Is niceness overrated and misunderstood?

[@stephenn3727]

This was absolutely brilliant! Thank you

[@philosophywithaview]

you're just being nice! ha.

[@a.jlondon9039]

I find the nicest people in public are the most miserable and mean people in private.

[@philosophywithaview]

yeah i have that experience too!

[@BobMcGowan-NotTheChairCircle]

When I feel that I am getting into conversational 'hot water' I often say "I don't feel that I am qualified to give an opinion (on the subject). Would you consider that 'nice' behaviour or just evasive? I usually say this when I know that my actual opinion would cause offence. If the subject is something that I feel strongly about, however, I go straight ahead and answer honestly. Is that , then, not being nice?

[@philosophywithaview]

I personally wouldn't consider that evasive or nice, but rather perfectly appropriate. I do the same when I have no expertise whatsoever on the topic under consideration!

[@sp123]

The problem with the nice vs not nice discourse is failure to consider hierarchy in why someone may choose one over the other. Someone can be not nice and correct, but if the social order is against him, he will be punished and may suffer unfair consequences. Being not nice without any special talent or status means being kicked out of the village and having to find another community.

[@philosophywithaview]

interesting, thanks for the contribution!

[@MidnightBibleStudy]

Maybe the nicest guy I ever knew said yes to everyone. We worked together as leasing agents. One man flew around the world from Thailand based on him saying, "Yes, we will reserve that unit for your daughter." So, of course, my agreeable friend was not working when this guy flies in. I get to tell him that the unit was already rented out. He was not nice, to say the least. He put on an epic fit. Similar situations happened many times because my friend was too nice to say no. Nevertheless, I still liked him. He was so nice it was impossible to be angry with him.

[@MidnightBibleStudy]

I'd rather have some shallow, friendly words than have to deal with a narcissist or a rude, argumentative person. I don't care if a nice person is sincere. Just put on a half-decent act. Show me a fake smile and speak empty niceties in a friendly tone.

[@philosophywithaview]

Ha. I guess that's one benefit to being nice! Thanks for the anecdote!

[@philosophywithaview]

@@MidnightBibleStudy I agree with the narcissist part!

[@plf5695]

I'm always naturally nice because it's my nature to be so, but also in order to avoid confrontation because I know that the great majority of people have fixed ideas and beliefs that can't be changed. With such people, I'm nice, but I don't engage in discussions. It's a sort of self-defense mechanism or awareness of what people are like. Niceness has many shades. It can be hypocrisy, self interests like those who are nice to gain something, Or shyness, hypersensitivity towards other people's feelings. In these two latter cases, it's a weakness thar interferesrfers with one's instinct of survival. As for finding out if I can debate or not with others, I have my subtle ways of knowing it immediately.

[@philosophywithaview]

@@plf5695 interesting distinctions! thanks!