What are Self-Harm Behaviors?

[@iris.esteves]

I like that she says we (...) insted of saying they (...)

[@huddlespith]

completely

[@RiotAncient]

+Iris Esteves Same, it really helps. It's strange that more professionals don't do the same, since it makes so much sense.

[@starkillermatt91]

+Iris Esteves professionalism

[@crystalreiser8153]

Iris Esteves also it's setting boundaries too

[@amberrose1249]

Iris Esteves my friend does this whenever I talk about my problems. She is always like "what are we going to do about this" instead of "what are you gonna do about this" it always makes me feel less alone it's such an amazing thing I've tried picking it up myself to use for other people Bc it makes all the difference

[@leahmarie7900]

I haven't self harmed in 7 months ☺️

[@jungkooksbarbiedreamhouse5984]

leah marie good 💛💛

[@saraplazinic2487]

Congratulation! Keep fighting!

[@ashtonmarie6336]

leah marie congrats!🎉

[@meghantucker452]

leah marie you go! Keep going your awesome!

[@feazable22]

I hope that you've kept up your perseverance! If you have, good for you!!!!

[@BallinBunBun]

I self harm because it's the only way I can release the hatred I have for myself.

[@thereader7510]

Joy Rose

[@Anayaah421]

Joy Rose same

[@NancyGonzalez-vv9mh]

Joy Rose I understand you because I self harm myself

[@theeggomovie1972]

I’ve never heard of anyone else who does it the same reason I do so I’m glad I’m not alone in that

[@dekobro2368]

Joy Rose yea same

[@shanleyphillips1111]

I like the way you say “we” and “our” and that you don’t describe it as a sinful thing

[@sanny8716]

Also self-harming as a punishment is a thing. Although I pretty much don't do it anymore because I realized that it doesn't actually help achieving things. I do do the anger thing. "Experiencing anger inward" made a lot of sense to me. I don't do anything serious though, usually just punching. The most extreme thing I've done was scratching, but it was just once, and I was in a really dark place in my life at the time

[@IamMissPronounced]

I absolutely used to self harm as a form of self-punishment. Because I have PTSD I have to actively work to remind myself that I'm not to blame for everything, otherwise I feel the urge to turn that anger inward, like Kati said.

[@llbabyk1234]

Sanny we all deserve happiness. & saying you "didn't do anything that serious" downplays your trauma. We all deserve to have our traumas taken seriously. Something happened to make us feel like that. I've been there, head slamming, scratching with sharp scissors ..never went far enough to cause real harm but I still needed someone to take me seriously. I hope life is better for you now.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I self-harm out of shame

[@niaig1456]

サニャSanny wow you’re really strong 🥺❤️💞☺️

[@dancingpencil2]

I also see cutting as a self punishment tool

[@skramzsexual1048]

I thought you made a very good and non-judgmental point on the "doing it for attention" idea

[@MagicalHannah12]

I harm because I hate myself and as a punishment, the pain is the goal because I feel like I deserve it for being like I am

[@sarahnorton3748]

I hope you keep working on talking back to that self harm "voice"...I have similar thoughts, so know you are not fighting alone! I know you don't deserve to be hurt, and I hope you can find ways to nurture and be gentle with yourself (it can be very hard at first!) ...hang in there, you can beat it- don't let the jerk self harm voice win!

[@aztocaligal5957]

MagicalHannah12 I can relate. Thanks for this!

[@sarahbethluckey2700]

this is also the reason that i harm, thank you for sharing so i know i’m not alone

[@carleflores9065]

:c

[@harrietfletcher-hall7651]

i relate to this. nice to know we are not alone.

[@wrightlaura10]

I know for me it was I would rather feel the physical pain rather than emotional

[@SmashtheCmachine]

+laura wright OH YEAH. Same reason for me. It's almost like a trance, a sense of nirvana, as the physical drowns out the emotional.

[@sagelatte]

That was the only reason I ever cut myself

[@renearamsey4406]

Yeah me too. Because the physical pain ended while my emotional pain wouldn't go away.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

I remember being a little surprised when I accidentally cut my self. I thought why do I feel so much better.

[@TheFebruaryDragon]

I agree with this. I haven't self harmed in about 3 or so years, but I do remember that I used to do it because I had no one to talk to or be there for me and felt incredibly alone. I felt so much pain inside and used self harming to in a way so that the physical pain cancelled out the internal pain I got from emotional abuse.

[@chloeamelia1789]

I started self harming by punching my legs when I was angry, I always lived with big purple bruises on my legs but only a few people noticed, they thought I was clumsy. I wanted someone to care about me and help me because my brother had attempted suicide and been diagnosed with BPD and he had so much support and I had no one. I started digging my nails into my skin but it would only leave a mark for a day, I had noticed a few of my friends had started to cut and thought maybe that would be a better idea. Soon I started cutting my legs every night and I would have scars on my legs all the time. People started to talk about me but nobody seemed to reach out. I realized this didn’t help anyone to notice I was suffering so now I cut for my own reasons, I cut because I deserve pain.

[@salsabvute5185]

Hey I don’t know where you are in your life right now but I hope your doing well. I realized you didn’t have any replies so Ill be the one to uplift you! No one deserves what you have gone through and I’m sorry that no one has payed attention to you. I can relate from personal experience. IT SUCKS!! I can’t say it’s gonna get better because I don’t know you and your life, but I hope you hang in there. No one deserves to feel unimportant or like they deserve what the get. I hope you learn to love yourself and realize that when you have your own back. Nothing anyone can say or do can hurt you❤️

[@durpyrainbowp8405]

Sal Sabvute even though it doesn’t mean as much since I’m not Chloe, thank you for writing this. I hope they see it soon and take what you shared to heart.

[@salsabvute5185]

DurpyRainbow :P It means just as much. Your welcome💖

[@Elite_Sturmgewehr]

Sometimes I grab something sharp and cut my skin

[@SmashtheCmachine]

I never could cut. But I have snapped my leg with chains, I have violently beat my own head with solid plastic objects, the butt of my hand, and even smashed a glass jar over it (and yeah, got cut by doing it), and started blistering... heating up metal and plastering it against my skin, and lately started putting cigarettes out on my own face.

[@kendrickdinger]

Two weeks clean today, it’s been incredibly hard but I’m proud of myself😊

[@kyshiajacob8470]

Are you still clean ?

[@jacksonm..008]

I'm 7 minutes clean🤧

[@evanstomlinson6167]

Amazing! You are hope and love 💜

[@narchleor9862]

Kendrick IM SUPER PROUD!!!

[@narchleor9862]

Jackson Morris you can do it!

[@renearamsey4406]

Whenever I self harmed, it was to release the emotional anger/pain. When I was really upset, it would feel like my throat was closing and I couldn't cry, and when I self harmed, it relieved to closed throat feeling and anger.

[@shyviolet7520]

That's exactly how I feel when I self harm

[@Lav3nd3rForest]

me too, especially when I have a bad day

[@ashp5793]

Renea Ramsey same

[@skeletonsinscarves3965]

i was the same way, i couldn't see the scars years afterwards but these days i see them more clearly. i remember also doing it to dissociate

[@al.kenzie]

Renea Ramsey exactly!

[@HeyHeyitsSami]

when you talked about being numb and that being the reason...hit me so hard...

[@MarkTheMedium]

Hi, I am a middle aged guy who had a lot of physical and mental abuse when I was younger. I self harm as a way of coping when things get to stressful I tend to cut my body in various places. I'm just pointing this out, because most people tend to think It's a teenager thing! But Whoever you are, when reading this! Please be safe!

[@rayac578]

Mark hello! :) I see that this was written about a year ago. I was just wondering how you are doing :)). I hope you worked through it and if you still havent, I know that you can fight through! !

[@WindyKelleykpop]

Mark I understand you

[@interlude4700]

I hope you're doing well

[@lexy5316]

Mark, I hope you're doing well.

[@dr.mywifefuckingdivorcedme]

I hope you're doing okay, Mark!

[@stormaurora5536]

I cut because the pain in my head makes me feel like it will explode and cutting relieves that pressure. I also do it to stop myself from committing suicide.

[@thatlibrarysmell720]

Storm Aurora Same. Please don’t commit suicide. You seem honorable and you have good taste in profile pics. Also that would be one less person I could relate to.

[@videocadet]

I’m sorry to see that nobody else has commented here. Know that you are unconditionally loved by all of those who believe in you. Not just the people close to you, but even strangers you have never met. *sending unconditional love* FIGHT ON! 😁

[@bearloafing]

I used to do the same thing, it used to be a way of handling my emotions I was thought I shouldn't have. Dissociation, as kati mentioned. I used to cut so I can have something to focus on, the pain was kind of a focl point, something I could concentrate on when I felt emotions I fought were 'illegall' to have and I didn't know how to handle. Later on, as cutting is really not socially acceptable, I moved on to alcohol and drugs, as they kinda served the same purpose. A decade after my last cut, I'm still struggling with the same problem, but now I'm finally aware of what the coping mechanism was used for, and that helps a lot- understanding the process behind the behaviour. It's a difficult and slow process, but it's a start.

[@evanstomlinson6167]

You are loved sweetheart. Please remain safe. And reach out. I'm sure videos like this may really help. 💜🙂

[@AaronEllisOfficial]

Me too. If I dont "let it out" of my body by cutting, i eventually end up having an anxiety attack

[@jay__8985]

I like doing it because then I can look at the scars later. They give me confirmation that whatever I felt was real because if it wasn't I wouldn't have made this scar. It's like whenever I feel guilty I self harm so that I can get the confirmation that that feeling was real and I wasn't just making it up.

[@cleitonlin2488]

I hit myself up with a belt everyday before studying and doing my physical practice it helps me want to do my activities

[@ruthgenesis1203]

same here

[@phebebruce2668]

That is so real

[@vanshpuri8921]

I just now started self harming, and I think mine is self harming. Its like my mind is at a war, "stop seeking attention" and the other part "no you need help, come on, somebody listen" I'm so tired, one part trying so hard to fight and be positive, the other part ending up tearing me apart.

[@karaharrison4334]

💞I understand...

[@vanshpuri8921]

thankyou

[@Existingalive]

same, I used to self harm and now I do again

[@sarahmccarty1372]

AHHH SOMEBODY PUT IT INTO WORDS🙌🏽

[@BlackCampariBlue]

It was similar for me, I hope you do feel better now and received the love you need

[@hypnos4350]

Sometimes when I self harm it is because I had a very stressful day, because I'm dealing with anxiety and sometimes to cope with anger. BUT normally i just to do it because I feel the need to do it, like something in my head triggers and I have to do it. The whole point of self harming is the blood and the scars, It's never about the pain, I mean the blood brings me a lot of relief and it amaze me, the more blood the better I feel, and it is the same for the scars because I see the scars as trophies, I find it beautiful (It's really hard for me to explain it, to transmit the whole idea) If there's anyone who can relate to this we should maybe talk.

[@bunnyringeisen2579]

that's how I feel too. thank you for trying to explain it in words

[@im-at-home]

Andy Carreau same, for me the blood is the reason

[@carlyyanne8]

Andy Carreau I totally relate to what you're saying. ! It was always the blood that I wanted and I wouldn't stop until I cut my self deep enough for the blood to flow out. And I was never happy until I felt I drew enough blood, but looking back the funny thing is I started out harming and didn't even draw blood half the time and towards the end I was only satisfied if cut deep enough to where I may have needed stitches... interesting how that developed

[@that1person695]

Andy Carreau a part of me felt that way too. It always felt wrong knowing why I was doing it.

[@shookyology8681]

I can relate to this in the same

[@selenajane4601]

Physical pain takes away the emotional pain that feels worse then the physical pain. It takes your mind off the emotional pain, like a release.

[@futureamnesia9672]

Kati's eyes shows how deeply she cares about people

[@esterbengoa6077]

So true. She makes me feel loved and cared for, maybe because she's not judging me.

[@amsumathyanilkumar7389]

Yes

[@wateva145]

When I'm angry at myself I self harm...and its oddly satisfying.. I feel like part of my anger just go away... and when I try to control not to harm myself, I feel like those anger won't go away... its frustrating..

[@sunnishae5047]

Same whenever I get frustrated or just angry I just start punching myself in the head to cope whenever my feelings get overwhelming even over stupid stuff and I've been like this for a long time.

[@samaraberry3394]

Its because physical pain is just so much easier to focus on than mental pain

[@recoveringlibertarian5982]

I thought I was alone, with the head beating

[@JayaLakshmi-tm5vn]

Same here

[@camryn5787]

I will just dig my nails into my skin until I like almost bleed when people make me upset

[@crabby4808]

I do that but rub my nails into my skin until I see blood. Thing is I don't stop afterwards.

[@elizaracle5045]

Same

[@christienbbrooks7334]

I do the same thing!! My hands are all tore up and when something going on or I'm worried or anxious, it gets really bad. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that does this. Thanks

[@izzyg.1933]

me too

[@leoc9102]

Me too

[@foyiuh10]

I used to self harm for attention like that. I just wanted someone to know how badly I was hurting but I couldn't put it into words. I still do it sometimes, but differently because it developed from that into me doing it to relieve my frantic feelings when panicking

[@ayladelphine3794]

BabyBeetroot same here. i dont like how people say its attention seeking. because even when it is. its because where hurting so bad that we wont someone to see and to tell us its ok.

[@sophiebates1971]

BabyBeetroot me too! I want someone to tell and do something about how I am feeling but I don't want to have to say I need help because I feel people might think I am just overreacting

[@infinitejellyfish1591]

BabyBeetroot same here!!

[@lavyumor]

THIS.

[@brandonscholfield7198]

This is relatable. I’ve found no one has ever spoken to me about it however. I’ll put cuts on my arms and bites on my hands but no one seems to care, so nowadays it is only for relief, but there is no substitute I’ve found

[@MirandasAngel]

A self harmer, cutter, burner, for 40 years. I just finished a full year, no SH. Of course unless you are a cutter, it's hard to understand why we do it. But your video here has shed a lot of light and I hope a lot of clinicians work harder on learning to understand how to help the self harmer.

[@sarahnorton3748]

WOW, WAY TO GO!!! That is a very impressive feat- I hope you are very proud of you, and I am excited for you to be taking care of yourself, and you are inspiring me to keep fighting for myself! Well done :)

[@MirandasAngel]

Thanks, I do feel a sense of achievement. I'm glad to be inspiring you. Keep taking care of you. Thanks again, Always here if you need to chat.

[@MirandasAngel]

Thanks

[@sad-fv5jo]

I have resisted the urge for 4 weeks now...struggling to keep going strong but trying my best! :)

[@haylee7951]

Taekook Fanboy I’m struggling with this too. Especially lately. But I’ve been clean for a long time now and I don’t want to feel guilty so I’m trying rly hard to stay clean.

[@evanstomlinson6167]

Amazing. You are hope. And Love💜🙂

[@sad-fv5jo]

i've been clean for 4 months now!! you got this trust me!!

[@madzazmarland3785]

Keep going sweet

[@richardmanduch5104]

@@sad-fv5jo Congratulations!!! I wish you all the very best!!! 😊🙂

[@akezia8829]

3 years self harm free today! 🙂❤️

[@playgirl4249]

A how are you now?

[@madzazmarland3785]

Amazing, well done

[@akezia8829]

@@playgirl4249 going on year 6 and I’ve never been happier in my life. No matter what life throws my way, I’m able to use the correct coping skills to avoid self harm. Recovery is very real and something that’s achievable for all of us. 🖤

[@playgirl4249]

@@akezia8829 I’m happy for you ❤️

[@jasminsanny4269]

I hope you are still fine even after 3 years of commenting that

[@Moon_wolf7899]

Most of the time I self harm when I am unable to stop thinking of suicide. So basicaly I am using it as a distraction from suicidal ideation. I also don't hide the cuts especialy when they are on my arm cause I just dont care.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

lady wolf That's sad.

[@jirlboss8269]

@@cedricburkhart3738 that comment is three years ago, I don't think you'll get an answer..

[@cedricburkhart3738]

@@jirlboss8269 Yeah you are correct.

[@nm1278]

Same

[@princessminmin1785]

PLEASE hide fresh cuts, they can trigger people like me, to cut :(

[@ss-on3ll]

I've started self harming again yesterday after stopping for a while. I don't feel good at all. I feel so pathetic..

[@superladdercat1642]

xXSilentSoul Xx

[@annebannan9817]

xXSilentSoul Xx I know that was a while ago but still... something that helps me is to not focus on breaking a no self harm streak, and focus on the fact that you lasted so long without doing it. Relapse just happens, but if you can go longer and longer without self harming after every relapse then in a way you're getting better. :) And it's okay if you need to take a step back before you go forward.

[@mariahwilliams5333]

How are you doing?

[@evanstomlinson6167]

You are a fighter!! You are amazing. You are hope and LOVE💜

[@xxshin_shinxx1247]

Me too....and no ur not pathetic

[@mae3378]

I really appreciate that you don't pretend you know absolutely everything about the topics you speak about. You are a really helpful person, thank you for posting these videos

[@harmonyhenry6400]

I relate to both the silent screaming and self punishment forms of self harm. I usually would cut sentences on my forearm. Because I’m an artist, I would use the blood to paint a picture in hopes that someone would hear my screams for help. You are spot on with your explanation.

[@beandlunt]

i have always felt if of it as a competition with myself. like “last time you cut worse, last time it bled” and then it gets worse.

[@teenyweeny3005]

dude same

[@missbiee9915]

I dont do self harm to get attention... I did it silently.. And it feel so GOOD..

[@yellowgoose5043]

Same....

[@meggwith2gs]

Yes....except sometimes in public if i hit the losing shot in tennis or mess up at running, i have to hurt immediately because delaying the pain makes me weak...i have to hurt, i can't stop.

[@sleeplessmax]

The anger example is so accurate to me.

[@ashleighmitchell2484]

김당순!💕

[@mariap-xs1vt]

Same

[@CowllHatesHumanity]

i need someone to hug me

[@Amela874]

I am sending you a huge huge hug, but you also need to do that for me.

[@CowllHatesHumanity]

+Urszula Gadowska ofcourse

[@musicnow5744]

big hugs

[@musicnow5744]

Hugs

[@tombalabombification]

+CowllHatesHumanity SUPER HUG!

[@Ingrid_11Sa]

Just relapsed.. after being clean for a year and more, it just makes me feel so good..

[@howdyfucker443]

@@jhopesprite1335 same

[@dsfghhgh]

Discovering this a bit late, but watching this was really helpful for me. I suddenly started battling the urge to self harm in my late 20s and early 30s, and I have been really confused as to why these feelings came on seemingly out of nowhere. Hearing you describe one of the reasons as “turning the anger inward” is exactly what I have been going through. Feeling alone, isolated, and having nowhere to turn with my pain and anger except to turn it on myself. Thank you for sharing this.

[@oliviapirie6941]

I used to find that when I argued with my Mum, I would suddenly flip and hit myself continuously in the head. idk but I feel that maybe I just reach a point where I'm so full of emotion and I don't know what to do with myself so I lash out momentarily :(

[@elma2828]

Me too i would get so angry that i start hitting myself

[@mathildecolls]

Same, except i bite myself (arm or hand)

[@procrastinatingmoth1876]

Same. I hit myself in the head or face. I would get big bruises on my cheeks and my mom would ask where did i get them. Even tho i really wanna tell her how our arguments make me feel but i also don't want to hurt her and make her feel like a bad parent (she already does). So I'm just here continuing to hit, bite and cut myself 👀✌🏻

[@mathildecolls]

@@procrastinatingmoth1876 same with the biting part. At least it doesnt leave any scars like cutting

[@procrastinatingmoth1876]

@@mathildecolls most of the time it doesn't. i still have one bite scar tho

[@mrubbykat]

I do it because I like the feeling after it... I feel proud og how I was able to handle the pain, I also like covering it up and being concerned of hor making it up so other people don't notice. I like seeing my scars... of course I know it's wrong but sometimes I just don't care. I like the feeling after I'm done like I accomplished something

[@jessicanicole1757]

Katzia Ramos I feel you. It seems like you can't do anything right but If you hurt yourself and you do it 'good' than theres this kind of relief and the 'voice' who's telling you 'See i told you you can do something good and next time i want you to put more effor in it'

[@oforth]

silent screaming... yeah that resonates a lot. not that i'd have admitted it at the time. while i was self-harming i was so convinced of my success rate in hiding it in plain sight... but i really think, looking back that part of the problem was that there wasn't any followup.

[@sugarskull3771]

I completely understand

[@fannykupcsik8975]

anyone weirdly addicted to see her/his own blood?

[@marissabracamonte2593]

Yes!

[@notengelch4292]

Omg, I thought I was the only one lol

[@pubalipaul9500]

Me

[@strawberrymochi5207]

Fanny Kupcsik yes when I cut it’s I keep going till I see blood when I do it makes my feel Happy to see I was successful on hurting myself I know sounds weird

[@nathanhall8757]

yup

[@nasreen.dreaming]

I’m an LPC and I am so grateful for you and your content! Thank you!

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome!

[@kellikall]

Pain was definitely not the goal for me when I was a self harmer, I got a huge rush of calmless when I saw my own skin divide and expose the fat and blood underneath. I'm glad my brain doesn't work like this anymore, to anyone reading this you will find happiness, some day.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

Broccoli Queen How do you know?😭 It's encouraging to hear but that doesn't mean it's actually true.

[@aricleveland503]

Yes I love watching when the flesh underneath starts to get red spots and then pools up.

[@TheTibimaruko]

Thanks for eng subs. I'm not English speaker so it helps me a lot to understand. Reading English is easier than listening for me. I'm a fan of you. You've helped me a LOT. I love your videos!!

[@Kamoblue]

I just wish I could understand why I choose to SH when things are actually looking OK in my life. Everytime things are at a standstill, or a calm place (as far as my ED, SH, and drug use is concerned ), I have this strange desire or this craving inside to mess it up. It's like I'm uncomfortable with growth and positivity for myself but I love to see it for others. I hate being so destructive.

[@annebannan9817]

Jüdah Morgan God damn that was three years ago but I'm gonna respond anyway. I'm the same way with depression and self harm, I don't want to let myself get better in a way. Anytime anything starts to look good it just makes me so uncomfortable and guilty, like I don't deserve to get better. I feel more comfortable and content with myself when I'm really low, because it just feels like what I need.

[@inbalbenbenishty6801]

YAJA how are you?

[@inbalbenbenishty6801]

Annebannan how are you?

[@healinginafricamymentalhea7692]

Its called Munchausens. Or Factitious disorder.

[@oleviawatters2352]

It's been many years since I've cut, but I did as a teenager. 1. It made the emotional pain visible. 2. The physical pain distracted me from the emotional pain. 3. It gave me something to take care of... Like I would almost ritualisticly cut and then clean and bandage the wounds. 4. It hurt less than before, which may have been the endorphin release thing. It's been 15 years or more since I've done it, but I still get shooting pains down my arms when I'm sad which was usually the precursor to cutting. I just push it down now.

[@Matt-zb7js]

It puts emotion into physical feeling and physical feeling are a lot easier to deal with

[@maiajayne8002]

It helps with control but most of all focus. when I am spiraling and having an anxiety attack self harm is an immediate thing i can focus on and for 5 minutes my brain stops running a million miles an hour.

[@jo.w7316]

Does self harm also exist as a form of self punishment?

[@jaidan3153]

yes

[@christinab.2864]

Sure not to me but to punish someone else.

[@SmashtheCmachine]

+Yuliya Zhelbakova The only time I've done it in front of someone was when they made me angry. And I stared at them while smiling as I did it. Usually, though, it's because I can't make sense of my emotions, and am stressed, and the pain is actually like a warm blanket on a very cold day.

[@jjsol374]

I make incisions on my legs when I embarrass myself or do something that angers my parents. Or if I feel like I've been selfish about things. Especially with the Christmas time. I'd be upset that I asked for 3 items when everyone asked for 2 or 1. So I'd self harm to punish myself for being so selfish and inconsiderate of everyone else. Fortunately, my 3 closest friends are the only people who seem to care about me, since I've seen people not to give a crap about me (probably because I'm a male), when I was in public breaking down. Even so-called "friends" didn't do anything. Then I got upset with myself for crying in front of everyone. So it'll sometimes be a vicious cycle. I haven't had any medical attention, mainly because I don't want my seeing a psychologist or going to a hospital being an inconvenience to them.

[@ianqamarsayz]

+JO .w yeh it does i harm my self not only i enjoy it but deep down for all the bad things ,for all the guilts that are eating me this is the only way of punishing my self........... i know as muslim i am again committing sin by harming my self,as they say your body is the property of God and you cant kill your self and harm it......unfortunately i am rule breaker so i do cut,burn,overdose , and tried many times to kill my self but God is keeping me alive so that i keep on punishing my self..... my all therapists and friends used to tell me that i should forgive my self, start loving my self and move on but no one understands whats eating me and crushing my soul................. wish i could have found anyone who is as dark and psycho as i am ,i am sure we both will rock together :)

[@abrianaschaeffer3050]

the anger one was like whoa that's what I've been feeling? it was anger and stress and frustration? whoa... so I'm not the only one?? it was weird but i had to pause the video and think for a minute lol

[@angelbyrd1636]

That book cutting has changed my life, how I looked at myself. It helped me understand what I was going through

[@Madd_M00]

I never knew what self harm was until I was actually doing it, and I started looking it up, my mum saw me self harm but she didn't do anything about it, I self harm to express self hatred, and to express anger, and to feel pain.

[@BlackCampariBlue]

I self harmed when I was in a really dark place by scratching and bumping my head. It was usually when I was in a conflict with someone (and boy was I fast at being hurt) and normally I totally broke down, screaming and cursing the person and thinking about how the world would be a better place without me. I don't self harm physically anymore, but sometimes when I'm feeling worthless or really misunderstood or under pressure I still feel the urge to scratch myself again. I don't know how, it was such a liberating feeling. Such as "everything is awry but at least I can show what a piece of sh*t I actually am. At least I can set everything aflame". It kinda makes emotional sense for me, although it's confusing when tried to be verbalised

[@GeeaRCee]

5:00 Its the other way around for my friend. They told me that they self harm because they are experiencing so much emotional pain and they use physical self harm to numb the overwhelming feelings of their emotional pain.

[@taylormichelle4640]

I've been self harming since I was in 5th grade and I'm now a sophomore in high school, sadly still doing it. It's mainly because of bullying, never experiencing having a friend, and my social anxiety. It helped temporarily take away the emotional pain and I've gotten so used to it that a lot of times I'll go out without sleeves and forget it's even there and it makes others think I'm weird and just seeking attention.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

Taylor Michelle That's really sad.😭

[@MaTTheWish]

Try to love yourself, the fact that you are here means you care and your life will be awesome someday soon!

[@sandrajhall2242]

I used to cut and burn for 19 years because the emotional pain was too much to bear. I was suicidal for decades, in and out of hospitals, because of severe childhood abuse and neglect. I no longer need a therapist and am no longer depressed or suicidal after decades of therapy.

[@cayleighkearns2246]

I’ve been 2 years self harm free. Even thinking about it makes me anxious. I could never think about doing it ever again, whereas at one time I thought I’d die that way. I thought I could never live without it. I overcame it with lots of help and wonderful people and the right medication. There are always going to be bad days, but I know the worst are over. This is a very accurate and valuable video. I have always wanted to read this book but I had wanted to read it in the past for wrong reasons (better ways to harm) but now that I know it would be safe to read it I would love to read it. Although it may bring back unwanted feelings. I’m currently in school to become a psychologist, so I feel the book would also be educational for me to better help clients. Love your educational videos! I will definitely be using them to study from!

[@lizzymitchell2818]

I think that in a way self harmers are more sensitive then people who don't self harm. If you think about it the people who self harm will hurt themselves than whoever made them mad and also proves that self harmers actually have emotion

[@lm9327]

Respectfully disagree. I don't self harm, but I would consider myself extremely sensitive. In fact, I have severe anxiety & depression and the triggers that would lead some to self-harm lead me to different *albeit equally unhealthy* coping behaviors. I believe there are many ways for extreme sensitivity, and therefore extreme pain, to manifest itself. Yes that certainly includes self-harming and I respect that, but let's not minimize anyone else's pain based on the nature of their coping behaviors.

[@amandapanda9118]

Lizzy Mitchell Yup. We hurt ourselves instead of you. Example: Person A self harms so their parents/family/friends don't get upset. We don't want to hurt others. Please don't judge us if you think we want attention, we just want someone who will understand and be there for us. To anyone who is going through anything, abuse, self harm, bullying, whatever. Please, don't be afraid to reach out. It's all okay, I love you and I'm proud of you for staying this long. You're probably thinking, "You don't know me, you can't be proud of me. " ect. Yes, I am proud of you. I understand. I'll put myself out. Need to talk? My instagram is: mandypandy1026 Love ya'll♥❤

[@aztocaligal5957]

I know that I'd prefer to spontaneously combust than be as mean as I was given & as mean as I once was. Being a monster was in some ways scarier than being the recipient. After this long "joy ride" has been so far, spontaneous combustion is a consideration, lol. j/k

[@em-wv4qt]

Sister L. Its honestly A personal thing. Most of us are very sensitive .

[@taleef1760]

I've been watching some of your videos and I just keep crying. All these things you're putting into words that it's always so hard for me to express. Thank you for your videos.

[@AngeliaChanel]

self loathing, that's my issue and the reason I do it.

[@SmashtheCmachine]

+AngeliaChanel I have self loathing, but that's actually not the reason for me. I do it when my emotions start running rampant, and the WONDERFUL pain sort of puts me in a trance. Calms the raging storm inside.

[@hermionegranger5108]

+I'll vote TRUMP over Shitlery and I hate Trump! - I totally agree! I only stopped because of a promise to a mentor. Even though that was in October of 2015, I have come so close to breaking that promise more and more......

[@user-zu7mm8ni8x]

Same, I do it because I punish myself for being such an idiot

[@cedricburkhart3738]

But you wouldn't loath another person if they had the same thing that makes you loath your self.

[@beavertailspoutine7766]

The strange thing is, I’ve noticed I have different ways of self harm depending on how I feel Like when I’m angry I punch myself, and when I’m sad I cut myself

[@samaraberry3394]

The reason i dont cut when im angry is because im afraid ill go too deep, and then its not a punishment its an attempt. Its easier to batt at yourself when you’re angry.

[@rosemaryrobinson2417]

@@Vinawina101 Yeah, I know what you mean, Brandy. I feel like I can't tell anyone because they might put me away or call 911 or think I'm suicidal which I am not, so I don't say anything but I want to because I want comfort as well. I don't know how to stop either but I finally prayed after slapping my face with both hands as hard as I could and then cutting "loser" on my leg. I prayed and then when I was about to hit again, I was able to stop myself a lot easier than usual! I'm here for you, if you want to write me something here. I will pray for both of us...we will be okay, I know it and I really hope that you will start to feel better and have comfort. Thank you for your post, I thought I would never have that ONE person to tell this to, and here you are. Thank you, Brandy, for being in this world :) We both have bright future's!

[@Chloedawsonpolitano]

It's ok I'm here for yous x

[@catharinanielsen3001]

I usually self harm bc i feel so much that it’s overwhelming so I hurt myself to become numb bc self harming is making me calm.

[@VildeStokke]

Ive used self harm to ground myself when I'm freaking out and over thinking. Its like channeling the emotions I can't deal with into physical pain is easier to handel

[@tinabod8321]

I'm 20, my whole life and still now I am abused emotionally by my mother... No one believes me... But it happends.. I've self harmed for 7 years... Because i'm made to feel worthless and pathetic, I was never allowed to follow my dreams... I'm finally taking a long trip to travel Australia even though she threatens to kill herself because i'm leaving.... I don't think self harm will ever leave me because now I feel so badly about myself and my mum just encourages it in a way...

[@Kabberri]

I wish you all the luck and love :) you can get through this

[@Jenniferlynne0714]

Tina Bod same dude, 2 now

[@What-sr2pk]

hey how are you now?

[@toottootbleetbleet]

do you know anything about obsessive skin picking? I do it a lot. I have depression and anxiety so I'm not sure if it's self harming or solely just and obsessive activity. I pick mostly at my fingers, around the nail, but sometimes it'll be scabs or other things like that

[@fishingwithorigami59]

I do the same many times I start to bleed. If I don't chew or pick my fingers I get really bad anxiety.

[@toottootbleetbleet]

+Fishing with origami😸 I usually bleed as well. I just need to. part of my brain drives me to do it even though I know it destructive. my fiancé tries to stop me but then I just try and be secretive and I keep doing it

[@abbycolby4543]

Summer Folster it could be dermatillomania

[@swivelkeyring3512]

I do that since I'm a child tbh and I often bite dry parts of my lips til it bleed, I cut but stopped early

[@janedoe6866]

I pick at my loose or calloused skin and use a nail clipper to clip off the skin around my finger and toenails because I want to smooth it out. I think it's an OCD thing (I have been diagnosed with OCD, GAD, and various sensory issues). It's not about pain, it's about making it feel "right" or even. And sometimes I do bleed, though that's not the goal. Sometimes I get paranoid about people seeing me after I shower or when I go swimming because I don't want people to ask me about why my skin looks so weird (because it is only "smoothed out" when it's dry). And it's actually worse after I swim or shower because I can see the parts of my hands and feet that aren't smooth, so I want to pick at/clip them again. I don't know if it classifies as a self harm behavior, but it's a crappy, annoying cycle.

[@notmyopinion4981]

I just have to say... omg. Thank you for the title. I clicked on this video bc i was banging my head or on my legs sometimes. And i wanted to know generally, what to do with self harm, thinking that me banging my head till i am dizzy is just me being crazy... like i didnt know that there are others who do this, and it made me think its rather common. I am so thankful to know, that i know now that i can talk about this, without feeeling ashamed. I am 22 and i started recently. I think with 21... i just get so frustrated with my self that i start hitting myself on my head with my fists, like really hard. Thank you very much. That made me very brave and make me consider going to therapy.

[@sarahjones1212]

After a week of deep scratching I drew blood for the first time. It scared me how good it felt. And seeing the bandaid the rest of the day was a euphoric high all day. I did that it felt good.

[@wisermiears]

Hey, Kati! I LOVE your videos and as a Behavioral Analyst for children with Autism, this video really struck out to me. A lot of my nonverbal kids exhibit self-injurous behavior either for escape from a task or simply for attention. Finding the reasoning behind it has always been the key to understanding how to react or approach it. I feel like you really addressed the MULTIPLE functions of SIB and I have been spreading your videos as much as I can :)

[@christinab.2864]

What about self punishment from being bored all day, bored the day before and will be bored tomorrow?

[@emmotionless9860]

I haven't self harmed for 4 years! I still get 'urges'.. but your video definitely resonates.. thinking back it was a coping mechanism.. self medicating by using it to feel and express anger or frustration even saddness.. as well as to escape, even if it's just for a little bit.. I like your comparison to a 'drug' because it was so addictive after I started... When I started getting tattoos it helped me a lot because the actual process gives you that adrenaline and pain however afterwards there's an artists work on your skin to admire ^-^

[@evelyn6920]

I‘ve just found your channel and I am so happy that you decided to take on this topic. I feel like nobody is talking about it and as a result, nobody understands, but judges easily. I myself used to self harm - my scars will never vanish and I have a hard time talking about it. I want to really thank you for making this video, I am very grateful for what you are doing. And to all those people in the comments who are still struggling: I wish you change, love and happiness. It will get better

[@haisesasaki3944]

While I cut, I always say "You deserve this, don't you". It's so releasing. If a day passed without cutting, I feel so uncomfortable. It's a punishment for the things that I do and I consider them as "damaging other people" and It's a way to transform the emotional pain into physical pain, like all this pain is transfered from my heart to my thigh (where I cut) and a way to be numb ... that means if I can handle such pain that means that I can hundle anything. And may it's a cry for help. For about 10 minutes after cutting, I'm not thinking about anything, my brain is completely empty which feels so good. I started cutting a week ago and I have about 40 cuts until now but they healed really fast. Thank u for covering this up

[@datawizard130]

I have a problem with using social media too much as a coping skill

[@seagull653]

its like a shield

[@JessLotte]

ME TOO!

[@carlyyanne8]

I first saw it in a movie and one day when I was upset did it and was hooked from that day forward. It escalated to doing it when I was upset, to doing it to feel because my emotions shut off, when I was bored , or needed to relieve stress even when I wanted to use drugs or drink and couldn't I would do it in place of using. It's a nasty spiral and if anyone is reading this DONT DO IT ! Because it's never just one time, believe me

[@mallorysirko6797]

what movie?

[@uruppy1406]

+two stupid girls "Girl, Interrupted"? but I never saw it. I'm not really sure if it's a movie on self harm or it just included a self harm incident. I wanted to watch it but I always forgot. Ive read about it on a blog

[@DanKirchner5150]

the secretary

[@bearoqueiro8905]

It resonated so bad with me when she said it was silent screaming, because although it's not the primary reason why I do it, I kind of want people to notice and take it seriously. a lot of times you can say you have depression, anxiety, etc but they won't really take it seriously unless they see actual consequences of what depression did to you. plus, it's more subtle than announcing I Have Depression out of nowhere

[@mae790]

It’s been 2 years and I’m proud of myself, and everyone else that’s trying to move on from their pasts and start fresh x

[@un2mensch]

The point about "inward anger" is interesting because there are two very different versions of this. It is, as you say, a way of containing an outburst - an urge to lash out violently - perhaps because of a feeling of powerlessness against someone, or even a feeling of being dangerous to someone else due to one's own near loss of control and self-restraint. This one isn't enjoyable at all. The other is an inward rage similar to self-hatred, in response to prolonged and repeated emotionally traumatic experiences. At some point, you realise the only way to make sense of the bullshit affecting you is to blame yourself for it, and you realise you're forever doomed to repeat the same mistakes and end up in the same situations. So the next step is to torture yourself physically (and mentally, I suppose) because you deserve it. People have strange coping mechanisms.

[@renab.7390]

Finally someone who explains it in a way that feels real and makes sense from the patient's perspective (imo).

[@abbygay4216]

I self harm because it’s a distraction. Like basically if you burn your hand and then cut off your leg your no longer focused on the pain of you hand but on the one from your leg.

[@p0t.n00dle4]

why is cutting always described as the only type of self harm, I keep banging my head on the wall and kinda punch and scratch myself when I'm really angry or helpless kinda like frustrated like something doesn't work from me like my phone won't open I kinda take the frustration out like that and I feel super guilty afterwards and I do a lot of silent screaming with all that and I just feel like everything I feel is fake and I ve wanted help for so long but my parents don't support me I've tried to kill my self before without telling anyone but didn't take enough and I'm jus kinda done can someone pls tell me what's wrong cuz I'm about to give up.

[@zain4019]

TheUltimateEmoTrash oh my goodness you poor soul :(((( I hope you’re doing okay two years later. Please please try EFT (Brad Yates has a channel), it’s life-saving. Try it, it will help, I promise. You can see an EMDR therapist as well. They do wonders, like mine did for me. I hope you’re doing better two years later, please please take care of yourself. You are worthy. I Promise.

[@Marykcredo]

Cutting is not the only self harm. It’s just the most common that’s why people use cutting as an example of self harm.

[@renab.7390]

Me too. I scratched myself, bit or pinched myself till I had bruises, bit my lips, nails and the skin around it till it was bloody, ripped my hair out in patches, cut myself in different ways, strangled/asphyxiated a few times... and everytime I realized I was getting addicted to one self harming behavior I forced myself to stop, but in actuality I immediately + subconsciously replaced it with another one. Cutting and ripping out hair were definitely the most difficult to get rid of for me...

[@dayanhajjmoussa1797]

Please tell me you're still here, I hope I'm not to late but please don't give up you probably don't know me but you're not alone it gets better I promise if you want to talk about it I'm here I would love to talk to you.

[@ebonyemmi230]

I really love how you ask,,OK?" because it makes me feel as if you would address to me directly and want me to understand that I`m ok

[@mylastdime7]

I'm crying throughout the whole video 😭 hug me

[@girlplease2452]

Khiara Cruz I will

[@evanstomlinson6167]

🤗🤗🤗You got it girl!💜

[@NICOLE_THE_SIMMER]

🤗

[@TheSanctifiedBabe]

Sends virtual hug 🤗❤️

[@caitlincintron6457]

virtual hug 🤗 💝

[@jacobmullens374]

When someone puts me down and belittling me it really upsets me and makes me mad and self harming makes me feel like I’m in control. I also do it when I get upset I was told a guy doesn’t cry so it makes me feel better.

[@JM-yx4ew]

I compulsively pick at my scalp. It's a self soothing thing when I'm watching tv or hanging around. It's super embarrassing so I generally catch myself around other people, but I do it at home in front of my bf who doesn't say anything if he notices. It's something I feel compelled to do, and like, it's oddly satisfying. I need to find a way to self soothe that isn't so self destructive but I haven't found anything that replaces it. Note: I used to pop zits and pick at my blemishes on my skin more but that would often result in worsening the problem and bright red, blotchy skin. The scalp picking is mostly concealed except when I go to get a hair cut.

[@SuperFeefer]

I love the book Cutting, I gave my copy to my nephew (who also cuts) and am planning on getting another copy. I still don't completely understand why I struggle with cutting, but it was defiantly helpful in helping me understand a little more. I used to live in hoddies and long sleeve shirts (even in 90 degree weather) my arms are covered in ugly scars, and its so awkward when people stare

[@skippygirl959]

Yeah hoodies all day everyday :\

[@chrish3274]

Rachel Santana Will pick up a copy. And I know that life. Leather jacket on all day every day.

[@mrsaah7]

Thanks for this video, Kati. I struggle with a lot of shame about my few visible scars. It's so good to know I'm not alone, and that this shouldn't be a source of shame.

[@ElenaHSin]

I used to self harm for mostly 2 reasons. First one you already mentioned is to express rage, because in my family because of my father I didn't really had the option to speak out my opinions and thoughts. And the other one is because I suffer from anxiety, and I used to have really bad panic attacks (mixed with just rage) and I became just so out of reality that my only way to bring myself to reality again was by cutting myself so I could feel something that was like real real.

[@glvdnbinge2440]

I feel like I’m wearing a mask all the time 😞

[@thatlibrarysmell720]

Soju Senpai If you’re willing to admit that then the real you is PROBABLY so bad that you need to hide them.

[@ar_gusp1674]

If only you knew about COVID 19

[@nicolealexandra1392]

@@ar_gusp1674 very funny ha ha

[@gunnarerickson8708]

This aged well

[@cxldstar471]

Feel you bro. Not alone.

[@greenkitty79]

Wow, I didn't know self harm is an issue or a subject in mental health. I was often emotionally abused in my marriage. That was decades ago. I thought I had no way out and felt very alone. I stabbed my leg with a pen. It bled and hurt , I had no clue why I did it. I couldn't talk to anyone and I thought I was going crazy. I even thought of killing myself until then loser thought he fell in love with someone else and told me to leave and I promised I would. His so-called love affair did not work out and he begged me to stay. I held on the my "promise" and left him. Looking back, I am so glad I did not waste more of my life for someone who is not worth it. I am also so glad that I learn so much from informative videos that you put out. Thanks.

[@eleanorheap511]

I'm so happy you got away from them. Nobody deserves that.

[@Greenling]

I always thought about dissociative cutting the other way around, which I guess must be something else - being partially detached from reality in an uncomfortable way and using self-harm as a grounding thing to reattach the psyche to the body, so to speak. (I guess related is the drive to express control/ownership of a body that doesn't feel real or doesn't feel like one's own.)

[@chrysalizubeth88]

I’ve struggled over the years with banging my head and scratching my arms with my nails. The physical pain is a way to shift focus away from overwhelming emotional pain.

[@tim4542]

Thank you for talking about this, it's so important to get this information out there. I self-harmed for 5 years and was hospitalized for it and no one knows how to have a conversation about it. I really appreciate what you're doing by talking about this.

[@christinab.2864]

I used to want people know but not now

[@princessreili2382]

Oh my, I can relate to all of the types she talks about :/

[@jordanclava931]

The other day a friend accidently dropped a heavy backpack on my arm, and it was nothing serious, not even a bruise, but for some reason I really enjoyed it and I became obsessed with the adrenaline that came with it.

[@samaraberry3394]

Relate

[@harmonyhenry6400]

I started mildly cutting as a result of an eating disorder. A recent relationship and some difficulties with school have caused me to cut like never before. Another form of self harm I have dealt with is piercing. When I would think of the failed relationship I would feel embarrassed and guilty, then resort to jabbing rings through my ears and lips

[@phoenixmoon3]

I just love you. I share your videos. I know this topic first hand. My trigger is anger. I don’t cut. I do hope whoever listens to this gets help and finds the light.

[@hayleyf9438]

I love how people tell her to shut up yet she’s the professional...

[@tania_siebzehn]

I am sad... but I don't want everyone look pitty to me when I am in crying and depression.... I slap my face till my cheek so hurt

[@evanstomlinson6167]

Stay Encouraged and Strong. 💜

[@ariaachann8331]

Yeah me too

[@Enigma_Prowler]

I don't really like that it kind of sounded like you were saying if you cut on your arms you're doing it for attention. The first time I cut it was actually really really light (more of a scratch) on my ankle, but when it really started becoming a thing for me, I did it on my arms simply because it was easy and convenient. I didn't need to remove clothing to do it. Until I started wearing hoodies/long sleeves and bracelets constantly to hide it. I have never shown anyone my cuts, not intentionally anyway. (A nurse at my doctors office saw some that were only a few days old when she was taking my blood pressure. That's how my doctor found out, but he didn't ask to see them, but he did ask how deep they were and if any were infected.) I later started cutting on my legs because I got to a point where there wasn't much cut-free space in the areas of my arm I'd been cutting and hiding it was causing me more stress than I was already under, plus summer had started by this point. I still wear long sleeves all the time because I'm scared of people asking about it. Mostly, I'm scared of my family and the people closest to me overreacting and not understanding. I'm also scared of them seeing it and being scared about asking me about it and instead of asking they're thinking the completely wrong thing about why I did it and wondering if I still am. Anyways, I definitely have never done it for attention. I try very hard to hide it from people! I think it's the third reason, self medication, for me. It's a distraction from the pain and overwhelming emotions. I also get kind of fascinated by it, so there's a tiny bit of maybe scientific curiosity mixed in there too. And it is definitely addictive as well.

[@Enigma_Prowler]

Just an afterthought. I also hide them from myself. Seeing them triggers the urge to do more. But the longer I go without cutting, the easier it is to resist that urge!

[@Naomi-fm5fy]

I resonated when you say it's to express anger inward and to release tension. When I do it, I feel relief and start breathing like when I finish running. It feels incredibly good and I just can't stop. There was a period that I was clean for a month but there are things that trigger the harming.

[@sandramontesdeoca9514]

I am a student becoming a social worker, thank you so much for this video. I know people that self harm, and this is the first time I understood it, and know I will be able to use it seeing patients.