Is your spouse a narcissist?

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Does your spouse have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? Today we interview  Bill Eddy, family law attorney, therapist and author of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.   You will learn the key symptoms of these disorders, and what you must do to protect yourself if your spouse has one of these disorders.  Listen to this great episode, and be sure to get further information from Bill below.   Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Amazon   Learn more about Bill Eddy at the High Conflict Institute: www.highconflictinstitute.com   Thank you for listening to the Divorce and Your Money Show. We hope the show helps you through one of the most difficult periods of your life. Shawn Leamon is also the author of Divorce and Your Money: The No-Nonsense Guide. One-on-one divorce-coaching services are available at www.divorceandyourmoney.com.   If you enjoyed the show, please take a moment to leave a review on iTunes, as it will help other people discover this free advice.   For a full transcript of this episode, visit us at www.divorceandyourmoney.com.

[@lovemagicandroad]

Yes indeed, my spouse is a Narc (NPD) with definite psychopathic features to boot, very manipulating and 😨controlling, may even be a full blown psychopath (antisocial personality disorder) 😱. No, I’m not imagining and I’ve got medical training. He’s definitely has a disorder. Tried for years to make me think it was my problem, “gas lighting”, and silent treatments, isolation, some of his favorite tactics. He’s got many. He even managed to have me feel sorry for him when I had cancer. How crazy is that! Now 5 years later as I’ve partially recovered but still not working, might be never be able to again and Im now over 60, he wants all the money I worked so diligently to earn and save towards retirement. I came in with money from my prior work and parents and he even threw out some of these boxed documents. I lived so frugally, packed lunches at my many jobs, while he ate out at restaurants daily...hid this from me. Hid behind and still hides behind a corporation. So he was lying all along, spent hours on electronics behind locked doors. For years on end. All devices carefully pass code protected. He also played dumb. Who knows how many infidelities he had or where he may be hiding assets from me. 🤥 A big black hole. 🥴 He’s machine like and plays victim to everyone including the kids. He’s very convincing. Fooled me for many years, but felt in my gut things were awry. He now wants as much money as he can grab and give nothing in return. Refuses to open books in his corporation. I hope everyone else out there is having a better marriage/divorce experience than I’m having! 🤔 Anyone out there who has advice for me is welcome to respond. I welcome all advice. The forensics are ordered, but still haven’t gotten all the info needed. Thanks! But I’m going to survive and then thrive. It’s not over yet. And I’m so so happy he chose to move out. What a wonderful world it is without this parasite in my life. Things are bright and happy! I’m sleeping better, less anxious. Relaxed, more energetic! I’m so happy now...yes, even while divorcing. 😀👍👍

[@fayechamp4156]

lovemagicandroad Bless you

[@stealthwarrior5768]

I can really relate to everything you have written. Married 32 years. He was furious and cruel when I was diagnosed with cancer. Scum of the earth narcassistic man. Everyone around me felt sorry for him. They felt sorry for him while he spent 15 years drinking and being physically and mentally abusive towards me and his co workers ( yes indeed these narcassist can have violent rages at work and leave their jobs with glowing refernces because everyone wants them to leave without more trouble). I'm pleased you are divorcing him and all I can say is take good care of yourself and your health. If you have not been to therapy before and are considering it be very careful who you see. Most therapists do not seem to understand what these people are like and will actually help them gaslight you. Please destroy him before he destroys you. Good luck and God Bless

[@gemcove5783]

I am in your same boat. 23 yr marriage…attacked our son & was arrested. He wasn’t banking on me wanting a divorce or going no contact. I stayed in the abusive Narc marriage for my son & am divorcing him for both of our safety. He was arrested again months later 1 mile away with guns, ppl & body armor. He’s a collapsed Narc now. Alcoholic drug user who is playing the victim for the Judges but not winning them over so far. He abandoned us financially causing me to go on food stamps & food banks while he is living both in Florida & Vermont Purchased during the marriage part of the future faking. We live in fear everyday because he has been a criminal & con artist. Used to brag about getting away with crimes because he was too smart to get caught. We exposed him for what he is. It’s a BATTLE everyday to stay focused & grounded. I feel U & your struggle. Hope for the BEST outcome for the both of us. 💯💜

[@lovemagicandroad]

@@gemcove5783 Wow, about the guns and armor, how scary. And some men do go berserk, so don’t take it lightly. It’s seems it’s mostly young males who kill family and then themselves, but I’d not rule out middle age, I’m assuming he’s at least 40s. So have all security set up that you can afford. So sorry you have to go through that. Mine I don’t think is in line with quite that level of violence, he’s a CPA, has a lot to lose, but has had fits of rage where he broke things in the house, scratched my car etc. Got arrested when my arm got bruised over a struggle for his cellphone, he claimed it was broken he didn’t answered night before, so I asked to see it and he defended it with his life (obviously had a lot to hide, or maybe that was acting too, who knows, then he called 911 on me, a 57 yo woman 5’4” on disability, he a 45 yr old 6 ft male (who was he kidding) and they found a bruise on my arm and he got arrested. His sister and his whole family then went on to blame me for the incident, I’m sure he totally lied to them. He probably didn’t even tell them he was the one who called police. What a crazy stupid thing to do! Yes play victim is his specialty too. Our entire marriage and then when he moved out he took 1 squeaky air mattress to use in his rented apt. Then he could show our sons how he suffered and since he’s the victim, then the aggressor and evil one has to be the other partner: mom. Who doesn’t play victim and stayed in the large posh house. Cancer or not, he doesn’t care! And he still wants as much money as possible, doesn’t care if I become homeless. Our divorce not finished yet. He left end Dec 2018, so going on 4 years. I cycled through 4 attys, many incompetent or unavailable. The last one, my 5th I like, but now she got COVID. So currently also unavailable and ridiculously expensive.

[@lovemagicandroad]

@@gemcove5783 And a collapsed Narc, who’s also an abuser might be even more dangerous, like maybe feels he has lost it all and has nothing left to lose. Does he love his son. Stupid question since Narcs can’t really love. Guess the better Q is, does he think he loves his son? It might be the only thing he has left. Yes I also stayed for my sons sake, 3 of them. But I hurt myself and them in the process and wasted years of my life. Wishing you the best, wherever you are. I’m in SoCal, for now anyway. Hugs and Blessings to you. 🙏🏻 Happy Thanksgiving! 🍁🍽

[@charlenelawshea3404]

🤷‍♀️My husband fits that all of the way. Borderline and it is like being on a rollercoaster, and he has put his hands on me and called me names. And he blames me for everything that go's wrong and he does nothing wrong nore does he apologized for anything. So I know that he is I really enjoyed this thank you ☺👍

[@marilynd677]

Note: 21:50 take 50% don't liquidate ! Great advice! Alienation of the parent is never acceptable. Your Atty can make or break your sanity in your divorce process. It is the most important decision you will ever make in your divorce.

[@lovemagicandroad]

Marilyn D Awful experience with attorneys. I’ve been to over 7 attorneys, not really fully happy when any of them. One kicked me out the door when she suspected I’d not disclose every pre-marital penny and every little detail to my criminal ASPD spouse. Then an Atty who did Collaborative law, but didn’t listen to what I said about my spouse (only wanted to hear himself talking) and then finally let go of the case after weeks of wasting my time. He should’ve figured it out at the first or second visit. Charged for every little thing, accomplished nothing. Really liked the Mediator we had both agreed on, but then he went ahead and started litigation instead, behind my back, so couldn’t use her. Oh well. Now he’s agreed to consider Mediation again (after I emailed him that he’d be better off, as my new atty said I hold the cards and wants to destroy him in court). And it could drag on for years. Hope we will mediate and get it over with. I just want it over with.

[@lovemagicandroad]

EXACTLY! In a 20 year long way too long relationship with a Narc man, and yes he alienated ALL 3 kids against me. One of my sons use the EXACT SAME language as him, verbatim! Wow. It’s so shocking how they can can turn sweet little innocent kids into monsters like themselves. What I need is a super good therapist who can work with my 3 sons and see if it’s not too late to turn them around into normal feeling empathic sweet good natured human beings. Is it too late at 15, 17 and 18? (3 boys)

[@fayechamp4156]

lovemagicandroad my husband did the same Married 19 years to a cleaver Narcissist man. He have brain washed our boys. The baby boy 16 is just like him in all ways. My husband left me for another woman and now wants most of everything. I’m not having fear. God is in control it just got divorce papers Friday

[@xoxo-vp7ww]

😢

[@lovemagicandroad]

Parental Alienation. Those 4 items can’t be implicated by a Targeted parent (me) once it’s occurred and kids don’t listen to you anymore.

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

I am not married or even in a relationship, but I learn something from every video of yours that I have watched. Thank you for taking the time to put them out here.

[@crazy4cavy299]

Right on Connie!!! You are being smart so you don't have to learn it the hard way!!! Kickass! :)

[@tinacraft303]

Ther is never a fight with a Narrisses. Because they don't have conversations.

[@fthiadam9457]

Thanks You are supper I realy benefit I filed for divorce and my spose filed a CPO as if i was running after by knife. Although it was 100% lies, i was shocked and i do not know what to expect in the court. now i know what to do

[@andresherrera4158]

Teaching kids about toxic behavior in my case has been challenging because almost immediately makes the connection and makes reference to the other parent. And I can't say yes, but I can't say no either. When their emotions get questioned same thing, I can't acknowledge that what she feels is normal nor negate her feelings since she's learning to identify them at this age. She's 8. I feel terrible every time something goes bad at home with mommy and I don't want her to learn or normalize what's going on, and at the same time I can't tell her that it's abusive but there's nothing i can do to get her out. "i was waiting for you to come for me, she told me the last time i was kicked out of the house, but you never came. Those words cut through my heart like knives on butter.

[@lovemagicandroad]

I’m so sorry you have to go through that. Parental Alienation is so cruel to both child and Targeted parent (you!). I guess the only solace now is that in a few years she’ll be old enough to leave on her own. And you can hope to reconnect then. So don’t give up. Just show her a nice time fun loving closeness when you’re together. At least you get to see her, and she longs for you. So that’s a good thing, some don’t have any access to their kids.

[@tinacraft303]

YES

[@cedricjeffers7444]

Yes

[@monicaAdkins1207]

I just read the book, so many great tips, and advice. I highly recommend it.

[@Wildchile]

100%

[@tinacraft303]

PROFESINAL