Let's Chat | Making Friends Is Hard

[@WithWonder]

Ah! You guys! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to the comments. We were out of town for the last 4 days and I couldn't get here. I will do my best to respond to as many of you as I can over the next week. I just want to say that I am BLOWN AWAY by your sharing and your support. I am so grateful for this amazing community. So much love to all of you 💕

[@jonimatthews]

Great looking forward to your reply..

[@daec4167]

Yes! Girl! This is my m.o. to a “T”. I’ve even apologized repeatedly for being a “bad friend “. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. Much love and hugs to you. ❤️

[@crazyhippifish]

Pretty Neat Living I have always thought you were an amazing women! Be authentically you and you will find you best friend! I believe everyone women has a best friend soul mate!

[@TatteredAndTornPages]

100% right on Jen, everything you said. 1. You ARE _____ 2. Use YOUR love language. Like you, I have reached out w/ dismay. To the point I have retreated for yrs now. For instance, I've wanted to reach out to you, a care package even, like you really need it (wink) Anyway. Your spot on ♡

[@TheMrsDolittle]

Jen, that was beautiful! Thank you for sharing and opening your heart. I can SO relate with everything you shared. May you find your besties in the new year. {{{HUGS}}}

[@doloresmiller6646]

Oh no! You are going to get sooo much advice. Lol Ok, I’m going in... We make friends in school because of proximity, repetition and a shared experience. Repetition is key! Find an activity. Art class? Food bank? A plant-based Meetup in your area? Do it weekly. I wouldn’t focus on “friend-making” and maybe stop playing therapist with yourself and just enjoy an activity. And I’ll say this with love, no more gifts to casual acquaintances or even new friends. Too much! Save your deep love for your family and the closest of friends. You clearly have a huge heart and you’re intelligent. Having said that, we can make ourselves crazy with too much self-analysis. Some people need to be more introspective, lol I don’t think that’s you. ❤️

[@CSLT99]

Yes!! This is SO true! Well well put Dolores! Repetition is key! Attending something on a weekly bases (fitness class, dog class, art class etc) you'll find it easy to make friend :) Also as your kids get older and attend weekly lessons or kid events I bet you'll make other mom friends easily! Kids and pets can build a bridge to facilitate with making friendships naturally because when the kids or dogs get along and you spend time together frequently.

[@TessieDobey]

This is what I had to do

[@bluethoughts2581]

This is really great advice. When I lived in LA, there was a scene I was into and met some really cool people.

[@debvicpretty]

I totally agree with the gift thing. If someone gave me an extravagant gift I would love it, but then feel bad about myself if I couldn't give an equal $ amount back. Silly, but feeling like equals does factor into relationships.

[@YT4Me57]

Wisdom.

[@sarahchetty3309]

Jen, if you want to make friends, you have to leave your house. Go to your church, join the churchs MOPS group. Take Donny to a music class. It'll be good for both of you. It's hard to make friends as an adult but you have to make an effort.

[@marieh5567]

Jen, please, leave the house with your children 3x a week. Go to the library, take them swimming, go to an indoor play group or a Moms Group. Chat with other Moms over your shared interests-your children-& let friendships happen organically. Your children need you to model normal, adult friendships for them. & you need to experience one too.

[@WithWonder]

I'm trying 😊

[@marybethschultz202]

Pretty Neat Living Jen, I agree with Marie here too because you need friends you can look to for that “mommy” support, BUT I would like to add that maybe you need to do things that are only for you as well. I’m going through something similar (but in a way completely different because I’m not a mom which I know can be isolating). I used to be very good at making friends in school, then through work but after we start drifting apart the effort to keep us together gets more and more tiring then it gets to a point where we only really “like” each others posts on facebook and I miss that connection we had. I also miss who I was as a friend, if that makes any sense. I’m 33 and I don’t know if it’s part of a life crisis time in our lives or what. I’m also a substitute teacher and find it difficult to make friends at work because to be honest I semi put up a front knowing that I’m only there for a short time and I have to kinda impress people in order to get called back or get a contracted position. I often end up sitting alone at lunch in the teacher’s lounge. I know it sounds sad, but so much effort is put into feeling comfortable in a new place everyday, meeting new kids and teachers, literally dressing up and doing up my hair trying to impress them that I’m a little too emotionally exhausted to jump into a conversation that I don’t even know I’ll fit into. I’ve also felt for a while now, as I’m sure you might have too as a mother, that I was always “someone’s someone”. I miss me! And I’ve had this conversation with my sister, who is my best friend (though I- like you- would like people outside of my family). Since my dad died I’ve been my mother’s caregiver who has dementia. I’ve literally been spending my days looking for ways to keep her independent and remembering who she was and then when I’m not doing that I’m preparing to become an aunt for the first time and making sure my sister is okay and trying to reduce her stress and anxiety over it all and helping my brother-in-law feel happy (I’m a gift-giver too! Mostly in the form of handmade cards). That’s how I’ve been spending my time really, caring for someone else. I’m also a nanny which adds to the “someone’s someone” role. It really didn’t hit me until only recently that I felt that way (or realized what I was feeling) - that I wasn’t me anymore, but belonging to someone. So I tried to think back on when I felt like me or what traits I have that feel like mine. I thought back on high school when I felt I was really coming into my own and remembered that I was a great artist and musician, so I’ve gotten back to drawing again. My sister got me into bullet journaling and I’ve started doodling in it like I did with my science notebooks back in school. I even began playing the ukulele - it feels good to "learn something" again. I’ve also joined a local chorus (partly because I became obsessed with the choir from AGT this season). It ends up that we rehearse at my old high school which only adds to the reminder of who I was, and still am. It feels really good to be finding myself again even if it is only a couple times a week. I’m still working on making friends- I think that’ll take a bit. I kinda feel like I’m still practicing and getting back into the habit, but it feels more genuine now that I’m “being” more me, if that makes sense. I also don’t think you’re wrong at all for sending care packages and presents. But I can understand that some people may get scared off and feel a sense of obligation because of it. That’s something I’ve come across with gift giving and I don’t know how to fix it either. I don’t think people understand that for you giving the gift feels good and needs no reciprocation on their part. Another thing I did in high school was run the volunteer group and that’s something I’ve been trying to get back into too. It feels good to give without expecting anything in return and for someone like you, who goes out her way to take care of people, finding an opportunity like that might help as well. I’ve been taking the kids I nanny to a local rescue to read to animals that need adopting and I like instilling that service work into the kids. Doing stuff like that may even help you find people who are like you in that way. And like Marie said, go out with your kids and try meet ups with other moms. You don’t have to open up right away. You don’t even have to use them as friends (I hope that didn’t sound mean), but as practice. Like I’ve said, I’ve felt like I need to get back into the habit as well and just using the socialization I have as practice helps me feel more confident in my friend-making abilities. I feel weird telling you to keep some at arm’s length in a way because just starting out you don’t want to come on too strong. I’ve always felt my best relationships started off slow and more natural - I know you want it really bad right now, but let it takes it’s course and build. It feels strange to be giving this advice because I’m in the same boat you are, but maybe it helps.

[@Kaet_RN]

Pretty Neat Living I agree! I have more friends now that I am a mom than before! I go to mommy groups, met friends from my daughters school other moms etc, moms from library story times, kids yoga classes, kids music classes. I had only a few friends and once I had my daughter I have new friends and love them! We all help each other out as moms and give support!

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Marie H.

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

@@marybethschultz202 hi Mary Beth, lets be friends.

[@sarahdufrene7474]

Don't do it. lol Saying this in love, someone told me once friendship is a lot like dating. When you go on a first date and all of a sudden the next day they send you a gift and a long letter, personally I would be freaked out. I have over shared before and been told I was needy. It hurt like really hurt. But I learned that my heart is worth guarding, its worthy of protection. I can't just give my heart to anyone. Same with friends, wait...just wait and see what happens naturally. It's hard but you must be tactful and wise. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Trust me, you are worthy of a friend, you just need to be very wise and insightful about how to get there.

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Sarah.

[@ashleylane8]

Just a note: love languages are about how you receive love, not how you give it. That is why it is so important to find our your loved ones’ love languages, to best love them in the specific way THEY receive love. Continuing to give people care packages because you enjoy receiving them, against all signs that those people are not comfortable receiving them, is not showing them love or practicing accountability. Surely you should remain true to yourself, but just like in any marriage or relationship, compromise is key. You can’t stand in the middle of a friendship and yell “I’m going to keep doing what I want even if you don’t like it because I’m authentic!!” and then act like the problem lies with them..

[@WithWonder]

Absolutely agree 👍

[@JulianaMeows]

This felt really honest and is something I don’t think a lot of people talk about. Finding and making friends as an adult is not just hard, it can be exhausting when you’re dealing with self-confidence issues. Thanks for sharing this.

[@WithWonder]

❤️❤️❤️

[@85kage]

Hey Jen, many years ago you sent me a very sweet care package and a long letter. I was very sick at the time and I just wasn’t able to reciprocate. For a long time I kept putting off writing back to you, and I tried to come up with gift ideas, but I just didn’t know what to say or do. But that’s on ME. That’s definitely a reflection of what was going on with me. I remember wishing you lived closer so that we could spend quality time together as friends, because that’s how I show my affection for my friends. I still wish you lived closer! I think our families would get along swimmingly! One thing is for sure. Your care package touched me. Not many people reached out to me during that time. I still have the little teddy you sent, and every time I see it in my son’s room, I think of our brief friendship in/after college. So thank you!

[@WithWonder]

Wow, Katie, it is so amazing to hear from you! I'd love to get back in touch if you feel like reconnecting 😊

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Katie Gartner.

[@SaltyQueenBee]

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It’s not oversharing, it’s not purging, it’s not indiscriminate disclosure, and it’s not celebrity-style social media information dumps. 👉🏽Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. ~Brene Brown

[@WithWonder]

Brene is 👌

[@tanyasnow98]

Being a stay at home mom sometimes makes you feel alienated from others. I try to take classes/join groups for things that I love to do and through that I meet people with similar interests such as book clubs, knitting groups or quilting classes. I find this very therapeutic and feeds my soul. If I can’t find a group I have even stated my own.

[@nottheeasywaywithbeth]

You are not alone! I feel the same way and have for a very long time! It is so much harder to make friends as an adult and even harder losing friends that you thought were true friends! Thank you for sharing this video! I am a few years older than you (41) I could have made this exact video! Just know there is someone else out there who has similar feelings when it comes to relationships!

[@enjoythejourney1678]

I was thinking the exact same thing!!! These very same words exactly!! Great minds think alike!!! 🙋‍♀️

[@pisicacutecat4869]

Same here.. I have friends, but they never want to do anything together. It's very hard sometimes. I don't work, so that makes it even harder.

[@chaank1069]

Elizabeth Bobb same boat. 41 and haven’t found my friend! Used to work and stopped 2 years ago when second Baby was born. That ended friendships at work. Really tough meeting new ppl and I live in NY that’s full of so many ppl. Lol

[@WithWonder]

It makes a big difference to me to know others experience the same thing. Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@donnabowen7318]

Maybe wait for alittle while before sending a gift package. Spend alittle more time and grow the friendship. Sending a gift right after meeting someone makes it look like you are desperate for friendship..I think it might scare them off.

[@MakeupSNOBS]

Oh man... this made me tear up so much. Best advice I have for you is to get out with your precious kiddos.... join a playgroup, storytime at the library, the mall, anything to meet other ladies/moms because you will already have the common bond of the kiddos. Best thing is to get out and have play dates and meet for coffee, lunch, etc. Not only is it amazing for the kiddos to get out and play with other kiddos (strangers) but great for you too to have some adult interaction and potentially make some amazing friends! You got this mama! I’m kind of like where I’m probably too open with people too fast. Like a bad first date. lol 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ that’s me. So I totally get it! 🖤🖤

[@roserains]

You’re precious! Take it from someone who has little in common with you other than some lifestyle preferences, your videos have brought me joy and pleasure for several years. Thank you for just being you. The you God created you to be. That’s why I watch. That’s why even though I’m not a vegan, nor a mommy of human kids, your content is some of the best I view on KZbin. Your honesty, though it’s caused you to need to retreat at times, garners you a loyalty that I know I share with the rest of your subscribers. 💗 God bless your journey to places beyond your wildest dreams.

[@WithWonder]

Your kindness warms my heart, thank you! 💕

[@landonandlisa]

I relate to this sooo much! I am 33 years old with no children, and wow is it hard to make new friends! A few years ago I always felt like it was just me that felt this way, but as I have gotten older I have realized that as an adult its difficult for a lot of people. When I moved to where my husband and I live now 7 years ago...I had no idea what a tough journey trying to make friends would be. Thank you for making this video. Its very relatable and you aren't alone in how you feel!

[@tropicalbchick]

Lisa Baumann i feel like i am in the same boat as you! Im 37 with no kids and everyone around me has young kids. Also I moved to a small town where my husband is from too and dont know anyone. Its really hard making friends inna smalltown bc you are kinda seen as a outcast plus not having kids I dont go to the things other girls my age are going to like kids ball practice, library, parks etc) 😕 sigh

[@landonandlisa]

Its definitely tough not having kids to bond with other women our age! I honestly don't know anyone my age who doesn't have kids. I get the struggle for sure! I also deal with anxiety as well so that add a whole other layer of difficulty when meeting new people. In some ways, its nice knowing other people are in the same situation!

[@lizmilien1983]

Lisa Baumann I am 35 and have 3 girls who are all in school full time, finally, this year. I have so much more time to do things with other women, it’s awesome! I know it’s not common to have a flexible work/ mom schedule like me, but I bet the moms around you would love to have some girl time. Don’t forget to reach out to them!😊

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Lisa Baumann.we can become friends.

[@mariebritton3968]

Jen don't try so hard. You are a lovely person and you don't need to change for anyone. If sending care packages and opening up doesn't work then just hold off with that. That's something you can introduce further on in a friendship when people get to know you. I made my close friends at the stage you are at now. My kids were young and I met friends at playgroup and clinics. There will be other women you see day to day who are going through exactly the same so don't give up. Xx

[@8miggiam8]

I never usually comment on videos but this video spoke to me so powerfully. You articulate exactly how I feel and what I have struggled with. I have an amazing and large family and a wonderful relationship, but I can’t seem to make lasting friendships. I completely self sabotage all friendships. This inspires me to reach out to people I’ve shut out of my life because I don’t feel worthy to have close friends. Thank you so much for sharing - it can’t have been easy!! It means so much xxx

[@lizmilien1983]

8miggiam8 Good for you for wanting to put yourself out there! Send some feelers out into new waters too. There are so many interesting people out there, don’t get stuck on past relationships, they could have ended for a reason. Or they may bloom. So excited for you, keep at it!

[@8miggiam8]

Thank you Liz - you make an excellent point. I have no expectations from the past friendships, except me wanting to tell them it wasn’t their fault the friendships ended and I’m sorry. But I’m very excited for opening myself up to new friendships too 😊

[@WithWonder]

I totally understand that feeling of self-sabotaging with friendships....I truly believe each encounter and opportunity with a new friend, whether successful or not, is a learning experience and helps me find my way towards establishing real connections. Reaching out is *always* worth it even if it's scary! I'm working on this too. Wishing you all the bet in your journey ❤️

[@annel.8855]

I can really relate to you Jen. I’m 36, and basically since I stopped hanging out with my high school friends because they went in a very different direction than me, and honestly brought me down, I haven’t made any true lasting friendships. It is much harder as an adult, school experiences are a lot easier in my opinion. Like you, I have also been rejected a lot as an adult, and it hurts! Nothing is more personal than offering your friendship and support to someone who doesn’t want it, especially when you really thought they did. It can be a surprise and a shock when the rejection happens, as it has with me. I try to focus on my good qualities and my family and husband. I wish you the best. To be honest, as I’ve watched your videos over the years I always thought to myself that you would be a good friend to have. You are pretty open, honest, sincere and smart. You will find someone like that too. I wish you the best. ❤️

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Anne Lee.

[@TheGoldProject]

YES!!! I wish there was a love button. My mom has this amazing group of friends. They have been close throughout their entire lives. I wish I had that because I am missing it in my life. I have an introverted personality and I have trust issues. And, I definitely doubt myself daily. I see all of these groups of friends online, planner girls especially, who have so much fun together. They are always communicating, meeting up, and I wish I had that connection as well. Even if it is with one person. I wish I could give you a big big hug. Much love from me to you. We have so so much in common. I am about to address this same thing on my channel in October. After reading the book, Girl Wash Your Face, I am ready to talk about it. :)

[@TheGoldProject]

Ok, I am responding as I watch. I read a quote pic online and I have it on my phone as a daily reminder. It says, "If I asked you to name all of the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself?" It was like a hammer hit me in the head. NEVER! I would never name myself on that list. So, I have made it my mission since reading that pic to begin to love myself. I shouldn't second guess myself and base my acceptance on others' opinions. It is definitely a journey, but we will get there. Me and you.

[@jenwatters4903]

I think you sound amazing :)

[@TheGoldProject]

You are so sweet. Thank you ;)

[@floridalife4]

The Gold Project .... isn’t it crazy that actually so many of us are all wanting the same thing? We should start our own tribe 😆

[@lizmilien1983]

Life after 50 Being Me I was just thinking the same thing! Let’s start our own tribe!

[@bitOluck85]

I appreciate the fact that you had courage to make this video. I’m in the same boat as you however my journey is slightly different. I’ve dealt with depression for the last few years and in the process pushed all of my friends away (I didn’t want to see anyone and felt like being alone). Over the past 6 months I’ve been getting my life back on track and all of my friends have moved away and started families. So for me it’s like starting over and trying to find new friends is a challenge. I completely understand where you are coming from; just know you are not alone.

[@mmramos06]

Jen, I think it’s mostly social media...our world is becoming less face to face and more comparison and living through social media. We need 1993 back..no phones, no social media.

[@madelineanna6703]

Mms0201 I totally agree!!!

[@simplymarisa8]

Could not agree more

[@WithWonder]

I totally agree with this! It's an interesting time we live in...

[@judimoss3250]

Mms0201 oh how o agree with your comment. Put KZbin down and get outside ; there are all sorts of folk out there, some will be transient joyful occasional friends, others less transient more consistent friends. All bring so much to our lives but those opportunities lie outside social media, laptops and iPhones in my opinion. Step away from the camera, think about others and analyze life less then be ready to enjoy people and everything they bring to us .

[@elspice8]

You are one of the most loving and kind and generous people I’ve ever encountered. I remember watching your vlogs years ago and being in awe of it, because it is NOT something you see in this form often. You have the innocence and curiosity and enthusiasm and pure love of a child and that makes you a straight up unicorn. I can imagine that it can be daunting for others to be close to you and as you said, that’s about their own baggage and insecurity. This video was brave and important and honest and resonates with so many of us. Keep being beautiful you and a tribe of unicorns will come along! 🦄❤️

[@FrancesAlicia]

I don’t have my own children yet but my mum always says to me that you tend to make good friends with other parents when your children start school and you get involved in that area 💕

[@jinh6478]

20 minutes into your video and I have to hit pause in order to write this comment to you! The incredible journey you have been on has given you insight and self awareness in a way many people cannot comprehend and therefore probably cannot reciprocate - on the profound level you deserve. I know I don't know you and vice versa but you have helped me get through my first year as a mother. (I have no living family). It has been a hard year. But watching your videos while washing my baby's bottles each night has helped me feel less alone. The gift you have given us by sharing your experiences is the greatest gift Jen. Everything you said here resonated with how I have felt my whole life about friendships. You seem like such a kind, loving, genuine, clever and fun person. I'm not sure if you will ever read this but if you do please know there are so many of us out there that cherish you! X

[@beccae6504]

Just being honest. Sending a care package and a detailed oversharing letter at the beginning of a friendship is TOO MUCH. Stop doing that immediately. I think what you are looking for is a best friend, and those do not happen quickly. You just need some people you are friendly with at the beginning and let a friendship build. Don't go looking for a best friend. Friendships aren't the same now as when you are in middle school and that's ok. You need to practice small talk first also, like at the library or park. I say this as someone who has moved every 2 years bc of my husband being in the military and having to start over every single time. It ain't easy. But just find somewhere to go regularly. For me it's MOPS. I don't expect to find a best friend everywhere we live but at least I have a group of people who I know. And don't make it about you. Ask them questions about their lives and kids and just go with it and chill.

[@lauraamelie4747]

YEP!!! Amen!

[@debvicpretty]

This is good advice for me. When I meet someone I click with it makes me act weird because I want to make them a best friend when I should just get to know them without pressure.

[@TM-qs5pe]

Gifts and letters - too much. Comes across as too needy and insecure. Just relax and let it happen. That can come later.

[@bluelove33]

Very well said!

[@WithWonder]

I agree and I've already started changing my approach 😊

[@Lrschristy]

Jen, you have such a kind & giving heart. Please continue being your true self and genuinely putting yourself out there. I know you will find some kindred spirits to get close to and build wonderful friendships with. I wish we could be friends, but I live far away from you in North Carolina. Just know that I am on the same journey as you right now as I seek out friends local to me so that I can have an in real life “tribe,” for support and connection. I have been watching your videos for years now, and the things that you have shared over the years have helped me to be a better, happier, more genuine, and more productive person. Thank you so much for being you! Best of luck. I am rooting for you!

[@AnaIngold]

You made me cry because I completely understand everything you shared. I understand your emotions completely with this because it’s me. To a T. I suspect that like me, you are a highly sensitive person. I discovered this about myself not too long ago. It’s most likely why I suffer from anxiety as well. I also overshare, overdo and “scare” people off. But we shouldn’t change who we are to accommodate others because I believe that being a highly sensitive person is one of my strengths even though sometimes it makes me feel awkward and alone. I think so much of the world can be cruel and cold that being someone who wears their heart on their sleeve and wants to share love is a bright and beautiful thing. You will find your people Jen. And you won’t have to change who you are to get there. Thank you for sharing this ❤️

[@leeleescraps]

Ana Ingold same

[@AdventureswithAmirah]

I absolutely agree, Ana!🌷. My husband finally made me understand that this is the very part of me that makes him love me the most. I used to beat myself up about it, but now I embrace it and feel like being so sensitive is a true blessing in my life! 😊

[@jldishman]

Ana Ingold I completely agree. I’m HS and feel all of this.

[@AlliesBest]

Thank you for being so brave and raw with us. Making friends as an adult is HARD, I agree. I really connected to what you said, and I’m so motivated by YOUR motivation.

[@gldnkltz101]

I know for me, I'm uncomfortable receiving gifts because my mother always tried to buy my love growing up by giving me extravagant gifts while still being verbally abusive. Thus, when people give me gifts now I feel indebted and ultimately uncomfortable and don't know how to respond. So yeah, I'm just confirming that you're likely not the problem- it takes time to find friends who you are compatible with in the long term :)

[@ShelleyLeeDesigns]

Jen, I wish you could see yourself the way we all do. You are such a lovely, caring, kind person. Believe me, if people do not reciprocate that, the issue is with them, not you. Most people would be honored to have a friend like you. I can relate to so much of what you're saying. It's hard to make friends when we get older. I know with being in a wheelchair - and hubby and I not having children - it's a struggle to meet people we have anything in common with. Take heart, Jen and know that you are loved.

[@les3cs]

MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers, is an amazing program and should be available at many churches in your area. It combines faith, an opportunity for CC and Donnie to be with other children, and a chance to connect with other moms. I'd back off from the gift basket or the over-sharing letter. It may be your love language but I think it is too much of a response to a first time encounter. Get together for coffee or a play date with the kids and let it grow from there.

[@les3cs]

Let me just add that I went to my first MOPS meeting on my own, having just moved to a new town and knowing no-one. It took a lot for me to do this but I realized that if I wanted to meet people, I needed to go where I would find people with the same interests/values. I made some amazing friends and we reunited in 2017 for a twenty-year MOPS reunion. We are spread all over the country and have college-age children and even grandchildren now. We've kept in touch through Christmas cards and as technology grew, through Facebook and texting. This was my tribe in the years I was a new mom and my husband travelled frequently and I dearly love each one of them.

[@les3cs]

Don't feel that people are backing away from you, they are backing away from your too much too soon approach. Friendships have to have time to grow and bloom, they can't be rushed.

[@TheFarmerandTheSouthernBelle]

And most MOPS groups put you at a table right away with a group of moms, so you don’t have to feel weird trying to fit in or not knowing anybody. It really is a great way to find your tribe! And most groups are just kicking off their year this month so jump in!

[@WithWonder]

TFS! ❤️

[@simonemiranda5882]

I just want to hug you. I relate so much. After high school, I slowly started drifting from friends. They were into the party scene and I was ready to start a family. I got married at 22 and last year we had our first baby. I'm turning 30 next month and thought I'd have this close circle of friends by now. Nope. None. I put myself out there. My son and I go to church, go to the library, the park, etc. I am an introvert and I really push myself to try to talk to other moms but I honestly feel like we don't click. My family is a "traditional" family. I stay home and that is my job. My husband is the money maker. Alot of moms I've spoken with don't agree with our family dynamic and that's what makes it hard. I see nothing wrong with sending a gift or letter. I am someone who would feel so special getting that! I still write letters and thank you notes! I wish I knew you in real life. You seem like the exact friend I'm looking for! I grew up in Chicago but now am in Indiana. You stay true to you. As lonely as it gets, I'd rather be lonely than have friends who really aren't friends. Hugs!

[@danjello16]

We joined a local co-op preschool where we only go a couple days a week but it was so helpful in making other mommy friends! You are a little community where you can lean and learn from each other.

[@ShannonKetchum71]

Oh Jennifer! You are most definitely worthy of love and acceptance. Fear of rejection can be so crippling. I have struggled with it my entire life. I’ve always had good friendships but I’ve also been hurt by people I have trusted deeply and I have to force myself to recognize that it isn’t my fault if someone is cruel and disloyal ad not allow their actions to define me because of their rejection. It’s a lifelong journey. I have learned to love myself for who I am and be authentic regardless of how other people treat me. I suggest getting involved in a local bible study, mom’s group, crafting classes, and anything that interests you where you can meet people who have things in common with you and allow yourself to be vulnerable. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. Hugs girl!!!!!

[@KatieJoMikell]

Jen.. i’m not sure about the gift giving and the letter writing, if one of my friends started doing that I would wonder why and it would make me feel obligated to give gifts back and I think I would walk away from that. I’m just being totally honest with you, I think you should stick to the gift giving and letter writing to your family members ❤️

[@Mere927]

Katie Mikell aww I think it’s sweet. When I see something that reminds of me of someone i care about I love to surprise them with it. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant at all :)

[@KatieJoMikell]

Absolutely Meredith, but I personally would save it and give it to my friend on their birthday or Christmas.

[@Mere927]

Reminds me of the book about 5 love languages which includes gift giving - hey it takes all kinds :)

[@WithWonder]

Totally, I'm already changing my approach 😊

[@KatieJoMikell]

Pretty Neat Living You be you Jen, just sharing my thoughts XO

[@jacquelinepeterson5156]

My heart goes out to you and you're so brave to openly make yourself so vulnerable on this public forum! Your experience hits so close to home for me and it's refreshing to hear someone be so honest. I live in the same frame of mind and am currently on a search for friends as I wrap up school and have incredibly more free time. It's difficult as a mom to find other moms willing to invest time towards a new friendship. Just keep being true to yourself and the pieces will eventually fall into place. Sending good friend vibes your way!

[@kristieprice8015]

There are ALOT of us out here just like u! Please know u are 100% just saying outloud what sooooo many women fight internally!

[@sandyK808]

As I’ve aged, my friendships have definitely changed! You are very reflective and thoughtful and that will help guide you. When your children enter school that will provide opportunities to meet others with similar interests. I’m so glad you see you do have a full and beautiful life. Sprinkling in a few gals to hang out with will be icing on the cake.

[@Grace26262]

I am watching your video and it is hitting me hard!! I just want to say one thing. You are going through a time in your life that everyone goes through, but I promise you your life is about to change. When your children go to school you are going to start connecting with women who are just like you. Making friends happens when life situations present themselves. That will be a major opportunity for you. As long as you want it badly and make the effort it will present itself. Stop analyzing yourself and relax and if your feelings are legitimate you will connect with someone. It will happen. It’s just the way of life.

[@WithWonder]

👍👍

[@charcharbing27]

Jen this was such an amazing moment to share with you because I struggling with making those kind of friends in my adult life . Growing up I had an amazing group of very close friends but though we stay some what in touch it’s not the same. I make acquaintances easily but I haven’t been able to bond to women like I did when I was younger. I am the type of friend I’m wanting .. someone who loves me, will be honest with me, thinks of me, supportive. But I’m finding women who are surface friends they don’t want share emotions and work on friendships they just want to have fun. I wish we lived in the same area. But I think you are an amazing person be the friend you like being, don’t judge yourself or put pressure on yourself. You deserve an amazing group of friends who will love you the way they love you.

[@bonniemclean6285]

You need to sign up for mommy and me classes, music classes etc. Look at your local JCC! I met friends when my daughter was practically a new born. Didn’t stay close with all, but 23 years later still going strong. Make it about your kids, not just meeting friends. Ask after a couple classes if anyone is in a play group. Is anyone interested in starting one? J should offer baby sitting during the class if you want one at a time. How about a Yoga or Spinning class? Get out there and let it happen.

[@toobsessed21]

As someone who has struggled with these same thoughts and emotions for most of my life, thank you so much for making this video; I can only imagine how difficult it must have been. I find your openness, not only on this, but on many other subjects, extremely courageous and refreshing. I too, tend to show my affection through giving; not only gifts, but of time and energy as well. While I know this definitely can come on too strong, I 100% agree with you regarding being true to yourself. In the past, I have "held back" but that, for me, tends to lead to feelings of anxiety. Over the past year or two, I've really begun reflecting on my own wants and needs separate from other people. I love showing affection for people I care about so much that, for me, it's worth the possibility of being rejected. I know many people will will probably say to tone it down or dial it back, and there is NOTHING wrong with doing that; for myself, however, the giddiness of falling "in like" with someone or "clicking" with them - I would rather care for somebody too much, than not enough. Anyway, (haha) however you decide, you do you, for you. Thank you for being brave enough to discuss what is obviously such a personal topic for you.

[@SimplyDonna]

Are there any mom groups in your area? Also taking the kids to the library you can meet other moms.

[@amymerryman9330]

Yes! Library story time is one of the best ways to make mama friends. Pack and lunch to eat at a playground afterwards and invite people along.

[@valvictorianelson613]

Good Afternoon! You ask the same questions I was going to ask, I'm so glad I read your comment. Jen would be an amazing friend to someone.

[@Armywifenene]

Donna Rucci I’ve met some of my very best mom friends at the library 🙌🙌🙌

[@alexwaight3964]

Same! I have made great friendships at Library storytime and MOPS

[@Carolinagirlartbrain]

Jen you are not alone in this struggle. I am a military wife currently living overseas. I know all too well the struggle of feeling like you connect with someone sharing you heart with that person and then not. I actually have found some that gives me peace is having God be my friend and God showing me who I am and how valuable I am. My husband and my children are my friends. Sounds corny but it strengthens our family through a lot. Also we go to the library sometimes twice a week. We attend church were I connect with many other ladies mothers or not. Also our church small group is a couple hours of community for our family entire family a week. Praying for you as I pray for me.

[@emilycameron4024]

Jen, you are definitely not the only one who feels this way. This really resonated with me; it IS hard to make friends as an adult, especially if you are introverted. I just wanted to encourage you, and say that you are so incredibly brave! You are putting yourself back out there again and again, and that takes guts! You WILL find people that value your friendship, because you ARE worthy of having people like that in your life. Sending lots of love your way!

[@TheScarlett]

The most natural way to make friends is yet to come. As your kids are in school you will naturally be curious about the parents of Donnie and Charlotte’s classmates (and those parents will be curious about you as well). You will find like-minded individuals and couples especially if you volunteer at school. Some of my dearest friends are are result of how active I was in supporting education. This isn’t advice as much as to say to hang in there. (My “baby” is a college junior and I’m still close friends with parents I met in his pre-k days and beyond.)

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Scarlett.lets be friends.

[@shelbytaylor25]

When the right person comes along, they will be accepting of you and all of your love languages. I have watched you since you started your channel and have seen you grow so much as a person. I love how much of your heart you share, and that you never love anyone half way. Do not ever let anyone make you feel bad for being yourself, your heart is beautiful and so are you. I hope you meet the right people, or even just one person who can be the yin to your yang and be the outlet outside of your family. I’m sending out good friendship vibes to you Jen!

[@lindsayhamilton8262]

Jenn - I have very close friends that I went to school with from Kindergarten to high school. We all moved away and started own lives and I’ve always missed seeing them. Social media helps us stay connected but we also started doing a once a year weekend get together. Maybe that’s something you can do with your old friends. As far as new friends, I can remember feeling the same way when my kiddos were toddlers. I had an urge to have other mommy friends. I did put myself out there and no one really stuck. But, when my kids got into school and I started volunteering and my daughters started doing play dates, that all changed. I now have a few really good girlfriends that I have made. Our girls do activities together and myself and my husband will do family get togethers and just couple get togethers. Just be patient with yourself! When your oldest starts school, I know you will be really involved which will give you an opportunity to meet some other moms!

[@lindsayhamilton8262]

Also as you know- Brene Brown is such a good resource on how to be authentic and real and vulnerable! You have clearly followed her teachings by making his video! It felt and was so authentic! You will be a great friend! Just find those people who want to be authentic with you and don’t waste your time not those might make you feel like you can’t be!

[@dawnk72]

Oh Jen, sending you a big hug! I have been watching your videos for so long, from back in your myhousewifelife days and thebusybeebuzz, etc, and have commented here and there over the years, and I have always been able to relate to you on so many levels. We are so much alike. I am an introvert, a planner, stay at home mom of 2, a girl and a boy who are 2 years apart, and also have had struggles with anxiety, we seem to even have a lot of general favorites in common, and I am also a lover of all things Disney and Disney World! I can't even tell you how many times watching your videos that I am watching and just saying me too, and thinking if we knew each other, we'd be great friends...this video included! Just knowing what I know from what you share on youtube, you are so genuine, caring, honest, and just seem like an all around great person and I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to be your friend. I know the struggle though, as I have been (and still kind of are) there myself.

[@tropicalbchick]

Im not trying to be rude with this comment but I think you do have a advantage with having 2 small children. You will soon have lots of activities that will help you mingle with other moms to make connections. Like sports, park trips, library trips, school events etc. Imagine being 37 with no children (i had a stillborn baby 5 yrs ago). I feel like I cant relate to anyone at all Bc everyone I come in contact has small children. Its hard. Hang in there.

[@jlyn18]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

[@tropicalbchick]

Thank you🖤

[@hopenfaith3162]

tropicalbchick I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m about your age (slightly older) and would love so much to have children. I can totally relate b/c I’ve lost friends after they have had kids. We have tried but they never seem to be free and will hang out with other couples with kids. It is hard, totally agree.

[@tropicalbchick]

Hope N Faith316 aww hugs! And thank you. What do you & your husband usually do in your free time? I used to have lots of close friends. Its pretty much dwindled down to 1-2ish but we hardly hang out bc like you said they always have somewhere they need to take the kids or the kids are sick etc

[@WithWonder]

Sending love and hugs...I am so sorry for your loss 💕

[@nromney624]

I’ve been a subscriber for several years now, but this is hands down the BEST video I’ve seen you do. Not only do I completely relate to the struggle of making friends (and messing up potentials), but I’m proud of you for being completely open, honest, and raw. Also, I’m literally in tears because I feel the exact same way, but I’ve never been able to articulate it the way you did in this video! You are awesome, and well on your way to having the friendships you desire. 😊

[@mimithompson7188]

i absolutely relate to you, Jen. It's frustrating and painful to blame yourself for not being the social butterfly you want to be. Your positivity toward the end of the video was wonderful to see, I can see how much work you put into loving yourself. I'm proud of you and grateful that you choose to be vulnerable with us. It's nice to know that I am not the only adult struggling with forming new, deep connections. :) I have enjoyed your recent content tremendously. 😊

[@TC-rg3iw]

Mimi Thompso

[@farmtowngrl]

I wish i could just give you a big hug! I have never commented, but have been watching you for YEARS! You are a wonderfully, beautiful, amazing, caring person. You should not give up or change how you show emotion in your friendships. When you truly find your tribe, they will love it and welcome it with open arms. It is difficult finding that when you are older. At 31, i haven't met any new friends for my tribe in almost a decade. Luckily the 2-3 close friends I have we have been able to maintain over the years. But in my struggle to find more friends or a tribe, i have had many of the struggles you mentioned. I either open up too much, or close myself off because i think i will be rejected. Anyways, i just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this struggle, and although I am just someone on the other side of the screen, i see you and i acknowledge you for all the wonderful things you have to offer!

[@35tracyw]

You need to relax a little. You are a nice person. Of course you deserve friends! But, you can be a little intense. Friendships happen more organically than what you realize. I would suggest chilling out. Put yourself out there more. Talk to everyone. Make a lot of acquaintances. One may turn into a close friend. Less pressure, if that makes sense? I think, at the end of the day. We really connect with people/friends through humor. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. You can't force intimate relationships. That develops over time . Try to just have more fun getting to know your new friend. Talk and laugh about what you say to us. Like, about dealing with snot! lol You are a funny and charismatic person, Jen. Just let your guard down. You got this!

[@WithWonder]

I am definitely becoming much more relaxed in social situations and relationships, especially this year I've noticed big shifts in that direction. And I am constantly laughing at myself because obv 😜 lol

[@tracywilliams606]

@@WithWonder awesome! Sounds like you're on a good track 😊

[@wendybrown3656]

I have had the same feelings as you so many times. I also have had a difficult time making friends as an adult. I have one true friend who I know loves me and will be there no matter what. She saw me through two years of breast cancer treatments and was helpful and encouraging all along the way. I used to wonder what was wrong with me that I didn’t have a group of friends or tribe as you say. It felt like everyone else did. At some point I learned that it was okay that I had just one friend and my family. They more than make up for any tribe I may be missing out on. It’s taken a long time and I still struggle with it occasionally, but I truly love myself and I love the people around me-no matter how small the number. You are an amazing, talented lady. Anyone who doesn’t take the time to be close to you is losing out. Be kind to yourself and love who you are! We all love you!!

[@Manythingstolove]

Oh it happens the same to me! I think I open or share too much too soon. You just are a romantic! And we live in a era that kills romantic people (talking in general not about romantic love/couples) it is not easy to find other romantics out there! People are afraid to reveal vulnerable because they think it makes them weak. And are afraid of others when they show vulnerability.

[@LifeHacksbyStacy]

manythingstolove yes I always feel like I pour out my deepest darkest secrets and vulnerabilities too soon! Looking back I would be like woah they know everything about me and I know nothing about them!!!! Then I back away out of shame or who knows what. Also some women use that against you then to hurt you! I find more women are mean girls then I thought and it hasn’t changed since school days!!! Sad!

[@AdventureswithAmirah]

Totally agree! We are definitely romantics at heart, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Stacy, I just had that mean girl talk with my little girl recently, and sadly had to disclose that they don't get any better when we grow up!

[@LifeHacksbyStacy]

Seriously my daughter is in second grade and we had to have that talk last year!!!! Friend today enemy tomorrow! She kept saying “my bestie” and saying they told each other secrets! I was like noooooo! Don’t do it!!!!! Then she found out the hard way!

[@wiinidiaz2982]

I agree with you. These people are in a painful place and just want to share their pain. 😄

[@WithWonder]

I am definitely a romantic in this sense. And I totally agree about your insights on vulnerability 👌

[@bethanykim2710]

Thank you so much for sharing your honest thoughts on what’s been burning on your heart, Jen. My prayer for you is that God will use your past experiences to help you be learn to be yourself, learn to love everything about yourself, and learn to lean more on Him whenever you’re feeling self-doubt. You have so much to offer as a friend, Jen! And anyone would be so extremely blessed to be your friend and walk alongside you. I think you were so right about maybe you hadn’t been ready these past years to open yourself up to new friendships, and I think it was intentional for those doors to remain closed in your life. But the fact that you now feel ready to pursue close friendships is a good sign, and I firmly believe that new opportunities will present itself since you’re allowing your heart to be open! Much love for you!!

[@SharaeNix]

You’re such a beautiful person. I hope you know that. I hope you never let others reaction to that beauty and openness stop you from continuing to do so. You’re right that it’s not you so much as whether the person is in a place to receive what you have to give as a friend. So my challenge to you is to give and open up without any expectation whatsoever. Without the expectation there will be less disappointment and less of a temptation to see it as a rejection of yourself when they don’t latch on. You’re so brave and amazing for this video and I know you’ll find amazing people in real life who will be the type of friend you are to them.

[@AdventureswithAmirah]

So beautifully said!💗

[@WithWonder]

Yes, I agree that having no expectations in return makes a big difference and also gives others the opportunity to respond authentically. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

[@cinderellalinn]

How brave of you to put this video out there and I applaud you! You are definitely not alone. Many of us struggle with issues like this at one time or another. Being a stay-at-home mom can be lonely and feel isolating, I've been there. I wish I lived near you because I would love to be your friend and hang out and just be there for you. I'm sure that you will make friends with other moms once your kids get into classes/sports/school. Thanks for sharing, sending you much love and positivity

[@heidiphoenix4154]

Hey Jen, I know you have mentioned being a Christian in the past. My closest friends come from church. There are usually lots of young families and people with similar world views. Maybe something to look into :)

[@AmyWaytoSave]

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) is a good place to meet other mothers too! They usually meet in churches.

[@Dalen314]

Amy Gail yes I was going to suggest MOPS myself! So so so good!

[@grewohl]

@@AmyWaytoSave YES! Such a great suggestion for many reasons! ☺️

[@montystepura3689]

Me too! I’m in a Bible Study and a Book Club with two different groups of women I have met through my church. It’s taken a few years to find them but I am so blessed by these beautiful women who deeply love God, one another and would do anything to support each other.

[@TheFarmerandTheSouthernBelle]

Yes!! MOPS! Found my tribe there 😀

[@jazzyp11]

Jen! This is one of the most heartfelt and moving videos I've ever seen. First of all let me assure you that you are SO worthy of friends. You have been a friend to all of us watching your channel over the years, and I only wish that could be reciprocated properly outside this online world. One of the things I would suggest is that you find out more about your prospective friend's love languages. At the moment you are projecting your love language upon others - which can be done in time, but you may need the relationship to be a little stronger first. You got this - just be yourself and people will warm to you just like we all do! Sending you lots of love from London xxx

[@MsNursekelly]

Love your honesty. Many feel this way and it helps others to see this.

[@sharoncresenzi3016]

Jenn, you are the sweetest, just be yourself, I wouldn’t give gifts or over share until you are friends for awhile, just be yourself, you are amazing.

[@ArtJourneyUK]

The care package and long letter both sound a little “single white female”. You should let the friendship grow more organically and not just “dump on” the new friend (either materially or emotionally) as soon as you feel a connection. Just because you’ve bought them a gift and expressed *your* love language, doesn’t mean you can instantly use them to dump your issues on. Friendships are give and take. Take a prospective new friend out for coffee and ask them how *they* are. It can’t be all about what *you* need from the friendship, it has to be fulfilling for them too and not just materially.

[@katelyn6039]

ArtJourneyUK I came here to say this! I’ve had friends that were clearly looking to use me as an emotional crutch and it’s so exhausting. Not only that, but just because her love language is gifts doesn’t mean that her friend’s love language is gifts. I feel a little uncomfortable when people I’m not very close with spend a lot of money on me.

[@seasidelife398]

This is GREAT advice!!!!

[@ashafun]

ArtJourneyUK brilliant advice

[@kathyshifflett8461]

This seems a bit harsh to me... :'(

[@floridalife4]

ArtJourneyUK I don’t believe Jenn said she writes letters to “dump” on them, she writes letter expressing her heart and thoughts and probably her gratitude for having a friend to talk to. Personally I’d be appreciative of a friend who can express her true feelings and thoughts to me. It’s called communication.

[@JadaChandler123]

I just want to really thank you for this video. It’s nice to know i’m not the only one who has trouble making friends. Please continue being true to yourself and you will find your group. This version of yourself can and will be a great friend! Good luck.

[@Emimatsu1]

Hi Jen, I have watched you for years and years and re watch all your videos all the time for comfort. I love your honesty and gentle soul it is always so calming. You have been there and made me feel content and happy without even knowing. You are such a gentle person who is so self aware. I know it’s hard to not be in our head and over analyse but You offer so much and have for us for so long. It’s easier said then done but a little YOLO attitude of this is me take it or leave it!!! Because you are so lovely and anyone would be lucky to be your friend who returns all the love and care that you would offer!

[@periwinkleplans9715]

Jen this was a fabulous video! I, personally, don’t think you’re doing anything wrong! It IS hard to make friends as we get older and are out of school. Even more difficult for me is not having kids because I think that’s kind of a natural way to make friends. You just keep doing what you’re doing and be yourself. Anyone should count themselves lucky to have a friend like you. ❤️

[@grahams691]

I resonate with this so much. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life morphing into whatever person I think people want me to be. It’s draining, and stems from lack of self worth, and confidence . I like you, used to have maybe one or two close friends and then as an adult am realizing that until I get to a place where I truly know who I am, I won’t keep successful connections. Jen, I know it’s hard and draining trying to figure out who “you” is, it’s a path I’m still traveling at 33. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of needing to maintain whatever personality, energy level etc you met someone with that causes such anxiety. I think once we realize that we don’t have to maintain anything for anyone freedom will be found. We don’t have to be pleasant 24/7 or whatever we think someone wants us to be. The up and down in a friendship is normal. Don’t fear showing the real you to someone with fear of them leaving. Be you, do you, don’t worry about the follow through❤️ I hope this made sense.

[@andree824]

staycee thomas - Loved this : )

[@Samkeepgoing]

Wow you put this into words so perfectly.

[@WithWonder]

I wholeheartedly agree 💕

[@lisagalvas]

You Broke my heart throughout this video, but you are speaking to the masses. So many women are dealing with this, you are not a lone. I appreciated your words so much, thank you for the realness. I’m sending you a virtual hug! Stay true to you!

[@scrapgirl82]

I am so glad that you made this video. I think this is something that is quite widespread and somewhat universal. (Look at the comments so far as an example. So many people saying they have the same struggle.) I also believe that as a society we are already experiencing the negative results of a world of the technological revolution. People don’t know how to socialize anymore. People have forgotten (if they ever knew in the first place) simple manners. The fact that your gifts and letters aren’t gladly accepted or reciprocated is very sad. I’m not saying people are obligated to be a friend because you reached out to them, but for goodness’ sake, what happened to simple manners. As you can tell, I have experienced much of the same, Jen. I have been mocked and ridiculed for trying too hard. “You obviously have a lot of time on your hands.” I think I am simply being kind and doing the right or appropriate thing, and it seems to be too much for other people. There seems to have been a swingback in society where doing the very least and being the most selfish is almost more “cool” (for lack of a better word) way to treat the people around you. And then every now and then you hear someone who is totally flabbergasted because someone complimented them or thanked them ... suggesting this is no longer the norm. Anyway, all this is to say that I suspect your tribe is out there. You will find each other. There ARE likeminded people out there who will fit your bill. I’m no expert but to me it sounds like you are on the right track and you’re adopting the right mindset and attitude. Hugs to you! Thanks for sharing!

[@practicaltravellers3917]

Jen, Thank you for your courage and bravery in posting this video. This is my first ever comment on KZbin and your gift of sharing this is the only reason I found the courage to write it. I've been watching your videos for years and you and I are so similar in so many ways. This video came on a day when I truly needed it so badly...for ALL of the reasons you discuss here. I felt your pain. I feel this same pain. I never feel like I am good enough for anyone. I constantly second guess things I've said or done. I will at some point second guess leaving you this message. I'm also 35 and I mentally abuse myself on a regular basis because I am still dealing with these kinds of emotions at my age. I feel like I failed at something along the way. Last night I recorded a video meant only for myself outlining all the reasons I feel like being who I truly am is never going to get me anywhere. I feel like my authentic self isn't worthy of love and friendship or even respect at times. I cannot tell you how much I admire you for posting this. I can't thank you enough. (I'm about to say something totally hypocritical but here goes) please don't ever stop being exactly who you are. Like I said earlier, I've been watching your videos for years and you would never have known how inspiring I find you if I didn't muster up the courage to leave you this message. Even if it gets lost in a sea of other comments (I see there are 1,129 at the time of this posting), I have to believe that if it's meant for your eyes you will find it. Never stop being your authentic self, never stop "oversharing" because I know for sure there are people out there (like myself) who think you are really amazing. There are people out there your words are touching who will absorb what you say silently, never letting you know how much you have done to make them feel less alone. I know this because I am one of them. You don't know me but over the past few years, I've gotten to know you and even if we never meet, never speak, I will always carry a friendship for you in my heart. Stay strong. Your tribe is out there and they will be the lucky ones when they finally find you. (So now that I've read and re-read these words and hovered over the "comment" button for about 20 minutes...) Hugs to you my friend. -Erica

[@MA-xv7kn]

Sweet Jen! What a heart of gold you have. I’ll never forget the kind Xmas card you sent year’s ago! You brought me joy complimenting my young son. TRUST ME....you’re lucky if you can have 1 true friend in life. You already have boatloads of friends on KZbin. Many of my Corp Wall St gals have little disposable time to socialize due to work. You’re the same building your KZbin blog, caring for the household, organizing, etc. you are so GIFTED!!!! You’ll be overwhelmed with play dates and meeting so many parents when the kids start school. I get you & understand completely. Nothing wrong with gifts, as it comes from the heart! But a hug is best! How brave of you to express what hundreds are going through at different ages. You have a lifelong friend here!!!!! Wish I were closer to give my hug. I’ve always thought we were similar. Nothing wrong seeing a therapist too. Only as they give great feedback. You have a friend here!!! Touch base anytime! Ro. Xox. You are AMAZING. Go NYU

[@WithWonder]

❤️❤️❤️

[@MA-xv7kn]

Jen’s the BEST! Three cheers to Jen from your KZbin friends! 💖 Keep singing from Toy Story...You Have A Friend In Me! Love your youtube family! Xox

[@lmn1210]

Oh Jen. Let me tell you something. Several years ago I came across your channel, and you were sharing about anxiety. As an adult who has suffered with anxiety all of my life (I'm 36 now), I was amazed to see another person talking about the same feeling I had. I have only in the last 3 years gotten a better handle on it, and have felt many of the same things you have. I grew to love your channel for more than just that connection I felt. Yes, you have a beautiful home, and life, but also your generosity and care SHINE THROUGH. The care you take to make the people in your life feel special is unparalelled. Since I found your channel, my 3rd child was stillborn at 38 weeks, my younger brother died, and also my mother. My anxiety went through the roof. I decided to get a part-time job so that I could re-learn how to speak to people (I couldn't even make small talk). While I would get ready, I would watch your videos, and you LITERALLY helped calm my nerves an anxity, giving me some small moments of peace. YOU have made a huge difference in my life. I live in Ontario, so I guess we couldn't be close (location-wise), but I know that anyone who has that chance will be blessed. Please be who you are, if people are scared by you opening up, that isn't the right fit for you, thats all. You are a special peron and I greatly appreciate you. I think you are so much more self-aware than most people, and the fact that you want to continue to learn and grow is a beautiful example for us, and more importantly, your babies. With gratitude, support, and love, Lindsay xo

[@preservid]

You know it isn't very different than what a lot of "Stay at home" moms feel over the past 50 years. I felt that way until my kids got in to full time school and I got a part time job. Not much, it just got me out of the house,. (or volunteer) I then joined a fraternal group called the Jaycees. My husband then joined and we met people that way. Just find things to do outside the house and do it for you!!! then you will naturally meet alike people!

[@alisonbarrow5711]

Hi I wanted to acknowledge your courageous self in putting out this video what a warrior princess! No matter what our individual circumstances that basic longing for connection is built into our very being.When we move schools/communities especially in our adolescence it can have (I believe)a huge impact emotionally. Building deep and lasting friendships can take a long time just going out connecting...exchanging names sharing small talk just being your warm and lovely self lays a good foundation.Three years ago I wanted to find my knitting tribe..the friends I had simply didn't get my growing passion for making so I found a group and went along...a grown woman feeling really quite shy now I feel very much part of the group and its lovely,I didn't say a lot for a few weeks just tried to remember names and be interested in what others were saying gradually people got to know and accept me as well.The warmest of wishes to you xx

[@charmainecarraway5413]

Jen, I' am so proud of you!!!! Let me tell you it''s not easy telling your story to the world. I'am a stay at home mom, I homeschool my four children and work from home full time and I realized that I felt like you are describing in this video, and what that taught me was I was growing inwardly into an evolved woman and my own right and own skin, and your on your way to having close friendships in the future. Why? You are in a place of real honesty with yourself. Look at how your corrected yourself in the beginning of this video. I love the evolution of the woman your displaying, you go girl!

[@LisainCalifornia]

You are right, many of us struggle with this. I found when my kids were little I just aimed to have friends with other moms who had kids at the same age. I would linger at preschool drop off outside and that would be my friend interaction for the day. Now that I work full time, I have work friends, but we don't often do stuff outside of work and I am okay with that, as I need time with my husband and family and to be alone. I have found work has forced me out of my comfort zone and I have friends with many varied people. Work can be challenging, but also very good at throwing lots of people together and finding surprises at who you click with. As an introvert, it has been good for me. You find what works for you!

[@88lakeshore]

weren't you friends with your nail tech, the one you went to Vegas was a few years ago. Why don't you reach out to her?

[@marissadoingdisney3566]

Hey Jen! Long-time viewer...started watching because I used to work at Disney and LOVED your Disney vlogs! You were actually my inspiration to do the Princess Half last year and loved it so much I signed up again! But this video really hit home. I can’t even express to you how you put in to words exactly how I have felt for years! My husband and I just moved to Hawthorn Woods, IL and are trying to start a family and I personally have many of the same experiences and concerns trying to make friends locally. Thank you for validating that I am not alone in feeling the way I do, and thank you for all of your wonderful content!!

[@StephsSecretSide]

Yes! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way, I feel like I haven’t been able to make friends post college

[@lizlemon4683]

You’re a good person. Well done for sharing this. I felt the same as you 3yrs ago and made myself go to toddler groups every week and kept going even when some weeks I didn’t really speak to other parents. And suddenly I had a tribe! Every year I go I make another friend and while I don’t feel the connection you speak of I feel that’s something rare at 35 and just hope some day I will develop that with a friend. Like you I suspect it’s a lot to do with knowing who I am and being confident in that and not being who I feel the other person likes. I feel so much in common with you, only wish I lived near you and anyone who receives your friendship is a lucky person! Also to add that when your children starts school you really do meet local people at your stage of life. Pick up time/birthday parties/parents meetings all mean you can’t avoid it. It’s a whole new stage of parenthood.Xx

[@jaymesoller]

Thank you for making this video! I feel like I have 0 friends. No one calls/texts to hang out, no girls outings. I’m just on the sidelines hearing from my husbands best friends fiancé and what she does with HER friends.

[@susanmartin8884]

I hear ya!

[@debstephenson6573]

Bless your heart, I will pray for you!

[@lizmilien1983]

Jayme soller I’m sorry! Life is too short, you got to get out there and find some friends! Are you in CA? It breaks my heart to hear any of the women commenting they are alone!

[@debvicpretty]

Me too!

[@candycemaree]

I have been battling this feeling for some years now and every year that I age it is becoming worse. I never knew how to make friends easily, for one, I was or should I say I am really shy and I have a hard time trusting others. I have a lot of crying moments and it really worries my kids and husband, but I don’t know what to do. Jen, you’re definitely not alone and thank you for sharing. You’re the first person that I started watching on KZbin when you were Organized Jen.

[@PamelaGrieco]

Virtual hug Jen.... very courageous video, sending you some grace. I am turning 60 next month and this is something that I too struggle with currently and off and on for my entire life. I envy those who have that circle of friends or even just one close one that they can call at 3am and that person would get out of bed and lend support. Your yearning and emotional response to it is exactly how I am feeling about this topic and probably hits home with a lot of people. Kudos to you for putting it out 'there' in such a sincere way.

[@chaank1069]

I don’t consider myself a shy or introvert person and yet I get lazy when it comes to making an effort to meet up with anyone. I could meet with mommy friends at my kids’ school but I self doubt thinking to myself “would they accept me?” “They are so stylish and in excellent shape, would I fit in?” I like my space and a home body. That’s another reason I can’t seem to make any effort to venture out and join a mommy group. This video is ME too. So thank you for this video as it makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. And I will try to not ignore this bump in my life and tackle it instead. Your video is like a wake up call. Thanks Jen.

[@annegoetz1667]

You should look into a local MOPs group! My MOPs (Mother of Preschoolers) group meets twice a month and it has been wonderful addition to my life. It’s so helpful to meet other moms that are going through the same stage of life as you! Check out mops.org for group near you.

[@caseywilson4194]

Totally agree! Saved my sanity :)

[@srinivasanrajappan2779]

Hi Anne Goetz.we become friends.

[@BrandiN323]

Oh Jen! I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, but at the same time I'm so glad that you posted this video! I think so many of us especially women have a hard time connecting with others on a deep level because we're so self-conscious. I have thought about this exact subject several times over the past few years especially when I see other people getting together with their college friends on a regular basis, when I have no one from college to hang out with. I will pray that you find someone that you can enjoy time with! Just know that you are not alone and you have lots of long distance friends right here on the other side of the camera :-) love you Jen!

[@FrancesAlicia]

I know it’s no conciliation but I think of you as a friend Jen! I’ve followed you for years from way back on the old channels, found you originally because of your love of Disney and your disney vlogs. Making friends is always hard when you get older. Hope you find peace Jen and I’m here if you ever need anyone to talk ♥️ we have similar interests and values and I love the content you share

[@steffaninierras]

Frances Alicia I completely agree. I’ll share a story from something I’ve watched from the content creators I watch and I always share it as a story about my “friend” 😆

[@MissTanyaTV]

I don't really feel the same about other KZbinrs. Honestly, I don't that way about any other KZbinr, except Jen. I think that's because she shares her real life and authentic self with us and I relate so much to her.

[@WithWonder]

Aw, this means so much to me. Thank you ❤️

[@katehensley62]

Yep, feel the same way. I know it's one sided as I know her and she doesn't know me, but I am quite sure if we were ever to meet we would be instant friends despite not having a lot in common (different ages and in different stages of life). I know her heart - I'm sure it's only a matter of someone seeing her the same way we do and valuing those things we love about her.

[@tjane426]

I don’t often comment on KZbin videos but I’ve watched you for years, Jen, and I just love you. I especially love your heart and your bravery and your vulnerability in sharing this video. I too, carried, that teenage version of me around for far too long ... but for me, admitting the truth, even if it was embarrassing or shameful for me (the truth of how I really felt about myself underneath my mask of strong, confident woman) ... admitting that shame to myself and then to others was the first step of letting it go for good .... you are not alone, you are worthy or love and friendship just exactly as you are ❤️

[@bettyo8668]

I'm not going to give you advice Jen. I am terrible at making and sustaining friendships. I'm pretty sure you know what you have to do to make changes in your life. I do applaud you for putting it out there. It is a very vulnerable subject matter because ultimately in all things isn't being rejected our worst fear? As you see by the many comments you/we are not alone. It is a subject worth talking about and thanks for starting the dialogue.

[@nicolasmith11]

I identify with this so much. I’m 24 and find the friend group getting progressively smaller. I really appreciate this video Jen. I wish you lived in my area, I have looked up to you for years so it’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through this.

[@MaryK-iw9xo]

Wow, Jen - I’ve read through a lot of the comments and I hear a great deal of affirmation for how you are feeling and how much people like you. I think we understand how you feel. I hope when your children start going to school you’ll wind up making friends with the parents of their friends. I think you would be an amazing friend.

[@jamminjammie2195]

Jen, let me tell you that you’re not alone. I had the best of friends when I was in high school and even about a couple of years after, but then i or they stopped trying. Life and our own families happened. I work outside the home and still wont let myself connect. I wish i was near you cuz I’d love to hangout with you. I have social anxiety which its why its hard to connect with people. It didn’t happen until I was older, which is strange to me. Ive learned that I have to love myself even if others don’t. Know that you are beautiful inside and out. Be you and you’ll be happier. The responsibility “thing” is what Ive felt over the years also. I’m glad you made this video because so many of us have the same experiences. Love you sister.

[@McDonnellFamilyAdventures]

Wow! Did this ever speak to me. Jen, you and I are very similar in our journey of adult friendships. I feel you. I understand where you are coming from. I instantly form a connection with people and I am all in. Much like you, I feel like this is too much for some people and I too feel like people always back away or reject me. It hurts. A lot. I’ve been there so many times. You need to find your tribe. The people who interact the same way you do. I’m still trying to find that balance. I have found myself in a somewhat new way of thinking in that just because I am the way I am in a friendship doesn’t mean that the people I am in friendships with have to be the same or there is something wrong with the relationship or with me. It’s hard and it’s a constant work in progress but I think it’s important. When you talk about not taking responsibility for the other persons bad mood or reaction or whatever I wanted to stand up and applaud. You seem like such a genuine, nice person. I would want to be friends with someone like you ❤️ -Cindy

[@keylalipo7778]

McDonnell Family Adventures Ditto!! I have often wondered why can’t the other person invest in the friendship 120% like I do? It’s because they are wired differently than me lol. I’m learning to be OK with that because I have to be.

[@AdventureswithAmirah]

💗

[@WithWonder]

Even though as humans we share so many similar experiences, it's so interesting how different we can all be. Fortunately, there's *always* someone with a similar experience to your own and finding that out is a breath of fresh air.

[@McDonnellFamilyAdventures]

Pretty Neat Living Isn't it though? Makes you feel less all alone.

[@aussie721]

I e been watching you from the beginning ! All the way for Australia. From your organising to becoming a mummy. Your social anxiety all of it. This was the first time in a long time I saw a very different you. It was raw , real and very vulnerable. You keep being you! The right people will eventually come across your path and it will be easy. I can promise that!! We have playgroups here, where mums and buns go once a week to catch up. It’s a wonderful way for mums to not be home feeling isolated. Just be you and what will be will be. Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you!! ❤️U

[@katiemc66]

Jen, I so hope I don't sound creepy, but there are so many times where I watch your videos and I feel like we would be the best of friends if we knew each other in person. This video basically reflected everything I feel as an adult. I am an introverted person and I do not make friends easy. I am still close with my high school friends, but none of us live in the same city. I too yearn for a tribe, or even just that one perfectly-in-sync best friend who likes to sit on my couch with me and drink coffee and tea and chat. My idea of the perfect friendship is one where you sit on the couch under pretty blankets in our socks and just talk. I like being home among my things more than I like being out trying to put myself out there. Like you, I get in my own way and sabotage a lot of my opportunities. For me, it all comes down to not having a lot of self-confidence in myself. So, if it means anything at all, you are always welcome to a friendship with me. I'm 39, married, have 2 sons (ages 5 and 3), I love the holidays, I love to read and cook, I love a warm cup of tea, and I am fiercely loyal to the friends I have.

[@WithWonder]

Fiercely loyal = the best kind of friend 💕

[@keylolodale]

Thank you!!! thank you for being brave and sharing your thoughts on friendship!!! WOW! to hear you and read SO MANY of these comments- many of us are feeling the same way! I'm right there with you- loving myself, enjoy being by myself, trusting myself, not holding back or getting in the way of possible friendships, etc- are huge challenges for me as well. Being isolated is so difficult- especially as I hear/see others connect. As i work on building friendships locally-In the mean time, I am so grateful for connections and encouragement I have found online. While we all have areas we can work on, please stay true to you- you're a blessing to many just as you are! Thank you for opening up this topic! Hugs to you!!!

[@katecapurso1211]

I needed this. Thank you. You are amazing and please do not forget that!

[@readingteacher1168]

She really is amazing, too bad she doesn't know it. She has helped me in my life so much.

[@livthelifeuluv8907]

I couldn't agree more! I find myself saying/ thinking this all the time. Making new friends as an adult is so hard. When life's responsibilities have to take priority over friendships (spouses, children, job, etc) it's difficult to maintain those friendships. When you're younger, your life IS your friends. Trying to find people with some common ground who cut you some slack and don't have any expectations. Just want to be there and be a friend in return. Some friends may not be lifelong friends, some maybe only for a season of life but either way, enjoy them when they're there.

[@marissag423]

This video was beautiful Jen 💓 one-way friendships are the worst and I’ve had to let several friends go these past couple of years due to it. I completely understood you when you said you would share yourself and receive nothing. It makes you feel vulnerable and unwanted, but with new friendships, I’ve learned that the right ones come at the right time (just like a partner? 😅). I truly hope you find the right ones, especially with Charlotte going off to pre-k soon! Either way, your internet pals are always here for you ❤️☺️

[@natalie9412]

I've had the same realization, too! It also seems Jen is missing some of the unspoken rules of adult friendships. She may feel like she shares and gets nothing, but she's also asking people to process too much of her right away. It's like giving somebody Tiffany diamond earrings in a game of secret Santa - yes, it's generous and kind, but it also makes the receiver uncomfortable and wary, as the unspoken rules of secret Santa are that one rarely spends over $50-100 for a gift. It expects too much of somebody to respond to that immediately in a new friendship - especially when the participants are adults with full lives.

[@marissag423]

N. That’s true, I didn’t think of that part very much. It would give the sense of trying too hard, but it’s sad because we know Jen’s actions come from the kindness of her heart

[@janicescarano9749]

I think you’re going to see that there are so many people who are going to relate to how you are feeling. I’ve moved from my home town right after I got married and found that it is hard making friends. One thing I’ve learned is that it takes about two years to have someone become a good friend. In that time you develop memories and share the good times and the bad. You are such a warm and giving person that I think you will find some beautiful friendships.