This 7-second test exposes a 'Christian' Narcissist

[@Kris_Reece]

FREE Narcissist Survival Guide krisreece.com/narcissist-survival-guide/

[@annep.1905]

@@davidjacobs828 Psychology was started by an atheist. It was developed by Communist countries and imported into America to undermine churches and Scripture. Stick with the Bible.

[@kathidori8504]

You are very far away from reality.​@davidjacobs828

[@danielblair4413]

What if society is wrong about something, should we submit to that?

[@koltoncrane3099]

We already had a nation wide test on narcissists. Those that demanded you wear a face mask and used their position to feel powerful really showed tons of narcissists. It was easily shown how many narcissists exists in tons of videos of guys wearing a face mask that had their beard on the mask. Women would yell at them to wear a mask and then he’d pull the mask down revealing he had a mask on and the woman looked insane. Tons of narcissists love having power over their neighbor and even strangers. Doug Casey said there’s two types of people in this world. There are those that want to build things and there are those that want to control others and most of those go into government.

[@ryvyr]

In mutual consideration, plenty people would watch the non-adsense if at front/back/both rather than interrupting the video. That aside, narcissism is unfortunate for everyone. I do wish people would lean on confrontational techniques your mention, rather than interpretive mythology, though progress and less harm to society and self is all many people ask.

[@57andstillkicking]

My mother told me that I was useless and that there was no point in me living because I have a chronic physical illness. My sister explained to me that my mother said that because she was concerned for me. After years of that kind of behavior, I decided to go no contact.

[@chrisazure1624]

My ex would get rabid if I didn't give in to everything she wanted. Even a financial difficulty would be met with an argumentative response.

[@bertroost1675]

Forgive her face to face, tell her you know she couldn't help it, and then move on.

[@ChristopherB417]

Bertroost1675 is right. You need to forgive your mother and show compassion for her. This does not mean that you accept her abusive behavior. I know from experience.

[@NinjaMaxHaven13]

@@57andstillkicking no normal mom says that to her kid. You deserve to live and I'm proud of you for going to contact. Continue living your life with happiness and love

[@57andstillkicking]

@@NinjaMaxHaven13 Thank you!

[@Harleylovinchelley1]

This really good advice. Be warned, if you manage to make it clear you will no longer be used by that narcissist, they may become vindictive. Since you no longer allow being used they will have resentment toward you. So they might start a whispering campaign against you, convincing others you have a problem.

[@kaythegardener]

Some respond with physical or financial abuse to you or your children!! Get good legal advice first. You are in a long term campaign to free yourself, not just a battle or two!!

[@ginasmitasin479]

This was the straw that broke the camels back with one of my sisters ( a marriage and family therapist ). She wanted me to drive our elderly mother to Victoria Canada from Oregon (6 hours by car) to visit her. I told her I did not want to be trapped for more than an hour because then the ranting and raving would start about how I had been so mean to our youngest sister when I went nc decades ago. She asked again and I said no. Eventually the nc sister took mother to Canada. Therapist sister told the family I’d fallen off a ladder on purpose to get out of the trip. Nope, I’ve always been clumsy. Finding out she was lying about me and diagnosing me was it. Haven’t spoken to her since Nov. 9, 2016…her birthday. She moved to Canada so she wouldn’t have to help with our mother…like all but one of our older sisters.

[@robynw6307]

If you and narcissist don't orbit in the same crowd, then don't worry about it. As I've said to my narcissistic daughter - "Tell your community whatever you like about me. I don't care. I don't know them, and never will".

[@lilaccilla]

EXACTLY what happened to me .

[@brc8149]

@@Harleylovinchelley1 that happened to my sister and her kiddos 😔

[@billieross1126]

My favorite? When my mother stood in MY living room and screamed, “because I’m the matriarch of this family!” And followed it up with, “I never wanted to have all you kids. I just couldn’t keep from getting pregnant.” Thanks, mom. That’s my cue. I’ve been no contact ever since.

[@cloudbase7799]

OI! 😮 We can't choose our families. I hope you find healing from those hurtful and false words, and can forgive your Mom, and _maybe_ one day carefully build a relationship with her, built on mutual/reciprocal love and respect, with appropriate boundaries. Oh, and if someone has to make assertions like, "I'm the matriarch!" or "I'm the leader!", etc., they almost definitely aren't! 🤭 I'm close friends of children in a family where their Mom made a similar comment about never wanting children. 🤦🏻‍♂️ I know that is deeply hurtful.

[@Victor-q9]

My sister in law says she wears the crown....I'm assuming she is referring to matriarch...

[@lindabeauchamp4596]

So sorry. What a horrible thinv to say to her own children. She didn't deserve to have you. You can have an amazingling wonderful life WITHOUT her in it!

[@gregrobbins3840]

I imagine her standing on the coffee table while she says this.

[@stoicepictetus3875]

Wow. I can understand your action. What was your mother thinking when she said that ?

[@computersciencemore8960]

"I cant agree to that" or "Im not ok with that" is powerful because its so much easier to say than "No"

[@StarCoded]

Also, they're complete sentences -- plus, they start with "I" and not the accusatory "You / you're". Counsellors always impress the importance of using "I" statements -- including with children (e.g., "I have a sore bruise" instead of "You bit me") - assuming we're genuine and not in narc. victimhood mode, of course.

[@PaulCoyJR]

@@computersciencemore8960 "That doesn't work for me, brother. " -- the only positive thing Hulk Hogan has contributed to the conversation

[@honeybadgerisme]

😂-I'm just rude. My fav to say is (form knife hands, here) and say, "not gonna happen."

[@aisle_of_view]

Except, a Narc will keep you talking "What? What aren't you OK with?"

[@smoothlyamusing]

@@aisle_of_view exactly where no can't be argued with

[@decimanightelf4135]

Narcissists are terrifying. As soon as you realize you are dealing with a narcissist try and minimize interaction with them as much as possible. Defend yourself and do what is necessary to protect yourself, but don’t try to take them on otherwise, you will always lose because they just don’t care.

[@13699111]

%100 terrifying

[@sablechicken]

Agree, I felt a little confused by this video. I thought this was a test for a new person to see if they would be safe to have in one's life. But it was more for people already established in it. If that is the case...why set them off? I just don't fight anymore, there is no point. Things can only quickly become full of nonsense with lots of gaslighting and I always lose, there is nothing to gain or any understanding to be had. I am now beginning to realize that going to Jesus is the best friendship I can find.

[@corathurber7499]

Yup. And Canada is being led by one! Talk about having to control the triggers! 😅 I can't help but be incredulous that people don't see it! And how his party acts like narcissistic abuse victims! They are in the "totally aware of the HUGE mistake they made but are trying to deny it!" stage! But you can't. Deny it. Or everybody dies. At least while my narcissist is running things. 😢

[@d.carpenter7519]

T-1000 tone and demeanor, verbal judo, fogger statements, and a smile and head tilt when they lose it helps too.

[@ShepherdsOfTruth]

@@sablechicken Best test in the beginning is to simply say NO to whom you are testing. A Narc can't handle being told NO! Create space where you are setting boundaries and making choices FOR YOU. Where you sit, what to watch, what to eat, etc.. these are easy date setting choices that will tell you a lot.

[@oliviamerrick9256]

1) boundaries threaten their sense of superiority and need for admiration “I can’t agree to that” After they push back, say “It seems like you’re only focused on your needs and not mine” 2) Challenge their lies “Can you explain why your version of the story contradicts what actually happened?” 3) Refuse to enable toxic behavior “Why do you expect me to prioritize your needs over mine even when it hurts me?” GREAT VIDEO

[@BillGreenAZ]

Great points! Another thing I like to say is "I'm OK with you disagreeing with me." It sets them off because it lets them know I'm not going to put up with their attempts at control.

[@Amm6ie]

thank you! i was hoping someone would type it out like this!!

[@clannlove7400]

@@BillGreenAZ That is a fantastic comeback! I also think that statement shows the narcissist a person's maturity and strength, which they already hate.

[@tungstenanderson5991]

My fave is " I would do it for you" even though they didn't, wouldn't and never have. The hand is always out.

[@angking95]

THISSSSSS

[@Crazychickenlady448]

Yeah, this!

[@RMBlake007]

I have someone in my life that does amazing, generous, and kind things for people she doesn't know. But rarely for a family member....even the ones that come to her rescue time & time again. So yes, this person wouldn't hesitate to use the "I'd do it for you", even though it's likely they would find every excuse in the world why they have never, or can't in the future....

[@tungstenanderson5991]

@@RMBlake007 It's all to maintain an outward appearance.

[@RMBlake007]

@@tungstenanderson5991 Yes, I agree...

[@isomeme]

I'm not a Christian, but I decided to watch this anyway, because I've had problems setting boundaries with narcissists my whole life. I'm glad I did; this seems like some really solid advice. Thanks!

[@AndrewBlucher]

@@isomeme Congrats on keeping away from that god feller. Total narcissist and bully. No wonder so many so called Christians are the same.

[@laurawillatt6508]

Give your life to jesus you will never regret it. Jesus has really helped me heal from narcissist parents. Even showed me it! Had no idea my mum was one. Just wondered all my life why she didnt love me and acted the way she did. I honestly thought the entire time am i the only one who see this??? Was very confusing and hurtful growing up. Im no contact now for about 4 months

[@CJ-dt5mh]

i encourage you to read the gospels of Mark, Matthew, Luke & especially John (my favorite). Jesus can help you like no one else. HIs words are eternal & His love is boundless. He is alive & well. He really loves you! He's the BEST!! btw, i'm sorry if i'm coming across "pushy" that's not my intention, just sharing who helped me out of love for my neighbor. Have a great day ❤

[@AndrewBlucher]

@@isomeme I wonder why my previous comment was removed?

[@isomeme]

Thank you both for your heartfelt recommendations. I am on another path called Thelema which has transformed my life just as Christianity has yours. May all of us find life and joy. 💜

[@RubeeRoja]

Completely blanking out and singing Happy Birthday in my head is it going to be the most amazing gray rock strategy I've ever used.

[@kerriganm]

Yes! GRAY ROCK till the cows come home, baby!

[@PeachesandMoss]

I haven’t heard this and am going to use it too.

[@kathydurow6814]

You're depriving the narcissist from their supply of misery watching. 😊 Enjoy (but not so they can tell you're doing that).

[@tungstenanderson5991]

It's really a good way of taking yourself out of reacting and engaging with them when you feel like you need to speak up to defend yourself. They will often neg ( saying horrible terrible things to you that aren't true) just to keep the conversation going. There is nothing you can say that will change them, they just want to keep you in the loop. Letting go and understanding this takes some work but ultimately you know they have zero credibility and their words mean nothing more than some random bum on the street yelling things to you that you couldn't be bothered to react to anyway.

[@AbbyLeFleur]

@@RubeeRojaYes. I've learned to do this after living with a narcissistic roommate. She acts friendly and all and wants us to be BFF but as an INTJ, I'm not like that. So I've learned to be as uninteresting as I can be

[@messiahmatrix]

20 years of lies, gaslighting, rage, bullying, pretending to be a victim, obsessing with himself. I thought you were bros, there was always an excuse to break me down, make himself look great. I’m praying to God that I can heal from bitterness.

[@kyrareneeLOA]

Sometimes.. I see them as two year old children,.. stuck in that immature tantrum phase... When I see them as little kids, it takes their power over me away. ..

[@ApostleOfGod8862]

I'm sorry you went through all that. But praying to God is the right idea, because He can take the garbage we suffer and turn it into something that helps other people. I went through similar things in my childhood, but the Lord healed my heart and helped me to forgive, and even reach out in love to my abusers. Understand that people like that rarely turn to the Lord, and if you could see what happens to them after this life is done, you wouldn't be able to help but feel extreme pity for them. It is beyond horrible - worse than we can conceive. So keep in mind that justice delayed is not justice denied. But for you - your inner healing lies with Jesus Christ. He healed my wife in her heart, He healed my heart, and He has healed many others. Jeremiah 29: 11-14a. You are in a prison from the pain and anger. Jesus has the keys you need. I know from experience, and I hope you believe me, seek Him, and find out for yourself.

[@Nancy-u2j6z]

I was in a prison of anger and emotional pain for 45 years until they passed away. The narcissist has flying monkeys so I cover myself in the armor of God.

[@danielalovejesus7912]

I'm supporting you in prayer brother

[@Sorchia56]

You can! I believe in you, believe in yourself. Holding on to bitterness is exactly what they want. Let it go. Living YOUR best life is what God wants for you and is so freeing! I’m praying for you 🙏💚 You’ve seen the light and that’s the hardest part. You haven’t lost been wasting your time, you were hopeful that the behaviour would change for the better by sticking around. That makes you human and a phenomenal person with a beautiful heart. Now it’s time to nurture YOUR beautiful heart and shining soul by moving forward and not looking back. Blessings to you!

[@briandrake6881]

Set boundaries. Bullies hate boundaries.

[@TMoniq]

Especially when they don't know your business they be so upset and visibly angry.

[@lazygardens]

The people who get upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having them.

[@RoxanneR8375]

When I finally set boundaries with my narcissist, he just ignored them. Completely. And because of circumstances beyond my control, there was nothing I could do about it.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad ignored my boundaries my last birthday, he was late and did not have a reason or apology for being late; he was entitled (he thought) to do this and I am not allowed to complain. He's a tyrant. I am 60, and don't live with him; he's a jerk.

[@AnnAndNala]

Yep. Boundaries are like garlic to a vampire. lol 🧛

[@dominique7490]

Why do you expect me to prioritize your needs over my own even when it hurts me? That question is worth all of the money in the world. Thank you Kris. ❤

[@stevemargolis5514]

@@dominique7490 once I learn the happy birthday theory and get it down Pat to where it works I'm going to throw that prioritize your needs over mine all the time theory question to my wife. What a blessed year this is going to be... Thank you Chris and also those that reply with what they've learned and are going through it really helps God bless you all ...

[@stevemargolis5514]

The only reason I just said that was because before I read the happy birthday theory I have already made up my mind this year I am going to leave, end the misery. But after singing happy birthday to myself four times last night and seeing how it worked the light went on. I have hope. God hates divorce and so do I but I'm sure he did not expect to people to live together like we have the last 23 years.

[@maylin1986]

​​@@stevemargolis5514 The one thing that helped me to get a divorce is "What Would Jesus Do?" This epiphany happened when I was looking online at relationship videos online. I came across a comment, I forget where. I know I did a screenshot of the comment on my phone, I just don't know where I stored the screenshot of the comment. Anyway, reading the comment was a breath of fresh air. I don't remember verbatim, but that your oath is to "love the other person, until death do you part." But getting heartbroken is a form of death. It's not a death of the person, but it's a death of the love that's now broken with the other person. If your heart breaks, it's because you feel cheated in some way. That's your hearts cue to alerting your heart has been betrayed. Could be by them, you or both. Both could be, not necessarily something you'd take necessarily at fault, as intentionally done. But you can gullibly betray what would've been best for you in this lifetime. In your instance though, your heart was betrayed by someone that sounds covert in their endeavors to have captured you, in terms of marriage. Divorce is sad, but God is of Love and love is of God. He wouldn't want his daughter with a disgenuine person. If you were to switch places and say, have a daughter in the same boat as you, would you tell your daughter to remove herself from such a person? In a heartbeat you sure would! You can always repent from divorcing someone you thought you knew in order to find that ultimate match God has waiting for you on the other side of those divorce papers. But you will be filled from so much regret and more anger, if you stick with someone you know is not right for you the rest of your life. It took 6yrs for the anger and heartache to go away from my very first marriage. I was told by a friend, they're pretty sure I had married an narcissist. It wasn't until 6yrs later, post divorce, I found out I'm also on the Autism Spectrum. I stayed in the marriage, just over 7yrs. I decided I wanted the divorce. I found out he re-married again in that time frame. He's actually happy now. Because we married too young. Albeit he was 3yrs older than me, we were still too young. I always tell kids, get that psychology 101 class in at a college, even if you do not plan to go to college to get a degree. Learn to protect yourselves, young and fresh out of high school. There are people who's been out in the world a lot longer than us, and therefore, you have a greatest chance of running into people who could do more damage to you, than good, if you're not entirely aware yet who you are. Had I known I was on the Autism Spectrum, I'd never had gotten married. But Autism awareness only started to be a thing in the past 15yrs or so. I ended up masking and didn't know. I'm sure that there were people who knew something was wrong with me, but refused to notify the right people, because it would've ruined the incentives for them. TLDR: Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to love you, how you want or should be loved as a human being. God wouldn't want that for you. I hope this was helpful. /hugs 💖✨️

[@maylin1986]

​@@stevemargolis5514​​​ The one thing that helped me to get a divorce is "What Would Jesus Do?" This epiphany happened when I was looking online at relationship videos online. I came across a comment, I forget where. I know I did a screenshot of the comment on my phone, I just don't know where I stored the screenshot of the comment. Anyway, reading the comment was a breath of fresh air. I don't remember verbatim, but that your oath is to "love the other person, until death do you part." But getting heartbroken is a form of death. It's not a death of the person, but it's a death of the love that's now broken with the other person. If your heart breaks, it's because you feel cheated in some way. That's your hearts cue to alerting your heart has been betrayed. Could be by them, you or both. Both could be, not necessarily something you'd take necessarily at fault, as intentionally done. But you can gullibly betray what would've been best for you in this lifetime. In your instance though, your heart was betrayed by someone that sounds covert in their endeavors to have captured you, in terms of marriage. Divorce is sad, but God is of Love and love is of God. He wouldn't want his daughter with a disgenuine person. If you were to switch places and say, have a daughter in the same boat as you, would you tell your daughter to remove herself from such a person? In a heartbeat you sure would! You can always repent from divorcing someone you thought you knew in order to find that ultimate match God has waiting for you on the other side of those divorce papers. But you will be filled from so much regret and more anger, if you stick with someone you know is not right for you the rest of your life. It took 6yrs for the anger and heartache to go away from my very first marriage. I was told by a friend, they're pretty sure I had married an narcissist. It wasn't until 6yrs later, post divorce, I found out I'm also on the Autism Spectrum. I stayed in the marriage, just over 7yrs. I decided I wanted the divorce. I found out he re-married again in that time frame. He's actually happy now. Because we married too young. Albeit he was 3yrs older than me, we were still too young. I always tell kids, get that psychology 101 class in at a college, even if you do not plan to go to college to get a degree. Learn to protect yourselves, young and fresh out of high school. There are people who's been out in the world a lot longer than us, and therefore, you have a greatest chance of running into people who could do more damage to you, than good, if you're not entirely aware yet who you are. Had I known I was on the Autism Spectrum, I'd never had gotten married. But Autism awareness only started to be a thing in the past 15yrs or so. I ended up masking and didn't know. I'm sure that there were people who knew something was wrong with me, but refused to notify the right people, because it would've ruined the incentives for them. TLDR: Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to love you, how you want or should be loved as a human being. God wouldn't want that for you. I hope this was helpful. /hugs 💖✨️

[@LadyIarConnacht]

Except that question is a trick. It leaves no room for the idea that perhaps the "narcissist" doesn't actually expect that. The idea that you can diagnose somebody in seven seconds is part of what's wrong between parents and children in this era.

[@MegaSinglechick]

Never stoop to a fools level. They'll beat you with experience every time.

[@suzannelee4270]

I LOOOOOVE this! I will be quoting haha!!

[@meabeck]

Thank you. Good reminder.

[@teresaellis7062]

What a great quote!

[@stoicepictetus3875]

Very well said.

[@LiveforHim73]

Great 2 liners!! Saving this ! Boundaries do work.

[@s.lew.2040]

I was just in a similar situation about a week ago with my best friend of over 40 years. He made a simple request of me and I said no thanks I'm good. I got yelled at, told to shut up, called petty. He told me that I would accuse him of gaslighting. I put in my ear buds and started singing in the car when I insisted he take me home, so he blasted the stereo. I guess he was mad I wouldn't argue with him. But he told me to shut up, so I did.😂 He has been told he should be a pastor because he is so kind hearted to others. He's a Dr. Jeckyll Mr. Hyde. Haven't spoken to him in over a week. Praying for strength. He'll never change. He's ALWAYS right.

[@chrisnixon9752]

He actually sounds like a pastor so they may be right. Rules for thee but not for me. When you're "called by God" you get to play by different rules than the regulars. And they'll pay him for it. Great response on your part well done!

[@julieaskingforafriend]

That's called being a covert narcissist. These people are amazing to the world at large, but absolute shits to one specific person.

[@samanthajeffers9339]

Hope you break that friendship off. Stay strong and good for you for not fighting back

[@bornagain2890]

There is an old saying. With friends like that, who needs enemies! In what part is "best" in the "best friend"??

[@honeybadgerisme]

@@katsato3118uhhh, you need to record somma dat! Hope you have wisdom in the situation and do not get physically harmed. Those switch flips are scary. Be careful.

[@janec1489]

I saw a good quote recently - 'Nobody gets to heaven by treating people like hell'

[@courtneyko1466]

And no one gets to heaven by treating people kindly. Only by the blood of Jesus.

[@wittlekitty3174]

@@courtneyko1466 that means literally nothing

[@RoxanneSwithin]

​@wittlekitty3174 it does actually. Are you a believer?

[@FatCs2Gaymer]

We are not saved by works, but grace, through faith in Christ Jesus, least any man should boast.

[@janec1489]

@FatCs2Gaymer James 2: 14-26 - faith without works is dead.

[@ninaerasmus6639]

I'm married to a narcissist for 55years and only realized it after listening to your program! I'm 76years and it's to late to do anything nou, but your advice helps me tremendously, thank you. Jesus was in all this years my navigator! I always gives my pain to Him and I love the LORD with all my heart!!!

[@marj03]

Wow❤. Am glad you have had Jesus Christ in your corner all this while. Am so proud of you Ma'am❤. Keep trusting Him.

[@sheriw4119]

I’ve been married too e for 44 years.

[@Rose4y]

Dear sister, you are a heroine! God bless you!

[@ninaerasmus6639]

@@marj03Thank-you

[@anonymous85953]

18 years for me, but it was necessary for me to get out.

[@tonygroves5526]

I once did this with a bad teacher from my kids' Christian school. She phoned me demanding that I volunteer to do something. I was waiting for major surgery and politely declined. She then tried guilt tripping, anger, manipulation to convince me to "volunteer" I then only repeated "that won't work for me." No explanation. She got extremely angry and slammed down the phone. I pulled my oldest daughter out of the school when she would've been taught by angry teacher, and homeschooled her. Angry teacher still won't even acknowledge me when we occasionally encounter each other. I always give her a BIG smile and say hello. The angry encounter probably happened in about 2006! 😂

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

That teacher tanks!

[@sofieweb]

Not all teachers at Christian Schools are Christians. I worked at one with narcissistic teachers ; also one pedophile woman who was later convicted and jailed.

[@mechez774]

Yea my narcissist parents pulled me out of school too because they had a disagreement with one of the administrators. I was top of my class getting offers from ivy league, but just ended up going to community college

[@HermannTheGreat]

@@mechez774 Your potential is still there.

[@No-ky3kb]

@@tonygroves5526 As an ex homeschooled kid, you were the true villain here. She was just immature.

[@hopelives7469]

Don't challenge them, test them or hope to change them. Stay away from them if you can. Never react. Stay calm and respond if you must rather than reacting. Disengage as soon as possible.

[@davidm4566]

Testing is just to see if they are a narcissist. Never tell them you know what they are when they are confirmed to be one.

[@CoachCreesh]

AMEN❤❤❤

[@briandrake6881]

Amen! Do not go to war with Narcs! They will drag you down to their demonic levels. WALK AWAY. Disengage emotionally in everyway.

[@Oakleylaurie]

I agree. Especially don't lead with a "you" message which can be read as criticism. Better to just talk about yourself in regard to your boundaries.

[@rwdchannel2901]

@@davidm4566 Grey Rock Method is the ultimate test to see if someone's a narcissist because a narcissist will double down on their abuse to get narcissistic supply.

[@johnguill6129]

I'm a retired Corrections Captain from a state prison. Security employees receive training on mental health issues every year. Although I retired eight years ago, these topics still fascinate me. The ways incarcerated felons (and occasionally fellow employees) think and behave will sometimes give little clues about themselves. Good information here. I'll have to watch more.

[@OnlyHuman214]

I’ve worked in mediation for decades and as a matter of practice, we always use “I-messages” rather than starting a question with a “you” - it comes across as accusatory and will trigger anyone - not just narcissists. For that reason, the question would not accurately identify a narcissist, just someone who is offended. I would rephrase the questions as something similar to “I feel that my needs aren’t a part of the focus right now. Is there a reason for that?” A true narcissist will respond negatively since they lack empathy. Just a suggestion to prevent use of words that trigger a potentially aggressive response that could create additional problems for the receiver.

[@sarahmiller662]

He'll say " your needs? You get your needs met. I'm not going to fight with you" and he walks off. What's that mean?

[@lindaenderson7998]

@@sarahmiller662 Or when you bring up your feelings, (taking responsibility), they love to jump on that…” I’m so sick of hearing about how you FEEL! You can’t live life in your FEELINGS, so save it! And then, they walk off or out…”

[@HolyGrail-q7w]

@@OnlyHuman214 did you enjoy that career?

[@OnlyHuman214]

@@HolyGrail-q7w Like any job, it’s had its ups and downs but on the whole, yes. It really depends on the disputants and why they’re there. Most come in willingly and ready to find a solution to their conflicts but divorce was usually the worst which I was apparently “good at”. I tried to focus on the kids - to know I was there for them but that focus also took an emotional toll - especially working with adults who fought like children, leaving the children to be the adults… not to mention putting them in teh middle. Some mediators are able to turn their emotions off like a light switch. Over time, I had found it harder and harder to do… to watch parents bargain over their kids like they were part of the “who gets the Picasso” conversation. You want to scream “wtf is wrong with you two” but have to remain “professional”. Some people just really suck and you always get to choose your cases unless you’re self employed (which I wasn’t). Over a couple of decades, I started to bring those emotions home and it affected everyone around me. Luckily, I’m now at the end of my career and have been lucky enough to work with a company who teaches “peer mediation” techniques to high school kids for the last decade. We’re teaching a whole new generation how to communicate, about the role of mental health in conflict, how to recognize people in crisis that may be a danger to themselves or others and so much more. It’s been a blast. I don’t think I’d still be in the field if I hadn’t found this gig and I feel like I’m really making a difference in their lives… something that can positively impact their lives and enrich their relationships with others. Ironically, kids of divorce ask some of the best questions and become some of their schools best peer helpers. Working with teenagers has breathed new life into the job and given me challenges I never would have expected… plus fun. How many people can say work is fun?! I’m retiring this year and sadly, the money for the program comes from the Dept of Education. Schools are going to lose a lot of great programs if that branch of the federal government gets shut down. Parents are already asking for a source of new funding. It’s going to affect kids’ access to the vulnerable programs - art, music, PE, technology. They’ll be back to reading, writing and arithmetic. Only the rich kids will be able to afford private programs outside of school. This incoming government really doesn’t get that - hell, some states don’t get it… some parents won’t get it until their kids can no longer play sports for their schools or march in the marching band unless they can afford to buy them the instruments and uniforms - plus pay for the field lights for night games. It’s going to change everything. Very sad.

[@HolyGrail-q7w]

@@OnlyHuman214 thanks for responding. I am glad you found a good place in your last few years in the field. We are in scary times politically for sure.

[@purgatorypoptart]

I used to try to maneuver around narcissists in my life. But at some point, you get tired. It's very freeing when you simply do one step. And that is to remove yourself from their life and focus on yours. ❤

[@Victor-q9]

Thankyou for inspiration...I'm praying can't wait....I'm doing as well ...ur words r encouraging

[@helioteran756]

Did that with. Friend of 25 yrs. He got extremely rude with me on the phone one day and I paused and said “take care of yourself”…that was 6 yrs ago, never spoke a word to him again and not going to

[@scottsinger273]

@@helioteran756 Good for you! Very encouraging! Thanks!

[@breathoflifeacres939]

A few years ago I blocked my entire family from calling or messaging me. I closed me social media accounts. I wish I had been able to do what you are talking about. I am just so overwhelmed with the problems in our relationships and there is no changing them. If you have a decent family be grateful and do what you can to make your relationships healthy. You have no idea how blessed you are. Many of us would love to have good families 😢

[@plutotoad203]

@@breathoflifeacres939 There's nothing wrong with just disappearing from toxic people. I think that way you don't have distractions, when you work for yourself and only yourself, good things can happen.

[@davidgold5961]

You can create a family based on friendships. You do not have to have any relationship with your biological family members. If it is unhealthy for you, find new friends that can be called family.

[@jeanjaz]

Psalm 68 He sets the lonely into families.

[@lazersly]

You and me both.

[@brooklyn6653]

Totally understand. In the same boat. And deleting all social media is a Must because otherwise they stalk and harass through it. God bless you, our families may be sick and warped but we have a perfect Father in heaven who sees us breaking free and is proid of us 🙏

[@johnnytsunami9967]

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. - Matthew 7:6 🔥

[@ADude-f3z]

@@johnnytsunami9967 (chuckles) Not to dispute your faith, the Bible used properly is an excellent guide concerning how to live a virtuous life… This scripture in this context though? I would argue that dogs are the polar opposites of narcissists, and worthy of all of the respect and admiration normally reserved for saints. 🥰

[@PBerning]

Good point! This is exactly the behavior of a narcissist, isn't it? It's what they do with the truth when you try to have a conversation, and then they attack you. I will remember this! Thank you!

[@alden547]

@@ADude-f3z people from that area of the world don't feel the same way about dogs as we do. If you dig a little into how Muslims view dogs you will get a glimpse of how the writers of that scripture viewed dogs

[@natnielsen8472]

​@@ADude-f3zWow, you totally took the truth of the scripture out of context - and, to compare dogs to saints?? Totally bizarre and totally false! Dogs were not created in the image of God -- Humans were created in the image of God!!

[@ADude-f3z]

@ IMHO your interpretation of the scripture is blatantly egotistical.

[@robstubbs1176]

I served in a church for many years with a narcissistic Pastor. I was an Elder and in a position to see and personally experience his angry outbursts when things didn’t go his way. What a relief when my wife and I left. We’re in a much healthier church today and are very grateful for it.

[@Wanda4849]

@@robstubbs1176 Been there, lied to, gaslighted. Left. This man did not meet qualifications for being an elder.

[@SteveHartmanVideos]

This is some of the best advice I’ve heard in all the years of researching narcissists. Thank you for this.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

"I can't agree with that." "I'm not good with that." Thanks. Yes, I can see how that would work. If I actually do it. People-pleasing is hard to break.

[@jonideschane32]

@mvbigmagic4048 "can we try this/ that another way, I have a different idea."

[@edgelordpepper]

I had tell myself to stop being a martyr for these jerks. The first time you say these words to a narcissist will feel like breathing fresh air. You’ll never look back once to take the first step.

[@katieliaciddo5656]

I completely agree! I was on/off for years with a narcissist who would come around when he wanted to and I just went with it because I didn't want to upset him.🙄 I lost myself in the process. I'm so much stronger now but also more educated on narcissistic abuse than I was then thanks to a lot of therapy and helpful videos like this. Holding my own boundaries where I intended to keep them was, and always has been very difficult, but you can do it!! Just remember though, when you finally stand your ground with a narcissist they will likely continue to try to overstep that boundary. If they are still unsuccessful in making you fold then they will likely discard you. But that's when you are free and the healing can begin. ❤

[@SewingBoxDesigns]

The real laugh is when a narcissist accuses you of being a narcissist because you won't let them control you. Well then I guess I'm a narcissist.

[@pamelag7553]

You are an anti-narcicist, an overcomer. God is for you. Jesus is your peace..

[@LiveforHim73]

Control is his game on! Whatever is in his pocket that day he’ll throw at you . He loves to quote Scripture. He’s so self righteous he can’t see he’s a self righteous narcissist!

[@TheNaroCroc]

I'm guessing you are the narcissist, too.

[@tonyr.3435]

​@@LiveforHim73 Will you lay your life down for a friend? I mean, you'd have to be a narcissist not to really. Right?

[@Political-du8yd]

This woman is interesting…quite ironic of her making accusations based on generalizations…it seems to me she’s the one gaslighting people…& she’s teaching other people to do it!…yrs ago there was a principle of confirmation that was taught…if you didn’t understand or thought what someone said (based on what they said & how they said it) you were advised to ask a question or questions…now they encourage/teach people to avoid…because “you can just tell what someone is saying by how they say it”…hysterical…!…every person I’ve interacted with that believes this garbage puts 100% of the responsibility on the speaker…no responsibility on the listener…?…there are 2 parts of communication, speaking & listening!…& if you want to add more like facial expressions, mannerisms, gestures, etc…that’s great!…but we shouldn’t ignore listening!

[@maryc9312]

Many years ago, as I was getting stronger, I said, “you know mom, it hurts me when you say that”. She didn’t speak to me for a year. Best year ever. I got clear and strong in that year. One days she rang my doorbell out of the blue and said “I’m sorry” to which I replied “Why do you think it’s ok to just randomly come to my house after a year of no contact? It’s not a good time for me to talk about this.” I shut the door and had another year of blessed silence. In that time I learned that I don’t need her and that honestly, my life was peaceful without her in it. She is 86 now and we’ve made peace more or less. She is still the same, but I have learned how to take care of myself better in that relationship. Still learning and practicing and I 💯 appreciate the advice and words in this video. I can’t wait to try them out!

[@danielalovejesus7912]

I think it was not okay of you to not find the time to accept the apology.

[@bloodstripeleatherneck1941]

​​@@danielalovejesus7912 go to Hell you arrogant flying monkey 🙊 That's what I tell all the other abusive enablers who have a problem with me going no contact with my own abusive parent.

[@cvelezp]

@@maryc9312 a narcissist saying sorry? Never heard of that.

[@joannebaek4551]

@@danielalovejesus7912 I would leave it up to Mary as to whether to accept the apology, as I know nothing about that moment. However, in my case, when my narcicist mother said, once in her life, "I'm sorry," I believed it to be completely heart felt and I said "thank you," and meant it sincerely. For me, it was very healing, though I did not expect to hear more about it and did not. One heart felt "I'm sorry" can be very profound.

[@stephanielane1821]

Wow, that was harsh

[@NormalZebra1792]

It's really great to see a video like this on a Christian channel. It seems like Christians normally just train people to be the perfect victims for them. Teaching people how to stand up for themselves is really great to come from a Christian.

[@rebeccasexton9678]

3:33 “it seems that you’re only focused on your needs and not mine, is that intentional??” So good!!

[@iwantcheesypuffs]

I was very disillusioned and a bit shocked to find out my spouse of more than 20 years is a tried and true narcissist. The poster child for narcissistic behavior. Thank you for the guidance in this video. You cannot imagine the pure RAGE with the first two questions when I asked them. "Why do you feel it is acceptable to speak to me this way?" Simple question. Pure RAGE for 30+ minutes. Thank you for helping me find the answers I suspected, but never knew how to confirm. Oh! That glare .... you hit it spot on.

[@knan75]

@@iwantcheesypuffs - I once asked my husband why he spoke to me in such a critical, demeaning way, and he had a short, simple answer…. because you deserve it.

[@Shirley-w8k]

@@knan75@iwantcheesypuffs I am so sorry you folks deal with narcissists 😣 May you find the peace and love you deserve

[@IAmR1ch]

It takes two to tango. This woman is driving wedges in peoples relationships. Read the bible and find out how to love the ones you can see, because if you cannot, how can you love God who you cannot see.

[@Shirley-w8k]

@@IAmR1ch It DOES take two to tango but the problem is that ONE of them is NOT being a proper partner. One of these people is deliberately stepping on the other’s toes to keep them in line. The tango is a struggle because one of them is a narcissist. The narcissist will never be humbled by God or God’s word because narcissists are NOT humble; they love power and control too much. They only *appear* to be humble so they look good in front of everyone else. The narcissist will try their best to show off their tango skills but will hurt their partner in the process because they love control.

[@IAmR1ch]

@@Shirley-w8k It does, and the fact that you are defensive and upset and cannot accept the fact means you are a narcissist. You failed the test. LOL

[@j-dided]

This is a great video for helping people to understand narcissists in their lives! I wish I had this video sooner. I had to learn the hard way and in hindsight it seems so obvious now! My narcissist was my sister…. she was the youngest of 3 sisters and I (the only boy) the youngest of all. Her and I were closest in age, so we basically grew up together! The older I got the more I noticed it was all about her and majority of my opinions didn’t seem to matter…. I didn’t know the term narcissist so therefore I thought something was stupid about me… In a way she emotionally abused me! To keep it simple eventually something so severe happened that it snapped me out of it and I cut her off from my life…. Four years of her out of my life I began (still am) working on myself. I had got divorced (another possible narcissist) and relocated and trying to put me back together. Then one night I am in bed trying to sleep for work the next day and my phone kept ringing and ringing, eventually a voicemail was left. I check the voicemail and it was HER! I thought, ‘how could this be her I changed my number?’ I ended up blocking her that night so I can get back to sleep. The next few days I pondered about maybe calling her to maybe see if I am strong enough to deal with her! Finally I called and first few conversations seemed okay but she never offered concern about what’s going on with me most of her conversation was self-centered, but I obliged. Not from old habits but from a learning point of view now. Eventually one phone call got so weird that she stated, ‘You know, I used to think I need you in my life. Now I know it’s you that needs me.’ I immediately said, ‘You narcissistic, condescending b!tch.’ She then said, ‘bye’ (like to hurt me). I replied, ‘yeah bye.’ I changed my number again and then eventually found out my middle sister gave her my number when I brought it up to her about how she got my number. So here I am about a year and a half later since then and totally content without her. I know this is a long “comment” but in case someone can find it useful. Also my slogan now is, “family is a two way street” in response to “but their family.”

[@julialammot7653]

Good for you!

[@j-dided]

@@julialammot7653 Thank you!

[@courtneyko1466]

Your sister was a flying monkey. Gathering information for the narcissist. Most likely your sister pretended to be concerned about you so your sister would think she had a right to your number to make peace. Clearly that wasn't her concern at all.

[@lauragood8564]

I went to a church for over 30 years with a narcissist pastor-it took a really long time for me to figure it out & even longer for my husband to figure it out also. I’m in a healthy church now but what a crazy confusing experience! I think so called”Christian” narcissists are the worst & hardest to identify possibly.

[@susannakotoff7095]

yes happened to us too, my sil is a covert religious narc who loves to play games and get people mad. Never is accountable or resolve. They act like they re being persecuted, they cause all the chaos. Then give their side in a bible speech directed at us. So Immature and entitled. Can no longer go church together with the wolves in sheeps clothing. Her husband is enabler and narc as well. Everything is about image and so competitive with everything

[@sandranodine1151]

The old wolf in sheep’s clothing scenario.

[@qwertytypwrtr720]

@@lauragood8564 Not such a thing as a "healthy church". Likely it's the same situation in a different scenario.

[@Leannot35]

@ Laura geez you're not kidding with that one

[@hepzirose]

You are absolutely correct. Christian narcissists are the worsts

[@awesomeexpressionexp]

You are doing wonderful work, Kris. This is much needed as I have noticed a surge in narcissists. The system has been grooming young narcissists who are entitled to the core, addicted to attention and drama, respect no one, and allergic to truth. Pray that God will remove the Jezebel pandemic from our country.

[@TheAlexRhodes]

No dude, narcs aren't "addicted to attention and drama" and all that other stuff you're completely off the mark. What they are is a shell of a person trying desperately to plug a mountain sized insecurity hole that has completely erased the original person and replaced their identity. The issue is actually rooted in childhood and is way deeper and more dangerous than what you're describing here. Not every entitled, disrespectful, attention seeking liar is a narcissist, but yes they can have such traits.

[@badkafka908]

What does Jezebel have to do with narcissism? From what I read, she didn't say/think/do anything that hordes of other men did in the Bible--it was just so much more "heinous" because she dared to act the same, but was a woman, and so she's still considered this "evil, fallen woman" for irrational reasons The same old sexist double standard that exists today...a woman is "arrogant" and "narcissistic" if she has the same ambition + confidence that a man has, because women are still too often expected to be "humble and modest and meek" Maybe that's not what you meant, but the double standard is something that I've noticed is still very prevalent in how so many people judge women by in every facet of life, but especially professionally and politically (far more men than women, but some women still do it too)

[@ajmalin121]

My father would do little conniving things in order to get a response out of me. He would then twist that response and use it to try to get everybody against me, playing the victim. He’s had me arrested several times on false charges, interfered with my personal relationships, etc.. Every conversation turns into a conversation about him or his past and how glorious he was, every job he ever had he was the hero and subject matter expert- even if he only worked in that field for a few weeks before getting fired. He likes to constantly ask for help, then criticize you the entire time you’re doing anything to help him. A few years ago, I learned about narcissistic personality disorder and I started reading and listening to audiobooks about the subject. Probably the best thing I’ve ever done. I have had to cut everybody that I know out of my life in order to fully escape, but man was it worth it. Now I just have to figure out what to do with all this peace- you spend an entire lifetime bending over backwards for somebody else you forget how to do anything for yourself

[@BobBabboni]

I’m happy you broke free from mental abuse. I know how difficult this is to do. Enjoy deciding what to do with all your peaceful time!

[@DudeSoWin]

And the rest of us have to deal with the narcissist's stooge. They will agree to anything so long as they don't have to talk about it or understand. Another bubbleboy with a brain that goes wooosh.

[@techgirl1337]

@@ajmalin121 i broke free from my narcissistic family 8 years ago and also had to disassociate from pretty much everyone. You're spot on about what to do with all the peace! I found a lot of healing in the Lord as well as in becoming an artist (i never thought I was any good as the narcs in the family are artists too), turns out I'm pretty good. I hope you're fully healed or on the way there. God bless you!

[@FoundLamb]

Yeah same. Less the arrest. I started to stand up to the person and apparently I was yelling Lol later I realized the individual had started to nearly whisper to set the scene. I actually think this individual had triangulated the singular destruction of all my relationships including my own son and me. Isolating me and getting me to sign over things. Having 2 parents who were this way is unimaginable.

[@stephanielane1821]

Seems like everyone to a greater or lesser degree may be a narcissist. What if the person in question has been through trauma, and it their way of survival ? Shouldn't we be caring and pray for them to be delivered of the difficulty ?

[@yolandazach]

I asked my husband how he could continually hurt someone he's supposed to love, his answer, i never said i was in love with you, I've never loved you.😮

[@ladyllf48]

Thats what they say, I'll be praying for you.

[@ashton1952]

@yolanda They get a kick out of causing pain, just close yourself off, (in the sense of building a wall inside you, against that nonsense), because you can see straight through him and he looks like a bunch of broken eggshells inside, with nothing to offer you, nothing to give (just don't tell him that, they go into a rage) our peace of mind is important. The true pain and reality of the situation is that there is nothing we can do to help them; they are like that inside, broken shells, and that's why they behave like they do. Only God can save them out of that if they allow Him, it's beyond us, and not for us to do.

[@davesdoitallservice]

Nailed it!

[@margarita5155]

@@yolandazach so what will you do about it ?

[@margareth1504]

I think this type could only dream of the ability to love anyone. Pretends they have loved, did love, do love, and it is copying, a role play, they saw or read how another expressed love. Saving their empty feelings being exposed by fooling you. They dont love.

[@almafely8040]

When I read "the happy birthday test" I thought it might be you could spot a narcissist when it's time to sing happy birthday to someone, they'll leave the room because they can't stand when someone else is getting the attention, especially if it's someone they've been "devaluing". Like my son-in-law towards my daughter, he stayed in the bedroom while the rest of us sand to his wife! (Such toxic behavior. 😢) They're going through divorce now.

[@KevinHackworth]

@@almafely8040 I was thinking the same thing. I think that’s actually a better test. Tricking someone into a “test” is not cool especially when there’s an underlying assumption. If you use the phrase given ur gonna get a negative reaction from the other person because they will assume ur accusing them of being hurtful. They will then try to explain themselves and be deemed a narcissist. It’s essentially labeling someone because of the way they respond to an accusation. Men will typically respond to an implied/overt accusation with an explanation of their actual intent either if they’re a narcissist or not. I think using the reaction to singing it for someone else might be more useful. I don’t think “tests” are appropriate. I Judge actions not words. Just my personal opinion. Great comment.

[@SFayeLewis]

Some people don't celebrate birthdays.

[@almafely8040]

@SFayeLewis yes, but this person had no problem when it came time to sing to him in his birthday.

[@rightaboutnao]

I've watched other psychology videos about NPD's being obsessed about their own birthdays, so I though it was gonna be something about that

[@vickyrun8796]

Me too. I kept waiting for her to explain their behavior on someone else's birthday. 😂

[@Amayzun1]

I'm not religious. I don't know how this video came across my feed, HOWEVER, it's a really good video! I live you're way of handling the situations.

[@lilybean1000]

I disagree with asking a narcissist all these questions. You can’t win. My firm boundary is to limit contact. Now that works ok.

[@tendomaliks7238]

@@lilybean1000 the point of those questions isn’t to win, it’s to confirm your suspicions about someone being a narcissist, so the focus isn’t more on asking the questions, but interpreting their answers to see if they are indeed narcissists

[@ateachableheart2649]

I've recently learned the best way to handle this. I typically say "I'll get back to you on that" or "let's talk about that later", or "I'd like to table that for now". Works wonders!!! They tend to forget what it was they wanted to badger you about. Problem solved!!!

[@thisorthat7626]

Interesting. This typically doesn't work on narcs as they have memories like elephants, and will bring up something you said or did years before to berate you over. It is a good plan for dealing with most people though. Cheers.

[@KD-gd5oq]

Not my STBX - he was like a mongoose on a snake. Tenacious and exhausting

[@ateachableheart2649]

@@KD-gd5oq mine was too until I began implementing my strategy.

[@jenjen282]

I once said, "that's something to consider" and made it clear that further conversations needed to take place. The next week they followed up with plans to move forward. Lol. They just don't get it.

[@deepaligupta9753]

The best part is , that for every episode of his rage , he holds me responsible

[@JiHu-d8c]

@@deepaligupta9753 I hope you stay safe, and find a way to escape. I escaped, and it wasn’t easy. But it was worth it.

[@edgelordpepper]

That’s what I call a master manipulator. GET AWAY as soon as you can. Your life depends on it.

[@ashtonisaacs]

@@deepaligupta9753 same here

[@TaylerKnox]

Watching ‘Christians’ over the decades has left me feeling like very few Christians have read the Gospel. God doesn’t care about the Monopoly money we accumulate in this game. In the end it meant nothing from the very inception. This is clearly stated over and over and over again. Yet we fail and worship the accumulation of wealth and admire those who have the biggest stack of belongings.

[@glendabreece9767]

You are so real, you know exactly everything about a narcissist! I wish I had learned all this when I was younger ,

[@spykm241]

Oh for goodness sakes - I was married to a narcissist! I didn't know that! He was a psychiatrist and VERY skilled in provocative interactions. I just thought he was a liar but listening to Kris Reece, I recognize several tactics that he used to gaslight me and throw me off balance. And they worked. Thank you, Ms. Reece. I now realize that I was able to make a narrow escape.

[@tml721]

I just got done dealing with a NARC. YES all she did was lie. She was a mean drunk and a thief. IF she ever comes back I'm calling the cops.

[@goatinmysoup]

The narcissist tells that many lies they can't keep up with what they've said.

[@brendaflax2173]

This is so true of my husband!!! I thank God for Kris teaching about Narcissist!

[@hervoicematterspodcast]

THIS IS TRUE

[@judyfreeman5193]

Also they don't care if you notice

[@greywolf850]

These people are everywhere… it’s scary and makes being single EASY

[@jdsheleg8332]

One thing has nothing to do with the other. Sounds like an excuse for your inability to connect with the right people.

[@lostintexas699]

@jdsheleg8332 No, they are everywhere. And it has everything to do with relationships.

[@greywolf850]

@jd Shhh …. No one asked you

[@birgittabirgersdatter8082]

@@greywolf850 actually, you made a public statement on a platform that enables people to respond to your comment. Essentially, you did ask for jd’s response. You just didn’t like it, which is ok. Being nasty about it is not ok.

[@WaterlooExpat]

@@jdsheleg8332 greywolf is right.

[@novembermiss]

I've seen a number of very good videos about dealing with narcissists. This is the best one I've watched. Really good explanation of the warped mind of a narcissist and great advice on how to deal with one. Thank you for this!

[@magicmegan4290]

It’s been a while since I’ve watched videos about narcissism. Even after over a year, this video is so validating and ungaslighting. It’s like I’m watching this and realizing again, “OMGI really was married to a narcissist,” like I was so gaslighted that still some part of me is doubting/still gaslighted. We always want to believe “it wasn’t all bad, etc” but I also know that the REASON it wasn’t all bad was because of me. I was the fawner, codependent enabler, and the actually loving supportive person. I feel like any goodness in the relationship was truly from the energy that I put into it…. I just be a true empath if I loved a narcissist for 15 years…. I really really tried to help him. :(

[@samueljanderson]

Well, the moment I was gaslighted, I removed myself completely from their lives-PERIOD! I blocked every possible way to contact me. Since that moment, everything has turned for the better, and everyone I am working with and associating with is much happier, too. I gave this person every opportunity to do right and it happened again and that was it. The final chapter was written by this person and I closed it forever. God answered my prayer. My song: Don't Stop Believing.

[@melissaculpepper7663]

Same here! Praise God for freedom!!!

[@WortundGebet]

same

[@maiaallman4635]

Congratulations!

[@debbiev.1311]

I'm singing "Happy Birthday to ME"...this is so helpful & I'm very grateful!! 🎉🙏🏼🕊

[@NOTFOUND-b2f]

"happy birthday to someone in the world"

[@mr.e8432]

You made an interesting observation there. Whenever I have a disagreement with my wife. The first thing she does is go to “I’m gonna cry like a 10-year-old”, which I fully understand is just a manipulation tactic. But the other thing she does, which I never really picked up on until watching this is she’ll use the line “Well, if that’s what you think about me!” or “it’s nice to know finally what you really think about me.” When I think back she’s used that line, or a variation of it quite a bit and it usually stops the conversation cold because I don’t know where to go from there. No, that’s not what I think of you, you’re missing the entire point of what I’m trying to say. But now I realize, she’s probably not missing the point of what I’m saying, she’s just intentionally trying to stop the conversation because it’s not going in her direction. 🤔

[@carboniignacious2607]

Been there and felt that. I call this tactic "Spin and Pin". You can never resolve anything with them because they own nothing!

[@Portia1416]

My husband does this. He proceeds with repeating whatever it is he thinks I think about him, over and over and uses it, to continue to justify his abuse. For instance, if I say, “you’re being cruel”, he will continue in his cruelty and end each statement with, “ because I’m cruel”. Over and over and over. And he will increase the cruelty of his words each time. And use my characterization of him to up his abuse. His way of punishing me for calling him out on his behavior.

[@Jcremo]

@@Portia1416 my husband does this too. It’s completely disarming. 😔

[@ElegantHamster-d7s]

@@mr.e8432 Since that's a passive aggressive line, just ignore it. It contains no information. It's purely manipulative.

[@kaythegardener]

​Could you try to switch the words around?? "I feel ___ when X is done, I need a cooling off period just now." Then move your body out of range!! @@Portia1416

[@jamie1799]

I'm married to one, that's admitted it and trying to work past it. All the times he said"I'm going to leave" i responded, i won't stop you. After 14 years, it's gotten better. A bad childhood and having a tbi to the frontal lobe, can be challenging for him, but staying stern and having an iron will had helped.

[@salauerman7082]

Fragile, self-centered, egotistical, envious exploiters… what an accurate description!

[@dgh5223]

Our ex pastor is a controlling narcissist. He was pastor only 3 years at my church. About 9 people left because of him. We been to the church 22 years!! That’s ok. I think it was Gods way of getting us out of there to do something else. The pastor will get his just reward.

[@INCYTER]

It's extra infuriating to hear this about a religious leader. He ought to know better. He will be judged more severely by the Lord. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

[@no-namecrown5510]

@@dgh5223 if you need a man to connect you with god, then you have a big problem. Church is for the fools.

[@rea7203]

It's not ok if a pastor of a church is a controlling narcissist because so many people are influenced by a pastor and a lot of times if there are baby Christians who don't know the word of God may be hurt badly

[@2dogs1tale81]

This was so helpful that I severed a 23 year friendship finally. I kept smoothing things over and trying to make peace because he had pushed everyone who ever tried to care about him out of his life including his own family. This friend would constantly say "I love you unconditionally" then end the friendship for trivial arguments because he was trying to control me. Little things like if I didn't like a comic strip he was working on because it had sexually explicit content. He would lose his mind because I didn't agree with him, even if I was measured and sensitive about rejecting the content by saying things like, "I don't personally like this version." In fact I tried not to comment when he sent it so he sent it 50 times (not exaggerating) and when I finally said, "I didn't say anything because I didn't want to offend you, but I really don't like this picture." One day he misunderstood something I said and blew up screaming at me on the phone then hung up before I could explain. When I emailed him that I never meant it "that way" he said as per usual, "We're done!" That day was different than all the other days for 23 years, because this time I let him walk away and said, "Okay." He regrets it now, but I figure if he hasn't changed in 23 years he will never change. So, I stumbled upon your videos and came to the conclusion that he is most certainly a narcissist. Thank you. From now on I will avoid having these people in my life. The freedom and relief of ridding myself of this toxic person has been invaluable.

[@alfredotomato2016]

wow you describe one of my ex's to a T! glad we got away from them. they were determined to make us "the bad guy." dudeman had very few moments of lucidity where he realized what he was doing wrong... but he was always so QUICK to do a 180 on that and make me into the bad guy again. i was scared to let him go in the end mostly because of how i knew hed treat me if i actually kept avoiding him. he left crazy screaming voicemails saying hes going to kill himself. its been almost a decade and im so glad i cut the ties. how brainwashed i was that i had been afraid of how he'd badmouth me! like really... hanging onto someone like that out of fear of being abused. i never thought id end up in that position, and im glad its over, happy for you as well.

[@AndrewBlucher]

Well done to both of you. It's not easy to work out this stuff on your own.

[@2dogs1tale81]

@@alfredotomato2016 That's the thing about us women, we have to learn to be "selfish" once in a while and do things that are good for us, not based on how we think others will view us.

[@Fuse_146]

I recently ended a friendship of 40 years. Once you see the narc traits for what they are, you can't sweep it under the rug. F that grown toddler.

[@lilleeball1148]

Never allow someone to scream at you. I've recently learned that. Establish a boundary for what you will do if a person screams at you so that you're prepared to do it.

[@cooloften]

The narcissists I know will pretend they didn't hear me or understand me and make me repeat the question several times. No contact is the only thing that works with such vile creatures.

[@nardo218]

Hey, Kris, I did it, I said 'no' to a N coming into my life. And I feel really bad. But I still did it. It was someoen who wanted me to catsit, who I knew through an activity I'm part of but hadn't personally met. When I met him, the meeting was pretty unpleasant and his red flags were flying like a christmas sleigh parade. I also saw that moment when he decided I wasn't cool anymore and he instantly disliked me, but he still expected me to schlep to his house and take care of his cats (no mention of compensation even for the uber rides). So I told him that I'm sorry but I'm not available to watch your cats. I did offer to help the other catsitters if there was a need, but only bc it was short notice. I just didn't want to be involved with this person who clearly was toxic and had already decided not to like me. (there are many details re: red flags that I'm leaving out for the sake of everyone's privacy) So I just wanted to say thank you for your clear commnication and explanation about N behavior, what's normal in a realtionship and what isn't, and how to respond andshut down Ns when they are being manipulative and inappropriate. I'm starting to do that more, and i'm finding that it makes people treat me better. I'm hearing "i'm sorry' and "please" and "thank you" from people who used to used take me for granted and never used those words.

[@joem13yearsago73]

@@nardo218 a N? ⛹🏿‍♂️

[@MichaelKevin-l6y]

Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.

[@ShondellChristine]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.

[@MichaelKevin-l6y]

I feel your pain brother, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.

[@ShondellChristine]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?

[@MichaelKevin-l6y]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@ShondellChristine]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@carly106]

Kris, your videos are brilliant and comforting. Thank you for your inspiring work. All glory to God. He has used you well. 🙏🏼💗

[@Kris_Reece]

Thank you. I'm so glad they're blessing you

[@stephenhawkins3316]

Singing "Happy Bday" in your head is gold. Gives you time for the creative side for a response like "Say that again please Formulates your facial expression that will confuse the heck out of the other person Some of the best verbal and if needed physical responses come out of the creative side of the thinking part of the brain which does not work as well under stress. (not all of us are the cool calm hand steering the ship) but this can help make Tom Hanks's war movie characters look spastic in comparison. Thanks for the nugget

[@salauerman7082]

“Why do you expect me to prioritize your needs over my own, even when it hurts me?” 🎶 - another great question!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

@jackilynpyzocha662 1 second ago Dad ignored my boundaries my last birthday, he was late and did not have a reason or apology for being late; he was entitled (he thought) to do this and I am not allowed to complain. He's a tyrant. I am 60, and don't live with him; he's a jerk. Reply

[@danielletoohey8193]

@@salauerman7082 unfortunately with my husband and his mother, if they don't ok the feelings , then they are not real According to my husband

[@salauerman7082]

@ that was my dad, after dementia set in… thinking about your husband and his mama: they’re half brain dead?! (Guys generally don’t have a clue anyway)

[@froggacuda1605]

All true. You are not allowed to ever win and you are not allowed to ever break even. You are only allowed to lose. It sucks. The "Christian" narcissist is arguably the worst. They will destroy everything: your life, your self-worth, your sense of self, your relationships, your walk with the Lord, and your sanity

[@courtneyko1466]

I had this experience. I felt like it was a Jezebel spirit after me. Like the one where Elijah was ready to just go die after bringing fire from heaven. It really hurt me for months. I had to let go and let God heal me and at the same time He put me back in contact with my childhood friend and we had no idea that she was five minutes away. She has been one of the biggest blessings in my older age and she also gave her heart to Jesus after we reconnected. God can really make a sour situation beautiful, sweet lemonade.

[@DeadSeaScrollsReligion]

Not all boundary setting is done out of a good heart. People can set selfish boundaries. In a relationship, a couple is supposed to mutually love one another. If one spouse withholds love and affection for selfish reasons, the other spouse has a right to voice their disapproval. And to say they cannot, is itself a narcissitic trait. Never being willing to consider the other persons feelings and only caring about your own desires.

[@skulls.n.guns.2357]

Very true! If OP responds to your comment, _how_ she responds will reveal a lot about her.

[@jeanmariedenning62]

When I remind my husband when caught in the act of lies , I have said ,” You do realize you can’t lie your way out of hell , quite the opposite!”

[@RoxanneR8375]

@@jeanmariedenning62 You can lie your way in, but you can't lie your way out!

[@wheatORweed]

I got silence for 24 hours then he was the victim saying something crumbled inside him when I called out his lying. He’d been lying for 36 years! I finally understood he was a covert narcissist, but I didn’t tell him that. I just listed a few of the lies from over the years.

[@ashton1952]

After they realize they've been seen thorough and unmasked, they go nuts: rage tantrums, screaming fits etc

[@julianneh.1768]

Ugh... This is my mother...

[@patriciarose2342]

Some do. Others are silent treatment. Never again for me. Unfortunately I have to put myself first, after God now. And others don't like that.

[@sergeantfury785]

I took a break from watching any of these kinds of videos to seek God and what is actually happening. In that time I had one question: "Why is our life together ONLY about what she wants?". Then I come here after a few months and I hear "the question". "It seems like you are only focused on your needs and not mine, is that intentional?" See how that is the SAME question but just phrased differently? THANK you! Mostly, THANK GOD for the timing! Otherwise I could not believe this.

[@jdoveyk9422]

@@sergeantfury785 your question is a yes or no answer and “the question” in the video requires an explanation. That’s the main difference. A narcissist will gladly answer a yes or no and probably lie but when they have to explain you are going to really see what is driving the behavior.

[@sergeantfury785]

@@jdoveyk9422 Then what response should I look for from an honest heart that says: "I didn't know you felt that way?" I know a narc would say that and probably explain "why" I need a therapist and act like they have it all together, but what would a genuine heart say after they found out how I felt. I mean, I COULD be seeing things incorrectly.

[@froggacuda1605]

@@sergeantfury785 people who aren't narcissists are sad and even distressed when they realize that they have inadvertently hurt another person. Although It's human nature to initially react defensively when challenged, the difference with a narcissist is that they NEVER think any deeper beyond that they are right and you are wrong. Normal people will think over what you said and want to make amends or at least want to understand your concerns. A narcissist will always be enraged when challenged and punish you (in either the near term and/or long tern) for having the audacity to challenge them. A narcissist will NEVER sincerely say, "I'm sorry"; some narcissists may say the words but only to use it as a short-term manipulation tactic. Has your wife ever apologized, meant it, and changed her behavior? Does your wife respect your property and treat it with care? Does your wife do regular acts of kindness for you with cheerfulness and no obvious expectation of getting something back from it? Does your wife value your opinion and allow you to disagree with her without getting upset and angry? If so, she probably isn't a narcissist

[@sergeantfury785]

@@froggacuda1605 No, I am ALWAYS the bad guy. It is ALWAYS my fault in a roundabout way......

[@TheMOV13]

I don't agree that a healthy person will simply say OK and then move on, after a boundary has been set. A healthy person will also ask questions, and the questions may sound similar to the questions a narcissist will pose. The huge difference is though, that the healthy is asking because they want to understand the heart of the person they are in the relationship, to know what might be troubling them and what they themselves may have been getting wrong. They will ask the person out of love and interest and not to push them into the defensive. If someone just said "Oh, OK" and that was the only response, it could seem like they're not really all that bothered or interested.

[@joealvarez4240]

You've anticipated my follow-up question! Yes, how DO you handle a narcissist after you've identified that this is their issue? Thanks for pinning that survival guide.

[@Wisdomforthehour]

I can spot them in the first interaction but not because of the "signs". The signs are not usually accurate I've found. A narcissist can play any part, but an empathic person can also show these signs, but underneath are truly empathetic. That's what I've found it comes down to.

[@lou5109]

Just got out of a 30 yr marriage to one... I finally had to walk away from it ... thru time I setup everything into an an/or on all titles to home an vehicles ... an I finally had to throw a hissy fit and leave. Alot of my affairs have been handed to one of my daughters to control so she can't do anything to them... I'm now giving her the silent treatment... I'm working with my daughters to try and get the rest of my belongings.. my soon to be ex wife didn't even pay attention to what I was doing while separating my important stuff from hers.. I told her that I was just consolidateding our stuff... but i was preparing for my way to leave the situation... I was isolated from my friends and family for way too long... I was made to quit jobs that I was advancing in.. she had accused me of affairs with my fellow employees and that if I didn't do anything about it she would cause a scene... now at the age of 54.. I'm having to start my life all over again... it's a rough time... she's still throwing lures into the water to see if I'll bite... I still haven't responded to anything she's thrown at me for the past 6mths.. I'm a broken person now... hopefully I'll be able to heal soon... I'm leary to associate with anyone at the moment.. my new job has been great help... some of my new fellow employees have given me the courage to stand up and on my own 2 feet... but it's still going to take time... thank you for allowing me to share my story... 😊

[@SunshineCatwoman]

I'm glad you escaped. If you never feel able to have another relationship, remember that that's okay, too. You're free to be completely yourself now. Take your time, and make sure your "picker" is fixed before you get into a long-term relationship with anyone else.

[@LadiboiJoy]

@@lou5109 blessings and peace ✌️

[@billjudge6021]

Good for you. My only advice is to develop a prayer life. You may already do that. Its a very good sign that you are staying close to your kids. You probably feel very vulnerable now. That's why i recommend a prayer life. God bless you and help you on your journey.

[@susandickerson2663]

My step mom gave me excellent advice right after my divorce. Get comfortable w yourself before dating. Be able to go places and do things solo. Then you are not looking in desperation but in peace for a new companion

[@kims2963]

You are not alone. It does seem it takes so long to get out. Reading yours helped me know that it is okay. We are going in the right direction. Freedom and peace will be worth it. Blessings in your journey.

[@mirnacudiczgela1963]

My narcissistic mother's behaviour became even worse when I tried asking her similar questions.

[@kck9742]

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to not engage them at all if possible.

[@StrideOrDie71]

Mine started crying…”I’m sorry I’m such a TERRIBLE mother…” 😂

[@patriciarose2342]

Mine exactly. Anything serious with my mother is nasty insults, accusations, high pitched denials, sarcasm and the self pity of martyrdom. I used to be angry with my father for leaving but the longer I live, the more I understand. I married a narc too, when I was too young to know what narcissism was, or even dysfunctional relationships. But I divorced him, at least. Well done me.

[@mirnacudiczgela1963]

@@kck9742 Of course. I went no contact with my narcissistic mother.

[@willsagain]

That's classic DARVO tactics. Reverse Victim & Offender ​@StrideOrDie71

[@danacowles2848]

This is probably the BEST video I’ve seen and mostly helpful with dealing with narcissists!

[@Nottoday712]

I grew up with a narcissistic father. He was career military, which made everything even worse. His favorite saying when he was required to do anything for anyone of us, his family, was, " if the military wanted me to have a family they would've issued me one". Then he would laugh uproarusly. Eventually ended contact with him when I was in my 50s

[@AlfredaJones-ei2bs]

I have never thought about Christian narcissists before. Until I watched this video this took me back to the movie Jim Jones when he was a narcissist when the believers trusted him so you have to be careful who you trust that you are not following a cult because there are a lot of church cults out there Amen 🙏🙏🙏.

[@juliewitt1411]

Oh, there are plenty of those creatures. A pity. 😈

[@timewilltell5476]

😊

[@melissaculpepper7663]

All of us are fallen! Being a follower of Christ doesn’t guarantee we never have blind spots in our lives where we need the Holy Spirit to transform us by renewing our mind.

[@Xianne027]

@@AlfredaJones-ei2bs Yes, narcissism abounds in all religions and spiritual groups. They are the ones who are "holier than thou."

[@Xianne027]

...and David Koresh in Waco, Texas.

[@lynnramreddi3244]

Absolutely agree with singing in your mind. It gives you so much peace. I sing a praise and worship song in my head,works every time.

[@daughteroftherisenking]

AMEN 🙏🏼🤍🦾

[@peat_dont_repeat]

My song is.( He's got the whole world in His Hands). Please , when we call out lies. Know this it is calling out so many more lies that it becomes survival for them.

[@Kris_Reece]

Oooh, I like that one! too long for a thumbnail, but great song! 😂

[@PeriwinklePotter]

👑👑👑

[@Pp4Gd]

That is a great song and so true!! Glad you said something and I pray that when God puts before you someone who needs an to hear that you tell them or sing this to them.

[@peat_dont_repeat]

@@Pp4Gd I appreciate your prayer. Praise the Lord for people like you!

[@nicholasdupont2468]

It's very difficult to deal with true narcissists as a Christian because reconciliation and putting the needs of others ahead of your own is a behavior Jesus did for all. Hard to know where those boundaries should stop/start. I have multiple family members who i believe are narcissists and God teaches me to make reconciliation the goal, but then these healthy boundaries cause them to ignore me/try to use me for money and control. They'll be sweet to me long enough to try to take from me again, and then i have to draw the line and everyone goes back to not talking. Been like this now for 20 years.

[@dansmith7698]

I suspect narcissists are often the first people to claim others are narcissistic.

[@jimmoore8951]

Of course… projection

[@stephlau87]

Your new hair looks fantastic, so fresh and crisp! 👌

[@stylist62]

Thank God When you can break free from them, they are never satisfied, drain the life out of you Thank you for these videos they have been a huge help in my healing journey

[@OfSoulAndSin]

Never satisfied Drain your life Check and check😢

[@aprilmorrison9627]

Great tip!! and lets not forget how they seem to go out of there way to purposefully ruin your birthday....or forget it altogether. incredible....

[@tdhawk167]

Yup

[@patriciarose2342]

My Ex husband.

[@Klm49]

Oh wow, this revelatory. All i can say is Thank You. Thank you so much!

[@stephanielane1821]

I disliked what I thought was disrespect, and not being listened to, years later I found out the person had dementia, and probably didn't remember when I had asked for boundaries 😢 these people are still human's not another species, as Christians don't we follow Christ, and love one another ?

[@amyteurlife9408]

They also lie by just making up stuff.

[@CherylGormanAuthor]

I was raised by a narcissist and my grandmother lived with us for several years who was also a narcissist and the queen of passive aggressive. She wielded her passive aggressive behavior with a big stick of religion. They are gone now. Thank God!

[@lynndurbin9476]

I think the best lesson I learned lately again is when you are in a friendship with a narcissist, now long distance over the phone, your worth to the narcissist diminishes so when you refuse to go along with their wants and you refuse with explanation...they ghost you. Done. Over on the part of the narcissist. Rejection may hurt but it's a relief not to be pulled in the opposite direction you want to go anyway, especially since it wasn't the first time. I also followed up by sending articles and information on becoming the Christian family man as leader and courses online and groups. Totally ignored. Last thing texted was, "I'll be praying for you." And I do. But no more contact, or self applied mind games of questioning myself like, "maybe I was making it out to be more than it really was," or "maybe there wasn't a real friendship or one with hidden stipulations."

[@teresaellis7062]

I wish I had this years ago with my struggle with a narcissist. I didn't know that she was a narcissist at the time. I don't think she knew what she was at the time. After I finally escaped the situation that kept her in my orbit (we were going to the same college) I labeled her an emotional vampire. She knew how to gather nice people around her to "help" her. I tried setting boundaries, but it was exhausting to keep them and I didn't have the tools you just gave me. After writing her a letter with all the reasons why I didn't want to be friends with her she showed it around. The looks of shock and pity I got were heartening and slightly amusing. She basically showed everyone around us all her toxic attributes I wrote about in my letter. Unfortunately, as I said, I couldn't avoid her and still go to college and she kept pestering me and nagging me until I finally gave up and said, "We are friends again," just to get her to stop as it was emotionally exhausting to keep saying no. I was able to keep her more at arm's length, but I made the mistake of going on a walk through the wooded areas of the college so she could "Bury the letter that almost destroyed our friendship," or some such garbage. As I said, she gathered nice people around her, me being one. After burying the torn up letter she picked up a long branch and started swinging at the underbrush and at trees. I thought she was just randoming swinging a branch around like I have seen children do, I didn't know to be wary. As soon as she worked herself up enough she spun and clocked me in the head. Thankfully, although a complete pacifist, adrenaline is a good preservation hormone and I was also a head taller than her. I managed to twist the branch out of her hands and put her in a headlock. A some later, on the edges of a woody section of the campus she picked up a branch and started hitting the underbrush. I immediately walked into the nearest building, the well occupied college library. She asked me why I left, acting all confused and hurt. I told her I didn't want to get hit again! She of course denied it, but I was careful never to be alone with her for quite some time. I am grateful I took a martial arts class during my time at college. I didn't know it, but it gave me tools to not be a complete pacifist, because some time later, the emotional vampire managed to follow me into an empty women's bathroom and took a swing at me. My new martial arts training kicked in and I actually punched her in the mouth with enough umph to split her lip. She never tried to physically dominate me again. Before I knew how toxic she was, I made the mistake of inviting her over to make bread and she also learned where my boyfriend lived. Sadly, it took me getting engaged for her to back off even more. She stopped trying to come to my fiance's house after angrily pounding on his front door. He came to the door and she told him, I kid you not, "You win. She belongs to you now."!! What!?! After college and marriage , I had the misfortune of bumping into her and she tried to "remind" me how we were best buds! Thankfully, she was at a Salvation Army collection bucket and couldn't follow me. I said "Merry Christmas." in response and kept walking. The next time I was with a group of people who she engaged in conversation and I literally backed away when she tried to engage me in the conversation also. The third time I saw her, she didn't see me and I hid behind a pillar until she walked past. Perhaps cowardly on my part, but she is THAT exhausting. I have since broken off the beginnings of friendships if I feel that same vibe I got from my emotional vampire "buddy".

[@rayzewiz8197]

@@teresaellis7062 dude that sounds like a movie and absolutely draining. Good job on getting away

[@pegrussell321]

Don't be friends with crazy narcissists

[@michellealexander3149]

😂 Boundary stomping… this happened to me last night! I was toe to toe with a real Narc at work. I’m a server and he was so persistent to get his needs met regardless of how unable I was to fix problem

[@pj5551]

Thank you so much for this message, Kris! 🙏✨🙌

[@Elmerkeith-c5g]

did you ever meet Phineas T. Barnum ?

[@restoration2713]

I used to ask my now ex husband (after 42 years) “ why can’t you just treat me like you treat strangers?, you are. nice to strangers.” His response was, “because you’re my wife”. Now 3 years out I see how messed up that was especially for a “man of God” to say. God has blessed me and my adult sons tremendously since my leaving. I pray that my ex husband will one day truly come to know the Love of God and be able to walk in a way that reflects His character.

[@sumadaniel]

I just asked the exact same question to my husband today...exact same answer

[@almafely8040]

@@restoration2713 Amen. I am praying this for my ex son-in-law. I will pray for your husband to be born again

[@JKE.JewelryLLC]

A narcissist is a child that never grew up. Adulting isn’t easy. They lack the skills and need you to do it for them. 3:26

[@JanPriSan]

...and boy, don't tell them that their actions are childlike. You will get the heat🤦🏾‍♀️

[@victoriawhite4325]

Thank you so much, Kris, for providing these videos to people who are recovering from narcissistic abuse. Your videos have been so validating and healing for me, my father was a "Christian" narcissist and I was always blamed for things, when I went silent ge would rage at me or even hurt me physically, my mom too, but her less so because he knew she had the power to ruin him, I didn't. Thank you again for helping me heal, and I thank God for leading me to your inspiring videos 😊.

[@camillechapman3108]

I always thought that i could say the right things to make him understand. Never worked.

[@sherryab3964]

I just discovered this channel and so glad I did! Luckily, my parents were not narcissists and I’m not married to a narcissist. I have been effected by former friends and co-workers who are narcissists. My heart goes out to all of you who have or have had family members or partners who are narcissists. ❤

[@sonnysmom6017]

@@sherryab3964 affected

[@Xianne027]

"That snake-like stare..." Yes, I've seen this even at the very beginning of the acquaintanceship sometimes, a sort of sinister smirk like they're sizing you up... like they're thinking "Ha! Gotcha! And you think you can trust me! Hee, hee, hee..."

[@cicin9313]

Unfortunately, I know exactly the look you are talking about. I rarely use the word "gleeful" but their eyes look gleeful in a sinister way. Its scarier than if they just looked mad.

[@Xianne027]

@cicin9313 "gleeful"! Exactly! Then you know exactly what I mean! Like a maleficent character in a fairy tale sizing up their next unsuspecting victim.

[@Esperandoonoivo]

Guys, never realized this until this moment. Their pleasure is not for getting what they want, but for bending us to their will.

[@cicin9313]

@@Esperandoonoivo Exactly! It's like all those little seeds they planted finally comes to fruition & they can't hide the giddiness. All the times they got you to tell them something personal (ammo), all the times they had to pretend to care when they didn't, all the times they secretly haaaated you due to their own insufficiency --- and here they come to their prize moment of all their work: manipulate & destroy mode. They savor it, like someone licking their plate & their fingers after a juicy meal.

[@Xianne027]

@Esperandoonoivo Ah! Well said! I never thought of it that way...

[@laurenharper1510]

Reading about David and the narcissist Saul in the Bible helped me survive my cruel narcissist “minister” husband.

[@jill3330]

@@laurenharper1510 can you please tell me where to find this in the Bible?

[@evelinstein4060]

You can find the story of Saul and David in 1. Samuel. You can read about Sauls life and coronation from 1. Samuel chapter 8 and David meets Saul in chapter 16. It's really interesting to abserve how God dealt with Saul and his proud and stone like heart. I think thats the problem with narcs or toxic people in general: their heart is hard as rock from constantly revolving around themself. I think it's very important that we pray for Gods grace to give us a humble and tender heart. God is the only one who can give it and change us. I think everyone has to be careful because someone doesn't need to be a narcissist to be toxic or hurting to other people. I think that is important to keep in mind and pray about. Let's stay humble and loving. God is willing to give us all the strength we need in order to do so. We are not alone and we don't have to exhaust ourselfes by trying with our own "strength". That's what helped me the most lately and changed my approach of dealing with toxic people: I am not alone and it is not my strength but the Lords. God knows my pain and he will heal me. He protects my soul and any good in me is only because of him. Hallelujah🙏 God bless🤍

[@thebinlgbtisbabadook7832]

​@@jill3330 Considering it's about Saul and David, it's probably in the Book of Kings I and II

[@lizgiroux8905]

Most of us who had narcissistic parents, didn't have great Birthday s. Instead of singing "happy birthday ", I started sing "zippity do da" ! When my kids were in preschool, they'd sing this before and after school. And it works for me now! Thanks for the fabulous tip!!😘

[@glammachronicles7583]

Thank you for combining wisdom with scripture. I had two in my life. Because of how God used you I realized my mom was a narcissists for the first time and it brought to light why I am how I am. My mom used to ask me why I couldn’t be more like other people who were more socialites and had more friends. She would also tell others who made a mistake, “ Your doing a me (my name here)”. I felt insignificant. I’m putting a stop to the others influence in my life and even looking inward to how I can stop my reactions and unhealthy behavior. My worth is in Jesus, not in the evilnesses of sin.