Love & Dating Advice with Jonathan Van Ness

[@jvn]

Yes Love School! Did I miss any questions? Leave them in the comments below 👇 I’ll use them for another session of Love School!

[@JENNIFERBOO]

My question- is how to make friends in adulthood period. I have friends come and go a lot in my life…my best friends are tied between my spouse and my cat Clark Kent aka Purrvert because he can get really cuddly and in your face with nudges and purrs 🥰

[@craftjared]

@@JENNIFERBOO I think he answers this in his Life School video

[@mistyguye6812]

What’s the number one thing to look for if someone is trying to hide me or maybe not hiding me altogether but selectively hiding me?

[@msblackmk]

Have you ever had a partner who experienced sexual trauma (physical or emotional or all of the above)? If so, how did it affect your relationship, and what coping skills did you employ?

[@sallyh29]

Hi Jonathan! This video made me LOL so much! My question is how do you get over people who constantly play mind tricks (lovebombing, breadcrumbing, ghosting etc.) on you?

[@emcarveth]

I'm a therapist and I LOVE your responses, especially the validation of that beautiful soul who hasn't dated yet at 27. Thank you for being the sweet, lovely, compassionate human you are! ❤️

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️ thank you for the work you’re doing

[@alisonsmith3054]

Do you like being a therapist?? I’ve been thinking about switching career fields but I’m scared to take the leap!

[@emmatheoblivious]

as a 24 year old who hasn’t dated or been in a relationship, it feels so good to know that there are others my age or older who are in the same boat! :)

[@jvn]

Everyone is on their own path, let me tell you that… watch my video about surviving my 20s!

[@spacechannelg6843]

idk girl im 31 and never had a bf and it makes me sad lol i really want one but havent found anyone even tho i try. but what can u do

[@NaliaDanger]

I was in my mid 30s and had never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a few months. Now I'm 41 and have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we've started talking about moving in together. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right person, but eventually things fall into place.

[@snides712]

I'm also 24 and haven't dated so I loved seeing that question. Tbh sometimes it makes me sad but mostly I'm in a sort of "if it happens, then cool but if not, still cool" mindset. Live your life, have your adventures, chase your dreams, and you'll find your person when the time is right (if that's what you want)💙

[@stephaniec.4384]

Girl I dated for the first time when I was 29. Met my boyfriend then and we’ve been together for 2 years now. We’re engaged. Don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with you. Enjoy your life.

[@theresasestina601]

Jonathan, I laughed. 🤣I cried. 😭I questioned my vulnerability 🤔 you nailed every question, Queen! Thank you for saving me $100 for a half hour of therapy. You nailed it in 11 minutes😘

[@jvn]

I’ll be sending you your bill for this 👀 😂

[@playtheukulele4flores200]

Question 1 : invest your time in doing things that you are truly passionate about, and that are social , chances are you may meet someone doing those things and know that you already something great in common ! ❤️🥰😘

[@jvn]

Yes, and this!

[@ode4126]

Okay as a lesbian, to that girl asking how to get over a crush with your straight friend: I FEEL YOU, I think it happens so often because straight women are so comfortable being emotionally and physically close with other women and it becomes hard to differentiate between platonic and romantic love... In my experience I would analyze it, like: are you actually into them or do you just love the idealized idea of who you could be as a couple? Do you actually love them or are you just craving connection and your brain got confused between friendship and romance? Also maybe go talk to queer women on a dating app to remind yourself they exist and will give you way more satisfaction than hopeless crushes on straight girls (Also personally I would steer clear of all "lesbian-in-love-with-bestie" art and content for a while cause they only feed your predicament and kinda romanticize the suffering)

[@hanaeyoshida5163]

oooooooooh thank you

[@kelleyburke]

To that lovely question about still being single at 27: I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 27 too, and I've never even been kissed, I was never asked to school dances, and as far as I know, I've never even been crushed on. Usually I'm happy to be single, but sometimes I do feel very lonely. Just know that it's not a reflection on you or your worth, and that you are so beautiful and wonderful and loveable, and the right person just hasn't come along yet. (I know, I'm tired of hearing that too, but I really also believe it.) This was a great video, JVN!! P.S. I hope you had the most amazing birthday!!! xoxoxox

[@jvn]

Yes to this comment! Not a reflection of you or your worth! You are worthy because you are a human being who is the only you with your unique and special talents existing on this planet.

[@spinwitch2343]

i think there are three big reasons why women our age are struggling to find romance: 1) dating apps like tinder are designed for cruising, not serious relationships. even finding love on instagram is based on image, so if you're not someone who posts your face regularly you won't find love on there; 2) a lot of men are simply bad boyfriend material and women aren't legally or financially beholden to them, unlike previous generations of women. 3) work eats up so much of our time that it's hard to go out and participate in communities to meet new people. we're living through a time of hyper-individualism and social isolation, so that makes it really hard to form meaningful social bonds. that being said, i met my lovely wife through playing an MMORPG lol. It gave us a common interest, a community, and it was easy to participate in since it's online. it's not unusual to find love playing those games, esp if you're wanting to meet new people

[@jakejones5332]

"A lot of times I think I have feelings for someone, but then once we hook up I'm like oh, ew. ..So maybe you don't have feelings for him." LMAO love it

[@jvn]

👀

[@elizawright6323]

Self love is not just working on your flaws and shortcomings, but it is also learning to accept those flaws and love them just as much as your strengths

[@jvn]

Yes!!! This!!

[@amberrider7275]

My husband and I must be unicorns because we started dating when we were 19, moved in together after 1 month of dating, married on our 2 year anniversary. Now we have two kids and have been together for 13 years and married for 11! Lol 🥰

[@jvn]

I’m obsessed with this story! And this is why I say don’t always trust my advice…

[@EnglishAbsorbed]

I get a rush of oxytocin when I see a new video from JVN

[@jvn]

👀

[@merkinidgit]

I agree. And in JVN’s followers (eww. Sounds cultish…) there are so many reminders that there are far more compassionate helpers in this world than abusive takers. It’s nice to find platforms to celebrate one another as we create the change we want to see in the world.

[@mistyguye6812]

I dated the greatest guy I’ve known for six years, but I, finally, decided to admit I was a lesbian. So, now, I’m in a whole new world. I’m in a world that seems so much harder than the straight world. I laugh because my boyfriend used to say how confusing women are. He was SOOO right! 🤣

[@jvn]

Love it!

[@traceystanphill725]

My husband and I got together at 16 and we're still together 38 years later.

[@Yavannasavitri]

Best place to find love is at places you love! Into reading? Go to book clubs! Into gaming? Scour your raid party! Into soccer? Join a local team! You're much more likely to find someone like-minded who will enjoy the same hobbies and passions you enjoy. Moreover: you are the most attractive you when you are having fun and being passionate about something! :)

[@jvn]

Love it!

[@katc6128]

The peach story had me ROLLING 🤣😭 JVN you are such a gift to this world, thank you!!! ❤️

[@jvn]

😆

[@DocNando]

Here celebrating your 'open shoulder'. Thanks for always providing a few good laughs, and some sensible logic. Hug.

[@PenelopeSnowe]

This advice is spot on! Don’t move in with anyone at 19!

[@teelakovacs208]

Yes, aww it feels so right but gift yourself freedom to do the things you love to do. I lived it, 19 whirlwind with a 23 yr old what could go wrong? So of course it was a musician, we loved music but I couldn't even get in to many of the clubs still being under. Fell into someone else's world little too much little too quickly. The move just underscored everything. So hard but the more you go out doing other things you may save yourself some heartache. Why settle at 19, the world is yours ❤

[@kims7554]

Love the “fearless communication” advice, love the blue of that open shoulder sweater, and I always love your energy 😊💕

[@mar1na1993]

That last advice is so important for me to hear from you. I am feeling embarrassed and ashamed for speaking my truth and realizing that the other person didn’t feel the same way or was unable to access the feelings in the same way. But I know it is not shameful to love and care for someone, even if they can’t love you back. Yes, it means I need to take time for myself and work on loving myself again instead of focusing on someone else, but it is not shameful! It is beautiful to spread love in this world when it is so hard for people to feel connected and seen. But it’s hard to accept this about myself.

[@jvn]

No shame should be felt at all! You led with love!

[@ralphiesmommy]

I for sure did it wrong when i let someone move in too fast but was 20 instead of 19. Was a long term abusive relationship but definitely listening to your instincts and learning from past experiences can help. I adore you to bits, JVN, and when you asked in “Over the Top” if we would still love you 💗I can say i only loved you more after reading it! 🥰

[@jvn]

But we learn from every mistake and then we become better! 🙏

[@ralphiesmommy]

@@jvn sooo true! ♥️

[@merkinidgit]

My husband and I are/were both jealous and possessive ( ♉️ & ♉️ ). We just acknowledged that it was a thing in both of us, and that it was completely about personal insecurity vs actual trust of the other, and that we could and would discuss these feelings when they came up knowing that, as a symptom of insecurity of some sort, it would be met with a deep dive discussion over how we both could help one another feel less insecure in the relationship. It wasn’t perfect and we both had “flare-ups” from time to time, but it also gave us the occasional opportunity to grow closer and open more vulnerability to one another, which was incredible. Amazing. We both could recognize that it was a weird “love language” in that we deeply did not want to lose one another. I admire people who don’t feel possessive towards their partners, and I see it as more “evolved” than feeling possessive, but we neither my husband nor I could manage to pull that off. Instead, we could interpret one another’s possessiveness (never abuse or manipulation) as a valuing of one another in the context of insecurity. It worked very well for us. We were true soul mates in every sense.

[@erinmullen2397]

"Make like Taylor Swift and be fearless." This is my new motto. Loved the video, can't wait to see more from this series. I'm in a new relationship so this is so helpful!

[@LLaP5898]

More of this, plz! You’re so wise, kind, and funny that you instantly make my day brighter. 💖

[@jvn]

Glad I could help! Now I’ll send you a bill for this sage advice!

[@shellyenglish]

You are such a sweet brother/BFF that we all need in our lives. Also, your scrunchie is everything. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💋

[@jvn]

Love a scrunchie!

[@shellyenglish]

@@jvn You are a national treasure and should be protected at ALL costs. Hehe ❤️❤️❤️ Scrunchies 4evr!

[@jenleigh342]

Honey that SWEATER IS EVERYTHING...the COMBO of the I Dream of Jeannie hair is DELICIOUS. The best way to meet a QUALITY GUY is to VOLUNTEER.

[@jvn]

Oooooooh 👀

[@IamSquirrel]

I LOVE the last episode of Queer Eye in Japan. THE TEARS were streaming down my face because that was incredibly touching and the motivational advice each of the Fab 5 gave. The advice is priceless. That season hit home for me. When I was in high school I became best friends with an exchange student from Japan. Her name is Akiko. She is a brilliant artist. We planned for me to go live with her in Tokyo for 1 year but it was demolished due to her family arranging her marriage. She wasn’t into it. My rose colored glasses forever broken. The reality that people may live with in Japan can be harsh. Thank you a million times over for that season. Plus I store my tomatoes properly now thanks to Anthony. Forever a fan (and my cat children too). 🤟❤️🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Sweetzerlandia]

I wish these were 30 mins long. They really are so much fun. As a compromise I'd settle for bloopers so you didn't have to do too much more work ♥

[@yellowskittle73]

JVN seems like the coworker that chimes in when I talk about relationship problems and then I'm immediately like "omg what a guru I will listen and take notes" 🤣

[@bell9930]

I love starting my morning with JVN! It’s healthy for me 💕

[@jvn]

I’m like a wheat grass shot!

[@bell9930]

You sure are! And happy birthday to you btw we have the same gorgeous birthday! 💕

[@TheWorldHasGoneCrazy]

I started dating my husband at 14, I just turned 40 and we are still going strong. 💖 Sometimes it is your person! 🥰 Love your videos and vibe so much!

[@PenelopeSnowe]

YES NEW RULES! That was so my mantra when I went through my last breakup! Works like a charm. Came out at the perfect time, honestly. Thank you, Dula Peep!

[@jvn]

Dula Peep 😂

[@giantschick21]

Move in with your SO. You learn so much about them, yourself, and your relationship. ❤️

[@jvn]

❤️

[@mikeglendinningandtheguita7282]

My kid came out. You are an awesome role-model to my child. Thank you.

[@jvn]

Love these comments so much. Thank you. ❤️

[@stephaniebrock4976]

Love your honesty - you just say the things as they should be - no sugar coating 😊 especially the part around self love is so important ♥️

[@jvn]

Sometimes we just have to! 😆

[@jenny2282]

We need more JVN's in the world! I love how he is himself and dresses so fun! 😍

[@aaliyahleveau7205]

Hi!! 27 y.o. who hasn't dated (in the questions), Honey, I have a bff who is 31 and a virgin and I think that is so beautiful!!!! Why compromise for happiness, being alone doesn't equal loneliness. "We compare and we get all sad bc we're comparing, that's the tea tho" -JVN

[@jvn]

Yes!!

[@yianko2090]

After this video I feel like I should go to rehab to get life lesseons. Sth I wanna share abt moving in with your partner: A few years ago, my flatmate and I wanted to move place and she told her grandma bc she thinks maybe one of her grandma’s flats would be empty for us, her grandma asked her “Are you moving in with Xyz(her ex’s name)?” Although til that point they have been on and off for around 6-7 years, my flatmate was like”🙄 no way” her grandma was so relieved and say “Good to know you’re not that stupid” When this happened my flatmate was only 22, so 1. my flatmate is very mature about it and 2. I totally agree to not move in with your partner when you are THAT young, moving and searching for a new flat after a breakup is fucking stressful. (Speaking from experience sis)

[@keerthimadhavan1815]

Heyy JVN !! You're literally one of the best human being on this planet!! Your body positivity gives me ssooo much confidence and lovee. Over the top is just soo youu!! Love you always queen keep slayingg!!❤️

[@jvn]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@nic0leslaw44]

My partner and I got together at 19....and we are still together! I know it's rare, we got very lucky. Been 20 years now!

[@jvn]

I love this story! See, this is why I say don’t take all of my advice!

[@bethany19XX]

I just adore you so much. You're energy is so amazing and I can't tell you enough what a light you are in my life. I watch queer eye when I feel anxious or sad and you guys lift my spirits so much. I wish we were friends! Love you so much 😘💕

[@jvn]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️ comments like these mean so much to me.

[@bethany19XX]

@@jvn ♥️♥️♥️

[@bethany19XX]

I should say, I watch the show regardless of my mood. I re watch when I need a little boost in life. 😊😘

[@lailarocha]

Thank you for existing!!

[@aartim6902]

Loved this episode! Thanks for sharing all the sage advice :) Your peach dream story killed me 😅

[@jvn]

😭😂😂

[@taras6578]

Loved your answer to question 9. Me and my husband have been together for 15 years, married for 13, thanks for the tip on long term love.

[@jvn]

!!!! I got you!!

[@grumpeechat]

Thank you Johnathan for all of your videos. You are the ray of sun that brightens every day. Much love from Canada ❤

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️

[@sierrahunterlewis7677]

You've no IDEA how PRECIOUS YOU ARE💝💝💝

[@jvn]

Well now this is a kind comment!

[@angelabrothers]

The single cold shoulder turtleneck top needs to be in everybody's life. Especially with a perfect high ponytail like that 🤘💙

[@jvn]

I agree 1,000% with this comment.

[@oneluvlynyer]

We need MORE of these!

[@Kokiri116]

You are a gift from Queen Mother Nature, Jonathan ♥️

[@cheyenned7103]

Please make more of these, life school & am I the asshole! Your videos always make me smile. Right now I’m on my lunch break, having the worst day in Quincy,IL, and I’m in my car watching your old videos and just vibing 😂

[@inavanderleden9517]

Do you have tips to be confident without showing too much off? I’m not the most confident person and i love how hilarious and confident and loving you are❤️❤️❤️❤️ sending love from the Netherlands!!!

[@jvn]

Love every part about yourself and lean into that! Work on self! Confidence without ego will come as a result of loving every part of you.

[@inavanderleden9517]

@@jvn thank you so much for answering mine question🥺❤️ you literally made my day!!!

[@alexakearney]

Good morning. Perfect way to start my day ❤️

[@jvn]

Yes!!

[@ode4126]

This segment is awesome!💕For a question, do you think you need to have a stable mental health before you seek out a relationship? Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough energy to put into a relationship, but then again if I just wait to be completely "better" I'm going to stay single my whole life

[@jvn]

I think when the timing is right you will know, but always prioritize yourself first!

[@angelinaduncan7794]

We NEED a pt 2!!!!❤❤❤

[@jvn]

I think we do, too. This was fun!

[@cs3105]

Part two please, you are a fountain JVN x

[@Sutoroberirokku2000]

Happy Birthday Yesterday!!! 🥳💞🎉

[@jvn]

Thank you, Jann!!

[@rileyam86]

I moved in my with my college sweetheart at 19 we have been together 18 years, married 10 and have 3 kids and he is my person. We are rare though

[@jvn]

Like I always say, don’t trust ALL of my advice…

[@gracebanyan1160]

YAAAASSSS I’m so excited and I just started watching. I needed this elder sibling type advice.

[@jvn]

Feel free to reuse all of it!!

[@kl6902]

Your smile makes my entire world JVN ❤ Thank you for just being 🎉🌈

[@bernicevanwinkle1769]

I cant wait to get your new book in the mail!!!!!!!! I bought an EXTRA copy for my son's girlfriend, because she is AMAZING!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!

[@jvn]

I can’t wait for you to read!!! And for your sons girlfriend!!

[@bernicevanwinkle1769]

@@jvn Awwwww.... Thank you, Love!!!!!!!! We're both super excited!!!!!!!!!!

[@RTS5010]

Best advice ever. Love this for me. Love this for everyone.

[@jvn]

Now go on and use it, love expert!

[@dixiehighsmith9743]

I love you! You’re beautiful, funny, honest. I’ve enjoyed everything you’ve done, especially the “Curiosity” series.

[@h3rbst_schm3rz14]

I struggle feeling vulnerable in any relationship - that shit is scary af!

[@jvn]

Right?! Takes time and work and practice!

[@h3rbst_schm3rz14]

@@jvn totally! it's a whole journey!

[@yianko2090]

I wish one day I can see your advice on how to pull yourself out from a very dark place. I remember I saw your life story and was very impressed how you turned out to be so powerful and full of love. I am not much younger than you but when I see you I feel like I want to be like you one day, just like a kid looking at her hero🤣

[@kineokami]

Celebrating that open shoulder ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@jvn]

That makes two of us!

[@kineokami]

@@jvn omg you are such a light in the pool of dark emptiness. There are other bright lights but you shine so bright as a beacon for me. Thank you for the response. I truly love your kindness and empathy.

[@Authorthings]

Husband and I got together at 19 lol. But we didn't get married until we were 26. We never lived together either. I think had we done it sooner, things would have been harder. You're still figuring yourself out at 19-25. Sometimes through your 30s too. So many people told me we'd never get married, but here we are 4 years later this month.

[@artbylain9316]

Johnathan you came at the exact right time

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️

[@aleha5141]

I LOVE YOU JVN, CANT WAIT FOR THE BOOOKK!! 💕💓💗💖💕🌷

[@jvn]

Can’t wait for you to read!!

[@chooseyourthoughts7692]

Why do I get so excited when I see a video from you?! Love!!🥰

[@jvn]

I don’t know… why?!

[@sheenar4928]

You are such a lovely bright light. I enjoy you so much.

[@erisiabatto]

That top is everything 💙 celebrating that open shoulder for sure 💙 also wonderful advice xx tk

[@jvn]

Did I pass as a fake professor of love?

[@orth82]

*gasps* ... JVN is as outraged as I am about how few guys wash their hands after going to the bathroom. I feel so validated :)

[@cs3105]

JVN you speak the truth and you are fearless. Total love to you. Thank you for this

[@katherineraina7344]

I love you so much Jonathan, thank you!!!😻❤️😻

[@jvn]

🥰🥰🥰🥹

[@mariaturner371]

We soooo need a live stream Q&A from you. Great advice.

[@jvn]

There may be a live stream coming……. Hint hint

[@hanaeyoshida5163]

Thank you Jonathan for making this because you already KNOW i need some help

[@jvn]

!!!

[@elledub6801]

I freakin love you and you bring so much joy into my day.

[@jvn]

Aweeeeeee and you bring joy in my day ❤️

[@traviswoods1868]

I could watch hours of jvn advice 😊

[@jvn]

Well then I hope you’re subscribed!! More is coming….

[@marnismith7459]

Thank you for your love and honesty. xo

[@Kmichelangelo]

Been with my SO since I was 17!

[@jvn]

Yes!!!

[@jvn]

Take my advice with a grain of salt!

[@tammyne]

Good morning 🌞 seeing you first thing in the morning makes my day 🌸🌸

[@jvn]

This is your day!

[@lmgutier]

HYSTERICAL!!!

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️

[@lmgutier]

@@jvn 😃😃😘

[@jasondominicpereira1545]

JVN !! I can’t stress enough how much I’m obsessed with you 😭. I can’t stop laughing, the advice you gave omg hilarious 😂😂😂 love you xoxo 😚

[@jvn]

Well I hope you picked up a few good nuggets to take into life!

[@caseymanuel7199]

Crabs from the towels ?? Lmao oh JVN I’m A nurse home with Covid and you are making it bearable. Love you!!! 🤗

[@msblackmk]

The sweater is life!

[@jvn]

It is!!

[@marisreyes5353]

That "You do you" is from the second episode about hair!

[@orensavill]

as a pubesent teen. i really need this. also loving the open shoulder johnathan ! x

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️

[@armajitpocahontas8207]

Jonathan you are such a beautiful soul and you’re 5 friends are amazing . Your given me Reason for smile . I love you very much Blessings 🤍

[@SiennaNotMiller]

A comma in the number!!! I love you

[@jvn]

I, uh, oop…

[@kimcolluro9816]

Great advice (especially to the 19 year old) and you looked gorgeous in that color blue!

[@GarynPhillips23]

This is my favourite video on the internet! 😂😂😂😂

[@jvn]

Shout it to the rooftops!!

[@biankabalint4567]

Needed this today soooo much.

[@kristina_mko]

Living for this snatched scrunchie ponytail, you've inspired me to wear this to work tomorrow! xoxo

[@craftjared]

So glad I waited til the end of this video. The ending so good 😂

[@jvn]

Don’t you leave too soon 👀

[@myrsi]

Your energy always brightens up my day 😊 sending you love from Greece 💖

[@jvn]

And love right back to you!

[@Kokiri116]

You are a gift from Queen Mother Nature, Jonathan ♥️ love you

[@jvn]

❤️

[@nicolettabirch6177]

THANK YOU for being you, JVN. I have a question and am not sure best place to ask it, but it's about self-love! I went to the salon yesterday. I have autoimmunity and my gray hairs have increased a thousandfold. I went into salon, hoping it would be a nice moment of self-care, and had a VERY strong reaction to the chemicals in the hair dye, causing a massive flare-up. I LOVE playing with hair color and am devastated to think that I may not be able to dye my hair again... any tips/advice for more natural, health-friendly ways to dye hair? Especially when going lighter?

[@jamiefordx]

The truthfulness for me

[@DAPortalatin]

This was so great!!!! Love JVN!!!!😀💞

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️

[@corinnasanchez5821]

You're fabulous, thank you!!💜💜

[@jvn]

❤️❤️❤️

[@gregorille]

Best 13 min of my life

[@JENNIFERBOO]

PS I’m jealous of your peek a boo shoulder sweater- it looks comfy and soft 😊

[@jvn]

You need one!!