I Have Been Experiencing S**cidal Thoughts A Lot Recently

[@nilsblumfelds]

Hi Matthew, I resonate with your message, I feel like Im in a similar boat - Im single - only a few friends and introverted so don't hang out - not doing "much" in life - procrastinate - unhappy with my self - I and the world seem a bit empty Although I must say that from an external perspective (like you mentioned) people would say that I do have many things going for me. The things that help me, and could hopefully help you - Go for a run, do some hobbies (cars for me), charity work, walk the dog - Accept who you are and create a system for self improvement - What do you want to do in life? - How will you achieve this? - Create these goals, but focus on creating and following a system that will inevitably lead to them. You are correct, we are not you and you are not anyone of us. Only you can figure your way through life. "Life is a blank canvas, its your job to paint it." I think that posting these videos on KZbin is beneficial for your self, almost like therapy. However, If I may set a challenge/request to upload some videos with an upbeat narrative. I obviously do not know the true extent of what your going through, but hope that this helps. You are not alone Matthew, we all go through struglles but no one ever shares that side of their life. That's why It might seem like every one else is living a fantastic life. You are young and lost, just like me, just like many others, you have had hardship but this is life, it is expected and is what forms great people. Matthew, please consider how beautiful and precious life is, do not let it go. So, paint your painting

[@r4h4al]

Brilliant post Nils. Upbeat videos would be much better. There is something very off because the streams and when he engages with the comments he is upbeat but the videos are very downbeat. There is a massive mood swing from one to the other which may be bipolar. Imo. 🤷

[@HalfViking]

@@r4h4al I think it is important that Matthew tells us how he is feeling - I would agree he needs to make some positive videos - but I think his passion in his car videos is wonderful - he is full of energy - his challenge is that he is an intelligent guy who is struggling to find an intelligent job to do - to match his potential - and struggles with studying subjects like chemistry (I would as well) - I also liked to sleep my life away at 17 - I also did a boring job as a summer job - I was fortunate to discover computer programming - Matthew is fortunate to have found live youtube - where his quality shows - so his challenge is a mental one - how does he recognise that 1 or 2 hours of live youtube a day is a full time job? I have suggested he writes a book for the rest of the day - but there other things he could do. Chris

[@adrianhempfing2042]

​@r4h4al I wouldn't think bipolar as such. I did think , one definition of an Extrovert is they gain energy when around others whereas an Introvert draws energy when alone. Maybe our guy is a " Intropective Extrovert "

[@billspooks]

"... you have had hardship but this is life, it is expected and is what forms great people." What you said.

[@colehilled39457]

I’m a 20 year old with bipolar disorder, and I’ve dealt and still deal with all of this stuff. I’m so sorry that you’re going through that hell. I can honestly say that the best thing that has ever happened to me was seeing a psychiatrist. Just that first step of scheduling the appointment is terrifying, because you have to tell someone that you want to die, and there is nothing more vulnerable than that. But it was still the best decision I ever made. It took a long time, but getting treatment and medication has been nothing short of life changing (as cheesy as that sounds). We tend to think of mental illness as something dissimilar to other illnesses, and maybe it’s reductive, but they are illnesses and they have treatments just like any other. Your brain has this really funny trick it does where it makes you think, even when you recognize consciously that it isn’t true, that these thoughts and feelings are natural and that they’re not going to change. It’s so incredibly hard to fight that, but seeing someone trained with these kind of things is so validating, because they can see and articulate everything you didn’t know was going on. I hope you get better man, and I hope maybe something here helps you get that. All love.

[@colehilled39457]

If you have the time, “The myth of Sisyphus” by Camus is a really good book that talks about the seeming pointlessness of work and life, and why we should keep going regardless. It’s a fairly short read and I’d recommend it if you’re interested.

[@adrianhempfing2042]

Im glad you sought help and it helped

[@emanuelemelillo6785]

Thaks for sharing your story

[@Blake-h9e5m]

I never comment on videos, in fact I just created a channel for this. I've been watching several of your videos for a decent time now and tuned in to a couple lives. I doubt this will mean much to you but I just want to emphasize how much I can relate to you and care for your wellbeing. I admire your ability to record and post yourself online. That takes some confidence that I don't think I'll ever attain. Your ability to communicate articulately, and with such vulnerability, is such a beautiful gift. I wish I had more that would help you, but I am far too similar to you. The feelings of boredom and inaction you mention describe me perfectly. Please know that you are helping countless people with your videos, that alone should give you so much meaning.

[@mxttthxw]

i’m not sure we will ever meet or ever connect in real life, but that is OK because your energy has touched me in a way that I cannot explain. Maybe this is the one good thing the Internet has done and just know whoever you are this will not be forgotten. I feel your love and support. You are such an amazing human being and know that you are capable things. That you yourself would not even know is possible. 🖤

[@mcrib96]

Matthew, I am listening to you talk and red flags are going off for me. In the first five minutes in your video, what you have described sounds like depression to me. Having watched your videos for several months now, I highly recommend going to see a therapist. There is no shame saying that you are not okay or that you need help. If you broke your arm, you would go to the doctor to get it healed. It's the same with mental health - if something isn't right, you go to a person who can help. I know you've said that you haven't been before, but my friend, it is time. If you knew that the thing that would make you happiest is sitting across the room from you, but you are too sad/unmotivated/depressed to go and get it, that's a good sign that you are battling depression. Next, around the 10 minute mark, you start talking about God not giving you more than you can handle. This is a good idea, but misinterpreted. It comes from 1 Corinthians 10:13 which talks about the believer not being tempted beyond what he can handle AND that God will give the believer a way out of temptation. It means believers can escape the temptation to sin. It does not mean that we will be strong enough to handle whatever life throws at us by ourselves. I won't go too deep here, because there's some good discussion to be had. That being said, Matthew, you ARE a strong person. The courage and bravery it takes to put content like this out there is admirable. Please, please, consider seeing a counselor. If you keep trying to do the same things but nothing is changing, try something different. Matthew, you are in my prayers today.

[@summer27619]

good call , it seemsa matthew here needs a therapist? , you doin' ok yourself? *bro-hug*

[@mxttthxw]

Stay Positive yall

[@johnhanlon1313]

Stay positive, my friend.

[@AnthonyHeadway]

You say stay positive yet the title says differently I am so confused why you have so much confidence and I don't yet you keep making these videos you are doing more than ok

[@sunboyjim693]

It is ok for real men to cry. That means you have emotions. Be proud of yourself, my man.

[@baldbeardedbloke6887]

Stay Positive. Life is Hard. Life is Dangerous.

[@larry9639]

💛💜💙🖤🖤😊

[@tomthiesfeld5035]

Matthew, I'm really worried about you. You are the most nicest, and kindest person ever. You have a lot to live for my man❤. You also have a heart ❤ of gold. Take care of yourself my man.

[@DevRiv]

Hang in there broski. If you need anyone to talk to.. you have a community of people whom would love to give you their time. Stay strong broski. 💪 holler if you need anything

[@FanaticalTactician]

"I shouldn't brag about my achievements" Why not? They're your achievements. They're worth something because you achieved them. Sure, people might not care but if you're proud of something, you throw it in people's faces and you tell them "I did this, I made this". Among my hobbies, I paint Warhammer miniatures and there are few people in my life that do so as well. That isn't going to stop me from picking up a miniature and thrusting it into someone's face and saying "I painted this guy. I sat down at my desk and I glued them together and then spent weeks painting them." If you're passionate about something, you must not contain it because if you do, you do harm on your own wellbeing. You're a person that exists and so long as you breathe, you inflict your existence upon the world because you deserve to be seen.

[@mxttthxw]

I cannot tell you how much this resonates with me thank you so much for this

[@diamindwirt792]

No matter what substance you use when you lower your dose it can give you depression and bad thoughts. Be a fighter you're a strong man! We admire your courage and determination a lot! 💪🏼💪🏼

[@mxttthxw]

[@Vehicle_Enjoyer]

Just came across your channel.. Man, keep on fighting! You can do this! We're all here for you, brother.

[@MTheaded123]

Keep talking it out, Matthew. All of it. You'll find your answers. While you're looking, consider learning how to ground your energetic body to the earth. Grounding quiets an over-active mind. Maybe pick up a paint brush or drawing pencil; anything creative. Creativity puts the mind at ease, and allows answers to come to us a little more gently than when we're using heavy, serious thought to pry them from the mind. Take care.

[@PokemonPhil042]

🖤 You need a holiday. 🖤 do take care of yourself. It isn’t easy but you are strong enough 🖤

[@sunboyjim693]

Matthew, you have a heart of gold and your purpose is exactly what you are doing here, helping others, while also helping yourself by telling your story. I have a big heart like you and sometimes I think it can be a curse, since we tend to care more about others than ourselves, but would rather have a big heart than a big ego. Just remember, you are not alone, and not dwell on the evil/bad in the world around us. Please, please, never hurt yourself. I feel your pain and my heart aches with you to find that happiness. You are very well loved by your family, myself and your followers. I'm sure your Grandparents/Sisters/Rubble would be devastated without you. I just seen at least 4 squirrels chasing each other in the trees outside and just a simple thing like that makes me happy to see. I used to feed them and fun to watch. Stay strong/positive/chill. When you go to gym, sit in hot tub, sauna or steam room, just relax for awhile and not worry about anything. Love you bro. I'm here for you!!!❤❤❤

[@mxttthxw]

I cannot tell you how much this means to me, my brother I would never do anything to myself. However, sometimes it just seems like the darkness crowds over all the light. I really appreciate you, my man.

[@sunboyjim693]

@@mxttthxw You are very welcome and have a special place in my heart. Hope you have a great day!!!

[@billspooks]

When I was 22, after years of struggling with myself, I looked in the mirror one day and said to myself, "I give. I give up. This is the way I am. I am finished struggling and trying to change myself to make OTHERS happy. From this day forward I am going to find myself and be me. I am going to be happy. I am going to go in the direction of peace and seek my purpose in life. The universe chose me out of millions and I am going to be happy being myself." This was many years ago. I am still here and I would now never even consider the alternative. I am stronger. I like my life. It's not perfect but the way I look at it I am a work in progress. It is so good to see you, Sir Matthew.

[@Steinweg100]

Hi Bill, I am glad you had your epiphany early enough to enjoy your life! Onwards and Upwards!

[@Filming-13]

Bro I'm been blessed watching ur videos u got me out of lota thoughts Matthew we all have this thinking ...you make people happy cuz of ur Truth and loyalty and honesty.. thank you My brother 🙏

[@mxttthxw]

🖤

[@phil3924]

Prayed for you today. I hope you get the peace you’re looking for.

[@liamwalsh2467]

Matthew stop taking drugs it will take over your mood swings so you no longer have control of your emotions.Just set yourself some massive goals and try to achieve them. More that you achieve in life the better you will feel about life You are getting very close to 10k subscribers please do something amazing when you get to 10k

[@mxttthxw]

Walsh thank you so much for this my man you are definitely correct. I have been trying to set big goals for myself. Life has just been pretty difficult.

[@r4h4al]

But not having control of emotions is a good thing because it stops the depression.

[@AlexS-m9l]

Depression may improve for a short period of time but the medium and long term consequences are very negative in terms of mental and physical health.

[@r4h4al]

@@AlexS-m9l For me personally the medium effects were good & long terms were excellent for mental/physical health.

[@adrianhempfing2042]

I think it depends what stage people are at. If someone is at a positive outlook on life and content, then has a little bit of substance then the person might be okay. If someone is significantly depressed then substances might mask the situation or take the edge off to some degree but is often causing more disruptions and harms

[@BrandonBuras-cx3bp]

It's okay Matt we are in this together 😢 don't leave us Matt I promise it will get better🤧 I want to give you a big hug right now Buddy. Keep fighting those thoughts ❤

[@drewwhitehead6567]

You are way stronger than you know. I know you are trying. And I continue to pray for my young friend. This will pass. ❤

[@DrRoss-eq6zv]

Hi Mathew, Your messages have always resonated deeply with me and relate on many levels, please never give up things will only get better. I'm still holding on to hope and staying positive is the key as you know as well. Take care continuing to be the best you can be, living in the moment.✌️♥️🙇

[@bernardofitzpatrick5403]

Matt I’m sorry you are suffering. Nice about your doggo. You make a big difference in our lives. Please keep talking to us. Hugs guy.

[@mxttthxw]

this means more than you think, my brother🖤

[@michamoyar4850]

I'll pray for you..Dear yeshua and God, surround matthew with Your loving light, guiding him towards a gentle release from his pain and suffering. May Your peaceful presence fill his heart, comforting him with Your unwavering love and support .

[@Gingerspicelife]

Matthew - please know that you are a beautiful person and I think in this current world life really is a struggle. You are helping others on this platform so thank you for sharing. I have found in my life that prayer is very powerful so I will be praying for you.

[@mxttthxw]

Ginger thank you so much for this my man I’ve definitely been questioning faith and everything like that recently

[@Jeff-si8uv]

STAY POSITIVE YOUNG MAN. YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND MUCH MORE THAN EVER. THIS IS BREAKING MY HEART ❤️. I HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION. I TRULY UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE LOVED AND RESPECTED, CARED ABOUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IT IS SCARY. I LOVE YOUR POWERFUL MESSAGE. NEVER DO ANYTHING TO YOURSELF. AGAIN, YOU ARE LOVED. I WANT TO WISH YOU A 2025 GREAT YEAR. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU GIVE GREAT ADVICE.😊. THANK YOU AND FOR WHO ARE.☝️👍🏻.

[@TonkaJay]

They're not fine seeing someone die. No one ever is. It doesn't matter if you know the person or not, seeing someone die is traumatic. Most people do not deal with it correctly. It gives them issues they do not speak about. The really good thing people can do is soeak about how they feel. It helps sort things out Whether or not you need to soeak with a professional or not is up to you. The interesting thing about humans is how we are similar in what we desire (to have more time and spend it with people we love and what we love to do) but everyone has a different way of getting to that goal. The other interesting thing about humans is how many different kinds of people there are. Two people could go through the same tragedy and come out differently. Why? Two people can look the same (twins) and have strikingly different personalities even if their likes and behaviors are the same. Why? The brain is the most powerful tool on the planet. It is also sensitive to mishandling. And sometimes it's our fault and sometimes it someone else's. Matthew, you are special. Everyone on this planet is, and that makes it sound generic. It isn’t. It is quite remarkable that billions upon billions of people are amazing in their own right. As a whole humans can do fantastical things. And as individuals, such as yourself, they can still do fantastical things. If you hadn't started making videos, we would've missed out on something fantastical. Think about that. 😊

[@EmeraldView]

I'm sorry to hear that Matthew. I go through that a lot! I think you're very intelligent which in part why we feel this way. We know enough to understand the futility in it all. I wish I had better answers for you on how to deal with it, but I just try to distract my mind. If I'm laying in bed with those thoughts (as it often occurs) I will put on some KZbin video (even if I'm not watching it, or even fully listening to it. As a distraction it helps). I don't know if that's a great solution, but it works for me (in the moment at least).

[@jack-j7k]

dude ur literally so amazing and you help so many ppl out, please don't end it you're such an amazing person, there's so much life you have left to live your still so young

[@travis_fallen5534]

I’ve felt similarly throughout my life but I hope happiness finds you. You deserve to feel good about life.

[@user-pb8it7sj7y]

Well done for avoiding the stuff and being happy for getting your dog a present. Listen to the best of your comments and ignore anything that is envious. Your doing ok and sometimes that is damn good enough. Life is not only about work, we rest , we play, we relax in and around nature and it is fully ok to enjoy. Grief is a part of life but we get up and keep moving, stay positive young brother.

[@user-hq6qu9ze4l]

If I look like you, I will definitely feel a hundred times better. Please don’t waste what you got. Happy new year!

[@adrianhempfing2042]

Physical beauty can be a blessing and curse. At the very least it can help with having more opportunities

[@yveshouel377]

If you have such thoughts,means that the pressure you're going through is too strong,too much fatigue, too much stress,growth and évolution can be a painful process,I notice little changes your face and morphology,for a few days,probably you undergo fast physical change,a process Linked to your low mood (the season doesn't help)..look for help if ye feel it necessary,don't let bad ideas bring you somewhere unknown.Hold on,Matt,and above all,don't feel guilty,you're very strong dude,given all the tragédies you got through,peace of mind,my boy❤❤❤❤

[@HalfViking]

I agree - given all your challenges - you have found your destiny - live youtube broadcasts - with discord memberships

[@dannyfearn2694]

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Please try to stop the drugs as they can really affect your mood more than you realise and it can really creap up on you. Try to set yourself some targets you can work towards and keep going. It may help as well to talk to someone about how you are feeling, not to get 'Happy pills' but just some support as it can really help. Whatever you do, please stay strong and know that people do care about you.

[@DJ51011]

Hits the nail on the head again. Depression can sneak up on ya too. I found myself about to say fck it! But so glad I didn't and I enjoy now what I once hated. Fearing failure is much worse than failing itself and You are king now so you are proof that it can be beat! You are awesome guy!!!

[@MarcoAntonio-ib7rs]

Matthew, you are beautiful inside and out. Every day your words in your videos cheer me up and I want to be close to you and spend hours and hours talking to you! You are very special to me and I love you very much! I am with you in my thoughts! Don't give up!❤❤

[@tylaperryer]

Stay positive. Things will improve soon. I promise. ❤

[@mxttthxw]

Tyla Thank you

[@Dragonmoon1598]

Okay . . . Your primary focus seems to be:Family (including your dog), work, KZbin, the gym. Awsome . . . If those things are bringing joy into your life, then great. If you feel like you need to expand your life experiences, then make a list of things you've wanted to try, do, or learn. A reverse bucket list. Pick one, maybe two things, and see if they add more joy to your life (probably give it a week to a month. Rarely is something brand new exciting right off the bat. In the context of learning). Regarding the "dark' thoughts. Talk to someone you trust. Obviously, I don't think you would follow through. But, it could help you get some perspective. The key is understanding why you feel this way. Like you said, it's easy to focus on the bad. But, maybe refocus and try and figure out what will help diminish that thinking.😁

[@mxttthxw]

dragon, I cannot tell you how much your comments have helped me overtime. I mean, this is an absolutely great idea a reverse bucket list. It’s just I do not have interest for much things inside of this life. However, there have been a couple things I’ve wanted to try, but I’m just never done. I think you are correct.

[@randyneely209]

I've had those thoughts too, and still do at times. I'm 62 and retired now. You have to make yourself happy. I get it, it's hard. In order to be loved, love yourself first. In order to forgive, you have to forgive yourself first. However, I personally feel this is part of your calling, to help others. Don't Give Up! YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON!!! 😊🙏🏻

[@anderson49anders]

Best advice I can give Matt is to go talk to someone experienced talking to people with your concerns. This is top priority and likely needs to be done today or in the morning. Talking to a counselor face to face irl is the way. Let us know how you get on. ❤

[@johnramirez2768]

I always listen and watchto every video that you upload, and always keeping this feeling deep inside, no one have to know it , no one , but I just know no one have to know it but me.

[@ajwells322]

If you broke your leg, you would go to a doctor. Please don't ignore your mental health. There's help out there. They probably have free counseling at your college. Take care friend!

[@Steinweg100]

Dragon said things far more compassionately and pragmatically than I can and is a rock to us all :) I pray you have enough peace to live with, and rediscover yourself

[@PhilDapple]

Matt reality sure is a slap on the face. PTSD is real! KZbin put a disclaimer on your video with a number to call. You should use it!!

[@rutha1464]

I urge you to talk to a mental health professional today, immediately. Life is precious and good. But you have to live long enough to learn that.

[@IshvaraGodCazimi]

Even if I got really rich all of a sudden I’d still experience suic thoughts and depression anxiety and loneliness also u would have to be on constant alert around people do they really like u for you or do they like your money or your looks !!

[@IshvaraGodCazimi]

Also severe depression anxiety and loneliness at times

[@michaelk5007]

Matt, as a parent of 2 high school drop-outs; one who is back in college ... what really makes a parent proud is that our children treat people with respect, and are able to live within their means, Yes, the rest of the stuff like a better salary, higher education, and being useful to society all add onto the cake, but if you can give your folks a sincere hug and be respectful towards other people then we want you in our crowd. My son uses the wacky tabacky daily (legal here) and it is not a source of pride - the dog sweater, sharing love - much better. Please tell me that you have chosen one listener to be your online friend. I remain available to listen or play a few games. My son is nearer your age (27) and he games. My daughter (24) is working towards social worker for the homeless. We're NorthEast of you, with some great schools everywhere ... damn ... maybe ask your church for a mission if your Grandfolks will help. MANY people find themselves by losing themselves, lol, seriously. Patreon - I'd consider $5/month while you blog about a volunteer journey away from home. If you ask for contact you will receive. Of not me, please, please, choose someone for a dialogue. I'm not worried about your dark thoughts yet. You are young and looking for a direction - this is common. I don't want to drag this comment on. What you feel is real, but not unique. The Lord said he won't give you more than you can handle - but he never said that you have to do life alone. John 14:27

[@jeremifrancisco1]

Hi there again. Please, do what you can with what you have. There’s no real way to do this thing we call life. I know exactly what / how you feel. Don’t put pressure on yourself. It would just make it worse. One step, one day at the time. Let this new year new bring some kind of hope. I’m applying this myself and to be honest, I don’t want this feeling to go away. I wish I could put you in this mindset. You can count on me and the others who come to watch your videos every time you upload. Please, hang in there and practice your phrase ‘stay positive’.

[@northernhighlandmist1478]

I believe what you need is intuition. You seem to use your (logical) mind too much - of course you'll stumble because logic is limited. To discover your natural compass / intuition can be tricky, you could unlock it via various ways of all spectrums: life hardship, chill tea time, intense journaling, deep dream, etc. One similarity among those activities is you're using your mind LESSER than usual. More actions, more feelings, then see what comes up from the deep. My 2 cents, good luck. ☯️

[@donwilliams4444]

Ugh wish I could talk to you fr. I can definitely relate. You are too good of a guy, more than you realize trust me.

[@mxttthxw]

Don thank you so much for being here

[@JoshLooperMusic]

The new year brought thoughts and sadness of things lost in 24. As an older person having lived this same feeling for over 20 years I can tell you my advice; gather people around you. Date,hang with friends and make new ones if you can. Keep that around you and you will feel belonging at least to someone and a group that like you for who you are. I lost all that due to circumstances beyond my control so I’m faced with starting a new life completely. New town, job friends everything. So try and figure out what you want to do for a living and surround yourself with like minded folks. That’s my two cents anyhow ✌🏻

[@CarlYoungII]

Therapy is a useless waste of money. I wish I had found your channel first. I'm still paying off my therapy bill. It was $110 per 45 minute session and I had it for 8 months to help with my suicidal ideology. Until one day I came across your channel. I was like wow there are super cute ppl out there that can help cheer you right up and they don't even have to be in your city. Sometimes living to another day to see what you'll post next gives me hope. Reaching out to your community gives you hope Matt!!! You're doing great. I love seeing you on my screen. Keep it up my boy!!!😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

[@ajwells322]

They might have free services at his college

[@mxttthxw]

Carl, thank you so much for this my brother I seriously cannot tell you how much you mean to me. You are so amazing and I love seeing you inside my chats and seeing your comments you are so amazing.

[@edwardsofin3593]

I treasure the finding of your channel. I look forward to your presentations. It's not possible to be physically close enough to you to hang out with you... but maybe sometime in the future. I just wish I could just give you a big hug. Stay strong young man. Watching you be strong helps me be strong and at my elderly age being strong is alot of work. Maybe much of my comment is "me" oriented, cannot help that. Everyone in the world is a "me". Be strong for those around you. Be strong for us that cannot be around you. Whether you know it or not... you are a very uplifting person, seemingly put here to be a leader. Your following on utube apparently sees you as a leader. All the best to you, looking forward to you next presentation... Sincerely.... CHEERS!

[@edwardsofin3593]

Lov you Bro...

[@DJ99777]

Keep striving dude. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The world needs kind people like you in it. You’re smart, articulate and handsome, you can go anywhere you want to in life. You might not know why you’re here yet but you’ll figure it out.

[@TimothyHyer-e4s]

"Don't give up on your story. Don't give up on the people you love. Hope is real. Love is real. It's all worth fighting for." Matt - again, your life is a book with many intertwining stories. Some chapters are sad, some chapters make you laugh, and some chapters are spell binding that keep your attention. You're only 19 so you haven't even gotten through must of your book. Keep reading because your book has many happier chapters and many happier pages. Remember Matt not only are you reading the book but you're also the author. Make it a happy ending because each of us is reading your book. We all love and support you.

[@roystapp8407]

I really hope you feel better about yourself soon. I personally love hearing your voice & listening to your banter. Live stream or not. Wondering what topic is next. Whether you know it or not you help so many of us by sharing. Maybe that's your purpose. For now at least. Help others by engaging in conversation. Keep on being you. You DO make a difference!

[@magjacstories3945]

The world needs you. That is why you're here. You won at the lottery of being born. Stay strong, because you are. Otherwise you wouldn't have shared this.

[@kimroe91]

Hi Matthew☺️I understand what you're talking about, 100%. I'm on antidepressants myself due to depression. Just remember that you are good enough just the way you are and you are wanted. You have someone who loves you. You are strong and you are here on earth for a reason. Everything in life has a meaning I think. But I understand your thoughts and I think a lot like you myself. But know this, you are not alone and you are so much stronger than you think, just hang in there❤️

[@mxttthxw]

kim, I cannot tell you how much this comment means to me. Thank you so much for helping me feel less alone in this crazy, crazy world. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you.🖤

[@SEDGE2024]

Matthew, I am much older than you but like others commenting I am worried about you. I wish I could be that somebody you could talk to but honestly I am basically a guy just going day by day not knowing what each day will bring. When I was your age I went through the same thoughts and actions you are going through but one day changed my life. I finished college still not knowing what path to take with a job to get what I need to move on. The job services in college helped me get my resume ready and within two days I got a call for a job much higher than I ever expected. $45 an hour starting pay and way more an hour now after being there 25 years. I got this job because I hung in with college and my life. I have told you before you are smart, good looking and a healthy guy that will do good in this world. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not think too much of the kind of thoughts mentioned in the title. I know you are smart enough to seek help and not do anything stupid. I have dealt with enough people in my life that chose to end their lives. Great! they signed out but hurt their family and friends beyond belief with the selfish way they did what they did. We all know you love your family and care too much to hurt them.

[@Th3_Tr4ns_B34n]

Matt. Pls don't commit we are here for you. It may not feel like it but we are here. AND I FOUGHT BACK KMS LAST NIGHT!!! ARE YOU PROUD!!???

[@mxttthxw]

i am so glad we are here bean please never leave

[@ZoomerTwinkk]

We love you being here! You're wonderful :) (and very handsome)

[@woodsie5474]

If you want help, I'm willing if you answer back. I'll drive to where you are and assist keeping you alive. I really wish you'd quit weed. My brother used all the time, and his life just fell apart because of it. You really need help, and I could tell that from the beginning when I subscribed. You sound so much like my brother.

[@TimothyHyer-e4s]

Here's a hundred reasons to make you smile.

[@adrianhempfing2042]

W dono

[@IshvaraGodCazimi]

It’s not that easy even money wouldn’t help it didn’t help Robin Williams

[@mxttthxw]

tim my brother thank you so much for this. You were the most kind human being. I really hope 2025 is treating you well I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have a brother by my side like you.🖤🖤

[@KeithAlmond-j7r]

“ I tried before too tell you to call a mental health center. I’m not a doctor but. I can tell you my experiences. I take mood stabilizers. And, they really help. I’m not happy but, I’m contented. I imagine you could try therapy or meds to see if they’ll help but that’s up to you it’s hard to take that first step ,do some research to see what they have in your area. It sounds like something’s really wrong. Cause if a dog doesn’t bring you joy. Than something must be wrong. Case my last dog brought me great joy! I hope I don’t sound like I’m preaching. But, I’m really concerned about you. Always your friend, - Keith❤

[@jimv2094]

Hello my man, great video, i have to say you do worry me my man , what with this video, and the one about you funeral, its very worrying, please don't ever do something stupid or hurt yourself, your a beautiful person you are a sensitive soul and have a big heart, and depression and sadness is the price of having all that, i do know how you feel, ive had suicide thoughts for years, and still do, ive even gone as far as to think about where i would like to be buried, or my ashes scattered, but i know its no good in the end, people with big hearts like you, are always modest about themselves and don't like to blow there own trumpet, thats why you don't feel your achieving things or your failing, but take it from me who loves you so much, your doing amazing things, and you collage learning is something to be really proud of, its very hard , and you will be amazing at it, and you have helped me so much with your videos, and hundreds of others, so be strong my man , your doing great, and don't let anyone tell you different, and anyone who makes you feel that way is just a energy vampire, i love you so much my dear friend ❤ XXX.

[@johncalla2151]

I'll say a Rosary for you Matthew. I think a lot of us are struggling with anhedonia these days for who knows what reason.

[@tigre7739]

You're absolutely right no one knows exactly how you feel except each our own selves, we can only share our similar experiences in order to hopefully help each other realize that we are not alone, and believe me I truly understand the struggle. I've known so many highs and lows, dark times and light, and I'm sure a lot of others have as well. I never went to a therapist, and I'm not saying that maybe I couldn't have benefited from it, I just felt that it just wasn't right for me, and that there wasn't anything that God and I could not handle together. I did take medication at some point years ago, that my primary doctor prescribed, but I really didn't like the way it made me feel personally, I mean it might have made me feel better in the short-term, but then I always felt worse at some point. That doctor was not pleased with me at some point, when I refused to take any more, but it was my choice I felt. I'm not saying that it may not be beneficial for some people but each person has to decide that for themselves. I did, light a lot of us do, try other things here and there , just to zone out, or numb, or whatever you want to call it( nothing ever to any great extent or time though),!but that too is just temporary really, and risks complicating or creating even more problems. I think I finally realized that the highs and lows will still come, but for every low, or dark time that I get through, that makes me appreciate the highs and lighter days, that much more. I do believe that finding and surrounding yourself if possible, with people who truly understand or even just genuinely care and love you no matter what, is the very best thing always. Please hang in there. Sending 🙏🤗

[@davidriedel5282]

This makes me sad. You're a decent, thoughtful person, and your subscribers love you, which should be clear from your livestream last evening. I hope you soon find your path to peace of mind and a life you love. Best wishes to you for 2025 and hello from far western Canada.

[@philhoward4466]

when lives were being handed out, they picked a difficult one for you. so you got it. don't give up on it. we need for you to stay with it. we love you. and, stay positive.

[@Timothyassorted]

Matthew you are a very strong hearted person you have to believe in yourself have faith that you can do and be anything you want if you put your heart into it to reach that dream you want but you have to believe in yourself . Nothing happens overnight buddy I also get depressed sometimes get anxiety especially when times are tough and feeling pain from your losses that is part of life we can’t change it. Listen Matthew I am always available to talk when you want to talk about anything. Like I said and others have said you should strongly consider seeing a therapist for psychiatric disorders I see one doesn’t mean you’re crazy to seek help for mental health issues. Matthew you’re great kid please make the right choice don’t let your mind run wild and take over I love you and your videos I see how much if an inspiration you are to everyone watching even me brother and I am an oldman we all can learn something even from the younger generation you happen to be one of them younger generations to learn from. You can do this stay strong Matthew and you will be fine and okay have a good night with sweet dreams tonight and every night my friend ❤😊

[@TheIlluminateFairy]

I just saw the titles of your previous videos and those are the emotions I have been feeling lately as well I think we are on track

[@hugobyrne]

Please talk to someone you trust:) we all have struggles and remember your not alone

[@ジェシーウォルター]

Hi Matthew, you’re important, and things can get better! Just take it one step at a time!

[@mxttthxw]

you are an amazing brother 🖤

[@Thesmellofrain-h6o]

You are great Matthew! Thanks for sharing.

[@TheAnthonyjames]

Completing tasks or projects give us the feeling of accomplishment and pride. Do what makes you happy. I sprayed painted McDeath on the front of one franchise and that made me happy. Cop caught me and took me inside. Unhappy. Manager accepted my apology and let me go. Back to happy. 9 to 5 is not for everyone. Neither is 2 yrs less a day. Colonialism sucks. At ease and carry on my friend.❤

[@mycontentzone396]

U good bro be patient with yourself and keep fighting

[@stevencyrus3659]

Hugs to you bud, keep going and stay positive 💛

[@mxttthxw]

🖤

[@scott7349]

I love you. You are loved. Be sure to love yourself.

[@HalfViking]

Hi Scott - amazing video you have done - tell us more about your life - maybe Matthew can grow from what you have experienced? Chris

[@geditt1907]

I’ve been through what you have but I found peace with myself

[@BrianP-bh1vo]

Matt, I love you (not that way). If you hurt yourself, you re going to feel my wrath and YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT!!!

[@s3i284ufj5]

if someone is saying something like that, wouldn't it be in your best interest to talk to them and ask how they're doing personally? if i were the poster, id find these "positive" comments meaningless please talk to me i need a connection not a youtube comment

[@BrianP-bh1vo]

@@s3i284ufj5 , how can I speak to him personally?

[@s3i284ufj5]

very similar situation here i think the big problem here is a lack of human contact when you just sit and do nothing all day for nearly an entire year, nobody talking to you at all, the negative feelings build up you make efforts to socialize and make friends, nope. nothing. no success you get rejected in one form or another, which then makes you receed into isolation more. negative feedback loop I'd like to blame it on people themselves they see someone who is visibly sad or lonely, you make an attempt to connect: they reject your attempt at socialization and try to stay away from you as much as possible for what? if every single person they meet responds in such a way, do you really think going through that negative feedback many many times is beneficial? its clearly going to lead to them wanting to respawn like its a video game I'll probably be in this same situation but even more severe in the coming months 😊😊😊😊😊😊🙃

[@adrianhempfing2042]

Hopefully being part of Matthew's channel and being in his livestreams if you can might help to some degree. But yes current society , lack of community in many places isn't helping the situation

[@IshvaraGodCazimi]

There’s a chance this realm is a soul trap

[@williamclements1844]

Don’t give up. Whatever you’re going through isn’t worth ending your life.

[@johnconway4161]

Hi Matthew great video and I just finished watching your live stream and great live stream

[@mxttthxw]

John, I really appreciate you, my brother

[@Atkreality]

Man…Sigh* I don’t got much to say but I’m on the same boat. I can’t say counseling/meds will work for you but it’s worth looking into. This life is hard enough and it’s easy to think about quitting, but there’s people in life who need you. Your FAMILY too. Think of all the hardships and loss your family endured. If you’re gone, imagine how devastated they’ll be. They’ll ask if it was all for nothing. But you’re a strong guy. Thing is, it usually gets worse before it gets better but you’ll look back one day and be proud you kept going! I don’t have much to offer you. I’d do anything to help but I’m struggling w/this too. I really do care about you and you’re one of the reasons I go online now. You’re close to 10k subs, you got this!💪

[@AlyssaGable]

I feel so bad for you and I hope you feel better

[@JudyFlaherty-y5l]

Stay positive ❤

[@mxttthxw]

🖤

[@JudyFlaherty-y5l]

@ You’re making a positive impact on so many people too simply by what you’re doing with your channel! ❤️

[@mxttthxw]

@ this means more than you think thank you sm for being here

[@JudyFlaherty-y5l]

@ ❤️

[@emanuelemelillo6785]

Hi Matthew, I was feeling worst than you can understand what you means for that I suggest to go to a psychiatrist because sometimes psycotherapy isn't enough. You have to be brave but you are brave and you have to decide if you want to feel better or to continue to suffer. In my own experience i can say the psyichiatrist and the medicines and a talk every week with a psycholigist( I don't know if i have written right) helps me a lot and It takes me time to make this decision but I can really affirm it was the best decision i could have made. In this life we have to love ourservelves for first and i hope you love you more and do the right choise. I suffer to see you suffering.

[@lloydhollins3802]

Hi! Matthew, Life is a Journey!! A Learning Journey! We all here for a reason! I ask myself the same question what am I doing here! I'm here for someone or somebody! This channel of yours is here for you and for us! You are getting your therapy through the comments! We all here to help you like you helping us! A Prayer for you and Family! Stay Strong and Positive!! Always!🙏❤️🌟Thank you for helping me! Me and All of us Love you and here for you bro!! POSITIVE is the word!

[@Comeback-k4y]

My man, i hope that you live until you be 100 years old . . Very sad that youtube said that this video is very dangerous . . My friend matt, all i can say is "cheer up" don't be depressed. Live actively. Meet people. And keep streaming please😊

[@tbecon]

Hi Matthew. I keep hoping that all of the good things you are doing would build some momentum and lift your spirits and build your confidence. I do not really understand your situation of course but I do empathize to the extent that I can. Maybe at this point you should seek professional help to find a strategy for healing. You are a good, worthy person and so many people see that but your self esteem is all that counts so if you need a real therapist to assist with that, PLEASE seek it out, there is nothing wrong with doing that. ❤

[@mxttthxw]

beacon, thank you so much for this my man I have definitely been considering some kind of professional help however, I don’t know if it cost money and I’m just not too sure how it would help

[@tbecon]

@ there are programs to help if you’re not insured if you are insured the insurance will take care of it. Therapy has many approaches to help you cope and then heal, seek out the one that works for you. I know you are trying hard and therapy is just a resource for you to harness to supplement your efforts or to help your efforts to be more effective. My heart breaks for you and I will continue to root for you. PS, there is nothing wrong with you as a person, this is not a failure of yours, depression affects a lot of people and is often a chemical imbalance, we all fight the battle we just do it differently and there is more than one way to deal with it as it manifests itself uniquely to each person.

[@Pravda224]

Bro, you got this and stay positive.

[@mxttthxw]

[@Pravda224]

No, Live tonight?

[@SquidamusPrime]

parents would be mourning everyday due to their lost child and wish they could see them again but they can’t?

[@chuckgray9058]

You seem intelligent and articulate, probing the philosophical/metaphysical. I see a progression of videos from you that indicate a sense of growing dispair, and wish I could help. My mother (RIP) was bipolar and twice attempted suicide (fortunately she failed at it). I'm 64 yrs old and see a little of my (younger) self in you. I can't advise you more specifically. Have you considered counseling from someone you know and trust? Suicide is irrevocable and permanent - keep that in mind.

[@donwilliams4444]

Much love fr❤❤

[@mxttthxw]

[@AlexS-m9l]

Matt, you don't know how much I understand you. I have been in that situation frequently during my life. Please keep talking to us. We are here to accompany you with your issues because we really care about you. I dare to recommend that you talk in the same way with a professional who has the experience to help you organize your ideas and emotions. I know that your family experience tells you that drugs or alcohol are not a solution. Please stay away from that. We love you my man.

[@IshvaraGodCazimi]

Even if I got really rich all of a sudden I’d still experience suic thoughts and depression anxiety and loneliness also u would have to be on constant alert around people do they really like u for you or do they like your money or your looks

[@HellHoKitty-s7d]

While many people might ask, 'What are you thinking about that brings these thoughts to mind?' I prefer to ask, 'What solution are you seeking when these thoughts occur?

[@philhoward4466]

God knows you can handle it. you will. don't give up.

[@erik0073]

Good change can be stressful as well. Life is weird.

[@mxttthxw]

true

[@andreamoreno3465]

8:02 Matthew, you are literally the reason I am healthy right now. Things would have been so much worse if you were gone. I may sound selfish in a way, but you literally saved me in multiple ways you don’t even know since I found you. You are such and amazing person. PLEASE dont attempt anything AT ALL. You deserve so much out of life. I dont think you realize how many people on this platform you have saved and have blessed with your words. Never forget how much we all love you. STAY POSITIVE. 🫶🏼🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[@mxttthxw]

this means so much to me