Fern Brady On Being A Stripper, Autism Diagnosis & School In 'A Men's Prison' | Unfiltered

By her thirties, she was a successful comedian, making regular TV appearances. But, away from the public eye, she was searching for answers: answers to why she had never quite “fitted in” and, more pressingly, why she was habitually destroying all the furniture in her flat.
From sex work to stand up, her new book, Strong Female Character, details this 20 year search and her eventual diagnosis with autism.
Our guest today is Fern Brady.
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[@headgirlblues]

All I can safely say is thank you Fern and I have to buy the book now x

[@TheSnailCop]

It is an awesome book! Highly recommend it.

[@headgirlblues]

@@TheSnailCop It arrived today - I'm going in!

[@Esmio06]

I second that!

[@AriKolbeinsson]

Recommended!

[@RickWeberEcon]

You should also borrow it from your local library!

[@HeleddStraker-n2y]

I 100000% agree that having poor social skills is treated as more of a heinous crime than someone bullying them for it.

[@rebornvenus]

Absolutely. It’s treated like some biological/evolutionary crime by Neurotypicals (and sometimes neurodivergents, but that’s more self-hatred) when I often find they’re the ones with worse social skills but they don’t punish themselves for it the way ND’s do

[@derricktalbot8846]

I gave up trying to fake being normal. Been living "Openly Evil" for bit more than 6 years now. It has become such a relief not only to me, but my friends who used to be reluctant to invite me to larger gatherings with strangers. That it is easier for my friends to introduce me "This is my buddy, he is Evil, who've been warned." rather than explaining after someone asks 'WTF?' "This is my buddy, he is a sociopath, sorry." Autistic people do not get the.... social shield... that comes with being Evil. It would be so much more helpful to Society is someone who is can just say "I am XYZ, autistic" when they introduce themselves or go somewhere new.... and have that person understand "OK, new rules." The kids understand this type of stuff MUCH more than anyone before my generation.... hopefully they can reach a point where Society is much more.... 'socially pliable?'.... and old people just get told to "go to bed!" instead of putting up with their "why cant you be more normal?"

[@dgk42]

My daughter, with Aspergers, was treated as an outcast because she didn't communicate as expected by others. Her social skills haven't really improved over the years so she is still shunned. And Autism is worse.

[@joshuacox5817]

Yeah women are very socially demanding, I agree.

[@rebornvenus]

@@joshuacox5817 no one said women in this. You made that generalisation yourself

[@slapshot0074]

How massively refreshing having interviews where the interviewees are allowed to speak and not constantly interrupted.

[@JohnHumkey]

Michael Rosenbaum (Inside of You) is good at it too. Some people you have to Q-A Q-A Q-A because they give short direct answers, but some he can ask a question and they respond with a complete 5-minute story . . . and he just shuts up and lets them go. Sadly, it's a rare skill (an interviewer that's more interested in the other person than themselves.) Fern gives good complete answers.

[@NOREASTER_OUTFIT]

Agreed! Great interview, Fern, I loved hearing your story.

[@Constantin9va]

Now I’m exited to watch!

[@watsonrangi6236]

Here, Here!!!

[@mickylove76]

I miss Craig Ferguson.

[@baguettegott3409]

I'm the only woman I know of who got diagnosed immediately when I first asked a doctor about it, and that's because I perfectly fit the _male_ cliche of an autistic person. I was in my 20s, studying theoretical physics but never even had a first kiss, obsessed with Lord of the Rings and trains, looking unattractive, not making eye contact, and my only consistent social contact was my Dungeons and Dragons group. The doctor said I was just like Sheldon Cooper and sent me off to a specialist at a clinic, who was much more professional, to get diagnosed.

[@livp1835]

What a fantastic comment about being the only woman who was diagnosed immediately. I literally received a formal diagnosis from a neuropsychologist after spending many hours over several sessions. I burst into tears and asked her, "Are you sure? Is there any way I could have tricked the testing?" She replied, "You are one of the clearer cases I have seen; there is absolutely no chance. You are not neurotypical-you have autism." I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and he said he would like to do further investigation. I just couldn’t believe it. It's because I’m a woman, and I do not fit my male psychiatrist's idea of what autism looks like.

[@ScottFunk-us6ro]

Thank God you had the D&D group! That would help with social interaction, since you can use your friends as mirrors to see what appropriate behavior is.

[@ScottFunk-us6ro]

@@livp1835 Turns out that women usually have much less severe cases of autism than men do, the theory is that autism is genetic/inherited, and that the two X chromosomes tend to insulate against the worst of the disease by acting as backup if one of them is damaged.

[@noccer]

I never understood my child being so clever but so volatile and prone to anger outbursts, until now. I just bought Ferns audiobook on the back of this talk. Fern makes things seem so much more understandable when it comes to ASD, her honesty and articulate descriptions of the topic have instantly helped me understand my child and what I need to do to help them cope in this stimulating world. ☘

[@advocacynaccountablity]

Very cool. How wonderful that you're seeking to understand your child.

[@rainbowwwkim]

I definitely recommend Unmasking Autism for your next read ❤

[@donQpublic]

If I may, overstimulated world.

[@rosewein]

Recommend the explosive child by ross green

[@nordicmind82]

Remember, the parent who diagnoses their child deeply hates that child. It is a really dangerous thing to do, to start looking for check boxes to check, out of a hundred (you will without fail find them), and then stamp a label without both medical credentials and impartial distance to do so. We’ve had epidemics of that behaviour around here and docs have at times had to take parents to other rooms and at volume tell them off and warn that they will recommend social services to remove the child if the parent don’t stop that abuse.

[@theresabu3000]

I'm literally crying right now because I've been struggling my whole life with this. Depression, social anxiety, shutdowns since I was 20. Years later I developed chronic back pain and fears - up to panic attacks - and this is the first time I hear it explained that all of this is maybe connected. Thank you for being so open about it ❤

[@rainbowwwkim]

Yeah a lot of us go undiagnosed for a long time. Going to a psychiatrist was a good start for getting my depression and anxiety associated with my autism treated. I hope you can find whatever path to healing works for you ❤

[@z_actual]

social anxiety in particular is a bit of a sidecar to autistic spectrum disorders it is common for the two to be together, and it is thought a lack of serotonin to have something to do with the causes

[@billhanson4921]

@@rainbowwwkim didn't get diagnosed till i was 46 was fucked up all my life had tons of jobs, and a lot like Fern with my nose in a book all the time. same depression, same anxiety panic attacks and the rest..... still fucked but better than i've ever been thanks to citalopram

[@liamo6889]

Get some help Talk to a physiatrist Find one you like Plenty of books

[@SJKM]

Yes. This is pretty eye opening. I've flirted with this idea plenty times but my social skills are pretty good... Though recently most of my friends have been diagnosed as ADHD and everyone loves me for my "brutal honesty". Recently started having panic attacks out of nowhere and have been finding it so hard to regulate my emotions as a parent. Perhaps time to talk to the Dr.! Thanks Fern!

[@ThomasHope73]

Got diagnosed just before reaching 40. Nearly 50 now. Despite being male, I found sooo many parallel experiences, when listening to Fern’s book! It was very profound for me. Am extremely appreciative of Fern’s contribution to the world’s understanding of autistic experiences. 👏👏👏

[@yndsu]

I was told I can't be autistic because I was able to hold a job (I would last about 1 year at a company or position at best), and I was told the same thing about eye contact like what she said. It seems that the expectation for someone with autism is that unless they act like Rainman and are a savant in music or maths, they can't be autistic. Also, about the treatment of ND's by NT's, just think of Big Bang Theory. Sheldon is autistic, and if I remember correctly was actually based on an autistic person the writers knew. And his lack of social skills and him being particular about where he sits and so on is all treated as a joke. His autism is a joke for the viewer. To the point that even though he is obviously autistic, the creators of the show never say it, because to say it would mean to say that they are making fun of a character with a disability because of their disability. So while you can make those jokes, you can't be clear about it, because once it is not an open secret that they are disabled, it would now become politically incorrect to make an autistic character the butt of jokes because of their autism. So let's make fun of him, but to justify making fun of him, don't say he is singled out for his disability.

[@mattmays9063]

I recently stumbled upon Fern's absolute GEM of a personality and humor when she appeared on Taskmaster. She absolutely crushed on the show, and I've been working to become a fan ever since. Fern, you're an absolute one-of-a-kind talent and person. I hope you see a ton of success internationally in whatever you pursue.

[@Z_Snowball]

well. as a 38 year old guy who never fit in at school or college, got a late diagnosis at 20, whose parents were emotionally unavailable and full of secrets and lies, has been terminally unemployed since 2008 and has been estranged from his family since 2017 this video hit me like a train in the best way. thanks Fern, Oli and the team at Joe.

[@seemourbutts6679]

So do you have an actual mental illness or did you just have shit parents?

[@weedfreer]

​@@seemourbutts6679I believe he was being quite clear and concise when he said 'got a late diagnosis at 20' that he has been diagnosed as having a neuro-divergent condition (mental illness being quite inappropriate in this case as illness would imply there's a cure). Parents being ba**ards and having a neuro-divergent diagnosis can indeed both be true at the same time

[@seemourbutts6679]

@@weedfreer I can’t take anyone that says that phrase seriously it is literally just for privileged western people to gain victim status. He doesn’t have a diagnosable mental health problem he is just a screwed up person from his upbringing.

[@forestsunset9617]

I found out I have Asperger's at 45. Big deal. I still got on with my life.

[@weedfreer]

@@forestsunset9617 good for you pettle...good for you.

[@aoifemonahan9846]

Its amazing how Fern's story on being treated fot mental health issues for almost 15 years before being considered that I may be autistic. Her descriptions really resonates with me as I am now learning to adapt. Its amazing to hear this in media. Thank you so much for speaking out and helping others.

[@Redu3]

I feel like for a lot of us adults with some sort of high-functioning autism, seeing Fern Brady become more popular and hearing her articulate her worldview is so so refreshing. It resonates so deeply. Lovely pod :)

[@ComeWhatThey]

The community doesn't really use functioning labels any more, they're quite othering and stigmatizing and ultimately we all have a lot of the same needs, a lot of the same changes we'd like to see to make our lives easier.

[@snackplaylove]

@@ComeWhatTheyAgree that it’s a dated term - but it’s INCREDIBLY useful for me as someone who made it to 40 without a diagnosis to have as a tool to help explain my hidden needs despite my relative successes.

[@loopwithers]

​@@snackplayloveYour own "relative successes" are identical to the "relative successes" of every autistic person ever. You are neither superior nor inferior. That is your strength if you can bear to welcome the idea

[@Juliette_Thandi]

She explained things without it being an explainer video so well.

[@kassistwisted]

I saw Fern in Veldhoven, Netherlands this spring. She was trying out some new material and didn't realise at first that she was playing to an audience of mostly Irish Expats, not Dutch people. =) Read her book right afterwards and it really changed my life. I'm 55 and I've always felt like an alien. Like a person from another planet. I thought it's because I grew up an only child in a retirees' neighborhood, so no one my own age. But I have lived around people my age for 30 years and I still don't understand humans. I have an appointment next week to get assessed for ADHD/Autism. And it's all thanks to Fern that I questioned the medical profession and didn't just accept that "I'm a weirdo". I'm going back to university in August and I am much less afraid of it after reading Fern's book and realising that a diagnosis can help me cope. Also, she is sickly funny and I will see her shows whenever she's in my country!

[@Ebbagull]

Your experience sounds a lot like my father's. They moved almost every year when he was a child, and he always chalked up his inability to fit in as a consequence of that. He finally realized that it might be autism when I got diagnosed, when he was past retirement age. I wish you joy and wisdom! ♥️😊

[@bigduke2140]

EX-PATS? Do you mean immigrants? Only the browns are immigrants right!!!

[@twistedsister1216]

​@@bigduke2140If you earn over a certain amount, you're an expat. So the IT workers from India etc, working in the EU, are expats. I don't earn that much, and I'm white and from the UK... So you could certainly call me an immigrant. Legally speaking, we're all immigrants though!

[@fsutrill]

Do yourself a favor, if you didn’t see Taskmaster, google “fern Brady Scottish boy alien” . She also chose her TM costume to look like an alien bc that’s how she felt for so much of her life.

[@dontyouworryaboutme]

​@bigduke2140 that area of the netherlands has a lot of ACTUAL expats due to ASML being based there.

[@tabithabasye2440]

I was diagnosed with Autism at 39. Pretty much everything she said is spot on. I appreciate this interview & I appreciate she is given the opportunity to speak & be heard.

[@miriamgreen3973]

😮totally relate. When I stopped covering up my opinions I was let go from a 27 year job. I spent the next couple of days in PJs in bed but it opened the door to doing what I always wanted to - teaching art as therapy and reading tutoring. ❤

[@OldLadyMapleSeed]

I’m so happy for you! I hope it works out well

[@Cirkux]

As a foreigner living in the UK I can honestly say that I've never worked with so many functioning alcoholics as I have here. The social acceptance of having three pints at lunch is stunning.

[@mpstein1976]

Never seen this. Lived and worked here my adult life. Drinking at work is sackable offence everywhere. Was brought in because people used to do this in the 50s-70s in factories and had industrial accidents.

[@peterclarke7240]

I think it depends on where you work, what field you work in, and how far up the chain of management you are. As you say, H&S legislation has stamped lunchtime drinking in most settings, but I've worked in corporate sales roles where "a cheeky pint (or three) at lunchtime was normalised, I've worked for bosses who would have boozy lunches with clients and with other senior managers, but equally I've worked in warehouses, charities and healthcare where even the suggestion of going to the pub at lunch is risking a disciplinary or dismissal.

[@JoelWende]

@@mpstein1976I worked at a major museum in London for a year. All of the academics were pissed after lunch 😂

[@I_Don_t_want_a_handle]

@@peterclarke7240 That's true. Been there, done that. However, that is a small percentage of the population. Most people cannot afford to drink at lunchtime unless they have an expense account. And who has that? Heavy drinking is done at night,

[@caroleberreur9585]

Maybe it’s because I’m French (and drinking is also a big thing here) but I don’t think it’s that big of an issue now (I did live in Scotland for many years though and it is definitely more prevalent there). In England, apart from a certain young, no job, no responsibilities crowd, I don’t feel it’s done that much, or at least at the rate it’s portrayed in the news.

[@ketiheagen186]

Fascinating about the melt downs. I have Tourette's and when I was younger my Mom said when I came home from school, I would tic and twitch like mad for a couple of hours, then settle down. I called it decompression. It was tension from holding in tics all day long being released.

[@kathybramley5609]

That makes sense. I've heard about.

[@mihohobaba]

I love Fern. She was brilliant on Taskmaster - she seemed to get the whole ethos of the show, and how it is simutaneously ridiculous and utra-competitive.

[@paulhallas9649]

Why would she not get the "ethos of the show"? Its not a difficult concept to grasp.

[@irresistablejewel]

@@paulhallas9649 The American TV network Avalon didn't seem to get the ethos of "Taskmaster" at all; they cut the show to 22 mins; replaced the prize task with a single prize and their Taskmaster was actually nice to everyone?? The American audience are familiar with straight game shows; that's what Avalon tried to give them, it lasted 8 episodes. Other countries and Fern (who is not a country); seem to understand Taskmaster is really a show where: a tyrannical giant from Wem and his downtrodden assistant; put fellow comedians (and innocent bystanders) through the wringer, awarding points arbitrarily, it's really about "schadenfreude" and Rhod Gilbert clearly understands that concept well. I didn't realize Fern had autism (just thought she was naturally funny); a perfect fit, on one of the best seasons of this show and I like seeing Alex laugh (it's a real compliment).

[@fahrenheit2101]

@@irresistablejewel Sorry, just had to appreciate the ridiculous "Fern is not a country" gag. I'll take my leave, now.

[@krissy55066]

26F, just diagnosed within the last year. I'm saving this video and sending it to my support people. Fern has such a good way of explaining everything that I may have difficulty with! Thank you!

[@R0bobb1e]

Well, you've definitely succeeded in making the next person feel better about their situation, Fern. Not in some cheesy way. I just have never understood why I am the way I am, or why I get treated the way I do, and now I do to a degree. You also helped me understand my son better. So thank you!

[@heyylittleworld2314]

She's so right about alcohol. It's an awful drug that changes most people's moods/behaviour for the worse (in my experience) including myself. I stopped drinking 2 years ago and it's one of the best decisions I've made. I also can't believe it's not common knowledge that it's a carcinogen.

[@jocomfiresin6982]

I have always had a weird vibe with all things drugs and alcohol. I grew up with people I was very close to doing meth, cocaine, heroine, oxies, etc. I can name a thousand ways to get high and I've been, kinda, sober since birth. Due to this whole childhood trauma related to a misdiagnosis and years of being drugged out of my mind on prescription pills I didn't want or need that lead to phobias about self control. So alcohol was always just another one of those things people did to feel better about living to me. I could never bring myself to say no one should be allowed to do that cause I recognize that without those things. Half my closest friends since childhood would have killed themselves before I met them. Most those people are now dead and I'm not even 25 yet but those people definitely lived longer cause of the drugs that killed them then they would have any other way. What I'm saying is... Alcohol is no different then cocaine, meth, or heroine but... don't demonize a substance. Just like those drugs that fucked me up for life and left me reeling for decades to come crippled as a human being. They aren't good... they aren't bad. They could be described as medicine. Yet at the same time they could very well be an extremely toxic poison that not only hurts you but everything around you.

[@killerblingxbl]

It is common knowledge. Most just dont care.

[@justalonesoul5825]

Untrue. Happy people dont get their mood changed by alcohol. Alcohol is a revealer, not a changer. But happy people, people without psychological defect, dont drink nearly as often as people who are not ok inside (yet *seem* ok at 1st glance or superficially...), so it's easy to have an observation bias...

[@TissueCat_]

yeah. i have a hard time trying to keep it to myself around friends and family that enjoy drinking, because its not my place to try to convince them to not drink, but i do worry about their long term health bc of it. i could try to respectfully inform them, but tbh they probably are well aware of the effects and just dont care. and frankly, i dont blame them. look at how normalized it is all over (most) the world, ofc people are going to downplay it in their heads because "everyone drinks so its fine".

[@hannahk.summerville5908]

I love Fern and her book was like balm to my tortured (undiagnosed) autistic soul. Sat in front of a psychiatrist last week who told me after ten minutes "I don't see autism in you" and went on to say wild shit like "an autistic person would never just cry". It's crazy out there for us. Take care of yourselves❤

[@noname-vf1ft]

Are you going to a different psych. to get a second opinion?

[@hannahk.summerville5908]

@@noname-vf1ft Yeah definitely but it will take a while to start that process over, get on waiting lists etc.

[@sandra4equifino52]

Oh that is a really dumb thing to say: my son, diagnosed with Asperger at the age of eight years, now 18, spent years and years to find methods that’d manage his spontaneous crying fits. He got hit by these fits on a daily basis, too - mainly in school. Perhaps the good doc should try going back to school for some competency;)

[@bossyboots5000]

That's awful and shows an alarming level of ignorance. So sorry you now have to start over and find someone new.

[@suntaog]

You're not alone-- though everyone you know irritates you. I just bought her book.

[@willgrime]

Fern’s honesty and openness is simply awe inspiring. Her book and her interviews have clarified so many things. She’s a phenomenal woman, brave, intelligent and completely admirable.

[@jannelahtinenTTPS]

When I used to be a kid, I would get meltdowns. Those have mainly turned into shutdowns as I've aged. This is probably because I learned that having a shutdown and just leaving a scene was (more) socially acceptable than breaking shit, crying and shouting. The problem is tho, that it feels like after having a meltdown it wouldn't happen in a while. If your main coping mechanism is shutting down, I feel like it tends to happen more often. It's really nice to see an actual interactive interview about autism, rather than a monologue in front of a camera or on a TED-stage. Thank you for this!

[@martalaatsch8358]

My meltdowns, both as a kid and now, are just me trying to leave the situation in the most socially acceptable way possible as soon as possible, so I can just cry and stim freely (singing/humming and rocking, usually curled in a ball)

[@gabbajon5654]

The point about neurotypicals expecting social fluency is bang on the money. I've got pretty intense ADHD and am constantly interrupting people without noticing and when I'm working on site I constantly have people kicking off at me over it for some reason. So I've ended up as a quiet anxious wreck and whenever I open up a bit and start engaging in a conversation I get shouted at. So that's fun.

[@MadisonAnne1982]

Wow this comment is exactly what I’ve experienced in my 60 years of life. Maybe I’m actually autistic. It would make a lot of sense of my life

[@gopnikolai7483]

It's not always yourself that's the problem, sometimes people are just arseholes, especially in trades where you can usually say what you want without a bollocking. I'm a HGV mechanic with severe combined ADHD and if someone regularly shouted at me rudely I think I'd struggle not to shout back and purposely try piss them off lol... gotta fight that impulsivity, I don't always realise when I'm winding people up for entertainment and dopamine but some people need winding up, then I'm aware of it.

[@freemagicfun]

Yeah, I will either be not saying a word, or talking all over everyone, and I do not know which I will be until I walk into the room. So I try not to walk into very many rooms. 😎

[@a-ms9760]

The balance takes practice

[@gabbajon5654]

@@a-ms9760 yeah im glad to say i think im getting there. im relatively young and have lost jobs by being rude when i thought i was being friendly and helpful haha. I'm very good at "my job" just not good at the people skills that make up 80% of my job haha. we getting there slowly though, at least i dont work in hospitality anymore thank fuck

[@eozisfine]

That's the best interview to Fern Brady that I've watched so far. I feel very thankful to both of you. & especially to Fern for having talked about meltdowns in her book.

[@LyricalDJ]

As an autist myself it's pretty shocking to hear how many medical professionals in the UK are ignorant about autism.. worse, that they believe complete nonsense. On the insensitivity of neurotypical people: I've always guessed it's because they can pick up social cues and rules automatically or subconsciously (while not having to think about it which can be a flaw in itself). Which then lends itself to an unthinking dismissal or scorn towards those who have trouble in that area. Anyway, good talk. Thanks for having her on.

[@raydromeda3777]

Bullies seem to diagnose autism before the teachers even pick up on it. Teachers just thought that autistic children were difficult attention seekers, that need to be corrected. They side with the bullies that way.

[@dylanl2258]

This girl is so golden. What a legit spirit.

[@danaaxelson6200]

I was former Scottish Highland Games world champion and had the good fortune to go and compete in Scotland. As a Swede I found there was no animosity from fellow Scots who were athletes as well. I enjoyed my time there and noticed the amount of alcohol consumption. I find Fern Brady very funny and this was a great interview. Her views on stripping, and autism were very informative as I was weightlifting coach for Special Olympics and had a very limited understanding of autism. But working with these athletes was very rewarding and I made me often wonder if I had some form of autism. At 70 years old I am fortunate to work with great psychologist and am looking forward to talk about this at my next session.

[@MohammedAli-xv6es]

Definitely going to read this book. So unreal how honest you are about the truth of objectification of women, how stripping isn’t empowerment, and how it leaves a lasting impression on women and men. I find that people who have never done it, or on the opposite end of looking glass see what they want to see, and just numb to the realities of the situation. Unreal this discussion. Man, I just became a fan.

[@pechaa]

Maybe a feminist version of Holocaust denial or of idealizing the Antebellum South in the U.S.? When confronted with the dark side of humanity, it is easier for us to simply deny its existence.

[@caseyminett7394]

But also the flip side. I think alot of autistic girls end up in the adult industry and the biggest pull and what keeps them there is the community. The connection. With other women. As girls who didn't have alot of friends.

[@MohammedAli-xv6es]

@@caseyminett7394 I think it’s difficult to say what draws them in, but it is clear that in the past a lot of people would say “they chose” a particular path into it, but now with Epstein and Maxwell, and even other high profile cases where women were tricked, or forced into it, is reason enough to assume it’s not always a choice. It is also troubling that the most vulnerable “end up” working in the sex industry. That - to me - is strange. I would argue they are targeted for the most part, or are taken advantage of given their circumstances. But then again I don’t know for certain, I haven’t looked at the stats, just stories that are becoming more and more public and horrific the more they come out. Stripping for empowerment (as she’d mentioned) is an oxymoron in a sense, in that, there is no such thing. It’s not always a choice, and it’s not empowering. I just think it’s strange that men and women who are all for “empowerment” don’t tell their own daughters to befriend stripper and prostitutes so they could mentor under them, but do “empower” other people’s daughters to, or lecture that women in Afghanistan don’t have rights, and therefore should be bombed in order to save them. Friendships I think develop, but to argue that friendships are easier in the industry because like minded women are in it, once again, is troubling because of what I’d mentioned earlier. It’s all a scam I think, to legitimize the sex slave industry, and give the John’s reason to ask for the worst type of torture sex for the least amount of money…and in the sex industry, do so legally. To make addicts out of people, and numb them to sex crimes (or worse, legitimize them with “it’s her choice”). It’s all big money, and Brave New World + 1984 all rolled into one. Objective enemies everywhere, can’t do anything about them, so lets just entertain ourselves to death.

[@teresayeates3437]

One thing they say in the industry is rarely does a girl step on stage for the first time straight. They usually need a drink or something else. That tells you a lot. Taking off your clothes while on stage as strange men gape at you is not normal and no one dreams of doing that when they grow up. Self esteem is a major factor, poverty, abuse, trafficking, mental health. So many things.

[@NotAnotherKuromi]

​@caseyminett7394 True also getting compliments, no matter how shallow, are overvalued for people who are unpopular with low selfesteem, which many autistic people are. (Especially women for their apperance.) Plus it being so difficult to hold down a regular job, being autustic and/or woth mental helath problems means people are a lot more likely to try unconventional jobs with flexable working hours and working form home, sex work fits that criteria. Also low effort for maximum reward, its easier to get likes and money from an online account for a not ugly woman showing off her body or doing sex work vs painting landscapes.

[@yammybobo]

Fern's comments about Medics is absolutely spot on. I work in Mental health.

[@cloudfrost8403]

There was a point in my high school career when I got obsessed with Star Trek, and above all with the character of Spock. Now this is already generally considered social suicide. But what I noticed was that Spock was respected on the Enterprise for his intelligence, if not always liked, in a way that I generally was not at school. Spock even had a close friend in Captain Kirk who persisted in getting to know him in spite of their differences. Spock, to me, represented an achievable ideal, socially. So I decided to be Spock. I think the most this ever amounted to was a habit of holding my hands behind my back and a certain reserved stoicism, because I did realise that I couldn't be seen to actually be copying a fictional character. But I can completely relate to Fern thinking a bindi was a solution, because I genuinely thought Spock was a solution. And I was smart enough at the time to teach myself Latin and get an A* in the GCSE. Edit: forgot to add the rather important detail that I am an autistic woman, albeit only informally diagnosed. But I think that is fairly apparent in my comment.

[@InAHollowTree]

I love Star Trek too as a kid, but I went *really* hard on Doctor Who. And being an American in a place where most people had never heard of it made it very lonely to be a fan. Recently, I’ve been re-watching the episodes, which I haven’t seen in about 30 years. His personality, his quirks, his oddness, curiosity, empathy, and intelligence… I’m seeing exactly why I was so in love with it, And I still am. 🙂

[@daviddespain5240]

Star Trek: The Next Generation and all star trek served as an example of a functional family dynamic since things weren't perfect at home..

[@thingnumbertwo2]

This is one of the best interviews I've ever seen. Fern is endlessly intriguing, and the interviewer is insanely good at their job.

[@emmajun2090]

I'm bookmarking this because it has taught me so much about my autism. I'm trying to stim safely and naturally and avoid meltdowns and this made me feel seen.

[@andrewhopper3736]

I have only recently discovered Fern Brady, at the same time that I am going through my own journey of autistic self-discovery. She is profoundly and hilariously insightful as always, and so much of what she says resonates with me deeply, even though my own background and upbringing (and gender) are very different. I mainly came her to say though that Oli Dugmore really is a fantastic interviewer, and we're lucky to have him. As a neurodivergent person, it was gratifying to see him fit his own communication and questioning style so perfectly to Fern's, allowing her space to expand on ideas, and not only allowing the natural (and autistic) drift of topics but actively contributing to it. It looked like a very enjoyable conversation. Superb!

[@g.l.3092]

Was it Taskmaster? That's where I first saw her. She's hilarious!

[@kildogery]

Fern's a legend. Go and see her live, if you get the chance.

[@LaurenBennett-x9f]

Thanks Fern, I’m one of the people that you are making feel better by taking about this stuff. Cheers for your bravery.

[@ajsctech8249]

She a bonnie girl and really interesting person.She has a natural comedic ability in the cadence and rythmn of her speech.Her honesty is refreshing and helpful to others.

[@100hellsonlyangel]

I love Fern so much, and thank you so much for speaking about this openly, its incredibly validating and a great resource to show people in my life that im not the only one that's legit experiencing these things. Thanks for having Fern on this show!

[@helidude3502]

I originally thought her tag line “why is the stripper talking?” was just a clever dig at some of her audience. This was quite enlightening. My ex wife has struggled with misdiagnoses and incorrect treatments for her mental health issues. This was an excellent conversation to observe. Sounds like Fern has found a compatible partner.

[@dgk42]

Finding a compatible partner is big.

[@kathleencove]

Yeah, I’m always perplexed at “feminists” who try to frame sex-work as empowering. It’s not. I’m all for decriminalizing and promoting better labor conditions, and even not shaming people for sexual curiosity in a culture that absolutely stifles any healthy sexuality and causes problems like this to begin with. But you know how pent up abused middle-class workers take out their frustrations on customer service workers and food workers who are considerably poorer than them? Take that concept and put it in steroids when we talk about any sex work at any income range. The clients are under the illusion of a private atmosphere where they think they won’t get caught (for some stupid reason- since they often do get caught), and then they unleash all their pent-up and aggressive sexual frustrations from our sexually unhealthy culture and take it out in the sex worker, exacerbating the already abusive customer-worker dynamic inherent in bad labor practices, by making it something deeply personal and private and intimate that gets wounded in these encounters. A lot of “it’s so empowering” people zero in on a few cherry-picked nice encounters or the fact that sexuality is being put on display and calling that “liberating” (when to truly liberate sexuality, what we need is more tolerance for more forms of sexuality and curiosity within healthy and stable relationships, rather than treating sexuality as a marketable consumerist product put on display like a mannequin). They’ll completely sweep under the rug the overwhelming number of negative encounters, saying “oh that’s just the trafficked people”- umm, the trafficked people and the people signing up because they’re poor are often all working in the same venues together (and on the same websites). They’re all getting terrible treatment to varying degrees. A reality a lot of people aren’t comfortable with being honest about.

[@blahco4tt]

It's probably what men in attendance actually think and probably say. They go there to look at strippers (lustful experience), not hear them talk (relationship experience). It's part of the whole objectification package.

[@IamCurrentlyAscending]

I just came from some of her stand up (great, by the way), and this interview was amazing. She's saying a lot of things we all need to hear, incidentally she's going to end up helping a lot of people.

[@Elspm]

I was so lucky getting my ADHD diagnosis. My psychiatrist was so brilliant that I got totally the wrong idea, I thought they were all brilliant. He did an autistic screening with me as a matter of course, no discussion of me being a woman or anything. It's awful how many stories I've heard of the opposite.

[@tbthedozer]

Meltdowns are a real thing and it’s key to understand when someone is having one not just gone raging mad. Thanks for taking about them and bringing the awareness to fact there is a difference.

[@sonjaveda9832]

Wow Fern is a fantastic person. Not only extremely funny but so informative about autism, which is going to help many and socuety in general. Love this interview.

[@More13Feen]

Loved this! As an Autistic woman it is always so refreshing to hear someone talk about it from actual expirience ❤ would have listened to 3x the time. Bring her back!

[@Ali-e5h1b]

35:31 - it's really inspiring to hear Miss Brady discuss her experiences. It seems we're of the transition generation that openly understands neurodiversity.

[@BGlasnost]

Thank you Fern for illustrating autism in a way I haven't heard before. I exhibit most of these traits, but I'm too nervous to look further into it right now. I think that everyally I will though. Thank you Joe for providing this interview.

[@wmyates17]

Fern is top of my list of people I will go out of my way to listen to these days

[@nemesisproject399]

Love Fern. She's so in tuned, and clearly shows very high emotional intelligence.

[@MizzG88]

Fell in love with fern and her personality on taskmaster, this interview on her description on meltdowns and shutdowns brought me to tears… been looking into getting a diagnosis for over 10 years and always been told it’s my depression and my weed use and get refused help… I will be buying this book as I feel it will help me more than anything has done so far… thank you fern you are a blessing ❤

[@kristinahartman920]

The interview style of "you said X in your book (or a few minutes ago or whatever), tell me more about that" is one I particularly like. You pose the topic and then get out of the way of the conversation, and that's awesome. As much as interviewers feel the need to sound like they've done their homework, this simple approach is really great. And of course Fern Brady is awesome, being open and sharing her lived experience. Saw her on Taskmaster too and loved it. I did think her answer about the panel shows was interesting, I had sorta wondered why I hadn't seen her on some of those comedy quiz shows, and that makes perfect sense.

[@studentjohn]

She's got a really interesting point (she has a bunch of them, but for whatever reason this one interests me the most) that the talent needed to do standup is not 'being funny' as much as 'having t right psychology to get booed off stage and then come back the next night'. I think that, with a lot of things in life, we on the outside of the process end up with the wrong impression about what's needed.

[@Epiphannie1]

This interviewer is so good! He really listens and creates space for the guest. Bravo!

[@DMLand]

What a great interview: transparent and intelligent. She's so aware of herself and the world she doesn't quite fit into.

[@VieenRennes]

First time with this podcast because I love Fern. Great interviewer who doesn’t interrupt for once. Definitely subscribing

[@scme4151]

Thank you for the great content. I am very appreciative about how respectful the interviewer is. He seems to actually treat his guest like a person instead of a cow to milk content from.

[@KaiserSoze212]

❤❤❤❤❤ 😢 for your school / prison Experience. You're the best Fern. You always were.

[@marcuscampbell7305]

Love this girl, her humor, her perspective and thoughtful approach to life.

[@janecme]

Your bf sounds like a keeper. I hope it works out for the two of you. Thanks Joe and Fern - this was such a relief to hear, like a warm bath

[@DorotaGabal]

Thanks for talking about meltdowns! I spend (or used to) most of my days masking so well, that once I figured out I was autistic, and voiced the idea, I get told "I don't think you are, you don't look autistic!", but when I got home, I'd often punch pillows, or literally run into walls, because I really needed to vent all of the pent up everything, and nothing "normal" would help. Screaming in the car is also great.

[@cmwfeb65]

Fern is wonderfully thoughtful and articulate about what my daughters live with daily. It has helped me understand more deeply what happens in the mind of someone who is atypical…including my beloved daughters. Thanks Fern.

[@adrianlindsay3194]

Great episode! Hard to believe that a concept as straight forward as being depressed because your life is depressing is perfectly normal. So the way you feel is actually perfectly normal and depending on how you look at it, it could be a way of your body making you feel like shit in a effort to motivate you to change something so you won't feel like that anymore. Medicating yourself so you don't feel like that is actually madness.

[@kharneater778]

Love this and Love Fern Brady. Hearing her story is almost a carbon copy of my own journey to get an Aspergers diagnosis. Thank you Fern for being so honest about it. Sorry you had to go through the process it's a rough ride. Best of luck going forward.

[@ConanDuke]

Her take on drugs and alcohol is spot-on. We have the same issues in the US with binge drinking and alcoholism. I had to cancel my entire friend group for conspiring to turn me into a raging drunk. They had to cancel me for having the psyche of a standup.

[@thomasbrissee3251]

I very much appreciate Fern's communicating about her life experiences and thoughts. The more of these messages we hear the more we realize we are not alone with our own internal thoughts and experiences. Over the last 4 years or so, I have gone on a serious journey to try and understand my own mental health conditions and hearing others with similar thoughts and feelings helps so much. I have kept my thoughts and feelings to myself for so long but talking about it helps me realize I am not the only one, as I previously thought. To anyone who thinks they are ",the only one", it's not true. We all feel a little off balance sometimes, regardless of what others may see in us. Peace Love and comfort to all humans is my motto now and I work to understand others as I work to understand myself. Don't keep things to yourself and don't worry about what other people might think when you speak about it, because they feel that way sometimes too.

[@jhumberstone6452]

Really enjoyed this, especially the part about weighing up not wanting to look like you're championing a cause and that's your thing vs getting a lot of feedback from people that talking about these things has helped them. What a great, thoughtful interview.

[@abody499]

"The fear of being skint pushes you to play that game" - so perfectly put. Never let a capitalist victim blamer say otherwise.

[@jeanpoole9292]

Fern is such an admirable person. I love her. This is an excellent interview.

[@snakewomangirl]

Fern is a breath of fresh air, she tells it how it is & is raw and honest as well as respectful of others & intelligent. I’m defo on the spectrum & her descriptions & disclosure about how autism is experienced by a woman has helped me understand why I do certain things. I can’t bear being in groups or parties with loads of banter and where you have to figure out what and when to say something funny. It is torture & I have walked out of parties within 10 minutes being there. Such a good interview. Excellent ❤

[@scash5683]

Fern is an very funny comedian and a very interesting and thoughtful woman. This was a great interview. I think she'll help many people with autism.

[@Hermitthecog]

Late diagnosed AuDHDistic here, just realizing that one of the reasons I enjoy Fern's work is that our "unfiltered" approach to verbal communication is so much more comfortable to parse and engage with than neurotypical discussion; evidently it's been my unconscious gauge of social comfort for decades i.e. "how much does this person put me at ease?" Top marks to Fern for always representing our community as the "strong characters" we are.✊

[@dasmaurerle4347]

Her laughter is so uplifting and contagious😂❤❤

[@robertpepper5256]

Meltdown/shutdown definition 31:59 - 33:25 gutted me, as a non diagnosed autistic I felt it all the way through. Interestingly few people have rewatched that section, I’m not sure what that means, but it was profound to me. Thank you Fern Brady.

[@SunnyBeetle1922]

My sister from another mister… I have undiagnosed autism and adhd and don’t like alcohol either. I’m addicted to green tea and vitamin drinks. I’ve given up trying to fit in. Sometimes we can only be ourselves. This is Fern’s superpower, to be authentic. ❤️❤️❤️

[@Alex-444x94]

Im almost 30 my mom casually told me the other day i was autistic, and now my whole life is starting to make a lot more sense... Watching this was very relatable for me, im glad i found this vid. Keep going Fern!

[@hhunstad2011]

I'm a forty year old woman who feels a lot of shame around having meltdowns and breaking my things. They are rare for me these days, but I'm glad Fern has talked about it.

[@DareBear2099]

My 12 year old son is autistic and has had melt downs for years, super relieved to actually hear someone talk about it that’s not in a doctors office

[@nybbleme]

When I heard her story about how she was so excited about taskmaster that she wouldn't be able to get a good night sleep the night before filming and then she'd be tired the day of, I just thought that was so strangely adorable and I was so relating to her as an undiagnosed slightly artistic person because I've definitely gotten like that before... And I just wanted to hug her when she told the story about some mean person tweeting her that he didn't like her accent despite the fact that there have been plenty of people with more noticeable accent Saint taskmaster in prior years. I just found her to be delightful to watch the entire time. I had never heard of her before taskmaster since I'm in the US and I'm not too familiar with British comments but I was delightful to find out about her

[@paulhallas9649]

There is no "slight" autism. You either are or arent. Autism is a spectrum and not 2 autistic people will have the same symptoms, so to speak.

[@sarintodd154]

As a fellow late diagnosed autistic woman, it was so great to see someone talking about it so openly! And not censoring themselves or masking was awesome to see ❤

[@SimonPhillipsPhoto]

Really interesting to listen to and watch, I was also diagnosed with autism but as an adult at the age of 26. I struggled for years with school and the work place, I am also the same with my alcohol and I don't understand why people want to get completely wasted each week and not being able to remember anything. I was drunk once and I hated it. I don't tend to fit in with work places as I either work harder than everyone else or I just don't understand certain behaviours in others, I really have to get to know someone before I can understand their intentions and what they are communicating with me. I can't work in normal workplace 9-5 so what I have opted to do is just focus on my passions and do what feels right for me, Which is my photography and sharing my knowledge which is why I am getting into making KZbin videos, I feel really comfortable in front of a camera, where I know a lot of others aren't. This allows me so much more control and freedom. I feel way better doing something I want in a method that works for me verses something that doesn't which will cause me to hate what I'm doing and also myself when I hit multiple walls when I just can't fit in.

[@EdDale44135]

As a parent of an autistic boy, thanks for sharing your experience so eloquently. I recognize that I need to give him more space and more grace. Because of what you are saying.

[@pedropenduco3180]

Wow! All I can say is thank you Fern. My son has Aspergers, he was diagnosed at 17, 12 years ago, and we went through some very traumatic times whilst we dealt with both his teenage hormonal imbalance AND his Aspergers. Had I been able to watch this interview back then it would have helped SO much. Even now it has opened my eyes to some of the reasons behind his behaviour.

[@Telthecelt]

This will have been a huge comfort to loads of people. I’ve only ever taken a self test online for Asperger (in my 60s!) and came out quite high on the scale. I can empathise with Fern Brady on so many levels. Well done for a super interview.

[@swampje1985]

Her shows are what got my attention, but hearing her in this interview makes me truly appreciate her. This is a great interview by the way, that is a rarity these days.

[@Cliftron]

Fern is so refreshing. She is aloof and razor sharp and beautiful.

[@hannah51238]

Just been diagnosed with ASC as a 36 year old woman. GPs have no idea. I knew something was wrong since I was 19 and I'd been back and forth getting chinned off with depression and anxiety. I have shut downs and melt downs, which is why I thought I had BPD, not autism. The problem is that "girls don't do" XYZ so I, like many autistic women, am very high masking. I'd highly recommend getting diagnosed. It's SO validating.

[@samsonlovesyou]

Who wouldn't want Fern at a wedding?? She's hilarious, smart, and she has great insights!

[@Carrie-sgda]

I love her , shes honest , has good intentions and shes a real person. I find her very relatable , Im neurodivergent, i have dyscalculia and ADD . ADD and ADHD are very similar to Autism. When she spoke of the build up of emotions pushed down and developing into physical issues ,that really got me ,im in that boat. I find pilates helps me too

[@tatianacastro8391]

Thank you Fern for being YOU.As a mom of a autistic young woman all I have to do is to buy your book readed it and make some wee comments before I post it to my daughter.Keep on your journey but never loose sight of who you are.💖💕💜🧚🏽‍♀️

[@DJZarpRix]

Diagnosed at 43. I'll be sharing this with the people in my life who still can't be bothered to learn more about autism, having seen me experience everything that Fern talks about.

[@flemingcourt]

Fern is just so human, so real, and on stage using that to make me cough up my tea and biscuit in laughter. Thank you Fern... not for the coughing up part...

[@TheHouseOfFierce]

I loved hearing her honesty about the nuance and complicated things about being in the industry. And how less empowering other jobs can be, and much harder. That the colleagues are amazing and that the main issue is not making any money but being thrilled about it (despite desperate to make rent). Its a complicated job and although I am a big advocate of having it acknowledged as any other job, so that hopefully in time it isn't something that gets girls disowned from their families- I will be thinking more on the comments about the nature of the work being inherently disempowering and how/if that should mean the industry continues to be supported. For me- as it is DEFINITELY true that lots of 'weird' girls end up in the industry. particularly those that might struggle to get employed or keep employment in other fields- that until we create better and more robust employment options for women (and others) who have a requirement for earning money around other complications/responsibilities, especially where they earn decent money- then we need to keep going with activism to make the industry safer and more respected as for so many its the only or best option available.

[@Somethinghumble]

Thank you, Fern Brady, for opening up about your life and for breaking through all the barriers to be so well spoken and heard by so many. Since realizing that I too fall on the spectrum, I have benefited in multiple ways from the understanding and acceptance. I see it now in everyone. I believe it's a physiological and psychological combo, with possibly more overall ability to adapt to new things hence the reason why the evolutionary advantage is in us all, driving innovation, fueling our rage, and achieving a level of endurance that total follower drone would never have.

[@robinfox4440]

"My super power is nobody wants me at their weddings or birthday parties." 😂 I laughed but I also really really felt that. I haven't been invited to any parties in years and nobody comes to mine. I'm also autistic, and come to think of it, only one person outside of family has ever invited me to their wedding.

[@benmathew8773]

It was great to have this insight about Fern and acknowledge everyone faces their own struggles and challenges that they have overcome.

[@LunaHusky805]

I love Fern. She's so ridiculously adorable.

[@clairevivian3490]

Love how thoughtful & genuine this lady is.

[@Azmodaeus49]

Nice to see another neurodivergent (Fern Brady), I'm also autistic too and fully understand where Fern Brady is coming from.

[@homeless0alien]

ADHD here, completely agree!

[@Hartley_Hare]

@@homeless0alien ADHD here, probably accompanied with autism. I've just turned 50, although I don't know why that's relevant, and I've had a lifetime of not fitting in, offending people and feeling really bloody sad about it. A lot of the American books about ADHD say that it's a superpower, and it's not - it's an absolute bloody curse and I hate it.

[@yangbanho]

Fern, watching this conversation has been a VERY enlightening experience. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@thezaftigwendy]

Thank you, Fern, for talking about meltdowns! I mostly have shutdowns, mostly because I can catch it before it gets bad. But when I meltdown, I struggle to NOT go full HULK SMASH.

[@gracens5548]

Such a good interview. I am a 41 year old female and am quite sure I am Autistic. Fern has absolutely inspired me in so many ways in this episode and I think I'll learn more about pursuing a diagnosis now. It especially resonated when she was talking about sensory overload. I kept feeling confused in my own life, because I would get extremely overwhelmed and then take myself away from the word for days when possible, to recover. From the outside, even to myself, it looked a bit like I was depressed...but I did not feel depressed in my heart. Now I know that is when I am coping with sensory overload. Learning how to communicate with neurotypical people and how to communicate yourself to them can feel like a lot some days. Recently I realized I was judging myself for how I coped with this, but no more : ) Anyway, thanks for this interview!