How to Raise Your Self-worth Even if Your Parents Destroyed It

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@LarsGsanger]

I turned to drugs to deal with it!

[@dorothybingham3205]

It's not just about distancing from them, but eliminating their voice in your head.

[@heathers1967]

I was no contact for 20 years and when my narc family all died within one year and I realized that I only knew myself in relation to their hatred of me. And now that my haters were dead, I had no idea who I was and my digestion stopped working and I was unable to eat and lost a ton of weight. I felt like I was being dragged into the grave. I'm 57 years old and now I have to 'find myself'! JERRY WISE YOU ARE GREAT! THANK YOU!

[@Stayinyourownlane1970]

Sending love. I'm 54 and my natc 'mum' finally died recently. I felt I could breathe for the first time. But it's brought up other stuff I never realised was there. I hope you find yourself ❤

[@monongahelacats]

My mother would call me lazy and say I’d never amount to anything. She even called me a c-word several times. I was always “too sensitive” and “get yourself together”. I’m 60 and having a very hard time with life.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I am 60+ too and I have been wrestling with this inside of me too.

[@Vivi-j8x]

I can relate. I'm 56 diagnosed with cPtsd in rehab at age of 50. Almost 6 years CBT therapy under my belt and still going. We will get there one day. It's challenging but will be worth it.

[@Stayinyourownlane1970]

Sending you all love. I hope we recover ❤

[@joseenoel8093]

Stay strong that you're seeing things as they were shows your progress, no one masters life it is a challenging journey but she cut you down so she could feel superior to you, this shows how strong you are, no one pleases them and they're only happy when they're criticising, know this!

[@miriamlandau1207]

You're never too old to start over from a new, improved direction! Think of the glass as half full from now on.

[@caroleminke6116]

Going gray rock is a method that can not only save your life but free you to take back control of your life

[@taliajournee212]

Yes, it's truly underrated. What I find interesting is just keeping neutral or to yourself drives the narcissist EXTRA crazy LOL. Like yes, you no longer have access to me - AT ALL.

[@genestone4951]

Never heard of that term, but I guess that's what I did to survive.

[@lishmahlishmah]

So true. Definitely. I hope it will be developed for the different situations and different types of narcissism, sociopathy, etc.

[@lishmahlishmah]

Btw. I've recently found a very useful TED video, a talk by researcher Daniel N. Jones about a method to defending ourselves against master manipulators = the worst of all > machiavellanism. Actually, it's something similar to grey rock... Anyway very very interesting The method is named CBR = Cold - Bottom Line - Rational

[@HeartFeltGesture]

No contact is the ultimate grey rock.

[@Freethnkr]

I got so used to hearing my mother's insecure and negative words spoken over my life from early teen years that I honestly believed and walked in fear constantly. Having to retrain my brain and learn only to believe what God says about me. It was only his voice that I needed to listen to and trust.

[@Denise-y2c]

Excately.

[@lindahall3546]

Yes!!!

[@faithgirl8844]

Yes! Exactly! My life has been totally transformed by this believing what God had to say about me. Many years I walked in fear too and thought God hated me because I didn’t honor her. Oh boy as I began to step in truth my life looks nothing like she tried to “predict” and it’s very hard for her and many within my family to accept, support and celebrate. Now I finally feel like I am at a stage where I have to separate myself from them and keep running for my life. (Living my life, building my life, and believe in and love myself)

[@TheBillaro]

this is a beautiful way to deal with it.

[@dreamscape405]

LOVE this!!

[@lauragadille3384]

I can never get my narcissistic father's voice out of my head even though he's not alive anymore.

[@judycampbell8273]

I’m the same. I have to say out loud “he’s gone” just to stop the repetitive thoughts and rewire myself. Then try to be in the present. ❤

[@lishmahlishmah]

Have a check to some videos of one (or both) these trauma-therapists and researchers; Dr Janina Fisher Dr Richard Schwartz Maybe you'll find some helpful tips in their methods

[@lishmahlishmah]

I forgot... Another one very helpful. Tim Fletcher Video Live: Intrusive Thoughts It's the most recent live in his channel, about 2 days ago

[@qwave1322]

Sounds like every day needs to be Opposite Day then. 😊

[@SusanWillans-b9q]

Thank you Jerry! Spot on! We were just never allowed to think , know, do anything else except according to the parents agenda. They are all dead now. Hallelujah!! I’m almost 70 now, but finally relaxing, doing my own thing.

[@marny7760]

Just turned 69 and I'm with you on the "never allowed to think, etc," but wish I could say the same about everyone being dead. My narc mother is still going strong at almost 94. My angry, abusive father died decades ago--a relief--but my mother, who literally calls herself the family "matriarch," is still kicking, spewing her rigid, demanding, judgmental, demeaning nastiness, punctuated with manipulative so-called "love" bombing, "pay attention to ME ME ME," "poor me I'm the victim"--all backed up by her Jesus and her Bible. I wish Jerry or another expert would write a really well-researched and fully developed article that covers the strong connections between evangelical/charismatic Christians and abusive narcissistic behavior, especially the ways that so many of the evangelicals I know weaponize what they see as their direct connection with God "him"self to condemn and control those who don't agree with them on every point. My mother lays this on me all the time: "the Lord spoke to me and told me to say this to you," "the Lord wants me to do that," where "this" and "that" are self-centered, condescending, and cruel, and then she wraps it up with "I'm saying/doing this because I love you, heart heart." It's crazy-making. Not a Christianity any mature, sane person would want to be a part of.

[@daisynadal6909]

Thank you for this one Jerry. I was the scapegoat and took my narc mother's and sisters' bullying and harassment for ages. I went no contact over a year ago and to this day I'm still struggling to find myself, or remember who I was...it's like my whole life has been one big lie and now I get to start over and rebuild myself without their toxicity and abuse.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They were controlling you by limiting you.

[@MaxMuster-qf8yg]

Similar experience here, but all of a sudden suffer shortness of breath since 3 months despite being average to fit. Something is definitely still processing, half a year later for me too.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@MaxMuster-qf8yg stress caused by the situation.

[@Slo987]

Me too. I feel you. Went no contact few months ago and soon after that mother got cancer. Now I have to deal with everyone's dissapointment, cause I am not present. Specially from my sister.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

@@Slo987 Same with me and sister and mother getting cancer. I limited my time with her and was only there at the bitter end day, but to express myself, I would not have been there at all. I was not brave enough to do the entire no-contact but I still wish I was because it was very, very taxing and damaging to me.

[@BenHackett-x7m]

I used to wonder how people found themselves living in a cult. Only since I've been watching videos like this one I've come to realise: growing up in an abusive toxic, narcissistic & addictive family, I actually grew up in a toxic micro cult! You do not have to be crazy to come from a toxic family, but they will literally make you mentally unwell if you can't escape from the super self.

[@lishmahlishmah]

In the last years there are some psychologists who explicitly define it "family cult" . As for myself, many years ago, in my 20s, I had identified some books about cults as the only ones that could have helped me someway. However, I really thought it was kind of strange idea of mine... still possibly helpful for me, just for me and my abnormal reactions to normal situations.!!!!!....... I didn't find anything else in mental health research describing my family situation... So, I felt it like an invalidation. A bunch of years of talk-therapy validated the invalidation; it was me and just me with n anxiety problem. Caused by Nothing . At the end of the day, I believed it was only and always "my fault".......As everybody told me. Everybody from the family cult and/or manipulated by the family cult (including the therapist)

[@BenHackett-x7m]

Thankfully, I had a family therapist who used to attend our family sessions. When I saw him with my wife years later, he blatantly told me & my wife that my family were not healthy & not healthy for us to be around. I can only wonder how many years he waited to tell me that, knowing it would have cost his job if we were still having family sessions. I'm sure many others have had similar experiences. No therapist I've seen who has met my family ever recommended I try to repair the fractured family!

[@Marann771]

Thank you for this info. I know all of this INTELLECTUALLY however my HEART seems to be destroyed forever as I am 66 y/o and I still get blindsided and hurt so very easily. My parents are both passed on but even my siblings have abandoned me. So overwhelmed. 💔

[@ES-mc3cc]

My siblings were screwed up too, so once I could escape and be on my own (I'm the youngest sibling), I never had too much to do with them. The whole outfit was mentally messed up. I at least was successful in the working world.

[@christyrodarte1158]

Jerry, I wish I could give you a big hug. I needed to hear this. ❤

[@Coreg1]

Thank you. You have been a real light in my life ❤

[@JohnnyPeter4011]

Growing up my earliest memory of my narc mom was being severely hit. She hated me and took every opportunity to put me down and loathe everything and anything l loved. Desperately wanted her love and affection but was not available. Almost 60 and Still trying to understand WHY. How can a mother hate her own son so much? More importantly how can that son go on to lead a normal life??Show me a son whose own mother despised him and l will show you a boy who is going to have MASSIVE issues as an adult .

[@mlynn2161]

All of your videos are so very helpful Jerry! Thank you!

[@elijardel2191]

Hello, dr. Jerry Wise, first time commenting here. I am recently detaching from my mom's narcissistic abuse, it's not being a very good time facing the causes of such a lasting suffering in my life, but I am surviving. I am a survivor, and the major source of my self-worth today is when I realize and recognize the strength and the power I had to survive all these years and, also, to always search for overcoming it, for finding a meaning within myself. Like an intrepid light always shining inside the dark, that's me. I'm so grateful for finding such a good people and professionals like you, helping me (and too many other people) to find that strength and to get out that mess I was surrounded by. You are light, Jerry. God bless your soul.

[@GabePlaysYT]

Thank you so much, Jerry. I've been raised in an extremely dysfunctional household. My mother cheated and broke up with my dad when I was only 13 years old and her narcissism has been something I've been forced to work around my whole life. I'm now in my 30s and she hasn't changed. If anything, she's gotten worse. I've been trying to move out and on with my life for the past decade, getting lots of day jobs, and try to self-discover what I want out of life. My hope is that I can save up money over the course of the next year to finally get away from her.

[@bobbynicole10]

Thank you so much for this one. Yesterday was hell. I fell asleep wondering how I can move forward, then I found this. Thank you 🙏

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for great advice😊 let’s be Wise 😊

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

The hard part is when the scapegoat narrative has spread far and wide. Neighbors,co workers, family friends. The abusers will stop random strangers and tell them what I piece of garbage you are. I haven't seen my mom in 20 years. Amazing how people I've never known seem to know all about you and " feel so sorry" for the abuser.

[@earthrooster1969]

Haha.. Light bulb 💡 moment for me.. The house help who loves my narc Mom commented how sad my parents are that I was jobless... Wow! I thought.. When I asked my narc Mom she was very 'disappointed' at the house help for making such a statement.. 😅😅😅

[@petermautner7052]

Thoughts are put into people,s head to give impression the scapegoat is the problem. People believe that narrative. It can take a person(I am seventy) many years to understand. Three words for the scapegoat come to mind . Banishment, ostracized and estrangement come to mind .

[@helenedoratelpletzkow7301]

All of this, Jerry... ALL of this.

[@faithiepie]

Thank you for your videos. You have helped me in ways I have not found from other narcissist experts on KZbin, mainly in your focus on the family or origin v. relationships.

[@charletestes2299]

Absolutely right on my family on my mother's side gave my mom the identity of being the scapegoat because she was born with certain medical problems that were supposed to give her diminished cognitive abilities, which it did not- but back in the 1930s with the eugenics movement still in full swing, she was considered less than and therefore made the scapegoat. Now, because I was her only child and she was not supposed to be able to have children I was assigned the same classification I was the one that was always in the wrong, the one that no one wanted at the family gatherings the one that was denied opportunities while the others were afforded it, because I supposedly was incapable of being " normal. When I began to make good grades in school and when I began to become successful, they refused to accept it especially my grandmother

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Well that is what happens in family..." The lesser" individual becomes the scapegoat.

[@charletestes2299]

@gothboschincarnate3931 which is why I no longer acknowledge them in any way as "family"

[@leela1970]

Thank you 🙏❤

[@michaelhicks5587]

Awesome useful tips. Individuation that's the key word I'm actually catching on a bit.

[@LoveLee-jz1tj]

3 months in to 0 contact, I am starting to feel angry instead of sad, beaten down. Why is this?

[@artandculture5262]

For me, avoiding anger was my lifestyle, so getting in touch with anger was immense and healing and part of getting my natural body and emotions back.

[@JamesJoeeight-o4f]

Because you tolerated the abuse for so long, The anger is actually a part of the healing process…you will go thru many emotions on your healing journey and most of those emotions are just not very much fun…… Keep going….every day you will b I little bit better,it’s ruff but you can do it….im rooting for you !!!!!!!

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

Just from my personal experience I had to sit with and get curious about my anger way more than I was used to. There were layers that kind of surprised me. It was kind of expected that it would bother me that they didn't change in the lead up to no contact and no hair pulling, chest beating distress after but then there was also the realization that the distance left room for that very important emotion. It had been inconceivable that anyone could have even perceived something they did as not perfect so anger was an emotion that I should NEVER feel. After I gave myself permission to be angry, I actually felt a lot less angry.

[@JosephBallard-fs9py]

I agree with the other commenters, it's probably your suppressed anger from your past experiences. It finally has a chance to come up and be processed. It means you're making progress. Keep it up 👍

[@lishmahlishmah]

I agree with the other commenters, too. Plus, I would add that anger in this first phase of No Contact is also a defense strategy of your Self. Meaning, the sadness, the pain and the grief are still too heavy to face. Anger is The Right Anger for all survivors of abuses. Then, one day there will be also the pain phase. Moreover, ...every now and then, you may have mixed phases and moments, going on with your recovery and healing path.

[@bassocantante51]

Thank you for the paradigm shift in my life and to the extensions all about me that are rediscovering the self with a newfound approach, thanks to you…🙏

[@Dobermanmomma]

It is life-changing to rebuild your self-worth. The haters can't stand it. 😅

[@melaniep8377]

Good idea. Maybe I can use spite for motivation!

[@olympiaelda1121]

Spite is a good idea, but be vautious, dont waste your energy on opposition.

[@piakopp6248]

So true ! Wish I had known about and understood all this years before. It took me many years to get more clarity (for example to understand that it is better to set internal boundaries first, that reactivity makes it all worse etc). You put it all in words and explain it so well. So I love to listen to all your videos, as they give reassurance to what I had to learn in an ongoing process over many years. I am 65, and I am glad I experience so much more clarity now - never too late ! However a bit sad to see how much this 'costed' me.

[@siennaprice1351]

My narcissistic stepmom may have made me believe the lies and the names she called me. “Stupid. Worthless. Selfish. Spoiled brat. Liar. Bully” and many more. Well guess what? I’m working to heal. I now know I’m not worthless. I now know I’m not stupid! I’ve proven that I’m actually very smart and capable. I still need to realize my worth is just as good when I’m dysregulated, and that I’m not less when I’m dysregulated. I know I will get there! I now see the light at the end of the tunnel! I will learn to remove the mask, and be ok and accepting of my true self. I’m now doing the work of making my dreams a reality. Something I was never allowed to do when I lived with my stepmom and dad. I live with a mother, who is just a genuine angel on this earth. I have an amazing husband. We both live with my mom because both my husband and I have special needs, but we’re strong, not broken. And this includes myself. My CPTSD nor my special needs doesn’t make me broken, less, uncapable, stupid, nor worthless!

[@marrybrackman818]

They are not me. I am not them. I want to be separated from them. More detached. More observant. Become a watcher. An observer. Reduce my reactivity. Protect myself.Reduce your reactions to their behavior. De-enmeshment.

[@marrybrackman818]

Self-focused. Not other-focused. Detach your worth from your parents.

[@siennaprice1351]

@ yes. It’s very important to do all these things. I’m very watchful of people nowadays, but I think this is due to a trust issue I have from rejection. Not just from my stepmom,but from outside influencers too.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Your everywhere I go seinna.

[@siennaprice1351]

@ wait a minute, how did you get here?!

[@cmere9141]

I'm so glad you do, what you do. I'm having a better understanding of what really happend and how to overcome it. I am making good progress and am infinite thankful for your work!

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome❤️

[@billblessington3912]

This is just a general comment I love your content and you’ve helped me greatly. The only problem I have is I discovered this far too late in my life. I’m now in my mid 60s and I’m just starting to work through the damage that has been done. More importantly I’m just starting to understand the damage that was done to me. But thank you it really does help!

[@AnimalMedicineWB]

I am still mentally conjoined to my overt Dad and covert Mom’s negativity. Can’t stop ruminating and thinking about them and it’s like a mind virus & I can’t figure out the antidote to make this illness stop. How do I get these people out of my head? What worked for you? Bless you for your work Jerry! Your advice is always super helpful ❤

[@candacekelly1478]

Good affirmations help. Lots of love and blessings Jerry Wise is a blessing! Thanks for all sharing! Truly 💯❤

[@Pomoscorzo]

Every time you hear their voices inside your head, repeat to yourself: "I must not understand my parent's feelings. I must not understand my parent's feelings. I must not understand my parent's feelings." It's not your job. They have to understand THEIR feelings on THEIR own. If they can't, it's because THEY are emotionally immature, not you.

[@Denise-y2c]

Mentally see yourself throwing those thoughts far away. Try to replace with a (Jerry Wise thought... statement)😅

[@Gogotrianto]

You can try this my friend. "This voices_words are when l am child now l am older, not a child!!!!, try to see the truth, you are not now a small chid, so, this voices are unworthy. (My English are awful... I am Greek. )

[@PrincessYvette08]

I struggle with low self esteem ptsd and being anti social it’s the hardest thing to go through because your afraid people will judge you but this comes from my dysfunctional family because they don’t care about how I feel.

[@こなた-m1o]

yep. i am in the exact same boat.

[@TM-dh8um]

Jerry you taught me so much. Thank you. I hope everyone who sees this realises quickly how valuable this content is and acts on your advice as diligently and systematically as possible. It will really help them all, as it really helped me. After a lifetime of abuse and neglect from a narcissistic family environment, your content has effectively saved me and rebuilt me, Many thanks!

[@kabel7985]

I’m just so sad lately! Maybe the season, maybe it’s change - idk. So I came from a dysfunctional family system, at 61, one would think adjustments would get easier with time.

[@Denise-y2c]

Nope

[@GGVanilla]

It’s true what you always say that inner boundaries are more important than outer boundaries. I went NC with my family exactly one year ago and now they’re sending me messages trying to manipulate me to go visit (it was then who kicked me out in the first place). And their text messages send me into a whirlwind of anxiety, depression and shame. It takes me days to bounce back. It’s definitely something I need to work on, and your videos really help me. Thank you ❤

[@ilyas859]

Thanks for the video. Been working on myself for a long time and I keep coming back to self worth as the cornerstone of what I need to improve. My latest achievement was for a few minutes believing that "I am the way I'm supposed to be"

[@rogerramgoolam6939]

Very useful, well explained video😊

[@jerrywise]

Thanks a lot 😊

[@judithfs]

Jerry, this is probably your best video yet for me. My elderly Dad is likely to pass away today or tomorrow, and the family superself is still in full swing here. Your words have really helped me just when i need it. God bless x

[@franciscovillarreal5476]

Thank you!!!!!!!

[@jammyjay917]

These videos are great....thank you so much ❤

[@ariesram32777]

When going no contact, stay strong and stand your ground. Had to block narc mom for the 3rd time. Obviously I don’t want it this way but, I do know it will never change. I have to remind myself of this often. Such a sad situation 😮‍💨🧘‍♀️

[@cyrusdeboo6423]

Oberserves not absorbers. 🙌🏻Thanks Jerry!

[@relicofthesoul]

Thanks for your work

[@ljront3126]

Yes. My father was too strict and tough with me. He should know, his education was false. If I lied to him, I was afraid of his behaviour

[@iristorres1880]

Great advice thank you. The one that resonates the most is reducing my reactiveness.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I look back now and think how I REALLY believed it ya know. That nobody really wanted me. That I was basically good for nothing. That maybe most people were just better off without me or if I wasn’t around. And then even when I knew things weren’t fair to me, I would feel like there was nothing I could do about it anyways. Being yanked around by feelings is one thing but there were times when it was either comply or go live under a bridge. So comply I did. It’s a lot of stress when asserting myself would mean potentially losing my kid, my cats, my roof, my transportation. Even my good name. (Btw, that’s also when “just get a job” becomes like climbing Mt Everest. You wonder who even would want to ever hire you for anything). They controlled EVERYTHING like despots. Of course this was also due to further complications around working in the toxic fam biz. You have their personal handcuffs but then you also have the job golden handcuffs too.

[@TaylorBrookspro]

This really helped me. Thank you ❤

[@jerrywise]

You’re welcome 😊

[@donnakelley1202]

Rebuilding your self worth is harder than it looks. Thanks for this video. And all your other videos too. Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of your viewers. God bless each and every one. ❤

[@alisonadenis-sickofibs]

A really great, clear and actionable video. Thank you for everyone that will benefit from it. 💖

[@janej2581]

This is healing. More please..🙏

[@juanfranciscomunozolano8110]

Thank you so much, your work had helped me a lot. Greetings from Colombia.

[@jerrywise]

You are welcome!

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This one is PERFECT!!! This is just what I needed today because I am finally at a crossroads of whether I will keep reacting to them and their demands for attention and value from me or whether I will SEE the triggers inside me to divert my attention and stop. The closer I get to me, the more they try to distract and extract my empathy and love to them. I gave a contribution in another of your videos today. It is support of the channel that is well-earned with me!

[@kathybradley3858]

Thank you Dr. Wise!!! My brother and I have had to tip toe around my Mother because she has mental issues and we're always afraid she is too fragile to handle if we tell her something about her that is negative. But at the same time, she has days where she can be nasty and that's okay?? So I told her how I felt and now she won't talk to me. I understand what you are saying here....I am not responsible for the negative way she reacted to MY FEELINGS. It is hard because I've been programmed for soooo many years to be responsible for her feelings. I do feel guilty right now but I need this to change....I'm 66 years old and it's time to put my feelings first. Thank you again!

[@karieification]

Good content!❤

[@jerrywise]

Glad you think so!

[@kareemmohammed5270]

painful, resonates, much appreciated Jerry for your insights as always.

[@jerrywise]

You're very welcome

[@Jeanetteleuers]

Lots of top quality observations Mr. Wise. The difficult part, is encouraging 'inward self focus' when 'The World' is inclined to identify that focus, as 'selfish Me Me Me' thinking and acting. I can do it NOW, I can be 'me', Almost no probs. Anywhere. But it's taken FAR too long. It is pure global infinite kindness, to be your best 'ME!' it is Not selfishness.,🙂😊

[@shellyfister106]

Thank you for Your Videos ! I have learned so much !

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@ahanasharma4784]

Because of my low self esteem I have never been able to earn enough or negotiate a pay that allows me to live on my own, due to which I have had to live to with my parents and still do. The latter disallows me from self differentiating in that I know I need to to live my true life. Any tips for people like us? Thank you for your work 🙂

[@la3800]

Such an excellent video!

[@naturelover1284]

Does this make you highly irritable to all kinds of little noises and apartments later on

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Yes, after scapegoating and family bullying, every little thing is like the straw on the camels back and feels like its being done on purpose just to f*ck with you. Rude people in traffic, noisy house-mates, rude people in public. Things that people say and how they say it, how they relate to you.......so many things are triggering. But lets remember, society is full of narcissists, so quite often it IS being done on purpose! So you have to find ways to stay calm, deep breathing into the belly, counting to 10 before reacting, stay away from bad company, identify and cut out toxic people from your life, including family members and long-term friendships. Check your social circle for people that treat you similar to how family treated you, condescending tones, talking down to you. Check for people who activate your shame, people who openly judge you and shame you on purpose. Jokes at your expense etc

[@naturalgirldiy]

Thank you. This was so insightful...

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome

[@pattiamatucci9921]

Dr Jeanne Safer wrote a book called Death Benefits: How the Death of a Parent Can Change an Adult Child’s Life for the Better. The first line of the book is, ”The death of a parent can be the best that ever happens to you”. I don’t know if you’ve done any videos dealing with that topic.

[@こなた-m1o]

lmao that's actually an insane book title

[@streaming5332]

It takes forever, you have to get all your support from outside the family and do things the family culture disapproves of.

[@こなた-m1o]

yep.

[@johngraham6729]

This is another phenomenal video, Jerry. I learn so much about how my family system still continues to “work” in me. Could you do a video on how coworkers bring their family of origin to work, and how we as self-differentiated individuals can interact with them in a calm/self-differentiated way? Thank you. I appreciate your videos so much.

[@ReelTYme_wT]

Thank you

[@darinsmith2458]

I am working on my Fear of Success and that goes right with what you are saying about what are the advantages of having low self-esteem.. If I have success then I break free from the family Super Self.. I was and still am given the scapegoat role and I can see it happening in other situations besides the family.. Again, with enmeshment I am still learning how to detach from that even in different situations that are not the family.. When I reduced my reactivity the reactive people do not want to have anything to do with me.. They actually become more reactive.. Inner Boundaries.. I like the way you say this.. My understanding of this is that I need to first find out who I really am and then start making choices according to that rather than making choices according to people, places, and things.. The self-focused rather than other-focused goes right along with Inner Boundaries.. Worth is another good one.. Just because I have never been good enough for them and because they have never supported me does not mean that I am worthless..

[@Suzziam]

Great video

[@davidhimmelsbach557]

My parents never ruined my self-worth -- they ruined my NET WORTH. In a tale as old as time, the parents decided that it was in their best interests to loot their first born son -- every way from Sunday. This was WAR, family style.

[@samcarrs]

My Man Jerry

[@SoulSeeker2025]

This world will destroy your self-worth.

[@rwdchannel2901]

I started smoking marijuana when I was in 12 years-old. I didn't heavily use it until I was in 17 years-old. I'm thinking that was probably because it helped me cope with my narcissistic parents. They really confused me with their behavior. My mother was an authoritarian legalist who didn't live her life in a highly moral way. My father was highly negligent. They got divorced when I was 15 years-old and my mother told me to move in with my father. My father signed off on weeks of days I claimed to have been sick in high school and didn't even care why I was ditching classes. He got a GED and didn't think education was that important. Both of my parents tried to make me be like them in every way. They both wanted me to do what they did for work and believe what they believed about politics. Anything I thought and did that was independent of them was said to be bad by them.

[@user-ov4wr5yu4r]

My brother, my sister and her husband literally said to me "It's about our parents. It's not about us " several times in the last few days. They don't like it that I'm acting up. But I wonder how it is that my siblings got all the parents money through gifts and yet it's about the parents. They're all hypocrites. Now the parents have no money for the nursing home, but neither of the siings wants to pay.

[@drkknath]

Valuable ❤

[@SE45CX]

Hi Jerry, It would be healthy to also distance yourself from compliments from your narcissistic parents, right?

[@genkafioofficial9653]

How is my (blatantly) low self esteem part of a super self when after i went no contact with my abusive parents they actually didn't care at all and didn't try to reach out. It seems to mean me disappearing didn't substravt something from them like a scapegoat they can lash upon to vent stress or whatever else

[@juliej1520]

They want you to go grovelling back on your knees, apologising... worth remembering narc is a mental illness.. they are toddlers emotionally and have the mind of one. What did you think about at that age... yourself!🎉

[@LuigiMario-ni3rj]

Do you have other siblings they can manipulate and use? I have two sisters and a brother. My brother is 31 years old and living at home like a teenager (by that I mean he's not paying bills, they cook dinner for him and clean up after him) -- I went no contact over two years ago and my mom has fallen back on my siblings who are equally toxic. Mom does still attempt to bring me back in by "being nice", but I don't fall for it. A narcissist will never grovel or beg you to come back, nor should you want them to, as long as they have others to manipulate.

[@genkafioofficial9653]

@LuigiMario-ni3rj yeah very true i do have other siblings they vampire onto (yeah i used vampire as a verb, who cares)

[@genkafioofficial9653]

@LuigiMario-ni3rj i have an older sister who dealt with the abuse she experienced by becoming the most horrible person ever treating people like s....my other older sister has dealt with the abuse she suffered a bit similarly as me by becoming a human punshing to everyone

[@genkafioofficial9653]

@juliej1520 yeah i suspect they didn't reach out cause they're waiting for me to do so cause I'm in the wrong ofcourse. That's how they see it

[@eworld007]

My mother says than , you are not you , you are a piece of me and will always be . How to react to that ?

[@prithvipatel5565]

Aha moment for me when you said - you can't have a self-worth if you don't have a self. Wow. Now the question is how do I find my self?

[@pawelczubinski6413]

My family will never let me live

[@moggy992]

Jerry I know someone who is from a cluster b (narcissistic) parenting superself. However, he's got a cluster b (BPD)issue himself and also aspergers. He absolutely loves drama and seems to not want change. He's worn me down as a friend over more than a decade. He's still enmeshed with his family cluster b issues but has become co dependent on me. He's had tomes of input in terms of counselling and life coaching. Still no improvement to date.

[@autumn_in_myheart]

I think childhood trauma is about wrong place,wrong people,,we just make it right place,right people,evrything will fine soon.the bad thing is every negative thinking they have with us,WE think the same to ourself!! .That's the problems.!

[@こなた-m1o]

exactly! it's so so necessary to reverse the crap they put in our heads.

[@Harveyspecter227]

My nmother lets her chihuahua crap all over the house. She puts a pad right outside of my door, so I ask her to stop doing that- because who likes walking out of their room and almost stepping in dog crap? Her and my younger sister make it a fight and accuse me of “attacking mom”. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m still getting the silent treatment for “being bad” and “talking back” Absolutely insane individuals Oh, and yesterday our cousin literally stepped in the dog crap, since the dog craps in the house. Even when you’re right, you’re wrong.

[@richard2720]

Help

[@amyhap8526]

💔💔💔

[@Chuck-se5hh]

The Bible wrongly does not acknowledge that this ubiquitous problem exists.

[@wm17959]

There are no therapists like this in the real world. And even if there were, I'm reluctant to go back into therapy. I'm 65 and have lost all hope that my life will ever change. My parents have destroyed any hope that I might have of building a meaningful life, and now I'm too old to start over. I've been through therapy about a dozen times over the past 40 years and all of my therapist were incompetent. Now the thought of sitting in a room with someone who is pretending to be my friend, and then paying that person feels like prostitution, and I won't ever do it again. At some point I'll just end my life because we're all going to die anyway.

[@pamelajeananderson80]

I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to therapy. There are a lot of incompetent therapists that only want to teach you “coping skills” to learn to deal with the stress of abuse. How does that make sense? Many are not trained in trauma therapy. Esp in the mid west. It’s never too late to start over. I am not super young either but I refuse to give up. God Bless

[@ricalina4371]

Don‘t give up, please. The best day to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. But the second-best day is today. We can‘t start over, but we can start planting, smiles, nourishing words, hand-shakes, hugs, open ears, helping hands… every day. And we can enjoy receiving them, picking them out of the noise. Start planting that „forest“ and you may not need therapy.

[@wm17959]

@@pamelajeananderson80 Thank you!

[@wm17959]

@@ricalina4371 Thank you!

[@DanielStone-yw1rn]

U hear sisters are mean to their brothers alot I wonder why mother's allow that

[@selfgrowthoracle6180]

I want some coca cola.

[@ShyamkrishnanNair]

Healing is possible! Habit10x has been a game-changer in helping me rebuild my self-worth and break free from past patterns 💪

[@monongahelacats]

My mother would call me lazy and say I’d never amount to anything. She even called me a c-word several times. I was always “too sensitive” and “get yourself together”. I’m 60 and having a very hard time with life.

[@Stephmusiculture]

Thank you ❤

[@LindaGreen-ox7es]

Great video