I spent a day with ROMANCE REPULSED AROMANTICS

[@AnthonyPadilla]

come back next week for *I spent a day with PRO FINGERBOARDERS* ≡ ▸ open.spotify.com/show/5aOLuPenneHbhLh05fmkeu  ▸ podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-spent-a-day-with/id1550213250

[@toaster00]

Heck yeah!

[@rosyyae]

hi anthony!!! :)

[@yourlocalcanadian5854]

Next you should do spent a day with transgenders, it would be nice to see since there isn't much about us also good job on the vid ^^

[@aidanmakesstuff]

Hello Anthony!

[@esperanza254]

can’t wait!!!

[@fadliahahmad4553]

“Sometimes existing is exhausting” i love that quote sm

[@nsimba_777]

Sometimes? When is it not exhausting?

[@samsunguser85]

Couldn't agree more

[@oliviamiller-davis4667]

He should make merch with that on

[@elodiepollock7326]

Everyday bro xD

[@Linwhiteheart]

Let’s be honest right now existing is exhausting. You can be having the best day of your life existing will still be very exhausting

[@borderlinenocturnal6195]

Society needs to lose the perception that romantic love is superior to platonic love

[@holacomooduh]

WORD!

[@wannabecake1]

no

[@carolbaskin1857]

@@wannabecake1lol wdym no

[@kinny6823]

@@wannabecake1shut it

[@dorianlamb8824]

this

[@scrappykoko4871]

I love how there's a romance repulsed aro who is married and how it shows that strong love is not necessarily romantic

[@lexlovesblondsz]

True!

[@petraivic9501]

Honesty she was the only one who really didn't sound aromantic,it just sound's like she doesn't like the feeling of touch with another person.

[@Otra_Chica_de_Internet]

@@petraivic9501 fr, she's probably ace not aro

[@kuudere1428]

@@petraivic9501 and this change something ? Because like to be touched or not doesn't change you have or not romantic attraction . Aromantic is fell a little or not romantic attraction for others , like to be touched or not doesn't make you or not aromantic.

[@petraivic9501]

@@kuudere1428 well it changes everything. This video was made to explain what aromantic is and her statement made it not so clear. I respect her as a person and her way of expressing ,but I just think she is maybe asexual and not aromantic that is all,not sure way you feel triggered by my comment.

[@BJ_Freeplay]

aromantics? Being interviewed?! Being interviewed SEPARATELY from asexuals?! Hold up I'mma go cry for a bit brb

[@adele4763]

exactly lol there should be an aro-ace episode at some point

[@inspiringer6418]

Finally we aren't hidden through asexuality

[@nekuro5548]

I'm aroace but I figured the aromantic part out years before the asexual part and i remember being so frustrated because everytime i wanted to find things about being aro it was just exclusively about asexuality 😭 Still feel more connected to aromanticism so that never really stopped,,

[@gintokisstrawberrymilk]

RIGHTT

[@stonksboi69]

Ikrrr!!!

[@astrophysiciann]

aromanticism is proof that love is transcendent of romance. like madeline said, just because someone doesn’t fall in love doesn’t mean they don’t feel empathy

[@chapachuu]

Correction: aromantics can fall in love, just not romantically. I love my best friend, for example. I’d even sleep with them if they wanted me to, probably. I’m aro ace though, so I’m not attracted to them in any physical way. I grew to love them platonically.

[@onyxhydrangea]

@@chapachuu yes! And as an aroace, i say we can love in many different non-romantic ways. We can still feel adoration, attachment, care, etc.

[@danimolusco]

@@chapachuu I always thought aromantics couldn't fall in love, but from watching this video and some comments I'm getting the impression it's more about being uncomfortable with romantic gestures and ideas, like you could be aromantic and fall in love with someone after knowing them for a while and have a loving relationship that simply doesnt have romantic gestures? Sorry for the long comment, I'm just curious.

[@scotscub76]

Nik could 100 percent could be describing me.

[@chocolatemilk713]

@@danimolusco yea some I was confused a bit too like some of them sound like they really love falling in love and maybe even in a romantic way but their whole american culture prolly desensitized them with the meaningless gestures and what not portrayed kind building up peer pressure to date a lot ig

[@tanukkat4963]

Gentle reminder, not all aromantics think romance is repulsive / not real !! It’s just not for them. many of them do believe it exists,, but they have never felt it

[@cronchybo]

@@KombatGod no?

[@tanukkat4963]

@@KombatGod I don’t think that’s a thing, but it would be disrespectful to disregard someone’s feelings who isn’t aro and invalidate them

[@LCR10dogs]

@@KombatGodROMANTICPHOBIC?!/?:?

[@Sucharush31]

And all the Aromantics in this video seemed mostly opposed to physical touch and dating, which is not the case for many aromantics! As an aromantic I'm very fond of touch and dates with someone I'm attracted to, I'm just not interested in any long term romantic relationship of any kind.

[@changedmynamebcyallwouldnt..]

exactly! i enjoy kissing, hugging and dates. it makes me feel connected to them. the only thing that's different for me is that i just literally don't feel romantic attraction and i don't get crushes. it's always either sexual or plantonic.

[@sophisticated7368]

Anthony is probably one of the most respectful interviewers I have ever seen

[@jessicaharding1876]

He’s so respectful but asks all the best questions so we get to know the real details at the same time. It’s the perfect balance, it’s what makes it so great

[@monbub]

Ikr I love his videos!

[@loganmyers3491]

Yeah, he’s consistently great☝🏻

[@nintenho]

He’s hilarious

[@kconrad5893]

He’s super PC and liberal though. I’d call it pandering rather than actual respect. The dude is a self-absorbed narcissist. I mean look at him. The hair says it all.

[@chronicallydrew]

I love how passionately Madeline talks about their wife, it’s so wholesome. And when they mentioned hetero marriages having that “give it 5 years” mindset is so true and it’s honestly really disturbing for people to say

[@vilunar1598]

Omg wait is that a Boyfriends pfp!?!

[@hannah5310]

That mindset is something that gives me so much anxiety, I am very in love with my boyfriend, we've already been 2 years together, but I have a lot of intrusive thoughts that our relationship will change and not be so awesome anymore in a few years. All those sitcoms about unhappily married couples and all those people who say love goes away after a few years and then you're miserable and stuff. It's a really irrational fear, because I think our relationship is stronger than most (very good communication, lots of appreciation, talk about our feelings a lot, let eachother be themselves, ...), and I also believe that love can last if you put in the work and if you really love them for who they are inside, but I still get those intrusive thoughts.

[@Kotifilosofi]

@@hannah5310 love can still exist even if romance and desire died in the relationship. Many couples are like that and also happy.

[@hannah5310]

@@Kotifilosofi Yes, true, but when people say 'give it 5 years', they often mean the couple will only argue and not love eachother anymore after 5 years.

[@Kotifilosofi]

@@hannah5310 yeah, that's a depressing expectation. Just wanted to point out that that's not necessarily the end of the world ☺️

[@tjmj7996]

I appreciate how respectful Anthony is being and isn't being pushy or disrespectful in the slightest. Keep it up Anthony!

[@AxxLAfriku]

You dislike the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload? Are you just a h8er boi? I say see you l8er boi. Don't watch the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload anymore. Your dislikes are damaging my good good GOOD reputation. I am a superstar, dear tj

[@vera-whatsurdiscord]

yeah i like how i think corpse or dream were asked if they were recognized by their voice and when they didn't want to answer he just. okay, skip. no questions, no pressure - just a laugh and the next questions

[@rehobalint1100]

The ally, every ally should strive to be like

[@user-df6gp9el8h]

@@AxxLAfriku U just being a 12 years old kid right now

[@someonefromearth5231]

I know right! He is always like this with everyone. That's why i love him

[@ldive]

Being asexual or aromantic is really hard in such an oversexualized world.

[@vera-whatsurdiscord]

i really wish sex didnt exist. no more trauma and questioning, i really wish there was a better alt to making babies

[@ash-bruce-leemarshmallow6046]

So true it’s exhausting and harmful to people who don’t seek romance or sex

[@moe634]

Is asexual and aromantic the same or close in similarity? I’m genuinely curious.

[@elisabethwolf5008]

@@moe634 Asexual= do not feel sexual attraction Aromantic= do not feel romantic attraction. One can also be aro ace (aromantic asexual) =neither sexually nor romantically attracted to anyone

[@WRamos1775]

@@moe634 Not really. Assexual are those who do not experience sexual attraction, while Aromantic don’t experience romantic attraction; as I’m both, I can say it’s easy to be confused

[@binx414]

Anthony is literally better than most professional interviewers Dang thanks for 2.5 👏🏼

[@ilikeyt6882]

Fr

[@crispysquidoftheacidcats295]

Because he does his research and researches with care.

[@firewolf7108]

No. He is THE best 😌💖

[@noor-tb8ue]

better then BTS interviewers all they ask is "Who r u gonna collab with" 💀💀 sorey for off topic

[@sreka9460]

he is a professional interviewer. and a great one at that.

[@emschlef]

I totally get what Divinity was saying about platonic heartbreak. Idk if I'm on the aro spectrum but friendships have always mattered so much more to me than romantic partners, including losing them from your life.

[@R1209-s7y]

Me too! while friends around me have always thought “I want a boyfriend”, I didn’t. In the back of my head I’ve always thought I just want a best friend to always hang out with, i have close friends but they have other friends so they can’t often be with me and I’m very introverted soo I don’t have many friends

[@liranpiade4499]

Oof. I still feel heartbroken about some friends that I've lost. Especially one that I've lost through my own fault (my internalised transphobia was expressed against her). I care about the people that are close to me in my life. I want to share experiences with them. Meeting up with them and spending time together makes me happy.

[@arina4030]

fr

[@elisecode2212]

i find it so disrespectful when people imply or straight-up claim that just because you won't be heartbroken by the end of a romantic relationship, you won't experience any loss/betrayal/grief, or at least it won't be as bad

[@honeysquares]

Thanks for reminding me of something! So I don’t personally relate to this comment because usually my partner would also be my bff. The bff’s I have that matter more to me then a lover isn’t a overwhelming number. It’s kinda like 2-3. This reminded me of how some people would never do that as their partner is their one true bff. This also reminded me how different peoples desires in relationships can be. It was a breath of fresh air to see someone who wholeheartedly doesn’t feel like friendship isn’t necessary for romance in general. ❤

[@commentbot9510]

Her mint green hair looks so good with her skin tone

[@MonicaTekila]

she has aro hair!!

[@SilverFlame819]

Interesting that you think she has mint green hair. I totally thought she had pure white hair, and the green lights and stuff around her were giving it that glow. Now I'm staring at it like it's the damn blue dress. "Is that green, or white??" LOL!

[@rickthestic]

Well Anthony has hit both asexuality and Aromantics so I'm happy as shit

[@cloudyskye13]

I have the same background as ur pfp love it

[@ImMarz1pan]

Same. As an Asexual it's so hard to live in a world where everything is overly sexualised and I can understand how hard it must be for aromatics too as everything is romantised if not sexualised. The fact that Anthony makes these videos raises so much awareness to these things and that makes me so happy.

[@cloudyskye13]

Ya everything is always over sexualized even in the lgbtq community

[@rickthestic]

@@cloudyskye13 it's so pretty isn't it

[@cloudyskye13]

@@rickthestic ya it beautiful

[@user-ps6do9lu3n]

I could actually cry dude. I never expected to see aromantics get interviewed. It's so validating to hear other aromantic people's experiences. It's hard navigating life when all people expect you to do is date and get married and have kids. I'm a very tactile person and I like seeing romance, but I hate romance towards myself and I hate dating. I would love to see the romance positive aro side.

[@jana.b2772]

I almost cried too, I keep going back and forth with myself on if I’m actually asexual or not. And it was weird because I like seeing romance too and I once had a friend who everyone around me, told me I liked ( like romantically) so I got really confused but I kept denying it and the kept saying I did. But I don’t like romance towards myself and even recently I kind of freaked out (at someone’s advances). I don’t even like people touching me not even my mom. I always said that I view a relationship as friendship but you kiss each other😅. I didn’t really realize other people didn’t think the same until recently. I feel, how I feel all points toward asexuality, but something in my head tells me I can’t be just because I might want a marriage and/or children someday. But guess that’s not the case. (I know you might not care but I just wanted to share cause what you said made me self reflect)

[@user-ps6do9lu3n]

@@jana.b2772 ah I hate when people do that, it's like they try and force relationships. You could still be aro/ace though, the aromantics in this video even got married and I didn't even think that we could.

[@ExhaustedOwl]

Anthony has a video "I spent a day with asexual people" and that's a bit more focused on romantic ace relationships, if you're interested in that :)

[@ouui]

❤

[@evelina2205]

You can be akoiromantic:) akoiromantic being able to have or having romantic attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated/feeling uncomfortable when it is reciprocated it's like craving intimacy but being allergic to it alex felt awkward when they and sam began to date and become more intimate even though they had held strong feelings of attraction for them before dating; alex is akoiromantic.

[@AngelAllenson]

“That’s why you’re gonna die alone.” We ALL DIE ALONE. Death is a singular thing. You do not experience that with anybody else but yourself. We live and love with others but they do not come with us when we die. People who say this to those of us who are on the aro spectrum think we don’t LOVE and therefore are cold monsters and they get…angered? I don’t know. I’ve had people say that to me all the time and it used to mess me up until a close friend pointed out “we all die alone. so what are they talking about?”

[@kconrad5893]

Oh jeez. They just mean you’re never going to find anyone. You’re taking it too literally. 🙄

[@nowwhatwasthat4010]

@@kconrad5893 No some people actually say it and believe it. It’s a toxic mindset that pressures people into getting in relationships because they are literally scared to die alone.

[@nowwhatwasthat4010]

I hate when they say that so much. Like thanks for making my feelings feel invalid 😀 Sorry that I literally cannot find myself to be in a romantic relationship.

[@kconrad5893]

@@nowwhatwasthat4010 I think you’re delusional and naive pal. NO ONE who talks about “dying alone” means it literally.

[@socialistrepublicofvietnam1500]

We all die lonely and afraid, the only difference is that somebody else is watching you slowly die

[@idealyst8292]

"Name something worse than being single" Being in a relationship 💀

[@NocontextNocontext]

literally

[@love.him.forever]

Yes

[@brucewayne3608]

Is it true? Lmao I've been single whole my life

[@beckapeeters1360]

@@brucewayne3608 depends on the relationship. I've had a couple of relationships where being single was better than the relationship.

[@ayaaly2866]

Exactly 🤣❤️

[@Nice-ph1qu]

I sometimes feel sorry for that ceiling from which Anthony comes.

[@vera-whatsurdiscord]

rip all that fixing money

[@M_56612]

A moment of silence for Anthony’s ceiling 😔

[@bex3814]

Is Anthony a ceiling goblin...?

[@goodnightosaka]

Poetic

[@aubrey2680]

@@vera-whatsurdiscord kh we

[@chiedzawith2ds]

I'm happy they mentioned how therapists treat being aro. It's really sad that you could go to someone looking for help and leave feeling worse. Aromantic and asexual people face a lot of normalized conversion therapy mindsets. That it's a hormonal problem, or trauma, or xyz mental illness or in anyway something you should talk to your doctor about. Even my dad reacted that way when I came out. The aspec community is medicalised a lot. Lol Edit: I don't remember when I posted this, but I wanna add that my previous therapist suggested we "work on it" when I came out to her. If I wasn't sure of myself, I probably would've gotten conversion therapy or some shit.

[@alyssasandoval5409]

There is what is perceived as normal and anything outside of that box is considered abnormal and if it fits under abnormal, it's considered a psychological abnormality. "Abnormal psychology" is a class that is offered in college. What therapists do is find what is abnormal and find ways to treat it so the patient fits into the box of normal so it doesn't disrupt the status quo.

[@remixfantastica3151]

yeah, i usually scared to bring up being aro or ace to therapists bc of this

[@chiedzawith2ds]

@@remixfantastica3151 I told my therapist and... yeah. I'm getting a new therapist.

[@alyssasandoval5409]

@@chiedzawith2ds most therapists are like that. So, be mindful and clear with your next therapist that you don't want to feel "sick", you want to feel validated and proud of who you are.

[@theflowerhead]

But that can happen and we shouldn't make people feel like they shouldn't follow or seek medical advice, and be accepted whatever the outcome is/isn't.

[@yukis.763]

Making it clear, you don't need a "suffering meter" to be a part of the lgbt+ community. Absolutely no need. That kind of mindset is literally harmful and gatekeeping which is cringe.

[@squashylove]

yes!! thank you for saying this…it especially sucks because it’s so counterintuitive to normalizing experiences in the lgbtq+ community

[@Bbkntenn]

I am agreeing as someone who is struggling with crippling anxiety wich is mainly bc I haven’t told my parents I’m bi and I’m praying they don’t see it but anyways yeah if you like men you like men if you like women you like women if you like both you like both

[@crypticcryptid4702]

Madeline talking about their wife and expressing their love is so wholesome.

[@pvic6959]

I LOVE how they both communicate. I thought the example of wearing yellow is very clever. Like if you like someone, you gotta make some compromises!

[@spug9338]

Being a satanist is so wholesome

[@daichisawamura20yearsago64]

Frrrrrrr

[@troublesmcg]

@@spug9338 Yes. Yes it is

[@howtorandom7889]

Some would say romantic

[@emilijazilinskaite5134]

Can we just appreciate how much Anthony’s content has grown over the years. These videos make me feel less lonely.

[@uscman]

I’ve been a fan for 9 years! And I love this series.

[@rockmanbret9028]

Sorry to say this then. He's a horrible person. look up Mykie drama, he's with a horrible person and pretends she's innocent. Idk why this drama is disappearing.

[@Tesko91]

I was just... Ugh Love you.

[@A1ternat1ve]

I’m happy to see him educating people about it also glad to see a fellow 🇱🇹

[@emilijazilinskaite5134]

@@A1ternat1ve ❤️

[@savannahj6660]

Anthony: “You’re totally cool with being a rebound?” Nik: “Oh 1000%, thats like where I shine bro!” 😂👍🏼

[@dontcallmeblanca3594]

lmao

[@zsanettbodrogi5902]

I literally laughed out loud 😂😂😂😂😂

[@ves5657]

ME

[@nikhampshire]

Glad it resonates with some 🤣🤙🏽

[@britgaddis]

Facts

[@LemonAid65392]

The fact that Nik's dad thought he was gay cause he didn't want to watch porn with his old man ASTOUNDS me 💀💀😂😂

[@garrylarry890]

What the FUCK!

[@demonchildmina]

seriously 😭😭😭

[@combatwombats]

Adding that the "a" in LGBTQIA+ stands for asexual/aromantic. No one HAS to be part of the community! If an ace or aro person says they don't consider themselves part of the community, that's okay. But they ARE welcome there, and many do consider themselves part of the community. It doesn't have anything to do with suffering. It has to do with having a gender, sexual, or romantic identity outside of what is considered "normal"/"acceptable"-- and yes, often that does bring with it discrimination. Which ace and aro people can and do face. (See: people assuming aromantics are psychopaths, and thus dangerous or "scary". That is discrimination.) So if you're aro and you want to consider yourself part of the lgbtqia+ community, you can.

[@jordan5492]

Completely agree, it's so shite when other lgbtq people argue about whether aro and/or ace ppl are valid/"face enough discrimination to be considered one of us" etc. So many people will tell them "you're lgbtq - only cuz you're trans too, or only cuz you're bi too." Like ughh. Aroaces, aros and aces are fricking awesome & welcome if they wanna connect with lgbtq stuff.

[@remixfantastica3151]

yeah, this entirely!

[@meganversteeg61]

Exactly. Its like you can be deaf, but not part of the deaf community.

[@sadist8902]

Exactly! And just something related yet unrelated, even being antisocial (Antisocial personality disorder is the term for psychopaths/sociopaths now, especially in severe cases) doesn’t have to be scary or dangerous. We have a mental illness that we can’t help, but we can control ourselves to behave a certain way. I’m NOT trying to take away from the actual subject tho, just trying to stop some stigma for my own mental illness.

[@jadevobia4974]

Im aromatic but im bi also. Either way, u gotta deal w me haha

[@sophisticated7368]

I'm sorry but Divinity is such a perfect name oml.

[@vera-whatsurdiscord]

AGREE oml

[@comicaltuber]

@@vera-whatsurdiscord IKR!

[@JamItsOnline]

It's so badass

[@lillyvalak9254]

For a stripper

[@ghostlyvendetta]

It's so magical.

[@Krukmeister]

I still don't quite understand it but at least one thing I can agree with, society needs to fucking chill with this pressure of needing to find love, getting married and/or having kids. I see so many terrible relationships that exist purely because of the fear of being alone or just because it's so ingrained in their heads that this is the way to be. I know three brothers and the youngest one saw his older brothers fuck up their lives so bad that he's taking notes. He's fine being alone, and if he finds someone that's great but he's not going to rush in to a relationship anytime soon. Good for him.

[@aggable]

agreed! even outside of the aromantic context, people not in a relationship in general should be normalised! not everyone wants to spend their life with someone else, and thats okay!

[@leahflower9924]

Chill with the pressure of marriage or kids, biologys main goal is reproduction lol 😅

[@sina7256]

@@leahflower9924 oh be quiet please

[@narutofan4545]

Yeah at the same time you don't tell yourself there's nobody out there for you This is probably legit a mental illness lol

[@litinup]

@@leahflower9924 that doesn’t mean you should force me to be something I’m not

[@TheMsSimone]

Wow, I never knew there was a term for this. I’m in my 40s now but since I was a teenager I was more than content with walking this world alone. I even used to say I’m going to marry myself when I was little. I just didn’t see myself with a partner or life partner and I still don’t. After many failed relationships, I realize I’m happiest by myself. I dated because we are told that’s the normal thing to do. I was always made to feel shame for being this way. Not anymore ☺️

[@HelloKitty60621]

congratulations!! :))

[@jnx3d267]

The good ending :)

[@yamomma8560]

i love that for you !!! and you r so beautiful! u got ur happy ending. better than getting stuck with a man and kids cuz that’s what ‘society’ tells us. there’s so many people men and women who fall for that trap and just do what everyone else does everyday i’m trying to break away from that

[@aloeleaf]

I’m so happy for you:) I hope you have the best life possible 💚💚

[@tastyboogeryummmymmmm]

Its always nice to see older aros, goes to show that aromanticism isn't just a "phase" 💚

[@yngkdnited4620]

It's messed up how people call them a tease when they are the ones trying to hook up with them. Like bro, they are just hanging out with you as a friend, they don't want anything else

[@kateduggan2827]

This!!!

[@raqueldeshow9678]

This literally happens with all women. Aromantic or not

[@willowtr33s]

Exactly, and they don’t owe you a goddamn thing, y’all both consented to the one time thing unless it had been discussed otherwise.

[@breyonnasimpson1251]

Like the ultimate friendly flirty type without the end goal of wanting anything or even knowing what’s going on

[@WhoisIzsy]

I love how Madeline talks about their wife.

[@WhoisIzsy]

@@huracan360 How does that sentence not make sense?

[@WhoisIzsy]

@@huracan360 I still don't get it. Just tell me.

[@WhoisIzsy]

@@huracan360 Tell me how it doesn't make sense

[@WhoisIzsy]

@@huracan360 it makes perfect sense

[@WhoisIzsy]

@@huracan360 Just tell me how it's wrong then

[@ta_nya5240]

The way Nik says he doesn't want to "impede" on the queer community makes me sad. It's a typical case of feeling "not queer enough". People who feel like they don't suffer enough to have "earned" the label make me sad. "I'm not suffering the thing you do." But that's not correct. He doesn't hear the slurs associated with gay men, but discrimination comes in many ways. This strikes me especially, because that was me. I never felt like I had the right to consider myself "queer" until I was attacked with the first verbal slur. As much as it hurt, it felt like a "knighting". Like I had finally achieved a weird goal. It took me a bit longer to understand that nothing really changed and that I was still the same and that I was always a part of the community. It's not a competition of who has it worst. The only thing that matters is representation, so people will feel less alone and less like they need fixing. And f the gatekeepers. They can't tell you who you are, because they don't share your experience.

[@zachariz1490]

I always thought that being part of the lgbt+ community was just being part of another gender or sexuality. Never thought of it as "we suffer together if I didn't suffer I don't deserve to be part of it". That's pretty messed up to think that way. It kind of makes it sound like a masochistic thing where it's supposed to be about acceptance. I also never considered slurs like a bad thing if there is no bad intent behind. A bit of a stretch too but most of the time I don't really care about someone's gender. Why would I fucking care. If you got pronouns and I got it wrong tell me once and go next. I don't want someone's gender being their whole identity

[@Vixa_Jaz]

Agreed! A trans person will go through different struggles compared to a cis gay man. Everyone goes through different things and it’s not fair to place your value on how hurt you were.

[@veradrost9654]

I'm a bisexual white woman in a straight-facing relationship. Since it's so easy for me to dodge discrimination, I try to be a part of the community through activism and my vote, but I don't go around saying I'm a part of it nor feel a need to be at Prides or gay clubs. I feel very hypocritical about it but it also feels like there's very little I can do about it other than telling every single person I meet that I like women too, or straight up dumping the love of my life for a woman. Idk. It's a weird spot to be in.

[@bragemerkesdal6973]

I absolutely agree. if people in the lgbtqia+ community are gonna gatekeep each other and create division in what's already and underrepresented minority then how are we ever gonna make progress? we're just shooting ourselves in the foot

[@barbarabenuzzi2414]

Yeah I'm ace and I also don't hear slurs and aphobia that often, but 3-4 years ago I realised that it's because most of my friends are on the ace/aro spectrum, whether I didn't know it, they didn't know it or we found out after either of us came out to the other. (After all you gravitate towards those who are like you) While EVERY SINGLE TIME I ask an "allo-allo" person if they would break up with an ace or aro person solely based on them not "liking-liking" you, but still loving you to bits, they say yes. They say it's not normal. They say romance and the deed are part of a relationship. Then they correct themselves by saying infantilising stuff like "but I still think yours is the purest form of love". Like, that's oppression. That means not being comfortable being yourself in a world that was not built for you. That's the reason why I unconsciously built my friend group with a bunch of closeted aspecs like me. That's not equality or freedom.

[@devilsadvocate6381]

"have you ever dropped toast? Butter side down...that's heartbreak" 😂😂 that killed me out of nowhere

[@BriarandSpindle]

"You haven't suffered like I have". I think that's a really dangerous opinion of some in the LGBTQIA. Ace and Aro folk go through the same trauma of feeling like there is something wrong with them, just like any other LGBTQIA. They are both told that their sexuality/romantic preference is unreal and unnatural. Granted, aro/ace folk don't get denied services or face the same kind of discrimination but neither do a lot of LGBTQIA simply because they don't look like what "queer" folk look like in the media. I'm an ace lesbian and people always assume I'm straight so I don't face the same kind of discrimination that my bi, purple haired, tattooed, red lipstick friend does.

[@kingpuppet5881]

What does IA mean?!!!!!! I am sooo confused by it all now. I would really appreciate a kind education on it. LGBTQ! 🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧

[@Bambie6432]

@@kingpuppet5881 as I understand it: I = intersex, A = aromantic, asexual, agender

[@okay5483]

Being aro often feels like a curse to me. It makes things complicated and there have been many situations where I felt less human by bystanders saying things like “romantic love is intrinsically human” or at a concert where the singer said “we all remember our first crush” . I don’t see how aro people don’t suffer because of it. Cause all the ones I’ve met personally do

[@mathddv]

Also "you haven't suffered like I do" is also harmful because hopefully moving forward people within the LGBTQIA comunity won't suffer like the ones before them. That's the point : to make acceptance widespread so less people suffer !!!

[@vikusfikus4390]

I mean... no one suffered like you, because everyone has their own tragedies and pains in life. Gender, culture, personal stuff, accidents, beliefs and all that. It doesn't mean that someone's trauma is more or less valid. But I think those words mean, "not many people understand and relate enough to being excluded to something so big in our society". The concept of love, romantic love, is put on a pedestal and you just soak it in since kindergarten. Imagine never experiencing any of what you have been promised, while your family and friends do? So that could be applied to aro as well. Just saying

[@_Lunanella_]

Yes another black woman representing in aromantism. I love it! Divinity is awesome!! I can relate to her story so much. Being an attractive woman people expect you to behave/think a certain way and they project their desire onto you. So my borderline aro/ace identity is often denied by people telling me I'm confused, I just need to have sex one time, it's just a phase, etc. In their mind attractive = promiscuous, romantic, marriage, etc. Like all of that has to be something you do and its like bruh no. Stop.

[@slowfire2]

I think they might be projecting their desires and what they have been taught, on you, maybe? Like, they want you and you are just not available for that? Or like the most beatiful people are the ones to fall in love, have sex etc in movies and everywhere?

[@TheGodly]

Wait, you guys find her attractive? 🤮

[@slowfire2]

@@TheGodly I'm not attracted to women in general but yes she is beautiful. That emoji you used was over the top right out mean. So unneccessary.

[@TheGodly]

@@slowfire2 in my opinion she is not beautiful and my emoji was very necessary to express myself.

[@akanetori388]

@JP if you don't find her attractive, then don't make it sound like she's ugly? You are entitled to your opinions but please be respectful when doing so

[@xmalady9506]

not even 5 minutes into this and I’m sobbing; I’m not romance repulsed but this makes me feel so represented as someone who’s aromantic. so few people understand how to separate romantic and sexual and platonic attraction (as well as other kinds of attraction). there are so many ways to have a relationship without romance and it warms me so much to see how receptive and empathetic anthony is towards his guests. he asks all the right questions and seeing his guests have the opportunity to express those thoughts and feelings that no one ever asks us is so special to me 😌

[@joefunkinmama2157]

JACKSEPTICEYE’S DAD IS BEING ROASTED IN HELL LOLOLOL

[@emmaz3505]

Same! I've never related to something so much. The way they talk about being aromantic and their journeys just helps me confirm it for myself even more because it took me awhile to accept that I am aromantic/ asexual and not that something was wrong with me

[@lexi8379]

couldn’t have said this better myself!!

[@wxnnie3728]

I’m so happy for you! I hope you are living your best life :)

[@oofuwu2666]

@@joefunkinmama2157 And so will you.

[@ZenythGamingKitchen]

Can we talk about how GORGEOUS Divinity is? like she is soo pretty. her hair contrasts her skin and just ugh it looks so good, she is pretty

[@Tvgirlsolos4]

She is❤

[@Moondrache]

Yes she is!

[@holacomooduh]

thats what i was thinking too. i could literally listen to her talk all day long

[@jiderdanso2727]

Agreement

[@taradreams3]

I'm so thankful to Divinity for bringing up the fact that therapy can be harmful if they have no experience with aro/ace issues. I've seen a couple of therapists over the last couple years and when I tell them I'm aro they are very skeptical, like it's not a real thing. Therapists do not know everything! They can be helpful to talk to about some things or if you have a serious mental health issue, but don't take everything they say as gospel.

[@tstarr8314]

I also think people need to consider that, even if a therapist has done some research or had previous asexual clients, their experience may not match what you are telling them. Another comment listed about 5 different subcategories. The 3 guests had 3 different definitions of romance, intimacy, love, etc and 3 different set of preferences regarding relationships and physical touch. The therapeutic relationship is reciprocal - therapists need to be open to their client's experiences, identity and self-expression and not make assumptions, and clients need to be willing to disclose their experiences, identity and self-expression.

[@olliew9594]

I’ve always felt afraid to tell a therapist abt my asexuality and aromanticism cause of all this

[@lilimartinez3758]

I’m currently in school studying to be a social worker and I’m so glad that this is pointed out. Many times therapists can do more harm. Are there any suggestions or advice you have for someone working in mental health?

[@olliew9594]

@@lilimartinez3758 The 2 best things you can do is a) be aware that there’s going to be aphobic (anti people on the aro or ace spectrum) remarks in your education and keep an eye out for them and not allow them to influence your views and b) research more on aspec (people on the aro and ace spectrum). This ties into the first one because you HAVE to be educated on these subjects in order to recognize the points that are wrong. I personally had to go through a LOT to get through my internalized aphobia. You don’t have the motivation I do to get through your own aphobia, but you can still listen to us and educate yourself so you can acknowledge and help validate your clients experience and recognize that some tactics are harmful to us. It all boils down to love, romantic or otherwise, and sex doesn’t make us. Knowing this can also help allo (people not aspec) people because it takes away the expectation of relationships and allows you to put yourself first.

[@Felixia33]

I'm so happy that this episode exists, also that they're interviewing AroAllos, because mostly people tend to associate aromanticism with asexuality, and while a person can be both, it's not always the case.

[@maxemurderer]

My thoughts exactly. I love to see stuff about aros but as an aroallo it's always a bit disheartening when the aro ppl are only ever aroace

[@xzyriell]

As an aromantic who's possibly allosexual I agree!!

[@redpandashatecherries]

I wish there was at least one aroace person tho

[@wordforger]

Yep. I think the Aces came up with the term, but the split attraction model made it clear there could theoretically be aromantic people who were different sexualities. In the ten years since I discovered my own aro-aceness, it seems that the word has gotten out and those theoretical aro allos have discovered the term and formed a community as well. Huzzah for self-discovery!

[@nekuro5548]

Yeah, i remember when i first found out being aromantic was a thing and i immediately identified with it because I've been struggling with it for YEARS, but i didn't identify as asexual yet because i just. Never thought about myself in any sexual way ever so i had no clue yet. And i always felt kind of peeved when everything about aros somehow just seemed to focus more on aces. Rarely saw anything about alloaros even now, tbh. Wish there was more focus on them too, even if I know im aroace now

[@sierra_mist8852]

“Have you ever dropped your toast butter side down?” I felt that on a spiritual level.....

[@chickenfdisoruhg4915]

Granted, Anthony probably can't relate anymore since he's vegan but I felt this in the remnants of my soul.

[@hallwayoatmeal]

Or dropped your bagel cream cheese side down😔 real pain right there

[@stellalegolasnevolous4666]

@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 theres vegan butter

[@manp112]

I dropped a bread with chocolate cream over (was the last one) same feeling, my soul went down with it

[@LoverScratch]

(TW: MENTION OF CSA AND PTSD) In relation to 2:06, I have been working with my therapist on processing CSA trauma and subsequent C-PTSD. I was talking with her recently about how I’m not sure if I’m not attracted to men because of the trauma I’ve associated with them, or if I’m just a lesbian. You know what she told me? It doesn’t matter. If it is trauma based, that lack of attraction will ease off as we process the trauma… or it might not. Attraction and gender are so complex, that it kinda doesn’t matter how that side of your identity manifests. Your identify is valid either way. And that, ladies and germs, blew my mind. So anyways, be more like my therapist. Stop treating LGBTQI+ people as problems that needs to be fixed. We are happy the way we are

[@maleineperle1770]

Ladies and germs, I'm dying

[@LoverScratch]

@Brklyn66 aah u don’t know how happy it made me to read that! I’m so glad that info was able to help u feel a little more comfortable in your identity. all my love to u as you heal from ur early life - whatever that healing may look like for you. God knows this shit aint easy but i see you, n I believe in you :]

[@frenzeljuliannecleofe9500]

Oh wow thank you so much for this comment, I have the same experience about the trauma and the lack of attraction for that particular category of people who inflicted that trauma. Your sharing made me realize a more profound perspective of myself. May you have good days ahead!

[@9wmc]

@@maleineperle1770 dying from being fucking rude that is. why would you read that if you showed no affection?

[@dziabuka1981]

Your therapist is so wholesome

[@sunburnt2555]

the fact that anthony brings a lot of attention to the whole LGBTQIA+ community and educates/ helps a lot of people that are new to everything or just don't understand some things or need to discover themselves is so wholesome :((( it makes me really happy. tysm for all the effort you put into all you do man

[@xadielplasencia3674]

What's that "I" for?

[@EvanlovesStars]

@@xadielplasencia3674 maybe intersex

[@ivetterodriguez1994]

@@xadielplasencia3674 Intersex. But it feels out of place.

[@peri1539]

@@ivetterodriguez1994 ok? tell that to intersex people

[@TheVillainousSoul]

@@peri1539 I think they mean it feels out of place because it isn't a type of identity in the way that gender/sexual/romantic identities are. I'm not saying anything against intersex being included, just trying to explain.

[@livr1044]

The different views of romanticism according to culture thing hit SO HARD, I'm very cuddly with family and friends because of the way I grew up and my culture in general, but in a completely platonic manner. As soon I feel any romantic intention coming from friends I immediately recoil and shut down. Which I don't wanna do because I don't wanna hurt anyone, but I feel very uncomfy and can't help it. I thought I was "broken" or "in denial of my feelings" for the longest time because that's what everything and everyone told me, but no, I'm just repulsed to real-life romance (I like reading about and even watching some romantic tropes, it can be entertaining -- just don't include me or I will barf)

[@elieli2893]

Very similar to my experience! :D The thing is, I really like touch and feel like it's how I show affection, since in my family growing up hugging and stuff was very usual, and I'm sometimes sad that I can't hug my friends more without it seeming odd to them or worrying about it being read wrong. Any sign towards someone being into me, and I become so uncomfortable, I feel like squirming :'D And I have sometimes felt guilty, too, mentally going through my previous actions to try and see if something I said or did might have encouraged them... But it's not like I can live, always considering what kind of vibes I give off towards other people xD I do like romance in fiction, though! And I'm always happy for my friends for finding someone. Everything's great as long as I'm not included in it :)

[@kaelin8775]

I can agree, i grew up in a very platonic loving environment so im a very lovey person and will hug my friends and stuff, i also love romance, i love romance stories etc. I just don't feel romantic attraction

[@litchtheshinigami8936]

i guess i'm slightly aromantic or perhaps not as it could just be an autism thing (i have Autism and ADHD) because i don't like being touched at all.. i don't like hugs heck i don't even like it when someone's arm brushes against my arm.. i'm quite touch aversed.. but it's very much possible this is an Autism thing and not so much me being aromantic.. (i'm still kind of looking for everything and though i think i'm into women because i have a bigger aversion to men than i do to women as i wouldn't mind kissing a woman or cuddling another woman but i wouldn't like either of that with a man.. but it does have to be on my terms since i cannot handle random touch.. i'll react the same way someone would react when stepping in dogshit) however i'm not even sure if i feel sexual attraction either as i'm completely sex repulsed.. however i would want a companion even if it's just to have fun together with hobbies or watching movies together.. i also don't mind romantic tropes as much. however it shouldn't be too much.. i won't know what to do with flowers so give me chocolates instead.. now the reason why i'm not sure is because though i've had friends like me before they were all men.. and i did recoil from the confession or whatever.. so it's very much possible that's just a sexuality thing and not so much an aromantic thing.. it's hard.. i'm also nonbinary though i do prefer masculine presenting over feminine (i'm not sure if there is a specific name for any of that.. i'm bad at doing research like that because i never know where to start looking) my life is a fucking mess

[@Josee7991]

I'm a romantic person and have still been heartbroken by friends or people that I'm not romantically attracted to, it's about the connection and love you feel for them as a person, not about the romance.

[@nicolegenerale]

exactlyyy same here

[@BizarreBritt]

I remember having a falling out with a close friend of mine, we would call each other "fiance" and set our fb relationship status as "engaged" to each other even though he was gay and I wasn't interested in him as any more than a friend, cute as I thought he was, and I told people it felt like a break up, or worse than a break up. Shoot, even though it might have been for the best, it still hurts looking back on it especially because I take responsibility for the falling out. There's just something about looking back on a friendship with someone you used to spend so much time with together that hurts worse for me than looking back on a romantic relationship with someone I used to spend so much time with... idk it hits different for me. Maybe because I have commitment issues so relationships don't usually tend to last long anyway whereas friendships can last a lot longer or the bond can feel stronger because there's not that pressure or expectation. I look back on past friendships, especially the friendships I ruined and I mourn what used to be but I hope those people are alright now, and I'm working on being a better person now in therapy and other areas of my life to avoid making the same foolish mistakes.

[@scotscub76]

We dont feel that love for the person in that capacity though. We feel love for our family and friends, just not in a falling for someone way we are expected to "love" when it comes to romance.

[@endieisded]

I wish we had multiple words for love, like how greek does.

[@animalcrossing799]

Same here. I’ve been heartbroken by friends or family. In fact, my ab*ser was a close friend, as opposed to a partner or a loved one. I get scared to tell people that because it’s not your typical relationship partner ab*se so therefor to them it’s not valid. But I swear… it is… lol. I know what happened to me. I hate the misconception that only romantic partners can break your heart. It’s absolutely not true.

[@ArthurArtistry]

FINALLY BLACK PPL BEING REPRESENTED IN THE ARO AND OR ACE COMMUNITY PROPERLY OR AT ALL!! (rlly LGBTQ+ community in general)

[@liranpiade4499]

I wish I could do something to help, but I'm so proud to see them being represented! As a white-skinned Aromantic Jew, I am super proud of Divinity. She looks DIVINE (eh? Eh?) and seems like a really cool person!

[@Tvgirlsolos4]

Agreed💯

[@emojis_withlove6219]

I agree as well!! It’s nice to see black people who are like me in the aro community (I think I’m either demiromantic or aro 😊😊)

[@Ego-Fiend]

​@@emojis_withlove6219I'm a black man and im also aroace

[@stephaniesmith3544]

Divinity is so stunning. I couldn’t stop staring at her whenever she was on screen

[@madisonhope6832]

Agreed, she was so pretty

[@soulsunshine108]

Yes and her fashion sense is 🔥

[@bluevelvet5397]

Absolutely she’s cute

[@cloudofreverie786]

Her name suits her, she's truly divine.

[@stelaspanish3553]

Yes, so gorgeous!

[@emmafeickert8855]

O my goodness, Madeline talking about their experience with being aromantic and married spoke to me sooooo much! They are married and can feel love in a non romantic way, and if I find someone that's exactly what it would be for me! I have a squish on one of my friends, much is like a non romantic crush. I want to lay under the stars with her, dance in the rain with her, bake cookies with her, but I don't want anything but a strong friendship. She means the world to me, and I want to tell her that, but it's hard to explain to someone you have a crush-not-a-crush on them. Anyways, I am SO glad I found this, because the kind of love I feel isn't what I thought aromantic was, and labeling myself as aromantic when I could be demiromantic felt weird. Now I feel WAY more comfortable in my identity.

[@wordforger]

lol. I used to joke, way back when I was still questioning myself, that if I ever married, it would be to a closeted gay millionaire. 1) I'd be rich. 2) He'd never bug me for sex. 3) We could hang out together without things getting weird between us. Of course that was over a decade ago and the world has shifted to make it much more likely any such gentleman would be openly and happily married to a husband of his choice going forward. And anyway, I'm just as fine living alone as I would be with a roomie.

[@amemelia]

@@wordforger same I remember thinking how I wanted my close friend to be a room mate as I grow up in life with a job, someone to keep my company and show affection in my own way without wanting sex, and if we do want sex so be it

[@bambii-_]

don't want to be rude so im sorry if it comes across that way, this is genuine. how is what you described not a romantic crush? how is it different from a romantic crush? you think more of her than a friend, you want to be close with her? is the difference just that you don't want to kiss her (and stuff like it)? like. i've never enjoyed kissing. or holding hands in public or whatever. and i don't see the appeal in it. but isn't that just... personal preference? at what point would make something like that aromantic?

[@emmafeickert8855]

@@bambii-_ I personally don't like kissing or anything physical. I have squishes on people, but that's it. It's a platonic crush. For each person, there are boundaries, and some people are willing to kiss their S.O. because they don't mind it. They know it makes the other person happy, so they kiss them, but not because they want the kiss. Some people have levels of physical touch that they might not deem romantic but others might. It depends on boundaries and personal preference. I don't know how well I explained that, but that's what I know!

[@nekuro5548]

Oh my god it's you again,, hello pfp buddy :") I also have a longtime friend that i definetely plan to move in together with sometime in the future! Funnily enough he found out he's probably also aroace recently, so. Aroace roommates :D The only annoying thing is that im (perceived to be) a woman and he's a guy. So when you mention you're close/wanna move in together it's. Sigh. Not helped by the fact that the word for platonic friend and boy/girlfriend is the same in my language, so if you call someone of the opposite gender your friend, chances are people assume you're dating. Which is a fun time when the majority of my friends are dudes. Get me out of this hell 😔

[@Purple-sx8us]

“You don’t suffer what we suffer” is most insensitive thing one person can say to another ! You can not invalidate someone else’s struggles because YOU think yours were worst ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@meadowrae1491]

I've personally found that being aromantic was more difficult than being bisexual. I'm already part of the community and I think it's wrong to go around gatekeeping others who don't fall in line with heteronormative/amatonormative standards. ALSO it's not a struggle contest.

[@Purple-sx8us]

@@meadowrae1491 well said !

[@kaelin8775]

Im trans, queer and aro/ace. I've actually experienced more suffering from being open about being aro and/or ace, than from being queer (attraction to multiple genders) so the whole concept of "u dont suffer enough" is totally bullshit

[@mr.dmp_gacha3172]

yes

[@rl751]

Fr, like, why we measuring turds when it’s all shit? Lmao

[@MacabreEgg]

Platonic heartbreak is such a huge thing for me as someone who is Aromantic, especially since im impulsed by acts of intimacy and even verbal ones to a certain degree. When friends say something kind, or they remember something I told them years/months ago I feel such an immense amount of happiness. Even peers I have friendly conversation with remembering my name, offering me a snack, or giving me a trinket makes me feel so appeciated. I cherish everything anyone has ever given me, especially stuff that they hand make or find outdoors. Its always so funny to have my sister message me with a photo of a pretty rock, seashell, or bones. With an attached message telling me she is going to save it for me, it has me on the floor sobbing with happiness knowing that I matter. Lol im very lonely, so stuff like that does more to my soul than any partner or physical affection ever could

[@toobinflabishnabob]

Thank you so much for having me, I had to make an insta for the shout-out, lol! You are helping bring awareness to underrepresented communities, and it means so much to us. Thank you to everyone for the kind words and support as well!

[@AnthonyPadilla]

thank you for being part of the episode and opening up about such a personal topic in such a vulnerable way. ps can't get the terms crotch goblin and vagina flowers out of my head now 🥲

[@haybrifc]

[@marcywuapologist9841]

thank you for talking about our community! 💞

[@lara-ch5qc]

:)

[@fil0sofia]

Thank you for the child repulsed perspective! Feels good to know that there's others out there who can't stand those nasty little crotch goblins. :)

[@ohmgeesus]

i always love the titles they’re always so aggressive like i spent a day with AROMANTIC i find it funny like it’s screaming at me

[@changedmynamebcyallwouldnt..]

please we are not smelly 😭 aromaNtic

[@mayhodhavemercy]

@@changedmynamebcyallwouldnt.. lmao

[@inu4771]

@@changedmynamebcyallwouldnt.. i didn't notice, now i can't stop laughing XDDDD

[@ambarcastaneda4763]

I thought I was the only one that thought that 😭

[@Thenoobestgirl]

Lol

[@rain596]

Madeline's answers were so elaborate and well thought out. They seemed to know perfectly how to explain things to people outside the community. Aromanticism is still so weird and confusing to me (Im aromantic myself) but she and all the other aros really helped untangled some of my thoughts :] I really resonated with the "intentions" bit she talked about. It helps me figure out my own relationship with a friend (?) of mine

[@bunnycrofts8127]

One of my favorite moments was "you ever dropped your toast? butter side down? thats heartbreak."

[@shadoedoe8083]

@@bunnycrofts8127 Same!

[@hah-no.]

I love your name! Edit: person below is an icon ✨👇🏻✨

[@maxdujmovic6250]

@@hah-no. ngl the wording of your question kinda confused me but ill try my best? (im on the aromantic spectrum & the asexual spectrum as well as being pan) so, there's lots of different types of attraction: sexual attraction, romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, platonic attraction, etc. I consider myself acespec, arospec, and pan because im not fully ace or aro, and when i do feel romantic/sexual attraction its not limited my the person's gender. I think madeline (the person with a wife) was talking about companionship not in a specific sexual/romantic/platonic way, just companionship in the way of being with another person and sharing your life with them hope this helped???

[@hah-no.]

@@maxdujmovic6250 yeah, sorry about that! But ok, yeah I think that clears it up. Thank you! My minds gears were crunching but weren’t quite there. Thanks again!

[@cookiebans_7026]

I'm literally crying while watching this video. For the longest time I thought there's just something wrong with me, seeing as how my friends would get into these relationships while I'm just...there. No feelings for romance, no nothing. Damn. Thank you for this video.

[@dyingknightbynight]

i feel like anthony's guests are so lucky, he tries to be understanding and caring as much as he can.. i want a friend like him

[@monbub]

Me too. The way he talks to his guests is so validating for people experiencing the same thing. We all need a friend that's that understanding and open minded.

[@axolotlhappy2340]

I don’t think they‘re lucky, this is just how you‘re supposed to treat a guest! But sadly a lot of hosts don‘t :(

[@seducedbysasquatch]

I think he's lucky too, though. By meeting all different types of people for these videos, he's learning more about different sexualities, genders, ideologies, etc. it's definitely a win-win for both!

[@dyingknightbynight]

@@axolotlhappy2340 you're absolutely right!

[@dyingknightbynight]

@@seducedbysasquatch yeah i bet he is

[@EverythingTheorist]

As an aro person, props for including (romance repulsed) in the title. Cause not every aro person is repulsed! You can feel neutral or even positively about romance, like if you enjoy seeing others fall in love, or like reading love stories in fiction, or maybe even longing for it yourself but just never feeling the actual attraction. It's a whole spectrum.

[@itsiz9738]

yes! I think in the ace episode he wasn't as clear about that so I'm very glad it is made clear in this one.

[@kaelin8775]

YES! Im aromantic but im a huge romantic at the same time, i love the concept of romance, the dates and candlelit dinners, small kisses and hugs etc. I just dont feel the attraction and i probably would never date someone in a romantic way. (Although i might in a queerplatonic or platonic way)

[@roses6821]

I struggle with that alot with not experience it for myself. I like to touch others like hugs and kisses on the cheeks family members. Friends only locking arms but i heve never gone beyond that. Whenever i would like a boy i would enjoy it and feel good until tge moment they tried to take my hand or kiss me. I instantly dont feel anything anymore and am disgusted

[@Mnwga]

Learned I'm aromantic about a year ago dating my boyfriend and it was very confusing. I realized that I do in fact love him, just as a friend and nothing else. We talked, explained how I was feeling and he was understanding (we broke up and are still good friends). I came out as asexual 4 years ago and it was a struggle coming to terms that I'm not 'normal' in the respect that I'll never marry and die a virgin. Over the last couple months I've come to accept and embrace this is how I am and it's fantastic Thank you Anthony for covering these topics and bringing them to light, it's hard but watching people who understand talk about it helps a lot

[@koolkaty4088]

There's nothing wrong with dying a virgin.

[@velevetxspeakz5367]

@@koolkaty4088 spitting Faxs no printer

[@sharkryro]

Virginity is a social construct, never feel pressured to lose or not lose it.

[@seducedbysasquatch]

congrats for coming out, and i'm so glad your ex was very understanding of it

[@soulgazer11]

All that time they avoided worrying about romance, they clearly put into loving themselves and it transpires in their aesthetics. Because they're all GLOWING 🤩.

[@camgotvaslee16]

yass nice insight

[@ambo9569]

Forreal they all look like hot vampires

[@idalarsen2540]

I've realized over the years that both me and my mom are aromantics. As a child growing up, my parents were never the kind to show affection to either each other, or me and my brother. I always felt like something was "off" in my family due to this, and seeing how my friends' parents kissed, held hands, went on dates etc., something my parents never did. They never even shared a bedroom, because my mother didn't feel comfortable doing so. My mother was always viewed as "distant" and "weird" because of her struggles of showing what we percieve as "proper", "normal" or "expected" affection. I *know* my mother would do *anything* for us, she's truly the most loving person I know.. she just doesn't show it like a "regular" person does. It's taken me so many years of pain and agony, and total confusion to figure this all out. I remember once yelling my soul out at her for "not loving me", which broke her heart. I don't regret doing it tho, as that.. conversation, and the following talks we had after that enlightened the both of us a lot. Seeing my mother break down like that *killed me* inside, but it was necessary to open up and regulate the boiling lid, in lack of a better way of describing it. My parents (finally) divorced some years ago, when both me and my brother were well into adulthood, and our entire family have become so much better and much more happy and comfortable individually and together, despite my mother and father not having any contact. It just turned out best for all of us. It freed us.

[@BlinkinFirefly]

I think my boyfriend's mom and dad are the same way which might explain why he's not very romantic toward me. I've noticed a huge difference in affection between them compared to my own mom and dad. It's very strange and feels off, like something is missing. But I certainly cannot blame them or my boyfriend if that's just how it is. It's just a very big difference that affects me in a lot of ways. That makes me feel let down because I'm not getting enough of what I need. I love my boyfriend so much, I just want more connection that makes me feel love the way I understand it with a partner. It's kind of tragic really when two people are attracted to each other but have completely different love languages and neither are willing to learn to speak the other's.

[@lemonbuzz642]

I wonder if this is a generational thing? Back in the days, the expectation was marriage and kids for women. Rarely was there a route to do anything else. I wonder if women never had there own freedom and unconsciously started to build resentment.

[@crypticcryptid4702]

@@lemonbuzz642 I mean marriage and kids, or at least a partner, is still kind of the expected now. It's the reason why my mum doesn't really acknowledge/ accept that part of me. She just doesn't want me to be alone.

[@BizarreBritt]

@@crypticcryptid4702 and I'm guessing you have many people in your life, or at least a close few, who are your ride or die. funny (sad, really) how society views people as somehow sad and lonely or less than if they are not partnered up...

[@hen4699]

Oddly enough, I think this is the case for me and my mother as well. My mother has never really been attracted to my father, or any man for that matter. She was in love with the thought of love, but didn’t seem to actually have the capacity to experience it. I wouldn’t ever know though since she’s super Christian and doesn’t like discussing identities because she thinks they’re ‘ridiculous’.

[@delikat6775]

The whole thing about how if romanticism was treated as how we should treat people made me realize why my friends get so freaked out when I say “I love you.” I don’t mean in it a sexual way, I just deeply love all of my friends.

[@abelcanocarriel1343]

Same. The love I feel for my male friends is always seen as me being gay, and I have to tell them "dude, I don't want to f... you, I just love you, you're awesome" XD. My best friend is always like "awww" and gets all blushy!! jajaja

[@fatmoogle4560]

I say I love you to many of my friends. They were weirded out at first, but then started saying it back and liked it. I'd obviously stop if it made someone uncomfortable. I say it to both men and women and my intent is clear. Honestly, I think it's just nice to remind people that they are cared for.

[@icebear394]

@@abelcanocarriel1343 Men showing affection to their male friends is always seen as gay and that makes no sense to me bc love is not just romantic. It's interesting because in my experience, when it's between me and other girls, we're okay with showing affection as friends and it seems to be way more normalized in society than when it's guy + guy or girl + guy

[@ev7568v]

!!! Same !

[@BizarreBritt]

I'm fortunate to have friends who understand and say it back. I even have a male friend on fb who is openly loving to his male friends and they reciprocate the affection and it warms my heart. Love is just GREAT! and I think it is important for us to express how we feel while we, and they, are still here.

[@xcookiesandcreamx]

I'm aroace and I feel represented through this video, it's a nice feeling being validated in a hyperromantic and hypersexualised world - makes me feel better knowing that I'm not 'broken' or a 'robot' as others would suggest.

[@user-uh9sf5sg3n]

Ayy fellow aroace

[@asteridfk]

Another aroace:D

[@jackriver8385]

I think I may be aroace?

[@jessicab831]

Kewl! I'm oriented aroace here. 😁 I wish the world wasn't so hooked onto something that can be so detrimental to us at times. Sex, especially.

[@Lana-bn9ir]

Yay my people I have found you 🥳🥳…fellow aroace

[@ni-kinotniki]

I fee so seen. People usually takes me for some edgy immature girl for being aromantic and they are usually not open to understand us. Thank you so much Anthony for wanting to know more about us and giving other people the possibility to understand us in such an entertaining way.

[@lav-kitty]

right? specially as romance-repulsed, they probably see us as edgy "love isn't real" people. I've had people think I don't believe in love just because I said I see romance as a social construct, they straight out thought I was heartbroken or something when in reality I just dislike romance

[@emojis_withlove6219]

Samee

[@MildeAmasoj]

A lot of ace/aro people love hugs and I always felt like I was just weird for not liking them. I’m so glad to hear there’s more people who are touch-repulsed without trauma. I’m not alone, yayyy

[@emilydurkee8664]

A person can be touch repulsed because of neglect. So many people weren't touched/held enough by their parents/grandparents as children so it makes it feel very unnatural and unsafe to be touched when they are older

[@emilydurkee8664]

I don't want to imply that applies to you or the people in the video, I'm just saying that it can come from little things, like from a families culture

[@MildeAmasoj]

@@emilydurkee8664 oh yeah my mom is not at all physically affectionate despite being very loving and it definitely played a role ahjshah

[@sydneycho7290]

I was hugged plenty as a child I just don’t like it as an adult

[@Witchfrog25]

Yes I'm aroace but I still like hugs from my friends and I will hold hands with them in a friend way but I've known them for 2months - 7yrs so their more like sisters at this point

[@rehksthemess9800]

I’m so glad this episode has alloaros. I feel like perception of aros is usually like just a subsection of ace people but it’s really just a Venn diagram with some overlap. As an alloaro teenager it’s great to see people like me talk about their experiences as adults and it makes me a lot less scared for my future in amatanormative society

[@Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal]

Yea im not ace but aro ( idk if im allo but im not ace if that makes sense) and seeing people thinking that every aro is ace is pretty disheartening so its great that he interwieved an aroallo person

[@mentallyunstable1926]

yes, yes! everywhere i just see ace aros or ace alloros but i rarely ever see alloaros. it really gets under my skin when people say that being ace doesn’t necessarily mean you’re also aro but never say the same for alloaros

[@goodgrieficarus1217]

I’m aroallo too and it’s so refreshing 😭 I’m so grateful that he included people like me

[@zoki4291]

Was about to comment the same thing. Aroace here, but was really happy to find that they were included too, if people can be aroace and alloace, why not aroallo? I am very nitpicky about information so I'm really glad you guys aren't ignored

[@bradenhuss7003]

Yeah alloromantic/allosexual is simply when you aren't on th aromantic/asexual spectrum so if you do feel sexual attraction and you're not demi etc you'd be allo

[@ladabudilova9262]

As an asexual and aromantic, I am happy that you share these topics and discuss this.

[@mall0wfluff]

Romance to me feels so nasty. When I’m a relationship I can only care for someones well being and there feelings. But expressing love and tenderness feels unnatural for me and makes me cringe tbh. I have sexual feelings but romance is a no.

[@rallazarthemagnificent3765]

Yeah, as an aro, romance is just cringe in my mind haha

[@RuinousCat.09]

so relatable

[@kconrad5893]

If that’s the reaction you have though, I’m suspicious of whether or not it’s simply an orientation or if you are just repressed for whatever reason.

[@cas3338]

@@kconrad5893 agreed

[@kconrad5893]

@@cas3338 Because there’s a difference between simply not experiencing romantic feelings and being literally disgusted by them right? In my opinion, feelings of disgust stem from some kind of previous trauma.

[@海草猫]

Nik's energy is so infectious, I could listen to him talk all day

[@nikhampshire]

Awww thanks so much! Made my day ☺️

[@ada.3880]

@@nikhampshire Nik!! You're so cool

[@adrihdz]

This is an interesting topic that I’ve always wanted to know more about.

[@chibihelix]

I don’t know why the concept of “needing to die with someone” rather than alone made me laugh so hard. Like this society is really that strange 😂

[@Byslie]

the thing is even if you have someone one of you is going to die first and leave the other alone, so that's definitely flawed. but also the general concept of just "needing" to have a partner to die with or you'll never be complete is so strange, yeah! who tf came up with that idea lmao

[@turtlechow18]

people use the same excuse as to why you need children, to have someone to take care of you and so you don't die alone lol I find it so odd

[@meadowrae1491]

Right? I'm A-Ok with dying alone. I think it would be worse to die with someone I can't stand hovering over me.

[@Bella-wz9xw]

i'm not alone i have my giant squishmallow collection

[@SamWest96]

@@turtlechow18 oh that one makes me so mad. If you're having kids so you're not alone when you die, there's a problem there 🤢

[@applescotchpie3003]

as a romance repulsed aromantic, I am so beyond grateful and so so happy to be seeing more representation on something that is such a big part of my life everyday

[@Sucharush31]

This video is like therapeutic to watch. I've had conversations with other aromantics online but I've never met one in person. To see the aros in this video speaking the exact things I've been thinking for years is just so amazing. Thanks Anthony and everyone who participated.

[@cpikoart]

When I started college, I met a couple arospec people in one of the queer orgs and it was so amazing 😭 this video feels similar. We are not alone!

[@TSfan217]

That girl makes a really interesting point that aromantism can present differently in different countries! I never thought about that. But it makes so much sense because if social contexts are different, then it stands to reason that romance looks different there too. It makes you really think about how subjective romance is

[@albaerazo8918]

We all should appreciate how everyone is different from everyone. I like the diversity of this world. Just love it.

[@sierramay5934]

YES! Sometimes when that little bubble of judgment starts to form in my head when I see somebody who’s different from me in some way, I just stop myself and think of how boring the world would be IF everyone was the same as me. The diversity of experiences and personalities in the world is awesome!

[@muziqslove]

Just came across this today and OMFG this is me! 50 years of trying to explain to myself that there is nothing WRONG with me because of how I feel (lack of romantic feelings).

[@awstenkniight]

im so happy for you! im glad i just found out because im young, and it will save me alot of confusion, but im so so happy for u!!

[@merge9585]

Congrats!

[@honey_Bee1333]

I'm so, so happy you found yourself!!! It's the best feeling ever, and I'm so glad you got to experience it

[@one_addition7531]

Madeline talking about her wife is so cute, you can see the love in their eyes when talking about her and it's just adorable

[@alexarvizu1329]

This dude just makes me curious on everything

[@user-gh5xu3wl3b]

Thank you for making the romance repulsed distinction. Aromanticism is a spectrum. It’s just categorized as an inability to feel romantic attraction the amount society expects you to. There are greyromantics and demiromantics, too.

[@Kirsikkalyhty]

I'm aro-ace and I'm FULL of love! Platonic love! I've never really understood the appeal of romantic love or sex other than from the reproductive, biological point of view. In my opinion true friendship is actually one of the most beautiful things you can experience in life and man do I love my friends.

[@sejalb725]

May I be your friend too? Of course not like right away but maybe we can start slow with any safe messaging app? Otherwise no worries have a nice day!

[@emojis_withlove6219]

@@sejalb725I would like to tag along

[@beatrizxa]

i'm like you! we have a flag called "loveful aro flag", check it out!

[@JJamieGreyy]

Hey Anthony, I appreciate you having people from loads of different communities! Id like to say though that aromantics aren't necessarily romance repulsed! Some like romance, some don't! It just means they do not experience romantic attraction :) Just like some asexual people still like to have sex, but they're simply lacking sexual attraction!

[@AnthonyPadilla]

thanks for the feedback! i've gotten a few comments about this so i changed the title to clarify that i'm specifically referring to the guests in the video being romance repulsed

[@JJamieGreyy]

@@AnthonyPadilla thank you! You're a legend Keep doing what you're doing, you're really helping so many communities! :)

[@Spineless-Lobster]

As an aro ace is really appreciate Anthony’s videos because they just seem so human. Like two people discussing a topic they’re interested in and sharing experiences, thank you Anthony!

[@dewdropsfall8236]

agreed

[@amberamey7549]

These videos are always so affirming after basically fighting with older family members to try and validate myself and my own wants and feelings. They make it seem like being aro and not wanting/liking romantic relationships is somehow wrong or that I'm somehow deficient or messed up because of it. I appreciate these interviews so much, they make me feel less alone.

[@AVspectre]

I wonder if folks have used them as an introduction to others/family as a way to introduce them to a part of themselves.

[@kellogg2k]

yup my family does the same to me and it really sucks :/

[@kellogg2k]

they also accept my gay older bother and my bi twin but when it comes to me being aroace they just get all mad saying "why do you need a label on everything"..... "you just haven't met the one"..... and stuff like that and it really hurts 🙃

[@jordan5492]

@@kellogg2k It's shite, but I get it, I'm ace (and I'm aware we get slightly more recognition/slightly less shit than aro and aroace ppl) and that's been the most weird/stigmatised/hardest thing to come out to others about. Many of the people who know I'm trans/gay etc are much more accepting of that than me being ace. They truly think it's a limiting thing & can't compute someone being/loving differently to them.

[@kellogg2k]

@@jordan5492 im sorry :/ if they accept the fact you're gay and trans then they need to accept the fact you're also ace, because it's who you are.

[@laynelaynelayner]

ughhh seeing these normal people talking about their aromanticism is SOOOO validating. it barely gets talked about and it's so nice to see that there are regular people out there living their lives who are also aro

[@lowang9708]

8:32 that sucks... you don’t measure a community by how much their members suffer, what’s the point of a community other than uniting a group of people with common characteristics under one name ? That’s all it doesn’t matter if someone suffers less in fact, it sucks even more that they totally disregard the fact that he can suffer too...

[@wapaloosie9512]

Exactly! A gay cis man experiences discrimination differently than a straight trans woman. Aros experience discrimination differently than other members of the community.That doesn't mean that anyone's struggles in the community are any less valid. We can debate all we want about "who is the most discriminated" but thats not productive in our goal for equality. If anything, it further divides us. -an asexual lesbian

[@Ballissle]

I am Aro-ace and this is so annoying to me. Because in a way we are actually more discriminated than any of them. Since both typical people and lgbt communities both discriminate against us actively and the entire human culture around the world is all geared against us, pushing for some form of love and sex that everyone must have to some degree. Because of this, I don’t feel normal, yet I also don’t feel a part of that community which is usually over sexualised and over romanticised and the only place I feel belonging to is tiny ace/aro communities which are hard to come by.

[@ivetterodriguez1994]

Yeah, it's really imature.

[@lowang9708]

@@wapaloosie9512 exactly, thank you. It definitely creates division

[@lowang9708]

@@Ballissle that’s a very good point, it feels so terrible when you get rejected by the people you think you relate to I think by rejecting you guys, they’re doing exactly what they fought against

[@SaskiaSketches]

As an aromantic person, this was really eye opening. I experience being aromantic very differently and yet there are quite a few similarities as well! It was super nice listening to other people’s stories and experiences!

[@f.p1758]

Would you mine sharing a few of those similarities and differences?

[@chaeyoungsstrawberryfarm3327]

Most people still want to be loved and have relations without it being romantic, I think it’s cute;)

[@loretohidalgo3533]

took me awhile to understand that but I get it

[@boredqueen7909]

Platonic friends💛💛

[@datjule560]

I honestly cried so much during this video and reading the comments. So much love. So much community. I was actually scared of clicking on this video, scared of not being a real part of the LGBTQAI community. But now? Now I just feel heard and I am so relieved I am not alone. And that I am a "real" Aro, despite wanting a companion and feeling heartbroken by a friend. It just feels so good, to not be alone. Thank you for this video and thank you for reading my comment right now

[@Leadlight280]

the aromantic community is one of the most accepting and wholesome ones out there fr

[@SaharaColeman]

Okay she’s gorgeous with the mint green hair!

[@kitcat2210]

i love that anthony changed the title to recognise that not all aros are romance repulsed. he's so considerate

[@r._.l]

god i love how understanding and patient anthony is. he doesn't push questions or makes anyone uncomfortable and i love how he's being super inclusive and going from asexuals to people with DID and others to aromantics

[@Enmutamiosimp]

I have a friend and we both love physical touch and I’m happy we can cuddle without thinking “oh this feels kinda weird“. I really like friends like this:)

[@yiting7456]

"We had classes on how to be a wife. It's very creepy" 😂😂 love this woman

[@sparx2208]

I created an OC who I decided would be aromatic. I saw this video and thought that it would be a great way to flesh out their feelings toward romance and learned so much more. Thank you!

[@yaoiconnoisseur420]

please be careful in writing an aromantic OC as someone who isn't aromantic. be sure not to fall into stereotypes (cold, robotic, not human, etc.) for them. do as much research as you can

[@cherryspice1011]

@@yaoiconnoisseur420 as an aromantic asexual person myself I second this PLEASE RESEARCH BEFORE DOING SO!!

[@EspeonMistress00]

Also try to make an aro person read over your work to find if anything is offensive

[@pokemonfanthings4444]

Good for you. Contrary to what many people believe, I think people can write characters that are not the same sexuality or romantic identity as themselves. It’s like telling gay writers they can’t write any straight characters. Yeah as long as you do research and are respectful, we need more media rep. Even if it’s just an original story posted online or a fanfic. I’m aroace and non-aroace people told me that “I shouldnt write what I don’t understand” and I’m like…but I do understand. People get mad whenever writers include lesser-none LGBT+ people so don’t get discouraged if you get undeserved backlash.

[@lucycox2990]

The way I read this in luz’ voice

[@thelightofthejedi9811]

maybe society's obsession with romanticism is an outward expression of the lack of love everyone feels for themselves

[@monbub]

damn that's deep

[@Zogixaas09]

Its one of the natural instincts of survival that gets exploited by the industry. Same old story.

[@haileyt857]

That's what I've been in belief of for a while! Like, 'Seek wholeness in another, especially through grand gestures with mostly the intent of getting banged!' is the message we're taught but the truth is you'll only be complete once you work on making yourself whole. This includes bringing yourself out and exploring life totally present within yourself- connecting wholly with your thoughts and emotions. I'd like to add that if we were more a community based society and freely gave platonic affection to one another without any kind of hidden intentions- romance wouldn't be as popular as it is now or even at all.

[@thelightofthejedi9811]

@@monbub thanks :D

[@thelightofthejedi9811]

@@haileyt857 i agree - i seek to live in a community-based village in the future where bartering replaces capitalism

[@smolmoru]

if there are people out there who think aros have no empathy, I don't even want to know what they'd think about someone who is anattractional/attractionless. that means no platonic attraction, no aesthetic, no sensual, nothing. doesn't mean I don't have friends or don't get along with people. just no desire to actively pursue social interactions in any way. ... okay maybe I do struggle with empathy, but that's because neurotypical subliminal messaging is weird and I'm way too autistic to get it. who knows, maybe I am just an AI in a fleshsuit or something lol

[@christinewalker7242]

I can easily get how you can be attractionless, there are many more emotions in the human brain than just social ones. I can't understand the experience, like people can't understand my aroace experience unless they too are aroace. But I can respect you and get that you can still have empathy while being attractionless. I am sure you're a cool person the way you are.

[@smolmoru]

@@christinewalker7242 aw thanks for the kind words. it's really rare to get any positive reaction, so I really appreciate that

[@electricay]

Do those people only feel empathy for people they're romantically interested in?/gen

[@NoiseDay]

Look into the double empathy problem. It's more like autistic people have an easier time with other autistic people and neurotypical people struggle to empathize with us just as much as we struggle to empathize with them.

[@ok-hp6vp]

hello asexuals and aromantics, just want to let you know that you are so valid and don't let people tell you otherwise :))

[@Im_Iconic-Youre_Ironic]

Good to hear. I've had a college literally say that "I'm still young" and that "ill find the right person someday" but like that's so demeaning... And I've seen how some people say how we (im aro ace) are only good to keep the population down-

[@andromede873]

thank you so much :)

[@laurad7228]

@@Im_Iconic-Youre_Ironic yeah I've had things like that to (fellow aro ace here) everytime I explain it people are like: you'll find the right one.

[@SecretlyaMess]

Thanks lucky :)

[@akiramakara2062]

The second Madeline said "you ever drop your toast, butter side down?" I got war flashbacks

[@thewalkingmic5]

“Have you ever dropped your toast?…” “…Butter side down?” I had to pause the video and chortle 😂😂

[@gretchensweek2916]

I pause the video just to make sure somebody commented about this

[@rohin369]

as a gay guy who’s pretty romantic (haha) i’ve always been so fascinated with aros. i’m glad we got this video

[@Rjcuatrocinco]

Interesting, I would imagine being with an aro would be the most toxic thing for a very romantic person.

[@luchirimoya]

@@Rjcuatrocinco same, it would prob be frustrating for both people since their needs are not being met

[@user-jm6cl6fj1l]

@@Rjcuatrocinco actually it can work. As long as both communicate and are open with their needs it can be just as healthy as a fully romantic relationship

[@liranpiade4499]

As a gay girl who is aromantic, I appreciate your curiosity!

[@elisecode2212]

thanks! awesome when people understand that people can have very different experiences and neither of them is wrong

[@aliyahbentley860]

This is the most representation us aros have ever had 😭😂

[@goosesatan]

Its funny because it’s true 😭

[@aliyahbentley860]

@@goosesatan Don't know whether to laugh or cry 😂

[@goosesatan]

@@aliyahbentley860 Both man

[@Im_Iconic-Youre_Ironic]

Omg ikr- thing is I think everyone should watch this video- I'm tired of being invalidated by sayings like "you haven't met the right person" or "you haven't met me yet-" ✋😭

[@zoki4291]

This shouldn't hurt as much as it does-

[@hecknfrick4236]

"I'm not missing someone that I've never met" -Never Been In Love by Will Jay is my mantra

[@theoneandonlydrowlf819]

Ah, a person of culture

[@samjensen392]

A personal favorite of mine is “Wish I could tell you that I love you but I can’t” -Not a Love Song by bülow (I mean, it’s the whole chorus in general, but that seemed like a bit too much)

[@lunafox45]

The relationship between Madeline and their wife sounds so beautiful. From what they said they have such a strong bond I find it beautiful.