Just as the Founding Fathers Intended

full-auto magazine-fed brown bess
TWITTER: GearheadVO
If you have any voice acting or voice over requests let me know and if it's funny I'll do it.

[@Riptomus364]

That was extremely constitutional of you

[@GearheadVO]

Right on.

[@warthunder9155]

@@GearheadVO the founding fathers allowed people to own literal artillery guns. Sooo.

[@GearheadVO]

@@warthunder9155 I want my fucking M777

[@warthunder9155]

@@GearheadVO how bout just full auto?

[@GearheadVO]

@@warthunder9155 A full auto M777

[@alexrecrem9094]

If I broke into a house and the man said "tally ho lads!" While wearing a powered wig I would break back out.

[@RiksathePaladin]

There is nothing in that house worth stealing

[@sebtiancamps1438]

@@RiksathePaladin I'd leave the second he calls me a ruffian there is nothing worth taking at that point

[@Dontworryaboutit961]

Heavenly is that you?

[@xavierhernandez-dones4497]

@@sebtiancamps1438 you just quoted heavenly you fucking madlad

[@jaythehuman2552]

@@xavierhernandez-dones4497 its almost no one has original jokes.

[@MrSam2497]

"bro are you high?" "Let me check. Yes, high on American spirit, just like the founding fathers intended"

[@marielosvindas1247]

Max0r Reference???

[@darkbooger]

"And there's nothing more American than shooting a man in this Walmart of a world."

[@rafaelmartinez9259]

​@@marielosvindas1247ye.

[@mikeoxmaul45]

Well if it isn't SuHssy JaHck

[@hydraslayer8469]

"High on American spirits, just as the founding fathers intended"

[@kvproductions2581]

Fun fact: most people think if you showed this meme to the founding fathers they wouldn't laugh because they don't underestand modern humor, but the real reason they wouldn't laugh is because they're dead.

[@geegoflex6762]

This is very coherent for a modern joke

[@danic_c]

They wouldn't laugh because this is unironically what they intended.

[@MountainMemelord]

Behold the peak of German comedy.

[@prestonjones1653]

​@@danic_c Jefferson looking at this: Ah yes, current events. Time traveling memelord: No Mr. President this is a joke. Jefferson: Hmm... are you sure? My cousin did this almost word for word last week except for the car alarms. What is a car anyway?

[@landofthehazymist]

​@@prestonjones1653makes me wonder if they had alarms back then without electronics? Perhaps roosters, servant bell, clock, bugle. But bugles mostly military and roosters yell whenever tf they want

[@LaserCoreX]

"Misses him entirely, because it's smooth bore, and nails the neighbor's dog." ATF Approves.

[@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98]

incidentally, the neighbor had a 15.98 inch barrel .22

[@12vscience]

They are receiving new training on that issue: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qam7lWl3ibSDnpo

[@maxalaintwo3578]

"Jimmy, the ATF shot my fucking llama"

[@gatoloco3949]

I hate the ATF.

[@ausore9832]

so this was their plan all along huh...

[@triangulum8869]

I love how the cannon is always loaded and always mounted at the top of the stairs

[@dancingbanana105]

a good citizen is always ready to defend his rights

[@cheems.6159]

man is prepared. i to put an MG42 in my kitchen refridgerator if i ever need it

[@robertnett9793]

@@cheems.6159 See... that's why I have rigged my house with 224 155mm artillery shells. With the impact detonator carfully screwed off and replaced with hand-granade lynch-pins. And some wire criss-crossed around the house. THEY NEVER WILL GET ME ALIVE! Or the neighborhood for that matter...

[@sayven]

Imagine having guests. "Oh don't worry, come up here, I won't fire the canon!"

[@Beregond1861]

"Just as the founding fathers intended."

[@lowfatmilk1243]

A classic blunder for home defense first timers, you don’t have the cannon at the top of the stairs as it could block the stairway, a much more practical option is to have a full 15 man musket firing line positioned in a volley fire position at the top of the stairs instead.

[@TrueHey]

Simply impractical, remember the Boston Massacre, we wouldn't want to accidentally kill the neighbor's dog now What you really need is a galleon in the pond in your backyard, not in your way, can't be destroyed with a mere pistol, and covers all areas of the house

[@_JoeVer]

no, just use a ladder

[@FleshWizard69420]

Just as the Founding Fathers intended

[@edwindooley2303]

And your second mistake was the bayonet charge, that's what the draggons are for you silly continental.

[@awoken9262]

Noted

[@ImmaLittlePip]

"tally ho lads!" Translation to modern slang: YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE FOOO

[@Real_Batman904]

oi! Oi OI OI. Tis I Carl. Please calm down. I am not ruffian

[@averagetim3441]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@Real_Batman904Carl Johnson? My good fellow! What brings you hither?

[@shprungus]

If I’m robbing a man and the first thing I hear is “What the devil?!?” As a man in a powdered wig grabs a musket I’m jumping right back out the window

[@richardbudgell7507]

Right? Full on defenestration, and Then if the window was like intact, I’d jump through the glass and make a run for it.

[@Perdix64]

Kidding me? I'm curious and I'll probably have a weapon to fight back if I'm a robber.

[@zoomzoom2276]

@@Perdix64 If I were you I wouldn’t stick around, if he runs out of ammunition he’ll grab his saber, then you’ll be in for it

[@phantomaviator1318]

What if he's quad-wielding 1911s?

[@Perdix64]

@@phantomaviator1318 1911's weren't made, be worried if he's quading a flintlock pistol.

[@cashkromsupernerd1193]

Man, Home Alone is a little different than I remember

[@lepatty5057]

IKR

[@redclayscholar620]

Marv: *sticks head through dog door* Kevin McCallister: "Hello." chk-POW! Harry: "Marv?"

[@bandicootmaon5979]

Wait this isn’t home alone I didn’t know

[@maciwithdahat]

@@redclayscholar620 used grapeshot

[@fr3e.]

home alone: Kevin learns history

[@banditlord8210]

This is a reminder that you can legally own cannons…so in theory grapeshot for home defense is indeed technically legal..

[@Sppokk]

The mountains of paperwork make it not a fun idea anymore

[@whowantstoknow2967]

​@Sppokk No paper work either, under federal law all black powder firearms do not require any registration. You can order cannons online.

[@nyotamwuaji6484]

​@@whowantstoknow2967or build them! And then, what is a bowling ball but a large cannonball

[@warrmalaski8570]

The big thing is the damage you do others property firing it. Even if it's self-defense you're still on the hook for the cost and possibly legal issues. But if you have ten acres and no one but the bad guy gets hurt it's perfectly fine.

[@olliegoria]

​​​​​@@warrmalaski8570Not quite. The burglar is somehow still entitled to not being maimed. If it's found you set a trap or otherwise used excessive force to intentionally kill someone, breaking in or not, you're going to have a long day in court ahead of you. What most people don't realize is that self-defense will usually apply when the opponent is a threat to your life. Someone breaking in to steal some shit isn't exactly a threat to your life, depending on the situation. You might not get thrown in the can for life for murder, but they can still charge you with battery or even manslaughter. Then again, this varies from state to state; some have the castle doctrine or "stand your ground law", while others will treat the burglar with the same rights they treat you with. See Katko v. Briney if you want to know more about how that chicanery works.

[@kim98677]

One of the absolutely best green texts ever created

[@GearheadVO]

Fact

[@RealAugustusAutumn]

Remember, Thomas Jefferson believed citizens should be able to own canons and warships if they could afford them

[@roomyhaddock3245]

Based

[@thefederalrepublicoferusea3900]

Very based

[@enriquejocson8117]

@@thefederalrepublicoferusea3900 Of course the Erusians would approve of armed civilians.

[@StarboyXL9]

Unfathomably based

[@kevinflaherty1]

I’m gonna need a bigger swimming pool

[@XtreemAlan]

If I'm robbin' a dude and he calls me "Ruffian" bro I'm just walkin' back out the door

[@linkfromzelda1002]

TheRussianBadger

[@jeremytung1632]

There is nothing in that house worth taking.

[@archesworn377]

@@jeremytung1632 u mad bro?

[@xavierhernandez-dones4497]

Who wouldn't be fucking terrified

[@mertyuip06]

Nah i would just pay him for him not to ever say ruffian

[@doctorstrange7582]

If I'm robbing a dude and he calls me "ruffian" bro I'm just walking back out the door. -Heavenly

[@noahdean9685]

There is nothing worth taking out of that house

[@kostakatsoulis2922]

​@@noahdean9685i don't know, I could use a good 12-pounder

[@Smelly556]

I was always more of a saber/bugle man myself. Imagine you are a robber and you hear *"FOR THE KING!"* as a man in a red coat, powdered wig and tri corn hat sprints from upstairs at you with an officer Sabre while laying down a sick tune on the bugle

[@scottski02]

Just as King George III intended

[@kevinprzy4539]

This would be against the king, these are the first Americans and I’m pretty sure this is based on a real story even though it’s a copypasta and the men the guy was killing were British soldiers.

[@nickhuddleston4732]

That would probably terrifying to see a redcoat charging at you with a bayonet

[@patrik9328]

I would scream

[@esequieltrindade9244]

Sorry but i have my confident hand-bomb, rifled snaplock, pikehauber and discipline of the great prussian grenadiers, just like peter the great intended

[@justtheinstinct4893]

You had me at "blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man. He's dead on the spot."

[@justacloaker4258]

"draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because its smoothbore and nails the neighbours dog."

[@dracenut8915]

@@justacloaker4258 "I had to resort the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot."

[@sebtiancamps1438]

@@dracenut8915 bro the badger clip always gets me to laugh

[@pugs8mmybrain854]

The extra shrapnel and noise sets off car alarms

[@Del80VR]

“Grape shot shreds two men in the blast the shock wave and shrapnel set off car alarms”

[@overipecanine1485]

I think the fact that it looks like they are just following him to see what he does even if it means death is just brilliant.

[@TheLunarLegend]

To be fair if i break into a house and the homeowner gets on a powdered wig and goes full 1820 I'm sticking around to see what happens

[@AlexeiBorodin555]

@@smeggiamagarwine and last

[@at-90ree13]

@@AlexeiBorodin555 but it's interesting every second of the way

[@magosexploratoradeon6409]

@@TheLunarLegend And that's how you die, but atleast you're not dying the boring way.

[@tinfoilhat6841]

This town is only big enough for the two of us

[@Israelyguy14]

"75-year-old Vermont homeowner opens fire with muzzleloader after he says 3 armed men tried breaking in" Ah, just like the founding fathers intended.

[@JakeIsBetter5535]

That fourth guy was unidentifiable red mush that was mixed with the identifiable red mush

[@mcgoldenblade4765]

That "what the devil???" Had so much raw emotion behind it.

[@scottski02]

"Misses him entirely and nails the neighbor's dog." ATF: "What's the issue?"

[@ADogNamedStay]

AFT: *what am I?*

[@12vscience]

They are receiving new training on that issue: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qam7lWl3ibSDnpo

[@Seagull780]

"Misses?"

[@PotterPossum1989]

They shot Randy Weaver's dog on Ruby ridge

[@Seagull780]

@@PotterPossum1989 They shot his son too

[@redjaypictures4528]

Fun fact: muskets are not counted as firearms by the US so you can legally own one without having to register or license it

[@ollikoskiniemi6221]

Same goes with any percussion cap device. Colt navys for example.

[@quarkonium3795]

Considering you’re almost more likely to kill someone with the butt of the gun than with a musket ball, that actually makes some sense

[@joshuabrown7815]

One?

[@C62242]

JUST AS THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED.

[@DreadnoughtHvor]

@@ollikoskiniemi6221 you can also get a black powder revolver you can switch the cylinder to and neither cylinder nor original black powder revolver are firearms butthe end result is.

[@thomasbraithwaite1381]

Depending on where you live the only thing illegal about this setup is the powdered wig because some powdered wigs in the very early days of the fashion were made with essentially asbestos powder.

[@slickback5100]

If you break into someone's house and hear "what the devil?" it's over for you g.

[@a_common_weeb]

I love how there's a normal American police explorer and then a British jag police car at the same house

[@colliecop]

And an LAPD Fusion

[@the-letter_s]

it's canada but based

[@ADogNamedStay]

*Cuz day dah poeleeccceee*

[@ManiacMayhem7256]

Nice profile picture

[@the-letter_s]

@@ADogNamedStay nice profile picture

[@EliWritesStories]

Good lord, he didn't have a puckle gun at the ready? Quite sad!

[@scottbruckner4653]

The fact he doesn't have six pistols/pepperboxes across a chest bandoleer depresses me and robs a man of what the founding fathers intended.

[@tacticalsocialist8060]

Puckle gun with square or round chambers/bullets?

[@pnp072000]

@@tacticalsocialist8060 Those ruffians gave up their Christianity by breaking into that fine lad's home, so the square ones of course.

[@josephstalin7353]

where was the lad's blunderbuss?

[@KillaIn556]

@@pnp072000 were they Turkish

[@theotherjared9824]

A cannon at the top of the stairs loaded with Grapeshot was actually a smart move by the homeowner. The invaders have to go up the stairs, the cannon blast is made even more powerful point blank and assisted by gravity, and grapeshot was specifically designed to take out whole groups at once.

[@arthurthekyogre9155]

Lyrics: I Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up _ah_ just as the founding fathers intended

[@426cylinders7]

“Ah, just as the founding fathers intended.”

[@jlogitoffical1212]

Indeed

[@mertyuip06]

That’s in the north south if you don’t own a fully automatic extended magazine explosive ammo with a nuke launcher attached to a m249 you ain’t really murican

[@marcussims8934]

good thing he didn’t take out the multi shot musket

[@Mitchell_WerBell_III]

@@marcussims8934 ah yes I remember felling many loyalists by volley firing my shit musket

[@marcussims8934]

@@Mitchell_WerBell_III look up the multi shot musket that thing was full auto

[@iBloodxHunter]

The funniest part isn't the joke, it's that unironically the founding fathers intended for civilians to own artillery.

[@huss4r1864]

What the founding fathers say is what the founding fathers want.

[@RusskiBlusski]

When the constitution was written people privately owned war ships like frigates. The constitution was written so that any weapon the government can have so can the civilian.

[@sileikalaimonas]

I mean... It would save a fortune in storage costs for the government...

[@XboxSniperlegend630]

Keep in mind we can also legally own nukes if we have the money for it

[@leargamma4912]

​@@XboxSniperlegend630 nukes are bad, but a good defense is necessary to secure the land

[@sirstone4545]

Watching this on the 4th of July. Happy Independence Day!

[@GearheadVO]

Happy Burger Freedom Day! Be sure to share far and wide to celebrate what's truly great about America: the freedom to own an arsenal of automatic rifles

[@dannycarter3647]

@@GearheadVO I think your sarcasm is lost on this yank mate.

[@GearheadVO]

@@dannycarter3647 I wasn't being sarcastic. It's one of the few things I envy Americans for: being able to own such a wide variety of firearms. This channel is pro-gun

[@queuedjar4578]

@@GearheadVO You're half right, owning automatic weapons is a violation of federal law without permits unfortunately (thanks ATF). Absolutely NOT as the founding fathers intended :/

[@DatBoi69420]

Yes I believe in “as the founding fathers intended” I should be allowed to own a canon and have my own private ship with more canons

[@gottesurteil3201]

I know this is satire but I fully support this man and his actions.

[@dingusdangus1790]

The point is to make fun of people that say "the 2nd amendment is about muskets" while claiming that modern weapons are going to be more dangerous.

[@johnuthus]

@@dingusdangus1790 a wound that you can heal from or a golf ball sized hole that will guarantee a death. i belive the left wants the second so they die quicker.

[@D00000T]

I don’t know man. I wouldn’t want my neighbor firing a cannon at 3 am every week because someone thought they could take them on this time

[@hansoak3664]

@@dingusdangus1790 Well, the video shows the absurdity of those who confine the 2A to simply protecting one's home against common criminals instead of its more focused intent of protecting liberty from tyrants. The video shows the over-kill of the 2A were it just about defending one's home from common crime.

[@voidstrider801]

@@hansoak3664 2A will only mostly ever be used to defend one's life, home and property and to deter foreign powers from invading a country where there are more guns than people. Americans will never use 2A or guns to oust any sitting member of the government, don't make me laugh, that is a bad joke and deep down you know it will never happen, be honest with yourself if not others at the very least.

[@federalbureauofinvestigati9177]

when this home defense setup is more dangerous than an ar15 ever could be

[@bataton7733]

Just. As. The. Founding. Fathers. *Intended!*

[@federalbureauofinvestigati9177]

@@bataton7733 god bless america

[@mustafaabdelwahab1478]

Tell that to the ATF

[@spicygoodness6928]

@@mustafaabdelwahab1478 they won’t listen, they’ll just nail your dog instead

[@syntax1235]

@@spicygoodness6928 *Angry John wick noises*

[@levitheguy6086]

I think the funniest part is they didn’t even chase him or try to escape, they just followed him to their deaths out of curiosity 💀

[@lillet2146]

as a founding father this is indeed what we had intended

[@danlorett2184]

This man is MILES ahead of the ATF. He ALREADY shot the dog!

[@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98]

he had a 15.98 inch .22 rifle with a bump stock

[@TolerablyInterested]

@@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98 "fully automatic assault ghost musket"

[@realdragon]

I don't get it

[@TolerablyInterested]

@@realdragon the atf has a running joke at they're expense that they kill dogs when it is entirely unnecessary (not really a joke because they do). and it was referring to the "it misses because its a smoothbore and nails the neighbours dog" part of the video.

[@realdragon]

@@TolerablyInterested That's why gun control is important because some retards are killing dogs for no reason

[@cerebralmalsey]

It's scary how effective old weapons were on a damage basis.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

If your target is less than 10 feet away, anything from the last 600 years will do. Weapon development is all about range and reloads.

[@waffleblitzkrieg1765]

@@pretzelbomb6105 I'd actually perfer to get shot by a modern gun as we have tech to treat them the old lead ball would take so much flesh out of your torso thay any where would be fatal and if you did live you suffer from lead poisoning!

[@lufsolitaire5351]

@@waffleblitzkrieg1765 That’s something I’ve always wondered. If someone was shot non-lethally in an extremity, could modern doctors and medicine save the arm/leg or would they have to bust out the ole bone saw like it’s 1863?

[@JamesJJSMilton]

@@lufsolitaire5351 Old guns arent have as deadly as people pretend they are. If you get shot, so long as the wound doesn't hit anything vital, doctors could save you. if you get shot in the face, by either a 556 or a lead ball, you're fucking dead

[@waffleblitzkrieg1765]

@@lufsolitaire5351 well its going to depend on the limb but in general you bleed out in under 5 mins so your probably dead the sheer force and amount of flesh taken by the shot would probably hit an artery and you would bleed out. Most rifles back then fired bigger rounds then most modern anti armor guns do. Most Kentucky Long riffles where .50to 2.0 cal which is basically going to eviserate you. There is a reason this type of gun was used until the late 1800's. Add to that the second degree burns from the powder at such a close range and the lung damge from the caustic smoke plus lead you are either going to die from the wound or its comorbid conditions

[@jocosesonata]

0:04 - 10/10 Perfect delivery of "Ruffians", you can clearly hear the disgust in his tone.

[@betinacarreto7679]

In the words of the great HeavenlyFather, “If I’m robbing someone and they call me ruffian, I’m walking the other way”.

[@avishai7830]

Something like this happened during the Revolutionary War. 78-year-old Samuel Whittemore killed three British soldiers in exactly this fashion as recounted here from a Wiki article: "Whittemore was in his fields when he spotted an approaching British relief brigade under Earl Percy, sent to assist the retreat. Whittemore loaded his musket and ambushed the British grenadiers of the 47th Regiment of Foot from behind a nearby stone wall, killing one soldier. He then drew his dueling pistols, killed a second grenadier and mortally wounded a third. By the time Whittemore had fired his third shot, a British detachment had reached his position; Whittemore drew his sword and attacked. He was subsequently shot in the face, bayoneted numerous times, and left for dead in a pool of blood. He was found by colonial forces, trying to load his musket to resume the fight. He was taken to Dr. Cotton Tufts of Medford, who perceived no hope for his survival. However, Whittemore recovered and lived another 18 years until dying of natural causes at the age of 96."

[@ColdHatch]

People back then were fucking built different

[@pjsmitty83]

Too based and angry too die. I salute you Mr Whittemore. Fucking savage.

[@AR15andGOD]

God bless samuel whittemore!!!!

[@Ungabunga923]

The pistols obviously weren’t smooth bore

[@22burnsie]

I know his fucking ancestor. I went to high school with a Whittemore from south eastern, Mass

[@fordmotorman]

Looks like something out of a internet historian video

[@omsamuelmcgarbage20]

yes!

[@matheussanthiago9685]

there's a clear influence here

[@unlimited8410]

Must be the use of animating still stock footage

[@Randomyoutuber-4831]

For a while I legitimately thought this was a clip taken from one of his videos.

[@justsomerandompigeon5080]

It’s actually taken from a russianbadger video.

[@hggs4466]

Every body gangsta till your 300 year gun powder doesn't ignite

[@Diego-zz1df]

I dunno about the founding fathers but I'm sure Andrew Jackson would give this 100% approval.

[@twentysecondcenturywoman]

Andrew Jackson was the literal definition of “IDGAF, I’m gonna do what I want.” I’m pretty sure he told someone of Congress he would shoot them for trying to go against something he said ahahaha

[@vegas6824]

@@twentysecondcenturywoman he threatened to hang South Carolinian senator John C. Calhoun for attempting to nullify the tariff of abominations 😄

[@EndOfSmallSanctuary97]

⁠@@twentysecondcenturywomanHe also threatened to hang any governors that wanted to secede from the Union. The guy was hardcore.

[@TheAaronChand]

Also Andrew Jackson was 14 years old during the American Revolution so he was alive during the American Revolution War period him and his brothers where teenagers his oldest brother Hugh who was aged 16 years old . fought in the Continental Army and died of heat stroke at the Battle of Stono Ferry on June 20 1779.

[@lsswappedcessna]

He would complain that the ruffians weren't either Indians or British instead. Then he'd throw a huge party and get shitfaced.

[@Dethflash]

If the founding fathers could understand modern humor, they would certainly appreciate this masterpiece.

[@rickysanders6487]

I'd say Ben Franklin's sense of humor is pretty timeless. "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead." "Fish and guests stink after three days." "God works wonders now and then; Behold a lawyer, an honest man." "Force shits on reason's back."

[@rebeccascarlet2680]

people weren't unhumorious then they just got annnoyed easily still people get annoyed easily by me

[@ratnapkins7853]

I think they'd appreciate it, but not get the humor. They'd hear us all laughing and wonder "Where's the joke?"

[@rasputin2750]

@@ratnapkins7853 most likely. I think anybody can get the message behind this joke, however I think the absurdist humor would be lost on them.

[@brianradical4584]

Cause that's whats stopping them from getting it

[@IvoryTower779]

Honestly the *TALLY HO LADS* would immediately make me run because this dude is crazy

[@chrisb9143]

"four ruffians"

[@oz_jones]

Or hearing a blackpowder musket go off

[@brolyfan632]

btw in the like 1609s,YOU COULD LEGALLY OWN GUNS WITHOUT LICENSING!

[@fico1557]

donut operator was here

[@GearheadVO]

Huh

[@avionrico6941]

@@GearheadVO donut operator was here

[@GearheadVO]

@@avionrico6941 banned for being a smart alec

[@apollenn]

@@GearheadVO A man named Donut Operator shouted you out in his newest video. He's an active channel with 4 mill subs

[@GearheadVO]

@@apollenn So I see. Pretty sound of him, I suppose now I'll have to upload again

[@WojciechP915]

The Puckle gun was a revolving Gatling-gun predecessor invented over 50 years before the Revolution. The Founding Fathers were absolutely aware of weapons that rapidly fired many shots without reloading.

[@tommyvercetti5112]

Throw in a puckle gun or two for good measure, in case you're invaded by Turks

[@mothsfavlamp]

Puckle gun had an rpm of 9 though lmfao. Average machine gun has an rpm of over 600. Average rifle in the Revolutionary era could do 3 to 5 rpm. The puckle gun was a unique invention, but it certainly wasn't remotely close to what we have today.

[@WillHelm236]

But even before that invented in 1630 we had the khaltoff repeater which shot 30-60 rounds per minute, which of course still isn't close to what we have today but the founding fathers were not stupid and most definitely saw guns being innovated on even more

[@animefreak10x]

The question is, do you want to load it with circular rounds or the square ones?

[@lsswappedcessna]

the puckle gun was just strange. It was basically a giant flintlock revolver mounted to a tripod, and could have its barrel switched out to fire square bullets "for non-Christians." For how weird that thing was, I think they knew guns were about to get a whole lot weirder and a whole lot deadlier in a span of about 100 years. The Maxim machine gun was invented in 1884, 97 years after the Constitution was ratified in 1787. Get that. Someone born on the day the Constitution was ratified could have theoretically lived to see firearm technology go from flintlock rifles and pistols to a fully automatic, recoil operated belt fed machine gun, and then die happily, knowing that there would be plenty of dakka in the future. Some of the Founding Fathers themselves likely lived to see the birth of modern repeating firearms. Charles Carroll, the most recently alive founding father, died in November of 1832, recent enough to have seen quite a few early handgun revolvers and some of the better made repeating flintlocks.

[@krishmech8788]

I desperately want a cinematic fight scene done exactly as instructed by this narration.

[@shanejohnson4180]

I can just imagine some guy hearing the glass break downstairs, so he gets up while wearing his Continental Army uniform to do EXACTLY as described.

[@RoflcopterLamo]

I mean this is an old copypasta so it might already exist as a sketch on some unknown small KZbinr

[@seangutierrez1337]

I found an animated version of the video, which is the closest to a fight scene, I guess. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnPJi4qImNusiZY

[@AlexeiBorodin555]

18th century John Wick

[@crimsonstudios680]

I plan on making this now, in live action. Basically will end up like 1700s home alone

[@francis9428]

"Misses him entirely, because it's smooth bore and nails the neighbor's dog." I like how this is more historically accurate than Mel Gibson's "The Patriot" movie...

[@PotatoBoy44]

Jumping out of a Windows to re enact Caesar's death is more accurate than the Patriot at this point

[@wahtx7717]

except the triangular bayonet not being able to be treated

[@avery41441]

Poor dogo

[@videoms1271]

@@wahtx7717 it is hard to stitch when you're the one bleeding to death

[@wahtx7717]

@@videoms1271 pressure bandages

[@lovelandfrog5692]

Ben Franklin would find this absolutely hilarious.

[@lsswappedcessna]

He also found flatulence hilarious. Very in tune with 21st century humor, the man was. He would also probably be the first to learn how computers work, and rejoice at the concept of internet porn.

[@jays6575]

first off way hilarious video - secondly fun fact any gun made before 1898 is not classified as a firearm according to the national Firearms Act, the term “Antique Firearms” means any firearm manufactured in or before 1898 so I'm getting me a .98 caliber English flintlock Wall-Gun or maybe a 1886 Winchester in 50-110 or 12-gauge 1897 trench gun with 17-inch bayonet so many choices

[@scareraven9669]

Model 1892 Winchester Lever-action, chambered in .44-40, life could be a dream

[@lolgamer8232]

1872 Rossberry beach loading rifle As for my secondary I want the 1874 Springfield musket

[@orange3295]

get the gatling guns

[@mrturret01]

An ancestral mystery mosin

[@Mets2015WorldSeries]

Manufactured or designed?

[@OceansideSpiderHouse]

I’m more of a blunderbuss guy myself. “You’re trying to steal all the silverware in my house?” *pours the entire silver-drawer down the gramophone-sized muzzle and primes it* “Here, take it.*

[@terribledeadlinegameplay]

nah bro you should use glass bottles, works way better for me.

[@deebonglord3209]

@@terribledeadlinegameplay children's teeth

[@terribledeadlinegameplay]

@@deebonglord3209 oh i haven’t tried those yet, do they work well?

[@deebonglord3209]

@@terribledeadlinegameplay sehr gut, unverwüstlich

[@thundercreekcustoms]

This comment is underrated

[@Lordderp-io7sq]

Good sir, I do believe you have forgotten about the 122 gun 1st rate Ship of the line stationed offshore!

[@alfredjeffersonii2063]

Ah yes, how foolish of me to forget such a crucial segment of my personal armaments. Thank you kindly for the reminder.

[@brexxxit]

We are ready on the guns await your command. Broadside presented and cannons loaded.

[@mertyuip06]

What about a blunderbuss

[@thesentinel3666]

122 cannons? That is all very nice, but what about 10 356mm guns and 16 133mm secondaries? Because a little thing called the second amendment allows me to own a fully operational battleship in American waters.

[@spikethompson2000]

@@thesentinel3666 what battleship are you using that has a ten gun main armament set up, 2 triple turrets and 2 quad turrets, or 5 double turrets?

[@disguisedkoalas]

What i love about this is the “Set of car alarms” line suggests that this isn’t set in the 1700’s this is a random guy who just owns a bunch of old Victorian weaponry and take the constitution way to seriously.

[@jedibattlemasterkos]

"Takes the constitution as it's written." There, fixed it for you.

[@donovanphillips6278]

When it comes to the “The second amendment was for muskets” “argument” I can’t tell if this is in support, mocking it, or both. That’s why this is truly great.

[@CrocvsGator]

Now I'm imagining a scenario in which there's an 18th century John Wick whose dog is accidentally shot by a smoothbore.

[@pedropedrohan102]

i think i watched a movie similar to that

[@foldervtolvr]

did you forget. THIS IS M O D E R N TIMES

[@Raj-gr6dy]

Thanks for the idea, now if you will allow me, I shall proceed to imagine this exact setting in the shower.

[@kreigguardsman3355]

I can imagine the starting being similar to the movie. John’s being a retired mercenary for the revolutionary army, who left after the war and is distraught by the death of his wife. Instead of a car he has a nice horse and clothes. He meets a Russian kid who wants his stuff and eventually breaks into his house to steal it killing his dog. Instead of a car it’s a bunch of his stuff like a saber, and his horse. They bring it to the master of the stables (or whatever you call that position) who immediately recognizes the equipment and horse. Of course he tells the kid off and punches him. Later the father who instead of being a gangster is a rich merchant or maybe a slave owner, tells the man off only to discover his son stole from John Wick. When he goes to tell the son off he tells him why they call him the Baabayegga the bogey man of the colonies. The one that the British feard, and was given that name by Russian mercenaries. (Or change it to the German word for it.) After getting his gear and finding his target John goes on a rampage at a pub or someone’s manor where he absolutely annihilates everyone

[@oz_jones]

Jonathan Wickman

[@unowno123]

*because triangular wounds are impossible to stitch up* now thats gaming.

[@georgeoldsterd8994]

Now this is podracing!

[@caboose.20]

Also a myth

[@sargentdoggo297]

I believe it is considered a war crime for that reason

[@matizpl9249]

@@sargentdoggo297 it's not a war crime. You can heal triangular bayonet wounds. The reason bayonets were triangular wasn't because wounds can't be stitched up but because they were made not to bend as easily . I belive there are some records of soliders surviving triangular bayonet wounds.

[@sargentdoggo297]

@@matizpl9249 oh I thought I read some where it was a war crime so you couldn’t use them in a wars, I just got a surplus Chinese sks I was doing some research on it and I probably miss read it

[@compatriot852]

Doughnut operator got me to watch this video again.

[@IanNBF]

As an American, & a Texan, this fills me with so much pride! 🇺🇸

[@ZFG1467]

I hope foreigners understand that this definitely how all Americans deal with home intruders.

[@sergeydoronin1579]

Including the rodents?

[@Haverlock]

@@sergeydoronin1579 The rodents are target practice

[@lorenzocassaro3054]

America scares me

[@scythal]

@@Haverlock what if martha keeps cleaning and no rats appear at my home

[@Haverlock]

@@scythal Then you get to shoot at the mailman

[@spider-spectre]

"The 2nd amendment only applies to the tech of the time it was written." Have it your way, I thought it be more humane to not use .50 cal steel balls and cannons.

[@WeaponizedGoochsweat]

That case free speech only applies to the print press and talking

[@Mitchell_WerBell_III]

Alright have it your way liberals. Load the shit covered grape shot rounds!

[@DrywallMuncher_]

Understandable **mounts 24 pounder in the window**

[@MaxC_1]

@@WeaponizedGoochsweat only issue is that's pretty much what's happening. Online free speech isn't really free because it's a game of corpos and their politics

[@WeaponizedGoochsweat]

@@MaxC_1 you HAD to remind me. And here I was having a good day. Then you remind me that reality is disappointing

[@Auriorium]

You know if I brake into someone's home and he calls me a "Ruffian" I am just walking out. There is nothing to be had at that home.

[@johnjr9997]

Crime would be at an all time low if everyone owned cannons

[@justin2308]

Believe it or not, in some states today you could actually do this exact setup in your house- cannon and all. Nobody (except your neighbors, probably) would bat an eye at you rolling a twelve-pounder into your garage or carrying a bunch of muskets in through the front door. They’d be staring at the powdered wig, though. 🤣

[@Johndoe-jd]

What do you mean a cannon? In Texas you can own, operate and shoot (if you know how) an actual tank. Texas law states that it has to be an American tank. The year model does not matter. If you don’t believe me, my neighbor gave me a Sherman as a 18th birthday gift. It still has live shells in it.

[@dageneral7708]

@@Johndoe-jd lucky.

[@tacticalginger9623]

@@Johndoe-jd Would a Sherman Firefly count? Technically based on the M4A4 Sherman, but with the British 17 pounder gun.

[@NoLifeScum]

@Beakew - ah yes the loudmouth country cowboy and the crazy swamp hillbilly I completely agree This is a joke so don’t get too offended I love Texas and Florida and I actually do agree

[@JonatasAdoM]

"These hippies are getting out of control Martha!"

[@elijahfyffe5176]

The foundling fathers were well versed in engineering and were all for private citizens owning full on cannons. In the modern age, George Washington would not only let you own a tank. He’d let you own several. Based founding fathers

[@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98]

and machine guns. especially machine guns.

[@Rand0mPeon]

@@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98 Fun fact: while rare, automatic guns did exist during the founding fathers time, but they were too costly for a government to outfit their army with, so only private citizens owned them. Remember this the next time an anti-2A insist that the founding fathers could never have imagined guns more advanced than muskets and wouldn’t have approved of weapons as dangerous as modern guns in the hands of the people.

[@brock6856]

@Joe Mama ak 76

[@Rand0mPeon]

@Joe Mama Sorry, I meant repeating guns. I don't know why I used the word automatic.

[@JM-mh1pp]

If a citizen could legally own every weapon that military had and the right to own weapons is absolute... legally speaking...can you own a nuclear warhead?

[@seanpaulmccarthy]

You can build your own musket for home defense, great for kids to learn gun smithing, just as the founding fathers intended

[@Lughrochben]

All the times I’ve viewed this and I only just realized he grabbed only his powdered wig and Kentucky rifle at the beginning which implies he just carries his pistol around with him everywhere he goes. Perfect!

[@comradeandrew8222]

The funniest part of this for me is "I draw my pistol on the second man and miss him completely becuse its smooth bore hitting the neighbors dog"

[@damiankaleomontero496]

*on the second man But yes, that part’s pretty funny Then again, the entire sketch is

[@PotatoBoy44]

He says it so casually

[@emetanti]

@@PotatoBoy44 Course he says it so casually, he already had the cannon setup in case it happens. This clearly isnt the first time.

[@aceofspadesattorney]

Don’t forget it’s because it’s a smoothbore!

[@adamburditt3941]

Atf would be proud

[@johngavin3180]

Imagine breaking into a guys house seeing your first buddy get owned on the spot, then seeing the neighbor's dog getting smoked (just as the ATF intended) followed up by the mad man running up the stairs only to shred your other buds via a cannon sized shotgun. Then charging you and impaling you with a triangular bayonet. As the sirens approach and you are about to die of blood loss the final words you hear are... "Just as the Founding Fathers intended."

[@coolguy082]

I’d get out of there the second he called us “ruffians”

[@jonathanwells223]

@@coolguy082 And a lot of other people would too. Burglars are not brave people, that’s by design.

[@existence9994]

@@jonathanwells223 don't care how brave someone is, if someone calls you a ruffian, leave no matter what, there is nothing you could possibly want that is worth the trouble

[@ImmaLittlePip]

They picked the wrong house fool

[@corsaircarl9582]

@@jonathanwells223 Oh they're brave enough to kick in someone's door and waggle guns in their face...

[@IvanBias24]

After the 4th kill you upgrade to a 1903 Springfield with a Bayonet

[@taternater7495]

then to a 1976 M4

[@than0s948]

Virgin AR15 vs Gigachad Brown Bess

[@guywhocomments6884]

I love that we all unanimously agree that any old timey accent (even in America) would be a British one lmao

[@casual_speedrunner1482]

Well, they literally were British back then before declaring independence, so… yeah, it took a while for the accent to die down.

[@olliegoria]

If rumor serves me right, the modern American accent derived from the accents of the British upper-class at the time. After they became independent, the accent fell out of vogue in Britain and people adopted more lower-class accents, leading to the British accents of today.

[@the_katzy]

the American accent was actually the original British one. the modern British accent today came about around the mid 19th century in an attempt to mimic the royal family, who spoke in an accent that was closer to American Southern English than modern British English.

[@BobGeanis]

@@casual_speedrunner1482 there was no accent. British people sounded like us until they decided to start speaking with a lisp long after the revolution

[@casual_speedrunner1482]

@@BobGeanis So… an accent.

[@SallinKari]

Dang, this man is such a good shot, that even when missing with his pistol, he still gets a kill with it.

[@ABadGamble]

He plays with Aim Assist on

[@largeboi4678]

@@ABadGamble he can’t disable it, god is on his side and won’t let him miss

[@gunhead7159]

“I never miss”

[@LTGhostTaskForce141]

In 2023 it would be I own a 50. Cal sniper for home defense

[@GG_Nowa]

Weak and cringe. Nothing beats dabbing on someone after charging them with a bayonet

[@TheUSgoverment]

​@@GG_Nowa then we'll just make a bayonet for the m82 as well

[@vinteb7987]

@@TheUSgoverment and if you're too slow or it's too heavy to charge at them with it, just use its recoil to boost your way at them.

[@moonshineofthemoon7450]

“The Right to Bear Arms”

[@leaderunith4l324]

Fear the man that grabs a powdered wig BEFORE a gun

[@twentysecondcenturywoman]

That’s when you know he means BUSINESS

[@cybershoutmon9741]

The 4 dislikes are the four ruffians he killed

[@brandonparodo803]

They should be ashamed of themselves, disliking a masterpiece.

[@Kevin-sr8yx]

After death, no less

[@lancegideondiokno1774]

Many more ruffians where killed

[@scottski02]

@Jac6308 *Ruffians break in* Colonial man: "Ah shit....here we go again....."

[@spiffygonzales5160]

@Jac6308 Why none of course! After all, he was armed the way the founding fathers intended!

[@thehaloscrolls391]

“I am inside your house” And I am loading the grapeshot, what’s your retort?

[@HAXRLITSXY]

contrary to what the president says, you can in fact own a cannon. that shoots. legally.

[@bootyman20]

Imagine breaking into someone's house and they pull a blunderbuss on your ass. infinitely more terrifying then any modern handgun, despite being infinitely less effective.

[@W4rm0ng3r]

If your opponent purposefully wields a seemingly inferior weapon to your own, run as far and as fast as you can. They are most likely extremely proficient with their item of choice.

[@TransistorBased]

My logic is to confuse/terrify. I just need to SBR my PS90 and get a gasmask. Then yell in Russian as I charge them

[@johnisaacfelipe6357]

It's less effective but it deals gratuitous amounts of damage compared to a modern pistol

[@lmgmaster7526]

It's psychological warfare at that point

[@whathappensinmaine5463]

I think id be shitting myself if some batshit crazy guy calling me a ruffian with a blunderbuss and powdered wig. Id most likely be standing in shock and fear as he blasts half my fuckin body and his wall away

[@monke7156]

The comments are so wholesome I was expecting arguments about gun control but everyone is just chastising the homeowner for not having his puckle gun at the ready

[@Taschip]

Finally, a KZbin comment section not trashing on America for once.

[@haroldgerken4835]

That's in the garden shed

[@lolgamer8232]

I'm waiting for a comment that explains the evolution of musket reloading from loading of the bowl (butchered) to the first breach loading rifle

[@mrlink206]

Because this movie is hilarious, and we are all here for it.

[@georgemurdock7670]

The story itself is a perfect argument for and against gun control so nobody can argue with it.

[@jani6969]

The last guy seeing a man running at him with a bayonet

[@kaczynski5660]

Imagine breaking into a house and the silly billy who owns the home is sitting there waiting for you with a Maxim gun mounted atop his coffee table

[@mr.bluependant1871]

This has the energy of a Monty Python skit, I approve.

[@Voltboy1449]

THIS is so true

[@imperialfist2304]

The fact this doesn’t have more views is a damn crime

[@kmmediafactory]

Absolutly

[@Beregond1861]

Unlike owning a cannon.🤙

[@flexprime2010]

battle brother it doesn't have more views because you forgot to fortify the comment section :(

[@dr4ch3nl4mp3]

BROTHER ONE COULD EVEN SAY ITS NOT AS THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED

[@idontknoq4813]

ah, I remember this from a year ago. glad KZbin rerecommended this to me.

[@rickrolld1367]

Actually, triangular bayonet wounds could be stitched up. The reason they were triangular wasn't because stitching it was impossible, but rather it added tensile strength to the bayonet, which meant it was much less likely to bend or break. The point was that you didn't end up snapping or breaking your bayonet. It also made them look scarier, which was great because bayonets were more of a psychological warfare weapon. You would be much less likely to fight against a horde of men sprinting at you, with long knives pointed at you. So yeah, that last thief is living and coming back with a drone strike ready

[@FelipeJaquez]

That robber better be prepared for an 80 gun broadside from my personal Man O' War. The USS Fuck Around And Find Out

[@safetydogegamer5903]

The bayonet wound however would go right through the man and if it vital organs still kill anyways as the dude bled out before medical aid arrived

[@TherapyTaco]

Ballin But at what cost

[@RockyPixel]

However much a cannon loaded with grapeshot costs.

[@gianttacogod]

This meme is older than that video. Glad tho it made it popular

[@ryanstout8634]

@@RockyPixel I laughed so hard at your comment, multiple cats fled away from my parked car

[@wombat_7275]

Did you know Bing could get better voice quality with smoke signals

[@dagothurik1815]

@@wombat_7275 there’s the badger reference

[@merchant_of_kek5697]

Founding fathers: we have triangular bayonets, cannons, automatic crossbows and Gatling guns. Aquire them incase the government doesn’t allow you to speak at town hall and use them. Me: can I just have a shitty hi point and suppressor so my ears don’t get hurt?

[@PP-ok2xt]

Suppressors could be used to JOHN WICK your enemies. So no >:(

[@CunnyRape]

A Hi-Point? Really?

[@MaxC_1]

@@PP-ok2xt supressors in John wick - *magical void that creates no sound* supressors in real life - "Best I can do is 20dB less and also you still need that earpro else you'll need to go to the doc soon"

[@JM-mh1pp]

Wait...so according to strict definition citizens should have the right to own nuclear weapons as well right?

[@merchant_of_kek5697]

@@JM-mh1pp your point being🤨. If you want to be a political shithead have a point. Everyone else here is having fun and joking.

[@momsaccount4033]

My man has a whole ass cannon set up on the top of his stairs constantly for the specific situation of burglars breaking into his home through the first floor

[@unknownuser8228]

Me own a Blunderbuss for ship defense since that's what me crew intended! 4 scallywags board me vessel, "Shiver me timbers!" as I grabbed me eyepatch and trusty Blunderbuss. Blow the first man's head apart, he's sent to Davy Jones' Locker. Throw me pistol on the second man, misses him entirely but detonates the ammo on their ship. Run below decks to me cannon mounted near the booty. "Yo Ho, Down ye go!" The cannonball eviscerates 2 men and the extra shrapnel alerts other ships. Pull off me Cutlass and charge the last Scallywag onboard. Bleeds out, waiting for me fleet to arrive since Cutlass wounds are impossible to heal. Arrrr, just as me crew intended.

[@johnnymarston7284]

When they say my 1911 is overkill

[@WeaponizedGoochsweat]

The light in the darkness is always overkill. That's a good thing.

[@archdukefranzferdinand2112]

@@WeaponizedGoochsweat we can’t expect god to do all the work

[@WeaponizedGoochsweat]

"O Daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed, happy shall he be that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us." Psalm 137:8

[@johnsugar3241]

Nice Pfp

[@bluecaptainIT]

@@WeaponizedGoochsweat except sometimes the light is muzzle flash

[@IsaiahRichards692]

Gearhead’s American colonist accent: *Is more accurate than The Patriot*

[@Zamntron]

Because Colonial Americans back then definitely had southern accents when they were fighting off the British

[@spicysnowman8886]

@@Zamntron if you think the accent in the video is southern, you need to get your ears checked.

[@Zamntron]

@@spicysnowman8886 I was fucking about you knave

[@spicysnowman8886]

@@Zamntron that's a new insult to me, can you explain it? I'm guessing it's a British thing

[@Zamntron]

@@spicysnowman8886 It's a medieval insult...

[@ThatMailMan]

Donut Operator sent me here! 😂

[@LibertarianPatriot]

It is completely outrageous that I can not own a fleet of warships

[@whoyoy1]

You could if you had enough money and a big lake

[@Circ00mspice]

My favourite part is when the Bri'ish police car somehow showed up outside of an American home.

[@pqbdwmnu]

An American police car wouldn't show up, this man was simply exercising his rights and there's nothing left of the other people

[@TolerablyInterested]

@@pqbdwmnu and the British police would be assessing whether any of the men had made an offensive tweet, or owned an airsoft toy without blue/orange paint.

[@scottski02]

@@TolerablyInterested and searched the house for any illegal steak knives

[@TolerablyInterested]

@@scottski02 we have actually had quite a few people arrested for things like carrying pliers, or having a butter knife in the car. My countries a fucking joke.

[@Blaurot]

@@TolerablyInterested source? Cause this sounds like a "dude just trust me"

[@Lobertherp]

Good show old sport! You sure showed those good for nothing ne’er do wells what a true patriot is capable of when equipped with our god given rights those redcoats never could take from us!

[@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98]

a better word would be "lobsterbacks"

[@Beregond1861]

@@magosauxilliarusy2k4theomn98 "Just as the founding fathers intended."

[@whoami30204]

Americans would be a lot cooler if you still talked like 18th century Englishmen

[@quentinhoward99]

@@whoami30204 Go to a Pride and Prejudice convention, you'll get the same atmosphere.

[@Mhattrix]

Palworld players with a musket defending their base:

[@furbykova7376]

every time I practice the star spangled banner my brother walks in and recites this from memory