In a relationship with a Borderline?

[@letgabeequaltrue9097]

Narcissist = love me until I realize I'm too good for you. Borderline = love me until I realize I hate you for loving me.

[@borhan181818]

Soooooooo True, I have been with both

[@glenlepeska8951]

Very well put.

[@chatnoir1579]

Borderline = love me until my anxiety won't allow me to believe that you love me anymore

[@ChefFandangle]

Yesssss

[@paulheath4540]

Bit of empathy guys...

[@tigruana]

Sorry, im a BPD male and what this lady says is 100% accurate. Get in theraphy folks and stick to it, accept that you are mentally damaged and be open to fix it, its life saving.

[@Stigmatix666]

Wow! Honesty.. Thank you!

[@bloodflower2141]

Hey Butcher thx for the sound advice and good on you for the clarity you have in regards to yourself and the effort you are making to stay healthy.. I have a question as i am almost 100% certain my girlfriend that i recently broke up with who i still deeply love has bpd. The only uncertainty i have is that in a lot of these videos i heard very little about borderlines being completely incapable of truly taking responsibility for any wrong doing or mistake they could have made... Never saying sorry.. Manipulating the events that just happened moments earlier in order to *defend* their position.. Rejecting, dismissing, and deflecting ANYTHING that was deemed as even the slightest criticism... Do you relate to these behaviours or feelings?. Thx in advance

[@lyvsix]

I do have bpd too and have never been the monster this woman portrays almost a succubus wtf. Dbt worked wonders for me plus medication

[@reve4574]

@@lyvsix According to you. BPDs never see themselves as others do.

[@chloe-fk1ti]

+3÷q1wwiy

[@nikolasony2361]

Great video. I would like to add my own personal experience. -There's was no reasoning with her, ever. -She was very intelligent, smart, but she had emotional intelligence like a kid. -She was extremly jealous. -Everything was a competition for her (with me, with her sisters, with her friends). -She had constant need for validation, even from strangers. -In her eyes our relationship was almost transactional (I give you smt, you give me smt). -She couldn't introspect nor retrospect. -She couldn't be alone, her last 3 relationships overlapped. -She idealised and devalued me (almost parralel from the first day). -She had extreme fear of abandonment. In the end she abandoned me. -She got bored easily. -In her stories she was always the hero or the victim. -In the beggining she seemed like a perfect match for me, true love, twin flame. She couldn't spend one hour without at least calling me or messaging me. -In the beggining she learned what I loved, liked, hated, what made me angry, and then she used that knowledge to provoke wanted emotions in me. In the beggining it was all about love, and later the opposite. -She was very, very sexual. But it was all about control. She liked to be the 'guy' in the relationship and lead. -She loved to put me down. -She was a serial liar. She looked me straight in the eyes and lied. I talked once with her ex and found she lied about lot of stuff. -She was a serial cheater. -No matter what I did for her, it seemed like each new day started from 0. -I think she was always on a lookout for my replacement. -When she found my replacement who in her eyes was a better match for her, that was the end for us. I knew about the guy. She wanted me to leave her, or that I give her enough reasons for her to leave me. I didn't leave her and I behaved even better for a while, but it was just the matter of time...

[@racso1160]

In my personnal case -reasoning was a pain in the ass .. sonetimes i could but very it was rare .. -Lies aftrwr lies Serial Liar !! - i Went from a pornstar to Nothing after 2 years - Cant remember all the lies but i started counting them and .. it was crazy .. All her insecuritys !! alll of them where projected to me .. I got a taste of each and everyone of them.. - Do everything to her she didnt do shiit for me … and tbe end she was making everything to make it work hahhaha She didnt even meditate once or read a book .. skipped therapy and Didnt make nothing to help us …even begging her .. to get help bcause we were fighting a lot .. even when i wasent fighting i was maning attitude to her … 3 yearsss !!! at the end i took 2 punches in the face .. she threw me out with all my clothe .. txting me shiiit and that she was getting help by monday lol … 3 yers nothing .. its all playing mind games .. its so fucked up

[@Joshdifferent]

Smh

[@escalera601]

Consider yourself lucky that she left you. I went through the same thing. Thank you for sharing.

[@russiantacoman372]

Besides the seeing other people part (which I have no proof of and don't think she did) those points are scarily accurate to what I just dealt with. Even that last point, she flaunted the new guy in front of me as a friend (but with possible potential) but it made me put in even more effort for weeks which was a complete waste of time and energy. Being strung along and then dumped is so painful..

[@msbg8385]

I have a been in a relationship with a bpd for three years. I've been isolated from a social life due to constant unpredictable embarrassing behavior. When I bring up therapy, then I became the unloving horrible person causing the emotional outburst. This relationship literally had me thinking I'm a horrible person. I had to constantly take my partners side no matter how wrong or it would be an argument and adjust my behavior in order to not trigger. I've never had any depression but this relationship has made me insecure. Ashley is spot on. If these people don't seek treatment...They are dangerous and damaging. I need my life back, now I'm patiently waiting for the move out date. Oh and not to mention they can never take personal responsibility for anything and the constant emotional manipulation makes you question every decision you make.

[@smokingas8498]

😭😭😭

[@deasyrosandhee67]

Thats truth.. What ashley said .. I Have done with a BPD He is master of manipulation 😔

[@tovenrvik6336]

Isolating others are what narcissists and psychopaths do, have the person ever been to a psychologist? A person like that will see the different, borderlines have the push and pull.

[@chadbright5133]

Not only do they not take responsibility for their actions or what they tell you that they are "going to do", they flip it and blame you for it to where EVERYTHING is your fault. My girlfriend tells me that I am a big reason why she is the way she is and I started to believe her even though I knew better until I realized that there was something bigger happening with her. I heard about BPD and started researching it and brought to her attention. She had been misdiagnosed for years and it took me to read up and learn about it. I am glad I did because she can finally put a name and 'face" to this condition. However it is devastating at the same time because I know that we can never have the relationship that we had. I can't even talk about it with anyone without breaking down because she is such a beautiful person and I can't do ANYTHING but let her go for both our sakes.

[@racso1160]

@@chadbright5133 I gave my everything to my bpd girlfriend .. 2 years day by day proving her my love and all the agressions . mental abuse and all the hell we went true. We whould go true together .. It wasent her fault .. and it wasent mine .she was sick ..She woke up with her head up her ass ..she was cute .. when she started beiing phisicaly violent .. i saw her like a little cute hamster with rage .. i just watched her go lol i loved her so much but .. she changed .. i saw her flirting .. watching guys .. man WtF ??? when i talked to her about it .. she went nuuts .She finally left me .. All this relationship was toxic to her .. i was too violent and insecure !! mann. Wtfff!??!!?!! She flipped 2 years of our relationship .. everything she v’ames me for isnnt real!! i gave her my everything .. ALL THIS FOR NOTHING !im goin nuuuttss and cant believe what im living .. Not to say her hole family hates me .. her father yelled at me on the phone ... wooow .stupid ass muthaphukka i treated his daughter like a queen . And at the end i aint worth shiiittt AOUUUTCHHH

[@andypsa5131]

This is so accurate. Ashley nailed it with the whole caregiver thing. It makes me laugh now how codependent I was trying to be the savior of a borderline. No matter how loving, giving, and caring I was, the more effort was required. In the end it took me a few years to heal from the relationship, and recover from codependency. What amazed me about my ex, is that in the early days she was so incredibly loving, sweet, and seemingly so full of life and love. How can something so perfect turn so toxic? Welcome to the world of borderline personality disorder. For me now it's so liberating to be free of codependency. It changes the whole relationship dynamic, not only romantically, but also professionally. Healing from codependency allows you to find the confidence to be the person you know you can be without the need for validation. To be so wrong about someone made me search inside to ask questions. The only way I could be so easily taken for such a fool, meant their must have been something wrong with me. Amazingly so many people hop from one toxic relationship to another without questioning why the heartbreak keeps happening. They never question their own impaired judgement. They insist on being a martyr who's cursed in love, but they never come to understand that they are cursing themselves remaining codependent.

[@christinehaigh9807]

Push and pull cycle with BPDs is nerve wracking...

[@sds6303]

Yup, right now she's splitting & I'm evil incarnate. I know she'll be back though, always is.

[@ricardocazares1027]

@@sds6303 oh god I’m in the same boat

[@dougd936]

Wow!

[@kndrg13]

@@sds6303 same here 😱

[@nazcarcup]

no shit. It's designed that way.

[@juhakivekas2175]

There is a rule in life. To accept one must understand. To understand one must know. Knowing -> understanding -> accepting. The worst pain you can give to someone is not letting that someone know so he wont understand let alone accept.

[@dialn911]

I've been married to a borderline for 14 years, and while some of the things said in this radio show is accurate, I think the host is relying a little too much on their own specific experiences and then trying to apply that across-the-board to everyone else with borderline. Borderlines are very individualistic in how they behave, while there's a lot of common traits, there's also a lot of things that are unique to the individual, there's a lot of things that my wife who is diagnosed borderline by psychologist, does that don't necessarily fit in line with what the host of the show is stating. Example she says that somebody who didn't get enough praise or validation from their parents might get with a borderline, but in reality, it's those type of parents that give praise and then take the praise away and do the back and forth of conditional love that in fact create and cause borderlines in of itself. Many borderlines are absolutely capable of love, and feeling deep feelings of empathy toward another. The problem is they don't know how to have love that becomes mature and grow with that mature love to where it's functional and healthy. Having no feelings of empathy or being cold toward another are more along the lines of narcissistic and sociopathic traits, which borderlines may have traits of, bur that definitely doesn't fit the typical borderline across the board.

[@jenniferwilson8361]

dialn911 So insightful and educated. Thank you for being a good well informed support person to your spouse. #fightstigma

[@MsJanetLouise]

Gleen what effects you and leave the rest. I've been married to someone with BPD for 16 years and some things apply, some things don't - everyone is different. I've describe my husband as Jekel and Hyde, so this I can relate to. Right now I'm seperated, my children and I couldn't do it anymore. He also drank and used Xanax. He blames me for a lot of things but I've finally realized I'm not going to buy into it anymore. He also tells everyone I 'abandoned ' him! So, I'm the bad person. Yes, I agree - they don't fight fair - they (maybe not all but in my situation) turn things around- now I need meds and therapy as I'm the problem (I've already been to therapy for about 3 years) and it helped me in a lot of ways - I learned ways to change the way I think. Anyway, he hasn't went to therapy but has been Baker Acted many times- he self medicates with Xanax and alcohol. He's manipulative. The sex is used as a weapon is true - but now he can't use it because sex isn't important to me, but he's admitted to me he's acted this way in the past so she is right about many things...yep, a lot of blackouts...he loves me when he goes to sleep, hates me when he wakes up...

[@kidacross3344]

THANK YOU, I AGREE!

[@r.g.salazar9494]

Agree, this person is overgeneralizing and extremely used to talking out her ass

[@pinkcandy8157]

Mine has made me cry

[@tonylaskowski723]

I left an abusive relationship a year ago. my ex was physically, emotional, and verbally abusive. 3 months after our son was born, she went out, had a one night stand, told me about it, said how much she loved it. I stayed 2 more years and 4 more guys later. I finally left. looking back, I now realize how codependent i had become and power I gave away just to appease things. I now have borders in my life with lines clearly drawn.

[@RoryKMusic]

No offense to anybody who disagrees with her views or may be suffering from BPD, but she is spot on and this is EXACTLY what happened to me 😧

[@erakkovaatainen148]

I reasonate with you, with two borderline guys had my dream life for a while.

[@jameshighfill4432]

My BPDGF was a. Gift from heaven followed by a storm from hell which engulfs kids, friends, family, work, and not one thank you, not one apology and full awareness that everything is 100 everyone elses fault

[@chaydavis7389]

@@jameshighfill4432 "A gift from heaven followed by a storm from hell". You have described my siutation perfectly.

[@Joshdifferent]

Yup

[@james_daniels]

@@jameshighfill4432 I viewed my ex with bpd like that. Now I realize she was awful. I don’t get why I ever wanted to be with her and marry her. She offered nothing to the relationship and just kept taking. I don’t get what it is about these people that mesmerize us so much that we view them in such high regards. So high that we always think of them and wish we had them back. Be like me. Be glad they’re gone. No one deserves to be treated the way some with bpd treat others. If they’re that sick then they should just remain single.

[@syedmammar1]

"No they're not dead! They're just not calling YOU!!" this is exactly what I needed to hear.

[@ChefFandangle]

I had great times with my ex and she was very loving, being loved wasnt the issue, it was the going back and forth between being idealized and being devalued, the turns into you walking on eggshells and questioning how you go about things and what or how you say it. It puts you in a position where you aren’t genuinely being yourself around them. I was made to think that I wasn’t compassionate enough to her. I heard every sobb story 4 x over already, can we just wake up and be happy to be alive and that we get to share this life with eachother. She made things difficult when they didn’t need to be. No one is perfect, love people for who they are.

[@SouthernHuntN]

Dude this was my experience. Insanity.

[@racso1160]

i have loved her nomater what reactions .. no matter what she has accused me .. tolerated at some point physical abuse .. i knew her battle and i believed in her .. she was also a kind and sweet .. i tasted hell and paradise for the last tree years .. but she ended up not believing in me .. the day i decided there was no more arguing .. and fights .. when she didnt réspect my boundaries i would just leave .. the day i started doin that .. i saw her getting detached from me and eventually just dumped me for no reason .. So moral of the story .. Insecurities .. accusations .. raging at me for things i disnt do .. verbal abuse .. physical abuse .. emotional abuse .. She litteraly destroyed half of my belongins .. neighbors calling the cops cause she was screeming outside .. Lies lies and more lies … she asked me to do things for her and when i asked her to do something for me she just got mad .. and played the victim .. and she dumps me bcause i dobt want to argue anymore … Mann. Fuck my life .! I think a couple screws in my head are missing right now and the rest are loose .. I just cant put a word on what emotion im feeling right now … Just numb and Disgusted by life .. But yeah i had some great times with her … just wish to forget those happy moments !

[@Ccpapproved]

"I heard every sobb story 4 x over already, can we just wake up and be happy to be alive and that we get to share this life with each other" Wow this is my exact experience and thoughts. Every single day we spent a long time discussing every sob story and I eventually realized it was draining me. Needless to say things didn't work out and I'm currently trying to pick up the pieces...

[@racso1160]

@@Ccpapproved Your 100% right .. too much time spent discussing it and searching the web for answers when they are none .. we got fucked by psychos in a couple of years from now we will laugh about it … be safe my friend !

[@robertutley1598]

For me it was realizing my codependency and how toxic that can be yes does she have cluster b personality disorder does she have a very serious mental illness yes she did that she do all the hurtful things that borderlines do their rage they yelling the screaming the physical mental emotional and verbal attacks the silent treatment the hoovering that I love you f*** you get away from me don't leave me get the f*** away from me don't leave me I hate you type of stuff yes hit on guys in front of me at bars lie about me behind my back yes all of that over 3 years so many breakups and so many get back togethers until I realized I have codependency nothing really made any sense yes is she toxic yes but I have to work on myself codependency can be extremely abusive going and working on finding a sense of self-love being able to assert boundaries in learning that the word know is not a dirty word. Walking around on eggshells all the time and being quiet and just being passive it's very unhealthy. Going no contact and then working on yourself and realizing that you are attracted to these type of people because when you are codependent you are kind of a savior a rescuer but you can't rescue these people it doesn't work it just falls apart so quickly the sex may be good time together may be good but you're always hoping that the beginning of the relationship continues with never does it always goes bad they devalue you they gaslight you they abuse you and they're extremely selfish they're very insecure they don't know how to love because of their mental illness stems from childhood I went through the same similar childhood as she did but there was some disconnect that made her issues worse I became a codependent she became a cluster b orderline you have to work on yourself and understand that healthy boundaries and self love are so important once you can do that you can see the red flags almost immediately.

[@syedmammar1]

This talk was all about the person I was dating recently. Had no idea what BPD was until they admitted that they had BPD. It was a roller coaster ride from hell.

[@rufusingle2328]

I chased after a female narcisist for about a year. Everything you said is 100 percent truth.I gave and gave in so many ways but it was never enough and in return I was put down in so many ways. I was a needy person , that was my problem. I watched many videos on borderlines and narcisistic people on youtube and yours is the best for decription. You are so powerful in your delivery with the truth on how these people really are.Your truth should help so many people, Thankyou. My eyes are wide open now and Im at peace away from the narcisist.

[@LifecoachAshleyBerges]

Thank you Rufus. I'm thankful for your feedback and happy you are at peace.

[@karendelsol629]

Everything you said is right. I was in a relationship with a borderline male... I used to be a strong, powerful woman... highly educated woman who did not see what it was until I lost myself. He was 10 years younger and he used it as a weapon to tear me down. I ended it. I have a lot of professional accomplishments... my proudest accomplishment was ending thus toxic prison. I am free... worked on myself and the last year I knew I was getting ready... it hurt... but i am better mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I am working on setting boundaries and putting me first... always. If you are hurting because you miss them... know that the pain will end... and life will be great... better than ever.

[@edffrgvffrgv]

Thank You!

[@johnthedespicabledutchman7406]

" I ended it." Good for you and my advice is this ...Never, ever let another Borderline in your life, Karen.

[@tessmcada9469]

Interesting...."Losing yourself" is actually a BPD trait. As is having an issue with boundaries. This woman is not a clinician and unqualified to speak with authority here. Sorry you have suffered. I hope you get some counseling to help you work through it.

[@johnthedespicabledutchman7406]

Time is the greatest healer and the best 'counselling' relating to Karen is for her to run for her dear life and never look back if Karen ever meets another Borderline Female/Male ...ALL Borderlines are nothing more vile, toxic, demented DEMONIC Monsters, who just leave a carnage of destruction of destroyed peoples lives in there wake.

[@shaylamarie960]

My bf is a borderline and I've done research in the past about it, this is by far, the most spot on show I've listened to about the subject. It's amazing how much of this is true. It's been 4 years between us and now that's he's almost completely pushed me away due to his infidelity, now he's like obsessed with me and saving our relationship. The constant push and pull of these relationships make you sick with anxiety.

[@LizaLavolta]

are you broken up now?

[@KilgoreTroutAsf]

Bloody hell, it's like she followed me with a camera to every BPD relationship I've ever had.

[@LorraineGrant]

@ 20 minutes living with a Borderline and wanting a quiet life is like living in a minefield. You have to analyse every word you say and every action you make so that it will not trigger your partner's explosive rage, and the rules for hitting a nerve are always changing. It become absolutely exhausting and means the partner of a Borderline can't be themselves, is always anxious and has no freedom of expression when around their partner.

[@mathematicromancio]

Exactly, and inevitably you end up lying/hiding many shits in your life until it explodes.

[@abadazadytgaming7200]

Yep this is me, u know wat suks u r right, i need help

[@generallee9008]

if this is exhausting to you imagine how devastingly desperate BPD's are. Just knowing someone knows and cares your there keeps us in the fight of our lives. Otherwise it is easy to give up but that doesn't mean you're willing to die and go through eternity in hell.

[@jenniferwilson8361]

There’s even been updates to the DSM. Google “the quiet borderline”. There are different types with varying symptoms.

[@lisagavin3402]

Oh my gosh.....this is so true! They can criticize you, your kids, everyone else.....you can't even make a comment about them or their child.(even if the child has lied, cheated, etc) There are rules for them and rules for everyone else!

[@strcprst1]

If you want to know what it feels like to interact with a borderline, this nails it!!!!!!! Never heard anything so accurate and comprehensive!!!! Ashley is primarily concerned with describing a subjective experience here and does it brilliantly.

[@angelmariamegahey8947]

As someone that has just come out of a relationship with a man that has diagnosed borderline personality disorder, I can confirm a lot of this video is scarily accurate in my individual case. Thank you for this video, it has helped me understand the emotions I've felt in the relationship and stopped me from believing I'm actually crazy now it has ended. And it was not my fault. Or his in their defence. No amount of reading symptoms and them explaining their condition at the start of the relationship will allow you to understand how difficult it will be and the emotional abuse you will face. From a caregiver that sadly fell in love with Borderline Man.

[@vegeta8169]

Yes it all fits

[@tammik4652]

Ditto, ditto, ditto.. every single word.

[@racso1160]

Just remember that you went true all this because you have a big heart .. its all in your honor !❤️🙏🏽

[@matej1987]

Not just emotional abuse. Emotional rape.

[@mgtowrush6603]

You have an incorrect understanding of "splitting". Splitting is not in reference to the BPDer. It's not their Jekyll and Hyde behavior. It refers to how they perceive YOU. They can only see YOU as either all good, or all bad. No gray areas. One minute they think you're an angel, the next you're satan.

[@jenniferliu6337]

He can be Jekyll or Hyde too. Today he is Jekyll, but the next day he becomes Hyde suddenly. A small thing does not bother normal people much, but this can turn him into a monster.

[@trenorman832]

Its funny you say that cuz my ex literally referred to me as an angel a few times when I did her a favor. She never called me satan but she might as well have when she went to the other side of the spectrum.

[@pilotsfan103]

splitting means the person with bpd sees people as either all good, or all bad. Most of the time they "split" when it comes to their boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes something can trigger this but it can also come from out of nowhere. Jekyll and Hyde is not even close to what splitting is. 99.9% of your info is wrong

[@dior2507]

Nope it’s def BPD def a lot of splitting lived in the torture.

[@mayorofthenonsense]

I've been through two of them in 3 years. Although both women were completely different, one left me stranded on the far side of the world with a child, and the next one left me with emotional trauma and an attachment I still can't seem to let go of. The constant push-pull is probably the worst part of it, because you can never feel secure in the relationship, and then they hate you for being insecure. They break you down emotionally and then discard you when you're finally broken. At the beginning it's love-bombing, then it changes to poking and prodding, and then finally you're the enemy. The worst part is that I would still take the last one back if she wanted it.. How crazy is that?

[@jameshighfill4432]

I'm broken again. Shes alienated every friend she has and they all want me to walk away from her.

[@patrickwilliams7552]

Been there man. Had to work through a lot of my co-dependency and rescuing tendencies to get healthy enough not to go back.

[@jjjonse]

Sounds like you are the one with BPD.

[@ChefFandangle]

Its because your Love is real. You accept them for who they are even if that means it brings you heartbreak. You are very loving person, dont let the person with bpd make you feel like youre not or that you havent been good enough, we are all good enough especially id we are willing to work on ourselves. I still love my bod ex too and i would take her back after ive gone through some therapy myself.

[@elsh332]

It's not crazy. There is a real person who you met and loved. You saw who she really is, underneath all the messed up-ness that her overly sensitive emotions create. You sound like a loving compassionate person. That is a beautiful thing. But it sounds like you may have a slight victim mentality... what part did you have? Like, what decisions did you make that you can do differently if interested in a woman again? Good luck in your journey.

[@user-od4op6ng9y]

Now that look back at my relationship of two years with my BPD ex, I wil agree that all she was good for was sex. She never met my emotional needs, never made me a better person, never was there for me, only used me, nothing was good enough. I can go on. Wish I would have left early on, but instead I stayed and ultimately let her destroy me.

[@shanemelville]

I've been married to a bpd for over 24 yrs I came into our marriage with PTSD which kept me from seeing things. it's want until the last 4 years that things for her& I got really crazy. I got better so I was able to love her properly this is when she went crazy to the point she ended our marriage. At first I thought that this was a bad thing now finding out more about bpd this has been a blessing. I'm so much happier even though I'm still griefing the loss of the realationship I feel like I'm free and let out of a cage. Divorce was the best thing that has happened to me

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

Shane Melville you could check out Alan Robarge on yt talking about grieving after the end of a traumatic relationship. he talks about lot of sense. it's n9t bpd specific but does apply to all traumatic relationships whether you ended it or the other person did

[@Earth2Lavender]

I have BPD.. i agree with some of the things that she says but as far as the fighting dirty, using sex as a weapon, and lying is totally not something i identify with. Those things i believe vary person to person but not a behavior solely based on BPD.

[@LifecoachAshleyBerges]

+Ashalea Tucker Agree. If you are working on yourself, and are working to understand yourself, you are in a different place in your life.

[@mr.fettesq.7705]

Perhaps you aren't using sex as a weapon... however if you have ever emotionally blackmailed your partner, like... demanding something otherwise you won't touch them or hug them or kiss them... that falls under that flag. Also if you have ever used your words to cut your partner deep, either weapons insecurities or twisting the knife just b to hurt your partner because you want b them to hurt the way you happen to be hurting, well then you have been fighting dirty

[@mickhobday-ub4rw]

You wouldn’t identify with it because in your irrational mind you justify your own fucked up behaviours as being completely normal but in reality you are doing some serious mental damage to the people who actually love you. Get into DBT . Stop hurting people.

[@Earth2Lavender]

@@mickhobday-ub4rw Do I know you? Didn’t think so. How foolish to make wild accusations about a complete stranger on the internet. But, you be well.

[@tonybparalegal]

For a borderline to refrain from having sex with someone once he/she starts having real feelings for the other, totally makes sense. The feelings of vulnerability that inevitably follow feelings of love or strong feelings in that directions, scare the hell out of them. They will sabotage the whole thing knowing it will make the side effect go away.

[@nicholaszarra7737]

Ish Kabibble Ding!Ding!Ding!

[@jasonrodgers993]

Its crazy once you understand it.....the whole using sex as a weapon and ofcourse when you have sex you feel lonely afterwoods because if they are giving you a treat......you know it could be ages till the next time......the nights I spent looking at the ceiling I lost count.....

[@Nedargiordano]

Jason, do you believe a 2 year old could plan to hurt others?? No!!! So why would a borderline go out of their way to hurt others?? They are just people that were so abused and neglected as an infant that they never grew up in emotions and only information and they don't have their own identity and so they mimic you and study you and try to give you all the love that at that moment they truly feel for you and as time goes by you are treating her as an adult but she can't understand because she is just a baby and yet you'll get frustrated and try to talk to them but they are not seeing the world the way you are and they are not evil and they just are completely lost and if you would've treated her as a 2 year old and you would have kept her happy and given her space and what I'm trying to say is that the only way to keep them is to understand them and get them to get help but in ways that you would try to get a 2 year old to do something and they are terrified of change and they want someone to love them unconditionally but don't know how to ask for it and they don't know a lot and have to grey areas and these people have a damaged brain and yet there is hope but only if you know she is a BPD from the start and want to help her but later when time goes by it becomes hard because they already had so many negatives you made them feel and go through than they can't trust anymore just like a 2 year old..

[@Nedargiordano]

JASON, I'M A PSYCHOLOGIST WHO BY LUCK MET A BPD RIGHT BEFORE GRADUATION AND YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.. THEY DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE AT ALL AND YOUR ACTING AND SAYING THINGS THAT IMPLIES SOMEONE WHO IS PLANNING AND TRYING TO HURT YOU AND FUCK WITH OTHERS BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE AT ALL.. THEY JUST CAN'T SEE THE WORLD AND THEY ONLY SEE BLACK OR WHITE AND NO GREY AREAS AND SO THEY ARE SO LOST AND IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO GET THROUGH TO YOU BECAUSE IT TOO ME A YEAR OF STUDIED EVERYTHING AND OF ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS AND EVERY CASE IS DIFFERENCE AND THEY ARE NOT EVIL AT ALL AND THEY ARE JUST IN PAIN AND EVERYTHING THEY DO IS TO ESCAPE THE PAIN AND I'M NOT SAYING TO LET THEM AND I'M JUST SAYING THAT THEY WAY YOU MAKE IT SEEM IS THAT THEY ARE PLOTTING AND THINKING AND THEY JUST CAN'T AND IT'S CHAOS AND IT'S JUST EMOTIONS AND I GUESS YOU WON'T GET IT AND YOU ARE IN A WAY LIKE THE BUT WORSE BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY HAVE NO CHOICE AND YOU DO AND YET YOUR SEEING IT ALL IN BLACK OR WHITE... IT'S ALL IN THE DETAILS AND STAY IN THE GREY AND YOU WOULD SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR OWN DAUGHTER OR SISTER OR ANY FAMILY MEMBER YOU LOVE.. YOU JUST TOOK IT ALL TOO PERSONAL AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BUT I HOPE YOU RESEARCH AND TRY ....

[@jasonrodgers993]

George....if you caught a someone with borderline disorder early in their life and helped them then thats great.....but i sir have more experience day in day out than you which makes your claim about how qualified you are look silly.....you studied it ive lived it......stop talking out of your butt about they dont know what they are doing and they dont plan it.....infact shut the Fuck up.....my wife set fire to my clothes,tell a lie she tried knifing them first but the blade was too blunt.....took my clothes outside and set fire to them.....I dont know any 2 year Olds that can do that over a perceived slight.....my wife is quick enough to accuse me of cheating yet cheats and blames it on me......she does not care......she chooses her actions....please stop defending these disgusting individuals....I honestly wish you well if you can help people before they become fully fledged Jedi mind cunts.

[@pyarikhan9279]

I thought I was the only one going thru the manipulations of the borderline Thank you it made perfect sense

[@cassandrachurchill7279]

This describes npd better than bpd

[@craigdaniel3262]

I’m 75% of the way through this... I was 35 when I came across the book she referenced ... 13 years ago ... I had tears running down my face in Barnes Noble, and I am not a cryer, because I finally knew there was a name for what had plagued me my entire adult life. I committed to remaining single for all these years, and it hurts hearing her describe EXACTLY - E X A C T L Y - how I used to be (and prob still am) ... but simultaneously it is so refreshing and healing hearing her discuss it because while it hurts, it’s hopeful to know that there’s a start to figuring this out ...

[@onewithsource9742]

Well done Craig. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Awareness is a great first step.

[@ChefFandangle]

You can be Loved, people love you.

[@JjnKxs_tv]

I don't agree with her in respect to Empathy. She mentioned 27 min in, that they completely lack empathy. That's a misconception. It's not all the time - only during times of stress. I have a lot of empathy, almost too much a lot of times where it becomes absolutely overwhelming. However, there are times where I lose it completely - no cares, lack of feelings etc. I go numb. We do know how to love, but we feel instant disappointment when things don't go the way we feel they should. People, contact me if u wanna talk to a person who understands it bc they're going through it.

[@LifecoachAshleyBerges]

I appreciate your feedback and would love to get your perspective.

[@willib1]

Ashly is spot on "no empathy". They may find kittens and puppies worth empathy Most of the empathy is reserved for them selfs. Keep in mind there is really no such thing as " pure bpd". It is often comorbid with narcissistic personality disorder. Personally I think that quiet BPD is the worst they are the pitta me of the covert narcissist everything is about them and their self-pity and self-worth. If you can run for the hills and don't look back.

[@vishaunprasad3519]

( Wow...errr, I just read the post above me don't think my post was necessary now lol) 1) Are you really stating never date someone with BPD? I understand that the girl that suffered from BPD in your life may have caused you emotional pain or other negative affects, however you cannot state never date a girl with BPD just because that one particular girl caused you so much pain. There are plenty of women who suffer from BPD that have the willpower, intelligence and overall desire to control and regulate their illness. Just because this girl did not do these things in your relationship with her does not mean she will not accomplish these things in her life and certainly does not mean all girls with BPD shouldn't be dated because of your experience with one individual. If you are dating someone with a mental illness and you love them you need to set your boundaries understand what they are going through but at the same time understand what you want from a relationship and where your boundaries are located. Keep them firm and if crossed make your decision on how to proceed based on the circumstances within your relationship. Remember you aren't there mother and they ought to have a desire a strong desire to improve their condition, if problematic which in my opinion a majority of cases are. 2) "They are not good people" - Like seriously? What makes a person good? I really don't know the details regarding your relationship with this girl that has BPD. I am really sorry for the hurt she has caused you which you do not deserve. However a statement so broad and bold like this? If I mixed water with poison or some other ingredient which directly effects the substance it's taste, smell and texture. Gave it to you and asked you to tell me whether it was good or bad what would you say? Well, depending on your perception of the color, texture, smell and taste which I hope you don't taste it XD. You would conclude it is either bad or good without taking into account it's original components was simply water which most people would judge as being "good". What I am trying to say is you do not know what is at the core of these people unless they are healed. They are all normal glasses of water like the rest of humans and ought not to be judged by their mental status and behaviors since these are just secondary manifestations of a deep rooted psychological disorder. I don't even know why I bothered writing this, since in my opinion due to your past experience it will likely not influence your opinion on those who suffer from BPD. I have made this opinion based on how an event can change your opinion on an entire group of people whom are suffering beyond your comprehension. Just like many others who have disorders. To those whom do suffer with BPD, do not expect this illness to just leave and go away. The cycles you encounter will continue repeating until you start targeting the mind and pushing for healing. Whether in the form of DBT, exercise, mindfulness. There is hope and people do care, I care. There are many others that care as well humans are amazing creatures and there are far more good people in this world than bad when you learn to accept and become less judgmental of others. The most important thing that I cannot stress enough regarding BPD is please ask your doctor to test you for ADHD. Adult ADHD and BPD is a horrible combination and in my opinion extremely difficult to cope with. Only 10% of the population with Adult ADHD are diagnosed you may not experience hyperactivity but the part of your brain the executive part that is involved in thinking is either non functional in extreme cases or impaired. When taking medications monitor how these drugs effect you, keep a close eye on not just your emotions and how you feel but if you have aspirations to go to school; your memory. Above all else you really need to push yourself with this boulder that is on your back. No one can do this for you, writing things down in a notebook your goals for the day and ticking them off as you go is a great way to start being in control of your own life. I have faith in you, and so do many other great people in this world. I respect who you are and know that anything you desire in this world including being free from this illness can be accomplished if you work hard towards it like everything else in this blessed world which we are all fortunate to be living in. Do not let anyone judge you, and if change isn't something you wish to strive for then it is your decision and your life. Just understand the consequences.

[@tonybparalegal]

I doesn't mean they are 'bad' people. But it does mean they have a fatal character flaw right off the bat that they are bringing into a relationship. I have an ex who has BPD. We were together for several years. I worked on things with her more than every other relationship I've every had, put together times 10. Because of that, she says she's healed more through me than anyone else in her life including two exhusbands and a sister. Now, I'm still in touch with her but, I wouldn't ever get that close to someone with those issues, again. She's talked about fixing some of these things for 6 years. She's in a more peaceful frame of mind, now, generally, but hasn't ever worked on a single thing, even though I've always jumped on my own flaws that bothered her.

[@vishaunprasad3519]

I was replying to someone else's post that stated they are 'bad people' lol. I agree with you, they do have an extreme fatal character flaw which is identity and lack of love for themselves. Your a very strong person for being in that relationship for so long. It's a draining relationship if the person is putting everything they are going through on their significant other. They must understand the reasoning of why they are behaving like this in order to help stop it from continuing. Everyone has flaws, just make sure that she hasn't damaged your self-esteem in anyway. Best of luck mate :3

[@nataliealtemose9191]

My father was a BPD, and I had a shell of a childhood because of it. Ironically, I ended up having close relationships (platonic and romantic) with several people throughout my life that very well may be BPD. I used to ask myself "why do I keep attracting this? What is wrong with me?" And you SAID IT -- we accept it because we are already used to it. The red flags that other people see and RUN at, people like us go "oh everyone has quirks, no one's perfect, I'd want them to be patient with me, etc etc". Thank you so much for this talk. I see a lot of angry comments here, many from BPD sufferers. I understand they may feel attacked - but that is not the intention here. This talk is meant as a support for neurotypicals dealing with BPDs. Life is short, but on the other hand, life is way too long to spend it with someone who makes every day miserable. I think rewarding relationships are possible between BPDs and neurotypicals, but I think it requires a lot of work, and the BPD actively getting treatment and support, probably for their entire lives. BPD is something that the afflicted suffer from - they dont enjoy it any more than we do. Like any affliction, it requires treatment and help. You wouldn't let a wound stay open and bleed all over the floor every day. Don't neglect your mental health, either. However, if a BPD is too impossible to live with, their neurotypical partners need to know that it is OK to leave. You dont have to hate them or be angry with them. But you can't sacrifice your entire life and any chance of happiness because of someone else's affliction - one that causes them to be more likely to be abusive. You dont need to accept someone taking an emotional dump on you every day for the rest of your life just because they, unfortunately, have a problem they never asked for. Whether or not the relationship has a future or can eventually be rewarding again is unique to the situation and depends on how responsibly BOTH parties approach the issue. Unfortunately, I doubt that is often the case. Relationships between two neurotypicals go to crap half the time, so you can't really expect one with a BPD to go a whole lot better.

[@milosm.2580]

My spouse have BPD. But what choice I have? He is not a bad person.

[@normanhart]

oh my God this talk was all about my ex girlfriend.

[@jonsmith8083]

Norman Hart pretty much every woman has this disorder

[@Isaiasguerrerorivas]

Same

[@MikeLarry37]

All of mine as Well. 😌

[@MikeLarry37]

@@jonsmith8083 Yep.

[@kayceejane1740]

I know many Borderlines have a problem with how they are conceptualized as a whole. They argue that they don't mean to create interpersonal issues and are not as unempathetic as they appear. The issue here seems to be that Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are comorbid, and often appear together. Borderlines will exhibit some trait or another of the NPD, some more than others which means they are on a Narcissistic Spectrum. So while some Borderlines, are simply so consumed with their own emotions they failed to take yours into account, others actually do get a rise out of pushing your buttons and throwing you off your track. Because they feel completely out of control inside, they tend to replicate that on the outside and usually they will try to take control from those around them by any means necessary - deception, manipulation. They also tend to think that ANYTHING they do while under distress should be excusable and may even blame you for being the source of the problem. So there certainly seems to be a deficit in empathy or perspective taking. Borderlines also may differ on the amount of remorse they feel over what they did when they felt out of control. Some people feel absolutely shitty and regret their actions, while others claim the they could care less about the consequences of their actions as long as they are not negatively impacted. In conclusion, I understand if some Borderlines are offended by how they are so uniformly characterized. But, we also can't deny that many borderlines are highly narcissistic and willfully inflict pain on others to get what they want.

[@livelife5947]

Kaycee Jane BPD & NPD don’t often appear together, sometimes they do, often they don’t. The disassociation we BPDs experience is often interpreted as a lack of empathy, actually it’s overwhelm like when a computer overheats & shuts down. The problem I’m seeing is angry traumatised victims of NPD watching KZbin videos by other angry traumatised victims of NPD, spreading misinformation & attributing all their sht to BPD. These people are not Dr’s or experts in any way & usually only have one experience of some psycho ex they dated & now according to them every BPD is Satan. It’s the height of immaturity at best, at worst it’s actually extremely toxic & harmful. And what they never mention is that BPD is usually a byproduct of childhood trauma/abuse, they make it seem like we have mental health issues for no apparent reason. Anyway, it’s triggering because it’s abusive but whatever.

[@chatnoir1579]

Less than 40% of BPDs are comorbid with NPD. And when only about 2% of people have BPD, you're talking about a low number.

[@chatnoir1579]

@@livelife5947 And if you try to correct their thinking, they devalue your insight because if you have BPD then you can ONLY be deflecting or manipulating when you correct someone. No matter how wrong and naive they are, they're right and we're just delusional.

[@shanoncoufal9334]

Being married to a BPD is exhausting.. he didn’t know he’s BPD I certainly didn’t know! I lost myself is exactly how a felt once the marriage ended, I’m slowly recovering and getting back to who I was before we met. Looking back it all makes sense.

[@jessiemedeiros7507]

If you are suffering from bpd, turn this off. Go to Valerie Porrs videos or embrace bpd. You deserve to get better, with diligent therapy you can stop showing symptoms of bpd in as little as 2 years, don’t do this to yourself, get educated on DBT God Bless

[@EllyLugosi]

Jessie Medeiros yes 💙

[@EllyLugosi]

Jessie Medeiros I think she’s a little confused with narcissistic personality disorder. She also sounds so angry and wounded by her three former partners. They sound horrible. But we aren’t all like that. I felt horrible listening to this. Not because it struck a chord but because it’s such a generalised nasty attempt at explaining BPD.

[@Stoney-Jacksman]

they wont ....loook for treatment.. no they will scour the internet for videos like these and scapegoat. they try to shift it to NPD..but its BORDERLINEEEEE. Go find treatment instead of googling videos about borderline for victims of your fucked upness. Go do something and do NOT start a relationship until you are deemed safe! but you wont do that..instead you will do everythinggggg BUT find treatment.

[@cristineamie2815]

yes! keep avoiding the hell you put people through.

[@rcfreaks6281]

Well said. @@Stoney-Jacksman

[@paulallen4169]

wow, this is after blowing my mind, it has answered so many questions, I had a brief encounter with someone with BPD who I dated for short a time, and in such a short space of time they broke me down mentally. I felt confused after it ended, and a relief at the same time. now I would be able to see the signs from a mile away, if your fortunate spot the signs early on get out while you can.

[@glenlepeska8951]

Amen to you. Me too. Only about 4 months. That was enough to drain me before I finally had get of her.

[@proteamusic8576]

I've never had a BPD client who purposely entered a relationship with unethical intentions. It's an impulse psychopathology.

[@LifecoachAshleyBerges]

+Serena Lucine Verseau Good observation!

[@reve4574]

I don't believe that for one minute. They only know control and manipulation. You're dangerous as a therapist because you allow them to wrap you up in their reality distortion field. they are always the victim--no matter how horrendous their behavior.

[@mikejones9906]

Psychologist don't understand that these people are born liars and master manipulators, they feed off of your sympathy for them..

[@BK-ef8wf]

@@mikejones9906 that's completely wrong. People with bpd aren't born liars. People aren't born with personalty disorders. Bpd is a trauma disorder. It is the brain protecting the person from abuse/neglect they have suffered as a young person with a developing personality. To be honest, all these comments being totally rude about people with bpd seem to be lacking much more empathy than a person with a bpd diagnose does....

[@heatherhall3452]

You are completely negative and boring, you have nothing constructive to say because you lack education on BPD - sounds more like revengeful jilted girl friend to me...

[@DonatelloLabouche]

So much TRUTH! THANK YOU Ashley. As I just got rid of my BPD partner after just watching this pod cast, of ONLY 1 MONTH! THANK GOD!

[@flyprincess69]

They need to teach this stuff in school

[@KCGLivingInGray]

If there was any legitimacy for her outlandish and incorrect information, I could maybe...but please look into other opinions. This woman has no credentials.

[@blablabla769]

Literlly why don’t they, why do we prioritize geometry over taxes, navigating healthy relationships, etc

[@racso1160]

I didnt lnow about it till i met my ex .. at the age of 37 years old .. woow just woow ..how could i have been so stupid ? I kneew somwthing was wrong with her .. she was special to me and tryed to save her .. believed in her .. watever i did .. nothimg of that counts .. all the hours spent reading .. trying to find ways to better comunicate .. and Nothin worked .. i just ended up exhausted and told her my way of thknking .. how she provoced me and after play the victim .. its so unreal .. that i cant believe she doesent notice her lies .. anyways it ended up . that i was taking a beating and she was blaming me for while i was taking punches « Look what im doin because of you» jahhahahja

[@racso1160]

They should speakmore about mental health .. i learned it the hard way .. just gave my hearth , my trust and all my eneegy to someone who didnt even Try to understand me .. and was constently findimg ways to gaslight me ..

[@Joshdifferent]

Thank youuuu. Yes

[@rebeccarebecca2321]

This was 100% my relationship with my ex. Pushing boundaries, hot and cold, ignoring, distancing when we got to close, shitty bday gifts or no gifts at all, always gets pissed if you ask what they are really doing he would turn it around on me and accuse me of being insecure, other "friends" that were female, could never meet or hang out with his friends, Say "I just don't see a futre with you", If I said I love you he would tell me he didn't then want to come over and have sex right after and be super passionate about it so I wouldn't leave, spending all his cash on his friends etc the list goes on and on. One big mind fuck. Mine was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and BPD. He was unmedicated on top of that. Fucking nightmare. Thank you for this. I appreciate it. xx

[@MiamiPush2theLimit]

Rebecca Amaya I think your ex was actually a narcissist.

[@donna1420]

Rebecca Amaya yes it is a nightmare and no one who hasn't been in a relationship like this can understand the trauma it causes for the non

[@reve4574]

they all do now a days......

[@michelledb2988]

Thank you for sharing... ive experienced the same thing in my life... the pain they cause is so unreal you dont even think people would believe you if you told them... its very grounding to hear im not alone and being in a relationship with someone with bdp is so incredibly painful..

[@jenniferlove4239]

Same here. Almost 100% like my bf. - Really!! Almost all the things the same...

[@StoutNerd]

Not really sure where you got that 1 out of 3 and 1 out of 4. It's actually much farther from that, about 2% of the population suffer from BPD, with some room for misdiagnosing and lack of self consciousness from BPD sufferers about their own condition, but that is very far from 33% of women and 25% of men.

[@raylaughlan5324]

Yeah, right?! When I heard her say that I was like “wut...” also she seems to be confusing bpd with a few other conditions that can be comorbid with bpd, but some of the behaviours she’s describing would be due to the other condition(s), not the bpd. And on top of that, there are 4 subtypes of bpd, which she doesn’t seem to realize... lol lots wrong with this!

[@mst-pierrem5729]

Stats are actually really hard to be accurate some say 1 to 2% but more recently it more like 5-10%. A therapist said that men are often underdiagnosed or people with anger issues. It really more common than people realize.

[@smilersmiling]

That would be crisis levels if that many of population suffered from it. It would be very noticeable in society.

[@KilgoreTroutAsf]

that's the only thing that sounded off. everything else, spot on.

[@KilgoreTroutAsf]

maybe she misread 1/30 and /40, or she was speaking about subsyndromal cases

[@kallasusort2986]

Ashley you are so good on this topic - I was in a 14 year relationship with one. Talk about roller coaster ... never ending. The 3rd personality drove me out. And grateful

[@Alleycat50]

Holy smokes Ashley, you hit the nail on the head!! Never heard or read anyone explain borderline more accurately. My ex is textbook Borderline and unfortunately I was his victim. It’s been a painful journey breaking free. Knowledge is power. Thank you so much for this podcast.

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

When I think back to what the borderline did to me - walking away on the day and refusing to reimburse a plane ticket when we were headed for my parent's funeral, making friends with people who had hurt me badly behind my back, constantly going from sunshine to storm in a nanosecond, the walking on eggshells, the words of love followed by threats of revenge, driving off and abandoning me in dangerous districts or in the middle of nowhere - I am so angry with myself for not leaving sooner.

[@matchbox7811]

Borderline is like a jack in the box, but instead of a cute funny clown scaring you for a quick 3 seconds, it's that alien spawn that jumps out the egg and covers your face. You will then be knocked out for a while and wake up feeling like you survived a confusing ordeal. And then when you least expect it... your whole chest is ripped out and you're left twitching mentally motionless and the spawn that was in your heart runs off to devour other people.

[@MickiMarple]

This whole podcast has borderline personality disorder confused with narcissism. 100% sure of it.

[@tylermassage6220]

Mickaeluv_ absolutely incorrect! However bpd and some forms of narcissism are very close

[@susisonnenschein5069]

tyler massage All cluster b personality disorders overlap a lot. NPD and BPD and Antisocial DP go often hand in hand.

[@chocmuffin9004]

You are right.... there is sooo much stigma.

[@ObscurasCozyCult]

Yeah definitely more NPD related

[@cheetara639]

This is called comorbidities. Each person with some disorder without treatment may have another problems associated with the conditions and in this case that she was talking it's BPD with cluster B associated. Watch videos about BPD and the clusters A, B, C of Dr Grande. He is a doctor and there's so much information on his channel. He explains BPD in each person, like in the men is different than in the women, etc..

[@dawnhudson9924]

Your little angel is a black widow spider. 😂😂😂🤣😅😅😅🤣

[@clairemarieemma1736]

Omg, this is so on point! My male borderline has just disappeared out of my life. Completey shut down. Ice cold.. It's a f**king nightmare roller-coaster ride. Thank you for the insight, Ashley🙏 💜

[@jasonwilliamarnold]

Ashley nails this. Married for 23 years to pwBPD. Her assessment is gospel truth

[@youcanthandlethetruth6976]

Borderlines are brutally honest and it takes a very strong person to handle that.

[@true4585]

Robert Elliott Very.

[@chatnoir1579]

Not necessarily. I stray away from saying the brutal truth because that pushes people away which is the opposite of my life goal.

[@lpsglitterpaws8536]

We need more support for non-borderlines. These people destroy lives and not enough people know about them. It’s unfortunate when it’s a family member that you can’t get rid of. Most non-borderlines suffer in isolation because it’s too hard to explain to others.

[@beyondbeauty6921]

Lps glitter Paws They should be made to sign registers A “BPD REGISTER” so ppl entering relationshits with these folks could be made aware!!! And beware!

[@Stigmatix666]

@@beyondbeauty6921 Yup. It's basically no different than being in a relationship with a full blown sociopath

[@Stoney-Jacksman]

exactly but they are making it hard...just LOOK at the comments..its all BORDERLINERS trying to defend their behaviour, and scapegoat! Every video about BPD , even reviews of books..they are there ! everything BUT finding treatment and NOT start a relationship until they are deemed safe. No..they try to manipulate themselves mostly and others..everywhere..and because this happens..people will keep getting confused about it..and thats exactly what they want! They want to shift it to NPD ,(because then they will not have to feel bad about themslves) not knowing its very alike and in the same spectrum. Its fucking sick!

[@barb7124]

I am a recovering BPDer who is starting a campaign and blog for full support of those who love a Cluster b. I fully agree there is way too much whining and bullshit blame games with them. I fully accepted my life as a desructive shitshow, and that is where the healing began. When I quit saying "NOT ME ITS BPD! and instead saw myself as a monster. Anyone can alter their behavior if they really really want to. It starts the day you accept full responsibility for yourself. If you really "can't help it", you need to stay out of all relationships. Stop love-bombing codependents to take care of your infantile needs while you rage and fuck and drug and cut and blame every Narc from here to Tulsa. Just stop it, BPDers! Grow up!

[@Stoney-Jacksman]

@@barb7124 Good for you and YES! Ive have been in a weak/sick state fo a while and befriended a girl years ago.I was dealing with a lot all on my own. and her came this person who wanted to 'help'.. There is no day in my life that I HATE MORE and i swear this on God. Than the day i met this murderer, i Didnt want a relationship, wanted to be friends, did make themistake tho to have sex with her a few times..both adults i thought no harm. I wasstuck at home almost every day for years and we spoke a lot through phone etc..anyway long story short, this person has ruined my life, and i have a lot to offer and i was soooo pure and had love for humanity...man the story is too complex.. but this mariam bpd cunt, THERE IS NO ONE IN THE WORLD I HATE MORE, AND actually i dont hate anyone besides this monster. If i wasnt sick at that time and isolated i would have seen it coming and it would have been easy to drop and split. Like i did many times before in life when i EVEN SMELLED TOXICITY..but this devil snuck in..poisoned everything and I WASNT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER..her sick manipulative behaviour and 'us' being so close destroyed my mind that was already fragile. These people are the WORST on the planet, and the worst is they spend time every day to counter the opinion about them..instead of working on themselves.. i hate that society lets them get away with murder..literal murder. it may be not with a knife or gun, but even worse..and then they feel bad for themselves and be the victim. EVEN COLD BLOODED THUGS THAT I HAVE KNOWN ARE MORE HUMANE THAN THESE MURDERERS!!

[@datsumcrzysht]

This speaker is describing symptoms of multiple conditions, all under the guise of BPD, which is a specific condition in and of itself. I started listening thinking that she was an expert in the field which I’ve realized is very far from the truth. As we like to say, being a victim doesn’t make one an expert in the field. She should’ve brought someone onto the show, specializing in the field.

[@usagicore]

i would agree if the title of the video didn’t explain that this is about having a relationship with someone with bpd and less about what it’s like actually having it. there’s a lot of other documentaries about that though if that’s what you were looking for - they have in depth interviews with people who actually suffer it and (a number of them, definitely can’t vouch for all of them) do a decent job not demonizing the sufferers. i don’t think it’s unfair to have a victim on an episode dedicated to what it’s like being a victim. i think she should have clarified maybe that not all cases of it are the same, but i would hope that that’s a given to most viewers

[@cheetara639]

This audio is definitely about BPD with cluster B traits. There's a lot of comorbidities related with personality disorders if they are not getting proper treatment, and the type of comorbiditie will depend on the person. In this case of her experience said on the audio, it's also exactly like my ex, BPD with cluster B. So for me it related a lot.

[@Silver.Forest]

All I can say is the speaker is speaking exactly what I experienced with my husband. She is speaking my truth and exactly what has happened to me in having to live with this type of person.

[@patrickpepin8577]

This is amazing. I met this woman that was introduced to me by a mutual friend. We instantly had a connection and fell in love within the first 2 months. The sex was incredible. She would let me do anything to her sexually. She was so nice sweet and easy to get along with. Everything was perfect. I really thought that I found the woman of my dreams. Then the hammer came down . She started to provoke arguments out of no where. She accused and blamed me for everything. If I said something that she didn't like. She would storm out of my apartment. I would get the silent treatment for days. She would act cold and distant at times. Then she would come back to me and cry her eyes out. I would then forgive her. And then she would do it again. Confusion and projecting her insecurities was the norm. Everything is going great and then all hell would break loose. I started to question my sanity and started to think that I was responsible for her behavior. She then started to devalue me and deny me of sex and affection. Nothing was ever good enough. So she went from idolizing me when we first met to becoming an emotionally abusive girlfriend. After bringing me down she discarded me and ignored me. I found that she lacked empathy and compassion. It felt like she wasn't capable of loving me. Drama was always around the corner. I have now went no contact with her. When I brought it to her attention and she denied that she needs therapy and treatment.

[@MiamiPush2theLimit]

Patrick Pepin lol you are probably a narcissist.

[@blesshumility396]

I met my baby mother just like that and after all these years i feel exactly what you are talking about. Her family doesn't understand her. I been trying to find out what I did for her to give my child in her stomach away to her aunt and uncle, it's been 18 years of maybe.

[@jasonrodgers993]

Miamipush2thelimit.....you think everybodies narcissistic lol

[@patrickpepin8577]

jason rodgers no but I think you might be lol

[@Eyes2theSkies]

Patrick, you just described my recent experience with my ex-narc. I feel sorry for him, but I had to leave as the abuse was escalating and I was feeling like the incredible shrinking woman.

[@klarpan]

Thank you so much. Listening to you is listening to someone who knows what I endured whitout me having to say anything! This picked me up from a very dark place. Thank you again!

[@tammik4652]

Almost three years.... tons of videos (including yours) and THIS ONE NAILED IT. ASHLEY YOU ARE GENIUS! You hit on topics and points not many people talk about. Thank you!

[@robynography7487]

I’m TRYING to recover from the abject hell that I have been through with someone who exhibits these traits. When you were talking about labels, I got a phone call from a Psychiatrist when I was 40 who told me that my father, who was his inpatient at the time, had ASPD. I can’t tell you what a relief it was to finally understand. Which brings me to how I ended up with a BPD man. God bless you, Ashley. Thank you for the enlightenment.

[@jz8938]

I just dated a BPD male and 90% of what you said is SPOT ON. I wished I found this you tube earlier, so I don't have to spend so much time obsessing discussing with my friends about what the hell was going on with that relationship, because all what you said gave me the answers I need, which me and my friends would have never been able to figure out, I had never got involved with a BPD so simply had no idea I was dealing with one!!! Lucky for me, I'm sensible enough to notice something is very wrong with this relationship and I pull myself out just after one month, it sounds short and seriously, I was already torn apart pretty badly. Thank you for clarifying things so bluntly, this is exactly what I need to hear to really learn my lesson, and I'm sure it'll help others who was the prey of a BPD person!

[@corianddenise6118]

I don't believe she means that they literally don't have the capability to love or be empathetic to ones feelings, but that obviously if they aren't getting the right treatment or until they receive the right treatment they will be doing this same compulsive behavior.

[@studywitharchitect]

Anita Wong 👌🏻exactly

[@MarkyMark2177]

He’s a covert narc you ignoramous

[@gypsy-nr9zd]

Marky Mark lol

[@erino7583]

Umm sorry but we are not predators who are out preying on people ... this is a serious mental illness no one asks for so just because you dealt with what your assuming was someone with BPD does not mean it was actually true nor can ONE person(if they truly have it) represent everyone else - we are individuals ... I’m sorry for ur bad experience in general but please educate yourself -actual experts in the field before you go making assumptions and stigmatizing people even more ... Thanks

[@glenlepeska8951]

I listened to this fairly intently, and mostly it's true. But, people with BPD do have empathy. And, no they're not bad people either. I now realize of I just went through. The fast moving sex, after the 3rd date and telling me "I love you". This lasted about 5 weeks. Then one day, she flips out. Tells me "I am overwhelmed" and told me we were "done". I was upset. Then she would keep texting me. I ended up agreeing to meet her where we talked and agreed to only be "friends" and see where it goes. Well, a few months, we did exactly that. She invited me over for dinner, when I got there, I made a comment that I had forgotten about the invite due to busy work. I leave, later that evening, she calls me telling me again, we were done and called me some very nasty names - screaming. I ignored her a few weeks, we again "got back". A lot of this podcast is true, this woman would get angry over little things. On Veterans day, I had off and we were hanging out. I made the comment that not every one has it off. She flew off the handle, says to me "You f^%^ing irritate me. You have no respect for any Veterans" This woman has serious issues. MS, depression and I personally suspect BPD. I know she her parents abandoned her, she was adopted and had been sexually abused as a child. She sent me a text a few weeks ago, it only said "Geez, I can't find a man who wants to have sex with me.". I was appalled. Anyways, we had a big blow out, she called me every name in the book. She hates me now and told me via email "I only like you as a human being". This woman, in a short time made me so depressed it's unreal. Now, time to heal and move on. I blocked her from all forms of communication.

[@grmadomo]

Wow, took care of a diagnosed BPD for 5years, no gratitude, no empathy no love, violence & disrespect though, this post is accurate..i could deal with the schizophrenia..BPD was the real monster..

[@antonioortega2588]

Gsupreme wait a minute. Your partner had both BPD and Schizophrenia? I just left my BPD soon to be ex wife for the 4th and final time. But I suspect Schizophrenia too. That is some kinda combination 😳 how long were they diagnosed with the Schizophrenia or were both diagnoses discovered at the same time?

[@64maxpower]

When I start dating again after my opening line in meeting a woman will be" are you a Cluster B?"

[@dougd936]

My wife told me heart pain was only from a heart attack. That something was wrong with me because I told her how much she was breaking my heart. Causing my heart to ache. According to her heart pain only exist from a heart attack.

[@EdsardRavelli]

Dear Ashley, Having watched probably over a thousand youtube videos (who hasn't?), this is my second KZbin comment ever. Usually I use way too many words to express myself. In this case I will start with: Your video will probably change my life! The rest below is for the men watching the video. I was in a relationship with a borderliner. I was very successful when we met. The passion, the sex and the excitement were the best ever. It was intoxicating. And for the first year, it was amazing. She had admitted she was diagnosed with BPS but that she was "over it". Gradually, without me realizing it, i lost my sense of self. Like the "Salami Tactic" it goes so slowly that I did not notice. As a caregiver (i admit that I am a pleaser just like and because of what Ashley describes) I wanted to fix her. I remember telling her, friends and family, that I saw the diamond underneath the mud and that I was going to bring it out. So that other would see her like I saw her. But the reality is that I lost myself, my company and most importantly my selfworth. I married her because I thought "This will give her the thing she needs to be better". Afterwards I decided to have a child with her, for the same reason. Finally when there was nothing left, litterally, she left me and (too still control me) kept my daughter away. As an example: The day before my companies bankruptcyhearing she only wanted to talk about our relationship and what a worthless person I was. 6 months later I fled our house because I was thinking about killing myself. I got therapy for depression. In hindsight I believe that there should be a "BPS Spouse recovery program". I spent a fortune and 3 years to get a divorce and I now have joint custody. I have also noticed that I tend to be attracted to women with BPS. The passion, the sex and the excitement make you feel alive. But the fact is this: In every vampire movie you see the passion, the sex and the excitement. And there is something attractive about (female) vampires. The difference is that someone with BPS will drink your life blood. You will not win. Ever. You might survive but not in a life worth living. GET OUT before its too late. I made my peace. I am a caregiver and that won't change. I will spend my live giving my little girl the love she deserve, compensating for what she experiences at her mothers. But I will never fully recover. If only because I am forced to deal with my ex and maintain the peace. Love yourself first. Safe yourself. GET OUT. GET OUT NOW!

[@EdsardRavelli]

Dear Alex, Not sure what you mean? What happened after what?

[@EdsardRavelli]

Dear Alex, I did a search for the word "reality" just to make sure. It does show up halfway my comment. And the text does continue after that. Maybe not showing up on your app or browser? Read more button?

[@armandelarosa9090]

glad I am not the only one who lost almost everything to this type of person.

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

Edsard Ravelli thank you for sharing this. I really hope the men reading it will listen to you because apart from you saving your life the impact on children of this type of dysfunctional relationship is truly horrific and usually long term if not permanent. they become the carers to other bpds and narcs which is not a good legacy. Hopefully you can help your daughter

[@MiamiPush2theLimit]

Edsard Ravelli I think you are a Narcissist. Borderlines are your supply.

[@heyoka3202]

I think you confused borderline with covert narcissism. I have been in relationships with both. Borderline actually do give a lot of emotions during the golden periode. The narcissists emotions are fake but the sex is even better because there are more shameless. I have discarded them as soon as I realized that I was abused.

[@uonlyuonlyu4999]

Don’t forget where she’s coming from..Ashley Berges says @ 20:55 :”I dated a borderline before, I actually I dated 3 ..a long time ago , and all 3 of them WOW! Oh my lord! , and it was well because all of them were very interesting ,2 of them had had very good job highly employed highly education level Umm..you know, had brothers and sisters”...I think someone who said that the main reason to date someone was because the person to date had a good job and brothers and sister .. there is a big problem right there, and when you date 3 of them for the same reason and then after was such a horrible experience for her... even more...I totally agree with you and BPD has many overlaps with other personality disorders each individual it’s unique , I think all this videos who are no addresses the subject with a proper Scientific research should be Banned from KZbin because it’s so confusing and so hurtful for people who live with the disorder o who live or is in contact or know someone who suffers , who’s want to help or understand BPD behavior and person who engage with BPD behavior personally.

[@uonlyuonlyu4999]

I think they should be more videos on KZbin talking about the kind of personality that engage over and over like she does , and they feel they are the victim constantly and the awful person always are the others..and they don’t get over it,like you said once you realize the abuse you discarded them ,

[@amberreyes549]

Can “golden period” last 11yrs before they “drop the veil” ?

[@LizaLavolta]

They are on the same cluster b spectrum and have a lot in common. Often people have both

[@apple1234iou]

Ive been thinking about the similarities between covert narcissism and BPD because I think my ex girlfriend has strong traits of both. The worst for me was the idealisation and devaluation cycle. Its happened a few times now. The last time was last week as she said she doesn’t want to be with me. Im blocked again.🙄

[@Scoopsaz88]

My girlfriend and I have issues going on in our relationship that I cant figure out. She has made an appointment for a psyche evaluation but I figured best that I be proactive in figuring things out if I could. I guess I should have payed more attention to your delivery from the beginning as It seems to be condescending and negative. This isnt exactly what I'm going for in terms of helping my relationship be the best it can be. My girlfriend had significant childhood shit happen to her that I'm pretty sure the way you present this disorder would trigger the living shit out of her and make things worse. The picture you paint about people with this disorder is disrespectful and horribly put. I usually read through the comments before watching videos, especially long ones like this. However, I'm glad you seem to be helping people so keep up the work you do. Count me out though because I love my girlfriend enough to not even want to entertain the things you are implying this disorder has done to her character and worth as a potential mate. We all have issues, doesn't mean they can't be worked on and controlled. I'm out to help her and I get there...not knock her down and kick her on my way out the door.

[@tylermassage6220]

SCOOPS TRAINING GROUP I thought the same way as you...let us know how the psyche evaluate goes. And if she has bpd, rest assured she will hide it from the evaluator. I hated the negative videos at first, but I learned that they were correct. Do me a favor...tell your gf you think she is mentally ill...ALL borderlines will instantly point a finger at you and tell you that YOU are the crazy one If you two are still together after 2 years, come back and tell us how your perceptions of this video changed, please.

[@steppingintograce6038]

@A.J. Ello, yes with pure BPD, and depending on the particular makeup of the person with BPD, I understand they can get a lot better with DBT, etc... and supportive grounded loved ones. I just recently found out my sister likely has BPD from my new counselor. Although, over the last couple years as we have needed to be in greater contact due to my mom's dementia... things got really bad for me... and counselors from Alz Assoc, etc have said its mental illness in my sister. My counselor in NM and then here in OR since I moved, said my sister is not going to get better because she is blaming entirely outside herself, not showing any concern for my wellbeing. So, I have been advised by professionals that I need to leave the relationship for the most part for my own health. So, BPD manifests differently. For me in my situation this recording is helpful. But, I can see that you are likely in a very different situation. Wishing you and your girlfriend all the best. :)

[@dk-m9529]

SCOOPS TRAINING GROUP I’m so glad to read this....my daughter has borderline it’s genetic and she has had some issues throughout her childhood that would disturb someone who doesn’t have it but for her she feels it in such a higher level it’s incredibly painful and exhausting for her all the time to deal with such extreme emotions that she can’t regulate like the rest of us.....it’s exhausting for the family and anyone she is in a relationship with too...since her diagnosis she started dialectal behaviour therapy which is teaching her how to regulate those emotions and recognise what is real and what is perceived which she has a lot of trouble with...it’s hard work and it’s going to take years of therapy for her but as her Mother I can’t just up and leave when the going gets tough and I love her so I spend a lot of time learning everything I can about the condition so that I can understand her better and find ways to alleviate not only her pain and suffering but also my stress levels too....I have found so much negative information surrounding the condition and not a lot of empathy for how much they suffer and the amount of self loathing and shame they feel about their thoughts feelings and behaviour, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.....if you really love her and want to help both her and yourself the best advice I can give you is to read as much information about the condition as you can and read as much information about Dialectal Behaviour Therapy (DBT) as you can. Get her into therapy with a therapist who is trained and specialises in DBT.....we are still in the early stages of therapy but just me understanding what’s going on and learning tools to help both her and me has changed our life.....people with BPD tend to be demonised and thrown into the same category or narcissism I have found but really they are incredibly sensitive and fearful and have no way of controlling their own emotions it’s a terrifying way for them to live....but they can get better....they will always have it but they can learn to control it to a point where it’s not impacting so dramatically on themselves and their relationships and end up living relatively normal lives...as well as the DBT their therapy should address any trauma induced ptsd that quite often accompanies their BPD so as to lessen the triggers that can fuel their condition....I hope that something I’ve said may have helped you and lastly make sure you take care of your own mental health because no matter how much you love them it can take it’s toll...good luck 😊

[@robertmcguckin2713]

SCOOPS TRAINING GROUP I thought the same in the beginning as well but after 18 years just couldn’t deal with it any longer. She sucked the life out of me!!

[@shaunlannary2848]

How's the relationship with your super empathic girlfriend going ?Rip your heart out and fed it to you ?

[@youcanthandlethetruth6976]

I actually came up with a cure for cancer and my BPD never thanked me for sharing it with her.

[@Gallierification]

This video seems like a venting video about what you experienced with a BPD person. I suppose you made it to validate your pain over the different relationships that caused you pain. It should be a big warning for anyone suffering from BPD to not listen to this for assistance in understanding you're illness. It's meant only to validate people who are in a relationship and how they are experiencing pain or confusion.

[@MrJeepsterman]

This is exactly what its like

[@MsJanetLouise]

Gleen what you can, leave the rest. Not all BPDs and relationships are the same. Everyone can't fit in the same mold...

[@MrJeepsterman]

@@MsJanetLouise nobody's relationships are exactly alike. That's not what this is saying either. BPD relationships are RIDDEN with conflict

[@merryphin2793]

Every single thing, EVERY SINGLE THING you said in this hour and a half is exactly what I've been going through!!! Except he is not physical. He is so awesome, intelligent, creative charismatic, has a great job, loves his job and is proud of what he does... but it's as if you've been with me every step of the way with this relationship. It's always a mind bender... Thank You for you incredibly accurate description. I've lived with narcissists and now this for my whole adult life. I've had to do some deep soul searching in the last few years. It's been very agonizing, but I'm in a better place and healing now. You are definitely where you are supposed to be Ashley! Thank You!!!

[@traciecampbell1142]

Ms. Ashley,. thank you for helping me confirm that what I knew is indeed what I know!! I'm in a long term relationship with a bpd male. You have made me see, without the desire of even addressing his already diagnosed bpd, I'm in deep down a hole without a chance of coming up! Therefore, I began my plan to get out about a year ago. Because at times I found myself questioning myself still; you have made me see that I'm totally going the correct direction, up and out! Only I must pick up the pace a whole hell of a lot!!!!!!! Sincerely, tlc

[@MoP02]

You clearly need to read the newer comments.

[@traciecampbell1142]

MistressxofxPain Pre Tell

[@traciecampbell1142]

MistressxofxPain Pre Tell

[@traciecampbell1142]

MistressxofxPain Pre Tell

[@traciecampbell1142]

thanks to mistressxofxpain

[@cosmeticcarrepair]

This video is so good, so informative. You need to listen to it several times until it all sinks in.

[@LifecoachAshleyBerges]

Thank you, glad it was helpful

[@mikel442]

I’ve been dealing with a BPD for 20 years (married 15 years). Textbook example. The best sex I ever had at the start. Then the clinging and then the devaluation. But the great sex kept me looking for that seduction phase for many years. To make it worse I’m very empathetic (codependent). We’ve split 4 times but this time will be the last. I have to get out now for good.

[@tovenrvik6336]

Sam Vaknin is an Psychologist who's diagnosed Malignant Narcissist, he is married to a Borderline, he told that Borderlines have empathy and a big heart, but when they gets angry, they become an secondary Psychopath ‼️✳️Starseed INFJ Heyoka.

[@LR-yu3mx]

Married to one, walking on eggshells all the time, we never were fighting, I was scared

[@tiffanyspring3085]

This is about narcissistic personality disorder, not borderline personality disorder. Narcissists are often misdiagnosed with this or have this as a coexisting disorder.

[@Stigmatix666]

BPD = Psychopathy! Psychopaths are usually also narcissists... Any more stupid questions??

[@aurorasin4875]

"Borderlines can't love"? ..... no... no, I can assure you I can love. And I love STRONGLY.

[@aurorasin4875]

You sound extremely bitter. Pretty sure you've been hurt by a person with NPD, not BPD.

[@reve4574]

yeah, right. you think of it as love, but it's really just mirroring. You're grotesque examples of human nature.

[@SkullKing11841]

reve 457 Fuck you.

[@annlahindre3172]

That’s not love! Love is caring, compassion, understanding, selflessness, patience, putting your partners needs first and trying not to hurt them! Hatred is causing pain, being selfish, lashing out for no reason, hitting someone when they are asleep, calculating damage and pain. Inflicting scars across someone’s soul just for kicks because it makes you feel better and to be used as fuel by the bpd is not love! He would tell me I was a Godess to him and I was his world one minute. The next hour he was calling me a cunt, whore, bitch, liar while pinning me up against the wall and threatening to kill me. I know very well what it feels like to have broken bones, to be held hostage and be terrorized by a bpd all the while I had given him access to my finances and he “lost” $217,000 of MY money, then doesn’t feel remorse. No apologies for any of it, instead he blamed me for my own abuse!

[@bubyeets1161]

You can only if you can trully define love...only very few in this life can. Good luck.

[@christinehaigh9807]

They never ever apologize for saying hurtful things to you, either.

[@erakkovaatainen148]

@Big Boss Donkarasu I heard MANY apologizes from BPD, but what's the point if you do the same thing again and again?

[@SloopO-H]

Total bs. I said sorry every other breath and meant it.

[@beckysand1]

This is identical to my life right now... However, I kicked him out and now I’m being thrown under the bus... I’m insecure , an alcoholic, troubled...etc. That’s what he is telling everyone. Please.... I’m stronger now than I ever was.. let them talk. I have the home, I have the boys, I have a life now

[@classiccustomhomesinc.2473]

I have been married to a borderline woman for 29 years... I'm almost dead

[@user-od4op6ng9y]

Surprised you lasted that long. Good luck bud

[@reve4574]

Im sorry pal, I've been there--25 years. thought I could hold out until the youngest turned 18. Couldn't do it anymore. The boy is 13 now, lives with me, custody battle--over a child she almost totally ignored, is now entering its 4th year.

[@reve4574]

asswipe, Tess.

[@neel9137]

Classic Custom Homes Inc. hope you're doing fine now.

[@prosecute1966]

Tess Anderson That isn't very nice.

[@mutantmecha]

i fell in love with a borderline girl and loved her dearly. but all the time we were dating it was like she thought i didn't love her enough or that my love for her was wrong. and i was totally and utterly in love but it was hard. i miss them allot actually lol strange

[@macypittman8811]

Abandonment and fear of rejection is huge with BPD. So trusting people is very difficult. The emptiness and self loathing in BPD runs so deep that it is hard to connect to others love.

[@menopassini9348]

It called co dependence. You might have some of same maladies.

[@racso1160]

I must be codependant too because .. I gave her love by the ton … Couldent have givwn her more .. maybe too much .. and at the end .. i got exhausted .. and it ended up very badly .. No words .. can descibe howw i feel stupid and betrayed .. by this girl who i gave my everything … and sad to see that she his unaible to see the love the support , she was my best friend my everythkng and .. i was just The next guy .. :(

[@susanhogan439]

This was the most incredible description I have come across with my personal experience! You described my BF perfectly and exactly. It’s as if you were talking exactly about him. He is 99% like this. You have done a great service tonight by me listening to you!! I am a total wreck from all this. 2 1/2 Years of being with him to finally put the puzzle pieces together. So manipulative! Would love to get help from you. Thank you completely for validating exactly what I have been going through and what I’m dealing with. You are clear and very articulate. Thank you, thank you , thank you!!!❤️

[@caroljean1962]

It is like you are talking about my ex-husband who I was married to for 22+ years. Unbelievable! Jekyll and Hyde, self loathing, cheating, sexually abused by his mother, and drug and alcohol abuse, and very sexual and more. When he met me he said “I knew you were a good mother”. Being a caregiver attracted him and the rest is history. He was diagnosed BPD seven years into our relationship.

[@belln0263]

Wow this is spot on, you just described my "ex" to a T. it's so hard to let a BPD go. You want to help them, but you really can't. I feel helpless :,(

[@nfc598]

I wish you were more educated on this because you're nice to listen to, but you should consult with someone who actually suffers from BPD, and not just heart broken boyfriends.

[@jensmith9812]

Seriously! Not to mention u could have 20 people in a room with BPD and have 20 different personalities and symptom presentation

[@lusilapinon5487]

I wish I had seen this about myself, years ago. I could have saved myself so much pain.

[@LR-yu3mx]

Exactly. I was married to one. He was so shallow. It felt my life was empty. He seemed to fall in love with men. He stayed away till 2 o clock..in night..after I phoned police asking if there was a car accident...he would walk in as if nothing was wrong. I was married to him for 36 years. Last three years he became extremely depressed and psychotic. He demanded sex so often I got totally sick of it to this day...as if I was forced ...for 36 years. Then I had a narc mother on the side and they were cahoots. He had rages I had to always hid from the kids. He once nearly killed me.. I stayed with him solely for my kids. I did not love him for many years. But stayed. Before he died he said I was like a mother to him. To be honest...I was relieved when he passed away from a heart attack. All it did to me was...it made me strong...yes...I had to save him and always feel sorry for him. Walking on eggshells all the time to prevent rages. Only thing positive..he worked and brought in a salary. When I went back to teaching I started building myself up..In those days we did not know about these personality disorders and I had to go to psychologists who let me down and never came up with the truth! I think they didn't know it themselves. I just had to be strong and keep strong.

[@carluvrsd9374]

After listening respectfully to the end of the video, I feel abandoned. "I'll be back again in 3 shakes..." Then nothing. All my relationships end this way.

[@exovit6348]

WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH. I HAVE BPD AND I HAVE A BF OF 3 YEARS. It's NOT true that I don't love. I love SO intensely I'm scared to be away from him. YES it's challenging. BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE IF YOU consistently talk

[@jjjonse]

Sorry, but that is not love.

[@exovit6348]

@@jjjonse you dont get to tell me how I feel love. I love him with all my heart. Love is an emotion and I am just as capable of feeling it. Youre just ignorant to BPD

[@mandyjames8211]

@@exovit6348 I find the intensity hard to be around :(

[@exovit6348]

@@mandyjames8211 thats ok. He ghosted me after 4 years being together 1 year broken up but still talking and trying to work things out. Sent a message that i wanted to move closer to him after he said we could get back together and never heard from him again. He lacked communication skills. Im aware Im too much for some. We feel such intense love we cant help but to act on it. And its okay for people to not be able to handle that. You do whats best for you

[@shaunlannary2848]

Love is a verb .It's action .Feelings can change .Love stays !

[@johnnyblaze2257]

This woman is 100% right, my soon to be ex wife was all that and then some! Not to mention she is dangerous..she got arrested twice trying to get me arrested. The second time she got arrested she tried to kill me with a butcher knife for asking if she took her medicine. 3 months after that she hit me in the face with a bottle for the most stupid reason. When she gets mad she has rage she cant control and is strong AF. She perused me through a long distance relationship,then she asked me to marry her. She was younger than me and gorgeous and in the beginning sex was awesome! But eventually the verbal/mental and emotional abuse was relentless and everyday. She dissappeared on me all the time for 2- 3 months at a time. She would meet someone off the street and have sex with them the same day. She would go from acting juvenile and naive AF when she's done something wrong to big Wilma and knows all and i am beneath her, she was always the victim and convinced everyone i know and she knows that i am abusive. I walked on eggshells the whole time not to set her off (never worked). She cant tell the truth to save her life about anything she lies like a rug. She would do everything that she spent hours of interrogating and accusing me of doing. She constantly needed to be reassured that she was my only girl and after a day of showing her ass (flipping out for no reason) so to speak she would be hysterical about me not leaving her and on her knees hugging my leg sobbing, blocking the door. This was just the short version..there's alot more dynamics to it, by the time she got done with me my life was in shambles and i didnt know who i was anymore. She turned everyone i know against me by the usual acting naive AF because there is a age gap between us. I treated this woman like a princess at all times even when she doled out her incredible abuse on me. Even when i hated her i still loved her..A BDP is a pro at convincing people and you that they or you are the problem. They are like the Head Vampire..STAY DAFUK AWAY FROM A BDP/Narcissist!!! No matter how much they got you in love with them (and they are powerful) they are the devil himself! Not kidding! Do whatever it is to keep your mind preoccupied until time heals the wounds. To get even, the only way is to act like your life is wonderful AF, if you run into them act happy like " Hi, how you been doin and smile, then say you gotta go your in a rush and keep it movin, even if they are with their new victim! You have to act the opposite of what they smeared on you about to everyone. And acting like they were your platonic neighbor to them that you just ran into and saying hi in passing, that drives them crazy AF!, they want you to be miserable, crushed and emotional. Mirror their discard how you never exsisted to them. When that crazy AF, sexy bitch i married would try to talk me to begin hoovering i would tell her calmly with little emotion "Im too good for you, the only reason why i was even was with someone like you was you caught me at a low time in my life and i was distracted".. Then i would smile gently and walk away maintaining a Alpha Male frame. I forgot to mention that i got into me and am allll about me! Perusing a extra degree in education, working out religiously, im lucky enough to look young AF for my age even though im still considered young, everytime i leave my house i am well groomed, wearing the best cologne's, dressed to kill with the best, new, crisp clothes! That is my new hobby, treating myself golden! Loving me again before i can find and love the "RIGHT" woman.

[@chelsjeancjs6259]

Johnny Blaze or you could have told her you think she has a problem and helped her :( hopefully you married because you truly love her. And if she’s a true BPD she is probably unaware of the problem. BPD is caused by trauma that occurred in childhood that caused them unaware to form proper coping mechanisms. That’s why you see at a trigger moment; you leaving, she panicked in rage or complete and utter distress. Similar to a temper tantrum a kid would throw. By your last shit you said to her of how you’re too good and she caught you at a low spot.. you are re-iterating everything she already thought to me true of herself. Her lack of self worth at her core is the issue and by saying that you are feeding it more causing problem another BPD episode.. so I hope you feel good about actually trying to make her feel bad about herself. Regardless how bad the situation got, you could have got her into a mental hospital or simply left without saying a word. Mean words are never the answer.

[@PiotrWasilewicz]

Yesss

[@dejablu]

pretty fucked up when you make us the monster.. when we've lived with monsters our whole existence

[@GMarieBehindTheMask]

Exactly

[@johnneemstra6140]

You are monsters.....nothing less nothing more ....... end of story !!!!

[@celticgibson]

Your behaviours make you monsters. Face the truth and stay away from others until you learn to get a grip with your illness.

[@sarahortiz67]

celticgibson You seem to have some type of vendetta against us. People like myself and others with borderline personality disorder don't mean to get angry fast, cry a lot or seem like we're being manipulative. We just tend to be more emotional then regular people. Any emotion we feel, we feel it with more intensity then others with no kind of disorder which in turn makes it seem like we're overreacting to every situation. In our minds we're not doing anything wrong but expressing ourselves. This Ashley chick doesn't know what she's talking about because not all of us are liars and cheaters. I just found out that I have bpd about a month ago and mind you Im 31 years old. The biggest issue that bpd's have is getting misdiagnosed with having depression, bipolar disorder, severe depression or both which I have been through. It's taken years to figure it out what's wrong with me and that reason is because healthcare is too expensive and there's a very low percentage of people that have bpd and most insurance companies won't cover bpd. Being that depression and bipolar disorder are most common thats what we get slapped with when thats not what's wrong with us. Believe me if it were an easy fix I'm sure just about all of us would get that quick fix but there's not. Borderlines have an almost 100% suicide rate if we don't get the help needed. Now if we do get the help we need, it would have to be with someone that is DBT licensed and there is a 0% relapse of BPD and we can live normal lives, have babies, get married and be successful. With DBT we go through a series of strategies such as mindfulness and awareness to help us not have any outbursts of emotions. Sorry for what is was you went through. I'm lucky to be with a man that is by my side through this and is having an understanding mind. I don't want him to stop being himself because it helps me to learn the differences between when he's joking and when he's serious.

[@reve4574]

yes--and you became a monster as well. Just run like hell.

[@risingeagle6332]

This is so spot on. Wow!!!!!! Well...I’m one of those long timers that tied into a woman in distress. It worked and I got ensnared in the spiders tapestry. She also a narcissist. Now I understand why it was so tough to diagnose my relational situation. Everything I did has been wrong in her eyes and I was the abusive one, no matter what. I totally loss myself. Wow! I’m out finally. Just have to figure out how to heal now. I’m doing the work now. Thanks!!!!! Sobering and hard hitting. Solid and true. Thanks for creating this video.

[@buddy22801012]

Absolutely the best explanation I’ve ever listened to regarding this topic. 100% accurate. When Ashley gave statistics 1 in 4 males or 1 in 3 females. I instantly looked at the likes in comparison to the dislikes. Once again spot on!

[@Maltipoobear]

Wow! so much misinformation and overgeneralization here I couldn't get past the first 10 minutes

[@cristineamie2815]

deny deny deny!

[@tylermassage6220]

Missy PooBear That is too bad. This video has helped many, many people understand what is going on in their relationships. Yes, things are dumbed down, but Ashley Burgess presents and absolutely fantastic view of what it is like to be in a relationship with a borderline, especially to a person who has no idea that that is what’s going on.

[@RoryKMusic]

while a lot of it is generalizations, she's 100% spot on, only thing I disagree with is that the codependency always has to do with a lack of love/attention from parents, as mine were very loving and caring & I definitely have codependent tendencies

[@rachealdyess1951]

The more i listen the more i realize im not worth loving, so much pain is all i cause. Im a bpd and going thru a break up and now i know i just need to stay away from other people.

[@chatnoir1579]

Please don't let this woman make you feel like a monster. She exaggerates a lot of BPD symptoms. I know it's hard to not let it get to you, but please just know that you're not a monster, and there is hope.

[@jaredscott760]

If youre untreated..yes you do need to stay away from other people. Regardless of intent..the end is always the same...your behavior ruins other people. Even to the point of perfectly healthy people getting ptsd, suicide, having to go to therapy.

[@DayaTom]

In 11 months I can count the number of times he complemented me on half a hand. Projected onto me that maybe I'm BPD cause I've had an NPD ex. He had one too.. Disappeared when we had plans and then popped up the next day as if nothing happened. When I confronted him, he had to create a fight, to show me that I cannot have boundaries... WOW I thought this was my soulmate, but it seems like a BPD through and through for so many reasons!

[@jameshighfill4432]

8 years and my body of left. Not one apology for anything she has done, always my fault or others and she was a victim. It rips my heart out. Today, our mutual friends are calling me and all asking me to never go back, never deal with her again.

[@DayaTom]

@@jameshighfill4432 Stay strong, James, the sobering moment will come! We all make mistakes but the way they leave you says it all..

[@AM1465]

One of the most accurate descriptions of what you'll experience being in a relationship with a borderline. Shame I didn't hear it five years ago.

[@xw6475]

Omg you are sooo resourceful!! You are awesome, my recently breakup with my ex also has BPD and he is a narcissstic. You are SOOOO right about everything you said 👍👍 I almost lost my sanity and he destoryed my self esteem and confidence. what he did was all about constantly putting down, CONTROLLING, NEGATIVE, rage rage rage... EXTREMELY Jealous, he even asked me to eliminate some people on my phone and blocked them he was so fucked up. All these unreal movie he created in his own head about me with other guys never even exist i have no clue how he made this up, he can spend whole day being lazy on the coach watching Netflix all day, twisted the words using against me, lying etc. So i broke up with him because i was so emotion and physically drained, sad for no reason, i was devastated. And yes, the sex was soooo great but the relationship is the worst ever. Thank you for making this!!!

[@antonioortega2588]

My ex too just stayed on the couch all day on her phone playing games. And had I not been stronger I wouldn't have been able to call her on her stuff and get out. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@christinehaigh9807]

That is bang on, Ashley! These are deal breakers!

[@christinehaigh9807]

Instant relationship...!00% accuracy!

[@andreaparker801]

I feel like I have intense empathy but its crippling to feel it all and imagine how people are feeling and what they're thinking, so I ignore it and it becomes worse

[@ghostcircuitry]

This is so spot on it’s insane. I’m in the process of trying to rip myself out of a long distance relationship with a girl with BPD. What a freaking nightmare.

[@222RL]

Ashley is so on point with a lot of things, like identical to how I feel/felt. My ex is Borderline with Avoidant Personality, the only thing is sometimes I think she doesn't realize some of the things she says or does but other times I know she's aware. It is an emotional rollercoaster, so much so I had lost control of myself and had a breakdown. It is a blender you are in and I have lost myself, now slowly trying to re-discover who I am. This is really helping me and making me feel like I wasn't the crazy one even though I still feel like I am.

[@InspirationsDoor]

She is confusing boarderline with narcissist. Boarderlines have strong emotions. They love stronger than others. Narcissists don't feel love at all.

[@MrJeepsterman]

no she isn't. They are very similar, yet distinct at the same time

[@Stoney-Jacksman]

hahahahhah 'they love stronger than others' ..yes if love is treating people so poisonously until they are broken. Go find treatment you fucks instead of googling videos about borderline for victims of your fucked upness. Go do something and do NOT start a reltionship until you are deemed safe! but you wont do that..instead you will do everythinggggg BUT find treatment.

[@borhan181818]

You guys are Monsters

[@chatnoir1579]

Don't mind these guys. They obviously don't understand the difference between a Borderline and a Narcissist. Borderlines feel immense amounts of love and empathy while a Narcissist feels both very minimally. How hard is it to understand that?

[@shaunlannary2848]

both are incapable of love due to having not individuated in childhood .False self

[@MarkTWalsh14]

Wow, I was in a relationship with one of those BPD's. Never ever experienced so much anxiety in my life. Soul sucking and life sucking. Glad I got out. It was a life long lesson. I can spot them a mile away now. Never again.

[@gypsy-nr9zd]

joe smith lol

[@Pascal270]

They are walking dead corps.

[@taylorbertone4932]

Borderline gotcha;)

[@erino7583]

Yea and they can probably spot your bad attitude a mile away too lol