Is Bisexuality Queer Enough? With Megan, Victoria & Kris of 'Something'

[@zacharbison8763]

Bi guy here, interesting conversation and very relatable. Thanks!

[@QueerCollective]

Thanks for watching 💕

[@Victori.A1]

you're d i sgusting af ngl

[@ryanfitzalan8634]

as a Bi man, i had this convo with a women once. She said "you want something that i cannot give you. so how could it ever work or even make sense?", I told her "you are also a white women, which means you can never give me dark skin, your a blonde, so you can never give me red hair, your petite, so you can never give me large breasts, any time any two people are monogamous they are not able to pursue other people who they might want, that's how monogamy works, it makes no difference if my pool of potential people to date is larger than yours or not because I'm pursuing monogamy, if you really think the person you date will or should only ever want you and nobody else, you need therapy"

[@QueerCollective]

A fair point and good new analogy to explain it, thank you for sharing your view!

[@snokalo208]

I would love to see a conversation with bisexual men, and bisexual trans people :)

[@QueerCollective]

Oooouuuu love that idea

[@PlantBasedAbroad]

I would love to hear a conversation about the one penis policy to dive deeper on this issue. That is, the phenomenon of bi women in relationships with men that are only open to women and the murkiness and problems that come along with that like transphobia and fetishization of lesbians.

[@eviemorgan2123]

the way the one of the very right sexualizes her experiences with women with her man is absolutely disgusting

[@ryzeup5654]

most bi women love to perpetuate the predatory lesbian thing bc of their proximity to straightness and the privilege they get/can weaponize from it , but most of them are the actual predators towards lesbians and other bi women. theyre most likely to set a lesbian up to be raped by their boyfriends, exhibited by one of the girls in the video. its all interesting and twisted projection. revolting individuals, theyre literal vultures.

[@QueerCollective]

How is it sexualized exactly? Being excited about experiences and wanting to share that with her partner is not the same as sexualizing. Then again it is quite literally a sexual experience

[@eviemorgan2123]

@@QueerCollective having sex with a woman and the first person you want to tell is your boyfriend 😂 he’s totallyy not getting off on it!

[@QueerCollective]

Your assumptions and biases trump anything else here

[@greymatters7284]

Typical of bisexual women. Unable to sleep with women without involving a man somehow.

[@sadfaery]

Don't know if y'all have seen Heartstopper yet, but Heartstopper Season 2 feels like an exercise in combatting bi erasure. In the best way possible.

[@QueerCollective]

We’ll check it out ❤ thanks for sharing 🫶

[@Hero-up8hv]

just because you are pan or bi sexual doesn’t mean you aren’t monogamous.

[@QueerCollective]

Absolutely

[@hellmind1304]

I appreciate these women’s experiences but I feel like the pod turned more into discussing polyamory/open relationships. Being bi certainly does not mean having to be involved with more than one person. Enjoyed the pod anyways! 🦄✨

[@QueerCollective]

Hey, the last section was ways to affirm your bisexuality after we had already discussed coming out, misconceptions and a few stats around bisexuality. We went through 3 different examples and one of them was open relationships because of all of us have explored that as a means to affirm our identity. Vic is not in an open relationship and we all state that you don’t need to be in an open relationship to be bisexual or affirm your identity. It just works for us ❤. Thanks for listening and we hope you still took something away from the discussion.

[@hellmind1304]

@@QueerCollective Yeah, sure! I get your point about affirming sexuality through different ways. Just wanted to make sure 😌 Thanks for reaching out! ✨

[@Milena-sy8ld]

I would like to ask the girl in the middle to ask if her boyfriend would have a problem if she slept with another man, as she didn't answer but rather avoided the question saying that she is not interested in other men. But I believe everyone already knows the answer. and yet bisexuals like to claim that the problem of biphobia comes from the LGBT community while their heterosexual men love to objectify women in lesbian relationships

[@Milena-sy8ld]

the way she has to repeat that her man respects queer relationships just to make herself believe it

[@Cyanopteryx]

I'm honestly really confused about the seemingly widespread disdain for bi men, and frankly the lack of fetishization. I'm bi and afab and admittedly I've veered into fetishizing guy on guy action/relationships. I really don't get the weird attitude about it, especially coming from queer women lol

[@wareforcoin5780]

The gays will latch on to anything to avoid admitting there's a problem, huh?

[@okcoolros4121]

i’m a bi woman and the mindsets featured in this ep is why i get branded as a pick me bisexual, having affirmed an agreement with a lot of criticisms against majority of bi women

[@emma-lv7hn]

The same woman complaining about lesbians being “man haters” identifies as “bi lesbian” because she’s a “man hater”???? Talk about projection.

[@ilovemywifeviolet]

Fr LMAO

[@Cyanopteryx]

There's a difference between hating men and not being attracted to them due to past negative experiences, and she was pretty clear which one of those was the reason she doesn't date men.

[@Bigurlie4508]

Good for you ig

[@cassie5992]

Thought I was very slightly attracted to some men but realized that I was attracted to their aesthetic

[@QueerCollective]

Omg I feel like that’s the lesbian struggle of attraction LOL. Do I wanna f$ck you or do I wanna be you?!

[@SheilaArellano]

It would be incredible to listen to an episode featuring the men in these relationships. I'd love to hear them talk about what it's like being in a queer relationship as a straight ally and how they navigate queer spaces respectfully. I am also bisexual and in an open relationship with a man and we have these conversations often, I'd love to hear more men talk about this!

[@QueerCollective]

It’s cooking 👀

[@jessicam3555]

You can do whatever the fuck you want. If you’re bi and non-monogamous, you’re valid. If you’re bi and monogamous, you’re valid. You’re valid period. However you want to experience sexuality in this moment is valid, and however/if that changes in the future or was different in the past is valid. How you experience sexuality is not a threat to anyone else.

[@QueerCollective]

Well said 👏🏼

[@rhythmoflove2]

I sometimes h.te being bi because it’s so lonely and depressing. No one really understands you and sometimes it’s easier just to appear hetero. Also, the level of h.te you get from the lgbt+ community is awful. Society wants us to choose or they automatically think we cannot be monogamous, it’s fcking exhausting! I met this lady who I wanted to get to know, she assumed that I was lesbian. When I told her that I was bi, she was no longer interested in me. I just suffer in silence 🥲

[@Grounded_Gravity]

This was such a thoughtful, kind, and lovely episode, sorry y'all got so much flack from all directions in the comments. But you definitely got a sub from me! Really well done and good vibes all around.

[@BMDPTraining-Elda]

Super interesting episode and topic! It got me thinking about stereotypes (bi / feminine / tomboy) that you also discussed a little in this episode. How do they affect us and interfere with our beliefs when it comes to choosing a partner? Do we close ourselves if we identify as lesbians and meet a bisexual woman who looks "too straight"? If so why is that? Is it insecurity? Fear of abandonment? Is it possible to avoid stereotypes both in ourselves and in others to experience love more fully?

[@QueerCollective]

Love this comment 💗, thanks for taking the time to craft this thoughtful response. Stereotypes could really be a full episode in my opinion 👀. Soo many Stereotypes exist within the queer community because we were raised with that same comp-het ideology as everyone else. It takes conscious efforts to undo those thought processes. But it can be done and we absolutely are working on it ourselves because we’ve seen others do it first and nothing looks more freeing than living a life outside of norms and stereotypes. 🫶

[@BMDPTraining-Elda]

@@QueerCollective Totally agreed. And a full episode on this would not only be enlightening but very innovative. It’s a rarely discussed subjet unfortunatly, a hard one too for the reasons you mentioned. 💜🌈

[@luckystar6871]

sexuality is not a spectrum for everyone. that concept makes sense for bisexuality but it really doesn't apply to straight or gay (aka monosexual) people. gay and straight ppl do not go through phases of liking men and then women. they have a set attraction and it doesn't change. i don't think anyone expects a gay man to start dating a woman one day. there's so much pressure for women though to be "fluid" and really it's just lesbophobia. it's ok to only like women, you don't have to reach to call yourself queer or bi instead when it really doesn't fit.

[@luckystar6871]

these girls shouldn't generalize their experience. they don't know what it's like to be monosexual. this video really.... yikes. they're talking about "we have more love to giveeee!!!" but then their "open relationships" are only their boyfriend and then rotating random girls. if they have so much love to give, why not date multiple guys? why would it matter even what their gender is? because they want one of each. sadly this video does not do much to help stereotypes. idk.

[@QueerCollective]

There’s plenty of gays and lesbians that date the opposite sex before discovering their sexuality. Those relationships can be meaningful too even though they weren’t right for them. But of course, if a label doesn’t fit you don’t use it. If there’s a label you want to try then try it. That’s all we’re really saying here.

[@luckystar6871]

@@QueerCollective there's a difference between the spectrum argument and just figuring out what label fits best, if any. of course it's totally fine to experiment, even if you end up being wrong. it's very complex and we're all influenced by heteronormativity so it's hard to think clearly about your true feelings especially when you're young. totally fine. not what i'm talking about at all. my point is that for someone who has discovered they ARE monosexual (aka straight or gay), it's not a spectrum. it's static. straight people aren't going to go through phases of liking the same sex and gay people won't start liking the the opposite. think about your gay male friends, you seriously think any of them would starting liking women? of course not. same for lesbians. being confused does not equate to the spectrum argument, two separate things. some people experience it as a spectrum but to generalize that all people do is very harmful. it's used to shame lesbians out of identifying as such. a lot of people who are lesbians call themselves queer or bi because they don't want to seem regressive, which is a problem. i don't want to be an asshole here but you got a lot of feedback on this, maybe do more research instead of being defensive of any critical comment. thanks for the reply.

[@QueerCollective]

I get what you’re saying here and some people are static on their identity which is absolutely okay. It’s whatever works for you. All we’re really getting at here is we can’t exclude others from using or testing out the label and then change it, or that some people just prefer using the label, or to exclude non-binary people or trans people from using such labels. I (Karbon) identify as a lesbian. That is static for me and I don’t see that changing. I also call myself queer because I use it as an umbrella term for everything under the rainbow. I don’t think it’s harmful for others to try on labels as they please. It does not change nor erase my identity. I hope that makes sense and adds context

[@luckystar6871]

@@QueerCollective I'm not even talking about labels. I'm talking about the guests saying sexual orientation is spectrum and that it changes and people go through phases of liking men or women. blanket statement. it's not for everyone. if they said it's a spectrum for us, no problem. unfortunately these guests did not do a good job of busting any myths. lots of problematic stuff other than just that that other people already pointed out. i don't see this going anywhere though so whatever, bye lol.

[@jaelynellis6811]

why are the comments so negative lol?! loved this episode, really helpful conversation to hear other people’s struggles with how their bi identities fit into the queer community ❤

[@QueerCollective]

Ahaha that’s KZbin for you 🙃 thanks for the positivity we’re so glad you enjoyed. We keep creating for people like you 💗🫶.

[@morindahoelzle559]

i'm not bisexual but im pan and i could just feel my chest tighten when specific topics came up because of all the yrs of biphobia i experiences as a kid. and for some reason i don't experience that as a pan person? its so weird. cuz i see everyone as a mix of masc and fem in different proportions regardless of gender or sex so why am i sudden now valid??!

[@tracyhill6166]

I used to think I was special because I'm truly bisexual but now I realize that it's just a curse because that means no one person will ever be enough. Perhaps I'm jaded with myself. Also, I think helpful terms are heteroflexible and homoflexible, which helps to put a marker on the spectrum of how homosexual you actually are.

[@QueerCollective]

Thank you for sharing. I think every sexuality could be viewed as both a blessing and a curse depending on how you soon it but at the end of the day you are who you are and we gotta work within our means. It’s absolutely possible to find someone(s) that are the right fit for you 💕

[@andrew20146]

I feel like there is a lot of conflation of bisexuality and polyamory in this episode. Lots of bi folks are not poly.

[@QueerCollective]

Correct, and we do mention that, but since a lot of our guests here are in open relationships we thought it would be appropriate to speak to it based on their experience.

[@andrew20146]

@@QueerCollective It's fair to talk about it, but I find it confuses folks unfamiliar with bisexuality.

[@mel48683]

I'd like to know where the shirt with the bisexual colors is from I would like to buy one :) thank you!

[@masterstl]

I've kissed my male friends in a drinking game, while they weren't great kissers I did enjoy it. Lol

[@QueerCollective]

We love our bi guys 💕

[@masterstl]

@@QueerCollective ❤️

[@Kiradoll]

Please work out whatever issues you have about being bisexual without bringing lesbians into it.

[@QueerCollective]

Sharing/talking about an experience is not the same as having an issue with a group of people

[@SladeL]

@@QueerCollective but you are not listening to what lesbians here are saying to you. I never understand this, we dont talk for bisexual women, yet bisexuals within the LGBTQ community always talk about us, appropriate us and when we say something you lecture us. Absolutely appalling. This is not inclusion nor diversity. This is authoritarian.

[@QueerCollective]

There was no talk of the generalization of lesbians? One person shared one individual lived experience yet you feel threatened by it even though they weren’t talking about you and it has nothing to do with you. Why get bothered at all?

[@SladeL]

@@QueerCollective being a lesbian is being only sexually and romantically attracted to women of our own biological female sex. It is not a 'lived experience' non lesbians can have.

[@daniellelicht5093]

we will when you guys stop being biphobic

[@ohsillybeans]

What a great topic especially during Bi visibility month! I always felt like I was never gay enough in a sense to be accepted into the community as a Bi women.

[@QueerCollective]

Glad you enjoyed! Labels are all made up and sexuality is a spectrum so be whoever you want and love who you love 💕 you are enough

[@Emma-dl6wg]

You don't feel gay enough because you are not gay. Hope it helps. Homosexuals don't have this problem ;)

[@Rboym]

Y’all are wonderful! Thank you for the work you’re doing and the lights you are, on both sides of the table! Excited for more podcasts and more events 🥰🥰🥰

[@QueerCollective]

Yay!! Thank you so much for watching 💕

[@flowersgurl403]

the lesbophobia is sooo jarring omg also being a bi lesbian is not real pls sort out your internalised biphobia because its offensive to both lesbians and bisexuals

[@QueerCollective]

Hey! Emily here. No one needs to explain their identity but since I opened up this discussion publicly I will. I’ve spent many years bouncing back and forth between identifying as bi and as a lesbian separately because my interest and attraction for men can go from 0% for long periods of time and can definitely go back up. At the end of the day I feel like I identify with both and feel good and affirmed when people refer to me as either. It works better for me to come up with a label that affirms how I feel rather than fighting it and always trying to fit into specifically designed boxes that don’t feel right for me.

[@flowersgurl403]

@@QueerCollective white queers love adding more labels to feel more oppressed how sad

[@Yuritsuki666]

​@@QueerCollective Just look at dictionary what 'lesbian' mean (spoiler alert" by definition is exclusive to ONLY women), then start wrote such bs. Your self-identification doesn't mean it's real in sense that other people will look at you at the same way, because you just 'want to be in both communities', and do exactly that EXCLUDES you from one of the community. I agree with @flowersgurl403 - you're pure lesbophobic 😁😁

[@Rboym]

It makes me sad you feel this way. As a bisexual man I know I have a lot of internalized phobias towards myself and different aspects of the queer community that I have to work on. I have had both positive and negative experiences with queer individuals identified as many different things. If someone is doing their best to be honest and open about sharing their experience we should try and encourage them not invalidate them. Finding expression is messy. I hope these conversations help you to continue to open your heart in grace and love to everyone in the queer community. We all have wounds and hurts, we all have flaws, we all need love, inclusion and support. Someone else having their experience validated does not mean your unique experiences and challenges aren’t valid. Peace and love! Rylan

[@emma-lv7hn]

​@QueerCollective you are a homophobic bisexual woman go treat yourself

[@Sky-larkascending7777]

I can never understand why any female would prefer a male as primary partner if she is financially affluent.

[@kierafernandes4111]

A lot of lesbian talk but I’m not seeing any lesbians 😅

[@eoiny]

Right? They all expressed an interest in men to some degree..? I know many lesbians and none of them have this internal conflict over an attraction to men, it just doesn’t exist within them. It’s not from man-hating either, the attraction or consideration of men just does not exist… much in the same way I’ve no attraction to women. It’s totally fine to be bi, they should embrace it and celebrate it instead of over philosophising something that’s really quite simple and non-complex.

[@QueerCollective]

There quite literally was a lesbian present in the front row lol

[@SladeL]

@@QueerCollective you dont understand female homosexuality.

[@kierafernandes4111]

⁠@@QueerCollectiveu mean the “ bi lesbian?” Yeah that doesn’t count

[@Toast-un2gd]

@@QueerCollective lesbians have no interest in men , stop fetishising homosexual women creep.

[@easternstar9372]

This is why people think bi women are cheaters. I get it you found out ur bi in a 8 year relationship with a man, but that doesn’t mean u have to go out and sleep with another person. You kinda ruined your 8year relationship. It’s sad really. I’m bisexual in a heterosexual relationship but I would never get with someone else just to experience a certain genital. That’s weird and greedy. Non monogamous relationships are beautiful too, but the way they went about it is not how it’s done.

[@Justhppy2behere]

i wish more people would bring up the existence of aro/ace people when discussing the topics surrounding specific sexualities-as this group is often left out of these queer conversations. it can be really isolating to those who experience little romantic or sexual attraction to hear about their identity when the conversation is consistently surrounded by the concept of sex and relationships, as they currently are so intertwined within the topic of sexuality. it makes them feel as though they aren’t part of the group, or like they can’t possibly be bi because they don’t experience sexual attraction. and i’m not saying y’all did that, but just to be open minded about the language you use and how you choose to communicate the topic, so it includes everyone in the community! bi aro/ace people exist and need to be included when discussing bisexuality!! as they are just as valid as any other member of the bi community. (: edit: as a suggestion, maybe including an aro/ace person in your panel when discussing these topics would allow for better representation & a broader perspective on the sexuality being discussed

[@QueerCollective]

This is great feedback! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. We've been searching for the right Aro/Ace guest(s) in Toronto so we can do an entire dedicated episode as well. Hope you keep listening & thanks again for sharing

[@margaretmeservey703]

I knew i liked women when i was 8 n my uncle had nasty mags in his bathroom n i was in there for hours feeling a certain way down there by looking at the pictures . Im bi been married to a man for 20 years 8 kids n now looking at poly relationship s not just for sex but because ive always wanted more love n with a women n the man i love.

[@QueerCollective]

It’s never too late to realize who you are and be true to yourself 💕

[@AutumnLeaves_011]

The moment y’all said something about being a “bi-lesbian” I unsubscribed. Disappointed in yall

[@QueerCollective]

@@AutumnLeaves_011 👋

[@Victori.A1]

2:26 that's called bi privilege

[@QueerCollective]

I don't think that's necessarily bi privilege as much as it is a loving parent.

[@Victori.A1]

@@QueerCollective it's typically easier for parents to accept a bi kid than a gay/lesbian kid because there's still a chance they'll end up with the opposite s3x (which they usually do), thus bi privilege

[@AutumnLeaves_011]

Dear lawd

[@ambarmorales3558]

YESSSS EMILY!! Bisexual lesbian!! I identify as a pansexual lesbian! Gender is not a factor of who I love and I'm currently in a relationship with a beautiful kind cis man but most of my attraction and identity is closer to a lesbian/saphhic therefore pansexual lesbian jajajajaja I love the mix of labels to just help us figure out what feels most authentic to us! I love how Erin Ekins describe the mix of labels in the book Queerly Autistic (which is targeted to the autistic community) but she pretty much describes being queer and all the labels in such an interesting refreshing way

[@QueerCollective]

Hell yea! Thanks so much for commenting . Everything is made up, be whatever you want 💗. We’ll definitely check out the book! 💗😙

[@flowersgurl403]

bisexual lesbian isnt real omg why do white queers do this u lot love adding more labels to feel more oppressed

[@Yuritsuki666]

Just look at dictionary what 'lesbian' mean (spoiler alert" by definition is exclusive to ONLY women), then start wrote such bs. If the attraction to women is dominant there are other words that can PERFECTLY describe it: sapphic, WLW, gynophilic and so more. Good luck with that!

[@gduekgdgbgeiucg]

You're absolutely delusional

[@kierafernandes4111]

Mixed labels 😂😂

[@Minneolaos]

It's not queer enough because it's too common and does not mean any inability ... But as lesbian and gay were popularized and stigma was removed, a tonne of people thought maybe they can have some fun sometime