The Craziest Inventions Tier List

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Human ingenuity knows no bounds. From a skeleton meant to elicit confessions from criminals to a butt-kicking machine to a baby delivery device that shoots the baby out with centrifugal force, these are some actual ideas that actual people have gotten actual patents for. God help us all.
Here are the patents:
The Crime Skeleton
patents.google.com/patent/US1...
High Five Apparatus
patents.google.com/patent/US5...
Butt Kicking Machine
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
Butt Kicking Machine X4
patents.google.com/patent/US6...
Toilet Breather
patents.google.com/patent/US4...
Saluting Hat
patents.google.com/patent/US5...
Rat Treadmill
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
Brass Monkey Ball Drop
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
Plow Gun
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
Bathing Machine
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
Baby Flinger
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
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LINKS LINKS LINKS
www.wilsongunn.com/history/hi...
www.uspto.gov/patents/milestones
www.wipo.int/en/ipfactsandfig...
patentscope.wipo.int/search/e...
patents.google.com/patent/US1...
www.atlasobscura.com/articles...
www.popularmechanics.com/scie...
www.atlasobscura.com/articles...
patents.google.com/patent/US1...
patents.google.com/patent/US5...
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
patents.google.com/patent/US6...
patents.google.com/patent/US4...
patents.google.com/patent/US5...
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22412...
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
www.planetpatent.com/wp-conte...
TIMESTAMPS
0:00 - Intro Sketch
3:34 - History of Patents
6:29 - The Crime Skeleton
8:19 - The High Five Machine
9:38 - Butt Kicking Machine
12:39 - Toilet Breathing Hose
14:18 - Saluting Device
15:19 - Rat Treadmill
17:18 - Brass Monkey Ball Drop
18:14 - The Plow Gun
19:15 - Automated Bathing Facility
21:45 - Sponsor - Brilliant
23:00 - The Baby Flinger

[@TimeBucks]

Great intro Joe

[@Radhakrishna98481]

website is good

[@yapabopi4773]

Good 🌄🌄

[@electronicsfunda5727]

Nice video

[@mgoncalves2011]

👍

[@SumuShamantha]

Good

[@salahudeeniqbal3460]

Can we just agree joe has the most diverse dining room possible? What other room has acted as a boardroom, the location of a time travel bubble and an ASMR testing facility

[@ku8721]

Also where the famous debate of Math vs Maths occurred!

[@diyeana]

@@guntherultraboltnovacrunch5248 so fast forward. I love the skits, and I'm positive I'm not alone in that love. They're far superior to "middle school skits." Joe includes timestamps in the show notes and you can also see them in the line itself.

[@lindaseel9986]

​@@diyeana Well said, well said! 😊

[@BigArt1970]

​@@guntherultraboltnovacrunch5248 Geez grumpy, get over yourself and make your own videos.

[@JoshuaRolen]

I live in the same city where Joe Armstrong who invented the 4-foot butt-kicker lived!

[@lasthopeofhumanity]

The metal monkey is an expertly nailed dad-pun on the phrase "It's freezing in here, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey"

[@codahighland]

That funky monkey!

[@ned_frankly]

That chunky monkey!

[@skpy7062]

This is an actual thing. The brass frames on old war ships that held the pyramid of cannon balls on deck were called brass monkeys. When the temperature dropped far enough, the 'monkey' would shrink and the cannon balls would roll off!

[@codahighland]

@@skpy7062 Sadly, that's apocryphal. A monkey was a naval slang term for a gun, yes, and they could be made of brass, but they could be made of iron too. And the expressions go far beyond just that one -- "talk the tail off of a brass monkey" is another saying that obviously can't be based on cannonballs.

[@stew8584]

I still use this term today , and its "Brass Monkey Weather"

[@jayrey5390]

This could easily become a series - easy enough to create and research while entertaining and educational! More please!

[@giovannyrosales9882]

Make part two

[@EasyWind013]

The intro? Or the episode? Yes...I'm being sarcastic.

[@giovannyrosales9882]

@@EasyWind013 the episode

[@cjc363636]

Yeah, creepy guy selling ideas to billionaire guy could work for sure! Joe! That's good quality sketch comedy.

[@atoth62]

Automated bathing facility sounds like something out of a Wallace and Gromit skit.

[@brieanastraiton3665]

Legit there's a Shawn the sheep episode where the sheep build a human bath for the farmer bc he's gross. They like tied him to a lawn chair when he's asleep and attach him to this crazy pulley system that takes him through the pool that they filled with soap while they have scrubbies on sticks to scrub him then out of the water and through a collection of fans and hair dryers. There's more to it but that's the gist. And yes I have a 6 yo who loves Shawn the sheep and we watch almost daily lol. It's a pretty funny spin off of Wallace and gromit

[@PixelPenguin77]

should be S tier tbh

[@shadnlyd]

Cracking wash, Gromit!

[@KristianWontroba]

Sans the conveyance part, it couldbe a fun novelty for a beach area/water park I guess? 😂

[@ericemenhiser5781]

I was thinking the Jetson's

[@fulmerduckworth8281]

I'm a nurse who works with dementia patients. In my opinion about the human car was is it should be in the F category. Traumatizing the patient is an understatement. When bathing confused patients the best solution for doing it safely is direct human interaction. We have to bath our patients as calmly as possible and communicate with them the entire time. Constant reassuring that they are ok. The whole issue with cleaning confused patients is they do not understand what we are doing and why we are doing it. From their perspective they almost always feel like they are being attacked and which is why they fight us. The more we can reassure them that we are helping and not attacking the better things go.

[@Thelango99]

Back in the 60's, the future dream was having as many tasks done by machine as possible. There even existed a fast food resturant that made the burgers with next to no human intervention (when it didn't break down ofc).

[@andrewroberts4577]

I thought of this more for able-minded individuals who may have physical disabilities that prevent them from washing themselves without assistance. It could provide a level independence and avoid uncomfortable situations where a caregiver would normally have to assist in bathing. My Grandmother died from a fall in the shower bc she didn't want her caregiver to help. This would have saved her life.

[@joescott]

I'm glad to see I was right to be creeped out by it.

[@InknbeansPress]

I appreciate the fact that you are a person who cares for dementia patients and also watches Joe Scott. I also appreciate that you took the time to educate all of us a little bit about the serious, sobering realities of those experiencing dementia. Thank you.

[@offgridcarnivore]

Screw that and them to Canada for end of life care

[@liammcnulty7677]

“For every Quantum Computer there is a Monkey Ball Dropper” truly words to live by

[@liamcollinson5695]

The crime skeleton is just so fun its the sort of thing Disney would make if they owned a prison

[@netgnostic1627]

I want one.

[@GodfatherXXI]

😂😂😂

[@GodfatherXXI]

@@netgnostic1627 😂😂😂

[@nancycowell-miller4321]

Yes! Part 2! And I'm glad you brought the silly sketch opening back! ❤

[@pvic6959]

why stop at 2?? lets have a part 2,3,4, AND 5!

[@octoscorpion2506]

I can't believe he said "can't get someone to touch your little wee wee". I'm still recovering from that 😂

[@AvangionQ]

When part 2 comes out, keep this tier list and expand upon it.

[@codecane77]

He should bring those characters back with every part!

[@pvic6959]

@@codecane77 amazing idea!! YES

[@davidadams421]

"For every quantum computer, there's a monkey ball dropper.", Joe Scott, 2023. I never thought I'd be hearing that when I woke up this morning.

[@KG-VanityInKnickers]

That centrifugal birthing table... I laughed so hard. And when you mentioned the net, all I could think was "that's going to leave a mark". 😂😂

[@drtruth4282]

To find a person with a permanent net scar should be the primary mission of all of us now! We could then and only then determine if this patent was ever put into production. 😆 Thank you, KG!

[@jacquelynsmith2351]

I wanna send to MDJ for her to review...

[@jimjam7830]

I love your opening skits. Not many educational content creators do that and it's entertaining af

[@madhumadhu-pb2yz]

Yes

[@mattegan3439]

Not sure about in the US, but in certain parts of the UK, to say 'It's'Brass Monkeys', means it's very cold. Comes from the phrase, "Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" which had something to do with the means of transporting cannon balls around a ship - when it got cold, the metal would contract, and the cannon balls would fall off it... so the legend goes.

[@iangelling]

I think it’s just colloquial. I’m sure Joe would know this, but apparently the contraction rate of brass would mean that the monkey would have to be huge, or the temperature drop enormous. Like 100c.

[@EctoMorpheus]

This is great, now I just need a science / DIY KZbinr like Nighthawkinlight or Nilered to actually freeze the balls off a brass monkey statue

[@mattgonzales774]

a brass monkey is oj in beer lol

[@justinnatasmai4503]

Brass monkey....that funky monkey

[@mattegan3439]

@@mattgonzales774 Is that how Oranjeboom is made?

[@gcasarotto]

You should make an episode 2, make up a fake patent and mix it in for the audience to guess

[@AvengeTheThrone]

That sounds awesome

[@nicholasadams2374]

Love that idea!! I would already guess the butt kicking machine was a fake. LOL

[@Glocktopus1]

This is an amazing idea

[@0neIntangible]

Definitely more episodes like this, perhaps a series or develop into another of Joe's sub channels. Fans could also possibly submit ideas to Joe, to have an audience vote on; which one(s) could be submitted for an actual patent application, and could be crowd funded by us fans, for the investigative inquiry (discovery of prior similar applications), as well as lawyers and filing costs, if not too prohibitive. Or mebbe not. "Cordless hammer" was one of my favourite goofy quips to my colleagues, when I was in the electrical trade a few years back.

[@papermario3982]

This is brilliant! I hope he sees this!

[@msalazar1879]

Definitely a multi-part series is needed Joe. This subject has so much potential. Perhaps an on-going, never ending series. And in a vernacular reminiscent of you Joe, “highly inspirational”. Who knows what great inventions will spawn from your bringing to light these mind blowing ideas. Even better would be to find the working model of some of these. The possibilities, as with the patent content, seem endless…… I truly enjoy your work, Joe.

[@The_Viscount]

One of my favorite patents was a mouse trap design. It consisted of a pressure plate and a lever. It also had a device to hold a revolver pistol. That's right. This patent is for a mouse trap conversion kit for a firearm.

[@rustomkanishka]

That's extremely American. It's overkill, it might harm bystanders, but FREEDOM.

[@SlyPearTree]

I like that the birthing machine rings a bell when done, that way the doctor does not have to pay attention to the process, they can do something else, like catch up on their reading.

[@davidanderson2357]

Advanced models come with umbilical cord snippers and clampers, plus one of those high-five machines adapted to administer a light slap to the baby's backside so it will start to breathe.

[@FLPhotoCatcher]

I think it would work if it spun at least three times faster. After the kids popped out on it grow up, they will always walk like captain Jack Sparrow, but at least they have a good excuse.

[@aaronarmstrong9776]

Or smoke cigarettes

[@ASHl33164]

Joe, I humbly ask you to PLEASE make a part 2, I’m sick and this really brightened my day!

[@joescott]

Sorry you’re not feeling good.

[@ASHl33164]

@@joescott Awh thanks! I’ll be okay, thanks for the video to help me feel better. My fiancée and I love your channel!

[@MrGaborKukucska]

Here for part too 🙌 and for your full recovery ✨️

[@rodddossantos1437]

You have, have, HAVE to make this an ongoing segment! You said it yourself, you'd have heaps of material to work with! I laughed my head off not to mention learned something new! 😆

[@seanmeiller9442]

As a patent examiner, one of my favorite sayings in the job is "stupid gets patents"

[@panhandlejake6200]

Examiners (& patent attorneys) are a special breed. I have read MANY competitor patents as well as filed several of my own. The phraseology used in patents was very hard to get used to and it is still difficult to interpret in order to understand the specification in a patent. The claims are a little easier. I know that the purpose of the approach is to minimize how an explanation may be interpreted, but it does introduce its own level of confusion.

[@trevinbeattie4888]

14:21 I remember seeing the “saluting device” way back when I was a kid, also known as a “self-tipping hat”. As I recall, the idea was that the device would lift up the hat when the wearer tipped his head forward through the movement of the pendulum in front, allowing hands-free operation. I’m not certain where I read this from, but a quick Google search suggests the book “Weird & Wacky Inventions” by Jim Murphy (1978).

[@h0rriphic]

Ah yes. Necessity. The mother of invention. Chronic hat tipping syndrome is no joke.

[@squelchstuff]

The salute is said to have originated in the Middle Ages. Knights, passing each other on the road, would lift the visor on their helmets so they might recognise each other and as a mark of respect.

[@HippiHelmet]

I worked in a Patent Drafting office for a bunch of years and the 2 craziest things we did was a Space Elevator from a Doctor in Jamaica and a "Perpetual Motion" Device with magnets. We did a lot of Army/Navy things too. Those were mostly flow charts and diagrams with phrases like "Victim Array" and "Less than Lethal" on them.

[@davidanderson2357]

Your comment deserves WAY more clicks.

[@nathanielacton3768]

@@davidanderson2357 He can't. 18 hours ago he was disappeared for talking about Perpetual motion and DoD in the same post.

[@HippiHelmet]

Well my "REDACTED" told me if I mentioned "REDACTED" then I'd "REDACTED", so I guess I'll be headed to "REDACTED" for the time being.

[@HippiHelmet]

The perpetual motion device was a private citizen and he patented the idea, not the functionally. Cause that doesn't exist. Seriously, we did some cool stuff for Lockheed Martin. Like those high altitude balloons and lots of equipment adaptation for the F-16.

[@Andytlp]

@@HippiHelmet 😆😆😆🤫😄😐😬 haha. Perpetual motion... without somehow breaking the known laws of physics, good luck with that, random private citizen. FBI: get him bois he knows too much.

[@eworr]

There was an expression that was very popular back in the 1980s in Britain and Ireland: "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". It sounded great (hey, the 1980s, ok) but few people knew where it had come from. It was an expression used in the navy, I believe. A brass monkey was the name of a kind of frame made of brass that held stacked cannon balls (made of iron). When things got really cold, the (cannon) balls would develop a layer of frozen condensation (water), which could cause them to fall of the brass monkey (the cannonball holder). Hence the frase, "it's real brass-monkey weather" or "it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". So some wiseass has decided to produce a brass monkey dropping balls based on a particular temperature - brilliant if you were alive and swearing in the 1980s in Britain and/or Ireland.

[@InservioLetum]

Screw part two, this needs to be a SERIES. I haven't laughed this much all week!

[@friddevonfrankenstein]

He had me at "pours the milk before the cereal". She sounds like an absolute psychopath.

[@0o0eM]

Wait until you hear that in some cultures people actually warm their milk first (more sensible way), or put the two together - regardless the order - and then put it in the microwave (crazy way, also my way)

[@Andytlp]

@@0o0eM why would you heat it up omg. Cold milk plus berries and fruits and maybe cereal i know is a thing its delicious. Cant remember of one thing where u heat up milk

[@larrywest42]

​@@Andytlp Oatmeal?

[@Andytlp]

@@larrywest42 mm youre right. Completely blanked that out

[@davidlobaugh4490]

Dang you stepping up your game. Excellent acting and camera work. Excellent writing. Killing it buddy good work.

[@ahuber]

My 13 year old daughter has severe mental and physical challenges, including cerebral palsy and autism. When you were first describing the people car wash, I agreed it seemed creepy and inhumane. But on second thought, my daughter loves water and wind and would probably really enjoy a people wash "ride". I don't think she experiences embarrassment, but she is strong enough to hurt herself and others. I don't know how people could be comfortably secured and still get thoroughly cleaned, but I can see the appeal.

[@Aconitum_napellus]

Give her a hug and/or whatever ever makes her feel happy from me.

[@steveg6199]

I wasn't against the idea of the invention of a machine that washes a human that can't wash themselves properly. But I would definitely alter the design of it to be more humane. How about a dunk-tank Jacuzzi kind of design instead?

[@drippingwax]

I once bought a car wash nozzle with a soap dispenser and ever since have wanted a body wash dispenser built into my shower head, maybe with a foaming brush attachment.

[@drippingwax]

@@Aconitum_napellus My brother with autism hates hugs--so I make sure that I hug him regularly.

[@lexmachina8961]

Nah, that's just a stupid idea. Whatever your mental or physical state, you should never be tied when in a fragile situation (naked). If mobility or mental state is an issue, you treat humans individually and humanely, not like a car. This is by no means a problem solver or an improvement in the way we treat people.

[@Deadlyish]

The rat treadmill reminds me of the shrimp treadmill controversy. Something that sounds ridiculous but actually has a worthwhile contribution to make to research (shrimp treadmill helped measure safe levels of pollutants in water by measuring their effect on shrimp's health).

[@unlucky5442]

Love this topic. Both my parents are patent attorneys so I've grown up hearing a lot of funny stories about that. Like they get people every year who claim to have invented perpetual motion devices and other infinity machines.

[@whatbroicanhave50character35]

Imagine calling yourself an inventor and submitting patents without knowing or understanding the second law of thermodynamics

[@mldir4973]

@@whatbroicanhave50character35 ppplplpppppppppppppplpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

[@adb012]

@@whatbroicanhave50character35 ... Right, or not understanding that perpetual motion machines actually violate te FIRST law of thermodynamics. Imagine that!

[@whatbroicanhave50character35]

@@adb012 How exactly is it that it breaks the first and not the second? First is conservation, second is entropy if i remember right. A machine or system that never loses energy through waste (is the waste the part that involves the first law?) and never moves from an ordered to a disordered state is impossible due to entropy. I'd love to know how I'm misunderstanding this if you wouldn't mind explaining it to me.

[@adb012]

@@whatbroicanhave50character35 ... First law is conservation of energy. A perpetual motion machine produces net work without any external source of energy and that violates the 1st law ALWAYS. The second law is more strict and it can be stated in different forms. One easy form is that no thermal machine can have an efficiency greater than an ideal Carnot engine. An ideal Carnot engine always has an efficiency smaller than one, so a theoretical engine with an efficiency less than 1 (it gives out as work less energy than the energy you put in as heat) but greater than the ideal Carnot engine efficiency doesn't violate the 1st law and would not be a perpetual motion machine (if you take the work of such engine, convert it 100% into heat with 100% efficiency, and use that heat as source of energy for itself, it will not run forever), but is is still impossible because it would violate the 2nd law. By the way, such an engine would also make the entropy of the universe diminish (which would be a violation of the 2nd law stated in a different way: the energy of an enclosed system always increases). And by the way # 2, it can be demonstrated that machines (engines, refrigerators, heat pumps) with an efficiency better than Carnot's ideal machine (i.e. machines that violate the 2nd law but individually don't violate the 1st law) can be combined in a way that violates the 1st law (i.e. the combination would be a perpetual motion machine). That is a way to demonstrate the 2nd law: If it was possible to violate the 2nd law, it would be possible to violate the 1st law too, which is a contradiction because the 1st law cannot be violated.

[@squallloire]

Fairly sure "saluting device" in this case means a device for giving salutations, from a time when a tip of the cap was a common greeting.

[@kitefan1]

I think you are correct. Possibly for someone who didn't have a free hand for some reason such as injury. Ah, the age when everyone wore hats. 🤠

[@MK_Peace]

Bring on part 2, Joe.. this 1 was highly entertaining😂

[@grug_in_aus]

Yes to part 2! Loved them all! I think you did the "Saluting Device" a bit of an injustice however - it most certainly had a place in it's time. Especially in the 1800's, lifting your hat ("I tips me lid") in greeting was commonplace. That said, a machine to do it for you could be considered rude. I do love that it is triggered when you dip your head or bow. 🤷

[@danatowne5498]

I thought the same thing! Being able to use your hands for something else (pre cell phone) was pretty ingenious, I think. :)

[@CyclonicNinja]

We definitely need a part 2, this video was both fascinating and hilarious

[@tigershirew7409]

This was a super fun episode! I would love to see you do a part 2. In the vein of the high 5 and butt kicking inventions - Simone Giertz built a "Proud Parent Machine" on her youtube channel that pats you on the shoulder and tells you it's proud of you. It's a very fun watch (she got Adam Savage to do the voice for it). She didn't patent it (maybe she should?) but it this case it actually got built and exists. She did it about 3 years ago (in order to find it search her name and proud parent).

[@johngatewood4638]

Simone is the best

[@notmyname327]

Yes! I immediately thought of that video

[@LogjammerDbaggagecling-qr5ds]

That's super depressing if you actually think about it.

[@brandonlaird6876]

I forgot about the Proud Parent Machine, but I was going to mention her alarm clock which slaps you awake. Slaps you over and over and over again.

[@RisingRevengeance]

Simone has the weirdest but fun projects

[@fredbloggs5822]

"It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" 10/10. 🤣

[@hw2k]

I was a little bit put off when you mentioned the tier list, but after watching the full episode and also seeing your excitement about the idea, yes please! This needs to be series 🙌

[@gabe101science]

Man, that last one. I worked as a Medical Assistant in a Alzheimer's and Dementia care home, and HALF our job was cleaning people. I mean that machine looks horrifying, but something that serves that purpose would be a godsend. Especially with the medical staff shortage here in the states.😊

[@sunshine3914]

Wasn’t the last one, tho.

[@guacamoleman87]

​@Sun Shine they stopped watching at the brilliant ad..hahah

[@CJXcars]

@@guacamoleman87 maybe they wouldn't last through the last one so maybe it was a good things lol

[@MValle-kp4ki]

This comment is hilarious 😂

[@michellethong8476]

DEFINITELY want a part 2! This was hilarious and I'm glad you got to do your first tier list!

[@eltebux]

Now theres a part 2

[@superwhine]

The crime skeleton BETTER play the bad to the bone riff as soon as you confess.

[@dedy4games146]

The crime skeleton is my favorite piece of trivia that I had forgotten about, thank you!!

[@samuelthudi9181]

The effort you put into your sketches are next level. You are my favourite KZbinr of all time, hands down!! Comedy and Science. Heck yea!

[@scrappydoo7887]

I wish I could like this multiple times 😄

[@Nanno00]

That last one, no one needs to make that!!! Lol. I’m a mom of 3 and even though giving birth IS hard, there is NO WAY anyone is strapping me to that contraption ! Hahaha Please part 2, Joe! And I LOVED your opening skit!

[@momszycat4148]

I agree!

[@emmaconnell2586]

Snap!! I'd be sick and faint!

[@0o0eM]

I mean, the child is not the only thing that comes out during labor 😳 I wouldn't want to be appointed to paint the walls...

[@momszycat4148]

@@0o0eM 🤣

[@Nanno00]

@@0o0eM touché

[@computerjantje]

LOVE your acted scene as an intro to the subject. I know it must be a lot of work. Writing a good and funny dialog and then act it out and edit it. It came out great. Thank you for the video :)

[@cyber_dildonics]

Getting confessions for a safer world: C tier Slapping an object: B tier Cool biases, Joel.

[@Bran-don321]

This skit really shows the range you have. You sir are an excellent educator, you have a knack for making learning painless and fun. I think a part two would definitely be worth making.

[@1.4142]

There needs to be a subreddit dedicated to crazy patents, especially with so many new ones coming out each day.

[@freelunatwo]

FIR filters are fairly common. The patent you mentioned is probably related to the application. When I was working in disk drives, we generated a lot of patents which ended up being used like a currency with other drive companies.

[@GBart]

"Wouldn't making a tracking device that elaborate be extremely difficult?" "Actually, it's super easy, barely an inconvenience"

[@HelgeMoulding]

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" - A few decades ago me and my friends were debating the origins of this, and I got the distinct impression one of them filed that patent just to have something to point at and go "haw." After looking up the patent again I don't recognize the name, but of course that kind of joker, while not common, isn't going to be unique.

[@katzenjamma]

In answer to the origin debate: A brass monkey is a brass triangle that held cannon balls on a ship in a triangular pyramid stack. When the temperature would get cold enough, the brass would contract just enough to pop the balls off of the brass monkey and scatter them across the deck.. hence the phrase.

[@mrjoe5292]

@@katzenjamma That's way less fun than my mental image of a monkey made of brass having his balls fall off because it's too cold.

[@YahyeAli-ki1wt]

Someone should invent a machine that tells you every missed opportunity in your life and shows you how it could have turned out

[@davidanderson2357]

It already exists. It's called a mother-in-law.

[@thetangieman3426]

@@davidanderson2357 100% of divorces are caused by a wedding.

[@MikeOxtinks]

Insomnia

[@MikeReevesMcMillan]

The high five machine reminds me of Simone Giertz's Proud Parent Machine. You put a quarter in the slot and it pats you on the shoulder and a recorded voice (Adam Savage, as it happens) says, "Proud of you, son." She made it during lockdown. It was a crazy time.

[@anonymousrex5207]

Definitely want to see more crazy inventions... looking forward to parts 2 through 10. Love the channel!

[@aliensoup2420]

I knew a woman that explained to me her idea to patent the lever. It was a special purpose device for raising a warning flag on recreational boats, but it was really just a stick with a fulcrum attached to the side of a boat.

[@HeisenbergFam]

I respect the amount of effort you put into the skit, its always nice when KZbinrs put extra dedication to the contenr

[@jamesblackburn8110]

its always nice when KZbin commenters put extra dedication to the last letter of their commenp

[@RealBradMiller]

@@jamesblackburn8110 How rude. You should apologizr

[@andrewhall5150]

@@jamesblackburn8110 This type of comment is exactly why the comment section is so toxic, this is absolutely disgustinf.

[@ivoryas1696]

@@andrewhall5150 I can't help but agree tbg

[@L33Reacts]

I love it when bots pretend to be peoplr

[@stephenluttrell8958]

I feel like if I walked into an interrogation room and a novelty skeleton started asking me questions, I’d have to confess just so I didn’t laugh to death.

[@PerpetualBass]

I got so excited when you read out the latest patent about the analog signal! Bass-to-MIDI time, babyyyyy

[@michaelaugustin1510]

I absolutely LOVE this whole video. Please, please, please do another one. And thank you for raising my spirits and inspiring me to patent my elbow-moisturizing machine idea. 😁

[@Vee_of_the_Weald]

Brilliant! I love how the inventors of the centrifugal birthing table didn’t consider how this little thing called gravity works so much better than a crazy magic roundabout.

[@darksu6947]

Gravity sucks............it's a black hole joke 😂

[@tiarezavaleta8850]

I know. Thinking how men were the ones recommending giving birth ying down in a bed, that doesn't surprises me.

[@tycho_m]

Sure but gravity is pretty much set at 1g... Increased the radius of rotation of the baby flinger a little and you basically get SpinLaunch! A whole new meaning to space camp for kids

[@fostena]

Yeah, right? How about a bungee birthing harness?

[@CaptainMisery86]

​@@fostena baby comes out the wrong end that way

[@asiabrew81]

I find it a low key tragedy that two butt-kicking machines were highlighted in this video and not ONE Red Foreman joke. It was right there!

[@CMKSDO]

I worked with the rat treadmill! Was used in a neurobiology lab I worked at in college. Has been a while since I worked in that field, but at the time there were in fact some newer training paradigms that showed some promise.

[@Puerco-Potter]

I exploded laughing at the idea of the baby hitting the net, the bell sound and a green light "baby is done" style.

[@Bob_Jones_]

someone invent an 'atta boy' machine for joe, to keep his morale high and keep pumping out great videos. I vote for a part 2

[@vlmellody51]

Me too!

[@nicholasmoore2590]

Joe, you have got to bring us more of these!! Fascinating and funny video, loved it.

[@odiprofamunvulgus]

I thought the plow gun was my favorite but, every other one after that was more ridiculous than the other. Well done!

[@dpittman42]

I would watch a reality show that is just a house full of Joes interacting with each other.

[@JayJayJupiter]

yes

[@ctakitimu]

Bork

[@TSS554]

I started watching your videos when I was in high school and now I've been working for a couple months at my first job out of college. Time flies! I love your videos Joe and I hope you keep doing what you do!

[@honkytonkinson9787]

Bowling induced my wife’s labor. Delivery date was projected around third week of January. We were doing date night on the day before New Years Eve, went bowling and the contractions started coming about 5 min apart, so we dipped out early and got a room at the hospital.

[@kelleh711]

The fact that the horse murdering plow got E tier is indescribably funny to me

[@eugenej.6331]

Finally, a patent that combines the spookiness of Halloween with the effectiveness of a guilty conscience-next on Shark Tank: The Crime Skeleton, the scariest legal tool since lawyers!

[@Tarquin2718]

Can you please make 50 more of these, you don't need to spend to much time on any given patent. It is just so cool to hear about these. 2 minutes per patent? As long as you find it funny we will 🙂

[@InservioLetum]

The monkey ball dropper actually has a correlary from the ancient world. A chinese (correct me if I'm wrong) urn with a pendulum inside, connected to pushrods extending out through the urn wall, each attached to the lower jaw of one of the little dragons around the outside of the urn. Each dragon had a metal ball clamped by that lower jaw mechanism, which dropped when the pendulum swung towards that direction. I believe it was an earthquake detector or something like that, but the concept is basically like tilt indicators on modern freight.

[@archonsouthpaw8690]

the bit at the beginning was priceless, great acting and dialogue

[@metafora89]

If you combined the high-five machine with the butt-kicking machine you'd get a butt-slapping machine, and I do see a future for that one

[@scienceface8884]

Look at you, just giving these great ideas away for free. File a patent already!

[@NickRoman]

Along those lines, Mark Rober quit working for Nasa and instead does things like create squirrel obstacle courses, in his spare time for fun. I find his abilities to create stuff impressive, whatever he's using it for.

[@jakeconner2813]

Every time I have to interact with middle school boys, I would like to have the automated human bathing device

[@mitznc]

Crazy inventions are one of my favorite things. I can't believe you only had one from the Victorian era. They had so many! One of my favorites is the Tempest Prognosticator, displayed at the Great Exhibition no less. You should just start another channel totally devoted to crazy inventions.

[@CAMacKenzie]

I remember seeing a self-operated butt kicking machine in a cartoon on TV when I was a kid, back in the 1950s. The cartoon may have been older, like '40s or '30s. The operator/kickee was a criminal in jail, kicking himself for being so stupid as to think he could get away with whatever crime it was.

[@watashiandroid8314]

You either have amazing memory, found that extremely funny as a kid, or it is one of those totally random moments or things that a person will remember but have no idea why. For example, I for no reason very specifically remember looking up one day when I was 12 and seeing 2 jet contrails making an "x". Random.

[@CAMacKenzie]

@@watashiandroid8314 Ya, it's funny the things a person remembers. I hadn't thought of it for decades, over 60 years, until Joe showed these machines.

[@KJKP]

The reason the high-5 machine mentioned so many options, is because part of writing a patent is to anticipate how people will bypass the patent-by adding a larger hand, famous hand, etc.

[@AndrewJohnson-oy8oj]

Or you use the oversized hand to pretend it's your father high-fiving you as a kid...I've revealed too much...

[@matternst1442]

Or a hand 👌🍆

[@bminerrolltide]

For whatever reason the human car wash had me absolutely rolling. 😂 When you said it was probably for mental hospitals I laughed so hard I cried. Am I going to hell? 😂

[@chadthomasriggs]

Fun fact: The inventor of the butt kicking machine also patented a machine that would automatically pick one up by their bootstraps with an auxiliary patent awarded for the automatic faceplant machine.

[@onlybecauseoftime]

Part 2 please! I laughed my butt off, no kicking required 😂

[@denniskessler7983]

Great video Joe. I'm a retired engineer and what I love about design is learning from my mistakes. I always said when you don't know what to do, do something, anything and at least you will learn what not to do.

[@masstv9052]

Have u created any patents?

[@Kevin_Street]

That's a really good idea, just so long as that first action is easily reversible. It would eliminate choice paralysis.

[@sarahelizabeth6695]

Please make more like this! I would even watch a whole series of these.

[@privateprivate404]

I love you. I just love you so very, very much. Laughed for at least 20 out of the 27 min segment. Thank you for your hilarious content & subtle delivery of true comedic genius. I f*ing love you man!

[@tchersey1]

I liked the brass monkey and balls device. I did some research on the term "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". It was a dimpled brass plate that held ship canon balls called a brass monkey. When it got cold enough the brass contracted allowing the canon balls to roll off.

[@scribehades]

I was hoping they were going for 'hot as balls'.😆

[@Thurgosh_OG]

I knew this but then, I'm British and the Royal Navy has been a big thing in our history for centuries.

[@cacoethes1366]

That’s just a myth that’s been debunked.

[@rj7411]

Love when Joe plays other characters than his usual character. LOL

[@PMA65537]

They are all real. He has multiple Joe disorder and is often watching us on the tangent cam.

[@watercourseway]

This episode is. Freaking hilarious! And I love the way Joe Scott presents it. His sense of humor is spot on! 😂. Part 2 please!

[@Feliciaisprettydamngood]

This was very entertaining! Looking forward to the second video. Love your work!

[@rpastorchik]

Great intro Joe and your ability to keep a straight face through some of these does not fail to impress! 😆

[@robdouglas8078]

Having dabbled in patent applications, this hit close to home. I know how hard those people worked to get the patents filed AND I can appreciate the true hilarity of the F Tier. Thanks Joe! I was recovering from your AI update video and this was a good one to come back to ;). Keep up the fantastic work!

[@robynsmith4164]

Hey Joe! Your hair looks really good. I’m not sure if you got a hair cut but the way the back of your hair flips out looks great and is in style. I also like the way you styled your "bangs" by brushing them into the side of your hair. I just wanted to let you know that you’re looking good and I really enjoyed this video about some of the crazy patents filed in our country since the 1800’s! Love from Texas ♥️🤠🌴

[@ZackC]

“Too many confessions are given under duress. So here’s a skeleton with glowing eyes who haunts the suspect.”

[@gowensbach2998]

I wish I had patented some ideas I had as a kid. Years later, those ideas became real.

[@karmazaneyaz4064]

I think the "finite impulse response filiter and receiver" is kind of an improved Analog to Digital Converter/Digital to Analog Converter/SDR device that when used to capture a specific radio signal (for instance, espcially given the diagram shown next to the patent's quotation) it ultimately is able to store digitally a signal that when reproduced doesn't rely solely on many small samples taken used the Nyquist Sampling Theorem's dictum (which leaves a record of discrete value points that need to be put through a DAC's "Connect the Sinusoidal Dot"'s process in order to reproduce a nearly perfect (in 99% of cases where irregularities probably approaching the planck length at this point) analog version of the captured signal/data/etc. What this means is that while our own government has restricted the export of high powered, high frequency ADCs and DACs in order to keep the ability of quick pulse burst RF communications a technology in the dark, this patented machine would be able to detect the signal no matter how quickly its phase shifts, frequency modules, amplitude modulates, etc.... At least this is my guess, I had a seizure not long ago so I may not be pulling all the correct info together, but I feel confident in my thoughts put in text here.

[@oldmandoinghighkicksonlyin1368]

"I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends." - Kids in the Hall _Brain Candy_

[@PierreH1968]

I love that video! You found a throve of captivating nuggets, fun, interesting, and sometimes absurd information that required a lot of work and focus.... please find more

[@IblameBlame]

In the International Patent Classification system there are actually a few subclasses dedicated to "alleged perpetua mobilia" because so damn many patent applications break the 2nd law of thermodynamics.

[@ctakitimu]

I'm pretty sure I can make a perpetual motion machine at least as good as anyone else's. I'll need batteries...

[@StevenBanks123]

Intro wonderful wonderful wonderful. Good acting! As for the human car wash? Sign me up. Wax is extra.

[@gaussmanv2]

I absolutely want a high five machine. I would bring that everywhere. For the baby flinger they need to add the hockey horn as well with flashing lights.

[@bmobert]

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass mo key." Yep. My father wanted to make the same device.