a very genuine person who cares deeply about others. Remember to set boundaries, and know that the act of setting those boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person it doesn’t make you mean or cold to other people. It’s how you build respect with and from other people as well as with yourself.

[@FrostTheDefect]

I'm incredibly happy you're finding your strength again. Incredibly happy. Hope you get to sue your ex fiance after what he's done to you. No way he should be able to get away with any of that. Rooting for you, Cole.

[@MrDuhawesome]

wishing you the best!

[@ShoteR_Omega]

Hey man, speaking as someone who experienced a lot of shit like you're having now, stop thinking God did x or y to you, we have free will and we gotta face our problems as they are, shit happens and we cannot change it a lot of times. What we can change is how we can let them affect us and what we can learn from it, be resilient seek help from your family and close friends, make new friends, fight for what you rightfully deserve and never give up but know that sometimes it's gonna be unfair and you'll have to push harder until you can finally win and get what you deserve. Anyway I hope I managed to keep it cohesive enough and that you can recover soon from all this BS happening to you

[@ShoteR_Omega]

And don't worry, from the bottom of the pit the only way is going up from now on, you just need to keep moving , force yourself if you need to, because winning is the best way to show your ex fiancee that you're above this piece of shit and the you'll rise even higher without him

[@Naoto-kun1085]

@@ShoteR_Omega I agree, I believe that part of us having free will means we'll get hurt sometimes, and I'd much rather that than God putting us all in cages where we'll never be hurt ever. Life is unpredictable and sometimes it's no one's fault, but you got to learn and grow and find meaning in life!

[@phillipmcmurtry4724]

Change is important. growth is important. learning to stick up for yourself is extremely important. that does not mean you have failed. You have not failed. from what im hearing, those around you failed you. i hope things get better for you and i hope the changes you make make life fulfilling for you. My symapthy for your loss. Goodluck and much love to you. But you did not fail.

[@Naoto-kun1085]

@@phillipmcmurtry4724 Exactly, sticking up for yourself doesn't mean you need to stop being kind and caring for others! And vice versa, being a kind person doesn't mean you need to be a doormat. I think society pushes a 2 dimensional narrative that you need to be one or the other, but it's simply not true!

[@RedVortex11X]

I've lost a lot this year as well, my dog died. My only friend one that I've known for years, the only one that truly understood me, left me, and like you, I'm trapped somewhere I don't want to be a racist homophobic small hick town in Mississippi.

[@jaquanepatterson2537]

Really touched me at the part of "why am i still trying to be nice instead of yelling "F()Ck YOU!", I was told that to properly deal with people who cause you friction is to "Kill'em with Kindness" and that goddamn mentality screwed my spirit for a long damn time, it's always spouted to be the bigger person in conflict but that just makes me mad at myself! Being the bigger person is over damn rated, being petty, angry, and keeping grudges can be seen as childish, but you know what? It can feel nice getting in touch with your inner child sometimes.

[@kenamada5451]

I understand your situation as a yes man and people pleaser myself. I know it too well and I am still going through the motions. This may be unsolicited advice and sorry in advance, but on the off-chance that this does help... One thing you have to acknowledge is that the old you is you. Often times we create this distance in ourselves because it hurts to acknowledge what we think we did to ourselves. That "accountability" so to speak is the first step in doing right by us. At the same time, do not let the world beat you into becoming something you don't recognize. That sweetness, that tenderness and empathy you give to people. That can still live in you, but it has to be moderated and curated by boundaries, assertiveness and dolling of consequences if those things are crossed. Trust me, the yesman, the people pleasure when done in moderation will attract the best of people in your life, so reserve it for those people only. This is what I've learned on my recovery from some of the worst people have done to me over my niceties. I won't armchair psych you, but I pass this on as something I've learned in my walk. I'm in a similar situation to you and right now in rock bottom. The people who have truly appreciated my kindness have paid me back 10 fold during these times. Those who care about you will show themselves during these times. Just don't shut them out. Being selfish and working on you is okay. We all need to.

[@Chrisderderderder]

😢❤

[@AlphaAtlas98]

Hey hey hey. Its ok we all fail at points but we gotta get back up and keep going. You made it this far. Also be more loving towards yourself trust me nothing will piss off that ex more than you thriving without him take it from a fellow gay man who is petty as hell.

[@keanubredenkamp3776]

[@ColeEvyx]

[@wgunder1]

First off you hadn't failed one damn thing , you havn't really posted anything because surprise surprise this is an ff14 channel and FF14 has not been bring any content , its very lax until x.2 patch comes. On ly otherthing right now is ultimate which you have been preparing for!

[@Garchomp10501]

Play POE2

[@ColeEvyx]

HELL YES YOU BET I WILL! I look forward to when the druid comes out, prolly witch I guess in early access