i've been avoiding this... // sharing the knowledge that CHANGED our marriage // WIFE TALK

[@LoeppkysLife]

Let me tell you, when I started implementing some of the things I’ve learned lately our marriage grew so much! The more I joyfully serve my husband and let go of the small things, the more he reciprocates and loves on me 🤎 Submission is not a bad word, my friends. I am not his puppet, but rather his joyful helper, doing life by his side!

[@yvonneaguirre6015]

You lost me at “pick up his clothes with a smile”. He can do it himself. With a smile.

[@LoeppkysLife]

@@yvonneaguirre6015 ah but how many ways do we irritate our husbands with bad habits that we can’t seem to break? A little love and grace goes a long way 🤎

[@yvonneaguirre6015]

@@LoeppkysLife i wash the clothes, he can pick up the clothes. ⚖️

[@kelsiedanae]

I don’t think people realize how much this video is speaking to the joy in your life because you’ve made your God-given role a priority! I loved it so much, great job.

[@massey1299]

@@yvonneaguirre6015 i think it just depends how you view it and also what you value and see as "non négociables". For you picking up the clothes might be one of yours and for others maybe not. Nothing wrong with either 😊

[@allisongracehall5457]

I would love to hear Zach’s perspective on how he as a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. It is not as common to hear the man’s perspective and practical advice from his end and what it looks like on a day to day basis would be lovely!

[@rosie52111]

Yes! 👏 we need a Q’& A from his Christian Husband perspective-specially in todays culture…. What steps is “he” taking to not back down like society wants men to do, how is he making sure he is present for his children. And being a loving yet protective husband. 😍🥰

[@ginachurch92]

Yes please!

[@lauraJ0an]

I would suggest watching some of Emily Wilson Hussem's videos here on KZbin. She doesn't do an abundant of videos with her husband, but there are a few with his perspective on a husband's role in a (Christian) marriage/relationship in general.

[@ginachurch92]

@@lauraJ0an but it’s not Delilah and Zach! I’ll definitely check out her page for sure!

[@tasha.5987]

I was thinking this same thing!

[@watchlistenwrite]

Delilah, I hope that you feel able to express those feelings of sorrow or loneliness or exhaustion to your spouse. It’s not selfish to have personal needs, it really isn’t.

[@sambito702]

Exactly. It took me almost 10 years of marriage to understand this. Now I leave twice a week to play volleyball without looking back. My husband steps up and takes over with the kids and home while I enjoy myself. Before, I’d never expect this of my husband. I felt I was burdening him, but no, having time for myself is a NEED for me.

[@shaniamyles3962]

She says in the video “there’s a time” which to me suggests she expresses those feeling when actually needed but has also learned to let go of the pettier things.

[@agnszp]

Yes!!!!

[@kickinitwithjess]

I wasn't sure how exactly to explain this, but I wholeheartedly agree. I think it's so SO important.

[@LizzyTwifehomemaker]

I agree with Shania Myles, I think she does express these things to Zack, I think she's just careful not to do it in a nagging and unproductive way, especially about little, petty things. Based on what she said I think she waits and figures out what things are actually important and then discusses those things in a healthy way with Zack.

[@scarlettfever3279]

WOMEN ALSO NEED TO BE RESPECTED AND HONORED

[@ashleybeazley]

SHE NEVER SAID THEY DON’T

[@Jesusisallandiamnothing]

Why are you yelling?

[@robiniapseudoacacia3]

The bible actually never says that men are to honor and respect their wives. It says that men are to love their wives. Very similar to honor and respect, but different.

[@serenabaney997]

Respect and love go hand in hand. One cannot truly exist without the other. Men are absolutely called to respect their wives it doesn’t need to be spelled out for you to understand such things. It’s quite simple.

[@sarahb9136]

She’s talking about being a wife… calm down please.

[@BookWormNerd101]

About the "just put a smile on your face and forget it", my husband actually HATES it when I do that. He likes it when I show my true emotion, even if it will piss him off lol. And I am such a non-confrontational person so its been quite a learning curve.

[@anastasiamay2852]

I watched this video via tv and the next day knew i had to visit the comment section because her advice was both triggering and may work for only a small amount of women. I am not here to debate this and that, however I do want to reassure anyone who is on the fence on this advice and who isnt 'sitting well' with the things she said, please know you are not alone. I am now watching her videos with a little less enjoyment or respect due to the submissive and seemingly putting her husband first idealism. Though i will still watch for parenting ideas and advice, as well as a calming household despite 3 kids, I know I will not maintain a marriage like hers. I am able to "take what I can and leave the rest" and find things I have in common and enjoy with her family and videos and simply leave the rest, without having to unsub/comment angrily/ or get upset.

[@maria.h114]

Also, you should try doing a video similar to this one with Zach to share his opinions on marriage and partnership. In this video, you frequently talk about "serving" and "submitting" to your husband. I think your subscribers (including myself) would like to know how HE "serves" and "submits" to you.

[@savvagecabbage23]

I love what you say about the kids needing to see mom and dad talk and spend time with one another. It’s so important. They need to see us loving AND liking each other. Such a great point Delilah!

[@XxEvilTiggerxX]

I think you need to clarify a lot of this and give examples of what is ok and what is not ok. Because a lot of this makes sense for your marriage and your audience knows Zack is a great guy and loves and supports you so it's alright and works well for you. But this advice can be incredibly damaging for women who are in a more imbalanced marriage or even an abusive one. Sucking it up and not speaking up for yourself is not a good strategy in some circumstances and I think it would be really useful to have examples of when a husband is not fulfilling his side of the bargain and when it is ok to actually take issue with things. Especially for young women who are just getting into relationships. Because of course we know you are strong and Zack is very loving, but some of this advice just on the face of it can be misinterpreted, misapplied in other people's marriages.

[@mktay2067]

Delilah is talking about taking stock of her emotions and reactions to see if they are right and then pushing them aside if she knows her own attitudes are wrong. IE selfishness. This is something we all should do. Sometimes our emotions are misguided. If a husband is being abusive in the Christian community we biblically have courses of action to get help whether that is an elder to redirect the husband or in case of serious abuse the authorities. Just like in every community there are those who won't get this right but no one should be abused. Marriage in our eyes should be 100%\100% from both sides.

[@brancimarie735]

These are exactly my thoughts. I think of my own experience growing up. My parents' relationship felt very much like Delilah's in terms of submission and doing things with a smile, but with the added toxicity. My heart goes out to all the women in an abusive relationship who think that this is how their life is supposed to be. That they must continue to submit because that is what a Christian wife must do. Nothing against Delilah's relationship or anyone who has a relationship like this, but the disclaimer that abusive relationships are not okay should be said.

[@xphienie]

Phew, that was a heard video for me to watch. I don't agree with the idea of there being only one right way to be a wife. I truly believe both partners should be equal and both should serve their relationship and not specifically their partner. Maybe it's just the way you phrased things without giving specific examples, but this feels like it could be really bad advice for women in a bad relationship - to basically just shut up, take all the blame and only do things for the other person. I Know that's not what you mean, but it could be understood that way.

[@emilymack6283]

Agreed. And the cringe factor of the Christian dad telling their daughter that they need to learn to submit. 😬 Been there done that! Faking happy and joy emotions and 'submitting' 😬😬😬

[@shaniamyles3962]

This is a video about her perspective of being a wife, I’m sure if Zack made a video about his role as a husband it would have a lot of the same points! Two people putting in effort to show the other love is a healthy relationship ❤ At no point did she say give 100% when he gives nothing… serving joyfully is a huge aspect to being a good Christian so why would that not also be true as to being a good wife?

[@alp9578]

Yeah, she definitely could have used examples to describe this. Honestly she could just do a whole video just on what the Bible says about the relationship between a husband and wife and their equally valuable roles. She did not mention this, which I believe should have at the start of this conversation, which is that a Christian wife is not called to follow or submit to her husband if he is wanting her to do something sinful. Her number one authority is God, not her husband.

[@racheljulianna8503]

Does he purposely drop his clothes on the floor knowing you will pick them up? That would really make me feel like his slave not his wife. I love your content and always have but this just has me a little confused.

[@mktay2067]

Can I ask, you have watched the content but assume Zach would be purposely dropping the clothes for Delilah to pick up? I think there may be some bias against what she is explaining here. In my home my husband has a habit of taking off his socks before bed and dropping them on the floor. Most days he grabs them and throws them in the hamper but someday he forgets. I could get cranky about it or I can extend an act of love and graciously pick them up. It takes me two sec. This is what she is referring to. Being a servant heart to those around you. ❤

[@racheljulianna8503]

@@mktay2067 yes I have watched it. She kept referring to picking up his clothes off the floor like it is a daily thing. Clearly in the past she has gotten a bit frustrated with it which is why she is mentioning how she does it now with a smile. So I wonder why he would continue to do so. This is not like Delilah doing his laundry, this is him blatantly dropping his clothes on the floor not even putting it into the hamper. Knowing she will pick it up. That’s not just a bad habit that’s quite disrespectful. I’m sorry I can not get behind that.

[@chelseacallahanoconnell4659]

@@racheljulianna8503 yes exactly this! Sounds like she is unhappy and decided to find anyway to pretend that things are ok.

[@solvisionx9965]

If someone wants to submit to someone else and enjoys doing so - they shall go for it by any means. Maybe they like to give up responsebilities. But if someone says it is a given rule that women should submit to men THEN I have to put my foot down! Women have been suppressed by men for ever and it has only gotten better over the past 100 years. Let's just be equal.

[@alp9578]

Hey there, just want to clarify from a fellow Christian that the Bible describes women submitting to their *husband*, not to just any man. In fact, there is a story about women who fought to change laws for land ownership, because at the time in their culture only men could own land. So women submitting is only, only, to their husband. In addition, a lot of people leave out the second part about how the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So basically, the husband should have her absolute best interests in heart even before his own interests. Another way to describe the husband and wife relationship is to describe two very equally important roles. The wife is described as a helper, and that a man literally needs her help or else it would not be good. A helper is how the Holy Spirit is described, who gives us personal guidance as we live this life. It is not by any means a small or irrelevant task. God had made women and men with certain way so that we could best compliment each other, and be as "one flesh". For reference: - Women and land ownership is told in Numbers chapter 26. - Husband/Wife relationship (one example): Ephesians chapter 5. - Women as a helper, man not good alone: Genesis chapter 2.

[@alp9578]

In addition, a Christian woman's first priority is to God. So if her husband wants her to do something that isn't biblical or not of God's will, then she absolutely should not do it!

[@claudiajade624]

So... something that I do struggle with, and potentially a danger of the 'let it go/slide advice', is there is the potential for u to not properly let it go, but rather those little annoyances/angers/frustrations build up and by repressing them eventually bubble up or turn into resentment 🫤 So ..I guess I'm saying I think there is a balance to be struck of letting go vs bringing things up. And perhaps focus on why those little things might be affecting you/if they represent a larger issue, ie perhaps the chores not being done makes u feel unsupported

[@Ichigo2058]

plus never talk to another person abt it...I hope the therapist doesnt count into that.

[@AlexysEisenhour]

So you’re right. This doesn’t mean 100% of the time you let everything go. That’s.. well childish almost. I was thinking this when she said it “I wish you would have explained that better” because I really hope that not what she meant hahah. I think what she means is simply.. don’t nag your husband, don’t point out all his flaws, don’t gossip about him to others, do tell him when he does something that hurts your feelings, do discuss the day and your life and share your frustration and maybe the things he messes up on. But if he knows he messes up, why would you pick at the wound? Ya know? And do seek wise counsel, but really know who you’re talking to, as a Christian I shouldn’t talk to non Christians about my marriage, they will give bad advice for the marriage I want to have (99% of the time) If you need advice get advice, if you “need” to vent and complain about your husband, just don’t.

[@AlexysEisenhour]

I hope that all makes sense! And I hope that I’m not misrepresenting anyone or anything. It’s just how I understand it! ❤️

[@tigger72397]

Now if only we could get our husbands to have the same perspective and open mind towards serving their wives 🤔

[@daisysplans]

@@livpacheco agreed, which is why communication is so important.

[@robiniapseudoacacia3]

Men and women Aren't equal. They are different. That is where the beauty lays. They were created for different purposes. Men were not made to submit to their wives, but to love their wives. If a woman has a Christian husband that is well suited for her and they have the same fundamental beliefs which should be determined before marriage, then she shouldn't worry about submitting to him because he will have both of their best interests in mind and because he is human he will make mistakes, but our role as wives is to encourage our husbands and love him in spite of his mistakes.

[@amnysti7768]

@@robiniapseudoacacia3 Men & women both were made in the image of God per Genesis 1, he made •them• in His image. If you look at the Hebrew for the women God created for/from Adams side you find ezer kenegdo - ezer being a word of STRONG helper used mostly for God himself in the Hebrew. Kenegdo being •suitable• or opposing. Eve was not created to “submit” to Adam, they were created to rule & subdue the earth •together•. And while many like to point to Eph 5:22 about women submitting to men, in the Greek the verb submit is not in the verse. Grammatically the word submit is •carried over• from verse 21 which states that all would submit to •each other•. Highly recommend the work of Marg Mowczko to see her many articles on the Greek of these verses.

[@amnysti7768]

@@angelicapacheco7176 That is certainly valid & it would behoove the church to honestly reflect on itself. Learning more of the original language, church culture, AND the societal culture around the church throughout it’s history I’ve come to humbly accept there’s a lot of “thus saith the Lord” taught from the pulpit that really isn’t so… it’s patriarchal culture weaving it’s way through the church. That’s not the Gospel.

[@LizzyTwifehomemaker]

I don't know what world you live in, but that's all average churches ever talk about when it comes to marriage. Husband's are always getting the riot act....wives....not so much.

[@livw45]

I totally appreciate and agree with the sentiment of letting things roll off your back and allowing what will be to be in your marriage. I think it's really important to clarify that these messages only apply to relationships or marriages that are healthy and equally loving and most importantly non-abusive. Letting things go and getting over it shouldn't apply if a situation is truly serious. I think this is an important distinction of a lot of women who may find themselves in emotionally and physically dangerous situations - a woman or a wife should also feel capable and confident enough to stick up for herself in those situations.

[@xphienie]

Yes!!!

[@amnysti7768]

It’s also important to realize being flexible, not controlling, not nit picking, etc are part of being a healthy adult & the fruits of the spirit are for both husband & wife. Much of modern Christianity (bc complementarianism & “biblical womanhood” - this “equal but different” - are very very young doctrines only 50-60 years) make these “feminine” attributes but really they’re just fruits of the spirit for all believers. With atleast a quarter of Christian marriages (those involved, serving, & leading) being abusive though this message of one way submission (Eph 5:22 without the framework of v21 - since there’s no verb of submit in v22 it’s carried fron v21) needs heavy caveat. One way submission often breeds entitlement, even if not to the extreme of overt abuse. IMO it’s bc conflicts with all the other verses of simply how followers of Messiah are supposed to be to •each other•.

[@katehb6038]

@@amnysti7768 I think you have missed the enormous elephant in the room of what Olivia was highlighting, domestic abuse, whether that be emotional, financial, coercive, physical, or verbal. This serious issue is pervasive and Delilah's advice misses prefacing abusive relationships, if any person is experiencing DA, Delilah's advice would be very dangerous.

[@amnysti7768]

@@katehb6038 I had to go back & read my original reply (I didn’t before previously replying to you) but I absolutely agree with the pervasiveness of abuse in the church (our rates are the same as outside the church which is horrific & points to major rotten fruit of commonly taught doctrines) & how messages of one way submission breeds abuse . I say that in my above reply so I am a bit confused on your reply to me… Were you meaning to reply to me?

[@klwiedenhoeft]

Caution: you have great advice for anyone who is married to someone like Zach. The advice you give here could be catastrophic for women married to men who take advantage of the "Christian wife" ideals and are abusive (mentally, physically, or otherwise.) You are so lucky to have someone like Zach, but I think husbands like him are rare.

[@prettylittlebookends1480]

This! This is why women are so passionate about the word “submission” some men can turn it into abuse and you think it’s okay because of their religious beliefs when it’s just plain abuse. If your gut is saying not to let it roll off your back trust yourself.

[@Jojo13Lorin]

I think it’s all under the umbrella of having a husband who is himself submitted to Christ- and I’d add, to church authority. When abuse comes in, that’s a totally legitimate reason to find help and seek counsel

[@carrieprivette3032]

A wife chooses her husband. A woman invests herself through marriage with a man, and choosing wisely is incredibly important. The cases of a formerly good, supportive, loving man becoming an abuser are few and far between. It's far more likely that the signs were ignored or a man was chosen knowing he was UNWORTHY or had those traits. It's important that young women know how to choose a good man, before her feelings and life are invested.

[@annewithane7876]

@@carrieprivette3032 exactly! I would add, if there is a genuinely abusive situation, trying to boss your husband around isn't going to fix it and may even make it worse. If I didn't feel safe to submit to my husband, honestly I would consider staying with my parents for a time or something

[@vidz953]

This is exactly what I was thinking while watching

[@Anna7399]

Please always look out for your mental health. Seeing serving as your main purpose can burn you out. Also please keep open to other voices on this matter. There is no one truth and a fulfilled life often means reconsidering what concepts really work for you.

[@narcole]

Hi Delilah! While I'm not a Christian and don't necessarily resonate with all of this, I do have an open mind and can allow myself to be challenged and find some key takeaways in this! I appreciate you sharing your perspective and will consider how some of these things can better my marriage (: So much of it really is letting go of the small stuff and setting a tone of joy in the home!

[@ginachurch92]

Same! And it works for all people. It eliminates stress 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@staceyhookins3433]

Just want to say what a beautiful comment! If only everyone on the internet was so empathetic!

[@carmin9550]

Jesus saves ❤😊much love

[@swatipai168]

Love, respect and honour is the need of every soul regardless of relationship or age.

[@veroop4920]

Not sure what you mean about submitting to your husband. Does that mean at the end of the day your feelings about the situation doesn’t matter? He wins since he’s a man? How’re you stepping out of line? Why can’t you just be right? Why can’t you be in charge? Women and men can share that responsibility. If you’re right, you’re right. Whatever, just going to agree to disagree.

[@hollyconradsmith3851]

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Eph 5:25:30 Husbands are to love their wives. He doesn't rule with an iron fist; he leads with compassion and love and empathy and desires to present his wife in splendor. Husbands should 100% listen to their wife's input and value her opinions, needs, and desires. Does he get the final say sometimes? Yeah. Does he never listen to his wife's input? Of course not.

[@ashriellekent]

Agree with Holly. The man's job is sacrificial love like Christ showed. That means his needs are second. And mine are first. His job is to serve me and our family, with love and not force. My job is to respectfully submit to his leadership in response to his love, while still walking along side him as his partner. Submission is beautiful when the person you are submitting to has your best interests at heart and is leading out of sacrificial love.

[@KalleSchrader]

Submitting to one’s husband isn’t about being a doormat, or holding back your feelings and thoughts, or just letting him have his way. It’s about making the choice to trust him enough to follow his lead, trust him to know what’s best when you don’t or when you might be torn or bias about something, and it’s about exemplifying Christ who first submitted to the father. Why should she win because she’s a woman? Why can’t he be right? It isn’t about being in charge *side note: two people can’t be in charge without there being major conflict. Biblical marriage where a wife submits to her husband isn’t about the husband being a dictator. As Holly said, a godly husband will love his wife as Christ loved us=unconditionally, sacrificially, and from a position where he wants her to be right in the sight of the Lord rather than letting her just “be right.”

[@Adrianne.215]

I have the same thoughts as you Vero. I think often this is In reference to more “lighthearted” disagreements such as schedule differences or a husband taking a nap after a stressful day rather than immediately hopping on board to help with the kids. I feel like this video could have been supported by putting a caveat that the other partner also needs to respect and honor your needs, or talking about specific situations rather than just blanket statements-because these videos can allow people who are in serious abusive situations to think the husband is acting okay. On the other hand-think submission gets the bad rap as never speaking up-I think it could be better communicated as compromise-which is the role of both partners. Maybe that’s not Delilah’s interpretation, but I as a “Christian wife” make sure to voice when I am feeling like our responsibilities are way out of balance or I’m not receiving the respect and self care I deserve-because we are a TEAM. I’m definitely not a “submissive/zip my mouth shut” christian wife-but I am trying to learn to discuss things with respect for both our situations-rather than just assuming the worst of him. That’s just my rough thoughts- I don’t know. This video kind of makes me upset because this can be really damaging if people are not in healthy relationships and healthy churches.

[@itsjustme3785]

Of course many will not understand in this feminist, Godless world. Maybe just give submission a chance and see how your relationship can change, for the better

[@heather6404]

I think part of the problem is that people seem to think that submission means the other person is superior. That is not the case. Submission doesn't mean that a wife doesn't and can't have an opinion about something about her marriage. It's about serving one another in different capacities.

[@alyssakleinhans3190]

Hey Delilah, not sure if you’ll read this, but I wanted to offer my perspective as a female pastor/seminary student/wife/mom. I didn’t grow up with this perspective on marriage (complementarianism), but I did find it later when I was maturing and growing in faith and learning more about God and the Bible. Pretty shortly after I met my husband, and we both held this view because we really wanted to be biblically faithful and live out God’s call in marriage as best as we could. Yet as we progressed deeper into our theological studies (we’re both doing our Masters) and relationships with God, we realized that this issue is not as clear as it was made out to be. Yes, Paul says “wives submit to your husbands,” (Eph 3:21) but one verse earlier says “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” 1 Corinthians 7 also reflects Paul’s view of marriage as an equal partnership when it talks about how both husbands and wives must respect, honor, and not deprive each other sexually. It’s not a one-sided thing- both have rights and both put the other first. We can also think of the passage in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that says not to be unequally yoked. How could we talk about marriage in this way unless it were an equal partnership to begin with? I see your heart and have been watching your videos for years, so I know how earnest you are about seeking the Lord and doing what he wants even when it’s hard, and I’ve always admired that. I just wanted to let you know from someone who has been studying the Bible pretty intensely for the past 10 years that this view (complementarianism) isn’t the only biblical option. The view that says both submit to each other, both respect each other, both love each other, both lead the family is called egalitarianism. It’s not just a “worldly” view. You can get both options from the Bible, but I do think the second one is more of what God intended. I want to emphasize that, because I know that you and Zach have such a loving and self-sacrificing relationship with each other, so you seeing your role as submitting to him works. He is clearly a wonderful person to submit to and won’t take advantage of that. But, when we say that complementarianism (the woman submits, the man leads) is the only biblical way to have a marriage, we’re 1) dismissing really good research and 2) possibly enabling men who don’t deserve to have that leadership to have control over women and take advantage of them in lots of different ways (abusing them sexually because a submissive woman can’t say no-a book called The Great Sex Rescue written by a Christian woman shows this, not allowing them to make decisions, etc). Again, I’m not saying this is what’s going to happen to you, but it has happened to a lot of women in unhealthy relationships where this is the view of marriage. But anyway: my two cents. I see your heart and hope mine came across too ❤️

[@alyssakleinhans3190]

So for us this looks like: we recognize we’re both made in the image of God with gifts and strengths that help us both lead our family, we both make decisions, we respect and love each other, we split housework and childcare, sometimes we both have to let things slide, and it works great. We submit to each other because that’s what Christ calls us all to as believers (Philippians 2:1-12). The only person each of us submits to in a one-sided manner is Christ. He’s our ultimate authority, no person is. ❤

[@Courterfly]

@@alyssakleinhans3190 this is just my two cents but I think any extreme theological standpoint isn’t great and it’s probably better to be somewhere in the middle. Egalitarian vs complementarian Armenian vs Calvinism Charismatic vs cessationism etc.

[@misslyntheena]

There’s a lot of stuff that I cannot agree with but I do agree with the part about „Love Languages“ and it goes both ways. I try my best to help my boyfriend bc he likes practical help, and I like doing it. But don’t forget that your partner also needs to speak your love language, I need his words of encouragement and affirmation and his affection and when that just doesn’t happen it’s fine to not suck it up and put a smile on and pretend to be fine but to try and talk about it. I am so scared of confrontation and arguments but it’s important to get over this fear to talk about what I need from him too. Hope you all stay happy and healthy in your relationships xxx

[@rachelmay2357]

I found this entire thing triggering and couldn't finish the video. Honestly it iust made me feel sick. Your relationship always seemed so loving and equal and hearing you say how you just needed to submit hurt my heart. Hearing talks like this makes me pleased I'm not a Christian and happy I found a man who sees me as his equal and treats me as such. Your family seems happy. I hope you all really are

[@sarahbrown7213]

Men and women aren’t meant to be equal. They’re meant to compliment each other. The man is meant to lead, care for, and provide for his household, the woman is the nurturer, caretaker of the home and her husband. It’s not meant to be an equal partnership, but rather one where each person has specific roles and purpose. It works best that way and ensures both people are happy with their role so there’s less arguments and misery

[@rachelmay2357]

@@sarahbrown7213 I'll have to agree to disagree with you on that. We're very happy in our family. I'm quite capable of caring for my children and husband all while being equal to him. And I can also provide for my family while doing it all. The notion that a woman is only good for cleaning a house and raising children is just demeaning and old fashioned. We woman can achieve and do achieve so much more. I certainly don't want my daughters growing up thinking their only role in life is to find a husband and learn to submit to him.

[@serenabaney997]

I agree with you whole heartedly rachel, and I’m a Christian!

[@swatipai168]

@@sarahbrown7213 what happens when one get sick or passed away in an accident which is very common. If both are equal wouldn't it be easier to pick up the pieces?

[@kaytcat]

@@rachelmay2357 yes!! I too couldn't watch the whole video I started to feel sick to my stomach 🤮 As someone who works in tech along side my husband I definitely feel we are equals. We raise our children together and he cooks more than I do. I would never want my daughter to feel she should submit to anyone and needs to be a house wife. That's exactly what the world doesn't need right now. So sad 😢

[@rosiestephen3075]

Thank you for speaking openly and honestly about your experience. In previous videos you've mentioned 'submitting' to your husband even when you weren't comfortable or in the right headspace to be intimate. I'm glad that you're now comfortable to say no (at least in extreme cases). I truly believe that your partner can show you some of the greatest love by accepting and respecting your decision, because it shows that your happiness and well-being is their priority. Although you're afraid of "nagging" I hope you're able to strike a healthy balance between letting harmless things go and speaking up with dignity when it's important.

[@heythere12]

Kinda agree on some stuff, but some were really cringy. I am conflicted by this video.

[@Sierra-sy1qn]

Same.

[@almostarctic]

a cool thing about the Bible verse where the wife is called "helper" is how the original term "ezer kenegdo" means more like "a lifesaver beside him" 😻

[@keridwenx6457]

Omg this is beautiful, I love these little etymological tidbits. Thank you for sharing!

[@shawnconover00]

It’s also used when describing the Holy Spirit! The Holy Spirit is not lesser than god or Jesus! We can’t say helper in the way the world uses it, we have to think of gods definition!🥰

[@EvelynMG17]

so beautiful ❤

[@almostarctic]

@@shawnconover00 yeah I think when ezer kenegdo is used in the Bible it's almost every time speaking about God himself ☝

[@danirenosidda]

Goodness. That’s absolutely beautiful!

[@taylormakenziereed8115]

Love this! I've noticed that the nicer/more complimentary I am and the more work I put in around the house and into our relationship, the more my husband reciprocates without needing have an conversation about it!

[@azurechapman2226]

This video makes me so sad. As a Christian as well, I believe that we are helpmeets to eachother. What you are describing sounds like your husband is in charge and can do whatever he wants and you need to just keep your mouth shut, smile and be joyful. My husband doesn't want to be in charge of me. He doesn't want to make every choice. We make choices together. I hope you are okay, this video really broke my heart for you.

[@libertylovesnails]

Same!!!!!

[@LoeppkysLife]

We absolutely discuss and make decisions together! But at the end of the day it’s his call, not mine. He welcomes my input and wants me to be in charge of a number of things! But ultimately he is the head of the household and I am his helper. It is not my job to lead him!

[@sabineeliskases8122]

I do not think that this ist what she was describing. I guess what was said is that she would accept and love her husband for who he is. If her attitude towards the husband changes from “why is he never picking up this,…” to “he is an imperfect being, I am too” then he might also start to feel differently towards her. Learning you can’t control one another is what she meant. As far as I understood, he returns that and also respects and loves her more for it. It is not about giving yourself up or not have you own mind about things. Guess it is really complex to explain. 😀I was taken aback at first too but challenging thoughts are ok. But maybe she could clarify😊

[@candiceanderson1132]

I think that people hear submit and think that, that means husbands are controlling and mean and dominating. We aren't called to submit to one another (if you are looking at scripture which is absolute truth) wives are called to submit to their husbands and husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loves the church. Men aren't called to submit to their wives. Of course you're a team, but if it comes down a decision needing to be made that goes to the head of the household. Their is a marriage book called love and respect that covers this and people seem completely fine when that's the verbiage used. But use the word submit and people get weird about it. What Delilah is describing makes me confident that she is in a happy, high functioning loving and respectful marriage. Just as God intended. ❤

[@Joraelfa]

You absolutely don't know what true love is then, and that makes me really sad for you. May God bless you and open your eyes to the truth.

[@kathrync.144]

Like many women, I am a bit triggered by the word "submission;" however, I feel like what you are describing is just boundless empathy. I totally agree that life is much happier and fuller when we take a minute to look at things through someone else's eyes and realize that not everything that we dislike is a personal attack on us. I love your videos, Delilah. Keep being you and keep being authentic ❤️

[@evagonzalezcarro5030]

As an atheist in a 13 year relationship and not interested in marriage or children, I still enjoy seeing other points of view. Your way will not for everyone but it seems to be great for you and your family . I congratulate you for being honest and speaking your truth even though not everyone will agree

[@GabriellePanetti]

I'm also an atheist but I really look up to Delilah as a mother and wife. Taking her tips and tweaking them a bit to our lifestyle/ beliefs has been so nice :)

[@dmphalen]

Idk man, listening to her talk about submission and refusing to say anything negative to her husband is severely problematic in my opinion. Like dang, Delilah RUNS that household and she speaks like she exists only for her husband and the lord I guess.

[@dmphalen]

@@roxxyfoxify I feel the same way. I mean, to each their own: she can live however she wants and she's not telling us how to live our life. To me, it's simply wild to hear this kind of speak. If I said any of this out loud to coworkers or friends they would think I joined a cult haha. I think wearing what her husband prefers is sweet, and speaking kindly makes sense, but the conversation she had with her DAD about SUBMISSION TO HER HUSBAND ... ICK. I don't "submit" to anyone.

[@hannahgreen2876]

I’m noticing most of the women who call themselves atheists are the most open minded in this comment thread, and I’m thankful that you are. This worries me for my fellow Christians who say they’re walking with Christ but know so little about God’s word and His commands. We’re called to be of His kingdom, not this world.

[@carmin9550]

Jesus saves ❤ much love

[@misspepe7416]

At home date night ideas: - Read together. A book. Out aloud. - Watch videos/photos of past vacations/moments together and talk about it. - Try something new together, weather it sounds weird or not, sometimes you are surprised what is actually fun to do together even if you don't enjoy it otherwise (pottery, painting, cooking, games...)

[@malialegros1538]

A marriage should be what each individual couple desires and needs it to be. There is no ONE or RIGHT way. It's the way that works for them.

[@paintandletters]

I usually don't comment but wanted to add a positive one. I've been married now for 4 years and have a 10 month old daughter :) we have learned a lot and come a long way, neither coming from the healthiest homes. Because of that sometimes it feels like we are fighting against a lot of what we learned as kids. It really does take a lifetime. This video is so valuable, it's hard to say things like submission and respect in our culture lol, thank you for making the video anyway. It's not what people want to hear but it is the truth.

[@PollyWannaCracker21]

Agreed! Delilah is brave and strong for shining a light on things like this in this age we are in.

[@emilyoud5190]

15 years together of which 5 married, 2 small kids, both full time workers, no family near, but 0 breakdowns, must be all that equality 😊. Marriage can be hard, but at least let it be shared hardship.😅. Hope your perspective changes in another 7 years.

[@abigat0r]

I find this so interesting! I am not religious and our relationship is EXTREMELY different/progressive - we serve mutually and I would never fake emotion for him etc, we try forgive and forget but we speak it out! We’re complete equals 💗 So it’s interesting to hear a religion changes this!

[@MJB_11]

I don’t necessarily think it’s fully religious views. I side more with what you’re saying and I too am Christian! I think it’s just more of their personal relationship

[@Megan_Truly]

Christianity and it's relationship to marriage can be quite different person to person. Interpretation of written word and personal beliefs factor into it. Growing up I remember being around some of my parents' religious friends and hearing similar things to what Delilah is speaking. I thought it was a little heart breaking that the woman doesn't seem respected as an equal partner. Some of what she's saying I agree with it's okay to let certain things slide but I feel like women we fought for so long for equal rights and that goes with marriage as well. With that said not everyone that went to my church growing up had this same belief system but many people did. As an adult I would consider myself more of a non-denominational Christian. I've gone to many different churches I've gone to baptist churches Nazarene churches I've even attended LDS services and there's always some sort of thing that I don't fully agree with.

[@AngelGrl135]

Scripture calls the husband and wife to both submit to each other. So it is equal ❤️

[@sarahkleykamp9656]

What if you really don’t think your husband would ever put you first and it would be dangerous for your mental/emotional well being to live your marriage in such a way? I wish my husband was anything like Zach but not every man is helpful or kind. We are now in marriage counseling and trying for the sake of my son but not telling my friends and family the horrible things he was doing and saying to me stopped us from getting help sooner and was horribly damaging to me not having an outlet for my mistreatment. I’m not a Christian but some of the principals seem like a good path in life. But this outlook if you are married to a man who takes pleasure in another’s pain and has no respect for women can be very dangerous.

[@jenniferhanson3671]

My ex only cared about himself, so some things get to me like "doing for him", but does he do for you too? When you mentioned the working all week and he wanted to do something on a Saturday, that triggered me. He wanted to go golfing and I wanted to spend time with him, so I asked if he could do 9 holes instead of the full 18 and he said "No. I WANT to do the full 18." I felt like he didn't want to be with me. I didn't say he couldn't go, I asked for a compromise. At the beginning of our relationship he had said "I don't feel I need to compromise". We were together 16 years.. it was always his way or no way, I didn't matter. If he did ever do anything for me (which was rare) he wanted something in return. I would give in to him and he loved it, but he rarely did anything for me.

[@florencejoy5209]

I hear you! This is not the right attitude for somebody becoming husband/father.. not marriage material. What Delilah talks about is doing all the things for somebody who is doing everything for his wife /family. And with kids it means sacrificing sleep, freetime, ect. I hope you find somebody better.

[@dorelia88]

I used to watch your videos a few years ago, you seemed so happy and content, I hope you will gain in the future the same inner peace!

[@beebooker11]

DATE NIGHT IDEA: My husband and I like to sit in our backyard, with our drinks of choice, and take turns picking songs. Sometimes we’ll have a theme for the songs like every song has to have a country or state in it, or 1 song for every year in a certain decade. Those are some of my favorite date nights.

[@RobertaStonequist]

I have recently read through Genesis 25-26 looking at Isaac’s life and imagining how Rebekah supported a well-digging husband. It’s been beautiful because you read how after Rebekah became Isaac’s wife, he was comforted and able to begin the work! I would also make a point that husbands can benefit from helpful critique, not nagging or complaining, but bringing something as the Lord leads because He desires them to grow also. He can and does use us, but as Delilah says in so many words it is often through our love and respect, not consistent negative comments. When I speak less, the times I do speak it is important and my husband loves to hear my opinions and points of view.

[@gabsfairchild]

Lolol, "he thinks I'm the bee's knees." 😂 literally the cutest thing to say ever.

[@annamix5026]

This makes me so much more hopeful about marriage, because currently I only see the cons of it, specifically where I would be bad at it. Submitting and giving up control is my biggest issue as well and this makes it seem so much more fun to be married than I’ve ever imagined it could be. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. You are such a blessing ❤

[@Adrianne.215]

I think this video would have benefitted with specific examples in terms of submission of disagreements y’all have had. Often time submission can be taken out of context, and spiritually abusive relationships can use content like this to push their needs on their spouse without treating the wife with respect and honor. Which I know is not the kind of relationship you’re discussing, or the kind of submission you define through your relationship. Some churches can twist and change the view of submission to push down womens needs. I think while your points are valid, and as a follower of your content I know Zach honors and respects your needs outside of the role of mother or wife (such as helping you have space to create and edit content), the caveat or example would have been helpful to those feeling swallowed up by the role of wife/mother.

[@Adrianne.215]

To add, I do think a lot of these points have been beneficial such as my husband not getting home/off work/ waking up to a grumpy wife. I don’t think you’re at all dismissing having or experiencing these emotions-but that there is a better time or place to express frustration or disappointment with the day at a time when your husband can help fill that cup rather than both becoming angry and frustrating-further overstimulating and overwhelming the both of you. This practice has really helped me and my husbands relationship and my relationship with my kids as well!

[@MultiDaisy1995]

This comment is perfect! I 100% agree. I was raised southern Baptist, but I’m not religious at all anymore. I have seen SO MANY CASES of abuse with “submission” with religious couples…. even worse, in most of those cases the church backs the abuse of the spouse. I think it is so important to specify with “submission”.

[@TheMooresDaily]

Elisabeth Elliot explains this whole thing so clearly. A wife submits to her husband if and only if her husband submits to the Lord. Logically, if a man submits to the Lord, then he will be guided by God’s Grace and moral standards. Never perfect, as we are in a fallen world, but it is God’s good design. Every team needs a coach, it doesn’t make the coach more important. It’s a different role.

[@3ate4]

@@TheMooresDaily can you share where I can find her comments on this? I would love e to hear more on what Elisabeth Elliot says on this topic

[@mktay2067]

The book Let me be a women is a good start with EE

[@ashb2404]

Recently, Colossians 3:17 has changed my daily life... It tells us that whatever we do, word or deed, do do it unto the Lord... When I applied that to my marriage and my role as a wife and stay at home mom it changed a lot of things for my internally... And then I realized that this verse comes directly before the verses that tell a wife to submit and a husband to love... No coincidences in God's Word.... When we honor our husbands we are also honoring God. When we submit to our husbands we are submitting to God... When I look at it that way.... It makes it much easier to bite my tongue or sacrifice something I want....

[@victoriajerke5736]

I don’t subscribe to most things you said, but I can respect that is the way life makes sense to you and your family. I appreciate you sharing your perspective even though it’s quite polemical. I may not agree in 98%, but I’ll always defend someone’s right to be themselves, as long as they are not hurting others.

[@mixedmetaphorMeg]

Ohhh boy, I understand where you're coming from and trust you mean well. But this can be really terrible advice. Please always feel you can mention the downside of your relationship or your husband to trusted friends. Abuse can thrive in the happy smiles isolating you from the rest of your support network. You do *not* need to*only* speak well if your husband.

[@karliebeam]

I think she just means to be kind and speak well of her husband rather than tear him down with unkind/rude words or degrading him to look good for herself. Unfortunately many women do this at times. I don’t think she at all implied hiding or being dishonest if there’s a problem. Always reach out to a trusted friend or mentor if in need.

[@Alexa-qn6ke]

She means don’t maliciously complain about our husbands or absentmindedly vent, just like we wouldn’t want to be spoken of to others by our husbands. If we found out our husbands constantly complained about us to their friends and family we’d be devastated. Abuse is a different category

[@catherinethompson1270]

I would love to see a marriage video on your methods of “weekly/monthly planning” and also one on how you counsel each other, like do you have a weekly counsel session? How do you (do you even) give each other correction/advice? How do you resolve conflict? Book/video/podcast recommendations. What has helped you?

[@arieljayde7486]

I think when women here “submit” to your husband… they don’t see the other side. The husband is supposed to honor and worship his wife. If BOTH parties are pouring love and effort into the relationship… submitting isn’t as it sounds.

[@hannahemery885]

I found this video very interesting to watch and always enjoy your content. I am not a Christian but I do welcome learning about others’ way of life. My only gripe is when you talked about how you could have saved yourself tears and sleepless nights if you had, effectively, brushed your feelings aside. I hope I misinterpreted what you said as that’s not a healthy mechanism for dealing with conflict! Otherwise, you seem very happy and I hope you are ❤

[@annewithane7876]

I can't speak for her ofc but how I interpreted it as someone trying to live a similar way was that you have to let go of what you can't change. You can't change your husband (or anyone for that matter) and if you try it'll just end up with resentment on both sides. It's good to share your opinion when things come up, but don't repeat yourself or force him to do things your way. Just let it go and focus on improving your own behavior and habits. I feel like every time I do this, I either realize my complaint was silly in the first place, or he ends up doing what I wanted, but in his own way. For example, I used to nag him about getting rid of some of his stuff we didn't seem to have room for and he'd get all defensive. Eventually I decided it wasn't worth the argument and pretty much overnight he started reorganizing it so it took up less space

[@hannahemery885]

@@annewithane7876 oh I 100% agree with that!! That’s one of the main things I’ve had to work on in my own relationship, not sweating the small stuff and knowing we can’t change others definitely saves a lot of unnecessary upset! It’s the more serious stuff that I hope Delilah isn’t brushing off or bottling up for fear of it not being important or of not being submissive 😞

[@chrissyvandun3155]

If you look at the Hunters and gatherers or the Egyption time frame. Man and woman were more equal than they are now... I believe that the Bible is misused for power so many times (by men mostly) There is nothing wrong with being submissive as long as its equal.

[@hannahemery885]

@@chrissyvandun3155 absolutely!!!! There should be submission on both sides and compromise on both sides ☺️

[@kathychase234]

I am a Christian w/5 kids and have been married for 24 years. However, the word submit and respect was taken to the extreme with a man I thought was someone else before marriage. I suffered for 16 plus years from extreme emotional, spiritual, and verbal abuse all at the hands of my “Christian” husband. Fast forward to now ? I am STRONG , INDEPENDENT, and have full and complete control of my own life and decisions and have taught my girls especially to NEVER EVER be controlled by a man. God is our provider and protector PERIOD. My husband and I remain married but we are our own individuals and I will not ever let him abuse me again.

[@mktay2067]

That sounds like a lot of hurt it also sound s like the terms Delilah i s talking about were not biblically used but abused and that can happen with any word. A biblical church should be a place where a women can go to appeal for help if a husband is being abusive and they should call him to repentance and of course if it is illegal abuse being done police should be brought in, authority is a God given help! The Excellent wife book deals with this in a chapter well.

[@panyrosas]

The two should serve each other-without feudalistic notions of submission, and, it’s natural counterpart, domination. I worry this Christian heterosexual template of marriage has severely problematic power dynamics. I understand your perspective of submission; however, I never hear the pressure for men to serve or submit to their wives. This can leave (1) the wife performing most of the mental and emotional labor in the house, and (2) a situation wherein the husband fails to reciprocate the same love/effort. These unequal expectations btw the binaries make it so one could easily power over the other. On the lighter spectrum of this template we see incompetent, son-like husbands and burnt out mothers, and the darker side there lies financial abuse, martial rape, etc. How have we forgotten the millions of stay at home, submissive housewives who’ve suffered from substance abuse (notably Valium and alcohol)? The “template” you tout at its peak in the 1950-60s saw masses of powerless, burnt out, financially illiterate wives seeking to escape their reality through drugs. I’m not saying men and women are equal- I’m saying there ought to be an equitable distribution of power btw the heads of household. Such a foundation can prevent many unhealthy social habits and relationships from forming in the first place.

[@frankieglover]

I respect you so much for answering so openly and honestly! I am 2 years into marriage, but with 3 kids 5 and under. I am finally learning over the last few months all of these things you’ve touched on. Many wouldn’t agree, but truly it does make for a happier marriage for us

[@Laure__Line]

One home date night idea : My fiancé and I have two cheap candlesticks that can hold five candles each. I cook in advance so I don't have to spend the dinner cooking. We dress up, set the nice plates and silverware, turn the lights off and enjoy a nice cute romantic candlelit dinner.

[@AlishaH-fo8qv]

What do you mean by submitting? Could you explain a little further? Thank you! ❤️

[@nataliealonso4923]

Coming up on 7 years of marriage by Gd's grace and I just cried with this one, so many of these hit so close to home and I have been struggling to learn to serve my husband in the way he deserves. Thank you so much for your insight as a christian wife, it feels like talking to a close friend. Gd bless your beautiful family and may He keep using you as a light in this dark world.

[@ZielonyKorek]

Hi Delilah 🥰 I discovered your account last week and have been watching some of your films since then, but this one really got me thinking about my marriage and what kind of wife I would like to be but unfortunately I'm not. Thank you so much for opening my eyes. I'm shocked after reading some of the comments. In fact, listening to you make me realise that submission in marriage is nothing bad. It's so beautiful and make marriage so much better! I'm married for almost four years and now know that many of our arguments where caused by me being selfish. Thank you!❤️ greetings from Poland ❤️

[@yashaswiupadhyay1579]

Love this! Thanks for being open and sharing this wisdom 😊

[@sarahlundregan3403]

Even though I'm neither Christian nor a wife, this advice was incredibly helpful. There are some things that you struggled with that are difficult for me too, so hoping I can learn something and implement some of your tips.

[@lillybevans]

Honestly, I was shocked to see all the negative backlash towards Delilah for making this video stating what she believes in but, I don't know why I was shocked We live in a world that is against God and His word and think their truth will stand against God's truth. This subject is very sensitive especially when the world has depicted marriage as a bad thing they worship and idolize boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, same sex marriages, and other Non biblical relationships over the way God created it to be and then they try to make us feel bad or silly for doing it the way God tells us to do it and just being obedient Children of God. Being a wife is more than just getting married to a man and you then become his wife. It's a position it's a work; the Bible says "he that finds a wife, finds a good things and obtains favor from the Lord" it doesn't say he that finds a woman and makes her his wife, no you have to be a wife to be found. When you marry someone you agree to serve this person til death due you part and that goes for both the husband and the wife. It calls selflessness, it calls for patience, it calls for letting go of control and allowing God to work through you and your spouse to sustain it. There are alot of things that Delilah said that alot of people are attacking her for saying. Things like submitting to and respecting your husband. Keep in mind she only spoke to her position as a wife, she did not speak reguading Zach's position as a husband ( which is to love his wife) and just by looking at Delilah in her videos you can tell that Zach keeps up on his position. And if we as people are willing to obey God's command and do them we will notice our lives will drastically change for the better. Submission isn't oppression and the man being head isn't manipulation and control over the woman. God knows who and what He created and who are you to question God and His instruction regarding that. She also mentioned crying and having sad nights feeling alone. If you listened, you would have heard her say that those emotions seemed from a selfish place. Things like her being angry with her husband for going to work to provide food and money to support the her and their children, things like him not picking up his clothes. When you think about it these things stem and are rooted from a childish place. Not only that when you dwell on these things it separates you from your spouse and more importantly from God. I dont think anyone is worth jeopardizing my relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. If you are a child of God you know that when we allow bitterness, hatred, anger and all these very fleshy self centered emotions to take control, it creates separation and division not only between you and your spouse but more importantly between you and God. And above anything above anyone above any relationship your relationship with God comes first. And alot of people don't realize this but when we practice these fleshly desires, the desire to be angry for a reason so childish( when I say childish I speak from the biblical standard of childish) practicing impatience, practicing selfishness, bitterness, unforgivness ect It's in most cases an attack from the enemy(the devil)or can be used as an avenue for the enemy to access your marriage. When you hold onto these emotions too long you realize you start dwelling on negative feelings towards to spouse who was once the person you loved and would never leave whom you vowed before God and congregation of people "death due you part" you start to hate them because they didn't pick their shirt off the floor, because they didn't wash the dishes, because they went to work to to be able to provide food for the house while you stayed home with the kids. When you look at the root of these problems they all stem from a selfish place. And as a Child of God our bodies isn't our own we live to serve God and others and there is so much reward in that. You'd be surprised to know how blessed you'd feel how much gratitude and joy comes from serving others. All Delilah is saying is if she had simply just let Go of the desire to control her husband, or control a situation out of her control, of she had just handed it over to God, If she had just replaced that anger with an act of kindness if she had just practiced the word of God instead of feeding her flesh it would have saved her the heart ache that she caused on herself. Delilah I completely understand what you're saying and I agree with you. I thank you for making this video and I will practice these things. I respect you for recording and posting this video knowing the persecution that would have come from the world by spreading the word of God. Be encouraged and know that your reward from God is waiting for you for standing on His truth !

[@child_of_the_light420]

Amen to that! Very well said , May God bless you 🙏

[@renatasocha9753]

Submission point made me angry, then I realized that is sth I struggle most in my mariage. I want to have all the control, all the time. Thank you for being so open and giving me food for thoughts.

[@AigoQueen]

This is exactly how I felt watching this

[@midkid4sho]

You’ve definitely got me thinking, Delilah! I really appreciate you being vulnerable and sharing 🤗 you are not alone and let’s praise God for sanctifying His children a little bit at a time. I think if it happened all at once, we’d explode haha. HE IS GRACIOUS

[@missflora19]

I think the whole "just put a smile on and let things slide" comment really triggered people. But to be clear she only said with the small, insignificant matters. Having being married for 5+ years I know from experience how valuable this tip can be to sustain a happy and healthy marriage for BOTH individuals! Just because she said to honor and respect her husband, that doesn't automatically imply that her husband isn't honoring and respecting her right back! Who would stay in a marriage like that? 💛

[@jennylgarciajlg79]

Thank you so much for this video Delila. I too have been in a journey in my role as being a Christian wife, mom and as well as modesty. It’s taken years like you mentioned. And the more I walk in my Christian wife role the more my husband reciprocates and does his role as a Christian husband.

[@juliepltz7711]

Thank you !

[@natalalaa]

I'm not Christian, but the roles and duties of a wife you are talking about are absolutely universal. I loved this vide. Eye opening :)

[@alexisb4565]

I read a book several months ago that really gave me a better understanding of biblical submission and femininity. It's called "Eve in Exile" by Rebekah Merkle. There is also a documentary, which was really well done. "Women need to stop being so offended about being asked to submit to an equal. Christ did not consider it robbery to humble Himself and submit to an equal, and neither should we, because when we picture that submission we are picturing the most potent form of glory that there is."

[@JoelleGrace]

Another AMAZING book is Lies Women Believe by Nancy Demoss wolgemuth! (The updated version) Eve in Exile is high on my To Read list!

[@kyla593]

Thank you for talking so openly about what you truly believe about submission and a wife's role in marriage. I am a conservative Christian, married for 3 years now, and have come to the same conclusions as you over time. Our marriage has grown with so much joy, love, and peace when I started dressing more modestly and feminine and when our roles as husband and wife became more defined. We had our first baby a year ago and my husband has more responsibility than ever in working and providing financially while I have more responsibility than ever in raising our son, running the household, and cooking homemade nutritious food.

[@katarzynaczarnecka9189]

That all sounds great but I don't think it works for everyone. My husband is an alcoholic and got us in deep debts. If I were to submit to him and just forgive and forget all of us including our 3 kids would be homeless and starving. He is working on himself very hard and I support him as much as I can but I need to be the one in control for everyone's good

[@hannahlampkins2343]

I read something a few years ago that always stuck with me. While yes it’s important to lean on each other it’s important to look to the LORD to fill and overflow your cup so that you can willingly continue pouring into your husbands and children’s cup without feeling empty. Don’t look to each other but to the lord. We are not perfect humans and we will disappoint each other at times. It’s easy to “keep score” and think well I do all of this for him and he does nothing for me which is not a healthy mindset. Do things for your spouse without keeping score

[@morganunraveled]

I really valued hearing your perspective. I grew up in a toxic southern baptist home and I reject all things religious. however, I have learned several of these lessons myself, in my own way, in my own marriage. for me it’s less about submission and duty, more about remembering he is a human that has needs as well. in my marriage, we are an equal partnership. we strive to communicate and consider each others needs. I am always working to support my husband better. but he does the same with me. there has been a huge shift when I learned to remember that my needs aren’t more important than his, and having the goal of doing things to support him not just doing things with a snarky attitude. there was a huge shift when I learned to see the love he has for me in the support he does give, vs focusing on feeling unconsidered by the things he may forget. being a partner that shows love, understanding, and gratitude. and I think thats ultimately all you are trying to state as well. I really enjoyed hearing you & got a lot from this video even though we both come to these similar conclusions from very different reasonings 💗

[@charlotta5660]

As an agnostic pagan my values and beliefs are quite far from yours. But that is one of the reasons I like your content! I love learning about how other people view the world and how they live their lives. And youtube is a platform where I can do just that. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

[@tinymouse.travel]

I dont get a sense of worry from your videos but the section about submission, control and taking all the blame is slightly concerning... those in unhappy marriages and relationships have these ideas taken to the max. It would be great to see Zack do a husband video to see him say lovely things about you and how he takes on his role as a husband.

[@LoeppkysLife]

Don’t be worried my friend! I willingly take all the blame for my own faults. And since recognizing where I’ve failed and actively working to better myself I have grown so much closer to my husband! We are very, very happy 🤎

[@laurenchoate8768]

I am happy for Delilah that she is enjoying all her blessings. She really seems grateful for her life! We should all be so lucky! I would never want to diminish that. I disagree with a lot in this video and would like to explicitly state for anyone watching this that what she is describing is the husband being allowed to be a person but not the wife. I’m not saying that is the dynamic in her marriage. There is a lot of context we don’t have, including her husband describing his responsibilities. But without that context, that’s the message. Having needs is part of being a human. One person’s needs (to have time away from family on Saturdays) being valid and the others (to have help or alone time on Saturday) being selfish is a denial of personhood. Both needs are equally important and in a healthy relationship both parties make sacrifices and compromises to ensure the other’s full personhood is realized.

[@almostarctic]

you can feel the change and the new wisdom God has given you 💛

[@TravondaBrowning]

As someone who isn’t a Christian, I can see where some people might hear the word submission and think that she means controlling. That isn’t always the case, not for me at least; submission isn’t about abiding by every want and desire that your husband has but rather by recognizing and understanding that it is his home and his kids as well as your own. As someone who was taught to be very independent I had a hard time not having things my way. I like things done in a certain way and at the time I want them done. I have found myself starting petty arguments with my fiancé even though what I wanted done was going to be done; just not in the way I would have. Recognizing his feelings and desires when it comes to things in the home or the children is extremely important. Both parties should find a compromise that works for how they can intertwine their wants and needs. Submission can also be releasing responsibilities that stress one parter out to the partner who can handle it better to make a more positive and productive outcome for both. My fiancé is very helpful and always wants me to give him my stress so I’m not overwhelmed because he has a different way of dealing with it than I do. That is also a form of submission, him giving his love and protection to his wife to allow her to be more vulnerable and embrace her free, loving, and caring feminine energy.

[@jasmineee1220]

Love this! Not married but I do live with my boyfriend of 4 years. It does sound crazy in this day and age because society has made us believe other wise. And it sounds like a lot of added weight/time/stress for the wife. BUT also makes so much sense and I’ve been learning about how to be a better partner for him and our family and the lord and it is SO TOTALLY WORTH IT! Thanks for inspiring me and others ❤

[@abbylheureux1317]

I agree with you! I’m not necessarily religious in my household but I hold my husband to high regard and becoming less selfish and being more selfless in a marriage benefits both parties. The way you say it can sound abrasive to some especially in todays culture of third way feminism but I think there is a lot of truth to it. Thank you for sharing! I can get why it can be hard because this is not the norm now a days.

[@lisaweaver7881]

This is so good!! Refreshing to hear an actual BIBLICAL perspective of being a wife. Hubby and I are married 6 years and I know it's not that long but I am here to say this is spot on!! The book Created to be His Helpmeet echoes alot of what you shared here. That book has changed our marriage.

[@houseofhaase1843]

I have been on a very similar journey this year and have seen God's faithfulness in it all. Submission is very offensive to the flesh but it brings so much joy to the Lord. Love your heart, Delilah 🤎

[@honeyand_sunshine]

How timely! I am 8 years into marriage and have been learning some of the same concepts over the past year. Ever since I started to respect, submit, and serve without expecting service back, my marriage has been so much happier and calmer! Learning my husband’s love language and learning more about how men think has been a game changer. Thank you for being brave and sharing this video, Delilah, it’s never easy to talk about because the work will never fully understand how God’s ways always work best, no matter how hard it is to get started!

[@Coast2Coast88]

Your content is so unique and refreshing. After watching a million mommy vloggers and how generic they all look with phony lashes and Botox, fake personalities. Most of them never encourage buying secondhand..I had to unsubscribe to them!

[@JulietteLatte]

I love your channel and your videos were seriously a life line to me for a while. I hope you’re very happy with the way your marriage is evolving over the years I can tell that you and Zach totally love each other just remember your needs are important too!! It’s ok to voice them! And it’s also ok to guide your husband in any situation that you have more wisdom or knowledge than he. I am 100% sure respect, love and devotion is a 2-way street for them.

[@sydneybrown9987]

Delilah, thank you for putting yourself out there and being willing to share your beliefs with others. It’s scary sometimes. I think these scriptures are a wonderful voice in the subject Husbands and wives should treat each other with love and respect. (Ephesians 5:33) They should care for each other’s sexual needs in a loving way and avoid all forms of unfaithfulness. (1 Corinthians 7:3; Hebrews 13:4) If they have children, Delilah husbands and wives share the responsibility of raising them.-Proverbs 6:20. The Bible does not discuss in detail how married couples should share secular work and household chores. They can decide what works best for their family.

[@wildfamilyadventures58]

Watching this as an atheist wife was really interesting, lots of the things you talk about seem to be around respect and that comes easily when you love the person. I do however draw the line at picking his stuff up off the floor, it's a team and he has a role to play to keep his stuff in order haha.

[@3ate4]

I'm really kinda frustrated with these wife talks Everyone assumes that when you start building up your husband and submitting and respecting him, that he will magically.start loving you the way you want to be loved. Well, what if he doesn't? What if in turn you get your heart trampled on, even when you are loving and serving your husband. I haven't heard anyone talk about that. You all have husbands that clearly honor you, and there are some husbands out there that dont, no matter what you do. Don't get me wrong, I loved what you had to say, but I haven't heard a wife talk about when they love and serve their husband and he doesn't really notice and not only that, but still doesn't honor her.

[@donnacarols8823]

we are still called to respect our husbands even if they aren't holding up their end. 1nIn the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that if any are disobedient to the Word, they, without a word, might be won by the behaviour of their wives, 2having seen your blameless behaviour in fear. 3Your adornment should not be outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on dresses - 4but the hidden man of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a meek and peaceable spirit, which is of great value before Elohim. 1 Peter 3:1-4

[@doracan6321]

Submitting to someone you love (and who loves you back) is the most natural thing, but it works in functional relationships only... There are so many women who just have to be in control, wanting or not, and also too many women who have no control of thier lives at all. So, in a perfect world, you submit to the loved one and he/she will not take an advantage. If you have that, you are lucky.

[@kellymarks5042]

As long as you’re feeling appreciated in this role thats all that matters! I think when you use the term submissive it can come across as one side not being treated as an equal. In my marriage we are equals, both helpers and leaders but both having our specific roles in the household. I think people are triggered by this because in this day and age people are fighting for women to be seen as equals to men and more than just their helpers. I personally think we need to think past these traditional roles where no one needs to submit to be respected. Although I understand you’re following the bible and have these religious values.

[@xphienie]

YESSS! Couldn't have said it better. So true.

[@shueysmissus]

I am new to your channel and absolutely love your family. Watching this video i do understand how it could ring alarm bells. However I think as long as your husband does all those things for you equally as much as you do for him.....showing love, respect and serving you in the same way you serve him. A marriage is 50/50. And as long as those values are shared by you both and you both submit to each other, then I'm sure its a beautiful marriage. x

[@golda_devarim31.6]

thank you for this video and your time. would love to see more videos like this as i deem this very important for all of us women. regarding criticism i would like to add, also for all the ladies here, i agree with not criticising your husband, BUT since open communication should be a priority, you can still voice your needs. maybe not in that specific moment when you are emotionally loaded but you can phrase it more positively "darling, it would help me a lot if you can do xyz because it has xyz possitive effect on me/my work/my chore in this and that way" something along those lines. very important. and yes, ladies, guard your tongue. not only in regards to your husband, but children, family, anyone. guard your tongue. dont gossip. also, i would like to add: we are the backbone of the family and the home. no matter if you are a full time mom /homemaker or work or whatever you do, you are the backbone. embrace it, improve, communicate and build the relationship and family you want to have.

[@jupiterstone827]

I've been married to my husband a little longer than you have, and together for 14 years. What I've learned in regards to disagreements, is that it's okay to talk about what I disklike, but it's not okay to demean him in the process. So you can make a funny joke about him constantly leaving his socks on the floor, but not call him out of his name for something so trivial. I'm learning if you holding in dis ease, can cause disease in your body. Lots of women struggle with autoimmune disorders because we take on so much and never talk about our discomfort.

[@alyssastorey3844]

Honestly shocked but so proud that you confidentially posted such a controversial video. The truth is the truth no matter what!

[@lifeshomework8138]

This is very much like my marriage except we make decisions together. We both have different strengths and together as a team we can make the best decision for our family. My husband is a very masculine, alpha type male but I never feel like I am submitting because he respects me and gives me equal grounds. My husband also always asks me if it's okay if he goes out (I would never say no unless I'm sick) and will typically go out at night around bed time so I just get quiet time. But he'll also watch our son so I can do something fun if I want. Last weekend I went horseback riding, next month I have a hocus pocus party. I'm a stay at home mom so I mostly having fun all day anyways so once month is all I ask for.

[@mktay2067]

Submitting is actually not negative though ❤ it sounds exactly like what you are describing here ❤

[@mikayawhitehead6014]

Loved this! Thanks Delilah. ❤️

[@ariannabotta2158]

I'm at minute 13.13, and i just want to say "amen". Today is my 11th anniversary and everything that you are saying is the holy exact same lessons that I've learned in my marriage for being really and completely happy... Learning to serve with a smile, to let things go, to understand that there is a time and a moment for explaining our feelings and doubts... Everything that you are saying.... These are the keys for having a happy marriage. Of course this is Soo difficult, of course sometimes is more complicated than this... But yeah, these are the keys..... ( I hope you can understand my English ☺️, I'm from Italy!)however it is difficult to explain to others cause it is so simple and yet so challenging that people just can't understand the semplicity of it.

[@EllenDocker]

Love and appreciate this video even nearly a year later ❤ I’m finding lately the letting things go advice is soooo true. We have a young baby and there were so many things I got upset about that when I let them go I felt better and never burdened my husband. They all turned out to be really small things because I would get over it really quickly. Definitely worth waiting and thinking before mentioning every single emotion you experience

[@WinterSolstice221]

It's so refreshing to hear another young wife talk openly about submission to her husband. That's also been a struggle for me, and it's the inconvenient truth that my marriage has been better since I've been working on that. Submitting to my husband means trusting in him. Giving him the space to lead well. If I honor and respect him, it's so much easier for him to honor and respect me (and vice versa). Now to clarify for everyone in the comments who is determined to make this into something that it isn't: submission of a wife to a husband doesn't mean that he gets to treat her like a doormat, or that she doesn't ever get a say, or that her opinions and desires aren't considered, or anything like that. Marriage is a partnership, and we each have our role in that.

[@rebeccadavidson3350]

LOVED this video! Thank you for boldly sharing what you’ve been learning! As a young Christian wife, I really appreciate hearing other women speak the truth and encourage others the way you have!

[@TailorPribis]

Thank you so much for sharing this message. ❤️ I know it's not very popular in this time but it needs to be shouted from the roof tops! Let's be this type of wife ladies! ❤️

[@carlajoyswan]

So encouraged and challenging! So awesome to see that you always want to be the best wife you can be!! God bless you and your wonderful family Delilah ♥️🥲