Lets Talk Bipolar/ Meagen's story/ ultra-rapid cycling bipolar ii

[@laurenkayy6500]

I've heard a lot of bipolar people on KZbin saying they feel they're a burden when they are depressed and that's exactly how I feel when I'm down.

[@AngelHawks]

Lauren Kayy Thank you for your comment! Feeling like a burden to our loved ones is very typical to all or most of us. I am feeling this way right now. We can't allow ourselves to listen to those thoughts and tricks that our brains play on us. We can beat this :) .

[@laurenkayy6500]

I have been feeling like that too for a few days.. Feeling upset and a burden but now that I know I'm pregnant again I have to try and fight my feelings without medicine and try and be healthy for my baby and continue therapy. It is so hard being Bipolar but the mood swings can intensify during pregnancy.

[@laurenkayy6500]

I hope you feel better girl.

[@meagenmace]

@@laurenkayy6500 When I went off my meds for pregnancy, it was a disaster for our family. I hope you were able to get enough support and able to make it through pregnancy

[@laurenkayy6500]

@@meagenmace Yes thank you. I made it through pregnancy but also like you said without meds life can spell disaster.. So I won't be having anymore pregnancies. My baby is healthy and That's all that matters.

[@DisabledPsychedelica]

You guys helped me figure out I’m bipolar and I’ve finally got the help I need. You guys have 100% saved my life, literally!

[@AngelHawks]

I'm so very happy to know that we've made a difference. This is exactly the reason we made these videos. Best wishes to you on your mental health journey ❤!

[@Thrutch]

"The medication gets us to a point where we can work really hard." Truth.

[@stephaniepoleson8891]

So good to hear this! I found myself saying “this is me” a lot. Just when my mind plays tricks on me, telling me I am exaggerating my symptoms, I am reminded of how real they are. You have both validated my experiences with BP2. I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety, abused drugs and alcohol from a very young age, nearly jumped off the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and have had recurring episodes of treatment resistant depression and suicidal thoughts. I relate to the agitation, racing thoughts and sleepless nights. I have found myself writing, recording music and cleaning the house at 2-3am. Never been in a psych ward (yet) but was in rehab and detox for substance abuse. I could go on...

[@meagenmace]

It means a lot that our video was validating and made you feel more understood or less alone. It's so hard to deal with this illness when so many people can't understand the basic factors that affect every day of our lives, and I appreciate every time I hear someone talk and am able to say "me too". I hope your journey has given you some healing since you wrote this comment.

[@SamirCCat]

YESS!!! EXACTLY!!! I also switch between different levels of depression and normal, then I got an antidepressant and I got hypomanic. I have mood swings every day and my apart from that medical induced hypomania I always have mixed episodes, where my hypomania is irritability, anxiety, impulsitivity and ANGER! Us people who have mixed episodes + depressions are usually misdiagnosed. They say we are a special subgroup of bipolar 2. Took me 11 years HEAVILY WITHIN the psychiatry (years of in-patient treatment) til they finally listen to me and realised I had bipolar disorder. The difference between me and Meagan is that I haven't found meds that make my mood swings come up in level. I'm still always between normal-light depression and severe depression, never above normal and way too SELDOM normal! My life is a mess. Never worked, live at my mom's at 32, socially isolated, no achievements... I hate it. If I at least had cyklothymia as my core mood, then I'd have more energy. As Meagan said. I'd get up from the sofa once in a while!! I think I wanna finally try Lithium. I've tried almost everything else!

[@SamirCCat]

I'm sorry, but do you mind telling me what medication you tried that made you swing higher up on the scale? As in more energy and less depression? I've tried SO MUCH and been ill between 9-32 yo age. My life is nothing but illness and disapointments. PLEASE, what substance did you take? I seldom meet people from my subgroup of bipolar, so whatever worked on you may work on me too. It can be a life changer.

[@AngelHawks]

@Samir C. Cat I feel ya. It is so frustrating. I'm on my third new antipsychotic in nine months. I liked Abilify but it caused my panic attacks to resurface. I'm currently trying Vraylar but I don't know if I can handle the side effects. I'm so sorry it took so long for your diagnosis. I hope you find a med that works well for you. Thanks so much for watching ❤.

[@SamirCCat]

@@AngelHawks Okay, thank you! I'm on Olanzapine and have been for 17 years. As soon as I stop it I go into mixed episodes, so I don't dare to change my anti-psychotic. I had a friend on Abilify who also got a lot of anxiety and eventually had to be admitted to hospital while taking it. When she stopped it she was immidiately so much better. We all react so different to medication! I got a so rare side effect from one it didn't even say so in the long leaflet and doctors were baffled. I guess I'll continue my search...

[@faywillowstream]

@@SamirCCat did you manage to find something that works for you? if you’re staying on olanzapine, your doc may be able to add an antidepressant like bupropion.

[@NatureHeadSupreme]

Try lamictal

[@shellbeerain111]

A 2013 study found that people with bipolar I disorder experienced a peak of manic symptoms around the fall equinox, and depressive symptoms peaked during the winter solstice. An older study from 2002 found the same patterns in both the Northern and Southern hemispheres.9 Feb 2023

[@santoshjoshi2695]

Megan I understand your pain. I have,suffered for 40 years before I found the correct doctor the right diagnosis and solid emotional support. Best wishes to you God Bless Take care

[@billkress2606]

You two are warriors. The true gut punch comes the moment when you realize that you can't live up to your responsibilities. That you are incapable of living a "normal" life. And that you may have passed this unrelenting affliction on to your kids. When you know that it will be a battle to the very end.

[@AngelHawks]

Keep fighting. You are a warrior too. Thanks for watching 😊.

[@claudinesteenberge4920]

Hurts so much to know the struggles you see in your children are caused by you and your genetics😞 At the same time, I am their best advocate. And hopefully will give them a better understanding of their symptoms, and how to cope with them

[@Christ_Is_Life10-10]

Thank you this was very helpful. I was just diagnosed with bipolar 2 this week. I been taking lamictal for 2 days and I feel better already. I was misdiagnosed for 23 years! I suffered so much and struggled working full time ever since I graduated from college in 1991. I can only work part time now but I’m hoping I can work up to at least 20-30 hours a week.

[@benedictjephcote6815]

This is such a useful video. As you point out at the start (and it still holds up about 6 years later), there isn't much on youtube (from what I've seen) on bipolar / rapid-cycling bipolar. This helped to understand certain things that don't get mentioned in books or articles (that I've seen) on bipolar. Some of the helpful points (to pick out just a few) were: -touching on the difference between mood states between days and the trends that can tie together weeks or longer -touching on how single events can trigger better or worse moods but that the 'background state' is kind of still kind of like the main tide of things -the discussion of medications -seeing how someone else charts their mood was really great to see -actually hearing what a psych ward is like -many more bits too On the bit about psych wards; I've grown up in my adult life basically being terrified of the thought of going to such a ward. If someone had said what you've both put across here, I wouldn't have had periods of paranoia about possibly going to one of these wards at some point. Thanks for a great and helpful video both of you.

[@AngelHawks]

Thank you so much for your feedback and thank you for watching 😊.

[@MrPaddlepower]

How brave of you two to talk about this cruel illness , I'm sure you will help many people, get better understanding of this illness , Thank you to you both . Keep Shining Bright

[@meagenmace]

It definitely took courage :) I hope that the video will help others somehow - that's why we made it.

[@michelleangers342]

Thank you Angel and Meagen! Every day is a struggle to keep things going fairly normally (at best). I have a very difficult time trying to explain to people in my life what this is like. Some understand but many don't and they are the ones that offer the stupidest advice that is so annoying. Anyway, thanks again to both of you for sharing. I wish you all the best.

[@AngelHawks]

Much love💕

[@dahrunriver2924]

What a sweet positivity both of you have in such a challenging situation. Thanks for the charts.

[@AngelHawks]

Thank you so much for watching 😊

[@chellyk9745]

This is SO helpful, thank you ladies. That chart is great, it helped me think of the last few years for me and visualize the patterns.

[@AngelHawks]

I'm so glad this was helpful to you. We have a second video coming soon.

[@meagenmace]

That's exactly why I do it. I chart so I can find patterns.

[@EmberHarrington]

Now there are millions of similar vlogs I guess its just me. I had one psychiatrist diagnose me with BP 1 mixed state. Then another diagnosed me with Panic Disorder. Then others Major Depression. Whos right and whos wrong How does one know for certain if theyre right or which ones right and do They even know for sure ....so ..me I take it with a grain of salt...but thats me

[@Message167]

this helped tremendously.

[@meagenmace]

I'm so glad! I often feel totally alone in this disease. I'm always grateful when we can all have a community and help each other, because we really need it to fight something this huge!

[@MendoBaby95]

i want so bad to make a channel but i cant get the nerve. thank you so much . Keep doing what you are doing ! i appreciate it

[@kimmonks116]

I've had the wrong diagnosis for 19 yrs at least and 24 yrs if including my anxiety diagnosis in 1994..Im 49 and just been diagnosed with Bipolar2 which is such a relief but anxiety about new meds yet I have to try..🙂 Ive been on antidepressants since 2002 and wondered quite often why they didn't seem affective especially after a couple of years...I acted very strange at times..huge spending sprees..mood problems so on..my suspicion it was bipolar2 was in 2004 but this got dismissed by my doctor...I struggled along terribly then on and just always blamed it on clinical depression and anxiety 😕

[@AngelHawks]

Trying new meds can be scary and it can take a while to find the right ones. It took 5 yrs for my psych to get to the right combination for me. So glad you finally have the correct diagnosis and your doctor can treat you properly. Best wishes on your road to better health❤.

[@bipolarrift1683]

I never had any support group in my life and this was extremely helpfull seeing as how I didn't research anything before it was clear I got my diagnosis. Thanks!

[@m.r.preston8919]

BipolarRift same! I'm really struggling with severe mood swings extreme highs to crashing lows. My psychiatrist will not formally diagnose me until I'm 25! I'm currently 22. I don't have support from family and my friends don't bother with me as I got angry with how they treated me and now they've ditched me. Anyway I also care for my mother who has schizoaffective disorder and severe depression. Mum is convinced I'm Bipolar. At the moment the psychiatrist has just put me down as EUPD. I'm so frustrated.

[@meagenmace]

@@m.r.preston8919 I've never heard of a psychiatrist waiting that long to make a bipolar diagnosis. Have you found a different psychiatrist since then?

[@NeamiGaming]

this is exactly like me, I've been misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder, major depression and severe anxiety. I had to tell my psychiatrist that something wasn't right. none of my medications worked, I've been on so many medications that I've lost count. I've been admitted several times on wards, but every time I was admitted I was depressed, when I was hypomanic/manic I never went to the hospital because I felt to good. now finally, after 5-6 years of shit I finally got my diagnosis bipolar. I'm on Lithium now and it feels like it's somewhat working. thank you for this video.

[@AngelHawks]

Thanks for watching. Our hope is that these videos help us connect with others who are sharing the same journey. Best of luck to you.

[@meagenmace]

I relate to an unfortunate amount of what you wrote. Misdiagnosis wastes so much of our lives!!! And of course misdiagnosis means that treatment isn't right either, which also takes time from our lives. I hope that you've found some medication that works for your brain. We all need that!

[@Liio.Chantel]

What website was it that you found, so you found ut that it was Bipolar 2? Great video!

[@santoshjoshi2695]

I was harassed by bipolar disorder in 2022. I had 7 episodes of mania and 7 episodes of depression. The episode lasted from 50 days to 5 days even 4 hours. After 4 hours I was back on track but I could not control my hyper excitement Every time I come out of the black hole of depression I feel super excited super happy super energetic But one day my mind changes from top gear to reverse gear.i slipped into depression again For 7 days daily every day I was alternately super happy and supersad. Very few doctors have diagnostic skills or simple logic. I mean you are doctor But you want your patients to remain disturbed mentally so that the doctor earns steady income If a patient is intelligent he can suggest a particular medication But the doctor gets furious How can a patient be smarter than me to advice me I am the boss. I will dictate medication This happens which means change the DICTATOR doctor and find humane doctor

[@clairemalloy4229]

I am so grateful for this video!

[@laurenkayy6500]

You ladies seem really nice. That is a nice thing to post videos out here to help people become aware of what they are going through or what their loved ones are going through. :)

[@meagenmace]

It can be so lonely to have bipolar, and it always means a lot to me to find other people who can understand, so I was glad Angel and I made this video in the hopes that others can feel less alone or understand more.

[@santoshjoshi2695]

I am a bipolar This year I had 5 episodes of depression followed by mania. Please suggest some way of keeping my extreme mood swings I check because I desperately need help I am fine at the moment But depression is so sudden that you never know when my mind will switch to a hopeless state of depression.

[@santoshjoshi2695]

To put in one word bipolar is HELL in capital letters.

[@vireyes4790]

Thank you so much for this video, it's so helpful. I'm going through the same thing so it's comforting to know i'm not alone.

[@AngelHawks]

Thanks so much for watching❤

[@georgiapeters-gill3309]

Hi, just want to say that I’m super grateful for this video! I’ve been looking for this kind of video for so long and it has really helped me get my thoughts in order. You are doing such a great job!

[@AngelHawks]

Thanks Georgia Peters-Gill! Please let me know what else you would like us to address or if you have any questions you would like us to answer ❤.

[@lisasileo3166]

Thankyou. This helps me to understand what my friend goes through.

[@shellbeerain111]

yes guinea pigs is exactly how u feel and i do believe that its not individualised treatments and alot of shrinks don't care or truly listen to their patients and it can become forceful towards the struggles to get medications sorted it can take many many years to have medications actually sorted out - not sure why this is happening in this era.

[@santoshjoshi2695]

Very nice video

[@visionvixxen]

So what do you really take for this? I’m not taking a typical antipsychotics. Mine is not bad enough for that. Plus my main problem sadly enough this is a big one, but the main one is my ADD and autism/pervasive developmental disorder but I’m just freaking off you take Wellbutrin to motivate or What’s the other one and if you take Vyvanse for your ADD it sucks because they make you kinda anxious or sleepy. It’s never quite right but at least you’re sore able to function to function in the world unless you’re drinking coffee and send you mega anxiety I just like just a support system, my family still doesn’t understand why can’t just be a successful doctor I don’t understand sometimes I think I’m making all this up, but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be and how

[@rebeccarisk1772]

What is the website that lead to your breakthrough Meagen?

[@rebeccarisk1772]

+Meagen Mace Thanks :)

[@catalystcomet]

How is this ultra rapid cycling? I mean this in no offending way, but ultra rapid cycling is within a time period of weeks or days.

[@Noahsoak]

She's awesome.

[@upendasana7857]

Do you not think that the hypersexuality or sex addiction or gambling,shopping or whatever it maybe is more about trying to avoid painful uncomfortable feelings rather than looking for an outlet as such.I just wonder if the symptoms of bi polar are more of a cover for more underlying things to protect the ego in some way against painful or traumatic things.I just wonder what your thought are on this,thats if you are still around.

[@AngelHawks]

Upenda Sana I think if someone is using these behaviors as a cover for painful emotions they might be suffering from something like PTSD instead of Bipolar. Bipolar mania/hypomania is about excess energy (and a lot of it) and needing an outlet to chanel it. Gambling, overspending, hypersexuality, drug/alcohol use, risky behavior, these are all things that give a quick high and use a lot of energy and adrenaline. They help to release that energy. Unfortunately, along with the high highs eventually come the low lows. We always know the crash is coming. The meds are hopefully able to keep us somewhere in between. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. We are survivors. I am currently knee deep in the fight.

[@meagenmace]

I'd ask a psychologist about that. I don't participate in high risk behaviors, so I can't speak about my own experience with that kind of thing.

[@markofsaltburn]

Thank you.

[@teresacunningham270]

I would let u interview me. I am bipolar

[@Skylightatdusk]

How do you do the measurements to create that chart?

[@kenadams5504]

What about a ketogenic diet ?

[@DK-sg3oe]

Anybody Intrested in resolution of thr bpd v can discuss

[@visionvixxen]

I hate this so much you guys we can. I have normal life try having this plus some sort of freaking autism and ADD and realize that when you don’t have your parents or someone is translators for the world and when your moods and energy keep shifting life is like a war every day for the simplest things and nightmare and I don’t I don’t know it that strange combination where nothing you do you should be able to do everything but nothing to do last And everything especially have a development disorder as far as executive function, decision steps, knowing how to do things knowing how you’ll feel doing them if you can do them knowing how you communicate and work with people I don’t even wanna go, but that’s just say that I don’t know if I got worse. I just exist and it’s pure like it’s not where you wanna kill yourself but it’s hell where your life why am I alive? I’m just using resources and I’m even if I didn’t feel guilty I just kind of feel poor than helpless. It’s really not cool, I don’t know what we did to deserve this crap but I am so tired and so over it

[@nitakate10]

We need DBT,it's better than CBT

[@meagenmace]

I absolutely love DBT! CBT is not for me, especially when I'm too depressed to be able to think. DBT helps at all stages.

[@AngelHawks]

Agreed! I need DBT right now 😊.

[@aasmahsohbat6154]

What is DBT?

[@noeliaurquizo4620]

I just started DBT and it has been very helpful. My psychiatrist recommended that therapy style for me, he says that would help a lot.

[@TeamCat1128]

I wish those who had KZbin channels would make an effort to speak better, e.g. reduce umpteen “umms” and “uhhs”.

[@EmberHarrington]

Why do so many people feel a need to make vlogs about this? Is it like a cool thing?

[@AngelHawks]

Ember2460 Harrington I talk about my journey because when I got my diagnosis I was hungry for as much information about it as possible. I went to KZbin and there were 2 or 3 documentaries available and that was it. It's freaking scary when you find out that your brain has a disorder (disease). You want to know that you're not alone. I make my videos to hopefully reach out to others and let them know that they are not alone. I also talk meds and my experience with the ones that I've been on. I can't speak for the other KZbinrs that make videos like these, their journey is their own.

[@meagenmace]

@@AngelHawks You said it just right.