Lawyer Explains The Keys to Mastering Hard Conversations

On today’s show, John talks to friend, influencer and attorney Jefferson Fisher about how to take the emotion out of hard conversations.
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@Natalia_85]

Anyone else feels it's weird that he is not in his car?

[@zknight4481]

I initially thought you were talking about Dr. Delony and I was like wait… does he have videos made in his car that I’m not aware of? 😂

[@Natalia_85]

@@zknight4481 LOL that was funny haha

[@Iamhellokitty77]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@Natalia_85 - re: "weird" = No! Apparently you are the only one!

[@prettiestme4238]

😂

[@cherisetaylor5907]

Jefferson Fisher and Dr.Jon! How absolutely cool is this!! 👏🏾👏🏾

[@Molly.Blaylock]

John! Stop building people up while simultaneously tearing yourself down! Stop it! You’re awesome, keep up the good work.

[@stevengtv]

For real, you can also just build someone else up and not talk about yourself at all. They are the guest.

[@Daniellapalo]

It’s a BAD habit rooted in comparison… and usually gets a good response from insecure people. There is NO reason to put yourself down, when you are lifting another person up.

[@susanl5682]

Just wanted to say exactly the same .Ditto

[@Jpravenfan98]

He knows the self deprecating talking isn’t real. He does it to portray himself as humble. But he lays it on so thick, that it actually does the opposite. He knows what he’s doing. It’s calculated.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@Jpravenfan98I don’t think he does because when he was doing the audiobook of his last book he was told by several people that he was negatively speaking to himself even in a booth by himself (no cameras and off the microphone). Also having met John I can tell you he is extremely humble, empathetic and so down to earth. He really is amazing and I wish he would see his value more!

[@Natalia_85]

OMG It's Jefferson Fisher on the Dr. John Delony's show! I'm so happy! I love you both. Thank you for everything you both do

[@kimberlysmith7625]

How does a personal injury attorney who's achieved fame on TikTok make "the world" a better place?

[@Natalia_85]

@@kimberlysmith7625 totally

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@kimberlysmith7625 I encourage you to listen to the interview again. Jefferson is an expert at teaching people to communicate in a more calm and effective way instead of lashing out at your partner. His videos are really good!

[@OnaFaithJourney]

What a delight to hear them together!

[@cpirtle]

"how was your day?" Oh, that is gold. Putting that one in my back pocket.

[@minihorses]

I don't know who Jefferson Fisher is but I like him from this show.

[@Yayakoshii1990]

I want to see these two together again in a few years, especially after John has built more confidence in his own abilities.

[@1lespaulfreak]

Gentle strength, strength under control. I’m a fan!

[@jessewwpco4574]

I love the call ins, but these interviews are an awesome change of pace

[@chrisoneal2718]

I actually much prefer the calls over interviews that take up the whole episode

[@susanmiller2414]

Please have more interviews! Jefferson Fisher and JD were great together and traded valuable lessons in communication through difficult times.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

I’ve met few people so calm and composed that didn’t have a storm underneath the surface.

[@rustyshackleford6637]

Cool man

[@grateful7420]

37:10 I’m having a hard time with this. “They want (the perpetrator, later, cheater, abuser….) to see what they’ve done & how bad they are. Nothing good comes of that”. So sad but I’m realizing it’s true. Justice & truth do not always prevail. I’ve experienced this. 💔💔💔💔💔Abusers don’t acknowledge, remember or admit their bad or horrifying behavior, they deny & act like, “poor me for being called out on my behavior- that I’m not even doing “. Manipulation. So hard on the spouse at home trying to provide a safe home for the family. Then they act like the person standing up against the wrong - is the problem! (Often smear them to deflect). I’ve learned- Don’t try to get them to see their evil ways- they NEVER will. They lie…like they always have & portray the one standing up against abuse as a bad / crazy person. This is another layer of abuse- mental mind f**k- gaslighting. It’s hard to comprehend & such injustice when you have LIVED the abuse/lying/cheating/neglect/damage & so have your own children- when abuser never admits their evil deeds & act like a saint outside the home. They don’t admit - even & especially to themselves. Justice and truth do not always prevail. I know from experience. 💔💔💔💔💔 Evil people can do so much damage. 😢

[@darralansman9895]

There's so much truth to unpack here for most conflict. In high conflict relationships involving personality disorders or deep psychological issues that result in destructive behaviors like you and I experience, it's more complicated. However, the management of our responses, which is what their message is, helps diffuse the conflict because we simply don't engage. It keeps us out of emotional turmoil. What the abuser chooses to think or do is out of our control.

[@darralansman9895]

BTW, I'm so sorry you're in that kind of destructive relationship. It is extremely damaging.

[@glendawall5740]

Hi......I'm sorry you have been so hurt..... I have too.... I don't think the message in this interview is to ignore abuse..... I think this is for the average everyday person... or couple... or parent......and to teach better communication .......this isn't about a situation with evil........hope you are able to understand the difference. ❤

[@darralansman9895]

This interview! The two of you together brought so much clarity to what I've heard for years. It's taken a long time for my logical brain to transfer some of these things into behaviors. I can hear ideas and strategies and say " I understand that," or "I totally agree with that!" It has taken a lot longer and A LOT more frustration before finally transferring the knowledge into behaviors. And I used to teach that as a certified cardiac risk management specialist! It doesn't matter how much you know if you don't change your behavior. Thank you both.

[@healthyintention]

I try hard to keep my sense of humor. When I lose my cool, I am never proud of it later.

[@sarahcallahan5268]

JEFFERSON FISHER! Love your content, thank you for what you do! You too, JD!

[@nathanbaxter371]

That was super helpful. Glad I accidentally found this channel. I really enjoyed the practical situational walkthrough. That’s what I struggle with and need more help with. Great job!

[@thehumanproject5224]

Loving the interviews!

[@pc9390]

Been a follower of you both! What a great interview!! I appreciate each of you 🙏🏽

[@carolannstevens5814]

This was FANTASTIC!!! Love you Dr. John!!!

[@jackieboo6776]

Yes more interviews!

[@cromano370]

Loved this!!!!

[@Vinman861]

Awesome conversation guys! Thanks for being vulnerable at the end…very relatable and very helpful.

[@user-xj7gv8su2b]

Two of my favorite guys. Thank you!!!! This was amazing!!!

[@chimdi]

Such a great conversation!!!

[@nancymoreland3711]

The first time I heard Jefferson speak on his video, I was wowed. I thought if I practiced his communication advice, I can be that better person. Right away I wanted to follow him on Facebook. I believe Jefferson has a good heart to want to share with people what he has learned. Thank you for sharing this interview. ❤

[@pricklypear7497]

Awesome interview.

[@nancymoreland3711]

Thank you Dr. John. You are a good interviewer and did great interviewing Jefferson Fisher. Hearing you speak was very interesting. ❤

[@gugokung]

Thank you John and Jefferson. This talk blow my mind for real and I’m glad that I use it in my life and it works very well. Thank you again you guys!

[@sbrown8937]

I loved this conversation so much. Soooo incredibly helpful. Thank you for doing this!! 😊

[@rhondagriffith2159]

I just said this to a family member after harsh words were said..."We can do better"..God's standards and mine are higher.

[@cleliaparnell8743]

I like to say "we're better than that", but I'm going to borrow your phase too. 😊

[@babettelenz7995]

OMG Jefferson Fisher!!! I love your smile!

[@ashjain9687]

Amazing content!

[@MrCelticatheart]

Seals are trained to deflect, and stay on mission!!! Super awesome.

[@glendawall5740]

Love the interviews....

[@1stgenhustle461]

LOVED this interview! More, please! Came across Jefferson Fisher’s short videos online before and it’s great to get to know more about him as a person and get a better, slowed down take on his perspective through a long format video. This guy could teach a conflict resolution/negotiation/general communication master class.

[@bumblinagirl2683]

I believe he's got a book deal!

[@jasoncampbell4203]

Great episode

[@pinkfab5274]

My two favorite social media personalities 👏👏👏😊

[@joamigg]

“Meeting of the minds” yeah he’s definitely a lawyer lol

[@susanl5682]

Love both are humble christian men Wģat a blessing .

[@andreashinsg]

I love your videos... watching from Singapore😊

[@justchilling_.]

So good 👍.

[@Yo_soy_Annna]

Have this dude BACK! 💓

[@monsitime9370]

🎉❤ great episode

[@crystalwynn3910]

That dining table was made in India out of solid wood specie name Sheesham. lol. I love wood furniture! 😂❤

[@Mel-qz4xj]

Callers, but have enjoyed and learned from the interviews you’ve done

[@cmdny11]

I was wondering what was their connection! Makes sense!

[@tabloj7709]

What?😮 My two favourite people 💙💙

[@jaimeaaron5120]

You asked on the podcast if we like you doing interviews. I do. I have a show suggestion, an interview with the man of the hour, Oliver Anthony.

[@faze_fresh1236]

Great advertisements during video👍

[@brookebales2931]

I hope at the end when he shares the story about the wife who took a breath and said “I can do better” then the husband (who never said anything like this) said “I can do better too”….. hopefully wasn’t meant like could do better with someone else! Haha. Assume not since how she shared it and sounds like things got better 👍 Great interview! Learned a lot. Sharing.

[@nicolestanford4955]

Dream team!

[@pinkfab5274]

"Nobody can make me say what I do not want to say." -Atty J. Fisher

[@teenyverse7707]

I won an argument with a lawyer during a family function... she came in already thinking she had won... to say the least, I put her in her place and she had to be told to walked away. Not all lawyers are good outside of the courtroom, they're usually the bad lawyer.

[@susanl5682]

I really wont brag about that.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Things that never happened

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@teenyverse7707 - since when does a lawyer attend a family function?? what do you want ... a Congressional Medal of "Honor?" ehhh?

[@bumblinagirl2683]

Things to say to diffuse.. How was your day? Maybe you're right. I can do better.

[@darralansman9895]

"The power of the pause," and "the last one to speak, loses!" I have this note on my mirror, " What's the most empowering thing I can do in this moment? " And I have stuck it with duct tape, reminding me to tape my mouth shut if I have to!

[@ChrystalSafariRoy]

He’s so TALL!

[@mvbergieb]

Jefferson's suggestion helped me handle a recurring crazy making interaction. It no longer plagues me!!! I can't thank you enough Jefferson for your brilliance and generosity in sharing and for you John for having him on, not to mention your own fantastic show.

[@lyslilylirio]

Jefferson Fisher ROCKS more than The Rock🎉.

[@pcharm3711]

12:00 he could step in and take the lead in helping with the kids for the rest of the evening. Make up for that time you lost.

[@j0yfulblessings]

My husband is either quick to apologize so i "cant be mad" or I'll know he's lying but will never fess up until I call him out.

[@nicholasrostykus1019]

You should put Jefferson’s name in the headline. He’s not just a “lawyer”. It would help both of you. More people will find your podcast because they are fans of Jefferson and vice versa.

[@ChrystalSafariRoy]

I was advised to become an attorney by the school counselor after being called to the office as a junior in HS after a ‘cute’ stunt I may or may not have pulled celebrating my boyfriend with confetti that i didn’t realize would be dragged down 3 stories and across campus 🎉😂

[@butterflysandrainbows4444]

Is that the same room you started the show in ?

[@apkeeney]

Starts at 5:05

[@ajk4448]

The Rock is a no for me. Dewayne could take some (read the room) advice.

[@user-jw1bl4hq9j]

If you are arguing like such ….prepare you WILL BE SINGLE FOR A VERY , VERY LONG TIME . A lawyer place is in the COURTROOM AND NOT IN A MARRIAGE.

[@labellegene7971]

Where in the title does it say to argue like a lawyer?

[@godsyllable]

⁠@@labellegene7971the thumbnail literally says “argue like a lawyer”

[@justinbowman2126]

How about watching the video instead of reacting to a thumbnail.

[@Kevin.Grindel]

This lawyer stays cool and logical which is what is needed in a marriage

[@Natalia_85]

So you are saying lawyers can't get married? That's so logical. I will always listen to what you say. Said no-one. Ever.

[@silksatinsilver1]

As a mom, I disagree with Jefferson’s suggestion “you need to learn to be happy wherever you are bc life will always be hard”. There are harder seasons, especially with toddlers, and easier seasons, such as when all your kiddos have been moved out and been paying their bills for half a year or so.

[@susanl5682]

NOT ALWAYS .It varies My kids are extremely well qualified and hard workers and achievers ..And I am grateful for that but I miss their baby and toddler times uptil university .When they are achievers they are extremely busy .

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Nope. You are not right. I will not argue, but you will see one day. Unless you just can't wait to not be responsible for the children you created, which sounds like may be the case.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

@@show_me_your_kittiesYou sound like you are projecting. Who in your life told you that you were not worth having peace? Because you are worth it.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

@@murraybeachtel8585 lol ummk

[@show_me_your_kitties]

@@murraybeachtel8585 LOL oh you are fun.

[@jhlee5361]

33:49

[@Flaredragonking]

This interview was really cool, but make sure to keep adding the clickbait titles otherwise my stubborn self will say "Why do I care what some Jefferson guy has to say?"

[@OnaFaithJourney]

Who are the Car Dasheons? Lol

[@demon-mk2jm]

Acknowledging that you work hard doesnt mean you're manipulative. Tons of these words "narcissist, manipulative, toxic" has lost all meaning over the last decade.

[@debbievillalta4397]

Well, I just listened to half of this. I’m sure that guy had a lot of interesting things to say if he was allowed to speak.

[@susanl5682]

ITS THE DR JOHN DELONY SHOW .YOU CAN LISTEN TO HIM ON HIS OWN PODCAST .HOW NASTY

[@apkeeney]

I feel the same, the host had to interject into every story his guest told. Hard to listen.

[@victoriamorris8678]

how was your day sounds passive agressive in that situation... lawyer stuff I guess. I fail to see the point of that interview. Sorry.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

It’s to break the ice of the tension. You interpret it as sounding passive aggressive but, it’s really a way to release emotion before you go off on your partner! It’s a very useful technique!

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

People can also choose how to interpret and be wrong… Many times I have stepped back, taken a breath and genuinely tried to be calm and courteous to my husband during accusations and fights… Many times his own insecurities and unresolved issues cause him to see it negatively and respond poorly. Sometimes even harshly or rude. Its hard and I sometimes fail but I try to remember that and diffuse rather than defend. Yes, passive aggressive could also be what someone is actually doing but I would hope you know them well enough to know the difference. I know hubby is sadly used to passive aggressive behavior and guilt trips with his mom growing up. So he naturally thinks most women act this way. For a long time I allowed him to sort of push me into doing that-still chose to but was dumb and stupid not knowing how to avoid it-wish I had been more aware like I am now. We cant choose for others how to interpret. We all misunderstand…better to believe the best until they admit they meant the worst. Hard thing to do during stressful moments.

[@victoriamorris8678]

thanks a lot what you are saying really helps@@Jaxmusicgal23

[@nikkita1688]

That sounds like projection, respectfully.

[@zakassim]

drop the intro, too long and unnecessary to the podcast! maybe in the end if you're attached to having a 5 min just for you and the community. respectfully

[@tomnohmy1273]

Argue like a karen?

[@Welcometothenow]

Now this is brutal.

[@JK20239]

Overrated profession. Do you need to take on 6 figure debt to study what you can learn on google.

[@susanl5682]

Wow ignorance of the law excact punishment .And English is my 3rd language .What about all the serial killings going on in the US now What if all the lawyers argued like you ?

[@show_me_your_kitties]

You sound like a train wreck.

[@jhlee5361]

33:30