Jordan Peterson - How PSYCHOPATHS ACT in a RELATIONSHIP

In the early stages of a relationship, both parties are looking through are rose-colored glasses that they do not see the early warning signs that they are dealing with an emotionally manipulative person. Dr. Peterson says that if you do get in a relationship with such a person, that you'll be regretting your decision to even get involved with the person. In this video, Dr. Peterson details the signs you should look for when starting a new relationship with a new person.
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[@thechancellor-]

To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.

[@NeqMed]

Thank you chancellor, that insight is so kind And gives hope. What Dr. Pearson speaks of here is relevant to me. After 30 years of marriage.

[@vincemcmahon1383]

Thank you I needed to see this I feel like I'm stuck around toxic people in my life I need to step out to save myself I can't take it anymore. That emotional manipulation is destroying me.

[@filmonmicheal1593]

Thank you sir

[@jaraman9]

Thank you friend. Much love to all of you guys!

[@thechancellor-]

@@NeqMed You welcome 🙏🏾. Thank you for your kind words.

[@hezmydaddyo2722]

“Don’t put up with any nonsense.” Important statement.

[@lilmayomouldycrouton170]

Never put up with it, but NEVER behave or live on as if its not there. Turning a blind eye to this evil is what turned my... spouse and my mom against me, as if life is some game to them scapegoating pre existing life long diagnoses rather than stand up and tell the truth. The WHOLE truth. As a victim, and believe me, I do NOT want to end up a victim at the end of this, I am disgusted by the lack of common sense in my spouse to name the violator and protect me, protect my life and dignity and sanity itself, let alone the tools this thing destroyed for me to re-build my life No bible? "No problem!"-years of being abused and called the abuser. A sick and unforgiveable mind game played by the one person I trusted.

[@visualblacksmith2100]

Yes. Once you accept something outside your own personal boundaries, the precedence is set! … Decades later it continues. Been there but finally said Enough was too much!!

[@jamesphan8164]

He brings up a very good point there. I was with someone that constantly wallowed in the depths of her darkest moments, revisiting them over and over again, struggling through depression and putting herself in the victim's position despite being told to go see doctors, go see therapists to start to heal. I fell into that mindset of "I love them, and I'm all they've go, so I have to stay." And despite my best, ignorant efforts, I couldn't keep carrying the two of us on my back forever. Things broke down. We argued and fought. And when she all but straight up admitted to attempting to cheat on me with one of my best friends, that was the end of that. Sometimes people will say they want to be loved, helped, saved or whatever and don't actually mean it, dragging idiots like me into the depths with them.

[@jonathanmiller2441]

It's called a vulnerable/covert narcissist and it's a cluster B psychiatric disorder like BPD. Hard to identify but once you know their script you can see it a mile away. Sorry you had to deal with it in your lifetime but cheers to finally walking away, beware their hoover step and stay strong man.

[@michaeljohnson9817]

I have an almost traumatic experience with my uncles fiancé that’s similar to that. I’m 19 years old. She was kind of rude to my uncle beforehand and he was super nice to her, anyway we went to a theme park for thanskgiving and she didn’t go on one ride with him and only went on one with me. One time she literally said to his face in front of everyone look who I’m marrying how am I supposed to be submissive and quiet to this guy and she was being dead serious. Anyway she hasn’t cheated yet as far as we’re aware, but I think she totally would. Also she kind of freaks me out and gives me cougar vibes. She frequently stares at me, and tries to get physically closer to me than I’m comfortable with. I’m really scared to tell anyone this.

[@michaeljohnson9817]

She also seems really suspect because she has 3 backup Instagram accounts with none of her pictures on it. Which makes me think she’s using the extra accounts to cheat on my uncle with other dudes right under his nose.

[@johnsmithwesson9996]

That is exactly what happened to me.. Except she cheated on me by starting a relationship with another lady after 2 years. I carried her through her darkest moments. Never got annoyed or raised my voice despite the abuse I got. Keep strong brothers and sisters.

[@mm5467]

@@michaeljohnson9817 You should tell your uncle before she does something that will ruin your life.

[@darylkik6204]

You will never be too much, for someone who truly loves you. I had forgotten that and became lost. Finding who I am is hard after so many years lost.

[@SK-ut6tw]

He explained the feeling of betrayal better than I ever have heard.

[@zKaya]

Inde4ed he did.

[@gulzaman556]

truee

[@recoveringsoul755]

Everyone should hear this. The younger the better. Learn how to spot toxic people, and decide if they want to BE toxic or not, considering how much damage it does to the innocent. It reminds me of that evil experiment done on concentration camp victims. How many times can you break a bone in the same place before it won't heal again? Only instead of a bone, you're betraying trust

[@LongRidgeFarmer]

If you are in an incompatible relationship and you have realized how harmful it is you may have forgotten what it is to be you. Don’t forget who you are, if you can’t be you get out.

[@techrev9999]

I think that, for me, I remember who I am, but for now, the things I know I love aren't working the way they used to. That doesn't mean I've lost it. Part of it is that I've become more aware of some things that really disrupted my understanding of the world throughout the experience, and less trusting. But I would rather know than not know. Just, to put myself back together, I need to learn the difference. That normal people still exist, but dang - it's frightening. I had so many misconceptions, and cared about so many people who didn't care about me back. It really messed me up. But, bit by bit I'm putting my world together in a way that might work. Mostly, I'm just suspicious of everyone I'm friends with, my family, everyone I'm close to in any way. It makes any interactions really difficult.

[@WhatTheHellRachelle]

This is so true. I lived as an avatar for more than 2 decades. I’m free now and I’m seeing my dreams come to life. I’m so grateful I held on! 🙏🏻

[@WhatTheHellRachelle]

@@techrev9999 Life is short, don’t live a life you aren’t happy with, you deserve more. 🙏🏻✌🏻

[@muscles_ann_mascara6194]

This is good advice. Thank you. ❤❤❤❤

[@muscles_ann_mascara6194]

@@WhatTheHellRachelle You sound amazing. Congratulations!!!!

[@OrionBlaze]

This not only happens in romantic relationships. Your best friend can also be a psychopath that wants to hurt and use you. It’s hard to tell until you get completely betrayed and then is so hard to understand wtf is going on.

[@gyurebalint]

What happened to you I'm curious?

[@kellihunt3271]

I am very interested to hear your experience. I have a friend I knew as a kid we grew up together. Our families were alot alike. We linked back up in 09 talked on the phone. Then I divorced. I had a severe wreck. Alot happened. In 2017 we talked again then hung out as we were living in the same area. I knew things were off as soon as I saw her how she interacted with her daughter. She had not changed much as far as maturity. She had been thru several men. Troubled daughters and her new choice if men had drug problems. BTW g Her daughters were with a married man. He NVR left his wife all the way for her. So she didn't want her kids much after he stopped talking to her going back to his wife fully. She had issues with money she still tried using her sexuality as a weapon. This person has had her daughter at 15 with a 37 yr old man and acted as if nothing was going on when I was around. Then all the sudden when I talked about it to others she acted all omg has he been at my kid sorta thing. She has in one way or another caused alot if problems for me. My son up and starts dating her daughter and the 2 are same. They lie they never are accountable they start some big drama then act like they ain't responsible for lives getting messed up. I left my boyfriend. Went to stay w her over the holidays as I was going to be alone so after Christmas I went home and was locked out of my house I roommated w my brother. He kicked me out! Of course she was there to help me of course. I lost my job so I as a disabled spine patient walked to get a job around her area but no1 would hire me. Then I get hired she kicks me out. She had nerve to get mad at me and blocked me. My son was welcome. I was out. I found out later it was all to get mykid with kid. It's been hell. A nightmare.

[@lisalisalisalisa7]

This literally is currently happening with my "best friend". We have been so close for 5 years (not a hell of a long time but long enough to think you know someone pretty well) well a few months ago, her whole life started falling apart- work, home, with her husband and her daughter. And of course I was there to support her however she needed and of course she exploited that at every turn she could. I knew I was only hearing her side of things and yes, I was bias because I have always seen her as a strong, capable, rational person so I didn't really question what was at the root of all of her issues. She recently told me she had an opioid addiction, to which I was stunned. How did I not see it?! How was I not able to tell she was getting all whacked out and I was none the wiser? Did I turn a blind eye? Was I just that naive?! I have been around a lot of addicts, to all sorts of things and I could usually see a difference in their behavior as the addiction became worse but for some reason, I was oblivious to hers. She told me she wanted to finally be honest about it to me about it because she had decided to quit the pills and start getting her life back together. So I believe her, have faith in her, believing she is strong enough to fight her demons and I'm here for her for whatever she needs. Then she really effed up at work (we work together) and I jump in and save her arse without her knowing that I did and when she finds out I knew about what she had done at work, she has the nerve to be angry at me for not telling her that I knew about the incident! Wtf kind of insanity is this?! What am I missing? How am I the bad guy? Because addicts can justify ANYTHING in their own effed up minds. The final straw, the very end of our friendship happened just last night. She came over to talk about the incident at work and as always, she's over emotional and constantly crying and saying she's messing up at work more now that she's been sober then when she was using... which I can understand, up to a certain point. I get the mentality of withdrawal and lack of focus due to your brain trying to rewire after someone stops using but come on, it's been 6 weeks since she's used, or so she claimed. Then after she got up to use the bathroom, something fell out of her pocket. Guess what it was. And when I confront her about it, she swears she has no idea what it is and that it's not hers etc etc. And that was it for me. I am done. Betray me once, shame on you, betray me twice, shame on me. But it's well past twice and I am completely over it. She will try to make promises, amends, apologies and all the rest of the bullshit that comes out of the mouth of addicts but I am done. She says she feels like I have a different opinion of her now and although I have not said it yet; she's right. I feel like I have never known her at all. 5 years of memories and me feeling that it's all been a false and empty relationship. Sucks.

[@hartsgrace1205]

Life's tough. The number of quality people in the world has drastically reduced. Such that I haven't a single person in this world I trust outside of my 3 cats.

[@kellihunt3271]

@@hartsgrace1205 I just told my son that this past week. Sad when humans have to trust animals that are unpredictable. Nothing scares me more than people. Nothing.

[@ToughTinkerballs]

Trust is such an important fundamental of a relationship

[@MelodyAMc14]

I spent ten years with someone exactly like JP is describing here. I got so used to being treated badly that l stopped noticing it. Then he betrayed me in three astoundingly hurtful ways and l couldn't recover so l left him. The last words he told me before I left was "I think this is best because I am a liar and you can never be happy with someone like me". Now l am with the most amazing boyfriend l could ever have wished for. We have been dating a little over a year and have been teaching each other how to trust again.

[@tawnyamondragon1340]

I hear you. I dated the same type of person. Constant moving targets, infidelity, silent conversations with multiple women, major couple goals changed by him as it served him in the moment, always worked low hanging fruit jobs. I truly saw myself forever with him. I thought he was my person, and he was in a sense. He was the person who would have the single most impact on my life because he taught me things are not always as they seem and when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. It didn't need to take me 11 yrs to figure that out but it took me that long to deeply learn the principle of it. It's truly incredible where people who do not have our best interest at heart can take us. Infidelity is the epitome of chaos which is the fuel for more chaos. From it, it creates endless, never stopping turmoil, disgusted and resentment.

[@MelodyAMc14]

@@florisbos9475 Not if I betray him first. 😁

[@florisbos9475]

@@MelodyAMc14 Thats exactly what I say in a relation

[@zKaya]

I am happy for you.

[@Ratkill]

Its infuriating when your SO simply states that they have faults. No remorse or drive to do make right. Just " Im bad " Its cheap. They again become the victim , the main character. The flawed protagonist that suffers because of their unchangeable nature. No dude , you failed.

[@roblincoln10]

Love Jordan Peterson. One thing I would say is, just one act of infidelity in a long term relationship is enough to call it quits due to trust.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Depends on many things. How long you've been together, age, resources, health, how intertwined your lives are, are there OTHER lies yet undiscovered? Do they take accountability and attempt to rectify things? Many relationships can survive and get stronger. But it requires brutal honesty and hard work

[@davidthomspson9771]

Betrayal is like a knife in your heart that's been shoved thru your back

[@MoeSoNatural]

My ex was a narcissistic psychopath. I was with him for 2 years. I did not realize he was not in love with me until after I realized I was in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive relationship. Very horrible. The “good times” were only manufactured by him so that I could let my guard down again and that he misuse again. Devastating situation, to know I was in love with someone who never loved me regardless of his words or fake love. If they love you, they won’t hurt you. If they hurt you and are told what they’re doing is damaging the relationship, caring means they’d stop. When they continue it, the love was never real

[@zKaya]

Myself and another crazy person around. Like seeks like I am clear tonight. That's why I remember few people lovingly. I seldom shared love and joy. I needed to have a fellow combatant to play that game. So, I chose people like me so we could battle it out for decades sometimes, each blaming and hating each other. Why? God knows. I do not and don't care. The important thing is now, just now. Sometimes it's pleasant, sometimes unpleasant, for all of us. I can be with anything now,. So grateful.

[@joshuaaddington6864]

Your statement is mostly true. People in love still hurt each other from time because we are imperfect beings. Going into a relationship expecting not to be hurt is not logical or realistic.

[@MoeSoNatural]

@@joshuaaddington6864 that’s why I said if you communicate with them that xyz is hurting - they will commit to changing that or leave. Narcs intentionally hurt others. Neurotypical ppl don’t do this. It’s unintentional when genuine ppl hurt someone

[@JonathanVachon777]

love and being in love is 2 different things. maybe you wer ein love with love and not with him. just a reflexion

[@AFATHERSLOVENEVERDIES]

Woman who live in fairytale land who think the guy they want is only going to be attractive to you are setting themself up for major disappointment. Marriage is about duty not love.

[@royfr8136]

In my experience, bad people always pretend to be good. They are charming and nice most of the time and lie without hesitation, deep lies, lies that take planning, not just situational. This is why they are so dangerous.

[@Toolwise]

I have a lot of experience with mental illness in my life. Mom? Borderline. Sister? Bipolar. Ex-girlfriends? Anxiety, depression, anorexia and so on. It's harder to find sanity in today's world than the mentally ill. Either modern life is destroying people's minds or it's something in the food, haha.

[@wilkstheguitarman3103]

Ain’t it tho? Seems like mental illness is just so common now. Or it’s always been this common but it wasn’t diagnosed or regarded. I really don’t know.

[@mm5467]

We're all clowns🤪🤡😂

[@flavourruling2162]

@@wilkstheguitarman3103 i remember my family telling me “you know in my day we didn’t have all these mental illnesses, we just got on with our day”. So, I dunno if they also had issues, I think they did, and kept it bottled up. How they survived I have no idea but it inspires me to buck up and just stop giving my mental illness any credence. As far as I can tell while dealing with major depression, is that you HAVE to buck up and just live with it. It exists because the ego exists, and reading the greeks has served me well in this. Thoughts and Feelings are like a sickness that just finds its way into you, thoughts and feelings are not our own until we challenge them in our minds, to let them have control of us to react to them, is evil. It makes us think its our idea. It drags us into a dark hole. We are not depressed, we are “infected” with depression. Same in the way you get a cold. Its a contagion. It hurt to be told this, but being told “you’re infecting us with your depression, if you’re have depression at all”. This hurt A LOT in the moment, and for months afterward. But eventually I came to understand that that IS what I was doing. Energy is infectious. Its why mob mentality exists. Depression also operates on that principle, and being negative, feeling down, feeling “up” (when you’re still down), STILL infects them because you’re not happy at the level they are happy at. Happiness doesn’t come from things, it comes from within, and believing that you are meant to wander the earth without clothes and shelter like an animal, which then makes you grateful for your shitty life. Yeah, we live in a near future dystopia, the world is bleak…no point to living….but at least you have a house. A bed. Food maybe. It could be worse. Don’t let your infection spread to your support network, once that happens, they’ll leave you as you seem unhelpable…which is your depression making them believe in a depressive way, that IT IS that bad and now they lose hope. They get depressed. Its a social contagion, and there are many more vectors to catch it than in the old days. In the old days, life was tough, so it didn’t matter what happened in life, it all sucked. Thats why they could be happy when the moment arose, because happiness in the face of adversity was the only thing they could do. And it worked for them. Nowadays we are so comfortable, so catered for, so weak, that we can’t even stand up to depression on a small scale. Todays depressive episodes might seem bigscale and existential, but that is because there is no small picture things to be depressed about. No lions attacking us, no raiders who plundered the village. So we take it existential into depression’s territory. We seek the danger when we do not have it, and it kills us. Buck up, smile, force yourself to smile. Let yourself be taken out of the moment when you smile, and imagine your younger self smiling, imagine your future self smiling, let those two of you force their smile by smiling back at you in your imagination. You’ll want to fight the smile, but just let it wash over your face. Life ain’t so bad. Life AIN’T SHIT. We’re humans, we have faced worse opponents and one, facing ourselves, our depression, is nothing. You learn to recognize it when it attacks, you begin to see the stealth maneuvers. Its an invisible enemy and you have to train your mind’s eye to see it. When you can look at yourself in your mind, what you look like in reality, this depressed saddened mess on the bed, or couch, or floor, or table, you’ll literally see depression sitting on your chest. Its a spectre. And as it is intangible, unweighted, it can be lifted with ease. You just have to see the thing first, because it makes you believe it weighs 10,000,000lbs. You’ll see it is nothing. Nothing but the desperate call for the ego, always under threat of death and destruction, to see that it was IT that tried to set you off with the self destruct button. It doesn’t get to decide that. If you want to die, do it with a clear head. Never kill yourself because you were depressed, you didn’t accomplish anything, not even murdering yourself. Depression held the gun and pulled the trigger, you were just the hostage. Depression accomplished something…you died. Kill yourself on your terms, not depression’s. Until then, live another day and “kill yourself” through work. Put in a hard day. Beat up the ego, the ego is going to hate going to work, thinks its above it, but then thinks its below working and isn’t worthy of a job when looking for one. There is no winning with the ego, there is only NOT playing the Ego Game. Ego’s game is annoying, its always Ego wins or it gets pissed off at you and then it tries to trip you up over and over until it wins. It’s fighting for it’s own Loss. It doesn’t want to exist, and tries to drag you to Hell with it, don’t let it. FIGHT. FIGHT YOURSELF. We have no mental illnesses, the Ego is our only mental illness, and everyone lives with that illness, unless the illness kills them. Don’t be Ego’s statistic. Kill your Ego, Kill the Self, free yourself.

[@mm5467]

@@flavourruling2162 You should write a book if you haven't yet. 👋 You are a good writer. Although I don't agree with everything you wrote, I do agree on the overall message.

[@FOURTEEFIVE]

put the two together, agriculture is a modern invention. We are not built to ingest carbohydrates year round.

[@thenutrientwhisperer3700]

When you find out your entire marriage was built on a faulty foundation, yeah your world kind of falls apart.

[@StarLight-tu6ub]

Knock down the foundation and rebuild it brick by brick with the intentions of empowerment and growth. You got this!

[@gulzaman556]

start slowly start again. Lots of prayers for you !

[@d159inu]

Leaving was the hardest, best thing I’ve get done for myself. Even seeing their name come up on a phone call now fills me with anxiety. I can’t believe I was living with that anxiety for so long that I couldn’t feel it anymore.

[@rozdoyle8872]

I know people always say time heals and I can now say how true that is when coupled with lots of silence and rest , I am now totally at peace from 50 years of putting up with crazy people who were the ones trying to be free of their fears by filling everyone around them with their anxiety , keep remembering that you are free and slowly you will just laugh at their childish behaviour.

[@geoffreywooledge6118]

This was for me thank you Jordan. I tried too hard stuck it out too long and got damaged way too much. The hardest part is knowing they need you and having to turn you back to save your life literally

[@haliec4713]

After leaving an abusive relationship I feel the way forward is to work on the disease to please, I wanted to help his life become easier and more efficient because he would tell me how stressed he was trying to fit everything in, I put my own life on hold because he would have a drama every other day and I’d jump to the rescue. They have an amazing ability to get into ones head and we feel sorry for them. So I’ve learned to not take on other peoples issues, if they are an adult, I can support and empathise but I’m am not responsible to fix

[@ingenioussterling9106]

disease to please 😊 wow im also infected with the same disease.

[@johntuohy1867]

You jump into their pit of troubles hoping to rescue. Suddenly its deeper than you knew . Now both of you are trapped. We learn by experience to recognize and so avoid the pitfalls.

[@hydebrown1805]

Yay!! It is SO HARD for me not to pity this husband, I KNOW he has an extremely limited view on reality, and my opinions are like throwing acid if not in agreement, and God forbid I compliment him, for I MUST be belittling him somehow or sarcastic. I have much formal education, and a deep God given gift of understanding behavioral patterns from lifelong experience with these disorders. My cerebral genius and "perfect in every way" Daddy, created my sweet "doormat" mother who became manic/manic with MANY psychotic breaks with MANY hospitizations. First one I was 6, and she was there for OVER a year!! I went with dad. He took me out of school, and to work with him. All over the nation teaching homicide investigation, sex crimes, terrorism, bomb technicians (IABTI), And My favorite...profiling. I even got to go to a whole semester at Quantico while my dad taught. That let him keep on FBI ing after retirement age. Mum went pretty out there after the "Rasta mons shot him in head at the hotel. The FBI had to say he was dead. Lol ..two of them in suits with awful WIDE ties and ugly brought me, an 11 yr. Old girl, some bucket of ugly rust colored chrysanthemums, and said" We're terribly sorry, but your father has been killed in the Virgin Islands... But your mother will be back for you in a few days.. it was a huge fat coverup lie... So, let us agree, the mind is incredibly resilient and fragile..ask mine. And I'm NOT lying, buy the book. Amazon.. "PROFILES IN MURDER" I just said that for the trolls that say mean things.. I've worked HARD all my adult life to over come cptsd, and DDD.. And the laughable truth is that even KNOWING all this information; I STILL am stuck married 4 kids To a textbook malignant aging sliding scale psycho spectrum vulnerable narcissist.. And his NPD is still fascinating to me! However I am not safe now and MUST be brave and get peace orders again. 6 years ofprobation, he acted pretty good, then covid, and a failed knee replacement and pain pills have made him not have his BEST supply, emergency mobile equipment mechanic l. Literally Captain save a (back)hoe!! The no money, and then me! Dastardly deciding to get NueroStar and not being depressed or hopeless "right when he was trying to get back on his feet" was SO inconsiderate of me.. (yes he used those words)🤣 And I refused to do his EDD stuff for self employment because he couldn't not call me a stupid c word e very day .lololol.. stupid. So he has definitely had a break down.. And it's all MY fault , and I'm going to be sorry.. I've heard that for 30 years.. need orders, no matter theSmear, and he is ruthless to destroy my character.. See? Textbook. And I AM NOT HELPLESS AND I CAN DO THIS EVEN AT 53 WITH A BROKEN NECK. AMEN ? A MEN! WOW. THAT IS A WHOLE CHAPTER. not a commenter. Must be a vent and cry for prayers!! Thanks! Heidi Vorpagel

[@annewilliams5715]

We have to learn to avoid codependency

[@cgc1581]

I'm married to a man who has Aspergers. No one told me abs because we waited until marriage to move in together, i didn't know. It's been a nightmare. This is my first serious relationship since my previous marriage where i was abused in many ways. I was lucky to make it out alive. I've finally made the choice to leave this one. I have a plan in place to move closer to family in Hawaii and have a better quality of life for myself and child. I'm grateful i have the where with all to do this mythotically and plan appropriately. By this time next year i will be closer to my family, i will be in Hawaii, i will not be caretaking anyone other than my child, and i will do what it takes to not lose myself again. This video really helped me with validation and encouragement. I can do this! And i will do this!

[@leigh7507]

I like the people that call everyone they dislike a psychopath or narcissist. I think they use it as a coping mechanism to blame everyone else for bad relationships. They never look at their own flaws.

[@WouldbeRenaissanceLady6926]

There may well be an element of truth in what you say, but if you met a real psychopath or a sociopath, plain old narcissism is just one thing on the downlow. Their lack of empathy and insatiable sense of self before anything and everything else and the ruthlessness of what they will do to achieve their goals is a bit of a giveaway. They can also be pretty callous and cruel when most normal people would be horrified... I know some narcissists, but they are nowhere as bad as a psychopath. In my experience, narcs do tend to have a certain amount of empathy and social conscience, psychopaths don't. I think that narcissism is greatly on the increase nowadays, thanks to people adding their profiles on social media etc. Now everyone wants to be a "brand."

[@Kayavod]

"The bottom of your world falls out". That way to put it's so accurate.

[@Noname-jd1vp]

God removes people in your life, because he hears the conspiracy that you didn't hear, betrayals that you can't see, and bad intentions that you can't feel. Always trust the process of leaning on your gut feeling, since it's logical, and never be afraid to lose, it's part of life. 🙂

[@bluanemoon]

I like that

[@phoenixfire124]

I wish I knew these things when I was 19. I had to learn this the hard way.

[@ashleyboss5544]

Amen

[@onelove8593]

How old are you now?

[@phoenixfire124]

39.

[@michaeltrivette1728]

You did know. But you didn't listen.

[@phoenixfire124]

@@michaeltrivette1728 I honestly didn't understand there were people like that out there. I was sheltered and naeve. I thought everyone was like my family.

[@christopherwindover2270]

So, so, very true. I attended 3 post-secondary institutions studying psychology. I wish I had the opportunity to be in Dr. Petersons class. The lessons within this video, if implemented and realized could have made life-changing differences in my life, and, I'm sure, the lives of many others, as can easily be discerned judging by the positive feedback. Thank you, Dr. Thank you very much. My life has been very different since I have been watching your lectures. God bless you.

[@axljax]

It's real. And the same person can fall victim to the same kind of lovers again. It can become a cycle.

[@PaulGoux]

Only if you validate your existence, through sensual stimulation at all cost. Yes we are interdependent beings, but no we should not be so dependent that we cannot go a certain stretch of time without anyone either. This can be tricky because a lot of our reality is informed by the interaction we have with others. However those who need sensual stimulation in life at all costs are often quick to throw caution out of the window. So do not be hasty, that is the test of character which most will turn away from, a psychopath wants what they want and will likely not like being told no. A decent person, will be happy to wait.

[@con9779]

I think my last ex girlfriend was one of these emotional psychopaths. She was a gothic blonde, had issues in her household, was on drugs, and she would have mental breakdowns and freak out on me at random instead of coming out and saying what’s wrong I would have to sit there and play the guessing game with her for 20 minutes or longer just to get her to get a complete sentence out her mouth. Deep down I knew I should’ve never gotten involved with her from the start even when we were just talking and I did it anyway and paid the price dearly. At the end of it all after we broke up I did a lot of thinking and I finally came to the conclusion that she was just too crazy and too toxic with her self pity and self hatred and I honestly felt like I was being used as a placeholder to fulfill whatever need or needs she wanted to be met. This girl was literally insane and very immature for her age, she had me rethinking my whole life and existence sometimes with how she made me feel at times with her negative energy. And sometimes when I looked her in the eyes she looked very soulless like as if there was something dark lurking behind or just nothing at all.

[@carriebell3566]

I was in this exact scenario. Stayed for someone who hated me but needed me.

[@itsjess2728]

Same, and after 8 long years of them almost convincing me I was never worth more than what they could give to me or think about me…I outreached to family and got out of their grasp. Its been a struggle to rediscover and redefine my self worth and self love, but damn it’s so refreshing to finally free and able to do it.

[@carriebell3566]

@@itsjess2728 that’s just terrible. I’m sorry you went through that. These demons know how to convince us that we are worthless. 😣

[@PaulGoux]

Isolation is a tool of evil. You really should question anyone who tells you they are all you need. Unless your friends and family are genuine scumbags. Unfortunately we often place trust in people quickly in our youth, we know so little about the world that making a decision is essentially a gamble. Knowing what your limits are is very important, as this helps you establish how you want to be treated, it would be better if we didnt have to go through this process, but some have to be hurt to understand they do not want that in their life. The important thing is that you're alive, and youve learned an important lesson about the pain that one can bring to others and where you stand in relation to that. Ultimately do not be too harsh on yourself but do not wallow either, pick yourself up and carry on, taking your new found wisdom with you, which may now help you to navigate life better and will allow you to help others avoid the pitfalls of your past.

[@carriebell3566]

@@PaulGoux thank you 😊

[@scc4348]

You put it best. I dated a guy for 3 years who was incapable of keeping a job. 3 jobs in 3 years … and he used me emotionally and financially when he didn’t have a job.. he never treated me right. And as soon as he met someone he deemed worthy- he knew how to put in effort and suddenly the new girl didn’t have to put half as much as effort as I had to.

[@You_can_kiss_my_little_ass]

I've dealt with psychopaths in my job as Security and it is easy for me spot them. What actually helped me spot them so well was one coworker targeted me. I wasn't the only one targeted, but all his victims said the same thing about how he targets, manipulates, and he loves putting fear in his victims. He loves it because he realizes he has power over that person and manipulates them. One thing I learned about what pisses psychopaths off is not allowing them to be in control of you. Wow oh wow do psychopaths flip out when they realize their tactics don't work on me. I am so glad to have met this coworker whom lost his job, because I now recognize psychopaths so well today. Like it is said in the video, it is all about them. What I find interesting is how my ex coworker built himself up by controlling certain people and those above him he would charm. Psychopaths are pros when it comes to putting on the charm. Psychopaths can also manipulate those whom they charm. For instance they may use their charmed people to be against those whom they prey on. This happens in every workplace. There is no place that is exempt of psychopaths. There are a lot more than people realize. Most don't notice them. But those that do, they really do. But being a psychopath alone doesn't warrant them to go to jail. They have to commit a crime for that to happen. This is where they use their expertise. They are master manipulators of people. They can set some people up for disaster, and others the psychopath may use. At the end of the day it is all about them and what they can get out of those around them. Many psychopaths are Businessmen, Security, Police, or anything in which they can get some sort of power over others. Love the video, as it confirms with what I know.

[@cymbidiumm]

How do you spot them so easily? what does one have to look out for?

[@TheBigdog868]

Yes, they love to charm others to get what they want. I've also seen them link up with other psychopaths and do battle with other groups of people. They can take over an entire company or group.

[@TheBigdog868]

@@cymbidiumm I can't answer for the original post, but they like to use fear as intimidation for those below them and sickly sweet charm for those above them. You can also feel their presence. It doesn't feel good. You probably will have a rise in heart rate and blood pressure. If you're in tune you may feel sick. It's your body trying to warn you this isn't a good person! Trust your gut instinct.

[@cymbidiumm]

@@TheBigdog868 yo this answer is amazing. Definitely agree with the gut part. Thank you!

[@junetakesover]

the 'setting some people up for disaster' is true! I met a bunch of psychopathic people so far. but there was one that had a string of ex-boyfriends -- I think it was at least three people -- that committed suicide. In the moment I pitied her because that's an hardcore experience but then I realized she was a covert narcisist. I realized this through the way I felt around her -- like my brain was burning and I was losing my mind -- and also through a situation in which she set me up to be physically hurt.

[@terrilamb5312]

I only wish I could of heard and truly understood this 14 years ago, before marriage and three children. It's so hard to make decisions on what to do next.. not for my own happiness, that's my absolute last concern. But for the best possible outcome for my kids. So, so hard.

[@alb6804]

10 years and 1 kid. I'm in the same boat...

[@Goosegirl]

Leave. I wasted 10 years and regret it. My son wasn’t better off by me staying. We are leaps and bounds happier and thriving now. Get away. Don’t let fear and uncertainty trap you. I left my job, sold my home and moved states away on my own, and with great financial hardship, and two lawyers on retainer. It was all well worth it to have freedom and see my son have a brighter future.

[@elisaa9855]

It would appear that humans generally don’t have the capacity to commit to one thing forever…. I guess the way through it is to take what you get and keep it moving

[@serpentbearer6649]

I'm currently in that situation with 2 kids. She refuses to leave and I don't know what to do so that I cause as little pain as possible to my 2 boys

[@xhaltsalute]

That same issue kept me trapped for 22 years. Kids are damaged. Run.

[@shanbanan7414]

Sometimes when I heard Jordan speak it seems as if he knows the details of my life. I am so grateful for you sir! Thank you for your wisdom & for your endurance through your own life struggles.

[@gulzaman556]

truee

[@missolesoul]

My dad was like this, and my sister shows all the signs of being just like him. I was on the brunt of every attack from him, and when he died, she took over. She has no boundaries she won't step over, even sleeping with an old boyfriend who was a very close friend. She screams and says she is the hurt one yet calls me a "professional victim" since I go to a therapist and take medication etc. She won't go. I feel sorry for her son. My father made me into an anxious, overly emotional person who always feels like I still have to prove everything.

[@tatianasouza2361]

One act of infidelity is one too many. I had a 14 year marriage brought to an end due to of one enormous financial, sexual, and emotional betrayal. Sometimes, one time is all it takes to bring the relationship to its worst place ever.

[@Portia620]

We’re you dating my ex husband!? Sounds like my situation! Pathological lies and I woke up and had to mourn the death of a man that didn’t exist! Thank God he left with his brother in laws younger sister. She’s a social worker. I’m sure she can fix that. 🤣😂 thankful to God he left! He had no choice as I had tons of proof of who he was and he cried and was upset that his long lists of affairs and money hiding was over! He lost big time! 🥂🤣😂. I only wish we found out sooner of his bs!

[@eternalvigilance5697]

Agreed. Once is all it takes.

[@mattdyke1693]

Im pretty sure her ex husbands name was tom

[@blueturquoisett8448]

Same here.

[@sagesnakechalmer2294]

One means more is coming

[@klimankhmeron7636]

Mr. Paterson helped me to understand people better. Now, I'm sitting in my closet and don't open a door even to a mail guy.

[@dr.tapasyadiwakar1246]

😀

[@dr.tapasyadiwakar1246]

Everyone need inner work n healing

[@antonp6917]

Dr*

[@user-ec3rm9wr1n]

😔

[@wallybingbang4350]

Seen it many times with ‘friends’ When I saw their true colours it is kind of heart breaking The betrayal ! Confiding in them only for this to be used against me First time I have seen them described as ‘Emotional Psychopaths’ I usually call them fake toxic scum You live and learn but it’s very painful and upsetting

[@od8163]

I agree mate. This is all to do with naivety. When you understand evil, you judge people properly and you won't allow these toxic evil friends into your life. Until you know someone's true colours you don't ever regard them as a friend. You keep it superficial for a long time. I have a checklist. 1) are they a backstabber or to the face? 2) do they bully people to the face or behind the back? 3) when they are angry with someone do they bully or backstab? 4) how are they one on one and do they change when there's other people around? 5) are they haters? envious of your other friends, social life, job partner etc. Trust me this checklist is the best.

[@wallybingbang4350]

@@od8163 Spot on. It’s naivety and a hell of a lot of confusion. That’s when they have you. When you second guess yourself to mitigate them. Gaslighting!

[@maxmustermann194]

A very painful realization, this. Got me on "I'm all they've got" and "You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed."

[@izawaniek2568]

I think every sentence in this message carries a lot of wisdom.

[@gooe9561]

Punishing honesty is a narcissistic trait. Don't stay with someone who punishes honesty. An honest relationship is impossible.

[@sundancer7381]

This is very insightful. They don't want honesty.........just you to do what they want. Manipulation.

[@DwyaneWadeCounty]

That last part 8:08: It's very hard to fix someone, and it's REALLY hard to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.

[@ThrifterPickerShipper]

So much harder and sadder when it's your own adult son. This was so eye opening, thank you.

[@ThrifterPickerShipper]

@@blesstaylor3499 wOOOWW I thought u were telling my story too!!! I also have MS the struggle is real!!! The pain is so deep.

[@ThrifterPickerShipper]

@@blesstaylor3499 II feel you I have Diabetes type 1 and Gastroparesis and fibro and could go on lol

[@yoshi2413]

Being betrayed makes you question everything, not even about them but about you. Because we all think maybe its us and not them. Having a good friend or people who know you and reassure you go a long way however. There’s always better all it takes is a lot of patience and effort.

[@majakollektiivitimanttimet3862]

So many people who are not good for you and you begin to think there is something wrong with you yourself.

[@jonny63912]

That is exactly what I needed to hear. You are so helpful I wish I could thank you in person. Thank you from Saskatchewan

[@tinaryan4055]

So grateful for his wisdom . It's like a therapy session Everytime you hear him speak. I am so grateful for this man. Thank you Dr. Peterson.

[@geemail369]

Stuff like this should be taught in school!

[@plz-dont-shoot7778]

Would have saved me a lot of money

[@od8163]

Well they won't teach you this in school as it's useful.

[@andreawilliams2386]

They do teach this is school - Psychology class.

[@dps8629]

I've had this happen. Had PTSD for years from it.

[@gulzaman556]

after reading the comments it breaks me but also encourage me to accept the reality. So many so many are suffering. Everyone who has gone through such traumatic events i just wish and pray that you Live out of it and become best of yourself and best for the society. we are in this together let's try not get bitter. Let's be kind to ourselves and other around us. and to Dr.Jp you're a blessing to people cz you know how to sum the words that we want to say. i wished i had learned these patterns but most of us only learns once the damage is done already.

[@abutterfly7975]

Every man in my life since childhood til now has had narcissistic qualities, they all have not been willing to change and have and continue to be disrespectful, abusive and neglectful, and put themselves first. I have just about list all respect for men, the majority take more than they give and put their needs and wants ahead of the woman’s, I see it over and over again. I have no words for how crushed and angry I am at the damage they have done and they don’t even care! I’m trapped because of my health and lack of finances and other reasons, I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.

[@Thenewsisfake]

If one of your parents was a narcissists, alcoholic or addict you are drawn to them. You think their behavior is normal. Your trying heal your childhood. Do some work on healing you inner child. Have a good day.

[@stevesmith7839]

Identifying psychopaths and sociopaths is very important. Peterson's use of the term and the title of this video is careless. Using language instrumentally is what every advertiser, politician, sales person, and more currently, every news outlet does (and perhaps Peterson himself). Psychopaths and sociopaths are or can be more personally dangerous than just their lies and deceit. They can ruin every aspect of your life up to and including taking your very life. I agree with him about identifying psychopaths and sociopaths BEFORE you have a relationship with them or BEFORE they do heavy damage to your life. Don't overlook obvious signs of a sociopath on the grounds of giving someone the benefit of the doubt. If you see someone who routinely lies, cheats, steals, and betrays other people, be assured, they will be doing it to you also.

[@nickmontanaro9638]

Obvious and clear signs? Psychopaths are almost all masters of deception and hiding that deception at all costs. Only when they become complacent might they slip up revealing their true nature. He was clearly talking about those psychopaths that don't wear their psychopathy on the sleeves. That would be a poor psychopath indeed. Don't by so unreasonably critical.

[@xanthestanmore3773]

3 or 4 acts of infidelity? 1 would be enough. 1 is intentional enough to display thinking and character.

[@jenniferbonsey1969]

To those who've gone through all your pains in any type of relationships, regardless if they're a sibling, partner, friend, associate, or even a parent. Remember you did nothing to cause this. For those who have done you wrong, forgiving them is NOT FOR their peace of mind but for YOURSELF. ONCE you do that it's time to begin to heal from the trauma that was caused by them.

[@dantedetoussaint209]

Fun part is that a psycho or a very bad person can hurt you or is unhealthy even if they haven't cheated or lied. Betrayal doesn't mean just those two. Violence, belittling, beatings, threatens and more. Wake up people, don't be mistreated.

[@LifeBalanceMindset]

The emotional psychopath is a manipulator from hell. After a couple of breakups it’s a little easier to see who someone is when you’re dating them before you get in too deep. I encourage you to not be afraid and get into some relationships/dating to explore different types of people. After a while the rose colored glasses he was talking about fades away slightly so you’re not so enveloped in the honeymoon stage to not see an evil partner.

[@FireFox97672]

You know its funny. I didnt even need experience yet those rose coloured glasses faded on their own. Perhaps that is because i have experience with people trying to hide who they are.

[@AEONIC_MUSIC]

What happens when you're wrong about someone though?

[@LifeBalanceMindset]

That’s up to you man. At the beginning of whatever relationship set some boundaries and if your partner can’t respect them it might be a good time to leave.

[@Zimtej]

They wreak havoc and the road to the present is littered with people broken. Listen to how they talk about their exes.

[@zKaya]

Thank you. I could use that perspective choosing friends and partners.

[@dannymeyer3256]

Just happened to me. Turns out they aren’t what I thought red flags were shown and I needed to have noticed them.

[@JJones-cl4dm]

I had a relationship that messed me up so bad I have stayed alone going on 8 years now. it was the third horrible relationship in a row. I can't take anymore

[@DebbyS204]

That’s exactly where I’m at-and at 59! Pretty sure I’ll remain at this Point

[@lorihoop3831]

52 and never again. My heart is shattered, it just happened today after 36 years

[@cbn7239]

Me too. 4 years single and staying that way.

[@cgc1581]

Finally! Someone who gets it. Thank you Jordan!

[@PrimePhilosophy]

It was only after spending a year and a half with a new roommate that I realised she was a narcissist and it really shook me up. The day she moved out, the second the door closed behind her I felt like I was in my home again, without realising that I had forgotten what home felt like. I figured best thing to do was take my share of the responsibility for allowing her to manipulate and take advantage of me. I kind of new it was happening I shopped it to the back of my mind the whole time and let myself be punished. Taking that responsibility allowed me to have more control of the way I dealt with it afterwards. I don't regret it. I learnt a lot about her and especially about me. I could write a book about all the craziness. Moving on and I've been much more aware of people's deception when it creeps up. It sticks out like a sore thumb, but still shocked me when upper management at my workplace of 9 years started pushing similar crap on me through the BS pandemic mandates. Held my ground for almost 2 montths when they started breaking their own rules over and over again, until finally choosing to resign me so it wouldn't sound like an unfair dismissal. Proud of myself for holding on to my human rights and dignity despite the rest of the workplace simply bending over for the abuse. Seems like most members of society have turned into full blown sociopaths in the last 2 years.

[@milana2020]

Write a book, I’ll read it 🫣

[@JoshxIZ]

Your point of taking responsibility for your part is KEY (another yt video made me realize this too) It's really important not to get stuck into the victim role to be able to heal and grow.

[@chestersalvester2373]

This hits at home. That last 45 seconds was a very well closer. Gives a sense of security

[@pennylanekane]

Could’ve used this 9 years ago. Thank you for sharing this. There was no reality! Lies lies manipulation, physical abuse, infidelity, sprints of hallucinations, paranoia, and immense rage episodes in front of our kids, even a confession of “my father taught me to use every person” a confession of “I tell anyone what they want to hear so I can get them off my back which gets me what I want” he said this. I was shocked and saddened. I truly believe he’s been misdiagnosed.

[@rawltd8317]

People that care are often hurt more than others, takes some work to toughen up

[@Zimtej]

And remember. "Truths" said in anger and not love is not the truth. Truth is simple and loving.

[@Zimtej]

@@andis5289 Thank you for your comment. I do agree qith you. Is there more to it? A truth. What is it? One thing? distilled?. Or does it need to be put into context both objectively and subjectively. Love and hate. When we throw our anger at someone, enveiling the message with a strong feeling we give more than just words.

[@brianpeterson5559]

True run get through it as soon as possible and don't look back, prolonging that relationship will never bring the result your desperately hoping for . You'll be damaging yourself. Have love and respect for yourself you deserve better

[@starlistener8285]

This is both my exes, my parents, majority of my family. Self love has helped me heal and recognize these people for what and who they are faster than ever. Remain steadfast in self love and these bitches won't even try to come at you anymore. Fr.

[@jessebores]

My bestfriend did this to me, it's been 9 months and when I think about it I still feel the same pain and hurt and confusion as if it was yesterday. The pain of true betrayal and abandonment is deep

[@zKaya]

I feel your pain. Well, to extent I can without actually being in your skin. I am sorry someone did that to you.

[@dannymeyer3256]

Wise man helps so many people with their lives. 👍

[@CrystalLynnLove]

This was great to see! Thank you for sharing it. Truly. Infinite Love Always 🌬❤️♾✌️

[@sundancer7381]

Hard to tell the truth when you are surrounded by layers of lies. This is a good video. Helps to clarify the issue.

[@khoney32]

I pretty much saw it the way Dr. Peterson summarized it here and got the HELL OUT! You can't change another person. You can honor yourself, a sacred act of self-determination and sovereignty. Being the only person who walks around in your shoes, in your body, it's only practical to take care of and direct yourself using your own inner compass, not someone else's. It is so dangerous to look for validation from emotionally unstable, ruthless and/or unavailable people, no matter how cute, talented, or "smart" they appear to you. It’s like trying to eat with a rotten tooth - it hurts and doesn’t work. They may have all the gifts/talents/wealth in the world, but if they do not have compassion and do not see your worth, they aren't worth a hill of beans and have no business in your life. It’s just a waste of precious time and can cause you great harm and pain. These types of people do fool others so don't feel bad, as that is what they work so hard to do in life. If you've figured it out, you are doing well. It is their own internal problem, not yours, and it is best not to let it be yours, ever. The person has to want to heal or solve their OWN PROBLEM(S) for there to be any success. Sacrificing yourself for a person like this is just that, a sacrifice of your SELF, your WORTH, and your IDENTITY. You aren't "helping" them or fixing anything as they may purport and cry on about - this being their way of manipulating you. If initially you are getting red flags please pay attention, because it will be much worse if it does work out and you spend years with someone who breaks you down over time, turning you into a shell of your former self. The insanity/psychopathy/hatefulness swimming around in their heads is not yours, so don’t accept it. See them as a rabid animal if you must, but don't play with them. I wish you the best in making beneficial decisions for your life, such that you can truly live, not merely survive under someone's oppressive regime or madness, enslaving and entrapping you. May you be in good health, joy, and perfect peace, always.

[@Shanti_devi19]

Thank you, I needed to read that.

[@james8zaq]

Thank you

[@paulmeyer5482]

Like it or not. Everyone needs to be fixed or accept the vessel. Do either at your peril and move forward.

[@escapesen2529]

Hey Archer, thanks so much for this.

[@hydebrown1805]

Nicely put together video.. Good Job!!

[@con9779]

I think my last ex girlfriend was one of these emotional psychopaths. She was a gothic blonde, had issues in her household, was on drugs, and she would have mental breakdowns and freak out on me at random instead of coming out and saying what’s wrong I would have to sit there and play the guessing game with her for 20 minutes or longer just to get her to get a complete sentence out her mouth. Deep down I knew I should’ve never gotten involved with her from the start even when we were just talking and I did it anyway and paid the price dearly. At the end of it all after we broke up I did a lot of thinking and I finally came to the conclusion that she was just too crazy and too toxic with her self pity and self hatred and I honestly felt like I was being used as a placeholder to fulfill whatever need or needs she wanted to be met. This girl was literally insane and very immature for her age, she had me rethinking my whole life and existence sometimes with how she made me feel at times with her negative energy. And sometimes when I looked her in the eyes she looked very soulless like as if there was something dark lurking behind or just nothing at all.

[@zKaya]

Sounds like me. I see that tonight. People can change if they make a tremendous effort to grow. Stand up when they fall on their faces, and try again.

[@sirpuffcelot]

Jesus christ people... sometimes it's hard to get out what you truly wanna say no matter how much you want and need to say it. ffs.

[@sirpuffcelot]

I had the same sorta experience with a girl but that doesn't mean all psychopaths are the same. Too many people give up when the going gets tough, how hard do you think it is to deal with that when its you and your mental health and then while struggling with it people give up and walk away without understanding. The modern world is fucked cause we have the power to help those who are mentally fucked but most choose to gaslight, misunderstand, use as there own laughing stock, give up too easily especially after saying that "they've got you", snake ya cause you're permanently paranoid so I won't tell the difference between a friend and a user even if I had to. Voices in the head tell me everything I don't wanna hear. Take care reality calls.

[@milana2020]

@@sirpuffcelot you just gotta say it…

[@bonniey7299]

@@sirpuffcelot You made that really easy to understand. I just don't understand why your comment wasn't sent to the top comments section...😓

[@privateprivate8366]

Particularly at the start of this video, I sooo appreciate the articulation of how this feels. It is exactly what happened to me, as I was betrayed by my malignant, covert, narcissistic mother and was told that I’d always been used, once I got into my fifties. It is why, if I tell someone what happened and they reply, that I should just get over it and, worst of all, return to my mother as, she’s still my mother, I know it’s a - WRONG PERSON TO TALK TO!!! While you should be working to move on with your life, after going no contact, I don’t discount the gravity of it at all. I assume that those who can’t comprehend that, either life holds no importance for them or my life holds no importance for them, particularly in the face of the fact that it’s my “precious and all good mother”. But, make no mistake about it - it is a murder of sorts. I’ve been robbed of a good portion of my life. As a person ages, they cannot get that time back and recovery time and opportunities diminish. This is why, at least for me, even the most deft hoovering and the most committed flying monkeys and enablers can do and say absolutely nothing, to get me to ever see that person again. She’ll have to die without me and so will I, if I go first. But, it beats the reactive abuse she would receive and deserve.

[@Idothinkysaurus]

Narcissistic mothers are the worst of the worst. I've heard Peterson say something about mother's replacing their husbands with their sons, and I think he was talking about what I've basically experienced ever since my father passed. My mom talks to me like I'm my dad, picking fights and bantering with me like we're married. Only she gets to say she knows better because she's older. I didn't notice it for a time, but once I did I've been working on cutting the chord. I'm not playing games and I'm sick of pretending I am.

[@privateprivate8366]

@@Idothinkysaurus I think Peterson also speaks about being a monster or positive monster, with your parents. Hopefully, I’m not getting the terms and videos confused. But, basically, he’s saying that you cannot out your parents first for your whole life. Once you are if age, if you put your parents first, the reality is like you’re investing in the past or have a really bad investment portfolio. Plus, there are parents who are WELL AWARE of the fact that they’re taking over your life, for their benefit, they feel you have no choice and they really DGASF what happens to you when they’re gone. This is a very hard concept for most adult children to grasp, because we’re taught filial piety I’m not just eastern cultures, but the world over. It doesn’t mean you never do for your parents. But, you have to have an effective amount of individuation, understanding where they end and you begin. There are a lot of videos by Dr. Ramani, Little Shaman and many others, that address narcissism excellently and some of this covers the narcissistic parent, as well. Now, go get your life!❤️

[@Idothinkysaurus]

@@privateprivate8366 Thank you!

[@SteeleMagnolia]

You have just retold the story of my own life with the woman that brought me into this world, unequipped. I'm in my late 50s now, however, even though I've gone no-contact with her for the last few years, her narcissistic damage to my youth is still a dark presence. People that have never had the type of misfortune of toxic parenting have no clue to our pain. I've had this one friend tell me several times to suck it up, basically, and go on. Even the questionable pastor at the church I once attended with my husband has shown that any discussion of depression or mental illness is taboo. I no longer attend any church.

[@privateprivate8366]

@@SteeleMagnolia you have to consider a few things. Some of these people are never equipped - and never will be. They, typically, know nothing about narcissistic abuse and are so mired in tradition, convention, and filial piety, there really isn’t anything you can say to bring them out of that trance. Some of these people are actually in narcissistic relationships themselves and either cannot or will not release themselves from it, as they either will not recognize it or it is the devil they know. As a result, they may need validation to remain, which can include you remaining in your own narcissistic relationship. In other words, misery loves company and they actually won’t take kindly, to you having the audacity to leave your own situation. It is bad also, because the authorities and legal system feel much the same. I’ve, personally, had to advise the authorities that, no matter what they “think” I should be doing for my aging mother, I won’t be going back there. Because the abuse began when she was fat younger. But, I’ve mostly just stopped talking about it to anyone I know. It is not only behind me, but I’ve grown tired of the ignorant, righteous, disapproving stares, that actually give abuse a stamp of approval, because my mother is a mother. It’s as if I want to enjoy people, knowing less of their ignorant side, that can look into my face, and think that me being abused, on any level, is OK, because it’s from my mother, who “undoubtedly loves me”. You and I are in the same boat as, I’m just entering my late 50s and since I began learning about narcissism, because things grew super dark about 3 years ago, for better or for worse, I’m able to identify it in others and even my downstairs neighbor, who is suspect is a vulnerable narcissist, thinks my name should be Long Term Care, because she decided it was best to prepare for the likelihood of a hereditary illness, by watching TV, while I bust my ass to survive. So, they’re everywhere. Just that I’ve become far better at making them run. I guess, that much, I can thank my mother for.

[@mari1154]

this was exactly what I needed to hear

[@mossnames235]

This is literally the best piece of relationship advice as well as advice for dealing with psychopaths. So important

[@That1_CopDude]

totally speechless… how did this out of nowhere play on my queue? bro, i just came to this conclusion on my biological parent… literally bled me dry, played like my confidant, best friend, the one person I could speak about bullshit in my day to day life… so many signs showed glimpses to the manipulation, but I thought I was being a ridiculous and that was totally impossible, cause he was dad. Man, it’s a rough place to find myself in, shit… they say hindsight is 20/20, i guess we don’t find out the truth in that quote, until that quote is your life’s reality.

[@ARolls-dd2zd]

Liars don't usually want to be fixed or see any need to improve themselves. I'm alone with my 3 dogs because I'm sick of the lies.

[@demibarton4271]

Every time Dr. Peterson finishes a senteces, it rings true and there is tearing. And then he mentions another fact and another by the time the video is not even half done I want to tap out already the cuts are too many. After a few hours it will be time to get up. I will be asking her for the nth week now "How can I make your day better?".

[@crazyanimeloveable]

Time is a wonderful friend. Be patient any things willen clear up, you'll heal. I'm not there myself. But I've overcome before. Just need to fo it again

[@americanrefugee6756]

“It is impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!” (Luke 17:1) The silver lining of evil folks engulfing the noble few is the revelation of Christian martyrs, even in our day. God Bless, brothers and sisters. HIS kingdom comes!

[@noahkb80]

How about marrying them and having 3 children.... That was me and who I would later find out was a borderline/narcissistic personality disordered person. Only took me almost 16 years to figure it out. I spent the first 3 or 4 years ignoring all the warning signs and telling myself 'she'll grow out of this or get through it, and the good person I think is in there will come out". Then I spent the next 7 or so years thinking I was the worst person that ever lived and was crazy and unworthy of love. Then I spent the last 5 years discovering what was actually happening and who I was dealing with. Then the hardest part came after the horrific ending, or most horrific until the current situation that has me alienated from 2 of my 3 children for the last 2 years , but it was the moment when I faced one of the toughest and ultimately beneficial questions of my life. What was so wrong with ME that I ended up here? What kind of man was I to let this shit happen in my life and why the hell didn't I ever put an end to it ? It was the first time I'd ever heard of Dr Peterson and he was speaking about The Gulag Archipelago and how that man faced the very same question. I did not do well with it for a while. How had I been such a coward and allowed myself to be ran over completely ? How did I not see someone who I have no doubt in my heart is an evil person. How did I marry someone with the honest intention of spending the rest of my life with , and be completely blind to someone who takes joy in the suffering of others? Her entire family is that way. She uses and emotionally abuses her own children. What kind of mother does that? And what kind of father allows that. I still have to fight back tears even typing it. And there's still a hell of a long way to go. But I am thankful that atleast my eyes were opened to not only her and learning all about the psychology behind it and how she is living out the trauma of her childhood in the exact same fashion, but having my eyelids taped open pretty much and having who I really was put right in front of me, with no where to run. I've seen the dragons head , unfortunately when it was already fully grown and absolutely inescapable. But I saw it. And I had enough to work with to last me a life time. Its made me a better person. It's changed the way I see everything. I guess my biggest concern now, outside the wellbeing of my children, is the damage that was done. The sheer amount of pain and heartbreak from all of it. I dont think it will ever fully go away. It's a scar. A bad one. And I just hope one day I'll be able to fully enjoy life again without always knowing in the back of my mind, that no one else knows, I'm having to fake alot of any happiness I have now. I really do just believe that in life there can be situations where you see too much. You experience too much pain. Kind of like Froto from LOTR. The story goes on, but not for me. Unfortunately I feel that will be a part of my life forever. But I've always been a dreamer I guess. Maybe even a believer in fairy tales. I've always had this hope inside that the real storybook type happiness can be real here in life. But again with the LOTR reference, as Gandalf said , these not much hope left. Only a fools hope.

[@noahkb80]

I'd give anything for a chance to speak to Dr Peterson

[@EamonBurke]

Im right here with you man. 17 years of my short life, 3 wonderful kids, and it turns out their mother is just a dud. I recently have learned to recognize all the emotional manipulation, lies, abuse, and toxicity that I put up with. I gave her, just by not giving her what she deserved or returning how she treated me, thousands upon thousands of times to do better, and she spat on them all. I used to think about her being with another man and even the idea would fill me with abject rage. Now the idea of being with her sexually actually disgusts me. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a woman, or anyone to that extent, ever again. And my view of everyone around us is unfavorable to say the least. Most everyone by-standing seem like useless, witless, or malicious little fuckwits now. I wouldn't do anything differently. I didn't screw this up. I'm starting new, not carrying around the damage of what was lost. You and I both have plenty of life to live. The happiness we lost is the happiness of a child. It can go. What I had left of it I was growing to resent anyways, because it was directed laterally when it only has its place in the heaven of true freedom and trust where it belongs.

[@valerieoshaughnessy8375]

Simular experience, Marriage, 3 beautiful children, a nieve belief in the 'Happy Ever After' - After years of systemic Verbal, Physical and Mental abuse, I finally Broke free, when I realised my very survival depended on it. That's nearly 20 years ago now. But in my Middle-Life , I went on to meet the most Beautiful, Loving, Caring, Supportive Man, who had been through a similar experience with his Wife. And we grew Together, re Married , and I can truly say , our 20 years together have been truly Beautiful. We're both Pensioners now, so Please don't Give Up on the idea of Love & Healing. Keep your Heart open, and you never know what's around the corner. I wish you future Happiness and Health , and all that goes with it my friend. Life can Change in an Instant.

[@serpentbearer6649]

@@EamonBurke I thought I wrote this for a minute

[@serpentbearer6649]

This shit has a spiritual aspect to it. We are being taught. We are being tested. As painful as the last 10+ yrs have been, I have learned soo much and grown. It was necessary

[@tspedzia]

100% spot on.

[@Alabamasparra]

Needed to hear this today thank you xx

[@sebastiangray4002]

On my eighteenth birthday I was at my grandparents celebrating, I got cheesecake and was having a pretty good time with my uncles and grandparents and then my mom showed up. I hadn't seen her in a while so I was happy too see her. Then my grandpa caught her stealing something and sent her walking down the road. I convinced my grandma to give her a ride and I so I ran down the road to grab her and I learned she was addicted to heroin. It's crazy how right he is about a place also being a time. A span of 5 minutes sent me pretty far.

[@warrenthegreat]

You should know that people can quit heroin if they want to.

[@Nah_Bohdi]

Jeez, my sympathies.

[@serpentbearer6649]

There is a huge difference between someone fighting an addiction and a psychopath. I know many people who have battled with addictions and eventually overcame it and became a different person. My mom being one of them. I have alot of bad memories as a kid and I completely cut my mom out of my life early on. But after battling my own addictions and seeing her sober I decided to forgive her and I'm glad I have. Holding onto that anger and resentment towards her only hurt myself for many years

[@MidwestBoxin]

This man is a jewel… he is like a rapper who does accapellas, if he knows about it, he just flows like a river.

[@asstrix]

The last statement was the nail in the coffin. I learnt it the hard way.

[@tiffer3478]

Thanks for this.. good talk ❤

[@yolfonzo]

Went through a lot in the past 2 weeks...so many moments of synchronicity happened and allowed me to realize that my girlfriend at the time was a narcissistic manipulator. I got really lucky, God seriously saved me...I really cannot give myself the credit for it except for seriously paying attention to God's breadcrumbs. My Ex-Girlfriend was essentially a succubus, Oedipal Mother type of character...like the Gingerbread House in Hansel and Gretel - everything was too good to be true. Her philosophy was "As long as you don't leave, you can be as pathetic as you want to be." But at the same time my soul ached and my conscience screamed at me: "Leave." - I'd always listen to my mind find infinite reasons to dislike my Ex as if I was a magnet destined to repel her away. In this relationship: I was never truly listened to even though she made me believe I was, she always lied to make herself look better, it was hard to hold opinions and to be myself around her, I found myself needing to record important calls we were having cus something always seemed off about how we "solved conflict" without really solving it and how'd I feel exhausted talking to her because of this, she never really had a proper mirror of herself, and whenever I brought up how I don't feel I love her as much as she loves me she'd always make that my problem by saying it's because of my depression, or because I'm burnt out, or some other mental issue she could lay at my feet (Always saying stuff like "we'll bby I think it's because your brain....bla bla bla." My conscience was constantly screaming "Find someone else who calls to a higher part of yourself." Someone who would actually have enough self respect to leave me if I continued to be pathetic instead of my Ex - who would nurture the weakest parts of myself as an oedipal mother would. If anyone is going through the same sort of scenario, here are some tips: - Write down your experiences and what your thinking from the very beginning to the end of the conflict. It doesn't have to be perfect, try your best - your best will be good enough. - Explain out loud to yourself the entire situation as if you are the perfect listener (This will undoubtedly make you feel way lighter inside, I personally did this in Ableton Live so I could record it and have the reverb echo my voice back to myself.) - Ask yourself if your partner is nurturing only the weakest part of yourself - Remember you are not pathetic and worthless and you will able to find someone better. (This was especially hard for me since my ex had an amazing body - hence why I compare her to a succubus: The mythological creature that takes your soul or lifespan in return for pleasure.) - Truly listen to your conscience...there is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy. - If none of this is getting through to you, take psychedelics, mushrooms specifically: you will have fantastic clarity of mind and will be able to sort through problems extremely effectively. A belief in God or the transcendent also helps substantially on shrooms as there is a certain part of yourself that really only makes sense to be represented in divine terms. - It also helped to Have a therapist confirm my analysis of my situation, my therapist realized I just needed someone to tell me I wasn't crazy and that what I saw was the reality and he helped me learn to trust my conscience and inner voice a lot more. - Apologize to yourself sincerely for any self destructive things you might've done just to get over feelings like: you deserve being with someone who ain't good for you. - Question if your relationship mirrors your parent's...it's hard for a fish to notice its in water when the water is everywhere in its life. I hope this helps, my life is way better now and my ex lookin back like a Pillar of salt . 🧂 We on that Ultralight Beam. And she still be manipulating up until the bitter end. I even remember watching videos like these and nothing would get through to me until my floor eventually collapsed and my perceptions had to be reworked and adjusted as Peterson Talks about.

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

I had an arranged relationship , and I know now that it was with a somatic narcissist "sexaddict" when sex has the dopamine dump that meth has you can justify that title until then its just an excuse. Rid of him since 2007 ,celibate and single until right person appears in time and space . I thank G-D for my resilience.

[@Standownevil]

Thank you💙

[@EnnPeeCee]

... i might add, that one must be in the right place to even hear this most excellent advice. if only i had listened 27 years ago, and yet - i have finally learned.

[@johnnyaguilar9702]

Always give people a chance but if they don’t want to help themselves then there’s nothing you can do

[@radicalhonesty3628]

I am drowning, drowning, drowning... In fear and terror and shame and guilt and grief. SO. MUCH. GRIEF. Drowning, drowning... Drowning in all of it. Suffocating underneath the weight of all of it. It's too much. I can't take it. Hate myself. Hate who I am. Hate the way I look. It's all too much. The pain: unbearable. True love, for me: impossible. I die inside. Raped. Soul rape. I can't take the stress, the humiliation, the agony, the pain. I am tortured and overwhelmed.

[@dragscope]

this is exactly what i needed; simple as that

[@roymillsjnr5172]

Ive learnt so much from jordan 👍

[@Birthdaycakesmom]

How do we prepare ourselves mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually or whatever, for adultery while simultaneously not concerning yourself with your partner in the general sense you might with anything to a degree that is preoccupying and anxiety-inducing?

[@kindhumblejesse]

Thank you for making this video. It was if my entire relationship of over 10 years was explained in this video. The worse part is when you place most or all of your HAPPINESS into your significant other. When you made mistakes and learned from them and elevate and grow, but your partner stays the same in life, and actually becomes worse over time. It's never easy to BREAK FREE someone that can manipulate you and has been with you so long they can control you like a puppet. Never place your happiness in people, only hobbies. This seems barbaric yet, makes sense logical, even if it comes off cold. 🤔 The best for me seems to never place to much or the majority of your happiness in one or two or even three people. Spread it out among everyone you love, so as to minimize the hurt, and try to let go of having expectations of people. I know it's impossible not to have expectations, but it is possible to minimize it to the lowest possible number, and make it two and three step processes to get disappointed by such minimalistic expectations. The craziest thing about our relationship is this: In the beginning, I was the wild, untamed, beast. She was the kind, loving, beautiful person. In the end, I grew into the person I wanted to become, and my ex grew into the person I use to hate in myself in the beginning. I will never understand this. I ponder if I was the affector, the affected, or both. I wonder if I was the one that caused her to regress as a person, and her goodness and positivity transferred to me, while my bad traits and negative transferred to her in the process. I am the terrible person that grew into a great person, regardless of my external conditions and very few close friends as I had been hurt in my childhood so bad, most would never have a chance of ever recovering.

[@AngelaMay66]

She had to become dark because you hurt her so deeply that she had to become mean to survive. What you did, sucking out her light, left her dark. You're sick.

[@kindhumblejesse]

@@AngelaMay66 It was quite the opposite. She was a people pleaser, became a masterful liar over the years in every level, hidden in plain sight. I didn't suck the life out of her, I pushed her to strive for greatness, I tried to help her the entire time I worked on myself. I treated her like a queen. I elevated our family. In the end, the lies she told everyday became too great. She lost herself due to trying please everyone, and told everyone what they wanted to hear. I confronted her many many many times about lying to people right in front of me. I asked her many times too stop talking about people because of their looks or issues they couldn't control. I begged her to stop the facade. In the end, it all came down to the lies she told... the white lies, lying by omission, and every other lie one can tell became her Ethos. Her lies is what allowed me to break from free from the addiction of her, and the distance I created a cushion to not be manipulated back into a toxic relationship. Hard to manipulate someone you can't have easy contact too. But I understand, people get hurt in both sides, and when one person is begging the other to change, to become better, trying to help them, and they don't want too change and don't try to change, you come to a crossroads. Her people pleasing and lies she told to everyone was her greatest weakness. Her upbringing was to blame for this. It was rooted and ingrained into her long before I ever came into her life, during her childhood of wanting to make everyone happy and not DISSAPOINT anyone, and her actually believing this is how the world works. The DSM-5 manual actually breaks this down in-depth. The people pleasing liar is the most dangerous person in every room for many different reasons.

[@zKaya]

Your happiness lies within you. It doesn't come from others. It's nice to be happy with someone. You can't be made happy by another. It is inside your heart. Love, no object necessary.

[@charn913]

Love this -

[@chrissythomas5803]

Truth, thank you.

[@margaretestrella2862]

I was with someone and got pregnant and he denied it was his. I was so heartbroken. We would still be together and talk about the future and getting a place together but he would then flip out and accuse me again. I was so upset but not worried because I knew the truth and I'm not dumb because there is a thing called a DNA test. Well the day before my son was born I found out he had a girlfriend. I confronted him and he said that the girl was crazy and only met her once with friends. He told me I had nothing to worry about because I was the mother of his child. Well guess what? He was lying. I was so heartbroken and cried myself to sleep for months. He eventually stopped seeing my son and made lame excuses to not being able to see him like "fantasy football". It's been hard being a single mom but it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have an amazing sweet boy and don't have that sorry excuse of a man in our life.

[@soukainahanbal6289]

As JBP always says, No one gets away with anything, leaving your kid behind and destroying someone's life then expect to walk away like there's no moral law in the universe?!! He is so stupid and you and your kid are so much better without him, wishing you the best in life great mama ❤️

[@margaretestrella2862]

@@soukainahanbal6289 Thank You! Means a lot hearing that.

[@sylviehaddad2323]

That happened to me 30 years ago. Now he’s an old man and regrets not being there for our son. Funny and he blames me for it. I met a real man and married him. And I’m sure you will too.

[@JohnWilliams-channel]

There are few real psychopaths in the world, and I think most people are able to detect a complete lack of empathy in another human being. I think far more frequent is that people start to identify with different tribes, and our tribal nature can profoundly diminish the empathy we feel for those outside our tribe. Couples can grow together or they can grow apart, it is not necessarily any kind of error you make initially, but a failure to keep in sync with the kind of tribe you wish to belong to. The disciplines and habits we set up for ourselves determine whether or not we are going to stay on the same path. While there is some element of betrayal that can cause trauma, I would say that these actions are designed to separate people (perhaps unconsciously) when they are unhappy. Certainly this is a much better way of perceiving separation than betrayal. Sabotaging an unhappy relationship by seeking happiness elsewhere is often easier than trying to repair it. If you are happier being separated, then the betrayal has served its purpose. Consider it an act of mercy.

[@jaakkohintsala2597]

No, it is not mercy

[@JohnWilliams-channel]

@@jaakkohintsala2597 Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.

[@jaakkohintsala2597]

@@JohnWilliams-channel it's easy way out for those who don't have empathy for their partner

[@JohnWilliams-channel]

@@jaakkohintsala2597 It's an easier way out, period. If there was functional empathy in the relationship there wouldn't be a problem in the first place.

[@buyerbware25]

There are many psychopaths in this world. Some go unrecognized as such.

[@gabrielajmz]

Great Video 💛

[@hazelivory69]

Oh Jordan I love your advice… thinking about leaving and bein stepping on all the time is so hurtful this world is damned will all these social sites now. Nothing is real as is seems anymore 💔