Living With Bipolar and Substance Abuse Disorder

Nick was diagnosed late in life and used his bipolar disorder as a crutch for his drug addiction. We delve into what it's like living with this diagnosis such as how it affected his relationships, self-control, and consequential outcomes.
It's important to know that bipolar and substance abuse disorder can be a dangerous combination. We speak with Nick and Zach from A Better Today Recovery Services.
Taking drugs to self medicate / 00:08
Neglecting mental health / 04:23
Bipolar effecting relationships / 05:53
Managing Impulsive Symptoms in Sobriety / 08:52
Thresholds and Consequences / 15:13
Risks in Early Recovery / 18:29
The promises of Recovery / 21:23
The new Normal / 24:06
A Better Today Recovery Services is there for anyone seeking recovery. Everyone's story is different and it IS possible to recover from any addiction, especially with ABTRS.
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Visit our website to learn more about how we can help you overcome your drug or alcohol addiction. abtrs.com/
#bipolar #addiction #recovery

[@mallorycannon3011]

I'm struggling more than ever right now with my addiction and bipolar as well. Thank you guys so much for this. It made me feel like I am not so alone with this.❤

[@beelowe6502]

Telling an addict/alcoholic bipolar that their moods will stabilize in sobriety and medication isn’t necessary can be deadly. At one point I thought the same and went off my meds. This resulted in a horrible relapse. If someone really does have the diagnosis of bipolar they need to be medicated. It’s not spiritually cured. Many people think they are (or have been improperly diagnosed as)bipolar when they just experienced the symptoms in active addiction.

[@FabianSanchez-sd5jk]

Relaps is part of soberity i get mad when i relapse and just want to quite takes me awhile to get back on the wagon

[@AbtrsRehab]

Hi Bee, I understand your concern. Every one's recovery is different. Keep in mind that we aren't offering any type of blanket medical/mental health advice. Everyone's journey is different. - Susana

[@MissOceanBlue]

I have been sober for 5 years and still suffer from depression and anxiety... So being consistent with metal health meds is Absolute

[@hollehpazouki7623]

Wow he seems so mentally strong and put together.

[@LittyLux]

This gives me hope and courage. Thank you for sharing. 💖

[@Amamay315]

At 36 a doctor prescribed Prozac with the celexa I was taking for mild depression, apparently 2 SSRIs can trigger bipolar if you carry the gene. I went undiagnosed for 4yrs , lost in hell. Started self medicating at 40 with meth ,never did drugs, it was like heaven the pain in my chest finally left, Of course it triggered mania and psychosis but I finally got a diagnosis unfortunately a bad habit too.

[@k_u_r_txx2757]

Thank you bi polar 1 diagnosed 2007 I appreciate this video a great deal For reasons too long to explain God bless you both

[@Angelstari]

Thankyou sharing I relate to all said and it's helped me realise my feeling is ok and not feel alone as it's hard speak out to othas who don't understand and think it's not real and mental health plus substance abuse is real thankyou helped in my recovery journey I'm 73 days sober today from alchol and taking medication right with bipolar and no now why I felt weird feeling on level thankyou , well done to u courage 😊

[@darbirhian]

I self medicated with alcohol too, for more than half a decade. I was diagnosed in my mid 20s but had my first manic episode in my early 20s. I didn't drink to induce mania though. My mania significantly dropped to almost non existent when I stopped drinking. I was asymptomatic from everything other than a couple hypo-manic episode for 9 years and not even medicated! I have bipolar 1 so used to full-blown mania.

[@deatheagle7423]

Wow. Warning, VERY long post ahead. I came across this video somewhat randomly while watching videos from the infographics show channel. Let me just say that what you described is exactly what I have gone through and am going through. I had many traumatic things happen to me from 2007-2012. Lost loved ones, betrayal, stress, near death experiences, substance abuse such as psychedelics often and heavy drinking, and becoming very isolated and really doing nothing else except playing video games like World of Warcraft specifically for 18 hours a day or more, and becoming addicted to xanax very heavily. I made a general fool out of myself on that game until I got off the xanax, and then I became one of the best players on my server. When my best friend died I was so crushed that I dropped out of school, withdrew form society, lost my apartment, wrecked my car, and did nothing except play wow. I ended up living at my mom's in a single room, not getting along with her, and stealing her medications to get high and just be able to "vibe". Her boyfriend decided that he wanted her to live with him, so she moved out and they left me this house. I am incredibly fortunate in that sense because I am not on the streets, but there were other aspects to it as well. They wanted me to get a job and start paying rent, meanwhile my mental health was spiraling out of control. I was only smoking weed at this time, but I was having very intense delusions of all kinds and was really unable to hold a job down or even function eventually. My mother just called the emts one day and that was when I got help. I didn't trust my mom, or anyone really. I thought everyone was in on "it" and that I was being mind controlled, and that if I went to the hospital they would brainwash me or lock me up in solitary confinement in a padded room in a straight jacket. I was living my life in abject terror, having visions of horrible alternate realities that were so far removed form reality that I was experiencing real emotional trauma from them. I eventually got diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. I got put on a medicine called envega which is a shot I get once a month. As soon as I got that shot, it was like a fog cleared in my mind. I felt so much better. But over the course of about 6 months, I realized that I had basically no emotions anymore. I was just kind of existing. I stopped playing wow, and started to kind of just drift. It was peaceful, but I needed some excitement. I tried tripping on acid and stuff again, but the medicine blocks those receptors in my brain so drugs like lsd, mdma, and mushrooms don't do anything to me. At work one day someone gave m a little bit of meth to stay an hour late for them. I had always been very against meth, but I tried it, and sadly, I really enjoyed it. Now I'm about four years deep into meth addiction, and I can't even functions without it. My dealer says I do more meth than him. Now the only money I get is from disability, its not much, and I spend a lot of meth. I am also deeply obsessed with the game fortnite now. I have over 2000 wins on the game. I know a lot about it. I still argue with my mom at times, I don't have any people in my life I would consider close friends, no job, no car, and I just sit at home by myself getting high, watching youtube or twitch, and playing fortnite. A few months back I went to the hospital for a week and got clean for two months. I was still smoking weed though, so everyone at the NA meetings said I wasn't really sober. I also felt liek I was growing, but my family and people around me weren't growing and didn't want to change themselves or help me out when I needed, just like they were when I was using. I also couldn't enjoy anything. I wasn't playing fortnite. I wasn't happy. I felt like my adhd was spiraling out of control, and I am so used to being high and doing my own thing, and I just couldn't handle being sober all the time and having no desire to do anything. I just felt like I was dead inside, as I've felt for a long time. I went back to meth, it's arguably worse than it's ever been now, because a guy fronts it to me and lets me run up a debt with him. I still have delusions form time to time as well, and I am sometiems taken over by fits of rage or depression when I feel I have been treated poorly or unfairly. It's odd because even with all of these things, I think I am at a better place than I have ever been in my life, but I know that I'm going about this the wrong way and I need to get help. I don't do well being institutionalized, and I'm afraid of what life will be without dope. I am just so used to being in the zone and feeling ok with meth. I actually enjoy how meth makes me feel. It helps me focus and not worry so much about the outside world. I can be isolated and alone, and it doesn't bother me as much. I don't know what to do. I have begged my dr to give me addearl or some stimulant that is legal and would be free, even got a second opinion, and they keep telling me no because I have a history of drug abuse. I told my therapist I was on meth, so they said they couldn't see me anymore. I told the people at outpatient that I had slipped up and used, and they also told me because of that they couldn't see me anymore. I feel like I have tried to seek out help, but they just won't help me in the ways I need it. I'm forced to go back into unhealthy cycles of addiction and mania/depression simply because these people won't give me a chance to do anything different. They act like me getting clean is gonig to be like waving a magic wand over my life and all of my problems will naturally just solve themselves. It doesn't work like that. I know better than that. And I guess I'm just kind of at a loss, and I wonder if I am going to end up being a meth addict the rest of my life just to help me cope with my mental illnesses and the dullness of life. I apologize for this gigantic wall of text, but what Nick said was just so close to my own experiences that I felt it was kind of like synchornicity for me to find this video. It actually did make me feel a bit better. If you have any suggestions I would really appreciate them. I could honestly keep typing for another hour talking about things, but I will stop here. Thank you for the video, and I wish both of you the best.

[@AbtrsRehab]

Deathegle, Wow! Thank you for sharing your story with us. We can definitely offer you some suggestions. The first is you can make a call to our admissions line to get information about treatment. Even if you're currently not ready, it is always good to know your options. Meth is an extremely addictive drug and I actually personally have a history with it but I've been in recovery for over 6 years. The statistics and data on those who actually end up recovering from meth addiction are REALLY depressing, and I don't think they tell the whole story. You might look at your situation and feel that it's absolutely hopeless, but there have been many individuals who have come out on the other side (myself). I do have ADHD but have never struggled with bipolar. For those of us with co-occurring disorders that are either untreated or not effectively treated, it's natural to want to self-medicate and take control of our mental health. The problem is that using completely backfires on us and leaves us in a worse off situation than we could ever imagine. Give us a call when you have time (there's a number posted in the video) and let's talk about your options! - Susana

[@TuneInWorld]

You sound exactly like someone in my family. So I hear your story with some understanding. Fact is, you have a hard road, your biology is not your fault. And You are here for a reason, your life matters. Your story has value for others who are struggling too. Praying for you, for strength, hope and purpose.

[@ericjacobs6276]

you have a similar story as mine. would like to chat sometime if you are still active

[@flower_goddess1279]

Great interview! Thank you 🙏🏽

[@kaahumona7739]

this was a great interview. articulate and realistic. thank you

[@anxiousadult5114]

Awesome interviewer and awesome interviewee👍

[@edenwinter9055]

Thank you for sharing Nick!!! very helpful for my own journey to hear other people speaking so honestly. shows that drug addiction and mental health disorders can affect anyone. Very handsome young man.

[@stilawesome3586]

Congratulations Nick on all you've achieved. My husband became addicted to cocaine in middle school and his parents didn't find out till he was arrested at age 14 and served time as a juvenile detention where he was found to have bipolar disorder (either prior to or as a consequence of drug abuse). I didn't learn about this until after we were married. It was his deep dark secret until his parents told me. After I became pregnant with our first child and a family friend caught my husband using again, trying to hide it I guess. He told me he was afraid that if I found out that I wouldn't love him anymore. I was never angry with him because I always tried to find ways to understand what he was going through. He felt like a burden at times but he was just sick. nobody gets angry when a cancer survivor's tumor comes back, so how could I be angry with him? (He was a child when this all started after all). After he went back through rehab he stayed sober. People don't seem to understand these issues (with a support system and right resources in place) are 100% treatable.

[@AbtrsRehab]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! We hope to feature more topics like this in the future, as we know that many people do suffer in silence with co-occurring disorders.

[@justinlemanski431]

You are an amazing person for this.

[@-3lory]

It takes much courage for this segment...congatulations

[@tonymedina6493]

I drove 110mph on highway and it felt like 50mph. Just could not get enough of that psycho manic feeling. I was also arrested during manic episode and police took me to jail instead of the hospital. In jail my angry “manic” out bursts led to having my water shut off. I was forced to drink toilet water for 15hrs and given no food, clothes, medication or basic human care. I was so crazy angry that I wrote “f*** you” with feces backwards (so they could read from other side) on the large window. The sheriff’s were so appalled and intrigued that they took pictures. I was wrongfully arrested for two days until posting $2,000 bail on false charges that were eventually dismissed after 7 court dates (two years). I received no treatment, assistance or simple apology while losing two days of my life and $2,000 for my manic episode. I’m just blessed the police didn’t shoot and kill me during the episode like many others who lose their lives every single day. Mania can be deadly so please take medication or see a psychiatrist because my depression (crash) lasted 3 months. Sorry, just being completely honest and I never knew I was bipolar until last month…God Bless!

[@HeatherDMorris]

So glad you are doing well. I am sure many can relate and I love that you said u used it as excuse for so long to do drugs. Many do that and will say how dare you say that and Many do not and will also say how dare you say that . I appreciate your honesty !

[@FabianSanchez-sd5jk]

I self medicate when i get my rage. I think am biepoler but also when am feeling happy

[@tammyrobinson1613]

Thank you so much for this. I love someone who has been diagnosed with bipolar and some possible other mental illnesses I'll cause him extreme childhood trauma. He uses meth regularly. It's very tough to deal with the mood swings, and so forth. This helps a lot.

[@AbtrsRehab]

Hi Tammy, sorry to hear that your significant other is experiencing these issues with substance abuse and bipolar. It sure can complicate things! If you ever want to discuss options for drug and alcohol treatment, we are here. Even if it's just to see what's available so that you can present it to him as an option. Sometimes it helps! It's confidential and no obligation, call us and let us know what's up and we will tell you how we can help. - Susana

[@ivibrown2213]

Thank you. Really appreciate this.

[@AbtrsRehab]

Glad it was helpful!

[@fawxa6731]

Ive tried to get help to no avail. Medicine and appointments cost money, and welbutrin and borderline over the counter drugs are laughable. Nonetheless due to my substance abuse history I can't get medicine that helps me. Thoughts?

[@dexterj5615]

dude you just put me into a box, I'm drinking right now to curb the twitch. . I'm so scared of the medications they'd throw at me, drinking is something I can handle.

[@AbtrsRehab]

Hey Dexter, I know it feels like alcohol is the solution, but if you find the right place to seek treatment, it would be an immensely positive thing. You won't necessarily be pumped full of meds. Let us know if there's any way we can help you and thanks for commenting! - Susana

[@KoolT]

Hey put some more on here

[@AbtrsRehab]

Hi Joy, we hope to be able to share more content like this in the future! We are seeing that's having a positive impact and that was our intent.- Susana

[@davis1881]

Meth has killed two long term relationships and when I met the last one I told her that I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is using and made it clear how devastated I was. She has bipolar and about ten years into our relationship the MANIC side was more prevalent and she couldn't hold job and lost car and phone, a year later she said she's been on meth and the stress of everything turned me into the responsible one, which if you know me lol I've never been that. But since I had the job for 9 years I had to pay for her to get her vehicle out of repo and can't get job without phone so, needless to say she left me because she didn't like who I had to turn into to cope with everything. We have a child and she is just so turned off by the thought of me now and it breaks my heart. Now I find anyone with manic tendencies is sus

[@Sadtoday]

Honestly, my dad‘s been self-medicating with meth for 20 years and I’ve never seen him more stable which is probably a conundrum, but he was like climbing up sides of buildings in the 80s when they were giving him rapid cycles of medication and now she could appear pretty normal, which is sad

[@hermancole2006]

I have use alcohol for my racing though depression

[@AbtrsRehab]

Hey Herman, if you're ever ready for some resources to cut out the drinking and deal with the root issues please reach out to us! Our helpline is available 8889060952. You can call and ask any questions you want about treatment - Susana

[@scotteason9283]

talks fast not long Bp