I Played CRUSADER KINGS 3 with ZERO STATS.. This is What Happened!

Download Battlesmiths NOW and start your adventure: battlesmiths.onelink.me/OnW0/....
Thanks to Battlesmiths for sponsoring the video!
In the world of Crusader Kings 3 in the 1066 start date, the world is full off brilliant and competent Kings, Queens and rulers! With great stats, wonderful traits and good educations, these rulers can easily rule their realms... but what if you instead were to play as a ruler with EVERY BAD TRAIT in the game.... and ZERO STATS in Diplomacy, Martial, Stewardship, Intrigue and Learning? Truly a ZERO STAT MAN... but can we turn him into a HERO? That's what we're going to find out today!
I will be starting as a custom made character with 0 in all stats, including some insanely bad traits like hideous and imbecile! My goal will be to take this absolute failure of a character, and still come out on top.. and become the EMPEROR of the BIGGEST EMPIRE in Crusader Kings 3!
Will Koifish be able to persevere despite having ZERO in all stats? Is Crusader Kings 3 simply to easy, and beatable with even the worst of characters? Only one way to find out! So sit back and enjoy this wonderful CK3 ZERO TO HERO adventure!
The question still stands... How did I go about it when I Became the STRONGEST EMPEROR with ZERO STATS in CRUSADER KINGS 3
#ck3 #crusaderkings3

[@Koifish]

Download Battlesmiths NOW and start your adventure: battlesmiths.onelink.me/OnW0/64seugda #ad *THE LEGENDARY ZERO TO HERO CHALLENGE?* Totally doable! And surprisingly easy! They honestly need a way to make Crusader Kings 3 more difficult, because in It's current state, you can do goofy things like this!

[@TungstenArm]

Ah yes, Count Doof von Doofus! He’s honestly a lot like me- just smarter, stronger, and better looking.

[@mohammadmamun4595]

fr fr

[@sein349]

Now let’s be realistic

[@DemianX6x6x6X]

the crusades in game actually being like headless chickens is kinda historically accurate in some ways

[@ItIsYouAreNotYour]

Except they didn't program it for accuracy. It's just dumb AI. The game does need to be harder. The reason it's so easy is everything is on a broad macro level.

[@katanah3195]

Yeah and that's why I love it. Historically the crusades were in fact clusterfucks, and the game, albeit most likely unintentionally, manages to portray that shockingly well for a game in which most combat is dead simple - throw enough soldiers at the problem and it goes away.

[@timon1298]

koifish really might be the most wholesome youtuber out there (hope he gets over his heastein addiction fr fr)

[@tomekczapnik1224]

WHAT???? noooo we need haeaesestein back!

[@noctusfury6918]

Koifish isn't the ONLY one with Haesteinn addiction. There's A LOT of people who enjoy playing him. Doesn't help that he's OP and has the perfect campaign for both beginners and veterans.

[@bernard832]

I was practicing intrigue because I usually ignore it and I found a new favorite strategy: Kidnapping. Give your culture Recognition of Talent, then abduct the strongest knights and most skilled counsellors in the whole world and they'll thank you for it.

[@molybdaen11]

You have only really played crusader king 3 when you abducted the pope.

[@bernard832]

@@molybdaen11 Also, seducing the pope to give your son a claim to the Papacy.

[@azrulashraf00]

​​@@molybdaen11 I have 1000 hours in the game but I never once abduct the pope. I still have a lot to learn.

[@katanah3195]

​@bernard832 I don't intentionally play female characters in CK3 as much as I used to play them in CK2 - and that was always only for devil children anyway (playing an intrigue lady and racing the clock to make head of Lucifer's Own before age 45 in order to do the devil child - always a fun time, involves lots of murder against fellow members to move up the ranks, once had to kill my character's own mother because she was high priest...) but seducing the Pope to take the title for my kid definitely sounds like a good time next time I get stuck with one and want the mama bear roleplay of getting my spares their own realms through their claims and my army.

[@johannsigursson5319]

That cultural perk is super strong even not using kidnapping so yes absolutely

[@upi556]

Wow you play by me

[@sebastian4507]

Damn

[@j.ackermann9110]

4:34 at this point the AI emperor should handle this like a player would - with murder.

[@sirnetflix7162]

they need to not allow players to get a council position so easily. Your liege should be able to reject your vassal contract changes depending on personality and opinion

[@Glorfindeld2]

" I don't want to be too mean, but this guy looks like your average twitch moderator" Pure savage. 10/10.

[@riche1601]

I’m glad you pointed that stuff out later in the video, I’ve been noticing it for a while now and it started to annoy me in my last couple playthroughs 😂 I think one of the big reasons is getting huge allies to fight your wars on a whim. Betrothed your fugly new born and low opinion child to some noble born and bam thousands upon thousands of men to fight dedicatedly and give their lives instantly with great loyalty 😂

[@moledaddy]

When your Learning went to 3 you became Herman's smart friend.

[@Pacers00]

Bro made me as a character and thought I wouldn’t notice

[@Algernonthecoolest]

-139

[@TheVincenzoGaming]

0:14-0:31 HE'S JUST LIKE ME (unironically)

[@rustlemyjimmys]

Huzzah the next ck3 challenge has arrived courtesy of the fishy one! I was playing a throw away Hastein campaign yesterday when the, now former, king of West Francia decided to murder Ragnar. I was enraged as he was a Gigachad, but instead of thinking WWJD I went with the WWKFD... The resulting great khan side revenge quest finally came to a end at 5:30 this morning... Can confirm our boy starts to look a bit ropey when he reaches 104 years old 😂 keep them coming bud, best ck3 content on the net!

[@carltonleboss]

Sounds epic.

[@mandinhapicles]

Play as African chieftess Daurama Daura and become the shieldmaiden Queen of Norway

[@stillcantbesilencedevennow]

Lol. Call it the "Netflix run". 😂

[@cheesecakeisgross4645]

Haesting takes a trip to the Maldives.

[@Pacers00]

0:24 got me CRYING

[@PraiseJ-Pope]

10:26 gaslight, gatekeep, gremlin

[@sizanogreen9900]

yeah... it is definitly too easy. One thing I feel really helps is the "More interactive vassals" mod. All it really does is it makes direct *vassals who don't dislike their liege or are allied with them fight with them* in wars with their own levies, like was customary in the feudal system. That little thing makes it so that you have to pick your battles much more carefully, and big realms can actually project a LOT of power. It also makes it much harder to simply paint the map in your colours. Really I don't get why this isn't in the basegame.

[@carltonleboss]

Probably because it lags the game hard from my experience.

[@sizanogreen9900]

@@carltonleboss It works perfectly fine on my pc tho. And I have like 20 other mods I am running, some of them quite substancial. I mean my computer isn't bad but it also isn't a high tier gaming pc or anything so I don't think that is the real reason.

[@GeneralTotoss]

​@@sizanogreen9900 same, I cant play without more interactive vassals

[@philkim8297]

Yup I won't play without this mod

[@exador1337]

i guess the Haesteinn withdrawal is catching up to koifish... poor lad.

[@faintjoey7016]

The hardest thing about CK3 is actually enjoying the game, I hope they add an enhanced difficulty setting someday just to make the game somewhat challenging

[@j.ackermann9110]

The AI just needs to be improved a lot. At the moment the AI just reacts to the same events the player gets but it doesn't really have a "plan" or goal. The AI should roleplay (the traits should have a big impact on how it acts) but the more capable characters should be ruthless in achieving their goals.

[@samotter9509]

it always feels like 99% of the game is vassal management and preventing the realm from splitting which are the two least interesting parts

[@mortache]

The AI needs to be more involved, at least make AI activeness a setting if they want to cater to people with poorer computers.

[@bigflea11-ig8jr]

​@@samotter9509so it's identical to ck2 in that respect?

[@Soulvex]

make or find a mod that gives AI better armies and more gold and not the player.

[@katanah3195]

Neat, you put me in the game, thanks!

[@FoxxOBoxxO762]

Huzzah, le koi for my long car ride is blessed

[@HjalleCalibursChannel]

Om jag någonson träffade dig koifish, så hade jag tagit dig till pubben, du låter som en awesome människa att hänga med!

[@ragnarrskulkrew6232]

Merry Christmas Koifish!!!

[@mbgamer3189]

From the Roman Empire in the year 867 start date.

[@DemonKingBadger]

So, he basically created my DnD character whenever i have been forced to roll stats.

[@fingranger4470]

You should try to conquer all of Europe as a weak count. It would be interesting to see. You would probably need multiple lifetimes to do it but it would make a great video. And if you do it, think about creating a special European empire, so if you have a disastrous partition succession crisis you can at least keep the over all realm together. I have also been thinking about doing this but it would be fun to see you do it too. Merry Christmas

[@PraiseJ-Pope]

2:35 aww look at count Koifish, what a great image!

[@arkadiuszrenc1498]

Eccentric trait is actually very good

[@kaidenhall2718]

Just like real life

[@dewantoandoko9207]

What a positive outcome from this experiment.. ❤

[@umutoruc3936]

Actually Crusade in CK3 is super accurate if you do your research. Absolute mess in both real life and Crusader Kings 3 French not listening to anyone and getting stack wiped then people escaping even though they have a chance.

[@jasonwhite6159]

Use intrigue to break all of Europe down to 1 and 2 holding realms; no kingdoms no empires

[@leburger5160]

I'm pretty sure Koifish already done something like that. When he went on a murder spree and murdered the entirety of the Karling dynasty...

[@darthfishis]

I do love that Koifish is just Hastings with fish head.

[@BradlyClarke]

Best wishes

[@Andersnissen362]

You are funny as hell🤣🤣🤣

[@furretthefuzzynoodle3896]

Is this where Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz begins his lineage?

[@potatoCris]

Representation. ❤

[@Takayama-sama]

And here I am not even able to form the kingdom of Norway…

[@bey0gluuYT]

Hurraaaa!!!

[@tophatowl6724]

"I want you to imagine a very special person with 0 in every stat" Well of course i know him, hes me

[@youngdonkey]

The hard part feels like keeping it all under your player heir for the next life until primogeniture

[@muxecoid]

I like how battlesmiths advertizing sounds like something very negative when Koifish accent is used.

[@Predator20357]

Ah yes, the first person of the Habsburg Dynasty

[@rexcert3569]

I’m really happy you are representing the average Frenchman ❤

[@favre4ever39]

Does he also sniff seats after his Bald king sat in the chair too?

[@unowno123]

The mind of koifish will always scare me

[@YunsAvatar]

One important thing was not accomplished. He was not made a saint. You need to come back and either accomplish that or have his line continue.

[@deathbutt4496]

Yesssss

[@drphilsrightnut2291]

Next Haesteinn playthrough maybe unite Italia, then you could go for the roman empire after that

[@leroiratonus]

PLS GUYS WHAT IS THE MEDIEVAL LITTLE MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND IN ALL HIS VIDS ??? Thank you :) Love the content !

[@uzeyirtuzen5606]

He is just like me fr fr

[@bitzarre4549]

im scared to know how many times Koifish had to record this video

[@Doberdobax]

Shouldve called that bloke Orochi cause thats a whole ass villian

[@Diddermis]

Do the "Mother to us All" Achievement

[@user-pv3nh5rd1m]

Are you saying that scheming your way into a position of power, and then using your new status to put your dynasty on the thrones of other nations, and then using your position as dynasty head to claim those titles, is broken?

[@PraiseJ-Pope]

Nooooo waaaaaay

[@itspvpdevil]

Wow, he plays me but in game..

[@daxxad6]

Play as heastinn, conquer coast of poland, create jormings holy order, conquer poland lands but recruit polish nobility who owned previosly (own Krakow as capital holding or any other that has best holdings) create Poland, create hybryd norse-polish culture, reform faith to slavic-norse, use norse units with the best konni unit. Aqurie all poland lands and grand them to well know polish nobility such as Piast dynasty. Play tall and end game when you win crusade againts your norse-slaving country and faith. If catholics start it, otherwise do any challange you think you can like conquer Scandynavia or Itally or think will be fun to you and us.

[@oliversmith1518]

The games easy when you know almost everything about the game

[@Soulvex]

Play as King Ælla and Execute the Son's of Ragnar :)

[@Derna1804]

Black Adder: CK3 Edition

[@Philipp.of.Swabia]

YOOOO WHY YOU MAKE HIM SWABIAN DUDE, THATS AN ATTACK ON THE SWABIAN BLOODLINE YO !!! 😂🤣💀💀💀

[@fabianauer1986]

It isnt. The weakest swabian still is the strongest emperor!

[@duke_vdun]

@@fabianauer1986that Is very true. Swabians are definitely the finest of Gods creations.

[@Philipp.of.Swabia]

@@fabianauer1986👌🏻

[@callum105]

he look's like a gremlin😂

[@palewraith2247]

wow he is literally me fr fr

[@hoyinching9313]

I love zero stats video

[@alatamore]

I laughed way too much about the "Mike Hawk" joke...hahaha!

[@brunosargaco822]

Going to post this question for the third time on Koifish videos, who knows : - song name min 11.55?!

[@corvus1374]

What does With the Tress mean?

[@user-pv3nh5rd1m]

In the game it’s a lock of hair given to you by a woman.

[@Huzai9]

All the mp games I’m in ban murders because they are too easy to pull off

[@vargknight]

What I don't understand is why the AI for crusades in CK3 is so much worse than it is in CK2. In 2 they would actually work together somewhat and you could see what they were trying to do even if it wasn't the optimum strategy. In 3 they literally just wonder about all over the place rarely even staying long enough in one place to siege it down, I don't get why it got so much worse between games

[@leburger5160]

I wouldn't say the game is too easy. Its more the fact that the AI isn't very smart. They often take the dumbest approach to any scenario and that makes the game feel a lot easier than it actually is... For example, doing the heretical faith one county challenge inside an empire that considers you as evil is actually pretty hard. Its doable, but it IS hard. A lot of the difficulty in this game is tied to faith. If you're the same faith as everyone around you, it mitigates so much of the difficulty...

[@pjoterem141]

Im literally a kaiser now

[@Bigdohxp]

I'm happy for Koifish. Not only has he created a great video showcasing why this strategy works (and works in some constructive criticism). BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY. HE IS MOVING AWAY FROM HIS ADDICTION. Keep going Koifish!

[@idlsax777]

Hi koi

[@TheColombianSpartan]

Didnt know i was a playable character lmao

[@TCOHTN94]

Lost Hapsburg?

[@SilverVader5]

What mods does he use?

[@Toiletreaper942]

Balls

[@carltonleboss]

My name is Doof and you'll do what I say...

[@Quarks123]

Play Crusader Kings 2 for a real challenge

[@carltonleboss]

He's done lots of CK2 content.

[@aronsaparbek2992]

yoo first comment? Long time no see Koifish

[@Battery_Acid324]

Extremely early!

[@MeCrazy516]

i noticed something weird....if you do a female dominated religion....and marry the men off all over the place.....the religion seems to spread on its own over time pretty well....at least a lot better than trying to spread a religion (without taking things over) if its male dominated....my theory is that because you are marrying men of in matrilinal marriages to male dominated societies...the children seem to end up with your religion more often....i may be wrong though, but seeing my religion in places i was nowhere near is a bit weird

[@Quarks123]

it is like that. you pointed it ou correct. female dominated is powerful.

[@Carlos_cheh]

Honestly it feels like the game is complexe but far from complete

[@Soulvex]

To make this fair you should of been as drunk as possible :)

[@PraiseJ-Pope]

7:54 dumb and dumber medieval edition

[@renzo0273]

If he can make it to the top then so can i

[@gandhistoenail2664]

No don’t make it harder, I find it impossible to survive past 3 generations

[@emir7437]

Hello

[@orirotem2298]

Where is matilda

[@DrGrabAss.]

This was hilarious and great! I haven't seen anyone else try this. I would love a future video with this character and a new goal. From where you left off, try to create a perfect heir (eventually, obviously this guy will be long dead by the time you get there). So, basically an epic eugenics program from this low of a start. I bet you can do it by . . . 1212. EDIT: Perfect heir = Fecund, beautiful, genius, herculean, a 4-star education with no negative traits, and all while trying to keep your realm together.

[@joking2052]

Literally everyone just does this anyway? Thats the standard play style XD

[@crazy_serb669]

"Quite good" run around killing ur own army by runing over forts 😂

[@edocsil123]

anti-haesteinn

[@giantotter319]

It's pronounced Behr-own. Good video btw

[@ohNojames]

Dang Koifish going hard af on this game. I love it, and I think ck2 was kind of boring in comparison a lot of sitting around without being able to expand much…at least in my experience.

[@gordyrroy]

I dont think the game is "too easy". It actually is a very hard game for people who still have to learn the game. And you need at least a hundred hours of playtime to be decent in the game. I myself am 600 hours in and I still find myself learning mechanics I didn't know how they work specifically. So I think its okay to be rewarded plenty when you put in so many hundreds of your hours.

[@dunbass7149]

How it’s like the starter pdx game what do you not get

[@Oklahomie_Friendly]

Eccentric is a good trait tho I take it every time !

[@more17]

First like!

[@BrutalButtSlap]

I dislike this video calling me out like that

[@gsonrocky]

Early 🤗