India's TOP Divorce Lawyer On Indian Marriages, Cheating & Dowry - Vandana Shah | FO 76 Raj Shamani

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In this episode of Figuring Out Podcast we are in Conversation with Advocate Vandana Shah. Vandana is famous and among the top female divorce lawyers based out of Mumbai and Pune . She is also an author, columnist​ and Social Entrepreneur on whom the BBC has made a documentary ‘Invisible Women of India’ which was broadcast worldwide on International Women’s Day. She is also the author of the bestseller ‘Ex Files’, The Story of my divorce-published by Penguin.
After being thrown out of her marital home with just the clothes on her back and Rs 750 in the bank, Vandana rebuilt her world and founded the first support group in India to help people going through a divorce, 360 Degrees Back to Life. She has since come full circle from being a litigant to being a divorce lawyer and practices at the family court in Mumbai.
Vandana has been awarded best lawyer in India and has been handling various high profile cases. She practices extensively in the family court where she works to defend those who come to seek justice in the court. She does not believe that money is the key that drives a lawyer to perform well but passion for truth is.
In this episode we have discussed everything related to relationships, marriages and divorces.
Check out her website: vandanashah.com/
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Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction
00:48 - Divorce lawyers are the most hated person?
02:38 - Most uncomfortable experience
04:38 - Top 5 reasons of Divorce
09:25 - Domestic Violence in India
10:49 - Why don't women take action against violence?
16:38 - Why marriages don’t work?
19:38 - Why do marriages work?
23:21 - Craziest Divorce Story
29:19 - Men getting abused
30:31 - Law for men in India
37:10 - Why is Prenup not legal in India?
38:13 - Unsaid Dowry in India
44:25 - How can young Indians stop dowry culture?
46:30 - What to do if you love someone and your family don’t agree?
49:05 - Is sexual compatibility a reason for divorce?
52:50 - Your take on movie Thappad
56:33 - Movie Kabir Singh
58:38 - Invisible women of India
59:42 - Divorce procedure in India
1:12:06 - Interim maintenance in Divorce
1:18:50 - How to fasten the Divorce procedure?
1:20:25 - How Bollywood Divorce is different?
1:24:43 - How to spice up your marriage?
1:28:26 - Book on Divorce
1:32:05 - Can men refuse to give money in divorce?
1:36:09 - conclusion
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About Raj Shamani
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[@rajshamani]

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[@rajupatnaik7776]

Why is Vandana Shah, supposedly a Lawyer, wearing that Nautanki dress that Celebrities usually wear? And why is she wearing a Frock? OMG! That's ridiculous! A मोटी wearing a Frock looks like a Cartoon! 🤣

[@rajupatnaik7776]

There is nothing wrong with Dowry custom itself. Problem arises when it becomes kind of an “extortion” by the Boy’s family from the Girl’s family. This “extortion” has criminisalised the normal custom of Marriage resulting in horrific crimes. Point I am trying to make is that ladies (even if unemployed) should also contribute financially to the running of the marital home. How much her contribution is, is better left to the parties concerned and also depends on the financial status of the Girl’s family. The logic behind this is simple: When any 2 people live together under the same roof, both should contribute financially for the running of the House. If one of them deliberately contributes little it will surely result in Bad Blood (unless the other fellow doesn’t mind)! Simple.

[@rajupatnaik7776]

Why is Vandana so shy 1:26:48 of suggesting Sexual Exploration between couples? She said, "because it's a family show." Such Prudishness is totally Out-dated and Unnecessary! Strangely, in society there is NO such "prudishness" when it comes to showing or talking of gory Violence - but when it comes to Sexual matters, "it's a Family show"?????? What an Unnatural mentality?

[@Sonali28093]

Why you taking too much water

[@GirishV-bf9cy]

@@rajupatnaik7776 You can gauge her mind when she calls the spa woman the guy has relationship with a downmarket with her name “Devi” stressing it multiple times. Her hatred against Hinduism is so evident. Her upbringing from her downmarket parents may be the reason.

[@sujalrawat669]

*I think I can tell u the truth.. I had a love marriage, with a girl whom I was in living relationship for 1 year. When her parents got to know they pressurized me for immediate marriage. Which I thought fairly justified. But after few months of marriage she started abusing and torturing my mother who was in bed rest due to paralysis (left). Coz she felt disgusting touching her or her clothes and food etc. First time in my life i saw my dad crying and begging her that"beti itna chilla ke mat gaali do, neighbors ke saamne humari bahut izzat utr rahe h roz roz. I took her to noida from hometown, thought she need nuclear family coz many times she demanded to shift in delhi. Here torture on me started. Now she has filed divorced and domestic violence Against me and my mom, dad, my sister and on 15 year old my nephew. Police used to come every other day and took my dad and my sister's husband in police station. Life became hell. THIS IS ACTUAL LAW IN OUR COUNTRY. A revengeful wife can destroy Men and his family*

[@Harwindersingh6007]

sad to hear that, may god bless you bro & family.

[@sujalrawat669]

God has already left this place dear.. Now it's this system and feminists who run this country.

[@renukamane2117]

Hii Suraj, I am very sorry to to hear to that and that's the only reason I'm still single and afraid to get married 🥺🥺🥺

[@rudhisundar]

Take the Divorce, do not pay her, tell her abuse to your parents to the court. Have a great lawyer, my blessings! It is time to remarry to an angel!

[@sujalrawat669]

@@rudhisundar haha, in which world you are living my dear, from police station, woman cell to court, everybody is waiting to screw you and they don't leave a single opportunity to rob you. And wife is CEO of all this so called raasleela.

[@s.r301]

1. Don't take or pay dowry 2. Settle in your career before you marry 3. Don't live with in-laws 4. Don't let relatives interfere in your relationship 5. Respect and trust each other. If you can't, you shouldn't have married this person in the first place 6. If the relationship is not working for you, please be decent and part amicably, rather than staging a huge drama 7. Earn your own money. Don't feel entitled to anything you didn't earn 8. Plan and manage your own life. Don't expect help.

[@s.r301]

@@NarendraBhusan-ias see #7

[@archanabhatkamat3719]

Dreams

[@amitpaul7940]

8. Don't marry at all 😂

[@s.r301]

@@amitpaul7940 Wouldn't that be nice? But no, relatives and neighbors will harass you until the end of time 😂

[@lifetimelearner]

I am staying with my parents and looking after them at old age . Don’t give a fuck to these crazy people

[@ss-db8ie]

After being married for 13 yrs, here is what i understand. People change with time and age. We are not the same person that we were in our twenties, i know i am not the same. My tastes, my likes, my preferences have all changed over a decades time. So if that is going to be a reason for someone to get divorced, then sorry, no marriage will work. We will have differences and plenty of them, have to work our way. Its a lot of hard work but it is going to be the same for every marriage, first, second or more. Unless you have some real red flags such as violence, abuse, exploitation, adultery etc, i think every marriage can be worked upon.

[@hafzah1996]

I agree💯

[@keerthiravikumar7593]

i agree too

[@ashsworld8362]

100%

[@preranapatel9160]

Wt beautiful reply🙏 appreciated✨

[@bobbybannerjee5156]

A lot of hard work? Are you in love or preparing for the Olympics?

[@kamalab.r4614]

I loved the statement " relatives are like a death snail for your marriage" . So true.

[@globalcitizen1856]

In most cases it is the immediate relatives like sisters & mothers!

[@anitagoenka6816]

That might be true to some extent, but these days all are educated and everyone like to make good relations with each others.

[@ashwinip8868]

*death's knell, not death snail. "Death knell" in olden times was a bell ring to announce someone's death. Now it's a metaphor for something that causes heavy damage

[@justhangingaround804]

When my dad passed away 2 years ago, my mum, a retd. government officer, chose to not wear bindi and any colored sarees just because she was scared of the relatives more than her own choice. I had to put my foot down to wear a bindi, she started with a small black bindi, now she has gone to wear a decent size bindi.. she looks even more beautiful now and makes me happy which makes her happy. Now she is starting to buy some bright sarees which she wears only in Bangalore with me where we live but none of our relatives. It's a start ..baby steps. She looks lovely as ever on color.

[@rohitmehta1216]

Just saying she is disrespecting your father's soul. She should be spiritual in her way of life.

[@bhagyalakshmi6143]

Such a good son you are! U did absolutely correct.

[@bhagyalakshmi6143]

​@@rohitmehta1216how she is disrespectful bro. Wearing a bindi and colourful dress is wrong in any way. You mean after husband's death women should not do anything she likes, what do you think of women, we don't have any wishes likes dislikes, treat us like humans we can hav our basic rights

[@sakshimalik7356]

What about the widower ,does a man start wearing pastel colour clothes after her wife dies.Majority of men are likely to remarry that to in a shorter period of time after their wife dies.But a woman is disrespecting a man’s soul if she wears bright colours saree.I wonder when really like to teach how a women should behave ,would he be ready to follow the same .

[@AasthaDahiya-gh5mo]

@@rohitmehta1216 ugh small male ego

[@aarvind3901]

My father in law looked at my mark lists and asked why I didn’t pursue medicine?I replied that was my dream but couldn’t crack entrance exam threshold . So I studied Law. I was 24 year old law graduate in 1996. He asked me immediately , If I can get enrolled in medical school now he shall fund. Such a wonderful person he was. I continued in my profession and got into a better place though, even after 27 years it is etched in my heart

[@abhaysoni926]

So are you currently practising law or something other

[@aarvind3901]

@@abhaysoni926 I am a corporate lawyer , I am good at it

[@desicat3563]

You are very fortunate to get such father -in- law.

[@aarvind3901]

@@desicat3563 sadly we lost him in 2012 Mother in law is there but she is a typical saas , so not so fortunate in that way

[@HeartistMurali]

why wonderful? The man is obsessed with having a doctor son-in-law. He didn't consider law to be on par with medicine. You couldn't crack entrance. He was aware that it was not because of lack of funds. But he still wanted you to pursue medicine. That means he was just enamoured with medicine and that's very typical of indians😁.

[@anitamaithel]

We have had at least 6 marriages in our family with zero demands. Family sat down to discuss how expenses can be reduced for both.

[@ushmitaaggarwal]

Baniya??

[@kudai9557]

There is a movie The Great Indian Kitchen and it deserves to be discussed as well. The movie gives the most realistic indian household reality

[@agrawal_shailly]

Correct 💯, it's the reality of mostly Indian households. Men want women for their needs , earn money & give all, bestow every single authority to them 🤑 live for them, should leave brains outside their house 🏠.

[@asp11177]

One of the best films made !!

[@RONIT848]

@@agrawal_shailly MAN WANT LOVE WOMAN WANT MONEY

[@shad6519]

After 30 years of my marriage, my husband dumped me and I have no future security and income support because I was only a housewife and now at my age 57 years to try to earn my own living. Thanks 🙏

[@abczuchini3757]

Stay strong. Same with us. My father found a younger thing and left us

[@suresh-dv7he]

The law is meant to protect women like you but instead law is used by spoiled women to destroy life of good honest men. The question is why law has failed to protect you?

[@sangeetapatel296]

You ought to have earned your own money

[@shad6519]

@@sangeetapatel296 NO I AM UNWELL AND I HAVE NOT WORKED. I AM GETTING VERY LITTLE DISABILITY PENSION WHICH IS NOT SUFFICIENT. I don’t have a House of my own to live. Thanks 🙏

[@shad6519]

@@grillsalad yes I have 32 years old only daughter, she has one daughter 19 months old and she is trying to separate from her husband and she has no financial security or she has never helped me financially and she will never help me either. She has no understanding of what grief I am going through. Thanks 🙏

[@Tooth2Soul]

Loved the whole podcast, but i wished Raj could have asked more questions based on lower and middle class divorces, their scenarios of troubled marriage , rather than speaking just about divorces in extremely rich families.These all could have helped majority of people to relate in India.

[@desicat3563]

In middle class woman is a loser. She turns into an unpaid cook, cleaner , housekeeper, over burdened, her needs totally neglected, away from her family & city, she is bullied. And if she is earning, even her money is totally controlled. And tremendous pressure from her parents as well to keep the marriage working. And in case , there is separation, the ex husband quickly get married but the woman mostly is not able to find a good partner.

[@yourblackstar19]

I think it affects middle class women the most. The lower and richer women don’t care much about society either. Like my maid, she left her abusive husband in Bengal and is living with someone else in Delhi 😅. Her husband was a drunk and would beat her up.. she was married to him when she was a teenager. She says her parents died young so she was married off by her bhabhis at a young age who didn’t want to keep her. Now in her 30s she says she is living independently and doesn’t miss anyone - both her husband and son are abusive alcoholics. 😅 Also - legally, she didn’t get a divorce or remarry because she doesn’t need to.

[@BeingRashmi43]

Middle class logo ko only adjust karna hai simple 😅😅 Men or women doesn't matter

[@hey_you.]

​@@desicat3563 exactly 💯💯

[@ayushimishra1912]

True

[@sanjanakomateswar5216]

Dear Ms. Vandana, Just wanted to drop a quick note to say thanks for teaming up with Raj Shamani on the podcast. Your thoughts on successful marriages and the real talk about divorces were spot on. As a 21-year-old, it's eye-opening stuff and makes me more aware of the consequences of a bad marriage, even if you've done nothing wrong. Appreciate the honesty and insights - it's invaluable! Really looking forward to hear from from you through your books and other works. Cheers, Sanjana

[@shizasallyourinonechannel1131]

❤q

[@shizasallyourinonechannel1131]

😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@CuriousSeeker09]

I agree with no dowry. But how is alimony fine then. Alimony is reverse dowry. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out why exchabge money.

[@khushisahoo7823]

I can really relate to her words. When my mom got divorced after her 1st marriage i was 5 years old. she ran away with me when my biological father tried to kill both of us because of dowry and I when I took birth he was accepting a son. She suffered a lot but her own family was not accepting her so she decided to leave her parents house and search her own identity. She was not so well educated so she was unable to get a good job but she worked hard and worked a furniture showroom to earn money. It took years but now we are a happy family

[@rationalsamrat3247]

Sorrry for being a sceptic , did you verify all the things that your father did . Many women lie to alienate the child from father . Im not calling your mom a liar but im just saying you to verify .

[@khushisahoo7823]

@@rationalsamrat3247 i don't need to verify her i can remember a lot of things from my childhood and more than that I met my biological father few years back he himself expected that he doesn't want me. He is having an affair with his late elder brother's wife and i was a burden for him and he excepted that he was not happy with my birth and it was a mutual divorce just because my mother's family didn't want a police case in it and as he was somehow connected to my elder masi's family so to save her from her in-laws my mom didn't put a case on him.

[@rationalsamrat3247]

@@khushisahoo7823 you know the full picture most cases childrens never know

[@khushisahoo7823]

@@rationalsamrat3247 janti hu that's why I love my mom and believe her strength

[@tariqrumana6890]

​@@rationalsamrat3247now your just being denial

[@beingbeautiful9041]

It's better to be alone rather than be lonely in your marriage. I have been in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and it takes great mental strength to come out of this.

[@globalcitizen1856]

This applies more to men. Loneliness is what makes them to go other women for solace. While we talk negatively about men, the women involved in those relationships are never bad-mouthed!

[@vikgaming3517]

i loved her but she wanted a divorce... SO she got it.. She is happily married now and i am alone.. LMAO

[@suma8406]

yeah it is better to get pounding by abdul and become a shraddha

[@nishthagupta1357]

Yes

[@debodatta7398]

First off this only in North India and for uncultured North Indians on top of that, second if She's India's top divorce lawyer she must be pretty out of work considering less than 1% of Hindu Indian marriages end in divorce. I guess maybe she only works for Christians and Muslims.

[@Ariful-Islam-Sohag]

This is an amazing conversation. I have got so many insights about the dark side of marriage and the positive side of marriage. The data she provided has only come from that much experience in this field.

[@nikitabane7847]

So, just for the ones who aren't clear with Thapad's plot. It actually explores the most normalized way of abuse i.e. domination, ridiculing, and manipulating one so much that it affects them negatively affects their psychological health. And I think people always talk about verbal abuse from an assault POV and this movie was an eye opener in those terms.

[@randomnessATT]

Thappad was actually a great movie for these reasons. I don't think it treated domestic abuse in a flippant manner at all. She didn't file for divorce for a while. She waited for her husband and family to realise what her husband did while she was also processing it (in shock). Once she realised that the apology (a true apology) was not coming and that almost everyone around her was normalising this behaviour and asking her to move on, it shows her mental struggle to see that if she moves on, she is also normalising this and this can become a gateway to an even more abusive life. She makes herself a priority and gets out of the marriage before it becomes worse. One part that could have been better was that they could have tried to salvage the marriage but I also like that they didn't do that because of the guy's personality - he was so flippant about the abuse. This shows how the "modern people", who think they are so progressive are still unwilling to punish the man and that's why the woman stands for herself.

[@pracheerasal]

Yeah... in my opinion she is stupid tbvh why someone should go in pain for years? In thappad she took stand on his first action which in my opinion was correct like how can he? Its like she is contradicting her own statement about being a feminist

[@sandhyashreep]

I got to experience this from my mother in law mostly and my husband is an enabler

[@dr.jayshreevishwakarma4145]

@@randomnessATTexactly I am thinking the same this movie is not about slap it’s about they didn’t even realise that man is wrong

[@sagardas5419]

Many laws that benefits only women are wrong the same goes for men case also dowry is wrong but remember alimony in divorces and asking for a government job groom by brides parents are also wrong

[@poojagolani6181]

I think Thappad was a great movie wherein after getting physically abused, the husband never said sorry or realized he was guilty about what he did. Not taking responsibility for his actions and trying to manipulate her into getting back and then calling his wife crazy for a full custody of his unborn child was great context for calling it quits. Also, for the wife, not being heard and living with a manchild until she realized was projected very well in the movie. Just sharing my views hear. No hatred!😄

[@garimasharma1141]

Thats how we fall, man says sorry and keep doing his shit or start other types of abuse like becoming distant, breadcrumbing, being manipulative then another 4,5 years waste and life goes on.I sm glad he didnt say sorry. That is why it was easy for a woman to move on.

[@kefi5384]

I absolutely agree with you. I am with Ms. Shah for the most part, however I disagree with her on the thappad bit. The one slap is the red flag indicative of the fact that the man has a violent streak. And its a shame that she shared examples of women who endured extreme abuse and then they retaliated. Why must we be ok with that as in idea? thats an exact contrast to the modern world shes referring to.

[@srinidhikarthikbs981]

Agree with everything you said except for the manchild part. There is no evidence in the movie to indicate that husband is a manchild.

[@sulagnasamanta4125]

Was just looking for this comment. Completely agreed. Even while Tapsee was pregnant, the guy wanted to take away the child as well and wanted to make a deal.. And Tapsee on the other hand made no demands just wanted a mutual peaceful divorce. And the guy was absolutely absolutely manipulative.. But ya, according to this podcast it seems like, they just forgot everything and every content of the film and decided to normalise a little bit of hit in marriage.. one thappad is fine. And the girl just overreacted. :) of course man.. 🙃 ek hi toh thappad mara tha, sabke samne.. Kya hai.. Bhul jaati.. Seh leti.. Adjust kar leti.. I swear the whole Podcast became meaningless and vague to me when they could justify one hit and on the other hand discussing dos and don't, rights and wrongs about marriages. Hilarious!!xD

[@nirupamasharma4389]

Exactly!! I think they havent watched the movie. Because man didn't apologise in the movie, and the guy here is saying he was apologetic. May be the movie was not made with some depth. It was not shown that why tapsee became so much different with one thappad. But i think the reason is simple. She was raised respectfully by her parents, and disrespect was an absolute deal breaker for her - which didn't came up before in marriage for her because it was an unsaid expectation from her side. I think both of them have not watched the movie.

[@rouhiadvani]

If you are financially stable ,worst thing you can do with your child is to keep him/her in toxic home ,i am a 26 year old but there are lots of marks on my mind that can never be deleted and give back my peace that i deserved my whole life

[@gurpreetdhillon1712]

True yar and even more worse when financially unstable with domestic violence 😓

[@rouhiadvani]

@@gurpreetdhillon1712 yes

[@sujalrawat669]

I m lucky enough that i dont have child from her. Else it wud be more disaster.

[@rouhiadvani]

@@sujalrawat669 yes no child deserves trauma

[@pocak2875]

Right

[@sarbjeetchawla9]

I am in Australia and here is a concept called no fault divorce which means any partner can say i just cannot live with my partner ( no questions asked ) court grant divorce in few months. thats it. TATA BYE BYE

[@rajatmond]

What about maintenance?

[@ankitaroy9266]

Well that can be misused by so many people

[@minibabita2285]

Whaat😮

[@Jazzmyworld2024]

Absolutely great podcast. Thank you for bringing in the most critical topic to the masses

[@triggermet]

Abuse is unpardonable whether the victim is man or woman

[@yami6499]

LOL good luck trying to find justice in case u r a man😂😂😂...indian laws particularly hindu marriage laws arre most absurdly gender biased laws than anywhere else in world.

[@rahulv8882]

Physical abuse is unpardonable, but mental abuse by a wife is her birth right. Her Mom is mom, Guy's mom's always a witch. Her dad is God, Guy's dad is Devil. This is the law of land. LOL

[@CharuMitraJoshi]

Absolutely True

[@khusshkraft]

I liked the part she said, bad-mouthing your partner is an absolute No. Wow, I think this is so meaningful. Stop being a victim and talk to your partner and move.

[@lakshyavarshney9942]

Depends, they can be horrible ppl too

[@desicat3563]

I know of one where the man was not only abusive, violent but turned out to be a paedophile.And he wears a mask of respectability. So it depends on case to case.

[@shinigamiryuk2907]

​@@lakshyavarshney9942 if they're horrible and you react in the same way then there will be two horrible persons remaining.

[@shinigamiryuk2907]

​@Sanchana Mohankumar ​​ First try explaining and if you fail just declare your view and tell strictly that you will not compromise on that view. Give some concessions for them in one of their views in which you can't understand or agree. Mutual concessions should solve the problem. Ofcourse i don't know your situation but try is all i can say. But bad mouthing is never the answer.

[@lakshyavarshney9942]

@@shinigamiryuk2907 no , what if they were horribly abusive etc ppl?

[@aditibansal8039]

HAHAH I had so much fun! she was being so practical and honest, yet made everything sound DO-ABLE! Loved the show!!

[@mrinalinikalyani2621]

wow, this was the most insight full podcast i have heard. thank you to the team and vandana shah ji ofcourse.

[@TheCoolpar]

One of the reasons people don’t cheat or make marriages work is the value system they have. Upbringing plays a big part. It is not shame not fear just simple value system.

[@vishsagi2011]

This is the best comment I have read on KZbin today. Yes a good value system is the foundation of a successful marriage. It has to be from both sides though. Just one of them in a marriage with values isn’t enough.

[@TheCoolpar]

@@vishsagi2011 thanks for kind words, I agree it has to be from both sides. Otherwise one gets being abused. Sadly the values are scarce these days. Now I understand why in previous days people used to enquire about the family rather than the boy or girl itself.

[@harshitajaiswal5720]

so true, these intangibles are not getting recognised

[@sujatachowdhury7050]

I completely agree to your point

[@vidyaasvideos]

no way, I have met very intelligent men, feminist's, very good upbringing, belongs to very good families, but cheats on his wife for his needs, they say that especially in the upper class societies, political families, men take pride in cheating on their wives with more than a hundred women, it's a competition among men. especially in Royalty of this country. now will you say the upbringing in Royal families is bad? let's stop this hypocrisy of Indian culture and blah blah!

[@aryamahima3]

“Ladke log aise hi hote hain” that’s what I heard from my mother and sister every time I tell them that my husband doesn’t touch a single household, I too work , my education is like him (Ph.D. Physics), but my husband expects from me to do all household.

[@dm-hn2wt]

When did u get married sis?

[@anushasaxena8073]

maybe she could if he did some housework so she could work more@thezoldics7648

[@sachinkapse110]

Most of you don't help them in expenditures,don't ask for help in chores...it doesn't go single way..

[@sportstours24]

Hire a maid. Don't do any household work if you are a working woman.

[@woldmalona2793]

​@@sportstours24IF SHE'S EARNING LESS.. SHE MUST WORK

[@mandeepghotra9350]

Love this lady! She has completely acknowledged so many issues, most women can relate to this. We need more ladies like her to speak up.

[@MantuS-kl5rr]

Acknowledge is not solution , staying out of marriage is solution 😂

[@MR.K.P.-mi4uh]

Exactly 💯 ​@@MantuS-kl5rr

[@sagardas5419]

Many laws that benefits only women are wrong the same goes for men case also dowry is wrong but remember alimony in divorces and asking for a government job groom by brides parents are also wrong

[@kk9896]

Such an important podcast for all women! Very informative. Thank you!

[@RI-wh3hz]

This is lot related to me. I lost everything including house and kids in divorce but came out strong and independent. I tried twice to make my marriage work but he was as****. He used me to come to this country. Lots of lies and physical and mental abuse. Every time police comes he tells I am mentally unstable and he is trying to calm me down. He had inferiority complex that he came from poor and uncultured family. He cannot stand my well educated respected family in society. He goes around and tell every one I am bad. I am living myself from last 40 years. I am well settled financially and mentally. I worked for global biomedical company at very good position and just retired. I have no one to push me around. I am happiest person on earth. Jay Shree Krishna 🙏

[@KPKomal]

Inspiring

[@IamSpidey007]

I don't understand why women or men complain about their partners to be wrong 100% all the time. They see themselves 100% perfect. Why? If you're that much of worth like a Kohinoor diamond who wants to leave you fight with you or unhappy being with you? There must be the person with you expecting from you. You're not understanding your partner needs and just painting everyone same and following the same brainless agenda of society. Make yourself worthy and if you think you're that much worthy why anyone wants to leave you?? Think about it.

[@pranitagupta7694]

​@@IamSpidey007it can be possible that one of them is not 100% on fault but maybe 85%? Other person's fault may just be to get angry and need more

[@mee4147]

none of your business . go write these comments on some men who say everyhing is the wife's fault. @@IamSpidey007

[@user-me6po9zy7t]

me and my husband decided before marriage that we don’t want these stupid marriage.. My hubby is eldest kid in his family .. we said we will do court marriage & not want a single penny from both the families.. we both are working and we spend our salary buying new clothes which wear after marriage.. kehna bahut asaan hota hai par koi waise shaadi nahi karta jaise humne ki..

[@SreejaNairTonk]

A very well spoken, intelligent and compassionate woman and the questions were honest and forthright. They present a grim picture for those who are seeking a contested divorce in India, which is the reality. But they're talking about the super rich, the case for poor/middle class may be quite different.

[@shubhendumahapatra1532]

What they missed is what all a guy should do for a divorce? She shared the girl side but missed the guy side.

[@samindian4987]

Chalo koi toh mard mila comment section mein. Someone who uses his brains well & knows that this complete podcast is giving a stinking feminist vibe. 80% of guys commenting are yet to mature to realize this propaganda of feminists. By the time they will realize this it will be too late 😕

[@shivapower9165]

@@samindian4987 females k bare me jyada der discuss karne se feminist nhi hojate? Vo law k point of view se boli hai, to ap samj jayye, isliye best lawyer boli hai, mere personal exp se 3-4 lawyer change hone k bad case se nikle hai ar last lawyer hamare village se laye te , marraige ek bhut hi complex institution ho chuka hai, apko bhut saare support k jarurat hoti hai

[@sandeepkrishnan3043]

@@samindian4987 men ahs become simps brother. they are ignorant about their tru potential

[@ChappalMarungi]

​@@samindian4987 what the fuck are you talking about lol she's talking from her own experience, she has no propaganda to serve, only facts. Men like you are just living in denial that India is not like USA, and most women are still subjugated here.

[@ayushighosh20]

The same reason, I am not getting married. Told my parents about it and they reluctantly accepted it. Lots of expections from Women. Lots. Lots . I am scared. I'll fall sick and die. No, thank you. I am educated, learning and earning well, look after myself and my parents and travel. I am mentally and physically happy. Thank you God 🙏

[@blackwhite-mt5nj]

@ayushighosh20 please don't get married I am repenting.

[@f.s3305]

I m trying to be like that

[@amogh.taneja]

all the best

[@nikitafernandes461]

@ayushighosh 20 if ur earning very well for yourself and family being independent is good god bless you

[@user-fx9kv1mw2r]

Your decision saved one guy and his family...thank you❤

[@sujathaontheweb3740]

"Pressure on women is too much, and men are just unaware that they need to ease that pressure." - We'll said, ma'am!

[@israabdul4888]

This is such a mind opening podcast, for the first time I felt like someone validated my inner voice - because all my life I have felt like a black sheep for verbalising such issues and getting a backlash from my family saying that having such a mindset will not make the marriage work. Coming from a fairly middle class family, when you hear narratives like uneducated girls settle in well, young girls

[@chetansood1178]

Hehe

[@fitnaariindia]

Very insightful conversation! But I don’t think you guys understood the underlying message in the movie Thappad. It wasn’t about a single slap. It was about a loving and dutiful wife who had kept on sacrificing little things all along to keep her husband and in laws happy. That too happily so! And that one slap she had to bear in a trivial moment with no fault of hers, made her question everything that she had been doing behind the scenes for years!! The slap was symbolical to the onset of tsunami of realisations that she might have otherwise ignored to just keep going wherever her domestic life took her. It was all that and not just a mere physical slap!

[@wowser2153]

yup . That one slap showed her how much he disrespects and thinks nothing of insulting her in front of people . Why does he not slap anyone else in the crowd

[@AnoopKumar-zi9bm]

He slaps her and not anyone else because she is not like anyone else but his wife and he felt he could slap her in that situation. If his wife caught him red handed in adultery she would have slapped and done much more to him as well although the situations are completely different. But to highlight that violence is part of human behavior although where one shows it, depends on the situation and circumstances. In the said movie the husband was completely wrong in displaying violent behavior.

[@wowser2153]

@@AnoopKumar-zi9bm what made him think it’s Okay to slap his wife ??

[@AnoopKumar-zi9bm]

@@wowser2153 Emotions and the perceptive value of the other person. If it was his boss or his father-in-law or say a policeman instead of his wife his actions would be different. While it is not acceptable to slap a wife, so is slapping one's child not acceptable, but mothers do slap (and slap hard with vengeance!) their child (which is not criticized to the same degree in popular culture, and the agenda of the movie was to popularize the narrative that wives no longer will suffer domestic violence). A policeman could slap a hawker for not paying his daily bribe. A driver could slap another driver during road rage. A govt. officer could slap a peon for not bringing him coffee! While the emotional dynamics between the persons in the above cases is not the same as a husband and wife, and violence is not legally accepted as a form of emotional outburst, human emotions do not conform to law, and burst out in different situations depending on what value one attaches to the other person and the consequences one feels he or she could face post the violent action.While it is necessary to control violent outbursts under normal circumstances, it may not be controllable under extreme provocation or similar situations. There would be no movie made where the roles are reversed and the wife slaps her husband as it does not fit the narrative the movie tries to build.

[@ankitatejran800]

Agree,, thappad was not about one slap.. it was how she was doing everything in routine and keeping herself at last in terms of priority. It was if he can slap me for his failure today.. he can do more in future. When you should take a decision is totally independent of how much is the intensity of abuse..

[@urvashigupta3610]

I got married for 5.5 months and after suffering an emotionally abusive relationship and mental torture from my husband and his family I came back to my parents house completely devastated with no confidence on my own but after I took few months of healing and started giving interviews and got the job and started earning till now it's been 1year of separation funny thing is that he never put the effort of calling or visiting me for onces. Because for him marriage all about getting physical that's it and that will never gonna change so I took the decision of divorce to leave that name sake marriage and finally move on in life as I want to have all in my relationship with someone.

[@hope_is_music277]

How old are you if you don't mind? I am a woman

[@urvashigupta3610]

@@hope_is_music277 27yr old and I got married last year

[@harshitajaiswal5720]

@@urvashigupta3610 so happy for you

[@urvashigupta3610]

@@adequateLife yes sir I'm doing that I'm working now and healing too, and process also started. Thank you for your wishes 🙏

[@urvashigupta3610]

@@harshitajaiswal5720 thank you for your support 🙏

[@rosebudsclassroom6588]

A great occasion and it brings back happy memories of childhood...❤❤❤ thank you...these vlogs break the monotony of every day life.

[@artsyllama]

Great episode ! Absolutely loved the rapport and points discussed. Can start a drinking game each time Vandana says ‘you know ‘ ! 🎉

[@kamaljitbeesla3845]

No marriage begins with the thought of divorce but sometimes things just don't work out, no matter how hard one tries. Glad that the lawyer gave complete information on how long the procedure takes and that the best is to get an amicable one if ever needed. From this, we know she is not here to advertise or get business. Great going Raj!!

[@Kathakathan11]

True

[@JHssssss]

All things aside, what the f**k is she wearing

[@justastudent4605]

True

[@DAANISH_KHAN_]

If dowry is bullshit, then why alimony is not. If a well established guy marryan unemployed girl (bcz vice versa is not see possible). If he shares his achievements, earnings and estate with that unemployed girl, but same time divorce happens. That same Bechari girl asks shamelessly for half his earning as alimony…. Is it justified ?

[@neel8352]

@@DAANISH_KHAN_ Yes

[@sarojtuli7484]

When we were looking for a match for my son about eighteen years back i asked him to be frank and tell me if he was expecting a dowry. He said he 'd never thought about it. So i warned him that if he ever changed his mind and asked for any dowry in any form i would be the first one to call the police. Being a teacher for thirty years i think i influenced many innocent minds in my life. Still do.

[@prakashdubey9884]

@sarojtuli7484 ...you are dream mother in law 💕 for many

[@smish2931]

🙏

[@anthonycosta128]

Please also teach people about fake dowry cases many innocent Indian men are victims of it

[@rahulv8882]

@@prakashdubey9884 Not if her son's not Rich enough .. LOL

[@simple4292]

*You may not take dowry for ur son, but still ur daughter in law may kick out you from ur own house, I have seen these kind of cases in neighbours and still daughter in laws dont like father in law and mother in law in that same house, but she need ur house, no daughter in law became beggar after marriage, getting free home or getting alimony both win win situation , but many mother in laws became beggars after son marriage, once watch oldage home videos, they come from good families and struggling for good food after son marriage*

[@vishakhasharma9196]

Awesome. She shows Indian society for what it is

[@rizf800]

I want to share a story of my sister's divorce. She did filed a fake abuse case against her husband but the thing is they asked for her hand 6 years ago forbidded her from doing job and once they got married after waiting 6 years my sister's husband left her with in laws for two years and visited them twice a year and barely ever called her. So much of her youth wasted as she didn't do job didn’t get married and was actually verbally abused by in laws and husband. My point is sometimes we hear woman filed a fake case but no one considers the back story which is equally unfair

[@Rtr.AmanJha]

Yes that is right context is most important

[@chaitanyagupta6668]

So you mean its okay to harass evil women? Men can do that?

[@divinelounge3733]

What about the youth of her husband? She destroyed his life by filing fake cases just to satisfy her ego.

[@Rtr.AmanJha]

@@divinelounge3733 not providing emotional and physical support and protection after marriage is also abuse, especially when you leave someone with abusive in-laws not caring for her emotional and mental health..

[@rizf800]

@@divinelounge3733 they are marrying after 32 🤣 and women at 25

[@thisissonotafakeaccount]

*Moral of podcast* (for men): DON'T GET MARRIED! *Moral of the podcast* (for women): DON'T GET MARRIED!

[@aleshafernandes484]

absolutely

[@mudswim]

Marriage is a scam! I learned it the hard way.

[@raikishorimandal]

Bro got frustrated 😂

[@mudswim]

@@raikishorimandal u watch too much h0rny stuffs... lol

[@AdityaKadamMechanical]

Just a small advice for our better half, females!!! Please remain financially independent & have self respect enough to crush ego of the husband if he has 1🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 There are many good people who can become excellent companions❤️💕

[@shrikanyaghatak]

Crushing ego is by force. It is important to develop an understanding. Many people who are totally unsuitable for marriage get married due to arranged marriage system - men and women both.

[@aleshafernandes484]

i dont believe in th institution of marriage, its a con.

[@SatyaSanatani708]

Ya, but y Actually love marriages also get failed 😢

[@prateek752]

Instead of crushing egos, which itself will impact you as well, focus on harm reduction and get out of any toxic place where you are not treated with respect.

[@raikishorimandal]

Loved this video !! Very informative and insightful.

[@shreeparna777]

She says so many amazing stories with her beautiful story telling power and Raj keeps spoiling with his not-so-good questions!

[@TimePASS-rb9zg]

Unsaid Dowry in India opens eyes. Hats of to her father and father in law. She spoke about both of them

[@wtfrjempire9933]

What about.. alimony

[@TimePASS-rb9zg]

@@wtfrjempire9933 alimony is legal fir both husband and wife

[@mohitdhanwani6431]

​@@TimePASS-rb9zg Dowry also used to be legal and widely accepted. The question is "Is it right?" In China/North Korea it is legal for Govt to take everything you own whenever they wish to but the question is do you support that kind of law? Women have legal rights to half the property of both father and husband along with the right to alimony and child support. In most parts of India fathers used to give Dowry not because their In-laws demanded it but because it was what their daughter rightfully deserved as her share of the father's property and whatever is left then belonged to the Sons, this was also to ensure daughter gets a share as their brothers may deny her later

[@DAANISH_KHAN_]

@@TimePASS-rb9zg If dowry is bullshit, then why alimony is not. If a well established guy marryan unemployed girl (bcz vice versa is not see possible). If he shares his achievements, earnings and estate with that unemployed girl, but same time divorce happens. That same Bechari girl asks shamelessly for half his earning as alimony…. Is it justified ?

[@bhoomikoul4141]

​@@DAANISH_KHAN_then don't marry an unemployed woman marry a self dependent working woman or as she said don't put anything under your name

[@monikachaudhary4684]

Even my father in law was like that. Did not take single penny in my marriage. I am proud of that person.

[@TimePASS-rb9zg]

I am sure he is a nice person, but isn't that the basic kind of person?? Like to not be a criminal?

[@Kathakathan11]

My great great grandfather started that tradition, no one in our community takes or asks dowry, even of 1 lakh rupees. If we find out anyone trying to do so, then that marriage is boycotted.

[@JohnDoe-kj2cs]

U shud b left 😂. Ain't taking no women seriously . Why pay for someone who is not ur blood?

[@anushasaxena8073]

thats considered decent in india@@TimePASS-rb9zg

[@elsa2885]

Proud of basic things low standards for men if they are not criminal than women are blessed bcoz normal men are less 😅

[@rawcanvasPictures]

This was one of the best podcasts I have seen in my life 😊

[@shreyps]

both were so cool....the podcast wasn't boring at all..informative and helpful

[@dOVERanalyst]

You REALLY NEED to REWATCH Thappad if you think it was on the surface. They did give context. The context was the man thought he COULD slap her because it was HIS right to disrespect her. The VERY FACT that you both think slapping a spouse is "OKAY". It's not. He humiliated her infront of the entire party despite she giving up everything & doing every bit as a devoted housewife.

[@floydamide]

and since then scores of women use this shitty movie as a pretext to slap their men. Utterly disgraceful!

[@_pari_]

I can tell honestly from my experience, reasons she mentioned are 100% true . 1. Mother in law 2. Abuse 3. Not heard 4. Adultery And I am taking here about middle and upper middle class

[@nee2singh909]

Agreed

[@meghnak24]

Women have to let go of their sons and get a life - saying as a mother of 1 son and 1 daughter

[@AMIN35000]

@@meghnak24 if father has died and i am the only son ,then also should we leave our old mother alone ?

[@chrissingh4730]

Not only MIL but her sister and her husband! I am from Guyana and my marriage was “fixed” without my knowledge. I was 15 and in High School. After the demise of my FIL, My MIL’s sister and husband tortured me until I left the marriage of 25 yrs and penniless with 3 children.. Those 2 in laws were shameless. I divorced and claimed nothing. He married the prostitute and later committed suicide,

[@chrissingh4730]

Oh I must add, when my ex and pro came here, the same in-laws and their children worshipped her!!!

[@supritiphani1282]

Hello Raj I appreciate the way you kept yourself a natural here and it's really nice to see Vandana having a beautiful happy spirit considering her profession. This is one of the best interviews on social media and a subject important for all people from a knowledge or understanding perspective

[@rishiraaj.580]

Eye Opening Podcast. 👍

[@sonumonu5553]

Love all the questions Raj is asking and love the way the lawyer is answering all questions to educate us through her experience.

[@user-uj6pf2he7s]

The movie "Thappad" contained ample context that the prominent lawyer failed to grasp. The film showed that the partner was merely as a property and care taker, and hence treating the wife as an unequal entity within the relationship. Furthermore, the movie also depicted how the man believed he could use his wife as a receptacle for his anger, dehumanizing her in the process by that Thappad". To exacerbate the situation, rather than acknowledging his errors, he continues to mistreat her, driven by the societal pressures of an obligatory marital bond. The movie essentially attempts to convey the that a single slap is not permissible, and also simultaneously say that this very act, resulting from someone else's actions, serves as an unequivocal sign of the husband's severe mistreatment towards her. This serves as compelling evidence to her that she is trapped within an unhealthy and distressing relationship.

[@vishnushetty1035]

Yes..Exactly. She even asks in a scene if in her place his manager was there would you have slapped him? That one line was enough. Which explains he feels it is ok to slap his wife

[@lovleenarora9864]

Yes I agree, he never apologised and shown change in behaviour. Everyone around was also expecting Tapsi to adjust and let go. He thought just bringing gift would let go. M surprised two such intellect people couldn’t get the context right

[@beautypandey5596]

Agree with all the points here, also the so called respectable lawyer here, is she talking about that the woman should only take action when the situation is severe only..is the character of Tapsee being constantly treated as an object or just a care taker of family is not enough?

[@archie2132]

I don’t think she remembers the movie well

[@rahulv8882]

I strongly feel the man and woman must be equal in a relationship and girls should avoid men earning more than them to stabilize that equality. Tapsi in the movie signified that she ego was larger than the relationship. As a man, if I was in that situation, I would find it relieved to let the partner go that brings nothing to the table .. but the girl never leaves on the "equality" she preaches .. she wants the man's blood and sweat apart from whatever he posses ! A man will always be the provider and female the taker .. as soon as he marries! That's a fact !

[@prathameshchavan4974]

We are always looking for bigger better deal - This line just sum up the whole bohot achha podcast hai great

[@user-xd9xy5yl9l]

Loved your high quality video and audio quality. Professional.

[@I09862p]

Most important reason why girls dont go for divorce is their parents. 1. Parents condition their brain that u r a girl u need to adjust. 2. Parents make them dependent so much that they cant imagine themselves without support. 3. Ofcourse no financial security .money matters a lot. 4. Parents say even if u die die in husband house dont come back , just adjust. My inference from seeing my mom and my cousins.

[@jasminhabeeb]

Thank God I was a permanent resident of Canada when my ex messed up our marriage only after 2 months of moving here. I was able to file a mutual divorce in Canada, didn't event go to court, got a divorce within 3 months, got it attested by Indian embassy, send it to India and quashed our marriage registration. I still decided to live in Canada alone, I dont have any family here. I built my career here. I bring my parents over when I miss them. Only when I go to Indian community events do people talk things behind my back, or talk as if I am missing something or disgrace me asking awkward questions or even try to barge into my home. Indian mentality doesn't change even if you are wearing Gucci - Prada and sitting in Pardes.. Very deep rooted is our twisted culture.

[@monicanath4859]

Sad to hear this but I am so happy to hear you are doing well. People must be really insecure since you are doing so well 🙏🏼👏🏼❤️!!

[@palakarora3341]

Hey ! Can you please share your experience of jurisdiction process of Canada for legal separation if you’re comfortable. I am on PR as well and things are messed up with my partner

[@jasminhabeeb]

@@palakarora3341 Talk to your partner, make sure you get a mutual petition if you want it quick ( you dont even have to go to court if it is mutual) &get a divorce lawyer. An ex-party divorce order will not be attested by Indian embassy, that is not valid in India. If you contest, it can take upto a year, and there is a formula as per Canadian law that works out which spouse gets how much considering the income of each person, regardless of you are a man or woman. There is no special preference for being a woman by the way. The smartest choice is to get out of toxicity as soon as possible. The world is bigger than that. All the best.

[@gk9434]

Dont live in Indian areas its only negative when you dont conform

[@palakarora3341]

Hey can you please reply

[@Sasmita_Dwibedi]

Knowledgeful.. Thank You Raj..

[@AnkitG12]

Thank you for the much needed conversation to be heard.

[@richcohen5936]

No matter how much you travel and eat cuisines throughout the day, when you go to bed, anxiety always hits you about the relationships, career and marriage as well.

[@sujalrawat669]

True sir. It effects a lot.

[@Danish_Khan_]

I know where you came from. Swetabh gangwar. Bro I agree with you but try to write and think on your own thinking ability

[@ayushimishra1912]

Right

[@valodymirzelensky9627]

@@Danish_Khan_ koi dekhta tak nahi us chutiye ko

[@Supriyacc]

I genuinely want ask the boys when they get married they follow everything their mom says even if it costs their marriage to break and the same boys don't take care of their mother in her old age... How strange is that🙁

[@KaitoSan777]

Nope miss I am neither maa-baap ka pitthu or joru ka Ghulam

[@karthikbr2541]

Your question itself has the answer

[@TimePASS-rb9zg]

Women should not move to husband's house to take care of his parents when husband isn't moving to their house to take care of her parents..Both should leave their houses and take care of both parents. Half the issues will be solved. Otherwise women deal with a one sided family after marriage. No one can love her more than her parents..

[@yadavrahulsureshchandra8062]

Better solution is don't marry each other and take care of own parents

[@TimePASS-rb9zg]

@@yadavrahulsureshchandra8062 both can stay away from paremts and take care of both parents. That's what many do today which is working well for them and their parents.

[@kishorenaidu3427]

you are correct but the most problematic root cause thing is that boys or girls are never taught about opposite genders from a very young age. This leads to - For example for women as to when earning significantly more is important criteria in your partner men would expect something in return too which will objectify both men and women. The right way would be that women should be financially independent and then decide to marry on their own terms. This would not only teach either person to understand how difficult it is to earn money but also to select a companion with right expectations. Good Guys take care of everyone and everything because it is in their nature to do so Anyways peace to you and please dont hate any gender ✌️

[@TimePASS-rb9zg]

@@kishorenaidu3427 yes all women must be encouraged for financial independence by educating them and helping them to go to universities outside their city for job or universities.. If a man is earning the woman is also a homemaker. Without her the man can earn the way he is. She is already returning.

[@offred6013]

So she should stay with her parents and marry her brother.

[@Vichitragupta823-xm9iq]

As a Lawyer, I recommend to read the book *'Men are from the Mars and women from the Venus'* this book will help to understand each other's psychology in a better way.

[@prateek752]

Maybe it would have helped if we were living in 1950

[@rathis8446]

Awesome session, it covered many relevant details.

[@greenplant5197]

Wonderful interview with this superb lawyer. She brought out the nitty gritty of divorce law. Every marriage nuance & divorce nuance is unique to situation. An aspect of mediation has now come into existence for the last few years appointed by the family courts as a last ditch effort to save a marriage b4 granting a divorce decree !

[@tuhinamukherjee2028]

I am a (Never Married) Single Young Woman still i Enjoyed this podcast 😄😆Because this podcast inspired me to stay single because i am being pressurized to get married by my relatives and Society 😬😛Whatever MAM said about Relatives is true....they are true suckers of life❤i don't hate Men...i am just enjoying being Single 🥰but i feel sorry for some Men because they Suffer both inside and after marriage 😭i know some Girls including my mother who shouts for no reason 😛i am suffering from migraine headaches because of her😄

[@mansidash78]

Very intelligent decision. Stay happy and single. All the best

[@chitra19]

You are an inspiration to me

[@appsups]

After witnessing an accident(s) the next best step is not giving up going out rather it is to learn safe driving.

[@chitra19]

@@appsups i think driving on the road and leading life with not so compatible partner are 2 different things i guess.

[@appsups]

@@chitra19 you are falling to the trap we create for ourselves. Instead of understanding and talking about the message you are have stated talking about the example. Same mistake you are doing with this video. This message of this video is how to get a good life and good marriage and how to avoid dangers . OP(original poster) didn't say she will put in efforts in finding compatible partner, she said she is inspired to remain single. I will not discuss further. See if i'm wrong in this discussion, it doesnt impact me coz we are not discussing my life. but if OP is wrong then her life will be impacted and your as well as she is your inspiration now. Pick your heros carefully. So think again and deeply. good luck

[@rishiraaj.580]

Marriage - Love, Trust, Respect, Liking For Each Other, Money. 👍

[@pratikpal5565]

I get threatened, abused and face domestic violence from my wife of 8 months on a regular basis. I have no recourse. I have never cheated, never stole , no dowry was exchanged, no pressure for her to work but I have to face the music. I don't think this woman ever wore the other shoes. People like her are a problem.

[@savitur5]

The fellow advocate seems to be a typical feminist, who handles only the cases of woman hailing from well-off families. If only she had paid heed to gross reality & sufferings of middle class males facing in the marriage.

[@beezlebub9]

She addressed a similar situation as yours in the video - think you didn’t listen to the whole thing?

[@mk_waterfalls3470]

Marriage is a partnership - just like you invest everything in a start-up and build a team over time a similar team work is required in a marriage. Probable reasons for failure can be lack of understanding of self and skewed responsibilities in a typical household. Introspection before settling down is key.

[@RI-wh3hz]

My investment is wasted. He turned out jerk. I brought to America, paid for his ticket, gave green card, got apartment ready. The time he landed at JFk, his face was like I killed his family. He was disrespectful to all my family members right from airport. He was educated but mentally psycho uncultured. Always abuse me physically, mentally and financially. I tried two times ands finally gave up. Die or leave him. So I chose leave. Very happy...

[@mk_waterfalls3470]

@@RI-wh3hz I am sorry that you had to go through this but happy that you emerged from it. I hope you are healing and getting stronger. Whenever you get a chance, would you mind sharing some of the red flags that you might have noticed before marrying this person? I believe it would help a lot of people to avoid situations if they know beforehand.

[@IamSpidey007]

I don't understand why women or men complain about their partners to be wrong 100% all the time. They see themselves 100% perfect. Why? If you're that much of worth like a Kohinoor diamond who wants to leave you fight with you or unhappy being with you? There must be the person with you expecting from you. You're not understanding your partner needs and just painting everyone same and following the same brainless agenda of society. Make yourself worthy and if you think you're that much worthy why anyone wants to leave you?? Think about it.

[@rashmikumari4258]

this podcast could have been much much more !! It missed out many many important questions, but still a good start that we are ready and discussing such complicated topics !!!

[@WhiteMetal_]

Oh yes i felt that too. But it is so becouse he isn't married either

[@swezz66]

Thank you for this.

[@vrsgreat]

👍🏻 wonderful podcast! Thankyou!

[@rajshrigupta2346]

Provoked is a mind blowing movie..even a timid woman can become vicious and volcanic when her tolerance and patience cross over her limits.. Thank you Ma’am for educating us about the law and it’s pros and cons..❤

[@mr.phantom6969]

You don't need to know that before hand Men have no laws for them If you complain under any law Men will suffer always

[@nainakatoch9804]

It is a true story. We knew about this case before the movie was made. A relative of the lady is our friend.

[@skalrask8097]

👍

[@shrutishah8492]

@thezoldics7648 now just think what law can do to that man ROFL

[@ToThoseWhoGotHurtByMeIAMSORRY]

​@thezoldics7648It's good that our country doesn't have guns. We men are savages, we are the most violent species on this planet. Don't torment him while keeping him free. If his crime is heinous, just quickly end his life. Once he is in jail there are only two outcomes, he improves for better, or plots for revenge when he comes out.

[@julianajasmine0]

I completely disagree with their take on thappad 53:02. In the movie, I think ONE of the main points was that the guy wasn’t apologetic about his slap and she was expected to simply move on and forget about the whole incident. Moreover, taapsee’s character never initiated the divorce. When she wanted some time and left to stay with her parents for a while, he sent her a legal notice to return back home to which upon her lawyer’s advice, she filled for divorce. And she didn’t even mention the slap/domestic violence in her divorce notice nor did she ask for any money. She loved him but I guess she felt a lack of respect in their relationship when he didn’t even apologise. The character growth of the guy is also shown beautifully when at the end, he finally utters the word “sorry”, with a wonderful redeeming monologue. I may be wrong but I feel they (the host and guest) haven’t really watched the film and are expressing their opinions based on perhaps only the trailer or poster or something? Edit: Moreover, the movie showcases other female characters in relationships as well, providing different perspectives on the expectations of women and their experiences. The movie also showcases some good male characters who are loving and caring, and shows how people are capable of changing for better. I’m not saying the movie is perfect but would recommend one to watch it before judging/expressing their opinions 😊

[@jayeetaghose3503]

I agree about the thappad movie that this is superficially made. But the idea of the movie is wonderful.

[@trishasinghal5796]

So true... I agree....

[@Peaceisgod577]

Very well written n it's true dear

[@tanyajali8891]

Similar thoughts. She indirectly said one slap is okay or abuse is okay unless you reach a stage wherein it becomes unbearable any further.

[@TheCosmickarma]

Agree. Respect in a relationship is everything!!

[@meghaj4038]

Great answers Vandana. Loved how you answered wrong charges on dowry. You are Wonderful person 😊

[@ShivaniSharma-vt5bx]

Loved the ending where she said how these superficial things can work wonders in a marriage! Loved this podcast, it was entertaining, amazing, insightful, crazy stories and surprisingly shocking anecdotes of our society! Reality is actually stranger than fiction!

[@shrilaa]

She is such an inspiration as a personality. She is so positive, and keeps a balance of spirituality, practicality and hard work. Last few minutes,i kind of felt immense respect for her.

[@coinismbabaji4467]

panhoti hai

[@floydamide]

What spirituality? This woman is a narcissist

[@mountmarynadar5049]

She charges 5 lacs per year This are just for cameras

[@coinismbabaji4467]

@@mountmarynadar5049

[@BTKGaming09]

😂😂nice I see she is depressed

[@ashagangoli3215]

Thankyou for that exhilarating and educating conversation, Raj and even more Vandana. God bless you both.

[@priyas6496]

so so happy to have come across this video Raj. Saw you in the Nikhil Kamat show WTF# and this popped up and so wonderful to see this. My divorce is going on for 8 yrs almost now... no money .. I am just asking fro divorce and the house in my single whihc I have paid for in full including the loan. He has ahouse of his own in his single name. all this after an abusive 23 yrs of marriage. I got beatne up many times anf finally ran out saving my life . he is dragging the divorce and the courts have let him do so on very flimsy reasons and I have been feelign so little for so long. this talk has so helped me to work my head around a lot of things. but best my business whihc I am working to resurrect now. I am spurred now to thnk differently for myself. Thank you so much !!

[@sarth9322]

If the house is yours for which you have paid, what is the issue? You are the full and complete owner of the house, I don't see any reason why you are not able to use or enjoy the property.

[@meghakashyap1986]

So much of truth in one podcast. My favorite part was the old t shirt analogy.

[@ravuruv8154]

In Tappad it was clearly shown that it was always about him even his career,his success, even his apology was always about him,she realises it not because of Tappad but of what happens later ,she realises that she was just like furniture in the house

[@bhushangaikwad7381]

After listening to this podcast, I am scared of term called "MARRIAGE"

[@Empathy_17]

Stay away from it as much as possible, unless the judicial system has laws that protect men and women equally, getting married will ruin your life in the worst way especially if you come from India

[@jacky1584]

​@@Empathy_17 bro In usa it even worse I don't think it will become better unless we protest against it

[@lifetimelearner]

I have nothing against Indian traditions and I actually deeply respect Indian heritage and culture but with the quality of education system we have and all other stuff I think it is better to leave India.

[@padma1688]

Don’t go for looks go for values in the family. It will be all fine .. dont be judgemental and stay away from judgemental women. Several people new age have successful marriages and you will have the same too.

[@importantstuff3370]

Yes please dont marry lot of women will be saved from your decision

[@GratefulG]

I have to say this is one of the best podcast on divorce discussion that has No BS in it . Vandana shah is an absolute woman who is compassionate and said exactly what we expect out of Marriages, love and commitments. In the end if two people who have high morals and values meet. They get married and their marriage will always be a successful marriage. I have seen divorces in my family and friend circle and the only reason is - the difference of Value and morals and absence of discussion of their EQ and IQ compatibility. To all the women, Be financially independent and be your own rich person and date/ marry wisely and get over toxic feminism . I am learning how feminist men also exist and are super beautiful humans. Marry for love and be a decision maker of your life than just someone who is there to take all the pressure that comes form low ass people around you.

[@seshanm54]

Tells you something about the mindset of certain Indian women that Brad Pitt and Rafael Nadal are "their" idea of handsome and desirable me. It comes out so naturally and unconsciously!

[@jalebiandthings]

Wow! Thank you so much for starting these conversations and bringing awareness. Looong time coming!! Much needed!!!

[@praneet1377]

If women are equal why do they ask for settlement?

[@abdullahajaz1844]

Arey bhai itna sach mat bolo, koi liberal larki aake misogynist ka tag laga degi

[@sarthakj52]

hahahaha

[@Advaita_YT]

Women are equal ? Did u mean why girl’s family has to pay dowry ?

[@sauravsingh9412]

Good question... You are a good question.. But your question hurts me😂

[@kunalarora6098]

I asked the same question ⁉️⁉️

[@Ruuhdaar]

Amazing podcast 👍 m your silent appreciator

[@rooprang542]

You both are top of the world. Your families are exeption .Against dowry. God bless you...

[@suchetanachakraborty2624]

I am proud divorced lady & lot of ladies i know they're like me. There is no point when marriage is not working, to carry on it. I myself have thrown that dirty creature into dustbin. Me & my only son are now living in immmence happiness. We are going to temple, we are going to park, we are going to shopping malls, we are going to here & there, in a word we are enjoying our lives in peace. And peace is the most , most precious in human life. Peace is the most valuable word in dictionary also.

[@suchetanachakraborty2624]

@@user-km2xn6md2q My marriage was a negotiated one, & it was father's mistake that he had not taken much information about that man & his family. The simple reason behind divorce is dowry harrasment. That man was doing a good job with handsome salary, they had their own house, but that man & his family was extremely greedy for my father's money. He had an elder brother, there was same story. I have come out with my son, & his elder brother ' s wife had gone out with her daughter. Now my son & me r living a peaceful life. We simply don't care what other fellows are thinking.

[@rayyanabdulwajid7681]

You can pretend to be peaceful, but you won't be peaceful. You are supposed to be obedient to your husband.

[@suchetanachakraborty2624]

@@rayyanabdulwajid7681 I have thrown that man out of my life. Many girls i know have done the similar thing. And you should not try to give advice to ladies what to do. Men like you r just garbage in our society. Not myself not other girls ask you what to do, or what not to do. Men like you should mind your own business.

[@AashishJhaMusic]

With his money or your money 💰

[@suchetanachakraborty2624]

@@AashishJhaMusic That dirty bustard was always greedy for my father's money. He just like you, supporter of dowry system. I went to police & that ugly bustard (my ex husband) spent 4 days in jail custody. And i thank the court thousand times for granting me divorce. It was my story. Now come to the point. I don't know you are male or female. If you r a male person & supporter of dowry system, the fate ( the what happened with my ex husband) is waiting for you. Just wait and watch!

[@SS-ni7ww]

She is sooo good. She said everything all Indian women want to say but can’t say it all. Great episode!

[@sanyogitabhopi]

One of the best podcast.Very informative

[@SuchitaSharma5]

Much needed conversation🤘

[@rajveersingh-fp8gg]

Looks like salman khan is really the most intelligent person in bollywood. 😁

[@mandarbathkal1996]

Agree

[@Kathakathan11]

He is not married yet?

[@wowser2153]

But his handsome genes will die with him . Amir and Hrithik though divorced have waaris .

[@sandeepkrishnan3043]

@@wowser2153 he can still donate his sperm . he can pass his genes. he doesnt have to pay child support also. many single ladies will be still ready for that option

[@MansiGupta1410]

That's what you gained from this?

[@dimplebhojwani6155]

Superb ma'am. The moment you said about spirituality I clapped for you ❤️

[@purnimadhar3187]

She's completely making sense. As a woman rights practitioner , a social worker, I could easily relate. In fact I could hear myself speaking up through her. Kudos