Losing my relationship and my home (HDB resale flat)

Finally sat down to share. Asked Eugene if he was ok with me putting this up and he said he's OK too. Think we both felt that we didn't have all this info when we needed it so we hope it's useful to others. It's been a real rough patch but I trawled through and survived so if you're in a similar pickle, you'll get by!
Also, as much as the monetary losses are a huge pinch, I understand why the system is built this way and why HDB needed to penalize our change of mind/heart. It's simply adding insult to the injury since the real pains came from the loss of our relationship. Money can and will be earned back eventually.
EDIT: I do want to highlight that our net loss wasn't stated in the video and the info provided is to give a rough idea of the upfront payments required from us upon the surrender of the flat.
I couldn't provide the detailed numbers because we weren't given the exact breakdown of what was interest and what was the grant. I can't recall the exact amount of grants received either because the EHG was calculated after the submission of all the documents and wasn't a whole number given to us at the point of application.
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[@chowanmushi]

Thank you @ EVERYONE for the warmth and support you've shared with me. I am immensely grateful for your kind words ❤️ And for those who have asked questions and shared info to refresh my very cluttered memory. That being said, I have some important factual clarifications to make! 1. Overaching cost I wanted to share in the video was the upfront payments/cash out we had to do because that was the big question mark in my head back then. 2. The ~77k was NOT a net loss! Apologies if I had misphrased it. While we had to pay the money back, the break down of this cost includes the housing grants that HDB had given us to purchase the house. Enhanced housing grant = ~20k Family Grant = 50k Any additional monies paid back was accrued interest. 3. The 48k difference in purchase price, while painful considering market conditions, is not something I think HDB should've done otherwise. Since an actual valuation of the flat would've allowed us to profit off the house, making it unfair to everyone else in the same system. 4. If I'm not wrong, the flat is sold in the sale of balance of flats, and not the open market. I do not know the sale price of our flat after it was surrendered back to HDB, so I cannot confirm whether or not HDB made a profit there. On a random sidenote, if you happen to be the new owner of our old home, please take good care of it! And I still get a ton of random deliveries to that old address because people don't notify me when they send things over sometimes, so please let me know if you've been taking my parcels LOL.

[@ametrinenephrite7936]

I too am facing the same issue. We share the same values, morals and we click so well but the “in love” and romantic feelings just aren’t there. I love and care for her like a sister and like family. She is perfect but i just can’t find the feelings back. I dont think i will ever find someone as perfect as her. Many long term couples say this is normal to love each other and not to be “in love” but i dont think i can live that way. So this relates so much to me

[@4794Walker]

Hi Jia Hui, have faith and I believe you will find the right man to be with in the future. It is never easy in a relationship. But be brave and take your time to recover and take one step at a time. 🙏🏻🙏🏻 Years ago, I had a 7 years relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were preparing to buy our new home and planning for wedding. Unfortunately my ex girlfriend passed away in an freak coach bus accident in Norway while she was on holidays with her friends. I was devastated at that time. It was a a very tough time of my life, especially when we were a wonderful couple. We have things planned and bought. Take your time to settle all matters and remember to move on and don’t give up in your pursuit of happiness. Life is short, you will find happiness in future. May GOD gives you strength and wisdom. Take good care 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@Briguy1027]

Wow super confusing, but I'm glad you figured out all of the finances. I hope you get back on your feet and will eventually get another house. Luckily you're still young so there's still hope.

[@Varxde]

Really appreciate your candid sharing of the frustrating experience 🙏

[@matinfellani8187]

I’ve seen many couples rushing to get married or even buying a house in Singapore. Sometimes I wonder if it was true love or just a reason to find your own space. While I was living overseas, I had the chance to live by myself or when I dating someone, we got to share a space. It was amazing cause I got to see a different perspective in life. I’m sorry to hear this happened to you, this pain… it’s just temporary. You deserve to go on a long wild adventure, see the world, experience new things in life. Start looking at flights!

[@beny.5736]

Just a suggestion for those wanting to get a place before marriage - rent a place for a year or two to live with each other. After that, it will become clearer as to whether your relationship is built to last.

[@RukiaHayashi]

Man speaks facts

[@whitedaisies9355]

THIS

[@chowanmushi]

Yea, I think this is a good suggestion

[@mary-jane]

But is it the house which caused the relationship to fail? Because you can rent or buy but if the underlying cause is not resolved then it doesn’t matter? Perhaps sometimes commitment may force a couple wanting to work harder to solve their issues eg it’s easier to walkway from a rental flat and call it quit than having to sell away a flat. Same as married couples will think twice before wanting a divorce where BF/GF easier to just breakup, Low commitment

[@LadyWithAKnife]

@@mary-jane That's what people normally think imo. But reality is, divorce is still happening even after home is purchased and kids are born. The true suffering is when the kids experience trauma through their parents divorce 🤷‍♀️

[@ayleenng7130]

We have just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. Life is like a roller coaster. Ups and downs but you need to complement each other. No marriage is perfect. No one is perfect as well. Getting into a relationship is a mystery but staying in a relationship is a challenge. Good luck.

[@MRBOBOTHEPRO]

Completely agree. Marriage is a all or nothing game. Seems like Jia Hui is just trying to justify her actions and based on her fundamental views on relationships/marriage, she is simply too immature or does not have the temperament to maintain one for the long run. If I’m not mistaken she has been in multiple relationships prior to this and if this is probably reflective of her inability to stay grounded. Just my 2 cents + pointing out the truth. Not hating on her.

[@Magium321]

No one is ever build perfectly for you. No leaf or branch are ever built the same. Not even when they are from the same tree. You may feel, u need a partner that will perfectly understand you. But that will not exist. Ur partner and your may have similar goal and interest, but you two are different in some parts. Normally your partners accommodate to you to make u feel comfortable. But when it's the time you do it for him, will u?. Marriage cannot be one sided or it would not last.

[@minititan]

You belong in the boomer generation which was easy, today rs is harder due to feminism

[@ametrinenephrite7936]

Is it normal to love each other as siblings but don’t feel romantic love/in love with each other in long term marriages?

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@MRBOBOTHEPRO 💪💪💪💪💪

[@gratefultess]

“You can’t really plan everything, especially when it comes to feelings and relationships..” 💯

[@jbrkjferkjbekjb]

i disagree leh

[@huiyinghong3073]

Nah its very normal, everyone and anything is replaceable and disposable. Stop thinking that your relationship is anything special

[@jbrkjferkjbekjb]

@@huiyinghong3073 still can plan la, it's the reason why long marriages exist. you need commitment and clear-headedness to decide whether someone is right for you before you make that commitment.

[@ametrinenephrite7936]

@@jbrkjferkjbekjb what is your advice when romantic feelings are lost but still click well and values align? Does the relationship simply turn into a business partnership?

[@darthsidious9814]

@@ametrinenephrite7936 try to rekindle the romance

[@Dargoyaki]

So proud of you for confronting this again and sharing it for other people to learn from. You'll find your home eventually, sooner rather than later, I know it :)

[@amou95]

Time to slide in la bro. Whack only

[@tulipsandpeaches1834]

simp

[@Marcus99998]

Legend

[@atatur123]

@@amou95 What a name la mike

[@nicktan4530]

What is so proud about it?

[@grant-music]

When one door closes, many other doors open. It's scary, still, because this might've been the only door you've ever known, but whether you're aware of it or not, you're already breaking new ground. Yes, the emotional and monetary costs of this have been great, but I believe that you will eventually find a new home in many new spaces, new experiences and new people. You're a fighter, keep fighting 💪

[@kenzone]

Thank you for sharing. It was an honest and heartfelt account and I appreciate it. It actually brought back my own sad memories of divorce years ago. The home we shared was a private property but it was no less painful as we had to sell it quickly and below market value so that we could get a portion of our CPF monies back and move on to look for separate accommodation. Like you, both of us felt that home we shared was really our sanctuary, and till today nothing compares to what we had then. I have had 3 different homes since my divorce, and nothing has that same feeling of home and comfort of my first home with my ex. But thanks again for sharing, and be strong and move on. After the rain there’s always sunshine on the horizon.

[@Zampy100]

Wholeheartedly agree about the pains of housing and relationships being tied together. Thank you for sharing your experience so that others can learn as well; I’m so proud of you for talking about your story, especially knowing how mentally and emotionally draining this has been for you. But things will go up from here. And I can’t wait to see you settle into your forever home in the future 💪 Got your back all the way - love you chowchuap ❤️

[@sohchrissohchrissohchris]

Stay strong, it's very you to take a moment of personal hell and turn it into a learning opportunity for everyone else. Only when we experience the unbearable do we find out who we truly are and I'm sure you'll come out from it all the stronger 💪💪💪

[@lynnbek8993]

No worry you will find another ever better.

[@beckham48]

When I was young I want to get married at 24 and have kids by 26, and now in late 30s was still single as f, and now jobless, things just don’t turn out what u wanted, and as if life just want to test ur patience , yes can’t go back to the past, let’s us keep the faith that whatever is happening now is meant to happen and it will lead u to the better place in the future, it might not be now but soon things will get better ❤️

[@ebonyloveivory]

I agree with you. Wishing you and everyone the ultimate best!!!🥰

[@reelzerotuned3675]

Ikr.. just keep swimming.

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@reelzerotuned3675 Ohhh~ I remember that reference

[@pohjoel1]

The most frustrating thing is that there is no correct answer to how relationships work. To some, buying a house can be a common goal, target, commitment to work together, and for those same exact reasons, it could also tear 2 people apart. Time will heal, and money can be earned back, and when you look back on this someday, you'll probably see this as a small blip but a big lesson and experience in your life. Adulting is hard, but far from impossible. Wish you the best!

[@Sniperkiller560]

Totally feel you, breaking up after a 5 years relationship for me, things for me having spiralled downward and causing my mental health. It is never easy, even though we thought we might be ok. We never are totally ok. I am still working on myself to find a way to pick myself up from where I broke down.

[@whatthefitt]

Time will heal all the pain. It’s hard as hell, but you will get back on your feet eventually. You will look back, be wiser, perhaps thankful for the experience and see a brighter future ahead. Took me 8 months. All the best.

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@whatthefitt Mature and Grow indeed!!!

[@nav4688]

what was the reason yall broke :(

[@rysten7474]

When I first watched your video on 18 Mar 24, I empathised with your story. Then 8 days later on 26 Mar, my husband suggested a separation. I was devastated. We have just moved into our BTO 6 months ago and haven't even settled down properly. I am not sure why this video got recommended on my feed, but I now fully understand your pain, going through the process myself.

[@jordanchew6495]

hey girl, I know how you feel when you leave a long term relationship. I have been in 2, 1 for 10yrs the other for 4yrs and the reason why they are exs is because I just cant see a future with them. as you said, we just have to move on and don't ever stop believing that you deserve better. I found my current girlfriend amidst this pandemic thru apps and she turned out to be the best for me so far. dont ever get pressured by societal view and opinions on what should be and not. everyone is on their own timeline and we travel at our own pace. I'm not young anymore and my gf is 9 yrs younger than me but we're working out fine. always believe and you will soon find a home, not a house.

[@sleepy_dobe]

Stay strong girl. I could tell, even before your tears started flowing, that you were still really hurt by the breakup. A house is not a home. Home is really where your heart is, be it yourself, in your partner's heart, or some religion, or whatever. The ideal place would be your own heart. Make it full first, complete yourself first, then find a life partner who's also a complete person himself, then build a new home with him.

[@mypignest1]

Love comes and love goes. I ended, or rather we, me and my partner ended our 6 year relationship and I do understand everything you’re going through. I have so many good memories to carry me through the years ahead and so many lessons learned from this relationship. Good luck to your future undertakings and hoping love will find you again someday soon.

[@TrackerJackerrrrrrrr]

thanks for being so raw and intimate with your feelings on the internet! its not easy going through something like that but its life and its inevitable. stay strong! supporting you from afar!

[@blueraineee]

Agree with the sentiments about 'never having a place to call home'. I never really had my own rooms as I had siblings, and even when some finally moved out, their stuff still lingers around. Owning my own home has been my dream for a long time now too and also never felt like I had a place to call home. It's just a different feeling when you get to own your own home. It doesn't help that housing is hard to obtain in Singapore... and even BTO means waiting another 5 more years. It's so painful!!

[@angiemf9033]

Covid has caused many relationships to end. Hope all who have gone through this will grow stronger n find peace & joy soon. God loves you. Amen

[@hibiscuspalm9254]

Going through a divorce now and giving up my Punggol house too. It was really home to me, my perfect home. It was everything, or should I say better that everything that I have ever wanted. The high level, the unblocked views, huge windows, long kitchen..everything was perfect to me. I keep wondering if I will ever get a home as how this home was for me. I’ve never been to anyone’s house that I’ve ever liked more then my own. It’s heartbreaking to give it up. I have to go back to pack up and I’m just crying THINKING about it.

[@tjyd2a3]

Divorce due to?

[@linnychern]

Why can’t you stay and have the ex sell the house to your future partner?

[@okcoconuts]

It's a hefty price to pay for ending a relationship after purchasing a house, but I really hope that it was for the better!

[@kennethgomes9207]

I have been married 32years with 2 adult children. Moved HDB 5Rm to Semi-Pte HUDC then forced to sell due to Business failure then downgrade HDB 4Rm upgrade again to Maisonate and now Semi-Retired Fully Paid HDB 4Rm in Clementi. In all experiences we have lost more than $300k business failure, relationship strain we attended marriage enrichment programs to understand our different approach to problems/ stress/ children as man and woman. Understand that we think differently, it's not personal. Always moving on. The past is behind, Learn form it. The future is ahead, Prepare for it. The present is here, Live it. Thank you for your sharing 😊 🙏 Money can earn back.

[@Dripplets]

No questions to ask but I love you, Chow - you've got people you can count on to get through this. 🥺

[@rachelc7577]

felt like giving you a huge hug after u talked about your flat being your dream.. it's really not easy to leave something that you loved so much and you are so brave for sharing your story 🥺 i'm sure many people are excited to see you find happiness wherever that may be for you!

[@ZackChow]

marriage is on a daily basis, deciding to continue together as partners. there is nothing to plan, or unplan. its just life long commitment to the wedding vows made. wish you good health, better wealth, and best relationship going forward.

[@NicoleBernadette]

Thank you for your vulnerability to talk about something so real and personal❤️ You’re inspiring many with your courage to share your story!

[@frostysnowys]

Thank you for sharing your story, Chow! It must have been very painful to go through all the financial loss on top of grieving for your lost relationship. I appreciate you stick to your belief of using your platform for public education as well. There definitely should be more info out there about the housing system. You’re right that being a homeowner is not as important as being at home. Hope you have a sense of peace and belonging in your current place :)

[@damienlee927]

It's unfortunate, but this MOP period plus certain heavy monetary loss is there for good reason, to prevent abuse. Stay strong, money can be earned and your efforts are very evident in the work you do. Important thing is to acknowledge it was the right decision. Jiayou!

[@yoongimarryme9053]

Proud of you but it just makes me more appreciative and thankful that I am single and my flat is coming. I am afraid and lazy of stepping in a relationship after being single for almost 2 decades. 😅 All the best to you!

[@vinivnbul]

Take it easy and do your best for yourself with your life. I had been staying all over Singapore in rental rooms since the age of 25 and now I am 42...still staying in a rental room. I refused myself in purchasing a resale unit but it depends on each individual. Now I am waiting to collect my keys for my BTO 2 Room Unit as a Single. I appreciate that one day I shall have my own unit to call my home. I learnt to keep it simple and at the same time I learnt and understood the entire HDB process, rules and regulations. Bottomline - Do what you can and be prepared to go through the Psychological process in Life. Wishing you all the Best.

[@tirtakusumo]

Hey. I am 44 years old this year and I don't even know that the cost of cancelling hdb is so costly. This is a very eye opening video. Relationship is not easy. No one is right or wrong but more like a match (sounds tinder) from characters(almost no 1 in the requirement), hobbies, food to daily routines. I can only say lots of self willing sacrifices along the way but hey it will make all of us a better person in return. All the best. 😊. Thank you again for the great video, most impt great content.

[@niclyndalim3370]

:(( just broke up after getting back with my previous partner and my heart really aches for you, thank you for being so brave and sharing your experience! Keeping you in my prayers

[@RagTagRecycling9988]

Don't worry about the CPF, you will get it back again. On another note, now that you have this experience , you will only be better moving forward. Cheers!

[@darthsidious9814]

Better how?

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@darthsidious9814 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@YuTingCheng-mk3ye]

Keep growing better as a person! Never stop improving yourself. Naturally, you will attract the right energy. 旧的不去，新的不来

[@jacquelinek1848]

I cancelled my bto with my fiance for 4 years (i was 28) Got married the following year after buying my own place. (Lol) U can lose someone, but dont lose yourself in the process ❤️ be strong !

[@user-xe6jn3ir8w]

Thank you for sharing this info openly. Still confusing but either ways... Moral of story - Don't get together for the sake of house and not ignoring red flags. I'm sure you both considered thoroughly before making this big decision. Cheers to you both for being so brave. No point hanging on if both really find unsuitable and all. All the best to new chapter :) stay brave stay strong!

[@sairen5121]

I feel like since I don't want three things in my life, marriage,kids and living together, my dating scope is limited. That said I always believe that one need's to get a house for themselves and not for just the partner to stay together. I see myself in the future as being able to enjoy the things in life that I enjoy single or not in order to be a happier person.

[@terenceyee4977]

You are right. Relationships are more of accepting each other’s plus and minuses. Life is easier when we are able to live with differences regardless of marriage work etc. You are still young and you look so damm gorgeous. You will be much better and more ready in your next relationship. Remember life’s constant is about change. 🙃 feel free talk to me if you feel it helps. Thanks for sharing what happens about HDB and yes it kinda sucks. You’re a great girl!

[@trisonzephyr]

Going through a similar process on my own too. Annuled my marriage earlier this year, and currently in the process of surrendering my 2 years old BTO flat. Waiting for HDB to get back to me on the financial figures. Definitely feel for you that this is a difficult time to go through. Stay strong and keep fighting. :)

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@En Hui Lim 😥

[@joanqueen8009]

May God bless

[@user-tn8ev9tk4j]

Hi Jiahui, just stumbled upon this video and realized its been 1 year... look at how much have you grown! I believe you are doing very well now based on your collabs with (Samsung and other large companies?) You are a strong, smart and confident lady and always supportive of your work. Remember that you had been through the lowest point of your life and the only way is UP. All the best in your future endeavors!

[@chowanmushi]

Wasn't expecting this at all. Thank you so much, I am full of appreciation

[@janispereira1586]

You're so strong & brave. Take one step at a time & it's ok if you encounter 5 steps back & 2 steps forward. Your life will turn out amazing, I promise you. I wish you everything good & thank u for sharing your story. I"m sure you've helped many people through this & you can be so proud of yourself. Have a great life!

[@jt8916]

Thank you both, for agreeing that you share this so openly. You and us veiwers have learnt from what you went through. Yes, time to move on, and do what makes you really happy. That's the reason for our existence ! Wishing you all the best.

[@seniorlo2854]

I usually never comment, but thank you so much for this Chow. Ive recently ended a 4 year relationship too and the struggle of wanting to stay together because there's no big issue to break up over was one I struggled with too; at least till it all built up & exploded :") I really relate with you and feel so validated to know I'm not alone in my experience, thanks Chow

[@JANnified]

Thank you for sharing! I agree that housing in SG has gotta change somehow, maybe someday. I hope you’ll find that dream home someday, with or without a partner 💜

[@judyc294]

Your honesty, courage and authenticity is most admirable, Chow! There will always be trials and tribulations in life but it's how you pick yourself up and push on that matters. Clearly, you are one that will succeed; how can you not with that impressive level of intelligence, maturity, articulacy and determination. I am a fan!

[@chowanmushi]

Thank you so much, Judy!

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@chowanmushi 😌😌😌😌😌

[@alvinterence]

There are so much uncertainties when it comes to relationships… even more so when a BTO is an element to it. Thank you for being so candidate in this video. Sending you love and positive energy, Chow!

[@soph9606]

It's really brave and helpful of you for telling us about this sensitive and yet real situation anyone may face, thank you!😊❤

[@alexnaama09]

Im so sorry for all your losses Jia, its never easy to let go of things that we know to be our constant. But you are a beautiful, brave and strong person. Life is a journey that we navigate through all the ups and down. We will all be here cheering you on and lending a shoulder to cry on if and when needed ♥️ always be your true self 🥰

[@asdfkie]

One of the worst feelings is setting up and creating your own space, and having to give it up to someone else for a lowball price. I’ve been through this for a business close to my heart, although it’s not even close to giving up a home, but you just have to look forward, have better things ahead and move on. Good luck!

[@freeagentnetwork]

Thanks for sharing your personal life story with us, really feel with you and am with you on this…… Take care and look ahead for more exciting future ahead!

[@hsienhui86]

Thank you for sharing your experience 🙏🏻 Indeed it is very painful, even watching you reiterating it hurts 🙁 stay strong girl 🤞🏻

[@isabellajones8595]

My relationship ended just a few days ago too I literally said I can’t do this anymore and I resonated with everything you said I thought we’d be together forever too I never thought it would happen but apparently when life throws you curveballs there’s not much you can do about it

[@toki7111]

I just wanted to let you know that you're really beautiful, put together and level-headed. I hope and know you can get through this. Sending love 💛💛💛

[@gnorwgnihtondidreltiH]

Lol simp

[@englianconnietan1931]

The lesson is simply,do not force love. If u must split..just go separate ways. You lost some money but it is better than trying to get together, start a family,break up, leaving miserable children of single parent. You cannot force love. You can only cultivate love. When you start over again, avoid making the same mistake. When someone loves you ,you will know it. They must love you n wish to be a happy companion till u grow old. If not, don't force,you can't force love. When someone loves u,he will treasure you n take care of you n make you happy. If he can make u happy,just separate ways, to be fair to both of you. Forget him. Set him free. A

[@debbiesim2085]

you’re really brave to share this online. stay strong ✨💪🏼❤️

[@loveefied]

Wow….. Chancing upon this video 1 year later but just wow, surprised to see such a similar story to mine. Also about 4 years together, bought a resale together due to circumstances at his home, stayed a coupled a months and surrendered the flat. Except mine ended on a nasty note from infidelity and subsequently after I moved out, he stayed on and started illegal renting. It was right before COVID and the surrender process had to drag an entire year because the valuator couldn’t do the inspection during lock down. It was so emotionally draining and then so liberating when the surrender appointment finally came. HDB officers also said our situation is very unique because no ROM, haven’t MOP, cannot keep house. It’s so easy for others to comment negatively as if they have never been forced by circumstances or made mistakes their whole lives. I wanna say you’re not alone and some journeys are necessary for growth. No regrets, only lessons learnt. I’m in a much better place and state of mind now and I hope you are too! 💪🏻❤️

[@kookmania1405]

thank you for being brave! I pray for all things good for you and Eugene.

[@davidyew1978]

Thank you for sharing. Very unfortunate regarding your relationship and your house. Be strong and overcome this adversity and believe good rewards will follow.

[@The88LA]

thank you for your honest sharing. went through a similar experience with my own long term partner few months ago. completely relate with you that its often an accumulation of anxiety, stress - often a small petty thing triggers the end. despite how much love there is and not that love is lacking either. really sucks to hear how hdb adds insult to injury financially in this case. but it is what it is. keep your chin up and best foot forward. rooting for you

[@huiyinghong3073]

Nah its very normal, everyone and anything is replaceable and disposable. Stop thinking that your relationship is anything special

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@huiyinghong3073 😥 really unfortunate

[@huiyinghong3073]

​@@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS I feel HDB should only allow a couple to purchase and own a HDB flat only AFTER a successful marriage. At least if something like a breakup happens, the couple will not have to pay a penalty or lose a home, since they dont own the HDB in the first place.

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@huiyinghong3073 😭

[@flirtatiousdisses]

Hey Chow, thanks for sharing your experience. It's funny how I kinda would never expect you were going thru this cos on TSL, you've portrayed yourself to be so bubbly and cheerful. I'm glad that on this channel you can be totally raw and true with us. I totally resonate with you when you said you needed your own place to call your own and when you moved in, you finally felt peace. I too, have been on a journey with that and finally going to move out soon to rent. Keep your chin up and i'm sure that if you don't lose faith, you will def get there!

[@EytheriaNoCopyrightMusic]

hope everything works out for you in the end...but am still shocked that the financial cost is seriously harsh when this sort of thing happens!

[@lijmes]

Thx for sharing. We humans tend to put a figure to our loses and I know its painful, but the measure & impact of it will truly be felt with time and how you choose to move forth. More often than not, when we look back years from now we tend to be thankful evrything happened as it did, and I wish u as such. Once again thx for sharing, you're brave and u did evryone a service by posting this. Cheers!

[@yennlow]

This happened to me more than 10 years ago. I've since remarried and bought a better place. You will recover from this with time and faith! In the fog of a painful divorce, I remember going down to council to ask how best to navigate the HDB flat situation. The person unkindly told me to sell it or figure out how to get my husband back. It was only when I engaged my divorce lawyer that a lot became clearer to me. We decided to sell only past the 5 year mark to minimize financial losses. I moved out in the meantime. It also worked out for us personally since we couldn't see ourselves remarrying so soon. We ended selling for a slight profit. All circumstances are different. I wish you well onwards! On hindsight, I wished I didn't marry so young. It's best to try renting a place together first

[@arvobrendon4267]

Well you all choose between a tall handsome man there you go there q free gift This is why all good man find a better woman in overseas and you ladies in Singapore can only jealihs

[@contrarian2496]

Seems like HDB buys back at much lower price because there's no COV component. HDB would then strip off all inbuilt carpentry and resell the flat under Sales of Balance flat. Lots of youngsters are committing to HDB flats before getting married, those who went for BTO ended up forgoing their 5% downpayment. For resale HDB it might be wiser to wait till marriage before committing to the purchase because the timeline of getting a resale HDB is swift, but for BTO some may choose to take the risk of balloting before marriage especially when FOMO kicks in when a prime location BTO launches.

[@meat_loves_wasabi]

Saw many relationships ended during Covid.. perhaps contributing factor was wfh and spending too much time together in the same confine area… my childhood sweetheart & I have separate rooms to work from during these past 2yrs which kinda help… daily separation is important

[@Msiaboleh]

Hi Jia hui, you are still young & hv many opportunities to save up to buy another BTO flat in future.So pull yourself together.Most importantly take your time to know a gd partner.dun marry the wrong guy in haste & get into unnecessary financial loss. I wish u good luck to your future & buying a new flat.

[@sawyewweng5096]

Hearing this, I can really feel for you, but at the same time, this is such an honest and insightful video. Thank you very much for sharing, and I'm sure you emerge from this ordeal a stronger and better person.

[@garrypaulfernandez4983]

Dear Jia, this what you have been through, l was like being stabbed twice, first your break up & then the surrender of your brand new property.. such a painful experience, yes the way you handled this dreadful situation & so gracious to share your bitter,painful experience truly gives me hope, l pray you will be given new light into your life, & you will find a kind honest loving & GOD fearing partner.. you are young & soo sweet & pretty.. take care. These extremely bitter experiences will surely come to pass one day, l pray. GOD BLESS.

[@discopandaditz]

Thank you for sharing Jiahui, when you said it was a dream to have a space to call your own, that was something I felt 100%. Better things will surely come your way :)

[@suyuw7532]

Thanks for sharing this, I believe it is comforting for many to see this, especially for me as well as I gone through a breakup several months back. After watching this I want to say that You are just simply amazing. And always love your energy and honsety about flaws, really shows who we truly are instead of struggling to put up a front like what even non-influencers do. Glad to hear it had your pain to let out and managed to fully moved on and have closure Chow, will be rooting for ya:) also your singing is great.

[@yong79]

So sorry you are going through such hard times. The pain is not forever and you will cover your financial losses over time. Use this time to heal, don’t be tempted to go into another relationship before you are ready and be kind to yourself. You are amazingly brave and love will find you again. Be strong.

[@seanlow6748]

Well, it is painful to watch your video but I will say this. Relationships are never certainty even after marriage. It takes effort on both sides to listen, be emphatic, know each other, give and not just take, be accommodative and more. Hope you will move on from this episode and start a new chapter. Cheers!

[@humanshieldz]

Sometimes you plan too much, it gets tiring and life is not exciting anymore. The most important is to chill and not give each other pressure.

[@eatdriveplay]

There's a difference between valuation vs. transaction prices. All resale flats have a valuation price, which when you purchased the resale flat, it would be valued on the same basis for calculating max loan amount. So it isn't HDB penalizing you, by valuing it lower - but that is actually the valuation price. I do feel sad for you and the pain of losing a dream home... :( Take care and hope you find your dream home and partner some day.

[@gobfranklin6759]

Thanks for being honest. We have all been through this. You will recover and grow stronger. Keep you heart open for love in the future.

[@teesong6801]

Life has a lot of challenges. Appreciate your honesty and wish both of you the best.

[@jaylachia8574]

THANKS for being open to share so vulnerably and your very realistic advices , JY chow

[@faithhauseofcards372]

Thank you for sharing this. You make people like us feel more supported that we are not alone in this.

[@christophrobin2892]

It’s my first time watching your video.. I like to say, nothing is easy but time helps you to grow… what sucks is that moving on to a new journey. Glad that you’re sharing here at least you have place to share

[@shenlim7888]

Just to clarify, there's no such thing as penalty from HDB just because you changed your mind or your situation made you to let go of your flat b4 your MOP. Rather misleading for you to say that. In your situation, had you and your partner got married (means registered with ROM, got cert etc), the both of you would be able to write in to HDB to resell your flat under special circumstance in the open market citing divorce as a reason even b4 MOP. When you bought your place, you probably paid a cash component above valuation, which means you paid above true market price. Recent transactions don't reflect true valuation of the flat, it merely shows what willing buyers are willing to offer even if it means above the true market value. However, HDB's approach is to buy back at valuation value coz when they sell the unit under sales of balance, its tagged to the valuation, NOT the recent prices. Should you have sold it back to HDB at a peak "HOT" market period, your valuation might be even higher than what you paid and you would have ended up making a profit. When that happen, will you praise HDB for buying it from you at a good price?

[@efgerfgergferg6749]

Can you do this immediately after ROM? Seems like a hack to profit from HDB this way

[@shenlim7888]

@@efgerfgergferg6749 After ROM divorce and try to sell the flat? Very soon you will have the police knocking on our door to go cantonment drink kopi over possible charges under marriage of convenience.

[@CrimsonEclipse]

I think the whole video is less about the real estate market and more about the inconvenience of their broken relationship. Let's just say it was poor timing on everything. Also I guess the relationship was bad enough that they couldn't just temporarily lived together until the market was high. There was like 4 bedrooms in the flat.

[@HumdrumSingaporeanREACTS]

@@CrimsonEclipse Food for thought~

[@Alfred192]

Hi Chow Jia, I accidentally come cross your video clip. I’m sorry to hear your relationship was unfortunately coming to end. Relationship is not difficult but not underestimate either. I’m not telling you what to do but if I were you, a short break in relationship might make both of you realised how much you need for each other or still love each other. It’s easy to throw away but it hard to keep it together though. That said you seem a lovely well spoken intelligent girl and high rate the value ( note on of your video). If you guys discuss and resolve the issue, take a short period from relationship to see if it works. It did for me in the past so I pray it might work for you too. I have realised that giving space to each other is very important in the relationship. Good luck . Jay from london

[@cassidygan159]

You are so strong despite and in spite of what you went through. This sharing is very very helpful not only for those who are going through a similar journey of uncertainty and it certainly helps you to have a clearer understanding of yourself. Jiayou!

[@michaelkoschar3434]

Yeah (relationships) cant be forced and im going thru it now ... stay strong and all the best!

[@teojunjie5683]

Youre amazing Chow! Strong, smart and so full of energy!

[@jolenelim2116]

Chow, you’re really amazing and brave for making this decision!! Giving you lots of love right here ❤️

[@irishelina94]

I lived together with my ex too (rented house) and we felt the fragility of the relationship then. But I couldn't let go, so we carried on as plan and BTO. In the end we broke up. Thankfully in our case, we have only forfeited the $2K selection of unit. But breaking up was so painful, i end up spending a lot of my own therapy.

[@katebluchan8790]

To avoid making this costly mistake in future, perhaps you and the boyfriend should rent a room/ flat together and experience living as a couple for one year. Seeing his values, lifestyle habits, and method of resolving conflict would give you clarity about moving to the next big step of buying housing together. Be wise, not impulsive. Take care!

[@suzyzoo5545]

Thanks for sharing these information despite going thru such a difficult time yourself. Buying a resale is simply an expensive affair. Everyone is greedy and will sell way above valuation. Once you have purchased, there is Minimum Occupation Period of 5 years regardless of any issues or conditions. If you buy the resale at high price, then its harder to try and sell it low next time. Thats why everyone is going for BTO, its slow but cheaper and newer. Its just crazy to own a flat in SG unfortunately.

[@hsx9300]

You tried hard, no regrets, you grew from this, which will make you happier in life

[@cw4086]

Hey Jia Hui, Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I had a close friend in a similar situation (with a man that turned verbally abusive after marriage) and we found there was really scant information on the HDB website / forums on losing resale before MOP due to divorce, especially the vague "sold back to HDB at market price" (What is market price anyway? $100? Whatever the government deems it to be?). Please don't take some of the critical comments on the video to heart. People are really ridiculous and lacking empathy. Much respect to you. Women like you show other women that they don't have to accept staying forever in a bad situation like some of the wives of our parents' generation.

[@FangToh]

I know someone that applied for a BTO because his girlfriend said it was time despite him saying he is still in school and that would mean she have to wait another few more years for him to finish school for marriage, she said she is willing and they have been together several years so decided to go ahead with the pre wedding shoot and BTO. After applying and putting in the deposit for it, she had a change of heart and decided not only to break up but to leave without any closure or explanation. His CPF was wiped out despite working every school holiday since young and had more than most of us his age. It's just really unfair and heartwrenching when something like that happens. Whether it was a joint decision or not, the need for someone to be tied down to another person by the law of marriage to have a home is outdated and should be revised. Some don't have the means to just back out of it.

[@skye8537]

sorry i gotta disagree with ur statement buddy

[@carinaljq3242]

Sorry to hear that. I had an ex colleague who stayed in her marriage even after her husband cheated on her 3 times. She was a housewife with 1 infant and 2 young children at that time. But she chose to stay on due to financial issues and her husband did not divorce her. After working in a job for 3 years, she decided to divorce her husband after catching him bringing other women to a restaurant. This is just they bought a new house (MOP not done) and he finished paying debt from a failed business. It is a really miserable way to cling to your marriage because you have no job to support

[@tayhuiyun7238]

Thanks for sharing!! I wish you nothing but the best as you navigate through ur experiences and emotions. 😊

[@srsleysarah]

Thanks for sharing babe. Can't be easy putting yourself out there like this!

[@akabaneaki]

Thank you very much for sharing us this precious info! We really needed a straight forward simple system for this kind man, its just so annoying how the system is always so confusing

[@kennykhoo1504]

Be strong! Always believe that after every storm, there a big rainbow waiting for you. Be positive! =)

[@JuzNicky]

A BTO might be seen as a rock in the stream, wherein the stream being the ever changing flow of the growth of love. Nothing ever goes to plan, things always changes. looking at the older couples like our parents, one thing that really changed was the level of compromise that mitigate the growth and change. looking back I regretted nothing with the experiences I tried and grew up with. " To love isn't about possession. " Let the person go if you truly love the person, Be happy for the people you love and let go. Time is constantly changing, so does the level of compromise. Even if the live together thing happens within a 1 / 2 / 3 year period. things will still change. but that's not to say that you can't do. but there is no try. put in effort to love and find that compromise that makes the imperfect love perfect. The pain and the past isn't about the negate of what the love could have been, rather the chance and choice that love happened. and it shapes and lets the person grow. and a poem to ponder on. To Love Is Not To Possess by James Kavanaugh To love is not to possess, To own or imprison, Nor to lose one's self in another. Love is to join and separate, To walk alone and together, To find a laughing freedom That lonely isolation does not permit. It is finally to be able To be who we really are No longer clinging in childish dependency Nor docilely living separate lives in silence, It is to be perfectly one's self And perfectly joined in permanent commitment To another--and to one's inner self. Love only endures when it moves like waves, Receding and returning gently or passionately, Or moving lovingly like the tide In the moon's own predictable harmony, Because finally, despite a child's scars Or an adult's deepest wounds, They are openly free to be Who they really are--and always secretly were, In the very core of their being Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

[@Jejdjejbfjf]

Chow should take ownership/responsibility over what has happened. She herself mentioned in previous vids that she was with Eugene even though the feelings were not strong, and now she says things like “you can’t plan feelings” to indirectly blame the system. No, her feelings stayed the same, but she chose a different way of handling it and changed her mind. Don’t blame the system and take ownership of your own “feelings”, so that you don’t hurt yourself and others unnecessarily (esp Eugene).

[@26raylim]

In any other country this will not even be a problem because there is no stupid rule that say you must be married to buy a house. How the fk is someone going to find a stable relationship and apply for HDB and actually get an allocation Before 30? You must be dating and fking your secondary school friend for that to happen>. Government fault, fked up policy

[@Tests]

ikr I feel like she blur blur herself in.

[@mohadams3754]

Did you even watch the video? She isn't blaming the system, she's calling it fair

[@pannpann1694]

OMG !!! So sad to hear the HDB part! Stay strong! Still sad how these policy indirectly punishing one with mistake in life. 😢

[@huiyinghong3073]

I feel HDB should only allow a couple to purchase and own a HDB flat only AFTER a successful marriage. At least if something like a breakup happens, the couple will not have to pay a penalty or lose a home, since they dont own the HDB in the first place.

[@chiatlard88]

Thanks for being brave enough to share your experience!! There's really not much info online if things go south...

[@AinzOoalG0wn]

ty for sharing this. it must have been tough to do so, but in sharing u have also helped others tackle issues they also be experiencing similarly to this or at learned something positive. i hope things work out for u, stay strong.