How to Love Yourself Unconditionally: The Secure Base Effect

[@JulianneKeu]

Do you find value from topics like this? (You can just like this comment anonymously to let me know!) Thanks!

[@TheCaspercandy]

For sure, you explained your view on this in a very clear way. Good video!

[@JulianneKeu]

@@TheCaspercandy Thank you!

[@fe4000]

Excellent topic and content. Considering what I've seen on your other videos, you have a lot of experience and lucidity about psychological subjects from the perspective of someone who faced real challenges, much beyond a purely theoretical point of view. That adds great value and authority to what you share, specially for those of us who identify our struggles with your words. I've just landed on your channel while I was (still am) researching the use of psychedelics, mainly psilocybin, as a therapeutic tool to deal with long-term depression and enduring positive personality transformation, associated with meditation and other healthy habits. This video was of great value to me. Many thanks.

[@jaydee5638]

Yes! Thank you. This is the first video of yours Ive seen

[@AndrewWhannell]

Hi Jelianne, I hope you are well. Yes, this was very helpful for me. You have a way of articulating things that connect for me personally. Thank you. If you would like to explore more of these topics, I will certainly look out for them. FYI. I just started microdosing :)

[@user-mm7fx7jh5v]

One of the ways I learned self love was when I got a pet... I had spent a month or so with him when this question occurred to me "why do I love this so much cat?" It wasn't a particularly cute cat, I picked it up from the streets, he wasn't trained and he scratched me at time. But as I sat there mulling over this, I understood that I was delighted merely by his existence, no matter how he looked or how much he scratched me. I loved him for his presence. That was the day that I was able to grasp this concept of unconditional love.

[@brittanyoryan2260]

My therapist suggested that I look up gentle parenting tactics and then applying to myself. This has really helped me to heal my inner child and to heal my childhood trauma.

[@AleGuzmanL]

Can you provide an example?

[@Sharese.Channel]

I'm going to be doing this for myself. Thank you for sharing

[@elbj132]

That sounds like an amazing tip to apply to your life, I will try it, I wouldn’t ever be so hard on anyone as I am on myself. There’s no point in doing so.

[@marciamartins3432]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@diandraanaele5717]

Thank you for sharing this idea

[@benedictteo3689]

I m Struggling with Self Love so l m going to Try Your method of "I being My Best Friend!".

[@matthew-xx5ys]

I have always struggled with self love. However after reading the book "The Art of Peace" I realize that most of my emotional inconsistencies towards myself was due to lack of internal justification towards my actions.. You're a brilliant young lady.. Don't stop what you are doing.

[@JulianneKeu]

Thank you! Just the encouragement I needed to hear this week :)

[@benedictteo3689]

what is the Art of Peace mainly about??

[@nothinbutms]

@@benedictteo3689 an absolute MASTERPIECE... and to answer your question it's about peace. in the purest form.

[@dorisw2507]

I realized that the pressure to love myself was part of the problem. Because I was so traumatized and abused, the first step was making sure I was safe. Until then, loving myself felt like too much of a luxury I didn't understand.

[@sam-inte]

You can not start living until you're safe enough away from harm to stop surviving the same way you can not heal a wound with a knife still in it. And the people that surround you can hurt you without simply hitting you.

[@MonzonMedia]

"To be your own best friend" is exactly right. My own self talk I'm improving each day, I hadn't realize how negative my thoughts were towards myself and the feelings attached to it. Whether it was influenced by outside circumstances or my own insecurities I realized not too long ago that it needed to change and change right away. As the layers start to peel and I get more clarity on my personal journey I'm already seeing my path shift to a more happier and fulfilling life (non materialistic of course) and it takes time. I heard someone once say "self love is a lifestyle". It really is that simple. Sure there is more to it but really I think we over complicate things sometimes. For myself, I’ve had to reprogram a lot of my thinking and what society has told me what happiness and self love is.

[@JulianneKeu]

"Self-love is a lifestyle" -- I love it. Thank you for sharing a tidbit of your journey. I love reading about other people's experiences, particularly those from a different walk of life. It amazes me that despite our differences - how much we have in common by virtue of our personal growth and the things we aspire towards/ are afraid of. Thank you again for supporting another one of my videos (I can't thank you enough!!). Let me know if I could ever return the favor!

[@MonzonMedia]

Julianne Keu my pleasure I always look forward to your content. And thank you for supporting me as well.

[@LoBrookeMusic]

To any one reading this: I want you to know you are loved and you deserve to enjoy the good life has to offer ✨❤️

[@HospitalForSouls.X]

I'm so deep in self-loathing that even when I working on loving myself, I critique that! I grew up with a narcissistic abuser parent, so from the getgo my head was filled with nothing but criticism and expectation. My mother rarely said a kind word to me about myself --- I've been stuck in my head about every little thing that I do to help myself, and it feels like I'm sabotaging my own healing. My brain starts a war over everything, even makeup. I'll get into it with myself about how I'm not making any progress if I'm still wearing makeup, but then I think about how many self-loving women wear it. Then I get confused...and it takes me back to square 1 of realizing that my mother is still haunting me. Nothing I do is ever good enough. It's like two people are in my head...her and me, arguing over who is right. Lord help me.

[@twiixx83]

Keep fighting, You deserve it

[@triece18]

if you ever need a friend or anything you can always hit me up! it helps to have someone who u can relate to

[@felicityclark7070]

Good luck.its hard at first but keep going. You are doing well even to be opening yourself to seeing below the surface xx

[@jules9628]

Its epidemic-dysfunctional parent or two…

[@colourm3fab]

If this isn’t my life story… and I’m still watching her do it to my siblings. I’m so tired of fighting myself.

[@frankiegirl689]

For me loving myself unconditionally would mean spiritually, positive affirmations, treating myself the way I want to be treated, and giving my body, my organs (I know that sounds kinda funny) what they NEED that are good for them, so I can be healthy. I got a lot to work on lol

[@CherylMuir]

If you are reading this: You are valued, loved, and so worthy 💗

[@ChelseaSeburn]

Oooof, thank you for this view point. As a child of trauma (like yourself it sounds like), I've heard about attachment theory and how having good, loving, secure relationships as a child primes you for healthy relationships as an adult. I always cringe at that because I feel like it indirectly states that people who didn't grow up in that type of an environment cant. Which is far from true! Self-love is a journey of the self. With the right practice, anyone can have it ♥️

[@JulianneKeu]

So true! What I find about people who've experienced trauma in the past or "have been through sh**" -- these people tend to be wiser and more emotionally intelligent. I truly believe that one of our gifts as people who've "been there" - is the fact that we've had to learn certain lessons/capabilities to thrive and survive (and in turn can share with others). Thank you for visiting my channel! I love the value prop of yours. Be well!

[@manifestationwithsami]

If you do not LOVE yourself, you do not respect & value yourself. Then, you think, you do not deserve the best. BUT, believe it, you deserve the best✨ so love yourself more.

[@nivaz85]

Thank you so much for the video ! I suffered my whole life because I could not understand this concept of self love. For me it was like as a child I did not get my parents recognition and love...resulted in self doubt..self hate..and it finally led to clinical depression and anxiety...the concept of self parenting has given me hope !

[@shadowsruss9106]

Wow, thanks. I'm 65 and am just learning this now. I've been dealing with such strong emotions and have never known why

[@AndrewCarriveau]

It is important to be mindful towards ourselves in a more sensitive and understanding way

[@rcwhlfrd]

Commenting so more people might have this recommended. Just the 'reparenting yourself the way you deserved all along' was worth the watch. Thank you.

[@user-ib2bt4ck7y]

Hey, I just wanted to say this is a beautiful thing to put out into the world. I wish you so much joy and love for your intention. Thank you 😊

[@BridgetteAshleigh]

I had a very weak connection with my mother, and my dad has always been in other countries in the military. Currently he's been living in South Korea for the past 5 years or so. My mom neglected us, and my dad wasn't there for us in so many ways. I struggle so much with insecurity. I truly do not love myself, because I was taught that way. And my relationships have suffered because of it. Thank you for the video. You are amazing

[@myoasis9999]

you’re amazing!! this was such an eureka moment after all the years of struggle towards self love.. I usually hesitated to comment but now I’m setting myself free to express coz I wouldn’t restrict my child from doing so( if I had one).. thank you so much dear❤️finally it clicked to me as well, it was this simple.. parenting your inner child and providing her with the secure base that she didn’t ever get to have!! Only love💕

[@Leto85]

You said this very clear. Thank you. I especially love the be your own best friend part. As in: you don't belittle your friend. And this time you are your own best friend, hence don't belittle yourself. It makes so much sense. When I get out of bed today (it's 3:27 am :/) I'll go to the mirror and start Day 2 of telling myself that I love me. 100 says challenge, right? :) Let's Go me! You can do it me.

[@ashtonnamen2006]

Thank you so much. you really helped me and made me feel better about myself. I was looking everywhere on youtube about self-love, and this was the one video that actually helped me learn to love myself.

[@EvanKlasios]

This video set me free. THANK YOU!

[@taj____]

Treat yourself like someone you loved

[@kristynaespina6827]

THIS is the video I’ve needed, I’m really so willing to help everyone but myself

[@garycox3841]

You, Julianne are so talented in getting these words of wisdom out to all of us. Good job!! Thank you!!

[@cristinalopezmonterde6105]

I've always struggled with self love and being insecure. I'm going to try your advice of being my own best friend. Thank youu 🥰✨

[@GENOMCHAOS]

What a kind and sweet message towards the end of this video. Thank you Julianne. Much love to you.

[@BrianDonato]

Unconditional love is so necessary right now in this world ! I discuss that idea in the last video on my channel as well. I hope videos like ours inspire people to seek to uplift others (inc ourselves) instead of spread hate. Just subscribed to your channel also - You're the type of KZbinr that need's to be highlighted more

[@antrant7533]

This is the only video that has really explained how changing my thoughts can help me. Thanks!

[@annalaurab4361]

I've been really struggling. All the advice I've been given sounded good on paper but could never really figure out how to apply it. This made sense, thank you.

[@LOADING...o.o.o]

This perspective is really helped me to understand how to love yourself. It makes sense now.

[@veronicamacleod5719]

I loved this. Thank you. ❤️

[@MrJoshbeezy]

Thank You Thank You Thank You for this advice.

[@raynerng968]

Thanks for sharing, this is helpful

[@yasa.42]

This is a great video. Def the world would be a better place if we just loved ourselves

[@fatoomm7022]

yes girl yes it did make me cry

[@WildFireRelaxations]

Thank you so much for your videos. I just found you today and watched several videos and I can relate to you so much. Just thank you for giving me hope ❤

[@aalirillazz5558]

My friends don't be afraid to talk to yourselves either. I do every day and I even calmed myself down from an imminent panic attack in 5 seconds. I'm astonished by this video

[@larryboulware3063]

Very well put. Micro dosing has really helped both me and my wife to change/ignore negative self talk! Your videos are very inspiring 🙏🏻🙏🏼👍🏻🤙🏼

[@tiko545]

excellent. I'll try and be my own best friend and that way I can improve my relationships with others as well.

[@rachelamburgey6131]

Every time i want to compliment or reassure myself my inner voice says “you’re the only who thinks that, you are the problem and you can’t survive off of self love when everyone else hates you, don’t be a narcissist” advice on how to turn that voice off?

[@lilymugan123]

Thank you this is so helpful! 🥺Sending you and everyone some love!❤️

[@thecuriousquest]

Greetings from southern California! Thanks for willing to be so open and transparent on a public platform. Yikes, I do have room to grow in this department. I feel that I give give give, and work do hard. I do put my heart into what I do; it's lead me far and I feel that I've made my mark, but there definitely are some missing pieces. I've leaned on close friends for somewhat of a quasi parenting and connecting on deep levels that were lacking growing up. Both my folks are still alive, and I see them as the people they are, and have made strides in developing our relationship for the sake of learning more about them so I can better understand myself, you could say. It would make a good subject for a Kimya Dawson song. Be well! :)

[@JulianneKeu]

That's the relationship I have with my parents too (particularly my mom) - an acceptance of who they are and a deep level of respect for them. It hasn't always been that way though. I'm glad my journey has led me to the point of forgiveness, compassion, and then, appreciation. Have you put much thought about where you'd like to be re: self-love before you become a parent yourself? I have! Thanks for sharing your experience. I love, love , love reading about them :D

[@thecuriousquest]

@@JulianneKeu I'm going to guess that you experienced some role reversals as I did. I know we're not alone when I say that we experienced an emotional overload when having to provide guidance and support to a parent that was defeated by poor decision making. There were times when my siblings and I had to cover up her mistakes to prevent us from being separated from her. I do not regret doing this. It was an act of love.

[@echoflame4279]

I feel like I can only be loved conditionally anymore. Because if I haven't proven that I deserve the love I'm supposed to give myself--it doesn't feel warranted. The only time I can ever feel that way is if (ironically) it's clear that everyone else doesn't care--so instead unconditional love/patience becomes a necessary coping mechanism just so I can be more patient with myself when no one can be. All just so don't split my head open against the corner of a wall in front of everyone so I don't have to be conscious for my mistakes. It's really hard to almost always be in that situation.... Where it's clear that patience and unconditional love ARE important, but aren't readily available from the people we need it from. So me giving myself this "unconditional love" just feels like patting myself on the back for absolutely nothing. It feels like unless there's a clear source of someone giving sincere love, there's no way to just magically muster it up.

[@nghila900]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@julietaadriano1187]

Thank you! 🤍

[@mbansal1508]

wonderful message.

[@nicholepoynter9397]

Thank you for your love and beauty that you put into our world 💕

[@swisstrader]

We are our own worst enemies. I didn’t have amazing support as a child...it’s was just good enough. That being said, my trick throughout life has been to fight “above my weight”, meaning even when I’m full of doubt or insecurity, my constant mantra in my head is how AMAZING I am whether that be in business, sports, or life in general. I know I’m not that amazing, but helps a lot with being successful.

[@abrahamlewis1927]

Great video! Thanks for the valuable information!💥

[@Yay_be]

✨✨Thank you! 🤍💫✨✨

[@andywood7867]

Accessible explanation. Thank you.

[@Robert-cy3qx]

thank you so much!!! you are so kind!! I love you, beautiful soul

[@davidyang6074]

Great tips!

[@joshthomas6219]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

That makes so much sense!

[@hestonbrocklehurst2945]

Great video thank you so much.

[@roberthambly9926]

Thanks I needed to hear that.

[@ailuro3985]

Thank you for this beautiful video ❤️

[@zorga0001]

Love this message thank you 😊

[@AB-C1]

Thank you for your excellent video again. Best wishes from London England 👍❤️💪😎🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🙏🕉️

[@jorcook]

This is amazing

[@mikebucur8461]

Great video.

[@claudiu1988]

Great video

[@oasisflame]

Great vid also you look like the girl from the show Jane the virgin

[@TrishLee]

This is a wonderful topic. Thanks for sharing your awesome insights. Really helpful. I love being here in your channel :)

[@JulianneKeu]

Thank you Trish! I just subscribed to you too :) Love the topics that you cover

[@TrishLee]

@@JulianneKeu Thank you so much, Julianne. Hope to see you around.

[@jayhadit8923]

Ty

[@Ellie-f9w]

I actually thought of a new way to live myself but Idk if it works like If I was a boy I would be OBSESSED with him like not if so was a boy if there was a boy version of me I would emendiatlly fall for him I think it’s bc the thought of loving a girl is weird to me and Idk why but I can’t love myself bc I feel weird and cringe doing it so I just imagine if I was a boy myself I would love the girl version of me so I basically love myself and I do that every time I feel weird about myself

[@Super-lucky-7777]

How do you deal with being so attractive everyday.

[@Musicandfilms7]

It's a nice idea but I personally find it impossible, I can't give myself the same unconditional love that I give to my pets

[@madeline982]

Why?

[@Musicandfilms7]

@@madeline982 Because I simply don't love myself, and you can't "force" love

[@madeline982]

@@Musicandfilms7 I definitely understand. but instead of focusing on not loving yourself, why not just value the qualities you do have? For example, sure you don't love yourself, but you're loving and compassionate towards your pets, and you seem to be expressive with your thoughts which not everyone can be. Of course I don't know you, but logically if you can point out at least one good quality about yourself there's probably 10 more you have that you might be missing. Self love is an annoying idea in my opinion, but self concept is maybe more tangible

[@Musicandfilms7]

@@madeline982 Thank you

[@madeline982]

@@Musicandfilms7 You're welcome

[@chillingongreens]

I want to practice self love. But I still find it hard to love an ugly, stupid loser. I just think I don't deserve it. Is this fear? I am afraid to take that leap of faith. I hate myself so much. It's hard. It is a mountain I've kept falling off of. And I finally feel broken. But I'm practicing love. I... don't want to make up for anything. I want to love because I want to. Even though I'm broken from the fall. This is a rock bottom. It feels safe. I'll plant love where I can crawl.

[@ahealingplace7350]

❤❤

[@annanguyenlifecoach8544]

😘😘😘

[@jobunny919]

Dang you are so pretty

[@thataknangfamily1546]

Chào chị gái xinh đẹp, tùy không hiểu tiếng Anh, chúc chị ngày mới tốt lành nhé, hello

[@praneshrajendra3291]

This is false. My primary caregiver was there to meet my needs consistently yet I still turned out being very insecure. Explain that

[@jellewierda3828]

?

[@SKF358]

Good video, but you won't see me in your next video. I'll see you. That's how KZbin works.

[@burgundyb11]

That’s not true my mother and dad were great with me financially and I suffer low self esteem

[@triece18]

everyone is very different. you can’t necessarily say “that’s not true” because multiple things affect self esteem. it’s not true for YOU. in your case, it could be genetics, SELF-neglect etc. especially if you’re good in school that leaves a lot less time to focus on yourself and learn to love yourself. anything could be the issue

[@yandhi4202]

just financially? thats only one dimension

[@bryantcofty2709]

So, "how" do you do it? Realizing that you deserve it doesn't do it for me.

[@Nunyabznis]

Smart and well spoken. Smoking hot.

[@jdt8983]

Secure attachments? Ha. I thought that shit was only in the movies. Or corny tv shows from the 80s

[@jct3439]

Basically, to sum up the video’s entire concept of self-love: Buy bitcoin.

[@maheshmangar1450]

Lmaoo

[@shellardredding886]

So true

[@alibee6281]

Lovely video