Kismet | Ep. 4" Older Child Foster Care Adoption"

[@princesse0920]

How could they just throw their daughter away like that? I understand being hurt, but by pushing her away, you made her crave love and attention from her abuser. And you proved her suspicions right. That you only loved her if she said the right thing.

[@EBlack2011]

The parts that hurt me the most is when she said her parents wouldn’t say they loved her. There are things an adult child can do to cause an estrangement of the relationship but to love and to express that love is non-negotiable.

[@mysticmysteries8678]

Shelby, this is a fantastic and enlightening series you've put together. I wish every prospective foster/adoptive parent would sit down and watch these videos, as they capture the rawness and reality of these complex and unique situations, compared to the hundreds of 'happily ever after' 5-minute adoption compilations you usually see. Thank you! My heart breaks for Crystal - you can see the pain and confusion within her. It seems like a very difficult situation. I can absolutely understand the adoptive parents wanting to protect her and keep her away from those who hurt her, but I really wonder if finding a 'happy medium' (ex: short, supervised visits with bio-mom) would have prevented her from seeking the unknown. I just feel like there was a bit of (unintended) selfishness as a result of not fully understanding what unresolved trauma looks like, as what Crystal did seems quite natural - looking for answers, closure, and completeness. I know MULTIPLE adopted individuals who did very similar things in early adulthood. I do applaud this family for their willingness to share such a personal story. While the past cannot be changed, videos like these can help others in similar situations. Thank you again, Shelby! I know this video is from years ago, but I hope Crystal has been able to find peace and doesn't blame herself.

[@shelbyredfieldkilgore]

Thank you so much for watching. I was incredibly honored to be able to share such an impactful and vulnerable story and I hope it will help others in their journeys, as well.

[@janellemargot4376]

Patrick is a good brother. He told her the truth. It wasnt pretty but she needed to know.

[@chicletlux]

This was very hard to watch. I feel for the daughter who it seems like was let down by both her biological and adoptive families. I hope she is doing well and learns to know she is enough and that there should be no conditions one has to meet to receive love. Best wishes for her and her own child.

[@smisplacedalaskan1762]

There is a lot of truth in your story. Thank you all for sharing.

[@cindychudley1913]

You are an incredible couple.

[@Bay501]

Not everybody comes emotionally equipped to deal with trauma exposed children. It is important to give adoptive and foster parents the training to develop these skills.

[@shelbyredfieldkilgore]

Bay501 this is why it’s imperative for hopeful foster and adoptive parents to do the work prior to opening their home to truly understand what these children need and if they can provide that. I hope you’ll check out my series, Beyond Biological.

[@shannamedley1789]

Thanks for sharing this raw story! Praying for the family to be reunited

[@theresajuranek9782]

It's normal for a foster child/adopted child to want to know about their family. I understand that it hurts the adoptive parents when the child is starting to look for their birth family, but my opinion is that they should completely support their child in that search even though they know that the child might get disappointed. They have to know where they come from and what their roots are. So I don't think she has to ask them for their forgiveness for wanting to connect with her birth family.

[@sahdi2910]

100% agree. We told our adopted kids from day one, whenever, if ever they want to meet and have relationship with their biological parents again, we would support it. I would want to know who i came from..i think its natural. Parents are supposed to be all about doing for the children for their happiness..not the other way around.

[@juliadoula1104]

the Girl has all Rights to surch for her birthfamilie to try to solve the broken parts in her, it is a pitty that her adoptive Familie didnt help her ant forced her to choose, thats no unconditional love. if you adopt a child, you should know one day your child (if you dont force the opposite) will try to connect with her roots. you are so strong, you will find your way, and realise that you dont Need anyone but yourself to be whole

[@shelbyredfieldkilgore]

Thank you so much for watching their story. I am very grateful each of them were able to talk so openly about what they were feeling, how they reacted, and what led them to come back together. I believe it is never the best course of action to cut someone off in their family, because of something they feel strongly against, even if it comes from a place of trying to protect them from getting hurt again. On the other hand I realize how her parents felt is very normal. I think it's important for adoptive parents to understand that no matter what their child may want to search, and even though that may hurt their feelings, and they believe it will only further hurt their child in the end, it's important to not react in a way that prevents them from finding who they are, but to support them in any way they can. Through this family's story, we were able to see how devastating it was for all of them when contact was cut off. So I hope if any family is in a similar situation, that the parents will take a step back, acknowledge how they feel, not take their child's action personally, and help them, rather than stand in the way of their child's path to answer questions they feel they need to find out, in order to find their full self and find healing.

[@hannahaudreyyy]

@@shelbyredfieldkilgore 💯💯💯 this. I wish that the daughter wasn’t made to feel guilty about learning where she came from. It’s completely normal to have these questions whether there was abuse or not. And the child has every right to know their history (maybe leaving out small things til it’s age appropriate). I’m personally interested in adopting from foster care in the near future. Watching these videos from this channel has been very educational and enjoyable for me. While researching to be as informed as I can be, I am learning about what to do but also what NOT to do. I definitely think these parents have good intentions, it’s still sad to see that the love wasn’t 100% unconditional. Obviously I haven’t experienced their hurt myself so may be I would not handle things as well as they did. But I would love to support my child in their search for identity. But also set them up for realistic expectations of what they could find and be there for them whether that information hurts them or not. ❤️❤️❤️ all the love and healing to the adoptees and parties involved

[@shelbyredfieldkilgore]

@@hannahaudreyyy thank you so much for watching my work. I hope you’ll check out my complete series, Beyond Biological. Episode two really explores the impact of trauma, guided by a trauma therapist.

[@ramonam8577]

Even biological children can break your heart.

[@user-cy4vw1qj9m]

I know the adopted parents put in all the hard work but this young woman was very mixed up and I feel they wanted perfection. My children are all married but the teenage years were hard as I was parenting on my own due to being widowed so it was hard.

[@lauraroberts8879]

It is not a slap in the face when adopted children look for and reconnect on some level. Reasons vary...curiosity, to see if they've changed are normal reasons. It doesn't mean they are not appreciative or do not love you.

[@MountainOrbs]

Wow if your adoption parents, you are for life. Those parents should be ashamed there excuse is just mental games. Poor girl..

[@user-cy4vw1qj9m]

Sound just like mine when they were teenagers.

[@peacefulheart9228]

does not feel like they are truly acting like biological parents as you can't disown them when they do something stupid. And of course she wants to meet her biological parents - and should not be considered an afront to the adoptive parents.

[@mikewrasman5103]

Adoptees should NOT be able to find their 'biological' parents. Period. End of discussion. They will have a world of hurt. She betrayed het adoptive parents.

[@shelbyredfieldkilgore]

I have to completely disagree with you. As an adoptee myself it is completely natural for adoptees to want to find their roots, to want to find the answers to their burning questions and have clarity and truth even if it hurts. I hope you’ll watch my other videos, where you’ll see other adoptees seeking to find answers to where they came from. It’s a part of the healing process for many adoptees.