"Life in Balance" by Tristan Dupepe

"LIFE IN BALANCE"
By Tristan Dupepe
On a sunny day in June of 2021, I clearly remember thinking to myself how truly blessed I am, living the life I always dreamed of as a little girl. I have a loving husband, a blended family with four amazing children, and parents and siblings who continue to be a wonderful part of my life. Two days later I found a lump in my breast.
As a mom, I often feel like a waitress balancing a giant tray of my family’s needs, like delicate stemware and messy plates. I anticipate their needs with a smile and go above and beyond what is expected. I take great pride in my work. Everything is carefully balanced. Occasionally though, my tray gets piled a little too high or starts to wobble when I hit a bump, but I am happy to take on more of the load for the ones I love. My most difficult or challenging feelings stay carefully hidden, so my loved ones do not have to go through any more pain than necessary.
It was the night before Father’s Day when I found a lump in my breast. Immediately I knew it was cancer, but I also felt a sense of peace that God was with me. Wanting to savor that last day of our “normal” life, I enjoyed Father’s Day with our family without sharing my secret. That time was a true gift before everything changed and I heard those words from my doctor, “You have cancer.” I felt like that perfectly balanced tray had been knocked out of my hands and went crashing to the floor in ruins at my feet. When I told my husband, he was strong and ready to do whatever we needed to do. I was comforted to know that he was going to be with me and help me through all the things we did not even know were to come. Soon the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy with an SGAP reconstruction had been made. Then surprise, two positive lymph nodes lead me to chemo and possibly radiation. Although my husband had picked up my tray and was holding onto it with me, it was starting to fill up quickly.
As treatments progressed, instead of being overwhelmed by a tray piled high with worry and fear, I was overwhelmed with love and support. One of my friends organized a food train. Over and over, I said “no thank you, I don’t need help.” I am so thankful that she completely ignored my words and took the care of feeding my family off of my tray. Every day I felt the love of others. Some were close friends, and others were people I barely knew at the time. Friends cheered me on with each little stride I made rebuilding my physical health and laughed with me as I faced some of the crazy challenges that come with cancer treatment. God surrounded me with so much love, and my load was lightened from what could have been a very heavy time.
Just before I lost my hair, I was able to enjoy a weekend at the beach with my college friends. With them, I felt like myself again. We laughed, relaxed, and just enjoyed being together. I hardly felt the tray in my hand at all. But after they left, I had my first real breakdown. I remember being on my knees in prayer, with a puddle of tears below me. It was the first time I was alone with my feelings and was able to let them out without fear of adding to anyone else’s pain. This made me realize that I needed to do everything in my power to make sure I could be here for my family as long as possible. Even though I didn't want to add anything else to my tray, I decided to have radiation for my own peace of mind.
Now that treatments are completed and I am on medication only, others think my cancer journey is over. Only other cancer patients understand that it is never really over. The impact of cancer is now a part of me. My goal now is to now carry my tray with care, not to overload it too much and to treasure every day. Despite the challenges of cancer, I feel even more blessed than I did that sunny day in June of 2021 before this journey began. I still feel that I am carrying a tray stacked high with the needs of those in my life, but less like a busy waitress and more like someone hosting a fabulous party. I celebrate each day and feel privileged to have my family depend on me. Cancer taught me that I don't ever have to carry that tray alone. My family and friends have proven how willing and capable they are of helping me to keep that tray light and balanced...and I love them for it!
#oncology #cancer #cancerawareness #empoweringwomen #embracinglifebeyondcancer #emotionalhealing #celebratelife #survivorwalk #knowledgeispower #strenghtinsisterhood #younightevents #younightsisterhood #allcancers #YouNightMasterpieceSoiree
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