AITA for Starting My Wedding ON TIME?!

[@jaz9915]

3:34 my mom is late for EVERYTHING - work, events, all of it. She showed up to my wedding venue early. Was she still late to pictures and stuff? Yes. But I took it as a miracle that she was even there and ready, the 3 minutes it took to track her down and drag her to pictures was not a problem. That being said, I would have started without her if she had been late

[@musicalnomad8]

I’m thinking that the reason they got it time stamped is because they knew it would be an issue and they probably have been gaslit by their parents before. The only time I ever would document something like that is if I had been gaslit a whole bunch of times in the past and was sick of it.

[@hollyperry3570]

My father is one of those people who struggled with chronic lateness. I told him that if he was late on my wedding day, my uncle would walk me down the aisle instead. He was on time.

[@memyself4627]

This makeup looks so good on you!!! And wow imagine your parents having the audacity to give you a hard time at YOUR wedding after they let YOU down. That must have hurt no matter how prepared they were.

[@joyfulinhope1210]

I’m honestly 5-10 minutes late most places I go. When my daughter got married last month I specifically planned to get there an hour before the ceremony-that way when I was inevitably five minutes late-I was still plenty early! That’s too important an event as a mother to not be on time.

[@EileenGallia]

ADHD does affect your perception of time. I put a lot of effort in to managing, and I do manage accommodations when able. I don't expect people to change their even for me, however. I recognize this is my disorder to deal with. And my own children's wedding? I will be there 5 hours early, to make sure there is no issues.

[@ablthomas37]

I constantly have to set alarms to help me make sure I get to places on time and to remember to do things at a particular point in the day. It's just part of being an adult

[@s.a.4358]

This! If you know you have an issue with punctuality, take steps to mitigate that. Especially for a situation like a weding where not only are there a lot of people there and it might even be a planning issue. The person officiating the wedding may have other appointments after. Where I live you actually get a time slot for a courthouse wedding and it is not uncommon that a few weddings may be happening that day, especially during popular wedding months.

[@Yaya-iu3uy]

Thank you for being not only self aware but responsible as well as reasonable. we need more ppl like this

[@KeaniSoa]

Couldn't agree more. Adhd is a pain in the butt when it comes to be on time. But when you care about the person/the appointment, you do everything in your power be there even if it means for you to arrive 2 hours early. Especially at your kids' wedding.

[@NiveaCow]

SAME. I plan on being late everyday (as in I have a job that doesn't require me to be on time, I can start whenever, tell everyone I struggle with it when we plan to meet up for coffee etc.) but for special occasions (important exams, doctor's appointments, weddings, stuff that happens once every few months tops) I just arrive an hour or two early. Especially my kid's wedding. What the hell. I'd sleep in the venue the night before lol.

[@eustacia03]

Regarding lateness as a neurological issue - it's called time blindness; it's an ADHD symptom. Many people with ADHD can't sense the passage of time and have to use alarms and pop up reminders for basically everything in order to run even close to on time. In my experience people who have this issue are aware that it is a problem and pretty understanding that people will not delay anything important for them. They definitely don't get defensive and lie about how late they were.

[@26Sundrops]

Agreed, my officiant actually has ADHD and is chronically late because she gets derailed on her journey through getting ready and going to an event. But I still made her our officiant because ADHD doesn't make you incapable of being on time. You find sometimes unconventional ways to show up on time for things that matter.

[@meganchambers8108]

I definitely understand that this is an issue, but I have experienced first-hand from relatives that sometimes it is simply an issue of selfishness. I know someone who will full-well know what time it is and still choose to sit in the bath longer than needed or stop off for snacks / drinks on the way under the justification "Oh it's fine! And if you think it's NOT fine, then you are stuck up and rude!" That being said, I told this person that everything wedding-related started 30 min before it actually did, because I know how they are.

[@racheldavin7763]

I'm on the Spectrum & have time blindness. I also have 6 alarms set on my phone to make sure I get out the door on time.

[@happening_quietly]

I have adhd but I would NEVER act like these parents. I would’ve set timers. If I were late, I’d be late to being on time if that makes sense. Like I’d try to be there 15 minutes early and might get there just in time to sit, if anything

[@alexisg7644]

My parents both have adhd and don’t consider lateness rude. I grew up not really understanding why people were irritated with us when we’d get places. I missed out on things like eating at events because of it. But my parents never said people should have waited for us. I am not a late person despite adhd because I consider it rude and I work really hard on time management. It’s a choice. And those parents made the choice not to try. My parents knew we were starting on time and they would never want to miss my wedding. They got to the venue over an hour early to make sure they didn’t miss it

[@kurie8143]

I would argue op did have the conversation ahead of time. He said when they were late to his graduation that he would not wait for them again and has held to this. Yes others accommodate the lateness but the parents have had years of experience at this point of op not waiting to accommodate them. They already knew and chose to do it anyway. They chose to miss their kids wedding.

[@s.a.4358]

I agree, the parents knew OP would not accommodate lateness because he stopped doing it years ago (assuming OP is not getting married within a few months of graduating). Did they think he would make an exception because it is a weding?

[@carolineben-ari2798]

​@@s.a.4358OP said his graduation was 15 years earlier. It's also possible he DID have another conversation with them before the wedding. I don't think we know either way.

[@hannahsmiraculoustextingstorys]

Punctuality is very important to me I like to be at places early and if I’m not I get anxious and if other people are late I get frustrated but then again it could just be the theatre kid in me.

[@SapphirePrimrose]

🙋🏼‍♀️ I like getting places early too, and I get anxious if I'm not. I was in marching band where it was drilled into us that: Early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable. 😂

[@JasmineJones-wh1tv]

I have been a guest who was on time waiting 30 minutes to an hour for things to get started. It's really frustrating sitting around.

[@s.a.4358]

Same and it’s really frustrating. I made the effort to be there on time, why can other people not show the same respect.

[@aShadeBolder]

with all due respect, "have a really clear conversation about your expectations" only works if the other person is receptive to such a conversation. if they're not, attempting that will be an infuriating exercise in futility. there are neurological disabilities that make timekeeping exponentially harder (the only way I get somewhere on time is a half hour chaos margin & panic-fueled obsessive planning. it works but it's exhausting) but I'm fairly certain that's not the case here. if it was they'd be early to important-to-them events at least occasionally (because sometimes you don't need the chaos margin). with or without a relevant disability, they didn't prioritise OP's wedding, and that hurts.

[@roselover411]

My mother missed my graduation dinner because she refused to make sure she would be ready on time. She still got to the ceremony itself on time but i have never forgiven her for being late on such an important day. This was such a chronic problem that when my family and i would set up dinners together, we told my mother an hour earlier than we were actually going to start specifically because we knew she would be almost exactly one hour late every time

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

That really sucks, I'm sorry

[@roselover411]

@@jocelynsmyth6604 it's all right. She was a very troubled person when I was growing up. These days she's way better and we don't have to make weird plans or concessions for her. She's ready to go on time and sometimes even early! She'll never be able to make up the time we lost but she does regret her actions and tries to do better every day and that's all we can ask for

[@garrulus3399]

​@@roselover411you are a great person for looking at things this way, I can learn a lot from you!

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

@@roselover411 I'm glad she's working so hard to make amends - all the best :)

[@roselover411]

@@garrulus3399 I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. I hate her boyfriend and I will never give that up. But most of our problems were due to alcoholism. She's been sober 8 years now and she's a way better person without alcohol to strip her down to her worst traits.

[@JudithWilder-e5b]

My mom was chronically late. We always told her a time 30 minutes before the actual time. It worked for a while but she figured it out😏

[@nr7701]

Good topic Jamie! I have a culture where people do not arrive on time, but (barring traffic or an emergency) I can see waiting, but I will not be waiting for more than 15-20mins when I get married. It's disrespectful, and cuts into the celebrations after the wedding. Seeing that OP has started events on-time throughout all of their adult life, I can't see why their parents thought this event would be any different. Not the jerk here. Talking to people who are close to the couple and have a tendency to be late beforehand is really the way to go. You give them their notice that they need to be on-time if they wish to be there. (It's the mature thing to do, and you can tell them, that hey, I told you this would be the sequence of events for the day before we got here.). Making bets on this topic is rather immature.

[@marietalinda]

For me it's just weird that parents are not there ahead of time before even the first guests arrive 😅 And it's true there are cultural differences too, here in Spain 15-30 min late is normally accepted although not really for weddings. But just to avoid problems, that's why at Spanish weddings we usually have welcome drinks 30 min before ceremony starts (unless it's a church) and most people will arrive during those 30 min and not alot earlier, so ceremony can start more or less on time and people didn't need to wait too long. And those few who arrived 'too early' will blame themselves for being too early but never expect the entire wedding to adapt to them 😊)

[@26Sundrops]

Sometimes maintaining the peace is not the goal. Sometimes it's about getting closure and knowing that the one time they were supposed to be there for you, they chose to be selfish and the goal is to confront them before they try weaseling out of it. I think the wedding mood is already dampened from the parents' actions - the bride's actions were simply a way to actually feel better. Revenge (not even, more like petty revenge if anything but more like advocating for yourself) might be more worthwhile after all that time than trying to bend over backwards to carry all the weight of the parent-child relationship.

[@sheilacockerham8837]

Funny story. My husband was late for our wedding... 😂. I was stressing but I also didn't communicate well enough to let him know the groomsmen could do finishing touches on wardrobe at the church. So they were late. The whole groom's party. Lol. Today it makes me smile. 9 years ago, I was stressed. Haha. I'm not late for things for personal context. 😁

[@beverlymorgan7965]

My mom is chronically late. When I have something important I tell her it starts 30-45 minutes before the actual start time as a cushion.

[@stacylarson740]

Wait, the parents really should have been there waaaaay before the time stated on the invitation! Were there not photos taken before the ceremony? They were super late then. Some of my family members showed up right before I walked down the aisle. I saw them as they walked into the church 🤪

[@emilyworrad5568]

For parents (especially) known for being excessively late (30 minutes or later), a few compromises. 1) Have someone pick them up 2) Have an earlier start time on wedding invitations. They are supposed to arrive at 8:30 for a 10:30 wedding 3) Yes, have at least one conversation of stating expectations around punctuality

[@nataliejones6626]

Went to a wedding, knew both sides, my dad was the officiant and my family were the only guests besides the grooms parents and the groom that knew the times of everything that day. The groom and his parents planned most everything because the wedding was in his home town. The bride and her family are chronically late for everything. Like 2 hours late. Grooms mother shared an itinerary with the guests that was one hour early for everything than the time that my dad and all the vendors got. It was great. I have been to weddings that start so late that the photographer left before they cut the cake

[@cattherat-ss4kv]

I have stress induced IBS so I’m often late to things. Basically get ready, get sorted, be about to get out the door, stomach cramps. But if I’m going to something important? Preemptive buscopan, anti inflammatory foods 3 days before and zapain to deal with the cramps.

[@annad850]

When we got married my husband had a best friend who was chronically late. He came late to an other friend’s wedding and loudly stumbled in during the vows. It was a small intimate wedding and they had payed good money to have the ceremony filmed. For when we got married we had made arrangement to get all the doors into the church locked when our entry song started. Everyone was chocked he was on time, but both him and his wife had been warned so she might have had something to do with that.

[@kristiansmith7737]

I had one parent that was ALWAYS late. It was my father, he would say that he was on the road when he wasn't even ready. Idk why he was like that but we knew how he behaved and my Mother lied to him one time about what time my College Graduation would happen just so he could be VERY early for once and not miss this milestone (and I think my step-mother also help). So I sympathize with Op and the siblings and understand the struggle and disappointment of parents who are always late.

[@ridgewalker5718]

Years ago my best friend missed her own wedding by being late. Her family was always chronically late so did not surprise me. She was 2 hours late and another wedding was minutes from starting when she arrived but all her guests were gone along with the groom.

[@kiara-beth2466]

I am chronically late but I am always sooo embarrassed when people wait for me, I am very used to sneaking in the back and apologising because I just have no concept of time really, but I fuuuully know its my own time blindness and don’t want other people to put things on hold for me, when they do there is often a bit of resentment and annoyance. I’d rather they go ahead and I’ll do my best and slide in when its most appropriate. But- when something is important, I am so proactive, timers as I’m getting ready, put things in my calendar for 15-20 minutes earlier than they are, pack the night before etc so that I do not miss out or put others out.

[@mechellepryor4421]

Hopefully I would have the conversation well before my wedding day. 🎉 Love the REDITs.😂

[@Pikeya]

Thanks for doing these videos. Its helping me not feel so overwhelmed by planning my wedding.

[@mylifeaskathy2796]

Yessss I love these!!!!

[@RunWithHooksNYarn]

Yes. Please keep doing these!!!!

[@SD-hs2pk]

Already planning around my brother😅

[@christinefrances5598]

I love it. He is holding his parents accountable. Being that late for your child's wedding then expecting them to wait for you is extremely rude and entitled.

[@valeriemesch9277]

It is a grace note to start on time.

[@abi1457]

At my friends wedding, the best man told the groom the wedding started an hour early, he was only 10 mins early. The best man didn’t tell anyone other than the other groomsmen he was doing this and told the groom when they arrived at the church, he was laughing the rest of the day.

[@SkitAWulf242]

Unrelated comment, but I was curious: have you ever helped coordinate any heavily themed or generally non-traditional weddings? My wedding is going to be heavily themed, including the outfit for my groom, my mom's outfit (who will be walking me down the isle), and many other details. So far my biggest issue is finding a good venue to host both ceremony and reception.

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

I'm not a theme person for myself, but I am one of those people, of you have a theme, I'm gonna follow it! What's your theme?

[@nriamond8010]

I'm German and I have strong feelings about that 😆

[@allthingsmaloney5634]

4 people were late to mine!! We started right on time hahaha

[@susancook1448]

It was quite a challenge for me as the MOB and wedding planner when my husband delayed me by over an hour getting to the reception venue. I had the timetable completely drawn up but a husband who just does what he wants. Very frustrating. Happened at both my children’s weddings. One left to go and I will be driving my own car.

[@joyariffic4217]

we put on our wedding website that late comers will not be let in.

[@nicoles2159]

It sucks being the first/only family member willing to put your foot down and set boundaries. I feel for OP. I also don't like the idea of blaming their behavior on (possible) neurodivergence- plenty of people find workarounds to avoid being late and if they slip up, they take accountability.

[@kayblossom8505]

Constant lateness can sometimes be related to ADHD.

[@courtneypainter3618]

So I plan on putting the start time 30 mins prior. However, we are getting married at the top of a ski hill and the chairlift takes people up 15 mins prior to the start. There is also a bar/restaurant at the bottom they can hang out at. Would you agree that is an okay exception?

[@feelosophy1921]

I feel the parents were not ambushed. They were given notice at the adult child's graduation and had been given real life instances where the adult scheduled and began events on time. These parents are acting in a way that makes them the main characters of all events they are invited to attend. Even though they arrived late they couldn't be happy to be there, enjoy the event and support their child. It's like the backup singers out singing the front man. Not okay!

[@amandademarco5527]

I would have waited till after the honeymoon to discuss it. If they cornered me, I would have reminded them , they made a choice to be late. Personal opinion, life if full of consequences, both good and bad. We teach our children if you don't do your chores, no screen time. Cause and effect. As adults its the same, I don't go to work, I am not paid. These parents made a choice and I feel sorry that they took time away from their son's wedding for petty b.s

[@ileanapipitoneofficial]

Personally if I know that someone it is chronically late I normally telling them the starting time it is earlier than what it is… if I know a person it is 30/45 minutes late EVERY TIME, and the start time it is 4.30, I’ll tell them the thing starts at 3.30… of course you can’t do this every time, but once in a while, especially for I wedding, I would have do it…

[@bibbaaah]

I think what I'm gonna do for my wedding is put a 'please be here by ___ to get seated before the ceremony starts at ___'

[@jennyonthecoast]

To call your kid an ahole on their wedding day WTH. There must be a long history here. Wasn’t the dad walking her down the aisle?!?

[@kellyl8425]

Tardy parents were the groom’s side.

[@Angelofthursday99]

Time blindness is a pretty common symptom of a few different neuro-divergence and is a pretty common symptom of both autism and ADHD, due to anomalies in the per-frontal cortex. Which deals with both perception of time and planning. Tl;dr I don't think the chronically late parents have time blindness, because it would have affected other things like work, or events they themselves threw, and even regular house management things, like remembering when you're supposed to go grocery shopping. The fact that this seemingly only happens with things not focused on them, or thrown by them, implies they don't have time blindness, just an old fashioned case of disrespect for anyone else's time. I have a baby niece who's going through a phase where she refuses to nap anywhere but on top of someone. So when I'm babysitting her, I'll be pinned under her for two to three hours, and I have to _constantly_ check my phone to make sure she sleeps long enough to have a full nap, but not sleep for too long so she won't be up at night. For those two whole (plus) hours I'll consistently go through the cycle of literally checking the time every few minutes a half a dozen times, and then go half an hour without checking, because half an hour can feel like a few minutes to me, and a few minutes can feel like half an hour to me. And it's literally impossible for me to know which way my brain is processing time in the moment without access to a clock. So to me it _feels_ like I'm checking the clock regularly, but I'll get a random amount of time having passed each time. It's why I obsessively carry my phone around while I'm babysitting, even though I hardly use it (prefer to do my web surfing on PC) the rest of the time. My niece has a schedule to keep, and when I'm taking care of her it's my job to work around my disability to ensure said schedule is kept up with to the best of my capability. The groom's parents immediate acknowledgement of, and their own self awareness of, their own latenss and how their other kids constantly plan their events with a time buffer for their parents so they show up on time. Tell me they don't actually have time blindness. And them instantly letting go of the fact that there was _proof_ of them being more than a half hour late, when they told the groom they were only five minutes late. And shifting instead to "Well you should have waited for us anyways," when confronted with that. If someone who actually had time blindness showed up to an event 35 minutes late, thinking they were 5 minutes late, to something as important as their own child's wedding, they would be _mortified_ and likely devastated at the revelation that they'd screwed up that much. Especially considering that means they're old enough to have kids getting married, meaning they've had a minimum of roughly 40 years to learn how to compensate for said time blindness. And them being late to something as important as _this_ by _that much,_ means that something has gone horribly wrong with their coping mechanism at the worst possible moment. And they got screwed out of witnessing an important milestone in their kid's life because of their disability. Some can counter time blindness with the right medication, some do it with having a scheduling app on their phone that constantly sends out reminders telling them when things are and to get ready for whatever they're doing, some just do it with normal timer reminders on their phones. Some do it old school with a journal/planner they carry around, some go simple with just a note pad, some (typically teenagers or like collage students) just write the reminder on their arm in marker so it's impossible to lose. If they have partner, friend, or family member who's willing to make sure they aren't late, they could have some kind of arrangement involving another person actively reminding them and keeping them on schedule for such an important event. Anyways much like with any mental disability (and other kinds of disabilities), people with time blindness generally come up with some kind of coping strategy by the time they're in their 40's, which is quite a few years younger than the groom's disrespectful parents, if they want to live fully independent lives. Because if you do not, you do not end up functional independent members of society, unless you have someone devoted to keeping you on task at all times, making sure you're doing all the required adult tasks you have to do. Also the kinds of neurodivergence that have time blindness as a symptom tend to run in families (people with autism or ADHD are more likely to have kids who also have autism or ADHD), and considering it's happening to *both* parents, but _none_ of the kids, I highly doubt this is due to the parents being some kind of neurodivergent.

[@stellasouza420]

JAMIE!! HELP!! I am having a wedding (50 guests) and my reception will have two long banquet tables. How do I proceed with this? Do I need escort cards, are place cards with names at each seat enough or is that too confusing?? 😭

[@TheVeggiekat]

I was 30 minutes late to my mom’s wedding but she never sent me an invite. She told me a time to show up but I didn’t realize that was the exact time the ceremony started. I had a crap storm of getting kids ready and my husband moving but I thought it was ok since I assumed the time my mom told me in just a phone call was a time that would allow some rehearsal or at least direction on what we should be doing and time to get ready. How bad is it to show up to a wedding late when you never actually received an invite?

[@aussican]

She had already had that conversation with them about being late, perhaps she could have had another to address the wedding specifically, however I have a feeling this would not have changed their actions

[@Myrathosghost]

...my one issue with this video is....the story at the start...you literally said people have told you "you dont understand how my culture works people dont show up on time" and your response is "cool dont care you should start on time"....No...you dont get to say "I dont care what your culture says" YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY SAY "Well in America its this"....other cultures run their weddings differently....you cannot Plan EVERY WEDDING like it is EXACTLY THE SAME when some Cultures weddings can last FOR DAYS or they do events BEFORE the ceremony.... like...I dont think Ive watched one of your videos where i have disagreed with a statement MORE then that one....like....Im sure you are an AMAZING wedding planner HOWEVER...I dont think you should be telling people how to run their cultural events and for some cultures that includes Weddings

[@nleem3361]

The bride clearly has anger issues with her parents and she chose a very hurtful way to make a point. It doesn't matter if she had a right to do, this will damage the relationship further. It was a very inappropriate way to try to fix a problem. She knows her parents have problems, and she chose to make a big scene, hurt her parents and embarrass them. I'm not saying it was right for the parents to be late to such an important event, but there were so many ways it could have been handled gracefully and with love and respect. For example she could have talked to them ahead of time to let them know her wedding would not be late like her siblings. She could have had her siblings help her parents make it on time. She could have given them duties at the venue a few hours ahead of time to make sure they were in the building. She even could have lied to them about the start time although that could be blown up quickly. If the bride cared if her parents were there, she could have gotten creative to find ways to work with them instead preparing an attack for what she knew her parents where known to do. What's sad is that she spent time and effort into planning to prove they messed up again. Imagine, she took the time to tell her friend to take a picture and she made sure to bring an extra wedding invitation, and she didn't take the time to talk directly to her parents.

[@SeeShells79]

We put noon on our invitations knowing full well the ceremony started at 12:30. Why? CP time is REAL. We had a string quartet playing as our guests were seated that played covers of modern music and they loved it! Please have something planned to entertain your guests if you are intentionally starting after the communicated start time.

[@misslyntheena]

German here, the answer is clear. You get there at least 20 minutes early for something as important as a wedding. Latest is 5 minutes early and that’s already rude bc it makes the planners/vendors/couple worry that some people won’t make it on time. If everyone is there 10 minutes early we can all have a deep breath and know that when we start on time, nobody misses a thing.

[@calimeetsnycco]

Definitely NTA, my MIL completely missed our wedding ceremony. Everyone was on time and I left the decision to begin on time to my husband. She is chronically late and he was tired of her wanting everything to be around her schedule. So he said we will start without her. Mind you she also called earlier in the day saying she wasn’t going to be available to get her makeup professionally done because she had more important things to take care of that day. 😏

[@danicarr6625]

I was invited to the equivalent of a new year's eve celebration for a culture I was not a part of but it was the culture of my work colleagues, my now ex who was out of the country, and some good acquaintances. For context, this was a large event requiring prepurchased tickets hosted in a hotel ballroom, not a relaxed house party. I knew start times weren't adhered to in this culture so I purposefully showed up an hour late. I then had to wait another 45 min for the next person in my group to show up and the person who actually invited me didn't come until after dinner was served. I was nearly in tears waiting there alone for that long, sticking out like a sore thumb. It was brutal and the last time I spend time with that particular group of people

[@Bodine22infp]

I'm getting married this fall (coming right up! 😁) and I wouldn't be able to delay the start time even if I wanted to. We're marrying in a Catholic church on a Saturday afternoon, and there is a Saturday evening mass, so we have to be out if there right away.

[@catherinemaryfairweather]

In addition to the it’s rude to be late reason…churches are also on a schedule! In Catholic Churches, the priest usually has to say Mass on a Saturday and probably has planned the wedding time so there is ample time to get ready for Mass later that day. I can’t fathom expecting 100+ people and the priest waiting for me because I can’t get it together on time.

[@xuxagirl87]

Yup being chronically late can definitely be a neurological thing, I am chronically late (though not by 30+ minutes, more like 10 to maybe 15 most times) and the amount of times I’ve literally been in tears in my bathroom because I cannot move despite wanting to… it’s a lot. I promise it’s not always about disrespect, and some of us really do try.

[@maxinewilliams3626]

Great video as always Jamie! Love the nails 💅🏽😍