Lone Wolf Syndrome 🐺

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Do you consider yourself a lone-wolf? 🐺 Let us know in the comments 🔽🔽🔽

[@laurencemartin2797]

Wow, really enjoyed this conversation! 67 yrear old Introvert.

[@Garfeef]

Being a loner has some seriously underrated perks, but at the same time I recognize that the social/religious circumstances I was born into forced me to be this way from as early as I can remember. Solitude is always going to be part of my character, but at the same time I do want connection and love and intimacy, and I worry that I won't find a certain balance between the two that would be fair to both myself and a potential partner.

[@2020Bookworm]

Less laundry to do.

[@ELP1125]

As a gay man you need to develop some sense of being okay with being alone. Becuase we know how isolating the world is towards gay ppl, also how isolating the gay community can be, you need to be your own rock at times.

[@scgymguy]

This resonated with me. It produced a lot of emotions. So powerful

[@brentduanefoster]

I relate with Calan and Matt in terms of my history with “Long Wolf Syndrome”. It was basically a childhood/adolescence/young adulthood where I was always on the “outside looking in”. Being a young black kid, but seemingly not “black enough” or not being able to thoroughly connect with some of the groups that I was a part of. Being a part of something, but acknowledging how different I was in thought, points of view, and behaviors, and seeing others within those groups connecting, but me still kind of on the outside in. Dating and relationships have been a challenge with this too. I had to slightly object with the “blame” that was put on the media for the “youth obsessed, cis white washed” image. The TRUTH is that the media is not the sole guilty party in that. We know full and well that SOME within this community also project this, and have the money to do so. So, while yes, you can find other options, you do have to look deeper and that’s because the others are not promoted on the same level.

[@mattlandsiedel]

I appreciate you sharing your perspective here. It definitely gives me something to think about

[@granvillefoster6719]

And I thought it was just me. Feeling safe on my own, not risking rejection. Wanting to be a part of a group. My struggle at the moment is finding the break in the circle. Listening to you guys is certainly a help. Thank you

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

You're definitely not alone! It's a common struggle, and we're glad to provide some support. Breaking the circle can be challenging, but you're taking steps, and that's commendable. Thank you for being part of our community! 🌈😊

[@delonsoedwards8092]

The problem is that the gay community isn't a homogeneous thing. I live in Texas, and the gay community I've experienced is one of drug abuse. Not judging, I've done every drug. But, as a sober gay, it's hard to find a real community based on sobriety and honesty. Maybe it's because I live in a conservative state. But, It's not gonna help doing things to prove that one is liberal and progressive.. . I feel that in the South, the only way someone can deal wisexuality is under the influence, drugs or alcohol. And I've learned that have an addiction is not even close to someone dealing with his sexuality.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Yes, while a lot of people do turn to substances to help cope with their sexual identity, it's important to know it's not the only way. There are definitely people out there who are sober and working towards sobriety. Check out the FB group and if you introduce yourself and ask if there is anyone else who can resonate with your sobriety journey, I'm sure more than a few would relate. Thank you for your insights here 💖

[@dabigd1860]

@delonso edwards i think that the sense of "community" in the gay community has eroded. I am in my late 40s now, but i swear things were actually better as a gay man or for gay men in the 90s and early 2000s. We weren't as mindlessly controlled by the internet and anti social media. We actually went out, danced, talked to people. And the gay guys were not as superficial as they are nowadays. Like there was someone for everybody. And you made acquaintances and friendships so much more easily.

[@WellismoCoaching]

@@dabigd1860 Michael here from the podcast. I hear you, even though I'm about a decade behind you. Many men older than me have lamented on the same thing and it makes sense. Like all cultures and communities, we evolve with the times. Better? Worse? In my opinion, it's both better in some ways and worse in others. Check out Episode #27 - Evolution of the Gay Community. I think you'd enjoy it.

[@joshuajanduke]

Great points Da Big! Nowadays this generation is self absorbed, always on their phones- especially at clubs nowadays- it sucks !

[@notbuddha3982]

It is so tricky. It seems that if you hold a different opinion to the majority of gay men they suddenly label you as having ‘internalised homophobia’ 🤦

[@Spooncuddler]

I've become more of a lone wolf the older I've gotten. And now thanks to pandemic, been living in isolation.

[@mattlandsiedel]

Yeah I think the pandemic brought out a lot of peoples introversion even if they thought they were pure extroverts. It’s been challenging for many

[@htarceno]

I appreciate all you do for our community, You increase awareness

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for your support!😍

[@pianomanhere]

What a wonderful realization that younger gay men such as all of you are confronting these issues. Some of us older ones have a lot to learn from you. God bless you all. 👍 👍

[@tedbohn4738]

I'm 66 and I've been out since 1974. We had a very different set of challenges in our day and we did the heavy lifting to make a better world for Gay people who followed.

[@mattps.3040]

​@tedbohn4738 and its much appreciated thanks!

[@tedbohn4738]

For so many Gay men - especially those of us of a certain age (60+), we survived by any means necessary. Because as it was constructed in my day, hetero society, including the hetero family - was designed to insure that we did not survive. I know things changed and got better for Gaymen in your age range, but not altogether. I came out in 1974. We young Gay activists worked hard to change the world for future generations of Gay people - we had no choice really. In my day, our adolescence made Little Rock look like a bad afternoon. We worried about how we would get from one classroom to another, and then, in the last class of the day, we worried about getting home, and then how we would survive at home too. So whatever internalized strategies we devised to survive - including an indomitable desire to be left alone - are integral to our identities. Every day, I cherish my resolve. What I forgot, most people will never know. The circumstances are different for every Gayman. I'm glad someone is talking about these dynamics. They define our identities as Gaymen. They make us different. And they are dynamics that I don't want to talk about except with other Gaymen. I wouldn't want to be anyone else on this planet. I love the Gayman I am today. I protect that Gayman (because no one else ever did). I cut my remaining biological family off more than a decade ago; it was the best decision I ever made. I wish I'd done it much earlier. I'm not angry or bitter - just solid. Solid. Thank you for these videos. Hats off to you for the work you're doing.

[@lewlewlaser037]

this was so captivating to listen too, as someone who spends most of my time alone and at home I can relate to you guys, thank you.

[@calebchurch6152]

Notice how not a single one of them mention therapy but instead got the healing they needed from genuine relationships and community. We need to stop trying to pay to fix society and embrace each other.

[@TruthQuest4700]

It can be incredibly challenging for an introverted conscious empath to connect because we tend to crave something deeper beyond pop culture, for example, in order to feel emotionally and mentally satiated. It is possible to maintain freedom and connection within an accommodating relationship when both partners benefit by honoring both space and connection. Win-win!

[@billt3357]

Thank you for sharing as you have on this topic that I didn't even know existed. I too, am now aware I continuously navigate between these two ways of "being." I also noticed that Matt and Michael have the same mirror in their background in this video. 🙏

[@jamesrobiscoe1174]

Lots of "tidbits of juicy goldenness" here. Thanks to you three for opening up your experience and thoughts; enjoyed being in your company.

[@jethrolagon8511]

So much truth in this. I would consider myself an introverted extrovert and my challenge is accepting and living on the truth that being alone isn't always that fun (since I do enjoy my alone time, a lot). Your videos regarding loneliness really resonate with me as I find myself using them in a way to help me be more honest about myself-- to speak my truth--as i am on the process of self-healing.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Glad you’re here and glad you found us then ❤️

[@MrLetmein2011]

I live in London , the community is very sex based , very druggy and I’m sorry to say rather agist . I have had long periods of enforced lone wolf thinking because I am sober and want to keep myself safe from all of that . I can get casual sex when I want it very easily but real connection, not so easy . I now concentrate on my work, making money and keeping myself emotionally safe .

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's commendable that you're prioritizing your emotional well-being and staying true to your values. Finding real connections can be challenging, but your focus on work and self-care is a great approach. Good job!😍

[@behroozshahdaftar4209]

I love this broadcast, and I can relate. And it also made me question my sense of being an outsider: is this how others define me, or is that my self-definition. But I like to add that for those of us who are sensitive, the hookup culture prevalent in the community can feel alienating, even cold and heartless.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Hi there! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. We're glad you enjoyed the broadcast and could relate to it. Your insight into feeling like an outsider and the impact of hookup culture is deeply meaningful. It's important to recognize and discuss how different lifestyles and sensitivities can affect our sense of belonging. Your perspective adds valuable depth to the conversation. Take care!

[@barendkamperman1471]

I've finally been able to blend my lone wolf self and my relational self. We need both for the flexibility to cope with life and enjoy human connection. There is no game plan for a perfect life. But it's great to have people we're safe with and be there for.

[@mattlandsiedel]

I love this. Both/and not either/or for the win 🥇

[@billt3357]

Well said! And congratulations on doing all your personal work to get to this place of incorporated "being." 🙏

[@spectroman71]

Wow. This talk really hit home! I wasn't expecting to find a topic that so closely matched who I am, but I guess I am in fact a Lone Wolf! The desire to be independent, to do things alone, to seek comfort in solitude, while also wanting company and companionship, and especially the "not wanting to bother friends because I think I am an imposition"...whew! Mind blown. Oh, and the lack of love for Pride events, even though I do go :/ - you're my people. I watched this video through the lens of better understanding how each of you thrive through this platform because it allows you to still be lone wolves and still succeed in every way. And to my poor, extremely extroverted boyfriend who doesn't understand any of this anxiety I face on a daily basis - ying yang situation for sure!

[@coupecruiser]

What an amazing episode. Thank you very much. I resonate with this because for most of my adult life I have been that lone wharf. I’ve actually flown the flag quite proudly because it gave me a sense of independence. If I had not been ‘a lone wolf’ prior to my last 20 year relationship I don’t think my transition out of that relationship would’ve been a smooth as it has been because being alone helps you to build that superpower of resilience. I know that I am 43% introvert and 57% extrovert which makes me what apparently is called an ambivert. When I did this psychometric testing and discovered this, everything kind of fell into place and I made peace with being alone. Being an amp does have its perks, but there are some sides that are difficult to navigate. Generally being on your own is fine but sometimes it would be nice just to have someone there. I love my independence, and my fear is that should I be lucky enough to have another partner, how would that partner relate to me. Would they see me as being inflexible? I could go on, but I won’t, I really loved this episode and thank you very much guys.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights. It's wonderful to hear how you've embraced your independence and resilience. Navigating the balance between being alone and being with someone else can indeed be challenging, but your self-awareness is a powerful tool. We're glad you enjoyed the episode, and your thoughtful reflection adds so much to the conversation.🤩

[@salinadunn]

omg this was so good from@54.01-58.34 I was crying

[@tyrone21c]

I just watched this. This was a great discussion. I resonated majorly for me. Thank you.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We're glad you enjoyed the discussion! It's wonderful to hear that it resonated with you. Thank you for watching!😍💖

[@steveaustin286]

Thanks for your beautiful stories and openness. All part of the rich texture …

[@pauloj86]

watching this made me feel like the hardest part of my heart unlocked, opened up again and let me breathe out after a long time thank you for this ❤

[@mattlandsiedel]

So happy to hear this. You deserve to have an open heart ❤️

[@amandapreval2284]

As an extrovert with intimacy issues, I can relate so much. Although I'm still working on not feeling guilty for wanting connection and not feeling guilty for spending time alone

[@delonsoedwards8092]

I felt this episode so much! Thanks guys!!!!!!

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

thanks for watching!

[@thekajalflaneur]

I think I am more a lone cat, than a lone wolf.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Lol 😂👌🏼 🐈‍⬛

[@lizdelisle1912]

@@GayMenGoingDeeper Miaou

[@nekromantik2009]

Im what you consider to be the stereotype of introvert, someone who is shy/reserved. At same time i am also like Michael someone who is very self reliant and proud of that. Even though I prefer to be on my own i still get very lonely as I do not have any friends near or a bf. Being shy and have anxious means I cannot go up to strangers and 99% people dont approach me as I look stand offish or not "attractive"

[@kingforaday6121]

Wayyy too many great points ! Thankful for this channel ✌❤🌈 Happy Pride✌❤🌈

[@CalanBreckon]

Happy pride! Thanks for the ❤️🥰🏳️‍🌈

[@kingforaday6121]

@@CalanBreckon I'm sure I speak for many when I say thanks for the knowledge . It's what's going to move us into a place of power within ourselves as individuals and as a community . ✌❤🌈🌠

[@Alonzo42189]

I’m so happy I found this page ….. beautiful guys 🙌🏼 I totally resonated with each story … thank you 🙏🏽

[@CalanBreckon]

We’re glad you found us too!

[@Alonzo42189]

@@CalanBreckon I’m definitely the same as you guys …. It’s not a lot of us out there

[@bernardofitzpatrick5403]

Really helpful guys. Introverted lone wolf here. 🙌🏽 advaita Vedanta spirituality and nature lover .

[@veggiet2009]

I don't know if I'm a lone wolf, I suspect not, because I just recently left a toxic 'phobic community, there it certainly felt like I was a lone wolf because I always naturally just kept my distance from everyone, but now I really feel the absence of that community and a need to reconnect... I feel my lone wolf is simply (or maybe not simply) a trauma response from that community

[@Liam-cc1hl]

Thank you guys! What advice do you have for someone who has been a lone wolf for a very long time and their social skills have become very rusty? Also, Calan, would you agree that Czech men are the most beautiful men that walk this earth? I am Irish and I travelled to Prague and I was in awe at how many beautiful guys made me turn my head.

[@CalanBreckon]

Bahahah! I think MANY men all around the world are beautiful in many different ways but Czech men are indeed a handsome bunch 😄🥰 My advice? Make a conscious desist on to change your narrative and decide to no longer be a lone Wolf and then continue the daily work to find out what that means for you. Does that mean joining social groups like sporting, gaming, singing, etc or does it look like connecting more with your current fiends and family more? Just focus on 1 step a day, 1 thing, 1 new group/friend and see how it goes. But make the decision and then get curious on how you can walk toward that goal 🥰❤️🙏

[@ronsmith2241]

I can relate. I am gay but I was married to my accepting wife for 51 years. She had MS for 26 years and I was her carer. She has passed earlier in 2022. I live alone now and I am basically happy to be on my own. But the contact of my family is very little even though they live fairly close. The friendship of a couple of gay friends means a lot but I am not interested in being intimate with a guy. Some gays in a wider circle of friends can be very promiscous. One went to pool party with 72 naked gay guys. That would definitely freak me out big time. Often the gayest I get is to walk around the house naked on my own. But I always keep a pair of shorts in the cupboard near the front door in case someone rings the doorbell. :-)

[@mattlandsiedel]

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

[@johnstewart6049]

This was a good discussion 🤎🧐🤎

[@farahgiama]

There's reluctance and lack of courage to face the dark side of the gay community. It doesn't help much ignoring that shadow.

[@charleswilson4526]

When I think of lone Wolf mentality, I think of Stone Cold Steve Austin in 1997

[@thomasscottwilliams6672]

I’m v lone wolf and really wanted a friend for events in the arts, I have luckily found that but it has reinforced the idea that I’m self sustaining and my needs are met on my terms and I’m ok with that, I’m 50 and became disabled at 40, and I’ve been on my own managing disability and living in a new city. It’s tough I have no idea for dating as I’ve severe trust issues and I really want to meet more gay guys but I find it impossible

[@randallkreun64]

Thanks!

[@ted1091]

Wow. I wish I had known about this channel before today

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Better now than never! Thanks for being here ❤

[@kennyliu4512]

That guy from Prague could have dated a flight attendant before

[@delonsoedwards8092]

Wow! Two air signs? Gemini and Aquarius. What's Michael's sign? I'm a Cancer rising, Libra Sun, and Scorpio moon. My Libra sun is thinking that this podcast needs some .....broader perspectives. A fire sign, an earth sign, and especially a water sign.

[@WellismoCoaching]

3 air signs! I'm a Gemini as well ♊️ we all have different charts though, that is only our sun sign.

[@kso808]

I am mostly an introvert, and consider myself to be a bit of a lone wolf. Recently, I met someone online who I believe may be trapped in a "lavender marriage." I follow another YT channel that he produces, and have been trying to ingratiate myself with him, in the hopes that I may elicit himself to come out somewhat. I've had so many fantasies of him, but maybe I'm reading him wrong. He definitely exhibits the lone wolf syndrome, in traveling the world producing his vlogs on his channel, preferring to very much be alone, away from his wife. I'm about at the point where I think I may be too much trying to please him, and move on. Any thoughts?

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

It's best not to try a "fix" someone else's life and insert yourself. If you don't know this person in real life and aren't real life friends then it is none of your business. Someone else's private life is their private life and they don't own anything to anyone. People online and social media share the parts of their lives that they want to share, but that doesn't mean they owe it to anyone to share those things and people who are fans surly have no right to demand or ask anything in return.

[@jcepri]

How about starting with defining the Lone Wolf syndrome and how it impacts the larger community versus launching right into personal stories? I could not relate to this at all ss an older gay man.

[@boriskozuchowski8582]

Does Matt have a video on the Spiritual Lone Wolf? Would like to connect with other spiritual guys :)

[@mattlandsiedel]

I have tons of videos on my personal KZbin channel. I talk a lot about lone Wolf in many of them. Hopefully you find what you’re looking for.

[@davotravel]

I am pure lone wolf

[@charlesvincent8677]

So me!

[@johnstewart6049]

As a GEMINI I feel heavier than ever

[@mattlandsiedel]

Fellow Gem ♊️

[@raymarsh5455]

You know that you are dealing with intellectuals when they use their star sign to explicate their social phobias... If you are living in a provincial backwater, self-dependance is a survival technic. You are the product of your environment. The guy in the upper left hand corner is critiquing himself, as if he has full agency in the socio-economic development of his life. The other guys' personalities may be deficit in some respects, but the historic politico-economic conditions (that have seemingly enhanced the physical existence of human beings) are also extremely deficit when it comes to actualizing a gay person's life.

[@salinadunn]

Did the black man leave the show?

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Yes, Reno did move on. We have an entire episode dedicated to his final show where he shared more about his departure.

[@salinadunn]

@@GayMenGoingDeeper Thanks I have listened to your episodes and as. bi guy who has recently only accepted his sexuality your KZbin and Spotify shows are great. I prefer the KZbin when I have time to see your faces and love the Spotify when im working :-) So thank you guys for helping me

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

@@salinadunn thanks for watching us 😀

[@bhickman6]

"The black man?" Please educate yourself before you talk to anyone.

[@joshuajanduke]

All Three of you with all do respect can talk this bs - because your in your late 30’s - talk about this topic when your in your 50’s and the lone wolf utopia falls flat 😎🇺🇸

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Looking forward to it! 😉

[@joshuajanduke]

Looking forward to be in your 50’s or looking forward to be a lone wolf in your 50’s 😎🇺🇸

[@tedbohn4738]

I'm in my mid 60's. I hear you. But it doesn't mean that the issues they're raising are invalid. It just means that they're at a point in their lives where they recognize that this is an issue in Gaymen. I agree that we didn't have that luxury in our day - we just soldiered through it. But we worked hard to leave a better world for the generations of Gay people who followed us. Let's be grateful that they're doing something positive with the freedom we created. They're trying to create genuine community in which Gaymen learn to live with/among each other, building on our shared experiences and working out our differences. I'm not envious that we never had this type of freedom - I'm encouraged by the well formed identities they demonstrate as Gaymen, and the work they're doing. Keep up the good work guys! Please add Gaymen of color - that was part of the original Gay Liberation agenda.

[@tedbohn4738]

And also, maybe talk about how the lone wolf dynamic affects you/us as older Gaymen. That's valuable/important information which those of us who survived into our 50's, 60's, 70's and beyond, also need to discuss. I'd be interested in hearing what you have to say - and I'm 66.

[@joshuajanduke]

@@tedbohn4738 I really don’t know where to begin , I’m 64 and I have never considered myself a lone wolf just a survivalist in this high tech artificial world we live in, and believe me just surviving to 64 with friends who died of aids in the 80s to suicides from drugs, to the onslaught of social media at your throat, to a Gay movement that I believe is split in two

[@johnstewart6049]

w🤔w 👁️🤎that term LONE WOLF ‼️THATS ME‼️ In a g°°d and bad way This topic is super p🕵️larizing I'm s°° in

[@user-yp7be3vz2e]

after a long time tho, i don't want to share my space