Is the search for a "cohesive aesthetic" ruining your experience with style?

[@NoelleVianna]

I am commenting mid-video on the replay, but when you asked where the belief that I need a cohesive aesthetic came from, it brought up a specific memory. I used to work in the beauty industry and I remember that in school, a teacher said we needed to have a cohesive aesthetic in our personal style, otherwise we wouldn’t attract clients because we would appear to be “indecisive” or “messy”. Although I don’t think that was even true for that industry anyway, I don’t even work in that field anymore and those words still haunt my subconscious over 10 years later! This was during the start of people beginning to consider themselves, as a person, a brand, and this sort of messaging was prevalent then and I believe continues to be prevalent today.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Omg yes!! The need for a cohesive personal brand Helpful to keep in mind the difference between a person and a brand A brand only has value if it generates sales. It needs to stand out to capture consumers. A person may also want to "sell" their reputation, talent, etc. But a person's value is not only related to whether they sell. We are also having a constant experience of ourselves which provides us with incredible value So even if nobody wants to "buy" the way you look, the way you look may have immense value - not true for a brand. For a person "being liked" by a select few people may be immensely more valuable than pleasing everyone, because we derive value not through a price tag but through the quality of connection to others.

[@ricoco450]

I’ve been using the Moonstone logic (sweetheart and explorer). I had been having really great success with my super versatile and cohesive wardrobe of soft muted colors. It’s made it easier to get dressed and supports me by reducing overwhelm. Then I fell head over heels for a hot pink jumpsuit with cheetahs and Palm Trees and had an identity crisis trying to decide to keep or return it. After a lot of soul searching and outfit creating, I decided to keep it. Even though 90% of the time I love my outfits to be refined, dreamy, understated and easy, 10% of the time I want to be loud and bold. Both parts of me are true and I can’t deny one in favor of the other.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Okay thank you SO MUCH for bringing this up, wanted to talk about this in stream but didn't want to overcomplicate I think to build a healthy relation with "cohesive" it really helps to do exactly what you said, to think in percentages. Like, "60% of my wardrobe is edgy creative bold and the other 40% is a mix of whatever" - or whahever percentage works for you as a person And giving yourself grace, celebrating your different dimensions!!! We love Dimensions in other people, why should we devalue it in ourselves?

[@CuratedClothier]

Yes! I relate 💯 But I think for these kind of pieces a jumpsuit is perfect because it’s a “one and done” and it doesn’t have to work with anything else in your closet really. (Except shoes)

[@nataschavoll6449]

I think this belief comes from capsule wardrobes, where you do more mixing more easily with a harmonious style and colour palette

[@Lienna-]

It's really so much easier to have a small wardrobe if all clothes are the same aesthetic

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Yeah when it works, it works! But it doesn't work for everyone and it's not a must do

[@astridmarielarsen9670]

That was exactly what I was thinking when asked where the idea came from; have a capsule wardrobe with a coherent aesthetic = less shopping and less stress. Or so I thought, but in reality it was kind of the opposite effect for me.

[@spacebar9733]

I’ve been coming up with ways to mix and match clothes within a capsule wardrobe to still have multiple aesthetics and it has been SUCH a fun challenge to me. I haven’t bought these clothes they’re just small digital collages but it’s so fun to see how I can mix and match a few pieces to create a cohesive single aesthetic outfit while still having color bc I’m a bright spring.

[@clairewillow6475]

I tried doing this and realized that I like bein an outfit repeater and NOT mixing and matching! Just because if I know a certain bottom goes really well with a certain top it bothers me to use that top with a bottom that doesn’t work as well 😂

[@carpediem8855]

I think for me having a cohesive aesthetic or signature style as you define it, is like you said for Sarah 6:42 ‘she looks like Sarah, her aesthetic is Sarah’. For me that's the ultimate goal of having a signature style; an effortless communication of authenticity. Not forcibly pushing yourself into social labels of style, trends or aesthetics out there, which if you break it down is primal-ly about providing a sense of social identification and belonging. I think however that aesthetics can just simply be fun starting points of exploration for one’s signature style, for one’s own communication of authenticity. Another thing that might help I agree with and might be the problem to try to resolve is the association of your self-worth with the aesthetics out there. Thank you for highlighting that. It is such a helpful remember to try and separate the two

[@carpediem8855]

*our self-worth

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Yes I think aesthetics are a wonderful way of starting to explore style or just being exposed to fun new ideas that one can recreate in their own way - you know from my channel that I like seeing style from that lens! As you say, the goal is just not to get stuck on grading yourself by how well you stick to it

[@Lienna-]

I gave away so many nice clothes through years because I thought I don't like this aesthetic anymore 😭 aaand the cycle repeats again and again

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

And then you miss those clothes 🫠

[@Lienna-]

​@@StyleThoughtsbyRita I cried yesterday because I miss my wide leg satin pants 😢

[@NoelleVianna]

This has happened to me too. After selling a faux Sherpa jacket that I dearly miss every fall now, I learned to accept that my aesthetic is cyclical and that I should pack things away and not sell them unless it’s been a full year or two and I haven’t wanted to wear them.

[@m.jackson6802]

Thanks for this stream! It's honestly still a tough message to internalize, the idea that i don't need a cohesive wardrobe in order to have "authentic" personal style. I do struggle with feeling that I'm too flighty and fragmented, as if i'm only interested in clothes because of outside influence. But then the thought of having one cohesive signature anything immediately feels stifling and limiting. As a Leftie (recently conflicted btwn Up and Down), it's important to hear I can be real and honest in my expression without Niching Down. I relate sooo hard to internalizing messages from style folks that say a cohesive wardrobe is key for a truly memorable, authentic style. Not gonna lie, that is partly what's had me in a style slump these past few months. For now, i've stepped away from style content (except for some of your streams c:) bc it's all too exhausting. Thanks again Rita!

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

"exhausting" is the right word I think most people mean well when giving advice but I think a lot of advice can make you feel like you need to completely reinvent the way you are before you can feel good and enjoy style When you get that heavy feel, it's good to do what you do, step away, and connect more with what actually feels good and seems true to you I think our best style does push us to grow as people but it's a different type of discomfort than the discomfort of trying to be something we're not, of trying to polish down our edges to fit into someone else's vision

[@Kloudysummer]

When you nerd out and dissect things like the forces at play - I know you worry that it's too much, but IT'S MY FAVE. I don't even notice time passing, I'm too into it. My cohesion urge was actually started when a colleague came up to me years ago and commented on my inconsistent outfits. 😂 "Yesterday you were wearing shorts, and today it's a flowy full length skirt. What is your wardrobe like?" Well, yesterday was 36°c, and today I can only tolerate this office if I feel like Anne of green gables. 😂

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Thank you, the encouragement helps me ❤️ I have a similar story but not on the same topic, some girl "confronted" me in SIXTH GRADE about wearing the same skirt on Friday as on Monday and I remember it 23 years later because like.... It was just so strange? Why wouldn't one repeat skirt after a weekend? How many skirts was I supposed to be owning?

[@Linda-ht1ys]

Loved the comment:" springclean the mind". I feel in this day and age there is a push for us all to be the same somehow. I don't agree with that. I like how you help us remember who we truely are and to be comfortable with that knowing we are enough in this world. I am a moonstone and feel best when I listen to myself and keep thins simple. Simple and luminous is where I'm at.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

I agree that there is a big push to be the same somehow, I definitely feel that in some vague way Partially it is because where I live people dress in a very uniform way But I also think online retailers and influencers want to look "current and attractive" which has a homogenizing influence

[@herecomesthesun21]

​​​@@StyleThoughtsbyRita about this topic, please Rita could you make a video where you talk about relating to trends! I'm a very intuitive person and I feel this huge push to be trendy in the "right" way and just generally very trendy, there is a strong belief around me that you can't look cool/ attractive/ relevant etc. if you are not trendy enough. It really makes me feel inadequate, because being trendy has never been my strength in style. Lately I've really noticed that it affects my style confidence. It has never really been a problem before, I think it has to do with this general athmosphere, because I'm very sensitive to the vibes around me. I don't know how to deprogram myself from this! I would be so happy to hear your thoughts about this. 💚

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

@@herecomesthesun21 omg I love this idea so much thank you I will definitely talk about this soon

[@herecomesthesun21]

@@StyleThoughtsbyRita oh that's great, so happy to hear that you liked the idea! 😍🙏💛

[@Linda-ht1ys]

@@StyleThoughtsbyRita I suppose they wat us to consume. That's why I love your approach because you encourage us yes to feel current but in our own unique way and not to just sell out and become one of the many doing the same thing. Wanted to say you have such a genuine smile in your lives. Such a ray of sunshine. Thanks for all that you do.

[@TinaB.-fr1hl]

Just to emphasize your point...back in her day, Madonna was a major celebrity and fashion icon ,even though she was all over the style map. She changed her image with every new album. And anyone who was around back then knows there was nothing forgettable about Madonna! Her example flies in the face of the idea we need a cohesive style and "brand"

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Omg yes such a great point about Madonna! I guess Taylor swift and her "eras" is the contemporary equivalent of this Thank you for bringing it up, it is also really interesting to consider how people's style shifts over time and that this can be super iconic and not perceived as messy or whahever

[@KDevilgal]

For the cohesive aesthetic, think my reasoning was I wouldn’t spend as much on clothes because I would have a wardrobe where everything was generally coordinated. But eventually I accepted that would never truly work for me, because I also change hair colors every few months. I know that I crave variety and having a well-rounded wardrobe with multiple aesthetics makes it less likely that I’m going to feel I need to purchase more.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Yeah it makes a lot of sense in theory but it just doesn't work for many people I'm glad you focused on what actually works for you

[@loveleekorean_]

Zendaya was the perfect example. You sold me. As you typed me as being able to go into the wildflower, you've given me some food for thought. Thanks!!

[@EmL-kg5gn]

Thank you 💕 I really wanted a cohesive aesthetic to reduce my spending for financial and environmental reasons. But working against myself probably won’t give me the results I want even if it can be a really good strategy in theory! I also had no idea how much I needed to hear this, for me my love of novelty is part of adhd so it’s tied to a lot of shame. And being adaptable and able to learn how to fit in in different environments has also been a trait that bothered a lot of people in my life, it made me hard for them to control. They’d think they finally had control over me because I’d blended in and adjusted to the pressure, but then I could just as easily transform again into something they disapproved of. People in the cult I grew up in singled me out for a lot of the shaming and stuff that comes with modesty/purity culture and I think I really frustrated them because they’d think they’d got through to me only for me to do something else they disapproved of. Or they’d hear about how I’d dressed “immodestly” when I was out with friends. I never agreed with them, I’d just learnt not to do it at church because I hated the sexual harassment disguised as religious encouragement that I received

[@EmL-kg5gn]

I forgot to edit this before commenting, but long story short I didn’t realise how much shame I’d experienced for being adaptable and how much that affected how I feel about my style and I really appreciate your kind words 🥹

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

You are so powerful to be able to find your truth even when all these layers of important people around you try to keep you down ❤️ heroic I also want to add that I think the impulse of "have one style to buy less stuff" definitely makes sense, and when it works, it works - but we can have a manageable or sustainable wardrobe with a variety of styles as well, so I'm glad you're giving yourself permission to find your own way and celebrate your different facets!

[@EmL-kg5gn]

@@StyleThoughtsbyRita Thank you 💕 I’ve always had at least a few amazing friends wherever I’ve gone so that really helps!!!!

[@AlexLouiseWest]

Lovely video, thank you. My life is very varied, but I realise there is a spectrum from the most ethereal, when all I have to do is sing, to much more natural and practical if I’m involved with sea, sand, mud, dog and cat hair… A lot of life is somewhere between the two. The True Summer palette is a constant.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

I love that you mentioned color - I do think that one way we can "unite" quite different styles and vibes (e.g. ethereal and natural) is by consistent style elements. Some people use a color palette, other people have a few recurring outfit templates, some people have preferred patterns or even a signature make-up style - it's so helpful to remember that "consistency" comes in many ways and not just through literally wearing the same style everyday

[@AlexLouiseWest]

@@StyleThoughtsbyRitagreat reply, thank you.

[@fleurbille7563]

That’s such a great video! What I really love about the Style Key is that it’s so freeing and open minded! Although I like to have a cohesive style (that I may change every few months) I still feel encouraged to go my way, forget rules that don’t make sense to me. Showing the advantage of a more flexible style is very unusual for a style system but so needed!

[@jasminmorley4644]

Thank you, Rita. This talk was fantastic. I'm a fairly cohesive dresser, but I still got so much out of what you said. Looking forward to next week

[@persikosaft]

Another banger video, Rita! I love when you get into all dat deep analyzing, gurl ❤️

[@NaomisInn]

Love this! I wanted a cohesive style or uniform to take the decisions out of shopping and getting dressed. But....I am what I am....thank u

[@juliahaighwood5645]

Thanks for this precious video! It really rings true to me and my situation ❤ and I think it will help me to let go and be more myself in the moment and trust that to create my own style/ brand/ mixture. And that that’s cool and enough.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Yay ❤️❤️❤️

[@Whisperkissper]

❤Whoah I'm realising now i also do the same thing with my hair! I am open and enjoy novelty and when i trust my flow and let myself have the hair style/colour/length that resonates at whatever place i am internally i ALWAYS love my hair and myself more. BUTTTT then i get in my head later and question and doubt myself and start frantically searching for the " correct hair colour style and length" all based on some external metric like height, season, personality, image id and i destroy all my own self confidence and just plain joy in being able to express my self in different ways by thinking/ believing I need to follow an external logic for how i should look. If its gets real bad I'll soon be months or years deep into a depressed state hiding out and having such a hard time just surviving. My hair will look lifeless and i will be fading away and then i use what little energy i have to try and figure out the right hairdo to solve my problem of not loving my appearance. i have literally been stuck for 8 years analysing myself to figure out why i feel so wrong. Rita your gift of clarity to intuit a system that highlights the reality that some of us are not served by looking outside first for answers, infact we, as my life proves are greatly harmed if we get stuck in that pattern, is like a message from angels descending from above to lift me out of darkness. And leaving behind lies like style and how you look don't matter to your sense of self and self perception are shaking the ground beneath my feet and toppling many prisons! I so appreciate your work and your brilliance.

[@gabyveronica429]

Thank you for making this video. I learned about your style system recently and love it because it’s intuitive and reminds me to stay true to myself. I was watching the videos with the goal of finding cohesive style, but this video was the message I needed. I’m influenced by so many things and I love that you’re telling us that is totally OK, all things I’m interested in make me me!

[@robertascazzari4016]

Thank you for the stream ❤ as a fashion entusiast, I played for ages with the idea of a cohesive style but always struggled to "execute" it perfectly, and felt bad about it. But what you said about Sarah was eye opening and I finally know why it was so difficult : as an Amethyst, my inner landscape is ever changing, and try to stick to just one aesthetic won't serve any purpose. Can't wait to follow your suggestions on focus on other thing that can help to create a sense of unity without commit on just one aesthetic.

[@Elle_Gael]

I was literally just praying that you would upload a video talking about cohesive style! Because I'm S.T.R.U.G.G.L.I.N.G with this. I use the Sapphire Key, predominately The Icon archetype and I'm really draw to classic, vintage styles. I'm at a stage in my life where I really yearn to embrace my femininity through softer feminine, and glamourous styles. But like also sometimes I want to channel my inner femme fatale or cool girl. 🤣 I've been so worried about giving people visual whiplash🤣🤣🤣 3 minutes in and it's already the style therapy I needed! Thank you Rita! ❤😭☺

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Okay I wanted to talk about this in the stream but didn't want to overcomplicate I think for many people who actually DO like a cohesive aesthetic but DON'T want to take it too far it's super important to give yourself space for that Let's say 60% is style 1 and 40% of the closet is a mix of different styles and options you like It doesn't take away from your aesthetic and it does NOT give people visual whiplash! I mean maybe if a person literally only meets you twice on two different style days, but then they will just think you are fun and experimental, they won't judge you for it either

[@kathrynknipe6615]

Love this!

[@chRizma]

Def needed this pep talk! 🙏🏽

[@morro8785]

What an amazing video! Thank you, Rita. I bet it's such a relief for the ones (incl. me) who are very open minded... 🙂

[@kristengilbert9749]

Thanks, I think a lot of usneeded to hear this!

[@bjulalula9537]

A few minutes in: oh, the cohesive aesthetic is not for me. Eye-opening!!!

[@nataschavoll6449]

Thanks for a great stream, Rita. It really resonated with me. I feel happier and more emgaged in myself and how I look when I get to mix it up, and go with how im feeling each day.... I think I'd get bored sticking to one esthetic....

[@deirdreruth9392]

I think the problem is when people think they need to adopt some pre-existing aesthetic, almost like a costume. Whereas a personal aesthetic you develop that reflects who you are is more flexible and can adapt to different moods/situations.

[@megcoe3326]

Rita this is so wholesome ❤

[@LeaFerrigni]

thank you:

[@KDevilgal]

You look like a classic painting!

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

*blushing*

[@JohannaJalonen]

I just know that I really need signature everything to feel secure and happy enough about my appeaeance. I also need antidepressants not to feel anxiously self conscious about my looks almost every second 🤔

[@JohannaJalonen]

And yes, Zendaya is a perfect example of a woman who does not need a coherent aesthetics to look great. With such a slim and tall body one looks great in every possible style or a potato sack. But most women are very far from that kind of figure 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@carolannf]

Love your blouse Rita!

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Thank you ❤️❤️

[@tatianavasilevskaia4913]

Loved the presentation, really freeing AND at the same time, isn't typology within each of your quadrants based on different aesthetics?

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

There are a wide variety of visual elements for each Quadrant, you can see in my aesthetic example videos or my celebrity guides the broad range of aesthetics within each group!

[@szfrj]

❤

[@nataschavoll6449]

Hey there, what a great video. Please drop me your other examples of stylish people without a consistent esthetic, THANKS ❤

[@KDevilgal]

My favorites are Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Cher, Miley Cyrus, Dua Lipa, and Sydney Sweeney.

[@StyleThoughtsbyRita]

Among celebrities, here are some people who are recognized for good style, but I don’t think they have any one ”cohesive style” - they might have some favorite style elements but their wear many different things. Left+Up / Amethyst Key Emma Mackey Dua Lipa Bella Hadid Vanessa Hudgens Rihanna Left+Down / Ruby Key Julia Roberts Olivia Munn Zendaya Kristen Stewart Maisie Williams Right+Up / Sapphire Key Olivia Culpo Hailey Bieber Hailee Steinfeld Millie Bobby Brown Anne Hathaway Right+Down/Moonstone Key Jennifer Lawrence Kristen Bell Gigi Hamid Leslie Mann Solange Ps this is not a full list, just some people I quickly grabbed from the Style Key Pinterest Do you want some influencer examples from Instagram?

[@hazbort]

I would love Instagrammer examples!

[@Rosesfor]

❤