I Still Live With My Parents And Financially Support Them!

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[@aeromedical6750]

My wife and I did this for 10 years. Trust me- it absolutely wipes you out mentally, physically, and emotionally. You essentially put your life on hold to tend to the needs of your parents. No one that’s ever been in this situation can understand it. The siblings who have essentially washed their hands of it have put this guy in an impossible situation. I’m quite sure they are not volunteering to help out.

[@marinemarine8305]

they will show up when there;s and estate or something to get.

[@jasongriffith6225]

I’m there now

[@professional.commentator]

I'm actually in a similar situation myself. It's emotionally and mentally draining. I believe parents like these never thought about their future, or their children's future well enough to realize how disastrous things could turn out later on in life. Just a little bit of forethought would've helped.

[@buckybarnes3803]

Don't feel guilty about living your own life you deserve it. after all they lifted their own life

[@professional.commentator]

@@buckybarnes3803 I wish but it's almost impossible because I'm an only child. Also my social skills were never fully developed so I struggle with SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) now.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@professional.commentator That's a tough situation to be in. You feel guilty if you don't take care of them because they're your parents but at the same time, you're also mentally and emotionally drained and stressed out because of the enormous responsibility. That sucks. Wish your situation gets better soon.

[@charc4814]

My Grandmother is in this spot. She never prepared herself for this kind of situation. My mom has been in Ecuador caring for her since June 2021 and she hasn't been to her own home in the states with us since. It's irritating. Her siblings live in Ecuador but they don't want to put any work. Now we're debating to put her in a nursing home but that idea makes my mom cry. My brother and I can afford care for our grandmother (we're doctors) but at the same time we feel that if we do our uncles, who have the moral duty to care for their mother, are taking advantage of us.

[@tangerinekpopper1868]

@@charc4814 is it possible to bring your grandma to the US? So at least your mom can stay in her home where she's comfortable. I've known people like your uncles and it may take time for them to take action.

[@terriesmith2616]

That's why it's so important for people to be financially independent BEFORE having kids. You don't want your kids to be your retirement fund, it's not fair to your kids because you are hindering their future and their freedom to live their own lives. You become a burden to your children and this will stunt their future successes. Edit: I noticed alot of third world cultures who expect their children to be their retirement fund and that always causes relationship issues between the family and their future spouses. I have a lot of foreign co-workers and we talk about this all the time. They are stressed out because their parents were ill prepared and now expect the kids to financially support them.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

Yeah my parents prepared financially before having kids. Grew up with no worries. Parents retired independently with no issues. They didn't even sacrifice anything having/raising us.

[@happygirl7258]

We’ve been going through similar circumstances. My in-laws spent every dime that ever came in and now (in their 70’s) are asking for money (mortgage, Dr, bills etc). We feel that we should help but there will come a time (retirement)when we won’t have nearly as much. I’m always scared that we might not be able to retire because of their lack of planning. Then I always feel guilty. It’s so hard...

[@terriesmith2616]

@@blackworldtraveler3711 Wow, you're lucky. You're parents are wise and prepared ahead.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@happygirl7258 Man, that sucks. Do you have kids of your own? Because it sucks even more when you have to financially support your own kids _and_ your in-laws. Since you're giving the in-laws money, that means less money for your own retirement fund. Yikes. 😰😬😓 Bad situation all around because how about when you get old and didn't have enough saved for your own retirement, who will you turn to? Not your in-laws that's for sure.

[@Primitive_Code]

Exactly and this is specially more prevalent in eastern cultures, I came from one and it gets so bad between wives and mother in laws all the time because the mother is usually attached to her son or daughter straining everything. Eastern style families are recipes for failure usually for the head of the household. Every bit of drama, gossip attitude and belief is tied into it, it is pathetic.

[@diceportz7107]

Take these people for a daily walk. That is the start of your road to freedom. I am surprised Dave didn't ask about the house, how much is owed, how much it is worth. I'd look at selling the house and getting them something smaller for them. Get your own place and check in with them daily. I am 69 and have arthritis but would never expect my son to live with me. He comes over when I let him know I need a hand with something, like pruning the apple trees.

[@Stanthemilkman]

Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm.

[@matthewvaden3909]

I had to care-take for my father after his health suddenly deteriorated when he was only on his late 50s. I was 24 and about to graduate from college. I managed to finish school just in time. Chose to forgo a bright future of moving to NYC for work, only to move back home and care for my dad. Didn't get help from my slightly younger sibling so it was just the two of us - father and son. In the process, I came to discover how bad my father's finances were and how it nearly fell into financial ruin because of a few unresolved problems that I was never aware of. We wrestled over these issues but eventually, I managed to get him some legal help which changed everything for the better. Eventually, we found a better living situation that allowed for him to be supported with 24/7 care for veterans. This allowed me to pick up and move on with life. It took a number of years, but I was eventually able to build a career, buy a home, pay off school, and build a desirable life. But those two and a half years of supporting my dad still haunt me inside. Care taking is not for the weak. It can be very taxing on body, expensive on your finances, and distressful on your emotions. Seeing your elders suffer, sometimes at the hands of ineffective decision making can lead to feelings of disappointment because we always had higher expectations on them based on how we were raised. You find yourself becoming the parent or the more competent adult in the room. I agree 100% with Dave in that while it is an honorable thing to do in the short run, it is definitely an unsustainable lifestyle to live in the long term; our life's potential for greatness becomes less and less realized. Care-taking for family is also just flat-out financial suicide between the cost of providing for them while being not being able to elevate your own productivity. Not to mention, you miss out on the more priceless moments in life like love, marriage, travel, socializing, and so much more.

[@elizabethblane201]

Your experience proves how unsustainable it is. Anyone who swears to "take care of my mom 100%" has never actually done it for even one week.

[@willelliott5052]

Aches and pains? Really? I am getting the impression that both his parents are irresponsible and are taking advantage of the one child whom they have not already turned against them.

[@laurarincon9802]

Sounds like my in laws 😂

[@megalodon1726]

Most people that age have aches and pains, but most don't let that stop them from taking care of themselves. His mother probably can and would take care of herself and his dad if she had to, but she doesn't because she has a young son in the house. If he moved out and paid somebody a few hundred dollars a month to show up once or twice a week to do the more physical chores in the house, she'd step up and take care of the rest.

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

What she means is she can't be bothered. Only late 60s - utterly pathetic.

[@brianasche6406]

Aches and pains? I have patients that still work with multiple chronic illnesses.

[@raccuia1]

Indeed. Sounds like the parents are pieces of work.

[@michellemorford349]

With a $3000/month income, these parents have a better than a average social security income. He shouldn’t need to support them honestly. If he’s paying all the housing costs, then I wonder where their money is going to?

[@AC-jm6yf]

Exactly what I was thinking..

[@whyme7996]

medical...it is insane how expensive it is to take care of elderly parents. He needs to check into Medicaid assistance

[@michelleadams5609]

God will honor his commitment to support his family. I hope the caller does eventually get the support he needs. I have an 80 year old father who still works 60 hours work weeks because he loves to work. Mom and dad are young enough to redeem their health. Sounds more of a spiritual problem than a financial where the parents are OK to take advantage of the good son.

[@Buggu3]

My mother was 39 yrs I was 21 working and giving her wat ever she needs, bcuz I thought I was obligated to do it bcuz she helped me with my son… I eventually took my son wen he was 14 to live with me.. I paid off a house for my mother took care of her house billz wen she quit her job and all…. Now I’m 35 and have another baby and I’m not able to give her the world any more… she don’t care about me any more not even the new baby bcuz she so bitter that I have another child and she can’t relax and take full advantage of me any more. Our relationship went south

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Sorry...she used you. Shame on her! May God Bless you

[@castlequay2327]

shes a narcissist

[@elizabethblane201]

"What would be the next best step . . . ?" was his question. The elephant in the room is that his parents never planned for their future and are now taking advantage of him, and he is letting them do that.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Plus they are spending too much

[@Tashas_Travels]

This is “parent tax” where you now have to sacrifice your future for the future of others”. I got myself out of this situation and told my mom she’s on her own coz she started taking advantage of me and only loved me when money was involved, if there was no money she’d hate me and turn my brothers against me, I cut them all off this year.

[@buffymcmuffin5361]

I admire your courage and strength!

[@indigogirl5172]

Good. I was the family scapegoat. I left. Moved to another state. Love it. My mother needs to reap where she has sewn good seeds. It definitely was not with me. She threw me to the wolves. I hope for her sake my brothers who she coddled will care for her.

[@ke6264]

I’m sure that had to be hard but you had to do what you had to do

[@jsimp4050]

My parents planned very well and have paid into long term care. I’m am grateful for this as they get older because my sibling would not help me care for them financially if the need arose. I respect people who are in this man’s position. It’s becoming more common.

[@michelhanson1500]

Tough situation......he's a very good man for doing all that. A very good honorable man. Best thing he can do is to make lots of money. It won't be easy but he has to do what really pays around his area.

[@ViaMirage]

Pretty sure everyone would make lots of money if they could 😅

[@michelhanson1500]

@@ViaMirage Exactly what I always say

[@jimroscovius]

It's not honorable to be run over and taken advantage of. My parents are 93 and 90, and living in a duplex with money they saved over their lives. No pension, just savings.

[@elizabethblane201]

Wrong. He's been brainwashed by the very people who should have trained him to go out and make his own life, while they were preparing for their own futures. An honorable man would lovingly set boundaries and guide his parents not to enslave others. They are parasites, actually.

[@oshiondagreat2306]

This is my exact situation. I'm the bread winner but everyone outside the situation thinks im a bum. Ive even had people have the audacity to chastise me for being jobless and living with them EVEN THOUGH I AM GAINFULLY EMPLOYED. My days off are also used to do errands for them which ruins my plans for other business ventures that put money in my pocket. Im almost in tears everynight but i cant just leave them to fend for themselves considering how ill they are. Ill try to figure it out somehow

[@karimbennett5651]

I think his siblings should be pitching in financially, even though they live out of town. The parents could, perhaps, go into some sort of senior living residence, with home health care assistance.

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

Like a parental child support.

[@startingtech3900]

live in senior homes are 9000$ a month, they are on social security they wont be able to afford it,

[@izzie999]

People rarely consider that there could be a history of abuse, neglect or alienation from the parents when the siblings were younger that led to them now not being a part of the parents' lives in their adulthood. In such cases it should not be *expected* that they should contribute to the parents' care in any way🤷‍♂️ The caller may be the only remaining child of theirs who cares / carries a sense of responsibility. At least they seem to acknowledge and accept that they are on their own. That said, it will be a small life for the caller if they choose to continue this until the parents pass away - they do it out of a sense of obligation, but no potential partner with sense would sign up to join them

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

@@izzie999 But what does that state about the partner if they, too, do not end up taking care of their parents? There is a reason why there are in laws. Two people are able to make it in life, each helping the other give their parents the best good byes. In fact, before nursing homes, etc., the kids would take care of their parents.

[@karenhardie1132]

Medicaid nursing homes are horrible. There are home health aides that can come in and help for a few hours to give you a break. I admire his responsibility when many people dump their parents into nursing homes.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

They aren't ready for a nursing home. There are a lot of low income housing places and low income assisted living places. They need to get on a list and let their son have his own life. Parents who are willing to live off their kids are despicable in my eyes. I am 87 and I would live under a bridge before I would impose on my children who have enough of their own problems.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@marycarricaburu3683 I am the exact same way as you. 👍 I currently don't have kids but if I did, I would never expect my kids to take care of me. A child did not have a choice to be born, it's the parents who made the decision to have kids, so it's selfish and irresponsible to later expect your kids to be your retirement fund. These types of expectations causes a lot of grief, turmoil, stress and heartache for the kids and their spouses. It literally holds their future back from success because they're stuck taking care of you (the parents). That's why I'm focusing on my own retirement who I won't become a burden to anyone. If I get old and can't take care of myself, I'll just hire a care taker because I'll have the money to do so due to being financially prepared.

[@TheCobruhAlienat0r]

@@marycarricaburu3683 They'd have to sell the house first and spend all of the money from the proceeds of the house before they would qualify for any that.

[@elizabethblane201]

He didn't even say what shape they're in. They just might be lazy and expect him to do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry while they watch TV all day. Or are they immobile and need help with bathing, dressing etc? He said his mom has "aches and pains". So does everyone! Poor boy is just brainwashed by his parasitic parents.

[@runningdebate2670]

Aches and pains, what does that even mean? Sounds like she's never worked a day in her life.

[@ghostmane2643]

Sounds like arthritis, which is a debilitating disease. I hope you never live the day to see your parents go through it.

[@runningdebate2670]

@@ghostmane2643 If that was it I'm sure he would have said that, not aches and pains.

[@definedsinner8669]

@@ghostmane2643 just lazy people don’t make excuses,

[@professional.commentator]

It depends. Elderly people get arthritis all the time but they may not know they have it until it's too late.

[@ghostmane2643]

@@definedsinner8669 one could say the same of someone who uploads video game videos 🤣

[@mikesmith-wk7vy]

That poor guy his parents are putting a huge burden on him with their poor financial planning. My mom takes care of my grandma, she has mobility issues but my grandpa well before he died did excellent financial planning and walked my mom through it all so now my grandmother is stable on that front and is not a burden financially to my mother just care wise

[@beckypetersen2680]

My mom lives well under that amount and she is 89 in a house. I'd recommend maybe they move to FL in a trailer - would be much cheaper. Many wonderful couples live in those trailer parks year round. if mom just has "aches and pains" - that's not really needing round the clock care.

[@jphickory522]

This young man is a treasure. I support his loyalty. One never regrets taking care of their parents.

[@LinzyLinz7]

Regret? Idk but it's very very hard and emotionally draining 😓😭

[@scarpfish]

Except they do when they have to impede their own life to manage it, and they are being saddled with a disproportionate amount of the burden, if not all of it, while their siblings get to go start careers and families. Two thirds of the caregiving in this country is done by family members, often by someone who takes themselves out of the workforce to do it, which may have devastating impacts on their ability to be prepared for their own old age issues.

[@purpleviolet207]

I never regretted taking care of my parents but it was physically and emotionally draining.

[@random-nz7dy]

I don't know that I would say nobody would regret that. I mean if your parents basically guilt you into never having a life of your own and you spend your life up until your 50s and 60s taking care of your parents and then you don't have a life of your own and now you have no kids or grandkids, are you really going to not have some regrets that you didn't move on with your life?

[@DoctorRickSanchez]

_31? young?😭😭_

[@ke6264]

This makes me so glad that my parents are active have a retirement and have a home. I wish this caller well.

[@chedbeckford8067]

I'm so happy that my parents don't expect me to throw my life away to take care of them. It's important that children make a life for themselves, the same way that the parents did. And the parents that make their children feel obligated to take care of them are disgraceful

[@TonicBlade]

It's nice he's helping his parents but I feel like there is details missing. They are getting a little under $3k monthly but have their kid paying their expenses? Do they have a lot of debt ? It's good the caller will be able to get out of one of his biggest debts . Seems like the caller wanted to know the next step of saving. (3-6 month emergency savings for expenses then 15% towards retirement funds). My parents are both forced retirement due to disabilities and make less SSI then the callers parents. They are very independent and wouldn't want their adult child still living with them lol. I do help them out when I can. Sometimes it's little things that will help make their life better. Most of the time they don't want to ask for any help

[@rayc3103]

What a good son

[@ThreePinkButtons]

This situation is common amongst immigrants who came with nothing but the clothes on their back and weren't educated on saving for retirement :/

[@jvilla0793]

Yes! 💯. I disagree with Dave and many of there people in the comments on this one. The parents did so much to get their kids there

[@professional.commentator]

Yep! That's basically my family and I know a lot of other families that are like that as well.

[@jvilla0793]

@@professional.commentator yes my family too. I swear some people are so privileged sometimes.

[@Primitive_Code]

yes but I don't think he's an immigrant. Also, this taking care of your parents, eastern style of family and relations has proven to be a failure. Compare the US households with some of those other eastern countries and even Mexico, in the US households are independent, they don't support or rely on extended families and they tend to become very successful specially financially and the offspring do well as well as a result.

[@cody5596]

Is anyone in the US really educated on saving for retirement? I know I never was and my parents will not need any support from me in retirement. I am only good with my finances due to my own research and interest. I do come from a privileged position but I was also never taught anything about personal finance or saving for retirement. I’m not saying it’s their fault, I’m just saying it isn’t talked about or taught enough.

[@Jim_Curtis]

The parents' job is supposed to raise their child to live on their own and eventually support their own family, not to take care of the parents when they're old. Parents who burden their kids with supporting them in retirement, because they did not plan ahead well enough, handicap their kids' and grandkids' futures.

[@professional.commentator]

Asian parents are the worst culprits of this.

[@jvilla0793]

I respect your opinion but different cultures see it differently.

[@GiftyBargains]

You should take care of your parents when they get old just like how they cared of you when you were little.

[@jvilla0793]

@@professional.commentator are you Asian?

[@Jim_Curtis]

@@professional.commentator Yes they are. I'm Asian American and have several friends who are burdened having to support their own families as well as elderly parents who had nothing saved for retirement.

[@JFDSmit-rm6tw]

During my early military years, I rented my own room from my parents. And I am grateful that they treated me as another renter in that line. Had to buy my own food also. Although the rent for all tenants included supper every day, breakfast and lunch were our own to sort out.

[@fhuber7507]

"Dear Mom and Dad: Get jobs. Live within your income. I'm not your retirement plan."

[@fhuber7507]

BTW the days of "eating Alpo on Social Security" are over. It's easy to find a place and live on the social security check. It might not be where you WANT to live. But it is enough to pay for a place to live, heat, water, AC, and food.

[@mirabella2154]

Have any of you ever been in a senior home? It's worse than death. His parents can consider themselves to be very lucky to have him. Cause that's not the norm. The vast majority of the seniors are literally dumped and at maximum get visitations once a year for five minutes. And you might consider the way you treat your parents is the way your children will treat you.

[@adel19997]

YES!!!!

[@RichV20]

Have you lived with your parents in your 30s? Worse than death.

[@dlyras]

Let me guess. You have nothing saved for retirement.

[@emmyty]

God will bless him for this. Such an example of picking up your cross. The world rarely sees this type of sacrifice.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

nonsense.

[@MrZeusyMoosey]

Nah. This is mom and dad not doing their jobs

[@jphickory522]

Well said Emily

[@Buggu3]

Yup!

[@elizabethblane201]

I'm not buyin' it . . . It's called child abuse.

[@n.w.414]

I wonder what the callers question was. I don’t think he ever got to say it.

[@mindfulness5475]

He needs to find a way to take care of his parents as well as starting his own family and having his own life.

[@LinzyLinz7]

Rough. I have been in a similar situation except I'm the only child. Dave is right, you need to find an exit ramp. I've been doing this for 10 years now living under the same roof and it truly is not sustainable. But my husband and I have finally decided to simplify our life and overhead so we can utilize excess income to subsidize my mom's income. This will be a line item in our budget and allow us to live our own lives and dreams. Hope it works!

[@FortuneSeek3rz]

How did you tell your parents they were going to an assisted living facility?

[@georgewagner7787]

My mom had to go bc she fell and didn't tell anyone. We made arrangements when she was in rehab.

[@pkc3168]

Absolute solid wisdom from Dave.

[@adamseidel9780]

If he’s going to do this, and I wouldn’t do this, then he needs to be getting equity in the house, at a minimum, both from his payments he’s making for the expenses and for the work he’s doing in caretaking. You could also sell the house and move into a smaller place with a granny apartment, something like that, where the parents are living with HIM in his extra space instead of vice versa. And that’s being very, very generous assuming these mid 60s “aches and pains” are actually a real debilitating injury and not just laziness.

[@kara2162]

This is sad. He is giving up his chance of having a family of his own.

[@catherinewilke5583]

Mom has aches and pains so caller pays their way 😂

[@TheAhmedvienna]

Dave is right. Siblings must help him. They should pool in some resources to get them the care they need. But it's a very tough situation.

[@KS-cl8br]

No they don't have to help. It is each ones choice to help or not. The parents could have planned better.

[@robloxvids2233]

@@KS-cl8br So Dave says he shouldn't help his parents but his siblings (and him) have to? Nice logic. For all we know his siblings have cut off the parents for being abusive or toxic. Dave lives in fantasyland. Kids don't have to help their parents.

[@KS-cl8br]

@@robloxvids2233 I said it is their choice they don't have to. OP says they do not me. I am pro choice.

[@elizabethblane201]

I think the other siblings see what parasites the parents are and don't want to get involved in the situation. The son is the sucker in all of this and his parents are manipulative opportunists. Sad.

[@Longjohnsilver58]

Great advice!!! Well done Dave.

[@JJaani]

Keep taking care of your parents till the END.

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

[@preciousgemini3578]

At the rate he's going, his end may come sooner than later

[@elizabethblane201]

The end of what? The relationship? When he is so angry when he fully. realizes how they took advantage of him and has no change to make a life for himself?

[@lakreshiagadison4020]

I am a person who live this,it cause so much problems ,I had to many co- dependents on me ,I had a breakdown & end up cut family out so I can be mentally well.

[@PInk77W1]

“Kindness to a father in his age will not be forgotten.” Ecclesiasties chap. 3

[@radolfkalis4041]

His siblings will not speak to him/about it because they don't want to contribute. YOU are taking care of them brother, YOU KEEP taking care of them.

[@hanifjones4914]

I'm just concerned about him going at it alone.

[@janhatcher6991]

I don't know if they have a house, but you could sell the house get them into a foster home to where they're taking care of and you can go and live your life. I agree with everything Dave said.

[@MariaInIowa]

I think a good question to ask him would be, let's say you marry and you have four kids, and you and your wife find yourselves in poor health. Would you want one of your kids to do what you have done, put his or her life on hold indefinitely out of a sense of "duty"?

[@youngcastor7111]

Saddened by this potentially toxic situation.

[@bullonwallstreet]

Dave's advice. Lukewarm as usual. Do what's best for you brother. If you can't handle them being around in your life so be it, but if you like it or can deal with it then stick with them as long as they live. If you want to grow into a bigger house or something like a duplex, compound or mother in law suite do that when you have a family. My advice isn't the best, but neither is Dave's and do what's best for you.

[@jcherestal]

You wrote a whole paragraph about nothing Utterly useless

[@bullonwallstreet]

@@jcherestal You can read it again. I know it takes time for things to sink in. I'm not trying to write the most profound statement here my friend. I was writing a blanket paragraph that covers not only him, but anyone in this situation. I've been in the situation before personally so I know exactly how hard this life can be for someone.

[@TheSunshinefee]

he needs therapy. he is co-dependent.

[@5trace]

They aren't even that old most people that age are still working some and certainly taking care of themselves travelling etc. They are taking advantage of their sons good nature.

[@FortuneSeek3rz]

The caller said they had ailments. If we just assume they are in poor health and have not been cleared to go back to work it makes sense.

[@samihdaifallah3590]

Buy a 4 plex and and give them a unit they can live of them sss and that’s it their is no need to send them away because you kids will do the same

[@KS-cl8br]

Why not save his money so he doesn't burden his kids like his parents are burdening him.

[@TheCobruhAlienat0r]

Sounds like the parents need to sell the house and move into an apartment, assuming they don't live somewhere like California where a roach infested studio apartment would cost as much as they make in SS, then they can have the rent and basic expenses covered by SS and use the proceeds from the house as their retirement.

[@yurireyes176]

Honor heart 💖💖💖 this man deserves a good Life

[@MontyQueues]

this is probably the hardest stories to listen to... because it's one of those, lose lose situations on one hand, if you choose to support your family, you'll never achieve a personal happiness by not following your dreams and walking the path you wish to... on the other hand, if you choose to walk your own path... you'll have to live with the resentment of leaving your family behind, similar to a situation where you run for the boat instead of defending your family from invaders it's a lose lose situation ... ?

[@LASKANDUDE]

He’s a nice guy but not a realist.

[@samihdaifallah3590]

I am in the same situation

[@KS-cl8br]

The situation you are allowing yourself to be in.

[@samihdaifallah3590]

@@KS-cl8br my dad provided a good life and education I would love to pay the favor back

[@dlyras]

@@samihdaifallah3590 It was his decision to have you and once you are born then it is his duty to make sure you are capable to start your own life. Stop making him out to be some kind of hero. It was not a favor, it was his duty!

[@thomask8298]

"Just go and spend money on rent because its what you should do" Dave doesn't get it

[@n1k01k0]

This man is more honorable than Dave and the commenters who don’t see it. May he find a woman who loves him BECAUSE of his sense of duty and may God bless him enormously for the care he is providing. He doesn’t sound bitter and his parents don’t sound like they did anything exceptionally wrong to be in the position of needing help. His question wasn’t even about his parents so you all are whining because you aren’t willing to be this kind!!!

[@beepist5000]

Young willing women in 2022 have zero interest in men that live with there parents regardless of context.

[@SomnambulistCraze]

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” (Ex. 20:12.)

[@cooperscreditconsultingint6792]

Amen!

[@terriesmith2616]

Honoring your parents doesn't entail taking care of them financially. Honoring thy parents could mean show them respect and gratitude. It doesn't mean to financially fund their retirement.

[@SomnambulistCraze]

@@terriesmith2616 ​ @Terrie Smith his parents are sick. how do you think they are paying those medical bills? it's not about funding their retirement. It's about helping his ailing father. he should be having this conversation with his parents not dave. asking them how he can help but still have his own sense of self.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@SomnambulistCraze I'm not talking about the caller. I was speaking in general. Taking care of your parents financially is a choice that each child has to make. It's a personal choice. Whichever ever way you choose, it's up to you, because it's personal to everyone. I'm speaking in general about parents who expect their children to fund their retirement which can cause tremendous harm to their future, that's why it's so important for people to be financially independent _before_ you have children. Are you a parent? If so, do you expect your kids to financially support you?

[@SomnambulistCraze]

@@terriesmith2616 I was talking about the caller. I didn't like how dave told him he disagreed with him taking care of his parents 10-20 years from now. To each their own. I'll take care of my mom, you go put yours in a nursing home and let her die surrounded by strangers.

[@Deirdre-w5b]

I admire him this man .Until you walk insomeones shoes You will never understand

[@mikesmith-wk7vy]

If he is that dedicated the parents need to sell the house help him buy one big enough for them to live with him and use the rest for their medical bills. My parents added on for my Mawmaw to move in when she needed help but she is financially ok to pay her own medical bills and even buys groceries for my parents

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

That sounds different. Mutually beneficial in a grown up way...

[@Varadex1]

Why can they not live on 3k a month?

[@IAMSatisfied]

First, I don't know the specifics of this older couple, so I can't comment on their case. But generally speaking, there is an exploding obesity epidemic in the Western world. The bible speaks very negatively regarding gluttony... today we call it obesity. It does not honor the Creator for humans to waddle around unable to take care of themselves, bless others & dying an early death. In too many churches the sacrament has been replaced with coffee & donuts. Good health is a/the major part of wealth accumulation & wise stewardship. Generally speaking, we in America have turned our backs on God & His principles, and the effects of this can be seen in many ways... health being one of them.

[@DerrickOil]

Wish I heard this call 10 years ago!

[@elchapojr6219]

They can live like kings I’m Mexico with 3k a month

[@FortuneSeek3rz]

The homicide rate in Mexico is 4x what it is in the U.S.

[@PlanBMarketing]

Really? No moral obligation to provide for you parents? Honor you father and mother?? What am I missing?

[@xsczero0]

😒 es estar nadando contracorriente todo el tiempo si no trabajas no hay dinero y sin dinero no hay tiempo . con 3000 es suficiente dinero como para vivir bien como un pobre pero vives bien solo hay que saver administrarlo

[@mikejohn3265]

Im in this situation sorta. I have my own place and i m struggling to start my new career. Im nervous moving out of my home town because i cant do much in a different state.

[@EAAAA1505]

I would marry Jared. He sounds like a great man :)

[@doublet8142]

Wow... very tough position..😒

[@thesig301]

$3000/month from social security that’s most definitely enough for the basic necessities…

[@ruthirwin8222]

I agree with Dave they should have organised their retirement

[@jerryvillagrana4130]

This call is a bad look for Dave. These parents raised this young man well enough that he refuses to abandon them in a time of need, but they are failures in life because they are lower income. Why not advise how to manage their expenses and live on SS instead. Looking out for family is a virtue.

[@shanejaredberezowski5467]

There is no way a woman would get herself involved in this situation.

[@coltsgood99]

I’m tired of hearing people who give answers like Dave’s and chalking it up to “you just need to basically abandon your parents and go work hard endlessly” for wages that don’t buy anything anymore, rather than getting the idea that just this entire financial system needs to change. This is why we need globalization and better sharing of resources throughout the world and to not treat people, food, housing, education, and medical care as simple investments and opportunities for profit. We just destroy fellow humans and waste each other’s potential with everything being behind a paywall

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

You need to watch the video on "do what dave ramsey does and not what he says" HILARIOUS!

[@Thomas-gq2tv]

They're can get a caretaker, to come to the home to care for them.

[@naca1553]

I bet the mom is way overweight, hasn’t exercised and isn’t doing much to get healthier. I also bet they’ve been irresponsible with their home size and could easily live in a much smaller place. There’s a lot more to this story we didn’t find out. Dave did not give reasons why this is unsustainable.

[@s1234pro]

This young man should want to have a life for himself. He's sacrificing too much for the sake of his parents.

[@ainsleerubino9711]

Wow that is so hard

[@mariposavioleta9007]

I've been a supporter of your method and use it myself but to make assumptions about it being their fault they're not well is unfair Dave. That was a very generalized explanation of why his parents are sick and there are plenty of people who do the right thing health wise and still end up sick with chronic illnesses whether it be autoimmune or something else. It's actually quite biblical to take care of his parents and still make something happen in his own life. Also to assume that it's the parents who did something wrong that the kids don't talk to them is wrong as well. I know plenty of parents who have kids that are the prodigal son type who the parents did things right and the kids just think they know better. If your kids had taken that route I wouldn't assume you did something wrong rather look at the whole situation and seeing that you've done things by the right path and for whatever reason they thought they knew better doesn't mean it's your fault the same as with those parents.

[@garybrown4753]

Is 3000 dollars not alot of money

[@jimroscovius]

It's not your responsibility that your parents didn't plan and save. Why weren't you helping them save and plan years ago? The siblings need to step up. The Lord doesn't want you to do that either. It is not honorable to be constantly run over.

[@ccjdis]

His parents provide $3000 monthly.

[@jokerharley1271]

What happened to the black dude

[@GuruChaz]

This guy's life is stuck. His parents need to go to assisted living and this dude needs to get his own life and get married. Is it honorable or it is failure to launch?

[@Olorin-wp9it]

Ah yes, the American way. Live your life and to hell with everyone else. I commend the man who called for honoring his parents and his willingness to sacrifice. The Lord will surely bless him in this life and the next just as He promissed.

[@shells500tutubo]

No, God helps those who helps themselves. He is going to wind up broke and alone after spending his youth taking care of people who are takers with no regard for their son. His other siblings already recognize tis. Dave never did get into what the issues were in this one, like WHY the other sibs won't take care of them.

[@darrenroberts637]

Face ur wring

[@johnmirbach2338]

🤓🖖✌👍👌😎

[@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303]

And that is A okay. Keep the $ in the family or else lose it to a stranger fefail!

[@MrsThollo]

It always gets me when people immediately assumes an adult child living with their parents were getting "free rent". I even know people in high school who were the breadwinners.

[@dchrysostom]

That’s sad..high school

[@joshrivera1168]

That’s because it’s mostly true in this day and age.

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

Well, as an Asian, it is also cultural for us. We live with our parents and we help pay the bills if they are not that rich. But then, my parents did pay for my schooling until college. They also provided for most of my needs and wants when I was young. We generally take care of them in their old age as well and it is not really a big deal because it is part of our culture. It is just different.

[@shineymcshine5026]

@@whatevergoesforme5129 which sucks for most of Americans because we don’t really find this type of culture as accepting but odd (which it shouldn’t be) & its literally a respectful culture!

[@whatevergoesforme5129]

@@shineymcshine5026 American culture is more individualistic and this mindset has helped Americans innovate and create new products/services so that is one pro of your culture. Any culture will have their pros and cons but it is better for all cultures to treat another culture as different from theirs instead of what I usually see--their culture vs my culture. I'd rather we incorporate the good from all cultures or even compromise when needed. In today's materialistic me-first world, maybe we should go back to the basics of making the family valuable again while being responsible for our actions. As far as I know, in the past, Americans did value the family and even though being independent was also valued, the community and the family were not always sacrificed for individual pursuits of happiness. Little House on the Prairie comes to mind.

[@WALTERWEYBURN]

I did it Myself for 18 years, and no it's not a life you want to live in. God Bless You

[@conniebarrick8265]

I agree, my older selfish sister and my mother decided for me at a young age of 21 yrs and already at home taking care of my father, to do the same thing. I overheard this decision between them. Well, they decided my future for me, I had no choice. I prayed to God that night, to please help me to have a fulfilled life, because mom wasn't thinking right. My older sister never did help out, just like this young man's siblings. Well, God heard my prays, and unfortunately, three weeks later my father died, he was sick for so many years, and I was there every step of the way, because I really did love my him. Dave Ramsey so very correct, listen to him, you're not selfish, you deserve a life, God took over my life and I appreciate that!

[@YappieKitchen]

Ramsey is right on. Young ppl deserve to find love and settle down and build a family and future.

[@tonyisit37]

aches and pains are not a health issue , its called getting old .

[@BetYouHateMeNow]

yeah if you don't take care of yourself

[@yarrdayarrdayarrda]

I envision two 350 pound smokers.

[@buckybarnes3803]

Yeah and they got $35k coming in..

[@superblump87]

350 pound smokers make it to their 60s?

[@richfounder8661]

As a parent, if I am getting $3K for SS benefits monthly, I won't live with an adult kid.

[@aolvaar8792]

So, what would you do? $1200(mom) + $1800(dad) = $3K

[@marycarricaburu3683]

@@aolvaar8792 There are plenty of places you can live on that amount of money. If you are in an expensive area, get on a list for low income housing.

[@mikemcbeth3216]

All it takes is one fall

[@joycew.6531]

@@aolvaar8792 Sell the house and move into a studio apartment for less than 1k a month....

[@aolvaar8792]

@@marycarricaburu3683 In my city of 500K, 43 months waiting list. if I am getting $3K, I I I , It's if my wife and I are getting $3K

[@Coach__B]

Some nationalities expect this from their children. It's freaking sad. I couldn't imagine making my kids do this.

[@johnnhoj15]

Yup, they feel like it's owed to them too.

[@laurarincon9802]

Sadly it is true

[@terriesmith2616]

Exactly! 💯💯💯 Some feel they are entitled to it. Their children _are_ their retirement fund.

[@experimentalinvestor2560]

to be fair, it's much more effed up to just leave your parents in the home for the agents when they're old and useless.

[@themarinect]

Don't blame this on culture. No parents would want it from their children. It's their choice at the end of the day

[@DoctorSmartyPants]

I have aches and pains and I'm in my sixties and I'm working!

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

Even my kids have aches and pains.

[@elizabethblane201]

Everyone has aches and pains! But we keep working to NOT become a burden on our children.

[@ADR7707]

I commend him for taking care of his parents. Ten to twenty years from now, the parents will be in worse shape, mentally and physically. This is what happens when parents don't have a plan, as if they don't know that they will get older. It's really selfish. Their kids are their plan.

[@Josh1Speed]

Parents, your children owe you NOTHING!!! My mom feels this way. “You’re going to take care of me when I’m old.” (Aka I’m allowed to be financially irresponsible and then depend on you…). My children owe me nothing. I will never put any financial responsibilities on them, it is my job to take care of myself and set them up to lead their own life.

[@JAM609]

Yeah it’s really too bad how many parents have more children to take care of the children they already have. Children raising siblings. Children being in permanent debt to their parents.

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

Bingo.

[@kindredkey]

Yep, my mom does this too... drives me wild because I know it's wrong but I love her... DIFFICULT POSITION TO BE PUT IN... will not do this to my daughter!

[@TheUzamaki1234]

Mom is this way as well.

[@bettysmith4527]

hmm, sounds like at least the mother is allergic to work... time for part time jobs!

[@gecn9685]

Yes. The sense of laziness and entitlement is high here

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

@@saulgoodman2018 I heard 'aches and pains'. Lol.

[@elizabethblane201]

@@saulgoodman2018 Yes, the mom has aches and pain, like we all do.