7 Biggest Turnoffs for Men

[@Irishangel831]

Met my future hubby on the phone, before cell phones and before cordless phones. We spent 3 hours on the phone and he did ask for my number. I gave it to him but never expected him to use it .. Why?? because within 10 minutes of us beginning our convo, I told him I had Cerebral Palsy.. I could walk, but walked with a limp, was extremely weak on one side as well as nearly blind in one eye, my left hand "hung" at the wrist, and I was unable to drive. I hoped he would call but didn't expect it because I could tell he was extremely intelligent. I'll stop here but He did call and we celebrated 39 yrs in 2022

[@Kattykat63]

I love this!❤❤❤

[@Irishangel831]

We celebrate 40 years the 17th. I consider myself pretty lucky myself. I cannot drive.. he has done ALL the driving...dr appts, kids' school activities, grocery store etc. We have 6 (now grown) daughters

[@sc5394]

Very happy for you both

[@Sue-rp6dq]

Beautiful ❤

[@deec411]

Beautiful love story. so happy for you. God Bless 🙏🏻

[@brendah4773]

You’re right, when men don’t show curiosity or engage conversation, it’s a turn off

[@meganpittman0615]

Ladies, you can be high value and date one person at a time to allow yourself the time to focus and vet that person. To assume you have a higher “perceived” value because you date multiple people is absolute cringe. As a matter of fact, from the other side of the fence, I know a large group of women who wouldn’t even consider a man who was openly dating multiple women at a time.

[@Texasgirl10Growing]

I disagree, but everyone does what works for them.

[@karenfox7987]

Not all women are young and dating. I am 69 yrs old. My pic is from last year (2023). Also, not all women have a divorce in their background. My husband passed away in May of 2022. It would be beneficial for Love Strategies to do a video for widows/widowers. If you have a video about this, please advise where I can find it. Thank you. ☺️ 🦊

[@leslieroyce6751]

I actually was a love strategies client in 2021 as a widow and found the program to be very useful in getting back into dating.

[@mollygrace3068]

I’m also not attracted to promiscuity. I have only ever had sex with my ex husband, and he had only ever had sex twice before me (one time with two different women, years apart). The idea of being with a man who’s been with dozens of women is kinda gross to me.

[@barbc7698]

Not to mention unhealthy…could even be deadly

[@RoyalPurpleStar]

Great advice about not giving unearned affection. Many women often make that mistake. My girlfriends do that all the time, again and again with different men. I know for a fact that it stems from desperation and low self-esteem from watching my girlfriends, no matter how many times they keep getting burned.

[@sues.3527]

Can you please do a video on how to turn it around if you've already jumped ahead in a relationship? Thank you, loved this!

[@lebechiamara2823]

Please, emphasize on this

[@shannonburke7832]

I learned all of this the hard way by 50 but best lesson I have ever learned! I'm happy to know you guys are doing these videos! It also helps to validate I too am on the right path!

[@SS-in1ts]

It takes time to get to know someone, he can put in time to learn that I’m not just “vanilla”. I don’t have to open up right away. Ladies, take your time, no rush- eventually the man will get to know you and see your quirks. We don’t have to get on stage for anyone if we aren’t comfortable doing so and it doesn’t mean you’re not confident- it means you’re not comfortable or ready because HE hasn’t put in the time or maybe he’s showing red flags that makes you feel this way.

[@barbc7698]

Playin’ pool is a great first date. Easier to flirt with the guy, way better than sitting across a table,,interview style.

[@jolenelutyck1422]

This was a really well done interview episode. I’d enjoy seeing do more topics this way.

[@yiztheskiblu]

Honestly, "high value" men don't walk around calling themselves "high value" 😂

[@jackf2501]

I’m sure a lot do tbh

[@rosehiver6262]

No but you can read it on their forehead. 😂 It’s that easy !

[@annzo23]

People who cannot talk without saying like, like, like is a big turn off

[@TheAttractionTriggers]

*Perhaps we are in this world to search for love, find it and lose it, again and again. With each love, we are born anew, and with each love that ends, we collect a new wound. I am covered with proud scars.*

[@SS-in1ts]

What?? Stay classy? I would get a burger😂 I didn’t know that was a bad thing on a date.

[@annmariebudyn]

😂😂😂

[@hjohnson8114]

I always have guys ask me why I'm still single. What is a good response to that? Like they want me to air my deepest secrets on the first discussion... No way. I tend to not answer and ask them the same question..

[@cheekymonkeygirl3378]

Just tell him that prince charming has not arrived yet! 🐭

[@catherinebowen399]

Because a man is competing for the peace I have when I’m alone and I haven’t found one worthy yet 👑

[@RoyalPurpleStar]

That is so weird that guys ask you that.

[@msmartyaz]

I tell them I'm picky.

[@hollyyoung2850]

Tell them you enjoy your life the way it is and you are looking for someone to add value🤷‍♀️

[@KateDana]

¡Wepajé! LOVE the comment at 32:35 about backpacking around Colombia 🇨🇴 Your podcast is maravilloso! Gracias, thanks for all you do.

[@cahawkins1]

I so enjoy listening!! Keep doing what you

[@debbiefarrar7356]

Healing from toxic marriage & relationships. Being on my own to heal now. Hoping one day to finding love in the future as l didn’t know what toxic was until it was pointed out to me. Looking back having a toxic mother has lead me to a path of toxic relationships as l didn’t know any different. Now l know most of the warning signs now

[@heathersohappy2833]

I think that owning and embracing my "ordinary"-nees is pretty extraordinary

[@genieyess1720]

There is nothing wrong with telling a man you don‘t like certain activities. That’s how you draw your boundaries. Plus you‘ll discover that you‘re not a match. Way better than adhering to his choices! This isn‘t „changing him“ This is „NOT CHANGING YOURSELF for HIS sake“.

[@mollygrace3068]

I agree if he says he wants to go skydiving and you’re afraid of heights, or he wants to take you to a sex dungeon. If he just wants to take you somewhere you wouldn’t normally choose yourself, you can be flexible.

[@Karina-er7mx]

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it, but u need to put yourself out at times, it's a give and take. "I don't like that but ll give it a go..for you...i want to see what you've got to give." That's the mentality for a successful relationship

[@SirenaSpades]

Billiards is not for ladies.

[@the1humansolution]

You may be missing the point.They aren't suggesting we go along with ANY activity. They used the date activity as an example of an opportunity to be open to his energy and allowing him to lead while observing and being present with him to determine if it's a good match.

[@perlitalaguna6622]

We have a Billiards/Bar here in our town. Its not my thing/environment. I don't know how to play. And the night I went, the music was 90's and early 2000's R&B/hip-hop. I'm a goth woman. So I absolutely hate the music. Mary J. blige, Mariah Carey, Ja Rule...theirvmusiv makes me throw up. But I went with a date and it was fun. He took every chance to slide in behind me. Lol. Cute guy. Country guy who love country music. Southern accent with a beard. We had a great time. So just say yes

[@deec411]

Having a strategy to me equals maintaining your standards. be a high value woman and expect him to value you!!

[@cindyhoyt5909]

❤ Great video guys! Thank you and Merry Christmas!!!

[@TeamNoSafeWord]

Stay classy? And get the salad? When u honestly want something else... thats being fake. If it works out, hes gonna learn ur real eating habits. Lol. What a load of bollocks advice 😂

[@nickyleasure5507]

Literally took ten minutes of rambling to get to the first point

[@heidikruse1977]

Most difficult thing for women who are single moms with a bad ex....not complaining about dating. Solid point. It's not easy when life has been so challenging, and you're totally lost in Motherhood and just making everything happen. Your identity has been stuffed down in your tasks, and the default can easily become talking about those things. It's not that those things aren't valid, but you can't lead with the hard. Talking from my own life, btw! I caught myself only having that to talk about to my friends, and I realized, "Hey, they don't need to hear only this." I am more than this even if it's hard to remember who the heck I am outside of these things.

[@lisajensencozzolino2268]

wow, I have loved and assimilated so much of the wisdom that you give out. However, implying that it is somehow not “ classy “, which isn’t really a thing , to eat a burger has really turned my head.

[@cheekymonkeygirl3378]

Eat food that is not messy on the first date! Like bite-size pieces and always check the restaurant’ menu beforehand! Don't impress him with your odour; wear your signature perfume! Always have a bowel movement so you are not gassy to stay classy! 😼

[@tbun4638]

You kept saying "high value" with the implication that only guys worth dating are those with the highest profession making 6 figures a year and anything less isn't worth a woman's time of day. I am in love with a man who works as a shift manager at Arby's and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I make twice the money he does and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I am not a feminist but I believe that a woman staking their financial life on a man is crazy in this day and age. I am 45 years old and grew up poor to the point we were homeless in a lot of cases so I can't fathom relying on a man to take care of my needs financially. I do however like that you touched base about the physical attraction thing. I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months and I was feeling like he wasn't remotely physically attracted to me because we hadn't been intimate, but we recently did get intimate and talked about it too, but I found out it was for different reason that had nothing to do with me. It made sense when we had that discussion. I've always had self-esteem issues which did bring out promiscuity in me, but I wasn't dating other guys when he and I started dating, I can't bring myself to date more than 1 guy even when we haven't discussed exclusivity only because that would be mentally exhausting for me and I want to invest my time into 1 guy. He (bf) mentioned how many people he had been with before he was in his first long term relationship and I did say I won't talk about body count to which he said he won't ask and really doesn't care. One of the things he did say is he wanted a mental connection with me before having the physical connection, sex isn't important but a great bonus to a relationship.

[@mollygrace3068]

What’s considered high-value will vary, depending on where the woman is in her life. Like I know I’m *supposed* to say income doesn’t matter to me at all, and I’ll date any man who’s nice to me, but no. I’m 40, and I have a career. I know how many life choices go into where you end up at 40. It’s not even about the money to me, it’s your track record. I need a man who has a stable work history and isn’t going to be an unexpected financial burden to me. But also these guys have made it very clear that they are mostly talking about character.

[@judyperri9496]

I absolutely hate that expression It sends the wrong message I’m a blue collar girl that worked in healthcare all her life and as long as you have a job and can support yourself it’s fine with me I dated a physician and let me tell you, what a loser There was not enough money in the world to make that one work

[@cazola247]

Maybe I'm weird, but when he said "high value", it didn't occur to me that he was talking about "high net worth". I was thinking it meant a man with high standards and values, a man who was worth building a relationship with because of his character - not because of his wallet or his fancy car.

[@the1humansolution]

I like Dr. Gary Lewandowski a lot here, valuable insight for anyone dating.

[@msmartyaz]

We like to be called "ladies".

[@randiwin6034]

I would love to be asked to go play pool.

[@loriolson1143]

If the man is right for you these things do not matter

[@daniellebanerjee8668]

Thank you. You made some really good points guys, but I must say choosing the salad over the burger to remain classy probably was the funniest part and most likely will turn off lots of women . But the other stuff, that was real helpful.

[@siobhanroberts8627]

Strategy? I havent been on a date in 6 years, by choice, and my last relationship was 10 years ago. I have no clues about dating anymore. Im 60 and this just sounds overwhelming.

[@jacksg1809]

I'm in the same boat ...got a younger man flirting with me ...don't know how to handle this

[@janicegreenberg3543]

Are there signs of when to get intimate? With my last, we waited 2+ months. We had 9 months that were great. Then he got called away to complete a work contract (he's supposed to be return in 6 months). I spoke with him the first 4 days he was gone and haven't heard from him since. (kept texting the same. No replies)

[@gabbysch2625]

New city; new girl. We are interchangeable to most men.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

That’s the problem with not being married/engaged if stuff shifts in the relationship. Having sex does not equal commitment.

[@angelinpdx2297]

Yes! Be interesting … and interested. ✨✨✨✨

[@JaymeFunny]

What kind of affection? "Unearned affection"? Like hugs? Touch on the arm?

[@Shambo44]

If you have turned someone off, is it possible to turn them on again?

[@cheryledwards7563]

I would like to ask about something very confusing to me. We are told to set boundaries and present ourselves as high value. If you have met online and are in diff areas and going to meetup soon to spend time in an area together, have talked on the phone and Facetime and gotten to know one another and share many interests, is it ok for the man to say he will call and not, several times? Is it OK for them to say they are doing something and then ghost for a week and then dismiss it as they had something to do? I did not think so and I told the person it was disrespectful. They immediately came up with excuses of trouble with their trailer, or visiting family or getting ready for a bike ride....all that would never prevent them from saying....Can't call, not going there, not doing this..... I told them I am prioritizing relationships in my life right now and basically, count on what someone tells me once I get to know them, as that is how I treat the person. After listening to your podcast here, I am confused it that was right or what? But basically, I was feeling as you have said before, NEXT....

[@sassykat2000]

Watch for me to do as they say they're going to. That does not mean that if it happens, they say they'll call and don't, it is auto-next. However, they should be the one to communicate first and be upfront with an apology and the reason for the failure to follow his words. A BS explanation or a repeat is auto-next immediately. And ghosting? You talked to him after that? I don't see why at all. He has zero respect or value for the opportunity given to him to get to know you. Take it away so it's available for the man who appreciates it and You.

[@monicacollins8289]

He's not prioritizing you. Out of sight, out if mind. Stop wasting your time and look for someone in your area. Join a club, take a class, attend local events, volunteer, or whatever. But get out there.❤️

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

I dont love to travel.

[@lisatrengove-jones1110]

this was the most boring interview of all time 😂😂😂

[@lorrainec3673]

I was in the corporate world when I was single and I found many men trying to demean what I did lol. I was a Manager at a hospital and this guy I was dating that I actually knew from school kept saying how he loved being with a "sexy secretary." lol -While I didn't want to burst the "fantasy" bubble...I did need to course-correct, not control. We can make corrections as we go along. Yes, I agree, changing date plans like is rude. I'd be suspicious if some guy told me "by the way, we're going out with a bunch of my friends instead of having dinner..." I would say, "no thanks, you go do you. Maybe some other time.." If the plans were left to me, or we were trying to discuss, I'll have a plan, per se' to avoid that volley -what do you want to do? I don't know...what do you want to do? But not change his plan... Now, I'm divorced with part-time work and young children, I see men trying to tell me "oh, you're too busy..." The lack of communication or the assumptions are ridiculous. Yes, I AM "hard to get" & I had been in connection with a man of very high status who wants "superficial" connections while I want to grow a relationship into something once we connect. While he tries to return and I keep turning him down. While I really do like him, being we want different things, I don't want to put myself into a position to get hurt. I was hurt, imagine if I was intimate with him? He messaged me the other day and we only ended up having it out again. smh! I admit, I had been called out on not reaching out for daily texts but when I'm with someone, he has my undivided attention. I just don't "chase" anyone lol but I must figure out this balance. Still working on it. Yes, learn as we go. Re: perceived promiscuity: I am very creative and had modeled, was in a band, etc.. But, I respect myself and my body and during those times, I was with someone, so I respect my partner. So, if the guy looks at me and makes a snap judgment or finds me out performing & thinks I'm just going to jump into bed with him, or if he has "ideas" about me, guess what? He's NOT my guy!!! I agree, let your Unicorn shine!! lol I agree about the app/date complaining thing: refuse to talk about online dating or talk negatively. I just say that I like it b/c I meet people I would have never met. On the contrary, it's the guys I match with only want to talk about this and I back off... Yes, complaining, staring at you phone and talking about Exes....and yes, misery, do not belong on your date....

[@fashionspy96]

The "promiscuity" thing is SO frustrating... i mean don't go around sleeping with everyone in the same friend group BUT.. 1) what happened with ENJOYING yourself? and 2) hello.. PRACTICE?! People aren't born knowing, there's a process to everything. Not to say that men expect women to be top tier prnstars BUT there IS a narrative around displaying confidence in the bedroom, which.... if the last time you saw a dk was 3 years ago because "you don't want to be perceived as "promiscuous"", how are you supposed to magically download the knowledge from the matrix and be able to handle yourself in a way that's enjoyable for both you and your partner? The double standard kills me

[@TianieMitchell]

I was just going to say that part of the dating process is the fun to get to know each other not aim to grab each other and throw each other in bed. It's to get to know if you're a good fit for each other an attraction if you can do things together how you know interact with yourselves and other people

[@lindseywarner3682]

I'm turned off by the amount of "likes" this man says in this interview! This man plays so arrogant and there is so much shovanism between these two boys😅!

[@elainefisher747]

If someone says they are vegan, it’s a quick goodbye

[@JacquelineDarby]

Because they care about animal.welfare?.

[@jimfromearth]

The guy should ask the woman where she liked to go Why should you suggest to a lady to go play pool anyway ? Doesn’t make sense. So ask the lady. wHERE she’d like to go out 🙏

[@MaryMolina-d6r]

My 5 by 5 lifts would definitely like a burger over a salad ☝️😊

[@the_radiant_patriot]

I wish I had found this video 2 weeks ago 😔 oh well.

[@judycole566]

What if you say that you want to talk about things like what made him say that he didn't want to see you anymore and he says that he doesn't want to talk about it at anytime and he says just talk about the good times

[@Brightsupernova]

Pretend you’re going to your kid’s “bring your parent to school” day, and like, “Yeah, so I’m Ethan’s dad, and I help women to, how do I say it… avoid doing things that are turnoffs to men.” Yes, Little Johnny? What’s a turnoff? Is there also a turnon? Is it like a button? Oh boy. 😂

[@JanetBirdFuller]

Please stop calling women girls. That says a lot of how you regard women. Surprised that an academic would address women in that manner.

[@judyperri9496]

Thank you I hate that so much , and yet still they do it , over and over again

[@anneiconex1473]

❤@janetbirdfuller I love it. I call myself a girl, l call my girlfriends girls. I call other women at work girls. I walked up to the Info Desk at the airport yesterday and said “Hi girls, where are the restrooms?” They said “This way, and thanks for saying Hi Girls!” with 2 big smiles 😊. There’s a time for saying ladies, in a more formal conversation, but all of us love youth and youthful references, esp the older you get. @judyperri9496

[@thealethiaco]

Or it’s been 7 years and your still in the “dating” phase lol 😂

[@jimfromearth]

Hi why are there two guys talking about these topics ? 🙏

[@willawilliek.8630]

Hope you read comments here: What about a man who claims to no longer being emotionally connected to someone he has not broken up with in his relationship, am I wrong not giving him a chance?

[@hjohnson8114]

He's just retrieving benefits while waiting to find ms right. I think you are right-on in saying bye-bye...

[@mollygrace3068]

Give a chance to someone already in a relationship? So you’re asking if you should be a side chick? Girl…

[@katf4028]

If he wants his fries🍟 on the side, send him to Burger 🍔King! 😂 Not that desperate or stupid.

[@aquamarine0303]

I thought I was guilty of doing number 2 but no, I was confident. He just was afraid of a relationship after he showed that he was crazy about me. But I will hold back next time because I really got my heart broken!

[@TianieMitchell]

No man

[@aylex1974]

He can go to h. He has his gf he LOVES her she can deal with that. I respect him his decision

[@MelodyCzopkiewicz]

What is a good strategy for long distance relationships

[@Delulu1989]

Adam why you have another guy to talk about relationship advice? It's unnecessary 😒

[@runyararomtandi2237]

Actualy makes videos longer n boring

[@vickykrupar4207]

😅😅😊😅😮😅😅😊

[@anneiconex1473]

If he likes BIDEN…get off my porch. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@jeskeepinitreal]

Seriously you are clearly drunk dude.

[@chrissyparks2000]

This guy who wants to get together for coffee is so out of my league. I’ve got 2 years of college and he went to Harvard! He travels the world for work. But for some reason he wants to get together for coffee. How can I handle the intimidation. I mean duh!

[@thamenevans6417]

As a woman with doctorate: Your Emotional Intelligence is very important, so being Fun person with high character is attractive, This puts you in his “league”! Not competing with your credentials….

[@angelinpdx2297]

Amazing advice as always! 🩷 Can you do a video on how you each met your spouses? Knowing what to say to transition from the Romance stage to the Power Struggle stage to the secure love stage. Many men don’t know how to do this. I’m in the Power Struggle stage, but my boyfriend is avoidant. Should I move on. Should I stay invested. Time will tell. We’ve been dating for 3.5 yrs. But I’m his first girlfriend after his divorce.