Impersonal Triangulation

Triangulation revolves around managing and controlling a relationship dynamic by introducing a third party into the mix, emotionally or sexually.
Triangulating partners choose any third party who is perceived - in reality or fantasy - as available.
When no specific third party is available to triangulate with, they makes general triangulation statements such as:
“I always cheat; I can never be loyal; I can’t resist my sex drive; cheating is meaningless; I don’t give a damn about my partner; I don’t even remember him when I have sex with others; I always do as I please at the moment” and so on.
Triangulation is used to get a rise out of the partner and thus restore the relationship; punish for some transgression, real, anticipated, or imagined; sustain a fantasy; or dissolve the relationship. Pushing your partner to cheat is also a form of triangulation.
The word gaslighting was invented in the 1960s, but I was the first scholar to use it in terms of narcissistic abuse (a phrase that I coined to describe the narcissist’s annihilating abuse).
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[@MrFuckface38]

this is not where I expected my acid trip to take me

[@feyzak7667]

Your channel is my guilty pleasure :) There is no one who tells the dark caves of psychology the way you do. Thanks Prof.

[@deanp847]

I knew someone who would trigulate me with other random guys, celebrities she idolized and any random 3rd party in order to test insecurity and judge my reactions. The best response seemed to be complete indifference, but it never stopped despite pointing it out in real time on many occasions and explaining I don't like it.

[@tinachristine4573]

You called out a behaviour that used to unsettle me in some relationships including professional ones. As soon as I sense triangulation I step away.

[@Denise00700]

An old boyfriend used to triangulate by talking about female friends by saying things like “she’s so beauuuuutiful” or “she’s so taaaaalented” or “she’s suuuuch a good person”. He only said those things about beautiful women.

[@Jessiethegirl23]

Just because they tell you there is another person... doesn't mean there is.

[@user-jy9gf3yr2n]

So many influencers or wannabe influencers do this online with their audiences. Many of whom happen to be complete strangers. They share intimate details about being treated poorly by their current or ex partners, family members, work colleagues, and so on. One common theme that I’ve noticed when people do this is that it is expected that you take their word at face value. I find myself unable to trust anyone who engages in this type of behavior and have even lost friendships over refusing to support the alleged victim without having heard the other side of the story. Seriously people get mad if you don’t blindly support “victims” nowadays. I’ve been called mysogonist, racist, and a right winger over this. Ironically I’m a minority, raising a daughter alone, and don’t involve myself in politics because I’m too busy to pretend like I understand them. I found this channel when I thought I was dealing with a psychopathic colleague, but I’ve been impressed by many more of your topics of conversation. Thanks for the content.

[@carmenbrown3437]

Comparing you to someone else is triangulation. Someone who is alive but, isn't even in the picture.

[@itisalright2785]

Triangulation can also be a thing in my opinion. He uses the casino as another lover

[@HEADHUNTER3000]

I triangulated my narc with you 🧡

[@vatogomareli]

shoshanimz in da house ^_^ Thanks for everything you do for the whole humanity! we love you Prof. Vaknin <3

[@laurelmarshall6903]

My father who died in 2018 & who I now think was a 'covert narc' always triangulated his way through all sorts of conversations w/me for years & years. I just didn't 'get' why I could never seem to get the sense of parental approval or even acknowledgement my ego or my little "inner child" was after. I sure didn't know why; but when I would tell him of one of my accomplishments, he would often tell me immediately afterwards about "one of his friends" who seemed so much more accomplished in a similar or same area of development as I, in a sort of one-upsmanship by my dad who described a 'higher accomplishment' by one of my dad's "friends", who wasn't even present at the time.

[@axlx2863]

I’ve just been subjected to exactly this and I didn’t understand it till I saw your video. Incredible timing. Thanks Sam!

[@biljanastanojevic5044]

..sometimes is just enough to say it's nice having you sharing a new thought with us. Have a good night, prof Vaknin.

[@Bornintoclusterb]

Sleepless in Zurich 😂 thank you for this video on how destructive triangulation is!

[@ashleynic4519]

I'd love to see your take on tactics of mate poachers. I've noticed more women try to break up families now more than ever it seems. Like married men or men in relationships seem to be more appealing to these personality types.

[@Garden366]

Yes, I believe my narcissistic sister triangulated me with imaginary people. She would say, “Well THESE persons said I did not do or say (that thing) or I spoke to THAT person who said the same.” She would never give a name, just used the descriptors of those, that and this person. She no more spoke to anyone about her actions than I flew to the moon. If she had, she knew she’d be told the truth about what she did/said and that would be too real and too truthful.

[@etherealbridge999]

Such GREAT direction. I never thought about it that way. After listening, I notice I am absolutely guilty of "verbal triangulation" I use it quite often -- this is super helpful because I've chronically loved my life for years only looking outward trying to create safety for myself by identifying all the "tactics" and knowing I. Some core level we all use and operate using them, but I both refused to see it and also legitimately couldn't see it. Thank you for helping me SEE . Appreciate you and the quality of work you always do and bring to the table. 🙏

[@lorijane1973]

Thank you, Sam! Always enjoy your content. My husband does this all the time with anyone or anything. He constantly tells me he married out of his league. I know it is because he has low self esteem, but I also recognize that there is some work I need to do as well. Relationships are not for the weak, my friends.

[@golnazabaee599]

This video resonated with me and confirmed my instincts. Can this be a form of impersonal triangulation?: A narcissist who was married and never told me this, would tell me things like "Men should cheat" or making clear references to cheating regularly on the wife. Another thing he said was "I am pressed between being nice to my wife and having to take care of my own personal needs." Hearing these made me extremely uneasy.