I Think My Parent Is A Sociopath: Cluster Traits & Traumatic Behaviors | Psychotherapy Crash Course

[@GypsyJulie]

Thank you Dr Tamara! So helpful. The more I learn about what the heck was going on, the more I heal.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! I agree! Me too.😊

[@sah-nae]

Yes exactly.... Me too ✨

[@mirivmd]

proud of you! every version of you deserves peace

[@gman-zf4dt]

My father fits cluster b perfectly. He re-writes history in his mind to justify his behaviours and its really frustrating. Trying to explain logically gets me nowhere. I think the only way to deal with it is to not have him in my life. I really appreciate your video... its really hard. I'm an adult and its only a small bit easier then it was as a child.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's interesting that you would say this because a lot of people believe cluster b is for females only. The result of this lack of knowledge is that doctors do not diagnose men with cluster b when they should be diagnosed. This leads to men being mislabled and mistreated. That then hurts the families who have to deal with them.

[@gman-zf4dt]

@@TherapistTamaraHill He also has physically abused several women, including my mother. Luckily, when i was an infant my mother left him so I would not endure such a life. Also, he Is easily offended, often at imagined or exaggerated slights. Why would anyone believe men can not suffer this neurosis, but women can? That seems silly to me.

[@brooke_ibarra]

My mom is both a sociopath and has borderline personality disorder. I always wondered why she didn't, or rather couldn't, love me. Thank you for this video.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry to hear this Brooke. Very hard. And you're welcome! I wish you the best.

[@aura420.]

Respectfully, I don't think these two can go hand in hand

[@drebugsita]

I wonder if mine is but I have no way of knowing. Did you deduce yours was or did she see a specialist?

[@SSMITH-so6fn]

Wow, you nailed it. The bias towards the child and looking at the child as the abuser. All facts well done. I like how you focused on the Cluster B traits and not gender.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤓 Thank you. Cluster B traits are so difficult to live with as a developing child. It's trsumatic to say the least.

[@ryanalkove2346]

@@TherapistTamaraHill My son was called a bully by CPS after my ex assaulted him. It was my fault he was questioning her, it was my son's fault for acting out after she would disappear for 2-3 days at a time and he'd wonder "where's mom?" CPS's example of my son bullying was this: My son "was bullying in Ms. Grant's presence. For instance, he would ask his mother where she was and what she was doing when she was gone overnight on some weekends." The CPS worker also left out the actual incidents in the report I have - only noting his mom went for his throat 1 time, when it happened more than once and I have the audio to prove it.

[@lesliel.6260]

I'm the daughter of a psychopathic narcissist ex dad, unless you have delt with a cluster b personality disordered person as a parent you can't begin to understand the nightmare, destruction, and despair that such a person brings!

[@cosmicreef5858]

People can understand what matters. You do not need personal trauma for that

[@brooklynjade]

Great. So I was raised by a Cluster A/B sociopath. And went on to choose and marry a Dismissive Avoidant narcissist who lacked the ability to empathize. No wonder I am completely and utterly f*cked up. My whole life has come into sharp focus since I began watching these videos, and it is a lot to digest and swallow. Thank you Tamara as always for the continued enlightenment. I truly do appreciate it and hope that you are feeling better. Oh, and what you said about those without an innate sense of empathy being unable to learn, is absolutely true. I have personal experience dealing with someone who lacked the ability to discern when/where or even how to demonstrate concern or care. I spent years trying to teach him, needless to say it was a waste of my time.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you Brooklyn!😊 I appreciate that. Really glad these videos are helpful. You know...it isn't uncommon to go on and marry or date someone similar to that unstable and personality disordered parent. It's a scary pattern and resesrch isn't 100% clear on why. But I might discuss this at some point too.🤔

[@slimdusty6328]

@@TherapistTamaraHill 👌 ohh that would be great

[@dianeibsen5994]

Yup. I can relate

[@serenaeyre3562]

You have no idea how long I searched for this information! I knew, I just knew his not caring was somehow related to some narcissistic traits, but hearing it from a specialist, it is so important! I came across the notion of Neglectful narcissists some months ago and that started to make sense, but this..is ground breaking! THANK YOU from my heart

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

:) ❤ Thank you! I'm very glad you found this video. Validation and clarity means so much when you feel hurt beyond measure without a fully understanding why.

[@loridontcaretotellu6497]

Very informative video, Tamara! Not only was I thinking of my former stepfather, mom, dad and brother but also our president. I dare say he's got SOMETHING going on, but not quite sure what! I am glad I can't diagnose him! But anyway, have a great rest of your day!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! Glad this was helpful. Oh...I agree with that 😳 lol

[@bethsimm3144]

This helps me understand so much more about the people ive grown up with and its kind of tidied up the mixed understanding of each of them thank you

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's great to hear!! You're welcome.

[@Bunbunn-o1l]

My heart goes out to all people in the comments. Love you all

[@BBFCCO733]

My father is a sociopath. How do I protect myself? My entire life is a nightmare. I always fear he will do something bad to me.

[@edmondvalmont1546]

I would move to another house (if not that you’re already living in another house) or in case I know the police is gonna give me the reason, put a restraining order on him. Also, tell your friends so they know if something bad happens to you it’s his fault. Also make him know that your friends know his intentions, like that he knows everything he’d do he’ll be seen as the main suspect. Hope you’re okay now.

[@Cewdipie]

Samee I'm scared

[@lyrastrseed3343]

GET AWAY FAR FAR AWAY THEY WILL SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU TILL YOU’RE A VESSEL

[@kaladriuz]

People with autism doesn't lack empathy, most times it may even be more empathic.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

This might be helpful. It varies. I'll make that clear in future discussions: www.verywellhealth.com/do-people-with-autism-lack-empathy-259887

[@barbaramarshall5271]

I can only speak for myself and for my family on the autistic spectrum and I hope its not speaking out of turn. I have yet to see the whole video. I know that empathy can be taught and that emotional regulation is most definitely a need when it comes to autism. My children are very kind, empathic human beings, however their grandmother my mum is something else. For a lady with myself with autism and my three children with special needs including my son Damon, who is in a wheelchair with severe disabilities and my two daughters who are both autistic, she has no empathy or kindness at all. I really don't think she has a heart or any compassion in her whole body. Even my son in his wheelchair and non verbal has more empathy, heart, kindness and compassion in his whole body than she could ever have. The worst thing is that all of it is actually true, I wish I had runaway years ago. She needs a mental health facility or jail.

[@e_i_e_i_bro]

Autistics typically lack cognitive empathy. Affective empathy is functional.

[@pri22v11]

Amazing!! You literally nailed it! Thank you for the validation

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome!! And thank you. Glad this was helpful.

[@fairygurl9269]

I am Learning to Transform My High at Times Have been Crippling Level of Empathy into Compassion For Myself as well as Others, which is Much More Helpful for all involved vs me Feeling thier Pain and Encompassing that with My Own... To Learn and Radically Accept my own Trauma History, and to Model Loving Personal Boundaries in Healthier Ways💗 Thanks to all the Wonderful Resources Im Expieriencing now, Such as Yourself!

[@slimdusty6328]

I feel sad and also ashamed to admit that i fear that these sociopath problem are quite widespread among my own family, and even also most the people who we grew up among within our cult background. Some things that i note that they'll do, is things like drinking and driving, and going so far as to even end up with killing people,in road accidents they'll be involved in, and then they'd still feel offended themselves whenever the law would act to judge and penalize them.They'll react, to the penalty, as if its the law whats overreacting and therefore would then be the one in the wrong.They'll see it as an attack from outsiders. And then tend to foster the persecuted mentality. They'll break up families, cause people to suffer to high long lasting levels(many times, even for the full length, of their whole lifetime), through acts of shunning and complete-loss of family-love and so on, so that a fair number of the-people who have been directly connected to the group, have even gone ahead and commited suicide, and of those that haven't committed suicide there are also still plenty of others who will have at least made-attempts at suicide. Including all my own siblings (5 siblings) I really don't know quite what to think about it. For one thing, our government are been allowing it to occur. They'll class it as freedom if religion, even although there is truly very little freedom ever involved. Our governments will even go so far as to also reward these groups, through charity status. I personally believe that there are very few of us who are not inclined to show these sociopath traits, to some extent. Some of us more, or less, than what some others will. I expect that this could be to do with the theory that the trait is now being passed on within our own genetic. At the epigentic level. Do you think it might be so Tamara? These video are extremely helpful to me. Even although they are also quite saddening for me at the same time. But the reality also is (the way i see it anyway) that our history is bound to repeat itself again and again, unless we could see a way in which to finally learn from it. Which mean that we would at-first have need to admit to the reality. Denial, of problems, wont ever help us Am i correct in theorising that these trait wont necessarily need to be due to our "base genetic" make up, at all?. But can in stead be passed on, to each individual, via the epigentic level, of our genetic make-up ,of which is in fact developed due to "the environment" in which us-human are basically being "steeped in". And that this type of mental illness can then continue to even continue to affect ongoing generations ahead, to some extent as well too . Until such time as the offspring of those people lives would have been steeped within other environment of what hopefully would be more empathetic and decent and humanitarian and so on Is that how it could work Tamara? If this scenario would be correct, then we should have good reason to be more closely interested in the situation of all of our environment's . At the end of the day us human "could remain" way more closely connected than what we might imagine. We just fail to realize it? These concern need not only be the concern of cult survivor. Because , there would be reason to suspect that a toxic unhealthy "environment" of the type what would involve racism (for interest sake) would naturally also be totally undesirable as well too, when we would care-enough to consider implication to human health and well being In this respect we can begin to see how we are in fact rather like "one people" in life. Even although we might experience different situation. We can see good reason to say "human lives matter" I can only "hold onto hope" for a future, with better environments. Hopefully the knowledge that is being gained, today and tomorrow and in years ahead, can begin to help to pave the way forward Thanks for your videos Tamara .Much appreciated. They are greatly beneficial for layman's understanding . Cheers

[@truth4utoda]

🥵 Great points Slim!!! Just long. But I agree and can relate.

[@slimdusty6328]

@@truth4utoda yes Truth , sorry 🙂. I get carried away with my own way of trying to understand.

[@slimdusty6328]

I see some information suggest that the cause of narcissism might, quote "emerge as a type of self-protection" . See reference www.healthline.com/health/can-a-narcissist-change#supporting-someone When i'd stop to consider that theory, then i can also understand why it could then be that this type of personality could have had reason to become so widespread among people within my own family background. As i can see how the narcissism might have evolved as a type of survival mechanism. It could become dangerous to allow yourselves to maintain any healthy sense of empathy.As you'd also all always be well aware how anyone of us could be excommunicated.People, as believers, were constantly concerned about the focus obtaining their place in an eternity. So empathy, in this situation had therefore become as if it could be like a type of disadvantage. In a way it was fear what had caused the human to react in this manner. Some theory's suggest that narcissism might be becoming an epidemic. See reference theconversation.com/why-are-we-becoming-so-narcissistic-heres-the-science-55773 Quote "The modernisation of society seemed to prize fame, wealth, celebrity above all else" And so empathy might therefore still serve to create a form of disadvantage?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes, absolutely. That is a running theory backed by most of the research.

[@michellegerber7496]

Religion is the perfect place for them to hide. Extreme Greek Orthodox Christianity in my case.

[@teacupnoir]

I can’t thank you enough for your Chanel!!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome! And thank you for watching. Welcome to the channel.

[@carablu2405]

Thanks for the video. Can I request if possible to do a video on determining whether or not you have been traumatized or a victim of abuse? I am sorry, I dont know what its called but the quarantine brought up an event that would be considered traumatic in my life but I have never thought about before. This is the 1st time in all my years of living that this event comes up and it makes me feel terrible

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Hi Cara, Thank you for the video suggestion. I believe I have done a video on these topics in the past. I encourage you to check out the playlist section on trauma and family. You will find this topic there! kzbin.info/aero/PL_4Wq-LrWc3q-sGL75pnWCWgfL5AI931l

[@Lyssa77777]

Thanks Tamara This was a excellent video and very helpful and informative. Take care lovely 💕💚💛

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much! I'm glad this was helpful. 💖You too!

[@JesusSaves77799]

I believe that anyone can change with the power of Christ. Any heart can soften. 🙏💖

[@AuthorAngieDeLisi]

Always minimized ugh 😩😢

[@truth4utoda]

What a great video Tamara. Thank you🧡🧡🧡🧡 Helpful to my husband too.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome!

[@SnakePepper]

I love how you explain this❤️ Thank you

[@AuthorAngieDeLisi]

Wow the emotional immaturity and the transference from her parent to me the child l think this may be why she always devalues me. I never liked my grandmother l sensed she was mean to my mom but my mom always loved her and said she never hurt her although she threw a spoon at her and knocked her front teeth out

[@underated17]

What if he provided with a job our whole life and didn’t end up leaving but abused yelling, physically and was extremely aggressive?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's terrible. I'm sorry. Sounds like he provided for the necessities and that's it. Nothing more. He was harmful all the way around except for keeping employment and working. Something is still seriously wrong and should have been addressed.

[@stylist62]

Their empathy is only for themselves, big cowards selfish They act like they have empathy for strangers on the streets, I think it’s a mask in public. At home the cruelty has no empathy love

[@joycepacheco1568]

I am trying so hard to get better. I think this is my new channel

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you Joyce for sharing. I wish you well. Welcome!

[@ygjt76v0-----]

😢

[@cayennenaturetrails8953]

:) :)

[@cayennenaturetrails8953]

:)

[@ishootbishez6974]

My mother was a narcissist and for sure sociopath. She always scammed people and did petty crimes. She even stole my identity. Growing up, I could FEEL her hatred for me, and ever since I could remember I felt like something was seriously “off,” with her, and that she was extremely dangerous. It was the most unsettling experience of my life, I am no-contact forever and she has no idea where I live. (She tries to get in contact constantly because I’m marrying a doctor and wants the money, not because she cares about me)

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you for sharing this with us. This is tough indeed. When a parent steals your identity and manipulates anyone they come across, it's time to look at that parent a second and third time. Something is serious wrong. It seems like there may be some trauma or poor child development in her history. If she's detrimental to your livelihood, stay detached. It's safer.

[@lesliel.6260]

I'm sorry you went through that, my ex dad is a psychopathic narcissist and I completely understand where you are coming from, no contact here almost 10 years and never again! Stay strong hun, it's not your fault that she is like that, you can't do anything with such a person except save yourself and find your own happiness, you sound like you have good things going for you and that's because you have value to offer yourself and others, they can't devalue someone who has no value, sending prayers and good thoughts!

[@khajiithadwares2263]

Really not trying to sound condescenting, but how is sociopathy (someone who's moral code doesnt correlate or abide by social code,etiquette, norms) equate to narcissism, which is related to the persons ego and personal or material needs, in disfavor of other (strangers or own family, children) ... Sorry, but its bothering to hear sociopathic traits and psychopathic traits being used interchangeably. If you're putting everything in the same bag, then what is the point of even having these delimitations between traits, because by this admission everyone is a sociopath if they dont correspond to your personal code or the outer group moral code. If you dont like someone personally, its more likely to say "what a psycho", either because that person is one (*exagerration*) or you are and use that derogation to defend your position or choice. But both of you function within societal norms, thus none of the two are sociopaths. Narcs function very well within modern society, at least thus far.

[@aleka917]

Scary

[@Songs7226]

@@khajiithadwares2263 is this comment for the purpose of causing confusion and diluting @tamara hills PROFOUND message ? It certainly seems that way Khajiit 😔

[@gardener5857]

In my very humble opinion, when therapists try to coach patients to build their "cognitive empathy" what they're doing is helping the patient hone their skills at preying on people. They learn how to look, sound and act like they care. And they might, a little, sometimes. But what they care most about is exploiting other people, because people are their tools. Those people that can't be used as tools are totally useless to the sociopath.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

This is a good comment. You're right! That's why therapy is so difficult with those who are born sociopaths, psychopaths, and manipulative. They do exactly what you are saying. Sadly, some therapists aren't privy to this and will waste time doing therapy with these kind of clients getting nowhere and giving the sneaky person "skills."

[@gardener5857]

@@TherapistTamaraHill I think perhaps those therapists typically fall for the charm, and the "love bombing" for lack of a better term. It's interesting to watch them hone in on a target & start grooming them. Therapists can be great conquests. Sociopaths toy with people, like a cat with a mouse. If they're mandated to attend therapy, it's almost guaranteed they're going to try to toy with the therapist. Thank you for your videos, by the way.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I agree 100%. It's so easy to get caught up in this. You're welcome! Thanks for watching.

[@feebee1982]

I’d love to hear about the adult relationship with a sociopath parent (mother)..

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I will certainly include this in the next round of topics under this subject!

[@musiqworlmedia88]

It’s not good once u don’t fall for the brainwashing young they will hate u in your adult years. This is the problem I have with my mother. So I stay clear from her she’s has turned all my sibilimgs against me and turned me into a outsider. I’m fine with it tho my family isn’t worth shit and actually better off without them

[@AC-ew2xr]

@@musiqworlmedia88 i'm enduring the same...my brother has turned into my mother and they both at the same time turned on me when i was already at my lowest because i keep attracting them as an adult...the b*tch ruined my life and rather than improve she chooses to get worse even though she's sick and in her later years, to unmask to your child later in life is horrible much less turn the siblings against you when you are all each other would have but be grateful you know about your siblings now before you would have invested more in them. theyre all sacks of sh&t. my mother told me she ruined my life, she doesnt care and thats all she has to say about it and refuses to get a mediator..they want to leave you in a trauma bond..they cause you to attract these freaks your whole life and spend your whole life with health issues and in recovery.

[@ferrariunicorn]

@@TherapistTamaraHill definitely going to look for the gender one (I think generations play a role too - what do you think) bc this was a great video and dealing with 2 on this spectrum and appreciate you and this info!

[@21kaylanicole]

If you associate, they try to control you. Toxic, liars and manipulative but 20 times worse from when you were a kid. I’ve cut my mother of many times and she goes on smear campaigns to my siblings. They’re horrible.

[@NikD215]

My NPD 'mother' use to love to see me suffer, she would setup situations just so I would suffer, and she would have a smile from ear to ear while I was suffering. She would lie on me to ppl as a child and teenager, I would come home to all these adults waiting for me, to give me a lecture about the lies my mother told on me and there was no defending myself, she told them I was a liar. Also, if I was in physical or mental pain, she was mean and indifferent to it. Once I was sick (vomiting) in school, they called my mother would was about 10 blocks away from my school to come and pick me up. They called her several times and every time she answered the phone, but she never came to get me. I stayed at school for 3.5 hours until the school told me to just walk home because my mother wasn't coming to get me. When I got home, she was hanging out with her friends and started laughing at me because I had to walk home from school with vomit on my clothes. She also exposed me to sex (walking in on her all the time) at an early age (4yo) and throughout my life I was exposed to her promiscuous behavior, bring home her one-night stands, loud sex, sex in common parts of the house and putting these men before me all the time. The worse is ppl don't believe me because ppl think all mothers love their kids, but I know different.

[@guadalupealcantar8787]

I would like more details about a sibling with sociopath traits.

[@panda1488]

Same!!

[@aliciakelly8980]

Yes!!

[@lyrastrseed3343]

They get it from your parents….

[@jf8468]

This. You cannot find it on KZbin.

[@TanyaKatherine]

This was incredible. This explained everything to me. including the denial. I keep on denying what I am seeing every week. Especially the lack of empathy. My life is just in pieces and destroyed. As an adult, I still feel like I am 12 and I am living at home and unable to grow up at 28 years old. I spend most days just hiding from 'person'. I feel like I am being too hard on 'parent' but the only one who is suffering is me and my future. I can relate so much to this video. I just want the best for my parent and I do love 'them' its just, how can I love him fully if I am fighting everyday to piece my life back together, whilst the rest of my peers are succeeding in life. Its too hard :( And I am starting to think I am getting cluster personalities by product of being around 'parent'. I am turning into my 'parent'.

[@lyrastrseed3343]

Get away fast please figure it out…Go find a serving job or bartending. Get out of there or they’ll take you down to hell with them.

[@racheldaniel3868]

My mom is a cluster B. She a diagnosed sociopath. Her and I do not have a relationship. I cut her off for good last year. She made it her personal agenda to make my life a living hell from putting bills in my name, stealing money, gossiping, and competing. I have no emotional connection to her anymore at least not positive emotions. I can’t stand her.

[@misshoneynevercame4832]

The only way to heal is to remove yourself from that person.

[@83yomomma]

Ditto

[@AD-wi4fq]

Thank you for this video. My mother severely abused and neglected me from as early as I can remember. If someone ever harmed me or bullied me at school, she would say that she hope they hurt me more than they already did. No empathy, no remorse. Very cold, very chaotic and unpredictable. She also regularly physically abused and neglected my dog as well. When she had the opportunity, she would try and sometimes succeed at abusing my elderly aunts when others were not around. When I was a kid, she also attempted to shoot her boyfriend to death in front of me for totaling her car, although she allowed him free access in our home without barely knowing him (he was also a drug addict who set fire to his mother's home). I wish she were in prison for all that she did. The scars she created persist to this day.

[@apove1814]

Wow. Amazing story .

[@kyradolores]

My mother didn't feed me my bottle or change my diaper. My grandma said I was so malnourished she thought I was retarded. After I told her the babysitter was sexually abusing me she got mad cuz she couldn't go out that night with her friends. Then it happened again and I told her she took me in the bathroom and called me a slut said I shook my ass and it was my fault and she was gonna put me in foster care. I was 11. I took my 2 yrs old sister and ran away cuz I wanted to protect her. They crisis people did a check and sent my sister home. I never went home again. I'm now 54. I live in my ar with my car got a job at 7-11 and within two hours my mom shower up and td my boss this and to tell me to check on the car so it didn't freeze. Then proceeded to scream foul names at me in the parking lot. Needless to say the people changed and work was not a possible change for the better but a nightmare. I quit after two days. She did it just to create problems for me. I don't understand what I did to her to deserve all the evil shit she's done to me. This is just the most recent. There's been some hardcore stuff it would be a book if I wrote them all down but she totally denies and justifies or remembers it entirely differently. One thing is for sure. It's never her bad behavior ever.

[@olentangyriver1191]

My mom was almost exactly that exact thing 90 percent the same.

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

Thank you for sharing

[@velardechelo]

My father is soo sociopath.. He is like Donald Trump kinda personality(he feels like the best male alive)..Sometimes I wonder if he really can feel love or is just acting... Even I know that he cheats My mother.. I feel like I fit in some of this clusters.. I have suicidal tendencies too :c.. (sorry for My weird English) Btw u are cute too..

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you😇 It's so hard having a parent who is a sociopath. How do you ever believe or trust anything they say or do? You can't! It causes such confusion emotionally and psychologically. So you explain it perfectly using your example. Wishing you the best as you push ahead

[@michelemurphy3541]

An interesting dynamic that happens is the parent will often tell the child, ‘you are always talking about your childhood and how we, as parents, abused you!’, when the child not only does not but didn’t even remember the past in a way that showed the parents as abusers. This was my personal experience and it was very confusing to CONSTANTLY be cornered, ridiculed and screamed at that I was telling everyone I had such terrible | awful | abusive parents. In my late 40’s I finally had the moment when almost everything started clicking and snapping together-and that was when I watched my mother talk about my brother’s daughter saying/accusing same things she accused me of when I was around same age. That shot me into remembering what she screamed at me all of these years...I was telling on them *(I was not). Turns out, she was the one telling on them . Sadly, we, as a family, went to psychiatrists, psychologists, family counselors, chaplains, Doctors and no one could help-I was told because it was me doing it all. I was the tail wagging the dog...then, in my 50’s, I realized that too was a lie. We all went on medications, went to therapy, were accused of terrible things when the one making the most abusive impact on all of us, including my father...when it was my mother neglecting us, pulling guns on us, chasing me around their house with a knife from dinner, choking us *(except my middle brother who she said, she didn’t touch because he bruised and bled easily). No one in the military ever helped us, in fact, a chaplain that was assigned to us, almost got me killed with that ‘tail wagging the dog’ statement-he actually told my parents this on a home visit evaluation. My mother has been in and out of the psychiatric facilities since I was very small but she found a scapegoat in me and also my brothers and even my dad to purposefully not take on the responsibility of her mental health *(psychopathy). Thank you for this amazing video.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! And You're welcome! I'm glad this was helpful. I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with this as a parent's mental illness, depending on how bad it is or gets, can truly traumatize you. It's a process where fear, anger, resentment, etc. lives and sometimes stays for years if not addressed. Sadly, the military is very ill-equipped to manage mental illness and complicated families. I'm very sorry that this is the case because our military men need us. We need to change this. One of my goals is to assist in this process. I'm working on it. Politicians are working on it. And other mental health providers too. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@devnea4831]

My father is a narcissistic sociopath. He’s been in jail multiple times for attempted murder and threatens people all the time like it’s nothing. He’s completely incapable of feeling emotion for other people but has a very sensitive and radical personality. Lies all the time. Steals. Is impulsive. He makes me uncomfortable but I can’t let him go because he’s my dad. And I have gone months and months without speaking to him but always let him back in my life because I always feel so bad for him. I also have BPD but I wonder if there’s correlation behind that.

[@underated17]

I have a similar story. But is it better to leave an abuser? Is it right to go back to them?

[@devnea4831]

@@underated17 it’s so conflicting because he’s not constantly abusive. He’ll give me money and gifts and tell me he loves me but he always comes back to his toxic self

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry. That's terrible. There is often a correlation between BPD and being invalidated and unheard growing up. There is also a correlation between BPD and other family members with personality disorders. Doesn't mean you are going to become a sociopath but rather that you have the genes to have a personality disorder of some kind.

[@devnea4831]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you. That’s important info to know moving forward as an adult and even if I want to have kids later on in life.

[@natalie__lu2500]

I have bpd as well from trauma from a sociopathic father. Back in Honduras a girl killed herself because he raped her when he was younger. This is why I have issues with men that have his traits. As well as the neglectful mother.

[@TIGER-qc4px]

I grew up with both parents who were severe both Cluster B & C and beyond smh ....took me 15yrs to heal and honestly say I love myself...no traditional therapy 😉....pure strength & determination that even I know is rare but I did it 🌟

[@wonderingheights]

I wish that for myself. Congratulations 🍾🎉🎊

[@laligutierrez3295]

Thank you so much Dr Tamara The other day I had a talk with my parents and my mom started screaming at my lil sister I told her not to yell and she tried to punch me Rn I’m kinda just dissociating a lot but it reminded me a lot of when I was a kid and she’d do that to me when I was alone So crazy how much our brain gets fogged up after scary things like that

[@AuthorAngieDeLisi]

Wow yes you can’t medicate personality I’ve tried to medicate my mom with Xanax it calmed her but her hurtful personality still came out. The latest one was she called me naive the reality though is that’s what she is ….mind blowing thanks for helping me with that distinction

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. 😫 It's sad to think that parents like this continue on in their way not knowing how negative they are for their children.

[@121love6]

Thats true i said my childhood wasnt really bad but now i see it was excruciatingly terrible, i lived on mytoes always careful not to be wrong,to be perfect,good but was never good enough,i blame myself for every little issue i have.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's not easy to finally see what happen in the past. It's shocking and painful.

[@dark7angel456]

Me too. I lost interest in life because of all the distortion

[@mahlina1220]

My mom, 100%.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry to hear this. This is tough.

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

I have been around people in the Cluster B category a lot. If I had the choice, I'd rather be around people with cluster A than cluster B. At least with cluster A, they are not trying to hurt you. I rather deal with weird than abusive.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I understand this perspective. I hear this a lot. Cluster B traits can be difficult to deal with. But if treated properly and the person is aware of there challenges, life can work. It might be difficult but it can still work.

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you for the encouragement. You have mentioned something that I pray about. Thank you.

[@MrVenturadog]

I have been having nightmares about my dad torturing the neighbors cats and throwing the cat over the the telephone line by the tail from when he did that when I was kid.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. If you have a therapist or might be interested in on, I suggest bringing this up. Your dream could be trying to show you something or give you insight into something.

[@shaynenelson4536]

What is the beat way to deal with a parent when they are having an episode or you sense the mood swings starting, as the child in the situation? without setting them off into a rage?? I LOVE my mother and don't want to make her upset but i also want to help her. GOD Bless to all who read this and a big thank you to DR Tamara for these videos explaining these things for people who need it!!! Keep up the good work Doc!!

[@Elya08]

I don’t know if I have BPD, but I definitely have CPTSD, and have had major mood swings when triggered. For me, the best thing my children and family can do is set boundaries ahead of time with me while I’m in a calm mindset. Remind me of those boundaries if I get triggered, and/or give me physical and emotional space to process what I’m feeling. Also, learning not to take personally what may come out of my mouth at times would’ve really helped me, but I understand that what comes out may or may not be appropriate behavior(s). I struggle to regulate my emotions and so when I get triggered, my emotions are an overwhelming mass of confusion that I have to try to untangle. It may be similar for your mom when she gets overwhelmed. And also, she may be sad/angry/jealous of something you or someone else triggered unintentionally. An embarrassing example, but I realized my parents were and are emotionally neglecting me when I watched the way my husband and his mom interact with our children, and I got insanely jealous without understanding why at first. I got angry and pissy and began lashing out at everyone for stupid little things. Then more things began triggering me until I basically imploded and exploded and wound up in therapy basically by force. Grateful for therapy now, but I was so sleep deprived and triggered, I couldn’t see straight if I wanted to at the time… and it hurt… a lot. It hurt me, and my entire family so very deeply emotionally. We’re all still trying to recover 2 years later now. Just, be gentle with your mom, and try not to take the behaviors to heart, as they have nothing to do with you, in all likelihood, even if she says they do. Don’t, however, let her abuse or use you without first agreeing to whatever it is she’d like you to do (if you’re an adult). If you’re still under age, then abide by her rules as best you can, help around the house, do schoolwork, etc., get a job if you’re able and save up to move out when you can.

[@NeverLetLoveGo]

Right now my ‘friend’ is a little off kilter, she’s soo rude, lacks empathy, is being self centred and doesn’t feel a care for how I feel, it’s all about how she feels and what she wants. I said I’m not going to her birthday because I don’t feel comfortable too. She said i cut people off for being human. This is how she FEELS but it’s not true. She labels me and has a faulty perception of me because of her own insecurities. I want to cut her off safely.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Perhaps she has some sociopathic tendencies. It seems like she is very judgmental of your position on things and perhaps she is this way because she knows you may put her in her place, set the boundary, or "cut her off." You are right to "cut her off safely." She's a ticking time bomb. Slowly backing away may be the way to go.

[@ryanalkove2346]

@@TherapistTamaraHill I've found in my research (real world) that the Psychopath is born and the Sociopath is created from trauma. All sociopaths I've come in contact with the story is similar - molestation. They are often raised by mother sociopaths who seek men they hope will molest their daughters. I've only got about 15+ data points, but it's 15+ too many.

[@MsAndreagirl1]

Ugh.

[@chickenlittle4014]

Yea my sad always made it known “he’s putting himself first” he would literally say that he only needs to care about himself I was just like wtf

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Oh God! That's so very narcissistic -- of course, depending on the context in which he spoke. Not a good thing to say. I'm sorry.

[@s.tiaira9081]

Thank you so much for this video it really helps

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're so welcome!

[@divestedkonservativekarame4269]

I'm definitely cluster a I see everyone as an enemy I'm happy when I'm alone with my dog. I've wanted to get a home with no neighbors around and a shot gun of course. Some dogs are quite nice to me. It's just humans suck imo. I get a lot of social interaction from men I talk to on the phone and it seems me on the phone doesn't make people go beserk or take off their masks so that's the best social life for me. It's hard working in person with coworkers who always hate on me or dealing with customers face to face. Etc.... Humans are wild animals at the end of the day so it's no shock they work of internal instincts basically imo

[@divestedkonservativekarame4269]

My parent is probably a psychopath but my thing is I just don't care as long as it doesn't affect me like her stealing from me etc...

[@pri22v11]

You are excellent Dr Tamara!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗Thank you!

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

Much of my family is Cluster B, as it seems.

[@spereira2894]

You are so knowledgeable and clear in the way you explain things. When you explained the transference piece.... I got chills cause I had this HUGE ah-HA moment!! There were SO many moments in my childhood with my bpd mother and narcissistic father where I could intuitively feel the punishments we were bestowed weren't meant for us. They would be so drastic, harsh and cruel my brothers and I lived so confused. They were unaware and are STILL so unaware as to how& why they reacted so intensely towards us. We were punished for such weird things that most parents wouldn't even bat an eye over. EVERYTHING we did seem to be wrong. Always blamed for things. So destabilizing!! I'm again... So grateful to you and for you. The more I learn, the more I heal! You are helping me heal so VERY much. This is a shot in the dark... But I'll ask, see what you say. Do you come across patterns with parents who are abusive - where one is a BPD and the other is a narcissist? Is that pairing a thing? Is it common and if so, why do you think that is? Is it that they are unconsciously somehow drawn to each other to repeat past traumas? Not sure if that question made sense. Hopefully it did. Thanks again. Bless you - keep doing great work.

[@farzanaanjum2684]

I have a parents who are I operation. And everything we do is our duty towards them. Whatever they have fone is their sacrifice generosity. Throwing tantrums. Breaking objects. Being beaten brutally as a child over small issues. Being socially disgraced is my parents favourite. They are victim. We are villains because we refuse to be beaten up and not allow them to abuse our children. Everything is terrible because we are bad. They love to tell the relatives how wicked They are. They use The religion to enforce respect. But nobody respects them. They nag whole day. They provoke you.

[@sonyacooper2631]

My mom who has been diagnosed with schizophrenic and sociopathic disorder.....she was abusive to our animals and us but I believe I have blocked out alot as my brother will bring up something and I don't remember it...I'm afraid to go to therapy

[@dark7angel456]

I deal with a lot of emotional immaturity from not just parents and family but most people I encounter and very sexually inappropriate and very disturbing. I had a lot of distorted views pushed on me throughout my lifetime so I'm always trying to seek healthy people that see me for who I am and not that distorted perception

[@helenamartinez9584]

I believe that the most useful thing to do is teach those who are like that that behaving like that is not positive/useful for them, i think it's one of the only ways you can make them want to choose to do good, because it benefits them

[@cutecakes244]

There definitely is hope but don’t count on it

[@Man_of_Tears]

I like the calm, compassionate and intellectually-proof explanation here. It is warm & affirming

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thanks so much! Glad this was helpful to you. Join me live sometime in the future! Friday's around 6pm est.

[@unalekuze6814]

Thank you for the video! It has explained a lot of what has occurred. My mother is extremely obsessed with torture, could this mean possible sociopathy?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. I'm glad this was helpful. It's sad to say that she could be a psychopath. Individuals who are "obsessed" with gruely things could be psychopaths and not just individuals who embrace "dark things." I just did a video - if you haven't already seen it -- on psychopath parents: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f3eYd4iXg7aejLc.

[@Imranomer2221]

How about a video on the effects of psychopathic father on his sons?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's a good one! I have provided counseling to this group for many years. I will add to the list of topics. Thank you for the suggestion! Stay tuned.

[@Ms.ShellyHall.81]

💜

[@IvanovBR]

thank for the video

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome

[@antoinebguitar2869]

The cluster B seems to fit my stepfather (the one who raised me) pretty well. Also, wacky enough, seems to fit me too. I can't change the first, but I sure as hell want to make sure I don't pass down that shit to others, although I think I'm a little less then my step father, but still I was very unstable as a teen and did lots of shit I regret today.

[@shaynenelson4536]

cant we sedate them so they dont have those nasty, hurtful, explosive behavior??? The BIBLE says honor thy parents, but what if they dont even believe in GOD. Its been hard growing up, but i gotta give it to her, shes the hardest worker i know and she raised me as a single parent. Maybe my young/wild years drove her a bit crazy. Im a mommies boy thru n thru, i love her but the mood swings can come from no where. One minute shes yelling/ cursing. 5minutes later shes happy and will apologize. Thank you Dr. Tamara for your insight

[@warriorhippie]

Thank you for this video. I followed you on your blog for years and I never knew you had a KZbin channel. sociopath traits are hard to decipher because some of us grew up in culture that perpetuate and celebrate these behaviors.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! Thanks for your comment! I agree 100%. I feel like the American culture celebrates these traits too.

[@warriorhippie]

Yes. These traits are celebrated especially in men.

[@slimdusty6328]

@@TherapistTamaraHill what if its worldwide culture generally?. I feel that human generally have some trouble to empathise with others, so well. So therefore why we'd then need to create all the specialist groups to help rally for specific human rights, for certain specific types of peoples. We'd need one special group, to help rally for better women's rights. Or one group to rally for rights of the disabled. One for to rally against racism. One to fight for religious freedom. And so on and so on. And perhaps because we might generally fail to empathise, so well, with others?. Perhaps our empathy doesn't extend, so well, past what might affect ourselves more personally. And then when this begins to happen, it spreads, so as to also make it become harder for us all. Because, perhaps by now our whole system is become narcissist in nature?. We can get to a stage where each one of us might have our own special pet right, of which we will then also hope to see being taken more seriously (by the others).We expect it to happen. Even begin to get angry too, when we experience that it doesn't happen so well. But perhaps we fail to see how all our rights are intertwine together. And by empathising with others, then in a round about way we might slowly also help to turn things back around so as to help make matters become better and better for ourselves as well too also

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

I love your channel. It is really helping me grasp my chaotic childhood.🥴🫶🏻

[@ferrariunicorn]

A long time?! C’mon you play... you look 25ish lol I play... I take it you look young for your age & probably get that all the time!!

[@theruminator7419]

Very helpful. Thank you

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! Glad this was helpfu.

[@nurhayat81]

Thank you. This is helpful.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching.

[@AveriesMiranda]

Especially when a parent is also an alcoholic.. 🥺

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes, that makes it much harder.

[@oldercloudify]

Wish I could work with you. I’m still dealing with a sociopathic mother.

[@TheLevantine]

Don't deal with her, just try to move out

[@lei673]

Huh so my family is this entire video

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're not alone. So many can relate.

[@lisaleopold3852]

I disagree because about empathy. The person has to be willing to practice empathy. We teach children empathy. Many of the cluster b pd have also experienced cptsd. I do think if a person is willing they can learn to be empathetic.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Interesting perspective. Research is mixed here. Some research shows that 50% of empathy is genetic! It's important to understand what I am saying here. I am explaining that I don't think we can "teach" empathy to narcissists but they can learn to imitate it. Learning empathy and truly possessing the qualities of empathy is different. There's a reason why individuals diagnosed with Aspergers or an Autism Spectrum Disorder have trouble with theory of mind/empathy at times because it's not that easy to learn. However, adults can be "trained" to respond in empathic ways. But again, I disagree that "learned" empathy is the same as "true" empathy. We're intuitive as humans so we can sense when something is real or not. These may lend some more light for you and others here: Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201810/can-empathy-be-taught Article: www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/can-empathy-be-taught-ncna878211

[@AC-ew2xr]

whats especially sick is when they choose the scapegoat young and train the scapegoat to have the empathy they lack to abuse them for it.

[@robynmattfield2919]

You learn empathy from your parents when you are a little baby and you are getting empathy when you are in your crib crying and one of the parents go and pick up the crying baby and that is when you are getting empathy. You only get one shot at getting empathy from your parents when you are growing up but starts at a very young age. You can not learn empathy when you are already grown up and you are adult. They might have a little bit of empathy but it's not enough for them to feel emotions. That's why they can lie and cheat without feeling guilty of hurting others or manipulation tactics or play mind games and emotional, physically sexual abuse from your parents growing up and now they have childhood trauma and they are using defensive mechanism against the abuse that they were getting from their parents that are supposed to love their children and not abuse them or neglect them and some parents will leave the child in their crib crying and that's neglect and it can cause them to be a sociopath or psychopath narcissist. I have a lot more to tell you about more than just this but I think you are getting the idea. Everyone is different dealing with their abuse or being neglected. Some children are not going to be a cluster b personality disorder like a narcissist but they will be a empath or turn out to not to be affected by their abuse. It is different from one child to another child how they are going to cope with what they are going through. I hope that you will get the idea that they can only get empathy from a early age. They have been robbed of their life and that is sad and I think that they should be held responsible for their children being damaged from their abuse and everything else that they have to go through and they will never know how love feels like or how to love someone.

[@chantellmoody828]

@@robynmattfield2919 thank you for you comment. I understand and agree with all you have stated. Be well.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Can someone with BPD and someone with a sociopath personality work out together? I set a boundary yesterday with my boyfriend we are taking the day off from talking to one another but our relationship has highs and lows but mostly highs. I have BPD and he has sociopath well says he used to but I have a feeling he still has it.