Living in rural Japan. Some things that you shouldn't talk about that can get you offside.

What can be seen as normal things to talk about is not always the case when living here. People won't let you know why and that is why i decided to explain why some things are not brought up normal conversation and the thinking behind it.

[@RealRuralJapan]

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[@dogbunny]

I was friends with an older Japanese lady. When I asked about her eldest son she told me, "He works at a hospital." I later found out through someone else that he was a fairly accomplished heart surgeon. "Works at a hospital" is so deliberately vague. I couldn't help but chuckle.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Works at a hospital means mind your own business but politely.

[@TerryFT86]

@@RealRuralJapan man i don't know how i can master the art of reading their undertone...

[@RealRuralJapan]

@TerryFT86 You don't have to as much if you know a few things beforehand, but it is always going to happen, and we have to accept it. You get better as time goes on but if you stuff up you stuff up no need to dwell on it is the way i view it.

[@somethingelsehere8089]

@@RealRuralJapan Yes. I lived in Japan for 6 years - in the city - and I wish i could have a do-over. I learned a lot, but some of it had a cost.

[@RealRuralJapan]

@somethingelsehere8089 I hear you man. Some never come to the realization and that is why you see occasionally the bitter and twisted foreigner who once lived in Japan and has nothing nice to say about it. They still don't get it even 20 years after the fact.

[@paulboden7850]

Less words, thoughtfully chosen... and knowing that silence often speaks volumes!

[@jimjimgl3]

Moral of the story: Don't be a "Debbie Downer" in Japan. (For those unfamiliar with the term, it is a comedy skit from Saturday Night Live where people are gathered having fun and then this one character always brings up depressing subjects....)

[@yvonnemariane2265]

Oh that's hilarious and i'm looking that up!

[@Dogsnark]

This was very revealing for me. I know a few Japanese people, here in the U.S. and in Japan. I never knew about these things about what is ok to discuss and what isn’t. Probably the Japanese in this country are used to the fact that Americans are liable to talk about, and complain about, any and everything. But I now will think twice about what I talk about with the few people I know who live in Japan. Thank you for this very interesting video.

[@RealRuralJapan]

No worries

[@Duhble07]

Very very interesting. 1) people never discuss their adult children! Wow. I have a Japanese wife yet when visiting her family hadn’t noticed this. Although it does explain many interactions over the years. Exactly the opposite tendency in the states, where oversharing is common. Makes sense. Avoids comparisons, which can be embarrassing to one or both parties. And also 2) the overarching theme in relationships is to remain positive and strive to keep life as “drama free” as possible. Also makes sense. Encourages harmonious relationships, and mutual respect. Another commenter said this is the most useful bit of information they’ve ever heard about, and I have to agree. TY🙏

[@valdius85]

I wished I known and was reminded about it daily about the first thing. Fortunately my wife was patient enough and strong enough to drill it into my empty head. People generally don’t want to be reminded about bad things and it took me to long to learn to shut up and talk about something positive. I’m still bad at it, although getting better and mentioning more positive things. Same goes about complaints. Don’t complain, either fix it, accept it or leave. When comedy to work, valuable Japanese employees just leave without mentioning the reason. Saying nothing at all, especially in Japan, is a wise strategy as well.

[@Luciphell]

@valdius85 This sounds horrible. What a terrible way to be forced to live. One of the more toxic things about Japanese culture. "Shut the fuck up, do your job and be positive about it, or be ostracized."

[@RealRuralJapan]

@Luciphell No different to the way HR works everywhere else it is just framed differently. It used to be called the Personal Department and now they don't even try to hide it you are Human Resources whether you choose to accept it or not is up to you. Just because somewhere else might be more difficult don't go using the western work culture as something to look up to. If you think your HR department cares about you then you have drunk the cool aid. Don't like something? move on and say nothing it has a poetry about it. Why would you help these people improve by conducting an exit interview like they do in the west? Foreigners tell HR in an exit interview when they leave everything including their thoughts on how the company could improve!. It is like a loyal dog that still loves his master after he has almost been beaten to death.

[@Luciphell]

@@RealRuralJapan Preaching to the choir, my guy! I'm firmly in the "HR was a good idea at it's inception, but it was almost instantly co-opted and corrupted by the people within it." camp.

[@RealRuralJapan]

So don't feed the beast and just walk away and say nothing like the Japanese do. Poetry in motion.

[@MoreEvilThanYahweh]

@@Luciphell It was never made with the little guy in mind. It's all about sparing the business legal or labor troubles.

[@g8trdude225]

I have nothing at all to say about any of this. Silence is golden. 😍

[@DrBaldhead]

There's literal translation, and what you're doing, cultural translation. Soooo helpful!!

[@Sunabe77]

One of THE main reasons I can’t stay in Japan. I studied Japanese at uni, did a 1 year exchange. Politics and discussing problems, privat and social ones, is such a big part of my life. Something I never liked to adjust to in Japan. The superficial convos where driving me insane. Makes me sad on a whole different level to keep that stuff to myself.

[@MonkeyHero]

Im considering living in Japan for some time. Currently learning Japanese. What you bring up is something im also really afraid of as an open communicator in English. Im okay not bringing up complicated political discussions, but something im not sure i can live with is only having surface level discussions about things. I love talking about feeling, experiences, ideas and stories.

[@RealRuralJapan]

The Japanese work on themselves privately it is connected to the Buddhist roots of the culture. Some young dude mouthing off about politics and social issues wouldn't interest them when they are just going about their day or winding down having a beer at the pub. Time and place is an art to get right and westerners think they can talk about anything anywhere and with anyone and it is usually something they saw on twitter 2 minutes ago and have no real knowledge about. These are also superficial convos in most cases but just different in nature.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Monkeyhero I might do a video on this because i think this is important and a lot of foreigners get the wrong impression. When you are in a culture or group that does this, it doesn't extrapolate to everyone on all occasions outside the culture. People here get in groups to do certain things. You have your drinking mates, sports club mates, study mates, work mates you get the idea and each is for one aspect of one's life. Who wants to talk about politics or YOUR ideas when they have set time aside to do something else? We are very self-centered in the west and think people want to hear our thoughts all the time and we need to reign this in if we want to live here. Every westerner has this problem here and what we may think about anything is not as important as we may think it is. Most couldn't care less about a persons thoughts on economics when they are trying to get plastered at the Izakaya and pick up the cute girl. Be that happy person to make the night fun or get of the pot as the Americans say.

[@jimjimgl3]

@@RealRuralJapan I do think there is a shade of this in the west too. We all have been with friends and someone has to say "enough about the crime" or politics or money to a person just going on and on. And of course we almost all share that one relative who, like my mother would say, is "a broken record" that keeps droning on about intense subjects.

[@bertroost1675]

@@RealRuralJapan I lived in China for almost 20 years. They have their ways but they are so much more easy going than the Japanese, but I only traveled to Japan (3 times) I never "lived" there. I met a Yakuza when I was trading live concert tapes in Shinjuku, that was an interesting experience. I lived one year in Korea but it wasn't my cup of tea. It wasn't a bad place to live but it just wasn't easy going China. Chinese will talk about anything and you can give just about any opinion you want. I'll criticize China but if others do it, and they never lived there, I'll really get on their case.

[@sleeplessstu]

I think this is one of the things I love MOST about Japan. If you haven’t got something positive to say, then you just keep your trap shut. While many will criticize Japan for being the land of of artificial “Happy,” I really take it to heart. I would MUCH rather live in “Happy Land” than in the states where everything you hear or read is “bad or negative news”. Unfortunately “Bad news” sells in the states and it affects everyone’s mood. I find myself living with a much more peaceful state of mind in Japan. Peaceful mind, peaceful body. Much less drama. Is it any wonder why the Japanese live so long ? Something to think about….

[@bertroost1675]

Maybe it's just the video but when you drive (also the others around you) it appears that most are driving very responsibly (i.e. slowly). I think that's nice. The older I get the less need I have to get anywhere super fast. I like a nice leisurely rural drive.

[@RealRuralJapan]

40km/hr speed limits here.

[@bertroost1675]

@@RealRuralJapan In America speed limits are simply a suggestion to some people.🤔

[@Exjapter]

I think there is one exception (that I have experienced at least), to the norm of not talking about your kids. That's if the person's kid is dating or has married a foreigner - this sort of thing has been brought up to me in more than one instance, but other than that you're right, people dont bring up their children in conversation.

[@Ghostmaxi1337]

Woa, das sieht so schön aus mit dem Schnee und den Bergen.

[@bigmax4564]

Japanese love to gossip, particularly at work or at clubs, and you probably haven't experienced it if you're not part of an in-group/collective of some sort. As someone who managed 9 Japanese in an office environment in Tokyo, office gossip was very useful in managing situations and people. I would agree about overt whinging, like we love to do in Oz, but negative things that impact everyone, like inflation, the pandemic or a disaster, will be discussed. The Japanese always commemorate bad accidents or disasters every year. At a bar after alcohol, there can be a lot of complaining done about usually the government. And yes, talking about one's kids with others hardly ever happens. In the above Tokyo environment, I did the tax returns for all 30 staff and hence I knew the names and birthdays of the spouses and children of everyone. When I asked like, how's your wife Naniko? to a colleague. they would always be shy in response, avoiding the topic.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Tokyo is just a hellhole. This video is about rural Japan hence the title of it.

[@bigmax4564]

@@RealRuralJapan Sure, but I lived in rural Fukushima for 6 years as well and the same applied.

[@RealRuralJapan]

An office in rural Fukushima with 9 people? Thats a Tokyo thing you are talking about with the office gossip.

[@bigmax4564]

@@RealRuralJapan Yeah, the office was in Tokyo. But my comment still stands from my experience in Fukushima. Not amongst neighbours or strangers but within groups I was in - work, sports club, PTA, etc. It's a way that the Japanese grease social interactions. By the way, my wife is from Fukushima. Nagano is a beautiful place.

[@tokawa154]

日本には「沈黙は金、雄弁は銀」という言葉があります。

[@HairyPixels]

The part of names is the direct opposite of Thailand where everyone has a nickname and you don't know their real first or last name virtually ever unless you ask.

[@hakuba365]

I agree with much of this, and much of what you say in your videos. but I find talking about children to actually be a common topic in small town Japan. True, that adult children are not often discussed because they are no longer part of the everyday life of the people. Many small town Japanese already know each other's children from when they were growing up. So not much need to discuss them now. That said I will say that they do often ask "oh how is Tak-kun doing in Osaka" or something like that. Also it is certainly true that talking up or bragging about your children is not Japanese anymore than bragging about anything in your life. And one thing the Japanese have a keen radar on is the humble brag, so I wouldn't recommend trying that!

[@Duhble07]

Hey RRJ, Another request if I may. Would be interesting to hear if religion is ever discussed or mentioned? I have read that when lumped together, only ~7% of Japanese are overtly religious, yet there seem to be many cultural festivals with a past religious element. Just curious how religion manifests itself in a society that prides itself in privacy and avoiding embarrassing situations. Personally I would enjoy a society that consider religion to be a topic that most would consider to be off limits. Thx.

[@RealRuralJapan]

The Japanese are the least religious people i have ever met. Foreigners see shrines everywhere and make false assumptions. The Japanese are culturally buddhist/shinto but that's where it stops and i have only ever met 2 people who even mentioned religion in the 5 years i have been here. 7% would be a highly inflated number IMHO.

[@Duhble07]

@@RealRuralJapan ok, thx!! 👍

[@domdomdidity]

Good advice for wherever you live.

[@charlesrobert6211]

Amazing that the entire world talks about negative issues as part of life. How do people in Japan deal with negative things like earthquakes? Do they simply smile and say hope you have a nice day?

[@RealRuralJapan]

Foreigners overseas talk more about earthquakes than the Japanese do. I have been in mild earthquakes and around Japanese at the time and they don't even seem get scared to me. They know when to get scared when something doesn't seem right in an earthquake but for me i get worried every time the house shakes.

[@eloiseprays]

Lol

[@RonaldoSanchez-g1y]

Think of it this way: shit rolls downhill. It doesn't roll uphill. Except in America, where Americans feel free to roll shit uphill all day long!

[@mediocreman2]

What an odd attack on one country that wasn't even mentioned in the video.

[@AdachiCabbage]

This might not apply to everyone, but some people are ND and/or autistic and hyperfocus on both negative and positive things. I had a cousin who would talk about a funeral for months on end on repeat. I know a few people who wanted to live in Japan and had this difficulty. Besides this, there are also 'crap starters,' to put it nicely, and gossip folks who love to spread discord to see drama.

[@tkyap2524]

Let people live their lives. To others, our cultures can be quaint too.

[@chrislyon9885]

From my experience living in Kanagawa people will discuss their children. Yes maybe they won’t brag but there is some discussion especially if asked about general things. My neighbour won’t shut up about his son if you give him the chance😂. But it does annoy my wife to a certain degree.

[@hackermanack3393]

" Actions speak louder than words "

[@flakcannon722]

A negative aspect of that is they "look away" from bad things that happen to others and don't help.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Not too sure what you mean but a man should take care of his own problems anyway.

[@flakcannon722]

@RealRuralJapan true. But I meant when they drive past car accidents, people getting assaulted or hurt people and pretend not to see. Might be a city thing...

[@RealRuralJapan]

Never seen a fight here in Nagano. If you hang around trashy city areas at night, expect trashy stuff to happen. Being able to look after myself is something I'm thankful for growing up in the ghetto. People create their own problems most of the time and then cry victim. If you want to hang out in seedy areas at least know how to defend yourself because it's a mathematical certainty you will need to if you do it enough times.

[@flakcannon722]

@@RealRuralJapan it's that they don't help each other. Not a foreigner thing

[@RealRuralJapan]

Maybe a city thing as you said.

[@kurisu100]

I like the japanese idea of "show it with things you do instead of words". Words are more often a lie then an afford that someone make.

[@zamis21]

I have seen that 7-11 in other videos before lol Can you like, gift them a plant for the family that passed away?? They would not want to be around me then as My kids are my life lol Thank you for the road trip. The Mountains are so nice!

[@RealRuralJapan]

No idea what you mean here.

[@zamis21]

Like giving them a flowering plant as a remembrance. Like planting tree when your child is born. @@RealRuralJapan

[@RealRuralJapan]

That is obviously in your culture i have never heard of that but sounds very nice. Wouldn't go down well here.

[@shatterdeath2687]

Sounds like a dream come true. I am from Canada and i hate it how its so normal for people to talk about their kids when as a child free person, its just a useless topic i couldnt care less about

[@ares23dc]

Sounds like I would love to live there. I don't like sharing personal stuff or constantly moan.

[@TobaccoPipesJapan]

I really enjoy your videos and commentary. I'm afraid you're wrong about Japanese people gossiping. I'm afraid everyone loves to do it especially here. They often exaggerate and twist stories to make it sound more surreal. This is why people often don't talk about themselves whether they have good or bad news. Keep your opinions to yourself even when they ask you questions about politics etc.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Not where i live in rural Japan.

[@TobaccoPipesJapan]

@@RealRuralJapan I'm happy to hear that. I've spent a lot of time in Shikoku and Kansai. If anyone decides to move to West Japan they should be very aware of the local rumor mill in these parts.

[@RealRuralJapan]

@TobaccoPipesJapan Island thing maybe.

[@godzillioinaire]

I haven't lived in Japan but in my short travels to rural Japan I have experienced the gossip thing within groups. Even among neighbors, as long as it's not negative. Things like "I saw the foreign couple hugging in their own home this morning" lol

[@tkyap2524]

The Japanese are generally mindful of others' feelings. However, on talk shows, the gloves are off.

[@WANDERER0070]

Interesting,japanese like their privacy and are most humble polite people in the world I think,not sure if I could be happy living in such enviroment.

[@RealRuralJapan]

And nothing wrong with that everyone is different. Better to know this before selling all your stuff and buying an old place in the countryside. That is why i try to be a diverse as possible with the content here because there is always something for everyone.

[@rodan2852]

Hey is it true that the "new" Japanese navy has glass bottoms on their ships so the sailors can see the "old" Japanese navy?

[@RealRuralJapan]

You won't last long around here me thinks.

[@bertroost1675]

@@RealRuralJapan When I was in Nagoya a Japanese girl I was introduced to started talking about the atomic bombs the US (my country) dropped while we were in an elevator. She was really direct. I was surprised by her choice of topic.

[@eloiseprays]

Seems logical, especially to sensitive peo0le like me.

[@yeevita]

And yet people know about each other in Japan. People know each other and their neighbors. How does that happen? I mean have yet to achieve telepathy, so how DO I know when someone dies? I just had a catch up with a group of friends, one of whom I have not seen for 4 years. We discovered all of our health issues during this time, all the people we lost, how everyone else we have not seen are doing. Some of it happy; some of it not so happy, but if all we talked about was the happy stuff, I would never know whose parents died, etc. You say you know about your neighbors, so someone is talking...

[@RealRuralJapan]

You need to watch the video again. I said don't remind the person whose family member has died. If you find out something like that which of course people will let you know privately don't spit it out when having a coffee around them and tell them how sorry you are. It is bad manners.

[@atilla4352]

The more I learn about Japan and Tatemae, OCD culture, old inherited superstitions the more I assured to never visit.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Every place has good and bad points including wherever you live.

[@TERRYBIGGENDEN]

So guess we don't talk about WW2 and so on? :-) :-)

[@potoo6122]

this mentality is stupid, im sorry. All this means is that if there is a serious problem it never gets solved since no one wants to discuss it.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Keeps people stoic nothing wrong with that. Too many crybaby adults around nowadays in the west its embarrassing.

[@AE1OU]

After learning that rural towns are just one big HOA I would decline ever visiting/ moving to one considering how nosy and controlling rural folks are and how xenophobic they are towards urban folks.

[@phil6025]

If that's the case, how on earth do people ever have a political conversation?

[@RealRuralJapan]

Nobody cares what you think about politics here, so they don't talk much about it. Most people who talk about politics aren't the sharpest tool in the shed in my experience so it's usually a waste of time anyway.

[@moricantos]

"Get you offside"? What kind of English is this? Who talks like this? Is this some sort of strange, regional dialect? Anybody know what they are talking about?

[@RealRuralJapan]

English uses analogies. Offside as in football equals against the rules or not in favor. Onside as in football equals within the rules and in favor. Onboard and offboard can also be used which is a boating term. That concludes todays English lesson.

[@Toogoodxoxo]

One question at a time, please.

[@MonkeyHero]

What a weird thing to complain about. His English is going to have different references than mine on the west coast of the US. How is it weird to hear different phrases in english from different regions of the world?

[@RealRuralJapan]

He is not a native English speaker if he was i would have banned him for being a goose.

[@MonkeyHero]

@@RealRuralJapan oh that makes so much sense now.

[@scottmitchell8273]

Dont mention the war !