Lie #2: Marriage is a covenant for life

[@MsSugarDyme]

This is so true. I am divorced and lived in so much shame about it even though I was an emotionally and financially abused wife. How can you live in shame in the marriage then get out of it and still be shamed. But one day in my prayer closet, I heard the voice of the Lord say to me, "I got a divorce, too" and he took me to that same passage where he gave Israel a bill of divorcement. I instantly felt the shame lift and healing begin. Jesus saves... I can't. The only person I can save is myself. I had to learn that God is not glorified by me in settings that cause me to be willfully abused. I am blessed when I am persecuted but that blessing is discernment and wisdom. Great body of work and great teachings.

[@CriminalJusticeExpert]

You know my wife left me and she believed I just wasn't a good husband. I NEVER hit her, emotionally abused, etc. I wasn't perfect who is? No one! But the devil gives you a false feeling and perception that seems sooo real. The enemy is the father of lies, think about that the father of lies? Wow can't you just imagine how powerful his lies are? Imagine a person who tell really good lies and you just like wow the lies so good you give him all you have. Them you learn it's all a lie. False religion, God's, etc aren't they good? How much more is Satan? Oh if the whole world will worship the beast and even if possible God's elect? Then you tell me how great of a lie? Yeah think about it and pray until you just know. The sad thing is the devil split us. Why? Because the devil hates marriage it is a covenant and symbol of what Christ is to His bride. Now do you believe Christ will divorce the church_His bride? Certainty NOT! or do you think that He has divorced Israel? God forbid! No! He has Not and will not. What makes you believe or any man or woman to violate what God has joined together? Oh yes God is loving and yes God wants the best.... Wait in this life? NOOOO! what do you think Paul suffered in vain? Or the other apostles were threatened, beaten, and killed for us to enjoy life better than them? Or is it because they set an example of what this world is really like? The latter, they were an example. But Christ has given us His Spirit to love. He has said not to tear apart what he has joined together. Or should we just care more about our desires more than God's, or shall we forsake God's commands to make us happy? Or did Jesus die and was beaten and mocked etc as for himself or for us? Yes for us but also as it is written an example of what we will face living Godly lives. Not only persecution but in this perverse and fallen world. He has delivered us Spiritually and soon He will physically, but then it will be All in All of deliverence with destruction of this world. Sister I have written much because I love you, I want you to know the truth. People don't get it. We are and cannot be happy here. Jesus said His peace that he gives is not as the world gives and in another, when they say peace and safety sudden destruction comes in them as labor pains upon a pregnant woman and they shall not escape. He also reminded us that those who seek the world is not of the Father and making yourself a friend of the world makes you a enemy of God. Do not be deceived seek those things above where Christ is sitting at the right hand of the Father in majesty. 🙏🙏

[@_amoopoint_1458]

So true! I love this..finally someone who speaks about it in a clear way. Thank you.

[@una1085]

Excellent teaching. This must be taught in church- especially when the abuse is coercive control, and there are no physical bruises to be seen. Church leaders are (in my experience) woefully inadequate when dealing with abusive men.

[@jamestebow]

Church leaders aren’t helpful when dealing with little innocent but emotionally abusive and controlling women either.

[@KatherineJetton]

@@jamestebow nope. 95% of emotional abuse victims are women. 5% are men. I’m sorry if you or someone you love belong in the 5%.

[@jamestebow]

@@KatherineJetton Sources for your percentages? Narcissism is 50/50 equally found in the population. Histrionic personality would be higher in women. Suicide is higher in men so I suppose depression is higher. Again, please site your sources. Anyone can just write on this wall.

[@barb64-23]

This should be sent to every pastor and diocese for proper teaching ! God Bless you Leslie for speaking the truth.

[@christianone6611]

Yes!!! It is not love to enable abusers to continue abusing. It's not good for them and their souls to be allowed to keep sinning carelessly or for you. Also, Paul gave a protocol to the church... To give people essentially 3 chances to repent of severe sins, with greater consequences each time. After the 3rd time, if they do not repent, believers are instructed to have nothing to do with them. It's one thing to suffer from unbelievers ridiculing you for preaching truth and a whole different thing to have a FELLOW BELIEVER, who KNOWS the word of God abusing you in what should be the safety of your home. Not ok regardless of which gender. The churches have largely ignored Paul's instructions for the church to their detriment and have given un-biblical false counsel to many families. If one spouse is breaking a hundred commandments by being emotionally or physically abusive, and it is upheld by the church by one command for a wife to be submissive (to a man who loves her as Christ loved the church)... That is highly illogical. They've sent her to obey a command that was given for normal/mostly healthy relationship while she is being tongue murdered, and spiritually crushed by a fellow Christian??? Are you kidding me? This hypocrisy has gotten ridiculous. Again, this could apply to either gender. Abuse, in ANY form within a believing Christian home is simply NOT EVER OK under ANY circumstance and when it does happen, serious repentance and bringing fruit meet for repentance should happen immediately and never be enabled by other family members or the church. There is zero excuse. Especially when Christ's top two commandments involve LOVE.

[@GerreLove]

Thank you for speaking for us.For so long we have felt unheard.God bless.

[@Keleia4Jesus]

When abusive and hidden sins haven't been exposed, repented of and worked through with BOTH parties and ANYONE tells you to stay in an abusive relationship...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I can no longer keep waiting for anything to change. I have finally had ENOUGH.

[@philipbuckley759]

you can divorce, but it is not a Biblical ground, for remarriage....reconcile or remain unmarried...

[@marshamarshalyn163]

Where does God require us to stay in bondage to the abuser we escaped from? This goes against common sense and the character of Jesus. Staying unmarried means you're still in bondage. You are being victimised all over again fkr the abuse. Apostle Paul was speaking in the context of Christians who wanted to seperate from their pagan spouse.​@philipbuckley759

[@GolerGulch]

Believe it or not this happens to men too. You don't hear about it because men are supposed to be tough and just "suck it up". To speak of your wife abusing you makes you a weak man. I am grateful for this video as I was seeing God as saying that you just have to suffer no matter what which as Leslie points out even He divorced Israel so it didn't make sense. Thank you Leslie for this information!

[@MsSugarDyme]

You are right this does happen to men more often than it is spoken about and the sad part is that the same toxic masculinity practices which compel abused women to be silenced into complicity promote that same powerlessness amongst men. Thats how you know that feminists and misogynists have an evil agenda. They are all bullies and no one wins when there is not mutual support and understanding between the sexes (genders).

[@KatherineJetton]

@@MsSugarDyme preach! Right on!

[@freddavidson286]

I'm not giving up on my marriage of 43 years till death do us part

[@stephcarrin]

Thank you for this teaching. 1st person I've ever heard mention this.

[@philipbuckley759]

you may divorce, but the options are to reconcile, or remain unmarried....

[@plmiddleton9203]

Unconditional love but not unconditional relationship

[@brandibee7058]

Check out the case for Christ also does she have a video on 1 Peter 3 where it says if a unbeleiver wants to stay we let them and how a wife can win him over ? I thought about that scripture and most men that are unbelievers would have some very unhealthy behaviors possible emotional , mental ect . I have been in a emotional abusive situation for 14 years and this scripture has been so powerful I believed in It it is life ! I finally started living it as I pressed on to the lord and let him fill me danced in his presence and did a challenge thst goes with 1 Peter 3 and I saw change . I am for seperation but to say well if he isn’t changing you have to do something that isn’t always true pray and seek God always . My marriage has turned around bc of this scripture with out a word he will be won over and then it says by what is what I focused on as I was able to do it when I became emotionally healthy. I did leave but for a week I left to work on me then came back things weren’t diff and I didn’t expect them to be . I came back being the light of God . He changed me . I was the only one to show him Jesus and if I would have left he may have never would have felt the love of God . I did place some boundaries when I came back to protect me and I decided when he did some of the behaviors that I would do something diff . God has worked so much in both of us and I M so thankful

[@brandibee7058]

Well it says not obeying the word that could be beleivers too that are carnal

[@kelladohring9825]

Over 11,000 views. 10,000 are me! 😂 This is sooo good!

[@jsmith214]

If you went into your marriage covenant not intending to keep it if he becomes abusive, that is your choice. But please leave God out of it. He isn’t done with Israel and has future plans for them. He hasn’t broke His covenant with them. He also made a covenant with the Church. We fail every day. But He is still keeping His covenant with us. Salvation depends upon Him not us and our performance.

[@lynnhoke366]

I don't know about the Israel example transferring to us, but think the idea of not letting someone continue to abuse you based on you are allowing them to continue to sin is valid.

[@markhotaling8660]

This is heresy and she is leading people to sin.

[@catcat1526]

My Christian friends and pastor all push me to reconcile when his abusive behaviors haven't been exposed and corrected... What should I do?

[@palesarobyn6310]

You need to be at Jesus's feet so that you can see yourself through his eyes.God is love and his character does not condone abuse he is not an ironclad dictator he is a father.we often think that God only cares about the santity of marriage and does not care about the well being of those in the marriage God wants us to be safe,to experience love

[@KatherineJetton]

Run!!!! Find new friend and a new church. 1/3 women in the church is abused. I’m waiting for the day a No Abuse of Any Kind church is started and I join that one. Unkindness and abuse is different and one has no repentance.

[@senderoestrecho9142]

It´s your choice to reconcile, just make sure you forgive in your heart because if you don´t forgive other Jesus won´t forgive you. Also, don´t get remarried otherwise you´ll be in adultery. (that´s if it was a covenant spouse)

[@Star-dj1kw]

Go to Leslie’s blog and read her articles.

[@lynette4412]

This is Wonderful!!! You are so called by God to do this!! Praise God!!! Hallelujah!!!

[@ESumner]

Thank you God for this video.

[@senderoestrecho9142]

Did it tickle your ears??

[@catcat1526]

What about suffering from his abuse to me, I gain more Christian understandings of the scriptures, or goodness of being a person, should I continue accepting suffers for goodness because of these?

[@KatherineJetton]

No. Your mission field is not one person. You are called to not sacrifice your entire life for one person who does not even care you are doing this. Abuse will also lead to physical and mental health problems that will cause an early death and will end who you can help with your early death.

[@senderoestrecho9142]

God isn´t forcing you to stay with someone, he´s commanding you don´t remarry. God divorced Israel yet Israel was still his wife. In the same way Paul states in 1 Cor 7:15 that if your unbelieving spouse departs you are not under bondage but they are still your spouse! "How do you know, oh wife, whether you will save your husband?" . In 1 Cor 7:39 and Rom 7:1-3 it says you are bound until death (not under bondage or enslaved to their presence, antics, etc, but just bound as in connected/tied, aka ONE FLESH). In fact, there is a commandment from Jesus in 1 Cor 7:10 to either reconcile or remain unmarried after divorce. God's word is straight to the point but people just want their ears tickled.

[@Star-dj1kw]

This video is not about remarriage.

[@grant2149]

Excatly

[@i.p.freely5974]

Then what's the point of getting married?

[@lanceallenmcginnis1105]

You interpret poorly. Marriage is a covenant for life and the Bible clearly says so. Romans 7:2-3. "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 3So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man". Your reasoning is against Gods word. Marriage is a covenant for life. God kept his love on for Israel even though they betrayed Him. In the next verse He says "Oh that you would return to me" because the covenant was "everlasting".

[@bessiepierre4550]

You can divorce the word said do not remarry… He did divorce them but he did not remarry anyone… You can seperateand or divorce.. he said remain single! This is frustrating bc they are teaching this and marrying, remarrying and remarrying again and it is adultery…. Tleaders are ruining lives for false teachings on marriage, divorce and remarriage…. God is not concerned with happiness he is concerned about Holiness and through Holinesss happiness will abound!

[@grant2149]

Amen many are deceived Remarriage si only allowed for dwath of a spouse. Period.Many wil not inherit the kingdom of God. Adultery 1 Corithians 6 vers 9- 10.

[@performs5171]

She mentions false theology that is taught to wives, Can someone please give me the name of the Christian leader or pastor who teaches it is ok for a wife or husband to be abused, accept abuse and forsake their safety? I would like to be aware of these individuals so I can combat their teachings.

[@therovingreporterofmontgom5249]

I'm not sure many say it publicly, but when a woman confides in her pastor and tells her about her husband's abuse, and he tells her to submit to her husband, or just be a better wife, or doesn't hold the husband accountable for his actions, that is pretty much accepting it. Pastors and church leaders NEED to do a better job at holding the abuse accountable of their actions and teaching women to set boundaries and not allow anyone to verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually or financially abuse them in any way. Educate the congregation on these topics and show what a godly husband/wife should be and not be. Unfortunately, some pastors are narcissists/controllers/Type A/abusers and do not teach this from the pulpit. They do well teaching other topics, but never on a godly marriage or loving your wife as Christ loved the church, in my experience.

[@GODisAble2014]

You might be able to find them (or their congregants) in the comment section of her videos.

[@philipbuckley759]

you have an emotional point of view....otherwise why would the marriage vow contain....for better or worse.....

[@staylor8847]

I am struggling with this

[@MsSugarDyme]

Take it to the Lord in prayer. Your spirit will testify with the Holy Spirit if it is right for you. I have never been troubled or struggled with any principle that didn't have some truth to it.

[@staylor8847]

@@MsSugarDyme I know it has more to do with criticism of people who do not even matter, than what God actually has to say over my life.

[@MsSugarDyme]

@@staylor8847 God bless you. There's criticism either way. Be true to who God called you to be and be not lovers of this world. ❤ Sending you hugs in the spirit.

[@markhotaling8660]

You should be. "To 'misappropriate' means “to appropriate wrongly” or to take something dishonestly for one's own use. One of the common synonyms for misappropriation is 'embezzlement'. So the 'misappropriation of Scriptures' is the embezzlement of the Word of God, or the abuse of the Scriptures for one's own benefit."

[@steveborkowski4330]

Excellent!!!!!!!

[@josefjking308]

Can I get a divorce if my spouse commits adultery? Never! Can I get a divorce if my spouse is abusive to me? No! Can I get a divorce if I no longer love my spouse? Absolutely not! Can I get a divorce if my spouse has abandoned me? No, you can't! So, under what circumstances can I get a divorce? Absolutely none. The Bible is absolutely clear: only death can dissolve a marriage in God's sight. Our only option is to separate from our spouse and stay single. If things get better between our spouse and us, we can get back together (1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Bible). But what about the exception in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:1-9? There is no exception in Matthew’s gospel: Once you are married, you are married for life. No one in the Bible ever got a divorce for adultery or fornication. There was no need for divorce because those found guilty were stoned to death. All divorces were for reasons other than adultery or fornication. Once married, always married until death do us part, with no exceptions. This applies to all human beings, regardless of whether you are a sinner or a saint.

[@hc4jc777]

This teaching is deceitful and false. Oh, how it breaks my heart to hear Scripture taken out of context, twisted, and God mischaracterized.. Marriage is a sacred covenant that makes two people become one flesh.. It is very serious in the eyes of God.. We need to have a better understanding of the God we say we serve because suffering is part of the Christian life. If you are in a bad marriage, you can still glorify God in the midst of intense suffering. And that is not religiousness. That is preferring God over yourself. How I pray that people will be guided by the Holy Spirit instead of false prophets and teachers. In Jesus' name, Lord, help us to see You rightly.

[@jmo4521]

I don't understand how I could glorify God as my abusive husband drug my naked body across the bedroom floor as he pulled me by my hair. Please note that we are not to keep company with evil people. That includes evil, foolish spouses. Just because we married someone doesn't give them the right to kill us.

[@lynnhoke366]

But when the kids mental health is on the edge bc of him....

[@Star-dj1kw]

A bad marriage? 🙄 I don’t think you understand abuse! Leslie is talking about men that ABUSE their wives and children. God does not want babies and women to be crushed. You’re the one who isn’t discerning the heart of God.

[@markhotaling8660]

"To 'misappropriate' means “to appropriate wrongly” or to take something dishonestly for one's own use. One of the common synonyms for misappropriation is 'embezzlement'. So the 'misappropriation of Scriptures' is the embezzlement of the Word of God, or the abuse of the Scriptures for one's own benefit."@@Star-dj1kw

[@grant2149]

💯 Correct a covenent can only be broken with death. 3 Peoole day you get Married Husband Wife and God.This Woman is Leading Many astray.

[@CJWatson-pz6fw]

I like how you address abuse and work to expose it and call for the abusers to bare the consequences and be held accountable for their actions, but something about your arguments and your reasoning seems not to be in line with scripture.

[@markhotaling8660]

Leslie Vernick more than helped destroy my marriage and put totally heretical ideas in her head by misappropriating God's Word. Definition: "To 'misappropriate' means “to appropriate wrongly” or to take something dishonestly for one's own use. One of the common synonyms for misappropriation is 'embezzlement'. So the 'misappropriation of Scriptures' is the embezzlement of the Word of God, or the abuse of the Scriptures for one's own benefit."

[@joshjmccray]

I really believe you have probably saved so many people from absolute horrible situations of abuse and that is wonderful. I unfortunately feel very conflicted by your dogmatic approach that can simultaneously be good for some in true abuse and abandoned spouse situations, but for others I really believe you are destroying marriages and families that could have used a more direct understanding of sin and possible hope of restoration. You should not be let off the hook because you are doing good for some but wrecking others. I have watched a lot of your videos and I believe you are undermining genuine support systems that could provide the lifeline they need but now the person who was looking for an out has found it and will then demonize another because they feel justified by what you said. Society always seems to be in a pendulum and for such a long time women were left without any options, but now we are seriously seeing many scenarios where abuse is too easy to allege towards another, ruining a persons reputation in the process, and completely ending any and all chances of restoration. Then the helping parties are demonized as the “ignorant” church, and the already emotionally hurt individual feels great to finally have an ironclad excuse to leave a marriage, when further examination will show the high statistics of divorce regret and utter devastation of divorce. I think you desperately need to be more evenhanded in your approach so people don’t make the possible wrong decision.

[@MsSugarDyme]

More often than not the abusive partner is supported and upheld by the church. She is saying that these people continue on unchecked and unchastised while being abusive to their spouses.

[@KatherineJetton]

It takes an abused woman on average 6-7 times to leave. Most women figuratively beat their heads against a while trying upon trying to get it right to stop their male abuser to from abusing them but nothing can be done after a certain point and others have to literally get their heads beat against the wall to realize they must leave. Leslie Vernick discusses destructive vs disappointing marriages in her book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage. She does also mention her book is for abused women but acknowledged this happens to men and her book applies to abused men. Please go volunteer at a domestic violence shelter and talk to the women there.

[@KatherineJetton]

Should say beat head against wall not while*

[@GODisAble2014]

Her ministry addresses your comments in a variety of ways. Consider that this is one video out of hundreds of podcasts and videos that her ministry has produced and won't address all of the nuances that come with difficult/destructive marriages.

[@gmohler]

Where's your scripture to back your worldly comments? You say alot about Husbands but Women can be so abusive to Men. Control, dominate, abuse physical. Emotional, mental, and spiritual

[@KatherineJetton]

Ever heard wipe the dust off your feet and go there no more? You really think abusers are saved? Jesus says you will know a Christian by their fruit and love. Abuse is not love.

[@brandibee7058]

What about 1 Peter 3

[@fortiechaw1058]

1 Peter 3:1-7 Wives and Husbands [1] Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, [2] when they see your respectful and pure conduct. [3] Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-[4] but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. [5] For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, [6] as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. [7] Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

[@teresastrey2619]

I think there’s a self righteous attitude in the one who stays in suffering.

[@therovingreporterofmontgom5249]

Not necessarily, remember they are a victim. They have been beaten down, physically abused, talked down to like a dog, called every name in the book, etc, and many of these women or men do not have the financial resources, self-confidence or courage to leave. It is very difficult to leave a marriage, a ministry, kids are involved, not sure if they are doing the right thing or wrong thing, AND hoping and trusting in God that their spouse will change. Please do not judge people who stay in abusive marriages, you just don't understand the details.

[@MsSugarDyme]

I agree. There is a certain amount of pride that will keep you in a situation that even God can take no authority over. I think it is this disposition that attracts Narcissist and abusive partners in the first place. They know that prideful people will endure and hide abuse for much longer than humble people. The more I humbled myself under the mighty hand of God. The easier it was to walk away. When I stopped caring how I would look in front of people and focused on how unsafe I felt privately in my own home, the decision I needed to make became clear. But that clarity did not come so long as I was in my pride and flesh.