Love Yourself: Here’s How - or, The Four Pillars of Self-love

[@amypie11]

Your insight is astounding. Finally a logical explanaition of self love that doesnt involve a bubble bath and lighting a candle.

[@spro0077]

🤣

[@KN-os1pv]

I'm laughing too! :D

[@natalijaslaidina7028]

😅

[@YJ-et6xu]

😂

[@rabbit3212010]

😂😂 This is my first time here. I haven't even listened to the upload yet but, from your comment, I already know it's for me!

[@davidhatle5486]

I hope 7 billion people will hear this

[@pallysupatra]

I put this on my BOOKMARK that I will be listening to this every day after I just came out from a narcissistic relationship. I need to hug and trust my own rock. Thank you Prof. Sam

[@Serbiasestra]

It is really refreshing to hear Sam talking affirmative on positive matters, not only darkness of pathology.

[@clarencegibbons6599]

Thank you for outlining the talking points of the lecture.

[@JesusChristIsKingIsGod]

Self love; 3 tests 1. See yourself as you are 2. Need to pursue your happiness 3. Pursue favorable outcomes 4 conditions for self love 1. Self-awareness A.Intimacy with self B.Detailed C.Compassionate 2. Self-acceptance A. Unconditional B. Embrace core identity 3. Self-trust, that you are pursuing your best interest 4. Self-efficacy, that you are capable of setting goals and accomplishing them

[@CocoMac]

Thank you for delineating these so nicely.

[@VigiliusHaufniensis]

Thanks a lot

[@lifepsycleofficial24]

Thanks a lot for this!

[@hope-lu9rj]

thank you 🌟🌟🌟🌟

[@angelakh4147]

Thank you. I looked at your outline as I listened. It helped!

[@RRP9860]

People are extremely quick to remark, "just focus on your own happiness". The remark by itself means nothing, in this recording you actually explained to people HOW to do that. Much respect.

[@brittneysmith1695]

Please make more videos like this!

[@amyjohndro5746]

Thank you, as I sit here at what feels like my lowest point (I am diagnosed BPD) and was just discarded by my partner of 4 yrs. 4 days ago,I’m trying not to wallow In the rage I’m feeling. I know self love is important and in a moment of clarity I can see it’s my only way out of this. Thank you for not telling me to journal, take a walk, or find a hobby, but to dive deep into my own self awareness and take a stand to save my life literally.

[@amyjohndro5746]

@@vixenxiiiv it’s been a couple weeks now, highs and lows and a couple attempted Hoovers. I haven’t folded, I got 2 DBT workbooks and have delved into them. I have been in therapy for a while so it’s a refresher because this triggered a lot of things I thought I had healed already. I’m proud that I haven’t spiraled completely, and that I haven’t attempted retaliation. I’ve been quiet and gone within, so that’s a start I guess.

[@adamat4082]

Hey, how's it going? Hope you're doing better @@amyjohndro5746

[@quantised1703]

Once you reach the core identity, you have to embrace it. This core is strong, reliable and will not be affected by anything that's happening. You're gonna cling to it, like you cling to a rock in a stormy sea to not sink. Everything else is a storm, you need to embrace and cling to your rock to live 🙌🏼

[@elmtree33]

Who else here has done so much therapy/work on yourselves, thought you were near to fully healing childhood traumas, listened to this, and realized you still have so much more to go? 😭

[@rachangel1951]

Thank you so much for another life changing message, Mr Vaknin. You are saving lives.

[@drkknath]

This is the most valuable message I got in internet till date. Heathy self love is the basis of all interaction we have in the universe. 🙏

[@milosander5249]

Seriously brilliant and well articulated. 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆

[@benngatier1058]

Sam this is the most important 30 minute video I have watched on YT. I have come out of a marriage with a cluster B personality and to listen to these wise words which reassure my core is intact and I just need to engage fully with myself again.

[@kyliereef7664]

I was so dumb before this video. Loosing core identity. Growing up in embellishment. You just changed my life. ‼‼💗😄 Thankyou Sir

[@GJS-live]

Superb stuff Sam, thanks. So few of us realise that without a good, nurturing relationship with our 'selves' - our relationships with others will always be challenging, disappointing and fragile.

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

Thank you. I experienced many of these unhealthy traits most of my life. After 12 years of inner work I am beginning to love myself. Thank you for your explanations. This particular one touches a bit on gender dysmorphia. I have a 17 year old daughter that told me she hates her body and she “feels” she is a man. Of course there was plenty of toxicity all her life: narcissistic father, codependent narcissistic mother. It is so painful for me to look back and see how much psychological damage I caused on my children. I pray they forgive me for all the toxicity I brought them to.

[@jastity8646]

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. But this gender dysmorphia might have happened anyway. You’ve got a son, help him.

[@jastity8646]

Kristin D Why yikes?

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

@@gaynorbishop9749 thank you for your kind words

[@mariaalforque6430]

This lecture should be teached in this world rather than teaching religion.

[@evaweiss132]

Thank you for sharing your insight and deeply felt knowledge of the human condition.

[@mariaalforque6430]

@@evaweiss132 You're welcome. I had this big question for such a long time. Why we've been studying about God so much and yet we barely know about ourselves.

[@iamk5686]

@@mariaalforque6430 this is basically the premise of eastern philosophy and spirituality

[@jena7456]

Wow! This is such a wealth of information and so important . This would have been so much better than any counseling I have received beginning in my early twenties ! Now at 49 yrs old I am finally healing from childhood traumas and divorcing a toxic narcissistic attorney - I had great relationships that came to me in my earlier years and yet I sabotaged them. I realize that now - so maybe just maybe there is 1 more great relationship in my future !

[@tashacook2451]

I TRUST MYSELF NOW. I ACCEPT MYSELF, NOW. THANK YOU MR. VAKNIN DEAR SIR.

[@tashacook2451]

I AM INDEPENDENT. I CAN POLICE MYSELF.

[@jacqielee2744]

Wow, that part where you tied together the external locus of control, feeling like you have no say in the outcomes of your own life, and how then, your attention and energy is directed outwardly really was eye opening, and extremely helpful for me on my journey out of the role of being a narcissists ideal victim. I'm no longer a slave, but I have a lot of things to learn still.

[@TheAnettitta]

Amazing lecture. Your knowledge and wisdom is life-changing for many! 🙏

[@liza5026]

Dear Sam, you give me SO much wisdom and Light, after recoverring from narcistic abuse. Thank you SO much

[@sandrameander69]

Thank you so much for this talk. This went right to my core. It made me realize things about myself that I have been struggling with, and made me feel not so alone. I will need to listen to this video more from time to time to really learn the valuable lessons. This was brilliant!

[@sakshichopra645]

This is the best self help advice I've had in a long long while. Thank you Dr Vaknin for this gem.

[@tashacook2451]

I LOVE MYSELF, I FORGIVE MYSELF. AMEN. THANKS MR. VAKNIN DEAR SIR. SHALOM TO YOU

[@Giyuo]

I feel one can be critical of themselves but compassionate at the same time. Seeing full well how we can be an idiot, corrupt, insane, but embracing that fact instead of shunning it. So that when we fail it is seen as a learning process instead of defeat.

[@CandyLove0722]

i always thought self love is just taking a break when you are tired of this and that. I now completely understand in my inmost what self love really means.. thank you

[@nothingnew765]

Well put Sam! A comprehensive look at positive/true self-love, was great listening!

[@hasnasoliman6722]

Genius talk. To the point and very helpful. He actually summarized my issues completely. How destructive conditional love and overly citicizm and rejection in childhood and relationships can be. I wish everyone would learn this at school. We live in an emotionally illiterate world.

[@dhawkins78412]

Self love and self acceptance are my biggest challenges. Accepting the good and bad without conditinal love. Thank you!

[@abovetheroses-3799]

This is much better than wallowing in understanding/overthinking/self-doubting/analysis-paralysis. Thank you.

[@briggsjaxon8059]

you prolly dont care at all but does anyone know a method to get back into an instagram account?? I was stupid lost my login password. I love any tips you can offer me

[@marcoroy5209]

@Briggs Jaxon instablaster ;)

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

True 😂

[@dande_lion]

Wow, this is superb! Never heard all of that together in such a clear way.

[@believer9258]

This is amaizing im actually glad there is something known as healthy narcissism. Thankyou professor

[@katherinew2189]

That was an extremely helpful talk Thank you. . Have all those internal self critical voices and will continue to work on it. Can’t change my experiences, mistakes, failures or that I have PTSD however, I can change how i view my life and learn to accept myself.

[@crackmassage]

Once again Mr Vaknin provides a very clear explanation without resort to mystical concepts. In this video he takes on how many of us have been thwarted, from our very childhood, from achieving even some of the basic elements of happiness. What he's calling self-love here is actually the basic formation for healthy functioning in life. He explains how to attain this ourselves in a measured step-wise manner, demystifying the language of the psychological concepts in clear English immediately, in each case . Thank you once again, sir.

[@shashwat1006]

Goals should be- 1) Rational 2) Realistic 3) Beneficial

[@thendebele]

But the SMART model they teach you in MBA. Terrible 😂😂😂

[@Cobyin17]

Im going to love myself by now. With all my flaws and good sides. Thank you so much

[@Hotlips313]

Thank you again Professor Sam Vaknin yet again another masterpiece of a video from you. You are the best I've come across in helping me with my way forward in healing and finding myself again to get on the journey to love myself again. Plus realizing i was part of the problem and I take responsibility in that in wanting to be in the fantasy that was sadly sold to me with my Ex narcissist.

[@janicegeorge-allen1924]

Thank you Sam Vaknin.

[@janejeffery2615]

oh and i love to listen and write down notes ,,,, this one is awesome going to add it to my self care agenda during this great opportunity of isolating into oneself love love love thyself be true

[@gracetrindade6335]

Thank you a million for this clear and direct explanation of this problem.

[@oluwaseeniolabode-odebunmi6864]

First time I saw this, I was so depressed, wasn’t sure what I was doing and was devastated that I might have NPD. This video has been part of my journey, and now I feel a lot better actually. It works.

[@matthewgardner1712]

Sam is so right: Why love someone who doesn't love him/herself ...(?) Learned the answer the hard way.

[@GalickGon]

I have to disagree only because I do think love should be unconditional. Shouldn’t be under the condition they love themselves either. But his point does still stand

[@matthewgardner1712]

@@GalickGon I think you misinterpret the idea of unconditional love here: for me unconditional love refers to the dyade, and thus the loved one has not to love back. But if they do not love themselves, that's a general condition, beyond the dyadic love. In this respect, your point of view on unconditional love seems to be easily compatible with Sam's point about the self-love of the other person. eg: I can love a tree unconditionally. But I should not expect to be loved back by this tree, because the general conditions for being loved back are simply not given with a tree. Nonetheless, there speaks nothing against unconditional love from my side. ;-) What do you think of this?

[@irislind5313]

Very clear and helpfull. My father told me I was stupid and difficult and I sufferd from that all my live.

[@sucheta8619]

Thanks, it is so useful in understanding the real meaning of self-love it's not limited to telling you how awesome, you are but includes lots of groundwork which might take months or years to complete

[@shashwat1006]

Very true. Many people act in a self sabotaging and self destructive ways.

[@Nandaksilva]

Thank you so much for sharing this knowledge! I’m glad to be sure now watching this video that I’m in the right way on my recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. An year ago I started self therapy, it has changed my life so much! I can notice most of these things that you related to self love as being part of my healthy self.

[@justamama5167]

Will you please share some details about how you are doing your self therapy. Can't afford therapy and I am in bad need for it. Currently I am going through a divorce with a personality disorder man. Thank you.

[@PookaFey11]

Thank you, Mr. Vaknin.

[@gracetrindade6335]

Looking back I see that after all life works exactly for our own good.You nail that in my case.Thanks Sam....

[@acasyd]

Thankyou, Professor Vaknin, for sharing your wise words. Excited to practice being the hugged and the hugger 😊

[@somethingsomething2541]

Part 1 Be aware of yourself in every way you can be, basically be honest with yourself, dont distance yourself from yourself, and just like how if aomeone opened upto u, u would be compassionate, try to be compassionate yo yourself too.

[@millicentfullwood2733]

Thank so much Prof Sam…this has been a mind blowing and extremely helpful detailed teaching and very grateful for sharing with us such valuable professional knowledge and guidance!!!🙏❤️🥰

[@Ganaremoslosbuenos]

You just put me in the way of truly healing. Thank you profesor Sam.

[@marlenr8691]

Thank you, Sam! Very useful 🙏🏻

[@Starlightndust]

Yes, i used loveyself only if i achieved or worked for something. I used to be a "human doing" and not a "human being". Now I'm learning Self Love is unconditional.

[@jeannew4957]

Hi Dr. I work as a therapist in a male prison with the severely mentally ill. Im constantly blocking to keep from being compromised plus I'm constantly scrutinized and threatened. In this, I lost myself and almost my core self to survive this toxic environment. Im fighting to get that back. Your videos are helping me get back to myself. I know I need to leave this environment. Do you do consultations? Thank you.

[@candacesmith4832]

Thank you!! This really helped me.

[@juliannawood4088]

This is absolutely fantastic!! Thanks Sam, I really needed to hear this.. I've saved it to listen to again and to share with others..💖👌

[@inpursuitofhappiness9441]

Thank you for this! Your most impactful lecture/teaching yet. I've shared this video widely and I come back to it a lot. These four pillars of self love have become part of my daily Intent and Goal State statement/mantra. Thank you! :-)

[@keeganmcintosh7353]

Thank you Sam

[@snezanajuricevic1000]

Most important lessons and video for helty and fruitful life, thank you Dr. Vaknin, so much, God bless you 🙏 ❤❤❤❤

[@cveta4]

Fantastic explanations. Finaly a solid definition

[@leahboynton1280]

This should be taught in every school in the world

[@elmtree33]

Should be a required parenting class

[@leahboynton1280]

elmtree33 Yes!!! Both

[@SKW-12]

Thank you, Professor. Of all your videos I've listened to so far, this is my favorite.

[@user-vi3sz3fg2r]

Sam, you are the best. Thank you.

[@geraldinecurry755]

Thank you so much for this informative video. Holding the mirror up to yourself. Oh theres a big one. And then accepting what you are. This is such important work. God bless sam. 🤗

[@redsunflower5328]

this is excellent. very much what I'm learning on my current path. Thank you so much. I will listen to this several times. I see how living with a critical mom has kept me from trusting my self and being what I've called "other-ated"..... something I dearly want to move on from.

[@emcee3209]

Excellent content, thanks Sam. Deeply profound. Please post more like this.

[@clarabel868]

Thank you Sam. That was very deep and moving and it is something I may need to listen to on a regular basis. Really gets to the core of everything.

[@nasheeheed4756]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge. This information is so powerful and touched my core.

[@serendipityjayne6162]

Thank you Sam. This video has helped me so much. I will be putting your advice into action. And look forward to the healthy changes.

[@Julie-md3og]

The true self, not so much a rock but a hollow bamboo that allows consciousness to flow through when the work is done

[@dutchblackgirl6247]

this video is a bonus ~~ thank u for expaining! Dear Sam Vaknin Tank u !

[@kimalexander8276]

Thank You Sam.

[@candycamus]

Thanks Sam. Great timing much appreciated.

[@dutchblackgirl6247]

Dear Sam Vaknin, Tank u for the audio!

[@lucillegrant8522]

This is so sooo good! Thank you Dr. Vaknin! 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@KN-os1pv]

Wow, I'm impressed!

[@jcarlson204]

Thank you! This jolted me awake from a corona virus hypnotic state. So much time to do unfavorable things during this lock down.

[@caupainregina9948]

Very informative. Thank you so much!

[@cymatiste]

How did you learn self love, Sam? would love to hear about your personal journey with this.

[@fredmad4988]

Do simple productive things you like,example jogging,losing weight,playing music,painting,gardening, cooking ,be creative and you will feel the satisfaction of it.

[@thusharividanagamachchi9779]

A brilliant lecture from Prof. So many people walking on this earth, not knowing how to love themselves. Your work is amazing and I give you so much honour and thanks for the work that you do. Stay blessed 🙏

[@lizameila7090]

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 thank you!

[@kristyiivaudais8490]

I have a question about core identity. Can you break that down more please? What if someone gets to their core but realizes it is not something they want to embrace? or How do you identify your core identity? I understand personality, character, relationships, experiences and life circumstances but what if a person finds that they have no identity? How can we figure that out now or build it now as adults? Is that the re-parenting? Is this possible at 40 years of age? Thank you

[@liuba8477]

Thank You for this excellent lecture!

[@mariobrandsma9830]

Wish i could ( as a codep) could send This video to my friend , who is borderline , but the became angry me getting prof help . The video about borderline woman on mrt 17th i want to send but every day i stop my self to do it . Sam you HELPED me a lot ! Thanks

[@ybellemoine500]

I can't thank you enough!!! I needed this🙏🙏🙏🙏. I appreciate you more than you KNOW💕

[@Umbear]

So good! Thanks for sharing your intelligence!

[@katjahleb2163]

Prof. Vaknin, the most useful and sensemaking description of self love I have ever come across. (I read a lot on the subject for 35 ys.) How can I cite this? Is there anything similar (by you) in writing? Thank you very much.

[@sherryjaouad4656]

Katja Hleb If you have to prove this to someone you are already answering your question. I’ve been there and understand .

[@samvaknin]

You must refer to the video. There is no full text anywhere, except for a brief summary on my new Instagram instagram.com/narcissismwithvaknin

[@katjahleb2163]

@@samvaknin Thank you Prof. Vaknin.

[@sugarsnap1000]

@@samvaknin I think, if you haven’t already, transcribe and elaborate on the pillars and sell as a little book, I would buy and keep in my handbag

[@gabrielabarsan5168]

Amazing! Very welcome and very well explained! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@anasanabria3192]

Amazing words! Thank you! Gracias!

[@adrianataffuri8507]

Bravo Sam!! When i learned self love everything changed!!

[@janejeffery2615]

very helpful !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!thank you amazed at the non stop brilliance and dedication to your work thank you for the very awesome literacy which helps me unpack these complicated topics and I resonate with so much of it thank you again

[@Aditya-cs2jn]

Thank you for the video sir

[@SD-kp6fj]

Amazing thank you Professor Vaknin

[@ivybagatsing5461]

Damn Sam! 😲 You just blew my mind with this.👏👏👏 Bravo! Genius!!! 💯 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Bless you.. 🤓🙏

[@sunnysmile4642]

Thank you Sam!!

[@barbarachappuis5262]

Superb, what a gift and what a lifetime challenge!

[@儿童音乐-j7i]

Thank you, this is life changing advice. God bless you.

[@izzyg5594]

Thank you for making this video! I took notes while listening and I'm excited to memorize them. Will you be making more videos about recovering from this genre of abuse? There seems to be more literature on Narcissism itself than on recovery from its experience.