Interview: Dating and Marriage as a Jehovah’s Witness

[@Whisperme2sleep]

My biggest challenge in dating was that there were no JW women that I was attracted to, but if there was, I constantly had other witnesses talking about me, saying "He's not a very spiritual brother" or "He has the wrong attitude" or "he looks and acts like a worldly person".

[@schleprock000]

Yeah, there were only two or three girls in our hall near my age and they were, let’s just say, not very interested in fitness.

[@zaqueenzhane7744]

i was in it but idk i wasnt baptized so i couldnt date anybody till i was but most guys were taken or i wasnt into or were too young for me and felt like a little brother

[@zaqueenzhane7744]

not that many options since u can only be with baptized brothers

[@stevenclarke5606]

The Witnesses are the most judgmental and two faced people that you are likely to meet, they have more faces than a town hall clock. There is nothing they enjoy better than malicious gossip and telling tales to the elders, there is no love in the watchtower only deep control and guilt!

[@eriq54321]

I was afraid of marrying some one at my hall for desperation and then loose physical attraction to them and then wishing you could have waited to have met the one who you really should have gotten with years later to a younger more compatible person cause of committing adultery with your eyes by looking and wishing you would have waited for that other person rather than just settling with the person you had married just to be with someone cause you felt lonely.

[@fettuccinialldayson3274]

Growing up as a Jw, I was nervous when I got baptized at 15 years old because I knew the pressure to get married was waiting for me. I’ll sum up the whole experience as having been auctioned off. Elders talking to my Jw dad and mom about who is eligible and who they recommend for me. I turned many away because I simply didn’t want to be married so young. Finally the elders got upset and told my dad that I was “distracting” the young brothers and I needed to be married otherwise I would be reproved or disfellowshipped on grounds of “loose conduct” though I never dressed immodestly or behaved in a flirtatious way. Just a group of sick old men that wanted me to be married and taken. I finally gave up my fight and got married at 19 years old though I was spoken for at 17years of age. That was a big deal! I’ll skip that part but 9years later I couldn’t take the abuse anymore and woke up! I’m no longer a Jw and happily remarried! The best experience! No pressure and I got to know my husband and our relationship progressed as we wanted it to. Great video!

[@Eric_01]

That is a crazy story! I absolutely believe it, though, that some weirdo elders were that involved in micro-managing your life. It also speaks to the differences between congregations due to each one being "ran" differently depending solely on the personalities of that elder group. They really go much further than should be allowed than the society even suggests. There is so much renegade management in that organization.

[@eabay2102]

66666⁶⁶⁶⁶⁷9

[@john.premose]

​@@Eric_01all of it comes from the society. They control everything to the last detail.

[@kimberlyfarris1280]

My husband and I dated for almost a year and a half before we told anyone. We told our parents 3 3 months before we got married that we were dating when in reality we were engaged. Neither one of us wanted busy bodies in our business pressuring us to get Married so we did it our way. It was the best decision and was told that by my husbands JW father. As soon as we told people were dating the bashing began. JWs started bad mouthing us to one another. A So called jw friend who liked me called my husband and started talking negative about my son thinking my husband didn’t have a relationship with him already. My narcissistic jw mother was so jealous of me she called my soon to be father in law to bash me in turn he called my husband. But little did they all know that my husband had a friendship with my son and we were all tight. My jw friends were saying negative things about my husband to me and not one of them asked me about our relationship if he makes me happy what are his positive qualities? Not one of them cared about how we felt about one another. Those miserable people didn’t want to see us happy. After 2.5 months of being married we both woke up and realized we were in a cult. It all started to make sense why those people behave the way they do. So happy to be away from negative judgmental people. We are happily in love and celebrating our third year anniversary.

[@exjwdiaries]

Happy anniversary!

[@kimberlyfarris1280]

@@exjwdiaries Thank you 😊

[@jessicanerpio-cauldwell4987]

@@kimberlyfarris1280 Glad you both is out of this Crazy Cult 👍... Staying True to Each other is called Love...😊

[@Judajuol]

Thank you for this video. I was one of those sisters that was in a domestic violence situation and couldn’t divorce on spiritual ground. So I committed adultery to get away from him and the Harassment of the elders and even my parents to get back to him. This is something that needs to be addressed more often to help those who are stuck to help them 💪🏻

[@nickyannajones]

Ha! Me too and the sister he married after me did the same thing

[@raysamuels9791]

I really hope you both know how much true good you're accomplishing with these videos. Please keep it up! We truly need this.

[@exjwdiaries]

Thank you! I definitely have a lot more coming. The next video will put JW morals to the test.

[@Eric_01]

I was born in, but waited forever to get baptized. Going through high school, I intentionally wanted to wait to avoid the risk of messing up and being DFd. At 18, I started talking to a pioneer sister from another congregation and I wasn't even baptized yet, so that was a HUGE factor in why I went ahead with it. I even convinced the elders that I should not have to wait for an assembly and I had a special baptism talk just for me. I'd never heard of that before or since. As it turned out, we were both only 18 or 19 and I chickened out, deciding I was too young at that point and wanted to keep some freedom. I did marry another sister from another state about two years later. Still all of what was discussed applied. There was nobody locally and I just latched onto the first opportunity under the circumstances at a district convention. When you're that young with so much emphasis on merely being spiritually matched, which honestly translates to "if we're both JWs, everything else is irrelevant." So, throw that in with your genitals being on fire from abstinence, and you really do just grab and go. We didn't do ourselves any favors by finding lots of time alone and stoke the fire pretty good. We got married after knowing each other for 9 months, her father, an elder, married us. That works great for about 3 months. Then, every personality trait that you do not like about each other just becomes all you can see. We were stuck in that loop for 14 years, always fighting and separating but both scared to death of every divorcing because of the massive ripple effect it would have on our entire social structure. Honestly, she had the purer heart, in fact, her constant goodness is what I hated the most about her. All I ever did was struggle and it felt like she just lorded over me with disappointment. We had no business together. Finally, after the 14 years, I gave her "biblical" cause for divorcing me and it was the best thing for both of us. She remarried another brother that she could make miserable, but I think they were much better of a match, at least they both wanted to be JWs. The divorce and subsequent DF was my hard out. That was 19 years ago. Of course, being DFd now, I've lived to realize the pure horror of being shunned by all, including my own children. Still, I could never go back. SOOO many young lives could be redirected if JWs just gave every teenager a single hall pass to get that first splooge out of their system.

[@nickyannajones]

I dated a disfellowshipped witness for a bit. He decided to get reinstate but while attending meetings was still "spending time" 😉 with me. Once he got reinstated he dropped me. Even tho was trying too. He said that he wanted to keep his options open and I was taking too long. For years this brother would call me and tell me he missed me and that he wish he had chosen me because he was so unhappy. He ended up divorced and disfellowshipped again. He reached out a few times but I wasn't interested. Even while he was still a witness and married he'd try to meet up with me for extracurricular activities and I had to spiritually encourage this fool to stay faithful smh

[@changecomesfromwithin7377]

Should have sent that evidence to someone who could have helped him more ;)

[@superdave1263]

When my wife and I were dating, we couldn’t wait to have sex after marriage, both of us pioneering at the time. After we were married she completely changed, and not for the good. I endured 17 years of marriage with a horrible sex life. The old adage that you want to “taste the milk before buying the cow” is so damned true!

[@changecomesfromwithin7377]

Jordan peterson has a good talk as to why waiting after marriage is the right thing to do. What u should have done is been honest with urselves about ur motives and waited for the right person to come along.

[@Ava2969ny]

It's amazing how this is information that does not get told to new people coming in; many don't find out about chaperones and being disfellowshipped for breaking off an engagement until after they are fully in the org, and I believe this is done on purpose, because if someone thinks about the fact that you can't even get to know the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with, that individual would likely back away (Seems like the thought process is: let's make sure we don't let new ones find out so that we can hold on to our bible studies and make our hours by the end of the month!) If people knew that they would not be considered "marriage material" if they don't have a title or are not reaching out for one, they would likely back away...because that can affect a person's future, their self-esteem could be affected, etc. So information is withheld or omitted, and in my opinion, that is deceptive, and to reprove someone for breaking off an engagement, when maybe they figured out that the person wasn't right for them is manipulative. And yet if the marriage doesn't work out, they will never be "scripturally" free!....this would be laughable if it weren't so sad and manipulative.

[@exjwdiaries]

Perfectly said!

[@alpaphoenix3252]

There is a lot more information that I wasn't aware of until some years later after being baptized. Finding out that Jesus was not my mediator and they consider disassociation the same as being disfellowshiped was a major eye opener.

[@nickyannajones]

I watched so many sisters mentally die in an abusive marriage. My mom had been in one before and she said she'd never do that again but she acted like it was a bad thing to talk about a sister leaving an abusive man.

[@blackmanpower7484]

Before I was married dating was a headache in the JW world.girls and their mother’s was all in your business .I was glad to get off the market for peace of mind.I been married for 18 years and feel sorry for brothers who are looking for wife’s.Yes the organization is full of toxic people who tried to match mate young people but them themselves come from unhappy and broken marriages the madness never end’s.(Tip) If you want to date in the organization keep it private.Get to know the person before you let anyone know that y’all are interested in each other now that may be difficult because witnesses are very Nosey.

[@rachellejoachim2652]

Yeah I hear they all want an invite to to wedding from what I see

[@john.premose]

They're called guys or men not "brothers" and women not "sisters"

[@ThatGirl0930]

I know someone who woke up after getting married, and now they are fully awake and mentally out but the wife is a full in witness who ain't about to wake up, so he just stuck in a marriage with a controlling religion.

[@Hearwithyourears]

Great interview so much information 😊thanks to both!

[@thehigherevolutionary]

A girl I broke up with (just not compatible, she was nice otherwise), her dad called my elders to complain. I got counseled about playing with people's feelings... They had to convene about removing my privileges.... 🙄

[@FakefulandDisgracedSlaveClass]

I hated the pretense that single life was the best life for a JW even though everyone was getting married. I remember brothers would lament about the the "tribulations of the flesh " as being married, and all the jokey comments about marriage...and how life was so simple being single. But whenever something happened to there spouse within a month they would be remarried - just goes to show that it's all bullcrap no one really believes in the advice from Paul to stay single to serve the Lord, deep down every JW despised those scriptures

[@yogi19581]

What a fantastic video, this should be a compulsory watch.

[@rachellejoachim2652]

This is true, if you are looking to establish yourself everyone around you is not, they may be working, and some pionnering, no one talks too much about business and career since that it is looked down upon. There is no one that matches you, it is so rare this happen unless both parents did well in the faith, or your family, or you grew up in the hall, but true you are only train to look for spirtual red flags, if they make comments, service but not if the person is emotionally normal and stable, so I did see toxic marriages, especially among my family every Jw is divorce and remarried twice at the most or 3 times.

[@blahblah2blahblah260]

Great interview!

[@Me-kl4yk]

You should really look for a match. No Jw's, no non-Jw's, look for a match. Jw is a man-made organization, religion's are. Perhaps people will get this message.

[@alans.wendelschafer6588]

When I was dating my wife, I was in a congregation that had one sister who wouldn't let me sit next to her while out in service. It's like she was afraid I was gonna accidentally have sex with my girlfriend while two other people were in the car with us. Also, me dating my girlfriend was such a scource of gossip in the congregation on general. Even though we were both adults. (Young adults, anyway).

[@jamesbovington8218]

The gossip in JW congregations is overwhelming.

[@superdave1263]

My fiancé and I before we were married had to have a constant chaperone with us no matter where we went. Hell, we could hardly even get to know each other! Absolutely ridiculous.

[@marwatson7408]

@@superdave1263 Tell me about it it was the same with me I thought the whole thing was completely ridiculous.🤷🏼‍♀️

[@nickyannajones]

I remember a brother and I got into a situation after field service where we got left alone. The other brother had to leave. Michael suggested we grab a meal before we head back because we had been out all day. We chose a restaurant practically across the street from the Kingdom Hall, sat at a table in front of a window, you know because we were trying to be sneaky! Smh and we ended up in a judicial committee meeting. Eventually he stopped dating me. He ghosted me. Switched congregations! One day I saw his car and waited for him! I needed closure. He said that the brothers were giving him issues about us because I was unbaptized but I also think it was because he was white and I am brown and they wanted him to marry one of their daughters. Not this brown unbaptized , mixed race, and unbelieving girl. Smhwe could have gone the distance too

[@jimingram7745]

Thats sad I have been studying and cant stand how controlling it is , Im "dating " a JW woman that ive know 30 yrs both of us have been single for yrs we are in our 50s ....we both love each other have a lot in common I couldnt imagine not being with her ......I feel for you its not fair what they do and not sure if its Biblically correct , hope everything works out for you and you find happiness

[@Eric_01]

@@jimingram7745 Why in the hell would you study with them, then? You should focus on getting your girlfriend out. She's obviously on the fence about a few of the finer points.

[@jimingram7745]

She cant get out both of her boys are elders ....anyway we've broken up I cant be in that controlling cult

[@Eric_01]

@@jimingram7745 I'm sorry it had to go that way, but you ultimately made the right call. Relationships are hard enough under even good circumstances.

[@jimingram7745]

Im heartbroken

[@nickyannajones]

My witness best friend married my witness exhubby. They got married 4 months after our divorce was final. You do the math. My mother went to the elders about it but nothing was done. Ex bestfriend has been married 4 times! Ex hubby 3 times! How does that happen as witnesses!

[@QueenSamiyah]

Great content

[@rocker1889]

When I was in and before I was married I had a vietnamese sister whom I only seen at the curcuit assembly give me little gifts like a tie clip or fitted book cover for my bible. She was very sweet and nice but kinda rough on the eyes. I was turned off because of that plus she was trying too hard which led me to question her motives. Also, I noticed that the Spiritual sisters had boring personalities and couldn't hold a conversation on a subject other than JWism. While the 'fringe' sisters were what I liked. Another point that pissed me off was that the JWism dictated what kind of sex a hisband & wife could have. Sex was so boring after I got married because my then wife got it from somewhere that oral stimulation, even btween married couples was frowned upon. 🙄🙄 . Also, in JWism your spouse will tattle to the elders on you. In turn the elders will gossip among themselves AND their wives. So everyone will know your beeswax! Marriage as a JW sucked!

[@john.premose]

Yeah the Watchtower is against oral, it's considered "porneia"

[@zaqueenzhane7744]

yep tour chaperoned and never get to know the person yur marrying as a result cause peopel rushit because they wanna just be alone dating is how you get to knowthem marriage is a great thing but you gotta marry the right person for you that your meant to be with and truly love i always ended up liking guys who werent in it and feeling guilty for liking them when i moved out and left and came formy grandma funeral my exwasnt a jw i said he was cause i didnt wanna hear it you cant be truly honestwith ur friends in it i wasnt baptized but if i was i wouldve been disfellowshipped cause i did lose my virginity to him i was just smart enough not to tell people cause i was only there for my grandma funeral and was the last time i had to act like iwas one of them when i had been left and stopped doing anything for it havent went back since either

[@rosemariegoldsmith2919]

That seems deliberate, shall I postpone him?

[@massiahson6391]

First here

[@exjwdiaries]

Super quick!!

[@changecomesfromwithin7377]

How can you recognise red flags when the whole religion is a red flag that you are influenced to ignore.

[@jimingram7745]

Good info thank you

[@brendagordon4571]

Lol 😆 I never really understand the dating protocols when choosing a suitor among JW. Competition, pressure and acceptance. My life was consist of being self-sufficient and singleness. It would of been very hard for me to change to let someone to take charge as headship. What if your husband is an idiot and he abuses his headship?

[@eduardomarcelino1980]

In the congregations of Jehovah's Witnesses they practice rejecting the blood and body of Christ in the Lord's Supper!

[@eduardomarcelino1980]

"STOP, LOOK, LISTEN: Luke 8:17 "For there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, nor is there anything carefully hidden that will never become known and never come to light." it is part of the new covenant that Jesus made with his disciples to eat the bread that represents his body and drink the wine that represents his blood, how will you have eternal life? (Luke 22:19,20). doctrine of men or the word of GOD?" observe (John ch 3:16,17) 16-“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever exercises faith in him may not be destroyed but have eternal life. 17-For God did not send his Son into the world that he might judge the world, but that the world might be saved through him." observe (John ch 6:53-57) 53- So Jesus said to them, "I say- to you with all certainty: Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in yourselves. 54 - He that feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I do. I will rise again at the last day, 55- for my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. 56- Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood remains in union with me, and I in union with him. Just as the Father who lives sent me and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on me will live because of me. the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me". notice what Jesus said: Matthew 23:13 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because they close the kingdom of heaven to men; for you yourselves do not enter, nor do you let in those who are on their way to enter." look at the Conclusion of Jesus (John ch 10: 09,10) 9- I am the door; whoever enters by me will be saved, and will enter and he shall go out, and find pasture.” 10- A thief comes only to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.

[@eduardomarcelino1980]

the only problem for Jehovah's Witnesses is not to take as an example what Jesus instituted in their memory, which was to eat and drink the emblems in the Lord's Supper! for it is one baptism and one hope of eternal life. Ephesians 4: 4-6 note 4- There is one body and one spirit, just as you were called in a hope to which you were called; 5- one Lord, one faith and one baptism; 6- God, unique and Father of all, who is above all, and through all and in all.

[@Eric_01]

Nope. That is incorrect.

[@john.premose]

That's the least of their problems

[@zaqueenzhane7744]

but there wasnt a lot of options most everyone was taken or too young for me

[@rachellejoachim2652]

or too old

[@sarahthomas8670]

There’s was barely any options omg. Only time I saw good looking men or my type was convention lmao

[@marwatson7408]

Marriage and dating in this organization is a complete joke everyone is up in your business over something that’s none of their business to begin with. 🙄 I’m so glad I never married into this organization or raised children in it either.

[@sarahthomas8670]

Same

[@changecomesfromwithin7377]

Me too, I could never raise my children esp my daughters in this religion and the men in this religion are taught to be vile. Good ones tend to wake up or question it.

[@marwatson7408]

@@changecomesfromwithin7377 Absolutely👍 I had a lot of issues with children in this organization seeing these kids being robbed of their childhood. Even though I didn’t have children at the time I wasn’t raising them in this nonsense. Especially if I had a daughter I didn’t want her to grow up constantly being to told by some elder she is either her father or husband’s property. I nearly married an elders son and his mother was overbearing, controlling, and possessive I didn’t want my children to grow up with a grandmother like that and constantly reminding them to be on their best behavior at all times because their grandfather is an elder in the congregation.

[@MichaelSmith-lm5sl]

I got married at 22 to a older woman

[@Ava2969ny]

@Michael Smith - are you still married? -- Older woman-younger man unions can be recipes for disaster.

[@eriq54321]

@@Ava2969ny unless she older with a lot of money and great job with benefits

[@alpaphoenix3252]

@Michael Smith what's the age difference between you and your wife?

[@Eric_01]

Apparently she took away his internet privileges.

[@john.premose]

​@@eriq54321witnesses rarely ever have money and good jobs

[@Inspirechattv]

Just subscribe to your channel

[@exjwdiaries]

Thank you!!