What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

[@airohtheenby]

Any time anyone criticizes me in a rude or unempathetic way I feel so much shame for anything I could have done wrong at any point. It makes me feel worthless and it physically hurts even if I know the criticism isn’t the end of the world

[@tavaruswilliams3146]

I understand this soo much.

[@airohtheenby]

@@tavaruswilliams3146 thank you, it makes me feel a little better to know I’m not alone in battling with this

[@lacecurtainirish]

It’s something that I struggle with but it has helped me to consider that the people that do that are broken too. It’s not really about me. They’re projecting and as an empath and abuse survivor, I’m an easy target. We can’t change their behavior but we can work on our own perspective of it. I hope that makes sense.

[@beatrixthegreat1138]

My sister and now ex had this thing where I’d say something then look at me like I was crazy... never failed to make me second guess myself.

[@katmatally]

Sometimes it's good to speak to the person in a respectful way, as in, "I feel that your criticism of me was overly harsh. Do you have a way to give me more helpful feedback?"

[@theoneandonline]

I love how you always use "we", even if you don't mean to include yourself literally. It makes me feel so welcome and accepted.

[@ranc1977]

That is why Humanistic psychology works - it is based on validation and acceptance, client based therapy. CBT on the other hand is therapy of ableism, CBT is form of narcissistic abuse gaslighting - it is relentless criticism and CBT will make RSD much much worse.

[@duckaline1883]

Not me literally being to scared to even try to make friends or try my actual best at something because of the crippling fear I’d fail

[@legallyredone5561]

Absolutely! I have stopped trying things out of fear of rejection! I used to be known for my flowerbeds, now I am afraid to go outside just to walk my dog for fear I might be judged because my hair isn't styled or my dog pooped on the common area lawn & I picked it up but now I will be blamed for all other dog's poops. I mean, I know it isn't rational, but I compare myself so much to others and even to my past self. Or, as Katie has enlightened me, the "self" which was an exhausting act. I often said in therapy that I didn't actually know the real me b/c it varied for each circumstance. Thank you, Katie, for making me aware of this! Never, ever heard of this. I thought I was the only one who experiences this and believed it was just BPD. So.... action opposite to emotion right now? I am going to take my dog outside.... because I don't want to.

[@sarahg2653]

I feel ya. If we never try, we can never fail.

[@ethaniel_tweedy]

It makes me want to cry finally hearing someone put a name and explanation to thoughts and feelings that I just can't understand or express. After so many years. Thank you.

[@chrissimon4434]

I couldn’t put it better myself!

[@vanshome7612]

ikr, same

[@rv706]

That's a made-up word, it's not a thing. Look up "social phobia" or "vulnerable narcissism" instead.

[@ranc1977]

Yep! And CBT bans information about Complex Trauma. It is recognized by WHO's ICD-11. RSD is not diagnosis. We need to be careful with CBT - it is extremely dangerous and misused therapy that is doing more damage than good.

[@quijybojanklebits8750]

​@@rv706 howabout you learn about Hou the lack of dopamine plays a role in gratification and the feeling of success. People with adhd and to an extent have a lack of this neurotransmitter aswell as others like norepinephrine. The conditions you pressed are also comorbid symptoms for the syndromes like adhd and asd. I have both but am considered, "gifted" yet I hate the term because I don't see being depressed and scared of people as a gift especially when I'm considered attractive and have an inability to act on my attractiveness unless I'm 100% sure I'll attain a decently positive response. You're ignorant of the harsh reality of people's interpretations of the the world and the prevalence of that subjective worldview or its impact on the productivity of an individual or the sheer weight the condition bears. I hate my intelligence and I'd give it up for social intelligence. I am able to mask the problems I have but only to an outward appearance. I fail at social interactions, can't make eye contact, always say yes to please people, sacrifice myself for others, hide my emotions and ironically understand others emotions despite being autistic. No joke, I hate my Condition and have wanted to delete my self from the universe because of the loneliness I get to experience day in and day out. And to further my claim to attractiveness though I think I'm not is that I'm 5'9" 150lbs and a gymnast and in relatively good shape for a 36yro.

[@sandyinkwiggyyassqueen2181]

Rejection releases the same physical and chemical reaction in the body as physical pain. That says everything.

[@colonelb]

YES - which is also why things like Clonidine work, many times this sort of thing is just "chemicals in the brain" even if there isn't a good reason to feel rejected. (that's the dysphoria part) - I have RSD and Clonidine has helped me a ton. The pain signal is just a fancy "check oil light" in your brain saying "hey Sandy, something is wrong right now, go figure it out, maybe it's a bear chewing on your leg, maybe you're feeling rejected, I'm busy and can't be bothered to differentiate the two, you go figure it out"

[@jonjeskie5234]

@@colonelb you have to start with the question "what is pain"?

[@colonelb]

@@jonjeskie5234 Yeah good point, there's physical pain, emotional pain, and sometimes especially if the root cause is chemical in nature, those can overlap in a hard to sort out way

[@RobSalamander]

@@jonjeskie5234 and that is a deep question. If we stop separating mind and body, pain is pain is pain. I find both troublesome. When I am practicing meditations for my chronic back pain, I am encouraged to breath and just non-judgementally experience all sensations, including what is happening in my spine. By not judging it as good or bad, it seems to remove the sense of suffering. So something that I would have described as a hot, electrified knife being twisted into my lumbar region it becomes a tingling warmth and pleasant…..weird. Pain, as all sensations and experiences are in the mind. Doesn’t mean it’s made up pain. Ive MRI’s and CT scans to prove my reality, rods and screws. Scans dont show how we feel about them though. I do use pain relief as well, less than I would if I didn’t meditate and change my mindset. Seems to help.

[@travontyrichardson3275]

@@colonelb l

[@tomburns7544]

Oh, MAN! This is so me! I am totally fine speaking and performing in front of hundreds of people but there is no way I will ask a woman out because of the multiple rejections I had as a teen. I've been alone for my entire adult life because rejection is so painful. I wish I'd known to get therapy earlier but now it's too late for me. Thanks, Katie.

[@mag6521]

❤️❤️❤️

[@Alli-oops12]

Any change in tone, body language, misunderstood words, or mishearing or being heard or an action seeming to hint at it..I seriously struggle like these things alone are going to be the end of my life, which sometimes in the past has seemed better than full out feeling it.

[@mamgorobong]

"Playing it out to the end" is a thing that i have been doing this past months when I'm overwhelmed by emotions (when there is something that triggered my RSD). I just imagine how things would playout, the worst scenarios, and how I would deal with it. Imagining scenarios in my mind caused me intense emotional pain and physical pain. But It would also help me deal with the RSD since it exhausts my mind to the point that I'll ended up fast asleep right after. "Playing it out" and sleeping right after really helps my RSD. I feel refresh and unburdened when I wake up. Though it takes too much time and effort to imagine scenarios in your mind. haha.

[@wanderkind0]

Internal Family Systems therapy definitely deserves a mention. I did CBT for years, but it could only get me so deep. IFS helped me learn how to use compassion towards my wounded inner child in a big way that I never experienced with CBT. Not that I don't recommend CBT - it's probably best to start with CBT and see how far it gets you first.

[@TacTar]

I'm glad there is an actual name for this mental illness. Everything mentioned hit right on the nail for me. People pleasing and timid behavior is a strong indication of RSD. It's exhausting to always "put on the show" for others, even family. The rebound effect makes you want to isolate yourself as a coping mechanism. This is also where social media addiction occurs as well due to the loneliness RSD brings. It's a deadly cycle that only affects you and not the people whom you are always trying to please in hopes they don't "hurt" you. I suggest reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

[@Jorg-ug3ie]

RSD isnt a mental illness in itself. It mostly occurs in certain combinations, linked to mental conditions. But I can see what you mean.

[@Zouteregenboogmelk]

Thank you for making this more known. It is so relieving to hear my troubles are common and recognized. To everyone who struggles in their daily life with this. Don’t lose hope to be doing better someday! You are loved, you are strong. That’s what I also keep telling myself, and it makes just that slightest difference you need.

[@ranc1977]

Discovery of RSD is like genome of all our issues with psychology that we struggle. It will help us to laser point our issues and devote our energy and focus in exact place - as oppose to overgeneralization from CBT and other toxic resources which misdiagnose our issues and lead us astray into wrong alley, spending too much money, focus and time on wrong things which could never work nor help us in any way but falsely promise to help. CBT must be banned.

[@GuppyPal]

It happens because it's linked to being "rejected" in childhood in some way, which is also the cause of all these different mental disorders. What disorder you develop largely depends on your genetics, but they are all simply symptoms, manifestations, of underlying trauma. Heal the trauma, heal the mental illness.

[@Malitubee]

This x100000

[@Joy-xz2fx]

It’s so hard to heal the trauma if it was daily abuse for all of growing up and into adulthood. I often wonder what’s worse the big traumas I experienced like being raped, or witnessing my college roommates suicide / death or the other daily things I experienced being beat down emotionally and physically beat as a child. I work with a therapist but don’t have med management at this time and am struggling. I think both pieces are huge especially as you go through and address issues and discuss the past with a therapist or anyone you trust, it’s hard work.

[@GuppyPal]

@@Joy-xz2fx Read "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving." It's THE best book out there on complex and developmental trauma. Read the reviews to see how much it's helped others too.

[@ranc1977]

"rejected" just say it what it is it is exposure to relentless criticism and nitpicking 24/7 in early age when we were impressionable. ". Heal the trauma, heal the mental illness." True mental illness is in perpetrators of abuse. They have mental illness. When we are targets of abuse - this is called reaction to abuse. If we use label mental illness on ourselves - we will misdiagnose and mislabel ourselves, we will re-traumatize ourselves and reject ourselves as abusers did. You cannot heal trauma if you label trauma as personal choice and something that is wrong with you to the core. There is nothing wrong with our mind. Our mind works fine. We are not serial killers - we do not desire to harm other people - hence there is no mental illness.

[@ranc1977]

@@GuppyPal ead "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving." What you "forget" to say is that CPTSD is banned by corrupt medical industry and that pharma mafia is making huge money on trauma labeling it as mental illness and cognitive disorder. While in the same time narcissists are left alone - those who are causing "mental illness" as you label it, into others. WHO's ICD-11 recognized cptsd as valid concept. American pharma mafia industry does not.

[@Akstergrind]

I’ve been divorced three times and in each relationship I bent over backwards trying to be utterly perfect in order to avoid rejection. Now I’ve realised it’s just less traumatic not to engage with people in the real world at all. I stay in and only leave the house to walk my dog or to do the shopping. I avoid meeting up with anyone, even when I’m invited to do so. I’m hoping the invitations will dry up eventually and people will get the message. I’m 56 and currently waiting to be diagnosed with ADHD. Thank you for your video.

[@kaydeebug24]

I'm so glad you talked about this because I have heard this diagnosis can ONLY be found with people who have ADHD

[@wigglytoast]

same here, there’s so much misinformation out there. it made me feel so invalidated until i saw this video and realized that there ARE other’s that rsd is linked to.

[@Sean-ni4qy]

This sounds really close to me. CBT helped me stop catastrophic thought loops and 'should' statements. no actual diagnosis (poverty lol), but thank you for this. something to start considering next time I spiral

[@beautifulspacesllc]

LOOPING THOUGHTS OMG THATS WHAT I HAVE

[@foxy_poetry]

I can relate to "poverty lol".

[@magicdust6]

Never knew there was a name for how I was feeling. Very eye opening watching this.

[@rubenbasulto8965]

Thank you Doctore. This video strikes me with truth. I cried watching it.

[@parmdeepjagdev8395]

Thank you so much. This is me to a Tee. I have always suffered from severe social anxiety and shyness ever since I can remember. It has always been linked to my fear of a negative outcome. It has held me back all my life. CBT and life coaching has helped me a lot, however this has helped me understand myself more.

[@yeah2837]

omg… i think this is the most relatable vid on your channel for me o.o definitely bringing this up in therapy this week, thanks sm for the information!! i had no idea this was its own thing! i fr feel like i just had a paradigm shift about like, my whole life :O

[@allyn9195]

Oooh I like the subtle music in the background

[@Katimorton]

Yay! I will let Sean know.. since he does all the editing :) xoxo

[@JustCallMeKim84]

Am I weird? I can’t hear the music in the background 😳

[@VengefulPolititron]

I think it's only at the beginning

[@viktoriavadon2222]

This hits so close to home... this might be what I'm struggling with.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

I hope you get better. It sounds really hard.

[@tearalewis7532]

I'm no Dr, but my husband and I agree he has undiagnosed ADHD. Its extremely obvious. I always saw this in him and I would get so aggravated (not in front of him) why he would take a harmless slight from someone and make it this big deal of rejection, or even perceived rejection if someone took too long to get back to him. But this gave me more insight. Thankfully we have good communication and I can talk him out of most of them, but I still struggle with him having a big reaction if I correct something he is doing like in the most simple harmless was because he is say, watering the wrong plant or getting too much chicken feed. And he acts like I think he is worthless and cant do anything right. It's such a overreaction. It's never a fight or anything as I tell him it's ok, just do this not that. But it makes sense now.

[@larag1764]

You are so good at explaining complicated concepts / conditions. Thank you for all your hard work. Hi from Australia 🌺

[@katmatally]

I spiralled into a 2-week deep depression bc someone left me off an email list. I perceived that I wasn't wanted in the group. Of course my therapist was away for a month at the time 🙄

[@nitzans]

Thank you so much!!! I've recently come to think that I might have ADHD and RSD, so this video came just in time while I seek diagnosis.

[@woefulmelancholy]

Sometimes I feel like my RSD is so strong it should be its own diagnosis

[@janelle_beans]

I absolutely agree! Social anxiety really doesn’t fit anymore the more I hear about RSD!!

[@mothbythesea]

Same!!

[@colonelb]

(not a mental health professional) - my wife and I both have ADHD and RSD and in her case, it's REALLY bad to the point that she gets oppositional and defiant - a sort of "I'll reject you before you have a chance to reject me" sort of thing. When she was younger she'd quit a job if she did poorly before anyone had a chance to criticize her, and stuff like that. Recognizing it though, was a HUGE step that, "it's okay and she doesn't have to be like that if she doesn't want to" and has helped her a ton. If you're in a similar situation, know you're not alone and it's okay.

[@pencilnib7106]

I had repeatedly forgotten to turn off my alarm clock for about six months, and when my roommate had to come in to turn it off at 6 AM on her day off, she sent me a text about me needing to be more aware of the impact that I have on others. Very justifiable, but I wish I was better at all of this stuff. It’s nice to hear about it.

[@michaelswagson4457]

With adhd, the stronger an emotion, the more we tend to shift our focus toward it, which amplifies it. Many negative emotions can create an amplifying feedback loop of negativity this way. I suspect something similar with rsd.

[@chi6801]

So glad you made this, its super common in adhd but barely anyone knows much about it so I'm just dramatic to them

[@AknKocoval]

Your videos are great. 😍💐

[@Katimorton]

Awe I am so glad you are enjoying them :) xoxo

[@riyapotter]

As a depression survivor and someone having BPD-like symptoms this gave a lot of insights to me and possible areas to look into for working on myself

[@evanmoskovoy6072]

Thank you once again! You cannot imagine how helpful this is to me.

[@SusieQ78]

Well, we know I’m a “shutter downer” lol.

[@lizziedeerest]

This is so interesting. I am so much of a people-pleaser that sometimes I don’t know who I am, or I feel resentful towards others, as if it’s their fault that I feel the need to put a mask on around them. (And wearing the “mask” makes me so exhausted!) This week I’ve been remembering something from preschool: my teacher yelled at me and I cried for the entire weekend, to the point that my mom was concerned about me. That memory haunts me because it reminds me how much rejection hurts me. It’s also weird/hard to fathom that as a four-year-old, I felt that extent of hopelessness or depression.

[@oliviachipperfield6029]

It's hard to go to work lately. One wrong comment from a coworker, such as a small correction, or critique, really angers me., though I try to hide it. But I often will become haughty in defense if myself.

[@hgzmatt]

You are aware of it, that's extremely valuable.

[@cobracommander8133]

This sounds similar in ways to avoidant personality disorder

[@winkydstanaccount5003]

Narcissists struggle with it, people with AD/H/D also, it mirrors some BPD symptoms, and it's common after parental abuse. Why it should be its own "syndrome" at all is very unclear.

[@chuckm1961]

@@winkydstanaccount5003 EVERY HUMAN BEING EVER has struggled with it. It's not a "syndrome". IT's called the condition of being a human being.

[@crazygeorgelincoln]

Really helpful talking about treatment options, I remember feeling bothered asking or saying the wrong thing the friends maybe 10 years ago. I tried saying and doing minimal wrong or something things, maybe some got through, anyway this people drifted away and most of them haven't spoken in 10 years, saying the wrong thing just speeds up the process allowing you to concentrate your efforts on the people who stick around,

[@christym.6529]

Very helpful. Thank you Kati. And good job Sean on the editing. 👍🏻😊

[@ninadirnimiezenberger5072]

Oh my, that's me 100%. I'm so thankful for the video!

[@nicolasy3392]

Wow I can totally relate to this on so many levels & two of them where covered in this video & the other one that I never expected to be a problem became a trigger to this has well as the fear of rejection on so many levels thud being when I was blatantly told my bladder muscle was dead ! No chance to reverse damage from a car accident so I was told to " deal with it " consultant 's words ! I was left very much so in the dark & being told I'd have to wear a Catheter for life shocked me beyond my core . I had to suddenly get used to a tube coming out of my stomach via bladder for me to be attached to a leg bag that I have to wear on my leg strapped up day in day out ! Bang goes my overall feel good thing to feeling dirty despite being so clean all the time , I hated " The Tube " has I called it , feared rejection like who on earth is going to see me first without judging " The Tube " first ??? Super anxious the whole time I decided to cut myself off from meeting anyone who I might like or even love , I'm fear if rejection ! 10 years on & I'm still terrified of rejection & so much more . I have developed a body image problem too from this. I can't wear my favourite clothes because I've to constantly have a bag attached to my leg every day & to make matters worse I have to have a nightbag connected up to this leg bag to my Catheter every single night so how wonderfully attractive, # Not ! This is not the only issue however I've began to have " EMDR THERAPY " & it is the best thing I can recommend 100 billion % ! It is a brilliant way to extract subconscious memory's from all areas of life more so the trauma side , although any emotional trauma etc you take control of & learn amazing techniques that truly help ! It's making a huge difference to me & I can't recommend it enough , it truly is worth getting through these times in our pasts that can often hold you back. I've been holding these back & grieving for over 28 years has I was told to " Shut up & never speak of it again " & was even threatened to get thrown into care if I carried on trying to talk about loosing my sisters & so much more 💔 . So please seek out the guidelines from this video if you so wish & like I said EMDR Therapy is amazing & it works ,.painful to process but absolutely crucial for recovery to a better you ! You need to heal in your own way & which ever way you do that just know you can do it in your time . It's ok to have some help along the way . It's progression & part of healing . It's like sometimes you may think that why this type of help ? I don't need it ? Although it's the starting of connecting the dots so to speak that makes the bigger picture so to speak , that the steps are crucial for the overall progress , like one step at a time & not 5 steps ahead then 4 , then 9 has they're not in the correct sequence to connect the dots so to speak . I found this out for myself , being arrogant , angry & emotionally twisted on a " I don't need to do that shit " or even saying " that doesn't apply to me has I don't relate " !? I'd find every excuse at the beginning not to accept help has I was too embarrassed to ask for it & again feared rejection from anyone & even feared being laughed at & even bullied again by adults so yeah it has taken me so long to accept what I didn't know & knew that if I don't do this one step at a time , the right way then I'm only making my own recovery to get past my traumas & fears prolonged to almost a never ending spiral down . 28 years I've held in emotional, excruciating pain from far too much trauma & I knew I had to make that critical change now & so I began of last year if 2020 & still continue to have EMDR THERAPY ! I'm so happy I made a start . I've so much to get through & I'll do it just like you can do it too ! You need to believe in yourself ! You got this just remember! Never ever rush any kind of therapy ever , take your time , it's your recovery . You have to feel to heal . Like this video this is a different way of Therapy however the guidelines talked does help you process so many techniques to help you help yourself . I wish you all to heal in your time & you got this , I believe in you . God bless your Heart 's & Soul's . With Love & Light from the UK 🇬🇧 Each day is a new beginning remember that Beautiful Worlds xxx xxxx 🙌🏿🙌🏻🙌🏽🙌🏻🙌🏼🙌🏾🙌🏿🙌🏻🙌🏽💞🙏😁💗💙💖❤🖤🤎💚💜💛🧡🤍 .

[@Leggs013]

I think I have this! I'm 54 years old, Never Married.

[@Deathwarrior115]

Since you’re a therapist i, maybe could get some advice on my “ dont feel like doing anything “ situation It all began al the end of last year , i just started my internship in some hospital and ever since the first day i got this feeling of not wanting to do anything anymore . I know it sounds silly and childish but i just couldnt give a crap about anyone or anything , i started getting extremely tired for a 5-6 hour job which seems alot but honestly we just sit around and wait for patients most of the time . My family started worrying and made this conclusion of vitamin deficiency ... but i dont know Lately , this feeling started increasing and i feel like even moving and breathing is tiring for me ... so most of the time i set quietly in bed watching youtube after lunch till i sleep and go back to work super early coz my house is like supper far away for that damn hospital . The only things that bring me true happiness these days are a good meal of food and sometimes playing video games . I dont know if you will bother reading this but i felt like i wanted to share this .. idk why but i just did

[@JustCallMeKim84]

Hey I get where your coming from. I’m feeling like this at the moment.

[@johnruhland9428]

Hi, my name is John and I relate to what your feeling, it sounds similar to my feelings when I was extremely depressed. I am on antidepressants now and have gone through therapy and have had extremely good results from therapy in particular. Where I seemed to make the most progress was to start appreciating what I do have, even the most basic of needs shelter from the cold, (I'm from Canada),food to nourish me, my phone for family and friend contact,,and you may not believe it-my own private washroom. I really am richer than I thought and now enjoy my life once again. Wishing you all the best.

[@ruzgar2900]

just because she is a therapist, doesnt mean she has to respond to you 😑

[@6thMessenger]

Oooo It sounds like I’m suffering with internalized RSD. I was going through a brutal divorce from my narcissistic ex-wife, struggling with depression, ended up losing my dream job, and about $15k in investments, and lost my own small business. ...then with covid quarantine I went into total shutdown.

[@tiffanylin714]

Hi Katie! I would love to translate your video in to Chinese(Traditional) !! I think your video deserves to be seen in other countries and helping Asians to be able to know and understand mental illness or learn thing about themselves. just drop a comment and let me know how to get this work :)) love from Taiwan xoxo

[@saram5659]

After 10 years of talk therapy (CBT as well) I finally have less or this because of trauma therapy (Somatic Experiencing in my case). I think it's hard to therapy this away without resolving the trauma that taught us we're not worthy as we are.

[@nancygerke1896]

Great information. Thank you for helping me feel understood.

[@alphamegaradio]

Great video! RSD is becoming way more prevalent today, due to dopamine-driven and approval-seeking / rejection-loathing social media feedback loops. The H.A.L.T. formula also applies to dealing with spiritual attacks and oppression... part of making sure that our (Christians) "armor of God" is ready and well-maintained internally. Thanks!

[@jvrock7]

@kati I read an opinion peice a while back stating that RSD is actually CPTSD and wow it made a lot more sense than pathologising an emotional response in isolation. All of the reactions and effects(both immediate and far reaching) of "RSD" are actually the same as the effects of trama. (And for those that say "I didn't have any trauma," the "complex" in complex ptsd can mean both experiencing/having in the past experienced ongoing trauma/abuse, AND/OR cumulative effects of micro traumas)

[@crafty1975]

Sounds like another name for C-PTSD through my lens. Milder but I still feel that developmental trauma is at the centre of a lot of "mental illness's or disorders". EMDR is a useful tool alongside DBT/CBT, those both helped in my recovery immensely. I related a lot the symptoms described here today. Totally my opinion so read as such.

[@spannycat2]

You can have RSD without a traumatic event.

[@frizzelfrazzel99]

I havent been diagnosed with RSD but I know from how I use to be and how I still kinda am I do have it! My childhood trauma actually made it worse!

[@DexterHaven]

Some say that Stanford soccer captain who committed suicide had RSD, Katie Meyer. Her parents are suing Stanford for wrongful death. I came here to hear what it was. Now I realize I'm too critical of others; I didn't realize how sensitive others were to criticism; I called it 'constructive criticism'. I'm always pointing out how many YT videos suck for this reason or that, if they bug me.

[@benjaminbaru3755]

Thank you for this.

[@JustinaJayne]

So. This, for my whole life. Always feeling sad and unwanted and left out. Fomo = my life. It’s made me slow to post my music on here (YT) or perform or try to have friends anymore or do anything creative, even tho the other part of me wants to so much. I think that now, after so much hurt, I am an a**hole and am mean a lot out of ultimate defense hyperdrive or something. Its like I switched from empathy to hurt them before they hurt me. N now I wanna stop doin that bc it hurts mah life.....not to mention others feelings.

[@amyeho]

So, THIS, what you just wrote. Every. Single. Day. With me, though, it's everything. Literally, it will often take me hours/days to respond to or write texts or emails, post anything on any kind of social media, almost everything. Often nothing gets done at all because I freeze and panic with thoughts/images of the billions of ways bad things could/can/will happen if I do anything at all.

[@JustinaJayne]

@@amyeho I do the same. My fiancé says I live out the whole story first and decide what’s the point. Difficult. Today I want to just disappear.

[@aqqaluolsvig1564]

It happens to me when I expect someone and they don't show up or when I am alone and lonely and think of my friends having fun without me, it hurts like hell. It is like an emotional delusion.

[@my.life.journey13]

I‘m doing some research on mental health since a while and on my way through this I thought I may could struggle with quiet BPD (along with some other issues), but now I feel like RSD may fits me better than BPD. I think maybe there are some overlaps. I’m also not searching for a box/diagnosis I can fit in, but searching for a way to feel better long term. Thank you for your work! 🙏🏼

[@Hakajin]

Oh geez... I think I had this growing up. Like, as soon as I saw the title... I didn't mind getting in trouble with my parents as a kid, nor did I take arguments with my peers too seriously, but if I got in trouble with a teacher or other authority figure? Total breakdown! It could be something minor, but I would be upset for the rest of the day. Like, I distinctly remember getting in trouble with my kindergarten teacher for playing in a place where she'd told me not to, and... She said, "It's just your name on the board! If you had a million billion checks by your name, I'd be worried!" Not in any kind of dismissive way: looking back on it as an adult, she obviously felt terrible that I took it so hard. But yeah, I was like that through high school. Somewhat beyond: making a gaffe with peers could set me off, too. I'm not sure what really changed. I mean, I was already aware of what was going on with me, that these situations weren't the cause for shame they felt like in the moment... I think maybe it was a matter of brain development, and/or experience. But for whatever reason, I got past it: it became more like, Well, that was stupid and it sucks, but everyone makes mistakes, can't change the past. That's just how it feels, though: I couldn't have logicked myself out of it back then.

[@SunnyGirlFlorida]

Yeah, I was never able to handle being a salesperson.

[@TheLegendarySuperSaiyanBroly]

Thank you. I needed to see this.

[@aC-zj9rh]

Thank you for all your videos!!!!

[@KittySnicker]

I swear this is what I dealt with before. Thankfully seemingly recovered.

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad you are recovered!!! xoxo

[@KittySnicker]

@@Katimorton Thank you!

[@PetterHughes]

I think i suffer from RSD! I fear rejection when applying for jobs and asking out a girl on a date!

[@purplefish0947]

I don't need to watch this to know I could very possibly likely have this.

[@nataliehilton2661]

thank you so much for your videos they help alot your the best

[@Katimorton]

Glad you like them! :)

[@smithy7034]

Excellent video, thank you very much. ❤👍🏻

[@natashasays]

This sounds just like avoidant personality disorder.

[@stoogey1]

Kati I've got a video idea for you, the mental effects that adoption has on adoptees.

[@chrisdrake7804]

Dbt might check it out. Im at the edge at the moment.

[@mackfam9798]

thanks for posting this this was helpful for me love you kati

[@Katimorton]

Awe I am so glad it was helpful!! xoxo

[@georgecribb1600]

Hi Katy!

[@Katimorton]

Hi George!! xoxo

[@comfortblanket]

Has anyone else been accused of being a narcissist ?

[@katitax508]

I have ADHD and very clearly show symptoms of depression and RSD, and my therapist hasn’t tried CBT, DBT or anything of the like with me. Therapy is a huge financial effort for me and she hasn’t offered me any tools to help with my distress. I feel very frustrated :/

[@oh2887]

I know what that is like have ADHD and cormorbid depressive spells. Maybe time to change therapist? I have found that CBT Tools for healthy living , self help mood diary APP is helpful. Basically it helps you recognise where you have unhelpful thought patterns and how to chang your cognition ( which is what CBT is essentially) Hope things get better for you soon 🌻

[@josephswafford7578]

You are right..

[@pyroblade452]

Is flat out rejecting everything and everyone a form of it? I have a tendency to reject friends, and meaningful relationships, reject before you get rejected per say. I stop talking to people first and what do you know, most of them will stop talking to you. You always have to go out of your way to talk to them, so you stop trying, and then they live on their social life without you, replacing you with others.

[@leigholding1397]

Do the rejection first..... so don't have to be responsible for others rejection 🙂

[@heidicameron2015]

Sounds like how I feel but I’m working on it❤️

[@stefanklass6763]

Wait, there’s a diagnosis for this? This is me!

[@wildmangeorgesrcchannel6916]

iv been rejected by every woman iv tried to date. my entire life. i dont blame women. i know its my fault. i dont care about having the hottest woman around, looks mean nothing to me. i know a girlfriend isnt going to fall into my lap. so to speak. i have put in the effort and it always results in rejection. i dont need revenge. i know that who ever they do choose will probly just cheat on them or abuse them. when ever my parrents pass away im going to end my own life. its my life i will end it if i choose to do so. i would never hurt another person. its no ones fault but my own

[@hasanraheem5061]

Thank you, that was really helpfull.

[@holyoutcast2723]

Very good video I mean it

[@MrDank916]

This video just reminds me I need therapy

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

Oh damn, I feel like I might have this. But then again, I have been romantically rejected pretty much all my life, and job wise a couple of times. Friendship wise a couple of times too. I can get very depressed, hopeless and resentful too. I don't really initiate contact with people first at all, out of fear of rejection. But then again, if you have been rejected a lot and its not perceived but reality, is it really that difficult to understand why someone would develop something like this?

[@theadhdmind9419]

Very well explained! RSD is sooo common in ADHD. I thought I was the only one to feel that way. Now it all makes sense :)

[@hanneborcht7804]

Same, I have ADD and the first time I met a therapist I was so overstressed because I didn't know how to react and act because I am a people pleaser and didn't know how she wanted me to act.

[@cedricburkhart3738]

It sounds really horrible I can't imagine being soooo sensitive to criticism I get yelled and and called an idiot about every work day.🤷‍♂️ I don't know how I would handle it if I couldn't take criticism.

[@aaronmann9442]

Me too

[@lgamble]

@@cedricburkhart3738 Please leave that job. You don’t need to be treated that way!

[@cedricburkhart3738]

@@lgamble Well I have been here for 4 years now so I think I can handle it besides I don't know what else I would do.🤷‍♂️ I was never good in school. I can't really spell and I'm really bad at math.

[@wildmangeorgesrcchannel6916]

iv been rejected by every woman iv tried to date. my entire life. i dont blame women. i know its my fault. i dont care about having the hottest woman around, looks mean nothing to me. i know a girlfriend isnt going to fall into my lap. so to speak. i have put in the effort and it always results in rejection. i dont need revenge. i know that who ever they do choose will probly just cheat on them or abuse them. when ever my parrents pass away im going to end my own life. its my life i will end it if i choose to do so. i would never hurt another person. its no ones fault but my own

[@YaGotdamBoi]

Shoutout to my neurodivergent peeps, who else feels this?!

[@antivert]

Heyyy for real, it’s so hard to be around people!

[@sf3testvids]

Often... too often...

[@GhostHuntsman]

Me.

[@patrickcummins79]

Are you Chelsea Wolfe? (Look up her music, my comment will make sense later)

[@lizzzarduh]

What is neurodivergent?

[@smooth_pursuit]

This happens in the stupidest places, like not being able to return a shopping item... as if it’s personal smh

[@tarap.m2376]

I FEEL THIS! i always dread going to new places, interviews, etc, because i’m afraid of getting lost or being judged for something small, like me not understanding a question, etc. It’s debilitating 😩

[@sarahg2653]

Dude. I'm the same way. I walk on eggshells feeling as if I'm putting other people out. I could be served the complete wrong meal at a restaurant and I won't return it. I just eat it and smile. My fiance, god love him, will sometimes intervene for me in situations such as that.

[@sammythehamster9093]

I feel the same way too it's hard for me to have conversation with anyone for fear they will start attacking me. I worked in number of customer service roles it's horrible the customer can be rude and expected an answer now. Main problem is not getting enough sleep since commute is very long. Last job was in Admin with telephone call taking. There one bad call which I was signed off for month. The company offers counselling which helped and I use mental health app to manage my anxiety. Pandemic made anxiety worse not helping by my nephew staying over for 5-6 days, waking me up in mornings constant talking. This proof his parents are too stupid to look after me. I want to say something but worried of facing backclash. Like expected of me to bottle my emotions till I explode. We all have limits. Reached the point there are moments I feel sucidal. I was on medication for me sleep only for short term and has nasty side effects. Lack of sleep plus stress affects my skin as whatever you feel on inside shows up on outside. I hope to move away far away from my toxic unhelpful family.

[@jacobmarshall5391]

@@sammythehamster9093 what mental health app are you using. I didn't know that there were such things. It seems like something I might could benefit from, or at least check it out, and see what it's all about.

[@chrissimon4434]

Here I thought I was the only one😆😂

[@euricequeen842]

I honestly can't handle rejection very well. I don't recover quickly. I wish i did.

[@Katimorton]

You're not alone.. it's very common, and I hope some of the tips offered in the video are helpful :) xoxox

[@Lindie231]

​@@Katimorton This was incredibly helpful. I've never felt so... seen and understood. thank you so much. @EuRice Queen, I am the exact same way and didn't realize what it was till now

[@cedricburkhart3738]

I can handle rejection why am I difrent? Was it because my parents loved me? I think criticism hurts me if it's from someone I really care about and respect.🤔 It can make me feel sad ashamed and afraid and even angry. Well I feel angry more if I don't feel it was a fair criticism. If I think it's fair I kinda feel sad and ashamed.

[@timothypuvogel5468]

@@Katimorton I have a question for you keri..but not about this..where can I write you? Serious question..ty keri..I enjoy your videos.

[@monroemadison3920]

Yup

[@DMills-un1tl]

She just nailed me. I worried that I was a narcissist because of my aversion to rejection. So much aversion that I haven’t dated in 9 years, don’t socialize, and over achieve at work so as not to be criticized. But narcissism doesn’t play out with my desire to help others and do animal rescue, etc. now this thing, where I tell myself I’m not good enough and avoid people as a result has a name RSD, hmmm 🤔

[@mandymcdorman705]

Watch out for overachieving at work. If you’re constantly outdoing your superiors, you could be in for a world of trouble. Bosses are often insecure too, and they want to feel like they deserve their role. Anyone who threatens their security is going to be tossed aside. I’ve had firsthand experience with this unfortunately. I didn’t realize what was happening until I left

[@TanvirSingh500]

If Your so worried about being a narcissist that you haven't dated in 9 years, Then Your Definetly not a narcissist hun. Your more of an Empath instead, the opposite of a narcissist. Maybe Narcissists in your life have gaslighted you to believe you are a narcissist.

[@beautifulspacesllc]

OMG SAME

[@TanvirSingh500]

@@beautifulspacesllc Your not a narcissist either then, your more of an Empath as well most likely. I encourage you to read about what an Empath is to see if you're one.

[@veganmeditations]

I feel EXACTLY the same! I've avoided social situations or moving up at work (just sticking to what I know and really doing the best work I can so as not to get criticized). And that's awesome you do animal rescue! That's my passion too :)

[@gdcompton1920]

Funny this should pop up as I'm laying on my bed, trying to parent myself through a (perceived?) rejection scenario. I was emotionally neglected and abused in my younger years, up into early adulthood. Rejection, feeling I've fallen short in any aspect and disappointing people is excruciatingly painful and difficult for me. I am a recovering people pleaser. Thankfully I have a therapy appointment on Friday. 😐

[@wigglytoast]

i feel this all too well 🥺 you got this! 💕

[@nala9750]

Same I felt this way just this weekend and this morning I felt I've let everyone down, and that I'm just not good enough, it is extrememly painful and difficult and I didn't know RSD was a thing until now, So i guess this video was meant for me to see. makes me feel abit better that I'm not losing it, and I just have a lot of pain about something somewhere and I'm not seeing it.

[@williamrayburn5314]

Good luck on your journey, be well. 🙂

[@yousraabdelrahman4548]

I think I resonate with this as I was bullied a lot in school, my family weren't bad at all so I think the only place this stems from is school, kindergarten specifically

[@cassandrayazzie6444]

Recovering people pleaser here and I am living for my therapy sessions nowadays. I feel so hurt from the rejection I’m going through that I actually contemplate running away from everyone and if I could, myself as well. 😔 We will continue on this healing journey. ♥️

[@GK-qc5ry]

I didn't know that RSD was linked to a fear of failure. I always have lots of self doubt as to whether I can deliver in a promotion and a fear of failure prevents me applying.

[@colonelb]

One thing that can also help with that (I have RSD as well) - is in the case of something like a new job: If you do nothing, you "won't get the job" - so if you try for it, you'll either still "not get the job" or "get the job" - so your situation will either stay the same or get better, it won't get worse (you already don't have the job if you don't try) It's normal to think that the cost of doing nothing is zero, but doing nothing has a cost too, it just may not be as obvious or immediate

[@ranc1977]

Discovery of RSD is the same as decoding DNA genome. We will know exactly what is problem, what to look at, what to fix . as oppose to listen to faulty CBT which "explains" that our mind is sick and abnormal.

[@marileadufresne9092]

Kati: Most of us can recover from rejection quickly. Me: Wait, what????

[@lauragadille3384]

Yes rejection hurts, when all of your life you've been rejected by family, friends, jobs, etc.

[@jclyntoledo]

Yes I always contributed it to my abandonment issues and social anxiety (not disorder) issues

[@Boudicaisback]

One time I got denied a job at an interview because I "looked to depressed "

[@lauragadille3384]

@@Boudicaisback Don't feel alone, I looked too desperate.

[@Boudicaisback]

@Icewulf the worst part is this was for a fast food restaurant. Yeah I was depressed and I was trying really hard to hide it

[@VictoriaWonders]

yes it leaves you on social beneifts

[@BraeburnTV]

My father showed zero interest in us as kids, and I think that’s caused a lot of this kind of thing in my adult life. I always seem to be hyper vigilant about friends and family disowning me. In social situations, I act like a total extroverted comedian, trying to make everyone laugh so they’ll like me. It’s exhausting but I can’t seem to help it. And when I perceive someone doesn’t value me, I always have to fight the urge to cut that relationship off before they hurt me. It’s like “ILL do the walking away, not them.” But it’s bullshit. LoL. Christ my brain! Thanks for the video, I always just referred to it as “fear of abandonment” but this is a little more specific.

[@ashleyarias7444]

Every rejection or perceived rejection feels like a death with all the grief of a serious loss every single time no matter how big or small the rejection is. Then you get extremely pissed off at your brain for not being capable of reacting “normally” to rejection and not being able to brush it off like neurotypical people. So much grief, pain, and anger

[@MrBungle900]

I lived my life with the belief that if I didn’t try, I wouldn’t feel the pain of rejection or failure. This kept me safe and small and invisible and in deep emotional pain. Only realising that the pain was there to tell me something I really needed to hear. It’s not been easy and it still stings but trying new things and failing has been enormously helpful for me. Rejection or perceived rejection from others though - that’s still crippling. I still have no friends and spend every evening alone. I would love to change this one day and have genuine social interactions with people that care about me. Huge love to all my fellow RSD sufferers out there. 🙌✨♥️

[@colonelb]

I've had this too - I was in my late 30s before I was diagnosed with ADHD, RSD, and Autism Spectrum Disorder, and in some ways it was a HUGE relief and things like all the things I avoided made a ton of sense. But, one thing that seems to happen as you get older (I'm in my mid 40s now) is that at SOME point, the regret of "all the things I didn't do" gets to be larger than the fear of "what if I fail" and that sucks in one way but also is motivating in another, sort of a "hell, I've wasted half my life being afraid, am I going to waste the other half too?" Hell, that's why I'm even writing you back right now TBH, but you start building a tiny bit of momentum in that direction, baby steps, and it gets easier.

[@barbaramartinscorreamarque3494]

Sending love to you Edward. ❤

[@ranc1977]

@@colonelb "diagnosed with ADHD, RSD" RSD is not diagnosis.

[@ranc1977]

Yep. We are told via CBT that our thoughts are sick and abnormal - and that we must fix our thinking. What happens in reality - is that with this CBT "advice" we destroy our self worth and create severe personality disorder because we think deep down our character is abnormal. CBT must be banned and those in authority must go to prison for misdiagnosis and keeping RSD away from light. Social anxiety is still being explained away as disorder. Nobody connects it with RSD. just check wikipedia or random google web pages or 99 percent of you tube videos.

[@miss_aery]

Basically everything Kati said, applies to me. But the more I investigate the issue, the more I think, that my fear of rejection or failure isn't the main thing, its more about the way people interact with me. It's the fear to be subject to someones anger or aggression, someone being mean or abusive. If someone rejects me in an nice and honest way I actually don't have a huge problem.

[@vlst8715]

Very good point! When someone rejects or criticizes me politely or neutrally, I don't think I really care about it much at all. Because I know I can fix my shortcomings. Don't care about praise either. But the constant irrational toxicity is what eventually made me isolate myself from the outside world. Isolation is like a mental hygiene for me, it has improved my well-being, but then sometimes I witness someone else being abused for some petty reason and it declines again. So my guess is it may not be all about self-worth issues either.

[@baronsengir187]

With me it does not matter how it is framed. Polite or otherwhise. It does not even have to be a "real" rejection. Just picking up a phone during a movie, watched together, can cause me to cancel all social gatherings with unrelated people for a few weeks because it stresses and tires me out that much...The closer i am to that person the worse it gets so i tend to not let anybody close enough for a deep relationship which causes lonlyness. Vicious circle.

[@ranc1977]

Excellent comment.

[@ranc1977]

@@vlst8715 Yep. Because those of us who fawn - we are already doing everything possible to avoid errors. We go to extra measures which 99 percent of people would never do ever. We make sure with time limit and money aspect and our space to please other people - and when people do not have ability to see that we have done everything to make their life comfortable - the real fault lies in egocentric people who are spoiled. Like theme in Preminger movie from 1958 "Bonjour trisstess"

[@justbecause9219]

I have this and when I am going through it, death feels like the only way out of the intense pain. P.S. I was diagnosed Asperger at a later age (female).

[@kelleyrobles1961]

I am more confused than ever. My “symptoms” overlap with so many different disorders. How tf do I get help if I and my drs, can’t figure out what is actually wrong with me?

[@loueejackson6189]

Are you seeing psychiatrists? To get an actual diagnosis? Or psychologists? To talk through the issues you face and get strategies?

[@kelleyrobles1961]

@@loueejackson6189 yes. I’ve seen a few. I’m just trying to research myself now because I’ve been misdiagnosed too many times.

[@saul2491]

If you are missing social skills all your life no drug will teach you

[@BallisticTomato]

I've been extremely hesitant to get involved with romance at all because of my utterly distracting negative view of myself. I feel like no one could possibly think of me in a romantic or sexual way. It distracted me for years and every day I found myself saying "No one wants you, no one wants you." I also experience rejection anxiety when it comes to job opportunities. Are these seemingly isolated cases enough to look more into RSD?

[@chrissimon4434]

I think so.. although I will say I’m no expert. But it seems like if the root cause of your unwillingness to start a relationship or get a job is due to a fear of rejection combined with a negative self image it definitely sounds like RSD

[@gail9566]

As a woman with an avoidant personality, ADD and RSD I'm absolutely guilty of dating or talking online with nice men then ghosting when I painfully consider all my shortcomings and predict the complete failure of the burgeoning relationship. I cant stand the notion that I will turn out to be an utter disappointment and someone I care about will see me as I believe I am.

[@onepieceguy2659]

I feel exactly the same dude. You described it so well. I'm 25 now and the thing I want most in life is a healthy relationship. When I was 17 I was deeply rejected by my best friend, I really loved her. After I did tell her this the third time, the friendship was broken. All the guilt I have felt, it was so hard to be rejected 3 times by a person who did know me so well. Now it's 8 years in the past and I feel exactly the same. I think that its not possible to love me. I really think that. My friends tell me otherwise but it didn't help my constant fear of rejection. Maybe it is true that nobody can love u when u don't love yourself I realise that now, Monday I will call a therapist. Maybe they can help me, I'm so sick of being lonely and love deprived

[@onepieceguy2659]

I feel exactly the same dude. You described it so well. I'm 25 now and the thing I want most in life is a healthy relationship. When I was 17 I was deeply rejected by my best friend, I really loved her. After I did tell her this the third time, the friendship was broken. All the guilt I have felt, it was so hard to be rejected 3 times by a person who did know me so well. Now it's 8 years in the past and I feel exactly the same. I think that its not possible to love me. I really think that. My friends tell me otherwise but it didn't help my constant fear of rejection. Maybe it is true that nobody can love u when u don't love yourself I realise that now, Monday I will call a therapist. Maybe they can help me, I'm so sick of being lonely and love deprived

[@KingJellyfishII]

I'm scared that KZbin recommended this to me... I think it knows me better than I do