Let's rewrite Red Queen

[@JamesTullos]

My original Red Queen video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p5mQk3qjjb2MpKc

[@serazaydia]

what if whispers can read minds but not control them, while singers can control minds but not read them? but maven's mother is not a singer or a whisper but a secret third thing who can do both, which is the group of silvers that were hunted to near extinction like you mentioned. but publicly she pretends to be a normal whisper and that's why no one suspects that she controlled cal and forced him to kill the king, because she shouldn't be able to control people. plus it adds another layer of horror to her abuse of maven, because he could never speak up or try to tell anyone what was happening, because they wouldn't believe him, what he's claiming should be completely impossible. maybe she even gaslights him and convinces him she's not controlling him at all, he's just a monster and always has been. so he leans into his monstrousness as a coping mechanism so he doesn't have to accept she's using him as a tool and he has no agency, and he believes himself to be irredeemable. you could take this in either direction from there, either redeeming him or giving him a tragic arc. (I would prefer redemption but that's just me.)

[@mitchellhouser1572]

This is an awesome idea good job! He can eventually realize his mother was wrong about him and he really can control who he is and what his future holds and break the conditioning. Maybe he even signs documents to change the government and then ends his life out of the terrible guilt of all the things he did while under her influence. A very tragic character.

[@projectjupiter5523]

this is such an amazing idea, again it helps explain how the whispers aren't controlling the entire world, either overtly or by manipulating leaders behind the scenes like the Queen does here, plus what it could do for maven's character is incredible! its another example of people (here, the Queen) doing horrific things in order to uphold the governmental system that they believe to be the only safe and fair way of life (although the Queen may be a little less bothered about things being safe and fair for everyone outside her and the other silvers who benefit from the current system), just like the scarlet guard, as becomes clear to mare throughout the series. i love this, you're an absolute genius!!! also i find the phrase "a secret third thing" so funny for some reason i think i spend way too much time on twitter 😂 that made this comment even better though lol

[@kurikong2379]

Now I'm actually pissed that this is not the original plot. I wanna read this version sa bad

[@amandapanda5087]

I'd love to read this

[@M24071]

Honestly she should have been the final big bad like maven eventually breaks from her control and redeems himself and then they all go up against elara and the water nymphs who have banned together

[@skinnyjasper3097]

I don’t know how you can call a group of people reds and not make them communists. They say “Rise Red as the the Dawn” for fucking sake.

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

Honestly we need a YA fantasy series that’s literally just an allegory to communism. If somebody wants to take this idea feel free. Who knows, maybe communist YA becomes the next big thing.

[@skinnyjasper3097]

@@marianatheschizoid5912I’m working on a long fantasy series where various left leaning ideologies come to power via revolution. It’s a part of a larger story but it does see some exploration of the various positions from social democracies, to syndicalist states, to full on Marxist-Leninism.

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

@@skinnyjasper3097 based

[@skinnyjasper3097]

@@marianatheschizoid5912 if it did ever become a big genre thing, we would get 50 about how we need to go crazy radical and follow the Nordic model.

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

@@skinnyjasper3097 And a bunch of angry conservatives complaining about indoctrination lol

[@chriscortez2036]

Glad you’re making this vid. It was honestly super infuriating how the story had so many chances and options to do something legitimately interesting, only to u-turn back into generic YA love triangle drama lmao.

[@_spooky_mars_]

This video made me realize how many of the things that happened in book one were purely for shock value (Shade’s alleged death, for example)

[@nevisnebis1207]

Oh, this is gonna be good. Hearing people breathe life into stories with severely untapped potential is one of my favorite things, and especially one of my favorite genres of James Tullos video

[@grimwizzard]

One thing that I think might have made maven an interesting villain in the original series, honest to god, is him being a whisper. Not only would that complicate his relationship with Elara and his own powers further, but it would also make him a more viable threat throughout the end of the series.

[@M24071]

Also keep Elara alive till the final book she is a great villain but is barely used

[@DrowsyScientist]

I was genuinely frustrated that the story had so much potential but fell so flat. I stopped reading midway through the last book because I knew I’d be let down. As for your retelling, the story just kept getting better and better. Can’t wait to see how your retelling further unfolds. I’m here for it.

[@DrowsyScientist]

Just finished the video. Since you asked, I think a Whisper could have worked with Maven through some sort of supernatural therapy to remove the falsehoods Elara planted in his mind and help him sort his trauma.

[@Yokar_mova1212]

*Me writing my book happily" He does another rewrite video *I delete my files and burn my laptop and proceed to call myself useless for a month*

[@Gwestytears]

😢

[@nicole7884]

I know right? At the same time think This will still be a better story then twilight

[@mitchellhouser1572]

What why? Unless you’re the author of this book I don’t see why you would be discouraged! If it makes you rethink parts of your story that’s okay! That’s part of the process of writing and crafting a story!

[@Yokar_mova1212]

@@nicole7884 SAME😂 everytime thinking about it gives me the divine power of waking up and finishing another chapter.

[@Yokar_mova1212]

@@mitchellhouser1572 you're absolutely right But I'm the type of guy who checks 2+2 with calculator everytime in case I might be wrong😂

[@UhOhItsDorian]

You biased my perspective by representing Maven with a picture of Gerard Way in the summary and now I want him to leave the series alive. Maybe disgraced, exiled, traumatised mentally and/or physically, doesn’t matter, I just think he deserves the chance to go somewhere no one knows him and maybe live a small and insignificant life thereafter, can put some good back into the world, even though it can never be enough to make up for the damage he’s caused. Gets the chance to find new meaning even if he’s never forgiven and never forgives himself or never heals enough to find real peace. Maybe he never even learns and just goes on being evil but without the means to do anything about it. Release him back into the wild

[@Yogso-thot]

Hey! I just want to say I've been watching you for a while and I love your content. I'm a minority and have ptsd and I started watching your 5th Sorceress content to fall asleep to because I have issues at night. I just want to say how much its helped me that 1) you call shit out in books and about authors. This makes your channel a safe space for people like me 2) youre funny 3) very oddly calming and relaxing and 4) YOU MAKE LONG FORM CONTENT. Just thanks for doing what you do and keep it up. I hope your channel grows as much as you deserve it to.

[@Aphelia.]

I enjoyed listening to you talk about Red Queen and its flaws, this series is nostalgic and a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, and I think the changes you made to the story are good

[@ribbonquest]

I believe "tamp down" is the more common phrase. Comes from the musket/cannon/pipe loading thing where you push the powder down, I believe.

[@mitchellhouser1572]

You can also clamp down which I believe would also make sense in the context.

[@lenapawlek7295]

Glad youre doing one for red queen! There were so many times where you had a cool idea in the summary video

[@projectjupiter5523]

if they want to abolish the monarchy and other unjust and undemocratic systems of government across the world, shouldn't this series be called 'red president' or something lol

[@almamater489]

Because that would obviously be a spoiler

[@Aurelian369_]

Red Constitutionally Elected Monarch

[@robinbennett1686]

I like the idea that they have to be bleeding, but wouldn't that make the cover story of her being a silver super super easy to figure out? She trains with her powers with other silver nobility who aren't in on it, they'd see her red blood right away.

[@robinbennett1686]

I actually remembered there's a scene in the first book where she gets a cut in training and is instantly rushed away before anyone could see

[@sh1niii]

lets say she has like 1 on 1 training sessions that are provided by the king idk

[@prcervi]

Red queen, after it's been shredded to bits by an editor and stitched back together on a better built frame

[@julias.6658]

James would be a sick editor. Idk if he works in that field but he’d be great at it

[@peachtime]

Wow... this brought back so much memories. I was around 9 years old when i read this book (i am 17 now), and i loved the first one soooooo much. I even remember reading the end fight with dubstep playing, it was so epic for me at the time 😭 (i disliked all the other books though). Im reliving those emotions through malazan right now.

[@Yokar_mova1212]

Hey James it would be fun to do some rewrite videos about actually good popular books Personally I think it would be great to see how would you rewrite or finish actually good books.

[@name1323]

okay so i haven't finished the video yet so idk maybe you say something about it later, but even tho using blood for their magic is super cool, introduces more obstacles and fits the magic system, does it not also make the events of the story impossible? how is our red blooded protagonist supposed to use her powers in front of other people without revealing she is actually a red?

[@Bwugwugwug]

42:00 James you asked if they could "damp that down" (the rebellion). I think they could "tamp" that down or dampen it. Thank you for another good and long video Mr Tullos. I enjoy how you highlight the parts of the book that are good and that you would keep, along with the suggested changes.

[@missducky9575]

Would immediately buy such a series 😂 Your retellings are great!

[@theem3379]

Love your rewrites!

[@Reed5016]

If this book was written like James’s rewrite, I’d actually read it.

[@sh1niii]

hell, i'd be a fan

[@chloesantos8637]

It's interesting how you took the story, great video!

[@metawarp7446]

Always enjoy your rewrites :)

[@jacindaellison3363]

My suggestion with what to do with Maven is to just edit him out. Let Queen Alara still mind control Cal to kill his father and then have her allow Cal and Mare get killed in the battle arena abd declare herself as Queen. At the end of the day, the king had a plan where he wanted control over the reds but not the way the queen did. As far as her powers go, let the queen have limitations: when she's mind controlling people, she is very still and can only be focused on that zone. So, she has to have some people defend her while she's in the mind controlling stasis-for lack of better words. Her reason for eliminating the king and wanting control is because she believes the monarchy will only survive by getting rid of free will. Plus, she's seen first hand of what happens you take power away from people=submission and getting the job done. The queen grew up poor when she was little and only saw that she was far superior if she used her mind controlling powers because she grew up inferior to her siblings who were mind controlling, too-far stronger than her. However, she had something that her siblings didn't: ambition. She leaned that while her powers weren't as powerful, she was more intelligent with them and basically had killed them off and knew how to create. She also saw that when she used her powers to demand better care for her family, it worked. However, it caused her to feel superior, and it made her want more power. She sees herself far more superior than silvers. She wants to be on top even beyond the silvers. Everyone must serve her purpose and only people she sees fit can benefit from her regime. It would be interesting to see everyone battle her. The only way to do that is to use Silent Stone, but they still have to deal with other silvers with powers. Lol, that's all I got! But. It would be cool to see a person who can control minds in charge and do things to make sure the kingdom they want stays there. Also, I'd get rid of reading minds. All they have to do is cut Mare and see she bleeds red. BTW, do they ever explain how some reds are born with powers besides "Oh, mutations"?

[@pRahvi0]

Not gonna lie, it took me a hot minute to remember which of the power fantasy stories Red Queen was - or rather, what were the characters named in this particular book series.

[@ieatbatteries7]

Ever since you talked about it I have seen the whole Red Queen series multiple times in secondhand bookshops/charity shops. Seems like people aren't stoked to have them on their shelves.

[@RMDragon3]

I'm not convinced with Mare being good at insurgency war because of her thieving experience. Maybe it would help get supplies (especially when she's on her own), but I think it would make more sense for her to get some interest on strategy from talking with Cal. Maybe it starts while he is captured, encouraged by the Scarlet Guard to get some ideas on what they might face, but she develops an actual interest for it. If you want to keep Cal being bad at insurgency war, you could even add some points where Mare suggests good ideas but he dismisses them with a "you don't have the kind of experience I do, that would never work". Later, Cal realises he is wrong after a bad defeat and learns how insurgency war actually works. It gives something else for Mare and Cal to bond (especially if Cal apologises), and some more character development.

[@somebody-dv8fr]

This idea is pretty neat, its fueling my "writing a story with a rebellion" desire that i didnt even know existed

[@wightrabbit]

With Mare's group in your rewrite for book 3, it could be where the other lightning/electric powered new bloods come in, Rafe, Ella, and Tyton. They were interesting in the original book, imo

[@shardmaw]

3:01 that's almost exactly like Riven's magic system. then again it is a very common system of magic

[@Banished-rx4ol]

Nothing bothers me more than wasted potential for some reason

[@theblob4741]

Honest to God, I loved this series as a young teen. So I never saw any of these issues lol. But when it came to war storm… holy cow it was so long. So much so that I got so bored reading it despite my love for the books. But I am a sucker and bought the special edition all red book when it came out a few years ago lolll.

[@LilyCWfan22]

The amount of things I would change is crazy.

[@antclotz]

I don't know if anyone really said it yet, but the whole using their own blood to be able to use the power sounds like the one in Malice. Kinda.

[@cixzejy]

I don't know I feel like somehow getting rid of kings cage is step 1 for making the series better.

[@fdoneris]

Red Queen was the very first series I've ever read, and it's the series that got me into reading (prior to that, I didn't read at all), so it's sort of special to me in that way, you know? So I was actually surprised finding out that a lot of people didn't/doesn't like these books and that it's filled with common tropes and clichés of YA-fantasy; once again, it was my first series, so all of the things these books have were new to me, and honestly, I still like the "there are houses and each house has a specific power/ability and their own color(s)" trope. That being said, I really enjoyed your rewrite, and I absolutely think that it is better than the original material (tho I'm not so sold on them having to cut themselves to activate their powers, but whatever lol). And I hope if the books ever get adapted into movies or TV series, they better come across this video and take notes, so they can "fix" certain things.

[@sophhht3491]

At this point you should just write your own story- these points are all so good

[@M24071]

the first book is pretty solid i wouldn't change much, the second one i would dial down mare's whole i am strong monologue every damn page and then mix book three and four into one book and just cut back all the filler stuff

[@lunawolf6288]

Underrated I love it

[@--bebop--5056]

personaally i would change rred queen by making it more like worm by wildbow. That's a really greaat web serial you should read!

[@jimmyseaver3647]

Ah, yes, the series that's taken over at least three web forums and refuses to release its grip.

[@esobelisk3110]

eyy i just watched the first video today! unfortunately it’s 4 am so i’m gonna have to watch this later. in the mean time, have this comment for engagement!

[@terreliv]

5:57 Ooh, ooh, what if she disguises herself as a waitress or smth and some jerk grabs her ass/face/etc to really show how cowed she is/how mean the silvers are - smth like "too bad she's a red, that's a sweet ass" 9:18 Also have Mare switch up and try and evac her sister in her own place, pull a slight Hunger Games Katniss for Prim 10:08 Maybe waitress again? 15:14 With the waitress/tavern wench arc I seem to have accidentally created, maybe it's she's "just" really pretty with "no other talent" so it's relatable as a self-insert and she "doesn't get it" when she's called pretty or w/e bc "humble."

[@sh1niii]

dude, what are those gooner ahh kink projecting suggestions

[@coconoisette_]

james tullos is actually my favorite youtuber atp you dont get it

[@lowconfidencefrog6169]

Baldur Book Man 3

[@Hi-uk1cu]

Yes

[@BandFairy]

Every time you say Norta it makes me think of Kingdom Hearts because it sounds like you're saying "norted."

[@Persephone01]

I really think there should have been more to Maven and felt like he was such a wasted potential.

[@delmattia96]

Thanks!

[@mitchellhouser1572]

Nice viddie

[@peterromeo4379]

Great vid

[@ohnoitsemily1767]

Wait if women are on their period can they use their powers?

[@arkkon2740]

Wouldn't it depend on the power? Like i always imagined that their blood turned into their power, like imagine electro-gooch Now imagine that if someone can turn their blood into weapons

[@iloveazaeliabanks]

I swear in the books someone could turn into rock 😭

[@arkkon2740]

@@iloveazaeliabanks if i had a dollar for every time someone had the power to turn into literal rocks in this genre, I would have so much goddamn money 💀

[@timster_]

my sister introduced me to red queen. i have not yet read it but i was turned off by the concept

[@zealouslyCantankerous]

you're so neat, thank you, king >B)

[@xxcamixxedits]

i really liked this series but i was kind of disappointed because i had to force myself to finish the last two book but in my opinion i dont like this rewrite one the way you said the powers would work was kind of dumb and i wouldnt have worked because people would have seen her blood so she wouldnt have pretended to be mareena titanos two if shade was suspected dead at the start of the book she would not know shade was in the scarlet guard and she would have thought it was the war that killed him futhermore she would have not joined the scarlet guard

[@gavinsmith9871]

Or you could just read Red Rising and save yourself the trouble.

[@sereno2468]

As someone who had The Hunger Games as an introduction to politics, imagine having "Red Queen" as an introduction... not to belittle it, but... oof 😂 I'm reading this series now and it's painful how there are so many pages where nothing happens

[@TillyCorbin]

this video is great but you know what would make it better? you being bald would be the thing that would be making it better in this specific scenario.

[@userabbie17]

i think mare having feelings for maven should be removed fully, when i first read the books i had no idea this was a love triangle thing, mare never spoke about maven the way she spoke about cal, i just never understood why people were saying it was a love triangle, ultimately it could just be a great friendship

[@mediamass1404]

maybe you could have there be a middle grade power and the more metalic the blood the more powerfull with the royals having glass blood blood that shifts in to vhristal the arm breaker could be a deputy who sees the sister touching the perse in the street then the girl could say no i, i didnt do anyting it just fekk i promise i diddnt do anything and then the armbreaker wants to take advantage in an alley with mear smashing a vase over his head

[@oliviacarolinanogueira7769]

Day 1 of asking for a review of Gideon the Ninth

[@Cinemaoftheheart]

Read Blood meridian by Cormac McCarthy

[@Noname47941]

11:30

[@Gwestytears]

This is fanta stick!!!

[@parthkulkarni3468]

You are Aemond Tragaryen

[@lewdawg69]

WOOOOOO

[@CraftsmanOfAwsomenes]

I am engaged

[@ellafever8253]

❤️❤️❤️

[@daytonjob5519]

Algo

[@misskate3815]

Are you allergic to the word “disabled”?

[@almamater489]

Nah, the series is a wasted potential, but this rewrite is dumb.

[@mokhtaramran7041]

i puked when i read it. Seriously.

[@xxcamixxedits]

why?

[@mokhtaramran7041]

​@@xxcamixxeditsI was affiliated with a school library and had to skim thru the books especially new YA. From what i can remember.... the book came out at the end of the YA dystopia craze. I remember it getting into my nerve and i was in the toilet when i was reading it. Many ya dystopia were not well written. Even hunger games is not good per se. It is taken that YA isnt literature but we should expect better writing from authors and especially those with movie deals and large book deals where their books have been successful. I mean there is Scythe but that is not as popular as the known ya. I mean even red rising which is so 'speech-y' should be more mainstream... which it isnt. But i am mainly disappointed with the quality of writing. The material of red queen is... i cant remember but i feel... meh... Stratification of peoples anyone? You can call me pretentious. But i will prescribe you Ursula K. Le Guin and Chuck Palahniuk or even Kevin Brooks. While you at it why not read any of Markus Zusak or Almighty Me by Robert Bausch (yes that Bruce almighty). Write with your own voice i say but it seem that most of the YA authors are still searching for their style i guess. I mean i expect a symphony like Le Guin but i know i should not get my expectations high... Furthermore her books are very applicable here because of the magic systems. Don't get me started with the world building.

[@xxcamixxedits]

@@mokhtaramran7041 i liked the book but yk there are better writing styles and tropes she could have used because now its all kind of cliche