I often feel this way, too. But as your mom rightly stated, it is a celebration of life. The yoruba have a saying "eni omo sin lo bi mo." But I also feel it is better to celebrate our parents (people in general) than wait till after they die before throwing a lavish ceremony. For those who have financial means and blessed to take care of their family, please do the needful while your loved ones are still alive to experience and enjoy the love (eat the fruits of their labor). As for the oyinbo way of burying their people, burial cost is quite expensive in the Western world too.