Magic Question - What are the WORST Magician Jokes?

[@MagicMan8787]

Best spectator comeback " how'd you do that?" Magician: "if I tell you I have to kill you".... spectator: : then just tell my wife"

[@magicorthodoxy]

ouch !!!

[@jakemccordmagic]

Houdini was a stage magician that used traps doors in his magic act. Unfortunately, he was only going through a stage.

[@magicorthodoxy]

:D

[@galaxycaptain672]

After all these Jokes can you PLEASE do a review on some GOOD magician jokes so I can replace the ones I still use? Thanks David

[@magicorthodoxy]

or maybe you could write the next BEST joke

[@codeartisan]

"Make your mind go blank... That was quick" The tag to the hand joke "No the clean one..." (spectator switches hands) "Oh, my mistake"

[@magicorthodoxy]

wamp wamp wamp waaaaa

[@rogerreeves7969]

Watch my fingers and make sure they never leave my hands. Roger Reeves Worst Joke not mention.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@MichaelLawrenceMagic]

That's funny.

[@randycape8706]

Love it...thanks for sharing!

[@craigchadburn4298]

Now here's the trick you've all been waiting for... My last one !

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@i-sarank8505]

Penn and Teller are like a married couple. One gets to speak 😂

[@magicorthodoxy]

i've never heard that one

[@htmagic]

'I learned that from a old Chinese Magician, Foo Ling Yu!' 😂

[@magicorthodoxy]

WOW! can't say that one anymore

[@stevenmurdoch4783]

Is that fair? Good, I wouldn't want you to say I'm cheating. I will be cheating... I just don't want you to say it!

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@jamesedwards5702]

Magician shows one sleeve at a time: "Nothing here! Nothing here!" Then points to spectators head: "Nothing here!"

[@magicorthodoxy]

Lol

[@greggscott4319]

"Folks, the tricks gets better... but the jokes get worse!" or "Take your time, I get paid by the hour!" TBH, I love the corny jokes. Most ppl have never seen magic live and most ppl can't remember a dumb joke they've heard before.

[@magicorthodoxy]

"Take your time, I get paid by the hour!" that's another one he said !!!

[@cramermagic]

How is a magician not like a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4!

[@magicorthodoxy]

Yep

[@KevD_]

I performed some Rubik's cube tricks for my friends little boy. He was impressed. He said to me, "How did you do that?" I said, "Can you keep a secret?" He said, "No." So, I said, "Well, I am not telling you then."

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@tomcooper4841]

I was thinking of when they shuffle the invisible deck and you say "best to take the cards out of the box first!"

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol - yup !!!

[@lewisturner6865]

And….oh, you dropped a card

[@stevenmurdoch4783]

"Have you ever helped a magician... well you sure aren't now."

[@magicorthodoxy]

YES! the magician I saw SAID THAT ONE ALSO !!!

[@stormyweather9917]

"You want me to do it again? What are you trying to do, steal my act?"

[@magicorthodoxy]

Lol

[@LaurenceHudierez]

I also got “can you make my wife disappear or gf” and I said “I’m a magician not a miracle worker

[@magicorthodoxy]

🤣🤣🤣

[@dmontes133]

Most, if not all magician’s jokes are bad, old, or bad and old.

[@magicorthodoxy]

yup

[@SeanDevine]

When performing invisible deck, and you hand them the imaginary cards and ask them to shuffle. "No, you have to take them out of the box first!". PLEEAAASSE stop using this, guys.

[@magicorthodoxy]

yep

[@Trevorious2010]

A Magician's favorite pickup line: For my next trick, I need a condom and a volunteer!

[@magicorthodoxy]

yuck

[@mactrigun1]

They call me Mac-N-Cheese, because my name is Mac, and I'm cheezy. 😁🤓

[@magicorthodoxy]

yikes

[@salbarajas]

Spectator: Can you do that again? Magic Dealer: Once for Show Twice for Dough.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@edward2785]

After having a card signed you say "I'll take the pen, that's how I got it". Woops, I see someone already used that one. OK, when doing strolling magic, how about, " I'm the wandering magician, and I just wandered if you'd like to see a trick."

[@magicorthodoxy]

ha ha

[@Rhewin]

On the mentalism side, “we’ve never met before, right? You sure seem happy about that.” It works if your name is Richard Osterlind or Banachek, otherwise just don’t.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@Dave062YT]

Here in Great Britain all forms of having fun[ and sporting events] have been canceled but I'll be sure to drop back after the funeral

[@magicorthodoxy]

all forms of having fun?

[@Dave062YT]

@@magicorthodoxy Yeah even Rugby !

[@Dave062YT]

The Great Norht Run [ half marathon] was allowed to go ahead because everyone knows running is no fun.

[@jhutsebaut]

Audience member: Tell me how you did that! Magician: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Audience member: Tell my wife! 😃

[@magicorthodoxy]

wamp wamp waaaaa

[@philmiller99]

When you hand a spectator the deck to shuffle...after they start shuffling, tell them "Now if you could just put the deck back in the original order that would be great."

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@stormyweather9917]

Magician performs a trick. Guy: Hey, how did you do that??? Magician: I could TELL you sir, but then I would have to kill you! {short pause} Guy: Okay. Then just TELL my wife!

[@lewisturner6865]

Now, be honest …. Have we ever met before? Then how do you know it’s me? Can you tell one card from the other? What’s the other? (When a spectator joins you on stage) Can you please stand a little closer to the floor? Where are you from? (Spectator announces location) I’m sorry (Spectator repeats location( No, I heard you the first time, I’m just sorry (Spectator on stage and is in agreement with your question / statement) Cup your hand, as if you’re holding a cube of sugar and lift towards spectator’s mouth, while saying good answer or that-a-boy Just to be sure I can’t see, I will turn my back Yes, I’m aware that’s how Lincoln got it Ask spectator where they’re from (If they say the same community or city where you’re performing) Whew … you must be exhausted (Spectator selects a card) Show them the face of card and ask them to remember it and it they see any strand markings. Turn the card around, so that they are looking at the back of the card and ask if they see any strange markings on that side (You’d be surprised how many spectators are amazed when you announce the name of their card. The audience is in on the joke but not the spectator)

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@MyTardisGoWhoosh]

Tbh some of these are actually pretty good

[@magicorthodoxy]

🤣🤣🤣

[@MyTardisGoWhoosh]

@@magicorthodoxy 😅😅

[@Fast_Eddy_Magic]

In the '70s, we used to say, "Hold out your hand...no the clean one...oh that was the clean one" and when you borrow a ring "Oh look, there's a space for a stone and everything!" Luckily I've never said these, but I have said "Now I'll make a magical pass...Hi there." a few times, changing it to "How YOU doin'?" after "Friends" came out.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@MusMoroglu]

Magician: “Say the Magic word” Volunteer: “Abracadabra” Magician: “No, just say the word ‘Magic’”

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@schwartzmagie9315]

But we must not forget that we perform for lay people, not for magicians - and most of these corny lines just deliver great reactions, the lay people don't know them and they enjoy them

[@magicorthodoxy]

very true ...

[@roncalhoun2749]

How do I do it. With a lot of practice and a high degree of skill. Ron Calhoun

[@magicorthodoxy]

"...very very well"

[@LaurenceHudierez]

So I have one and filmed it 😂 so it’s with double cross when I dropped the X in there hand and I said “did you feel that?” No? Funny that’s my gf said anyways!”

[@magicorthodoxy]

nice

[@KarstenJohansson]

From my local magic shop: life's been tough. I was born at an early age.

[@magicorthodoxy]

ah, I see what you did there

[@SoCalDan530]

spectator states "I know how you did that". the performer looks at the spectator and states "Great! let's not tell anyone"

[@magicorthodoxy]

yup

[@presto709]

After the spectator signs a card I've heard magicians gesture for the pen and say "that's how I got it". I didn't understand the joke until I realized that the guy was repeating an old line without understanding it himself. The idea is supposed to be that you caught the spectator trying to steal your pen but you have to have the right body language and timing to convey that.

[@magicorthodoxy]

aahhh

[@john12152]

How do you get a magician off of your front porch? Just pay for your pizza...

[@magicorthodoxy]

ive heard that joke but with a bass player

[@jacksonsmagic]

To a heckler.... "like to help you out sir, which way did you come in." .....or stronger, "when he was circumcised they threw away the wrong part"

[@magicorthodoxy]

yikes

[@thestreet9537]

One of the dudes I tried to carry for a while ended up on AGT and told sharron ozborne “I don’t go to McDonald’s and bother you while you are working.” Line I knicked from Gazzos book. It’s about delivery timing and context. There are kings of Hack and I salute them. When someone asks if I can make his wife disappear I answer, “no but with that attitude I’m sure some other dude is already working on it! Smilesotheylikeyou

[@magicorthodoxy]

wow

[@robh913]

My opinion on these "tired" jokes. If you are a performing magician, you've done your tricks hundreds of times. But, your audience is seeing the trick for the first time, in many cases. You have to make that trick believable to them. It's the same with the one liners you all are complaining about. While magicians have heard them over and over, your audience hasn't. Even if you are copying a line from a famous magician, if you don't sell it, they won't laugh. "Have you ever helped a magician... well you sure aren't now." - I haven't used that one... yet, but I probably will now. It made me laugh. The audience I tell it to hasn't heard it. Many magicians have no sense of comic timing and it shows when they try to deliver lines (I've been a professional improv comic for 20 years). You have to have proper timing and the ability to sell the line AND the trick. So, if you can't sell the line, don't use it. If you are gifted as a comedy writer, by all means, write your own material. Personally, I'd rather concentrate on practicing my tricks for my show than memorizing lines.

[@magicorthodoxy]

truth

[@DJRosen]

I got a call out :)

[@magicorthodoxy]

yup

[@magicmedianews6594]

At 4:52, did you say stupid as*hole? Lol best joke name yet if so. If not , sorry Stu.

[@magicorthodoxy]

I didnt even notice that ... his name is Stu

[@Wizard_43]

I went back and herd it 😂

[@presto709]

Many of these lines have their place. For me, the problem is when magicians want to fill every pause with a line.

[@magicorthodoxy]

agreed

[@jhutsebaut]

I once pulled an entire truck tire out of this top hat! That was a Good Year... I used to work with a dove but he died of the flu. He flu into my ceiling fan... These are Bicycle brand cards. I got them from a peddler... 😅

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@kardtable]

The magician flicks the selection out of the deck and fails to catch it. (and the card drops on floor face down) He turns to the spectator and says now for those of you that missed it, like I did the first time around...I'm going to do it again.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@michaelprincipato9980]

At a kids birthday you bring up a 9 year old and you say "Are you married". Hahaha This was fun. I try to not say them but for some reason one might pop out of my mouth during a show and think to myself what an....that was not funny. Loving the membership section.

[@magicorthodoxy]

Exactly!!

[@d1g1m1]

Excellent..! 😂

[@magicorthodoxy]

Thanks 😅

[@CharlesAyrtonBlakeCobb]

why did i thought of pigcake 🤣

[@magicorthodoxy]

I dont know

[@markditullio4575]

If you ever find yourself using one of these (I know I have), just apologize by saying, “I’ll show myself out…”

[@magicorthodoxy]

YUP !!!!

[@tilkka_]

Allready liking it. Just from title.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@tilkka_]

@@magicorthodoxy "That's what you get with ××× years without a girlfriend." From Jason Maher. 😏

[@westonding8953]

I need to come up with some of my own jokes and gags! 😀

[@magicorthodoxy]

we all do !!!

[@jhutsebaut]

If the jokes are bad enough the audience will supply the gags... 😁

[@RobertBallMagician]

OMG l have heard many of these. Thank you for sharing David. 😂😂😂😂😂👍🤜🤛🙂🙂

[@magicorthodoxy]

No problem 👍

[@gonzalochoque5660]

Now the best ones 😁

[@magicorthodoxy]

:D

[@jaytpmc]

I'll tell you what the most overused phrases of all time are "like so" and "just like that" I think every single magaican everywhere has said "just like that" at some point

[@magicorthodoxy]

Ooh good one

[@egonmilanowski]

I don't mind heckler lines being used if there is a heckler. The goal is to shut them down and move on with your show. And while clearly not a heckle, I also do not mind positive statements to the question, "How did you do that?" Saying, "Quite well" or, "With years of practice" provides a quick line with a degree of honesty to it and lets you move forward with your show. Saying, "I have no friends" certainly doesn't help your image, unless your character is a hapless nerd.

[@magicorthodoxy]

#truth

[@janvolleberg4829]

Some did make me laugh....

[@magicorthodoxy]

:D

[@allanrubinstein382]

Gail....that was my name when i was a?Girl

[@magicorthodoxy]

gail?

[@keithwolfe-festivalandstreet]

​@@magicorthodoxy little girl

[@zachcalametti]

Sounds like you were watching a G.W. tutorial...? He's great, and I love him, but his performances are FULL of these jokes!

[@magicorthodoxy]

??? nope ... I dont know who that is? Greg Wilson?

[@zachcalametti]

@@magicorthodoxy yeah, it seemed like you didn't want to call the guy out, but I've got a lot of his tutorials, and I thought for sure you were watching one of them... I would have bet that you had just watched his 24 Karat Fold... he's got some "zingers" in there =)

[@magicorthodoxy]

@@zachcalametti nope not him

[@nick0703]

I saw a kids magician ask the audience “what’s the magic word?” And a kid shouted “please”

[@magicorthodoxy]

thats a good line for a magician! The audience member says "Abracadabra" and you say ... "No, it's please."

[@emmanlichangco3425]

nxt review combo wallet by TCC

[@magicorthodoxy]

I dont have that one yet

[@drumman1185]

Excuse me while I pull out my deck…

[@magicorthodoxy]

YIKES !!!!

[@jackAndrews666]

I can’t believe you read my comments.

[@magicorthodoxy]

:D

[@jerryRp90x]

Lol, great stuff

[@magicorthodoxy]

:D

[@calvo_en_moto]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@magicorthodoxy]

🤣

[@paulkelly1162]

"How does it work?" Ancient Chinese secret: Chi-ting. **does dumb magic gesture** "...that's it." Every invisible deck line: "Do you see the invisible deck?" "Shuffle them for me...don't forget to take them out of the box" "This guy is actually playing along". I still get a kick out of Bill Malone's ID routine. Unfortunately there are are so many exposure videos, calling it the "invisible deck" is a dead give away. There was about three months where every 100 people, someone new the invisible deck. Then I put an "X" on the front and back of the pairs, having them all face the same way. No one is the wiser. I personally still use horrible one liners occasionally. I'm pretty self-aware about it, so I usually play it off for cringe laughs. Then you can use dumb "(e)x" jokes. It's fun to combine with doublecross.

[@magicorthodoxy]

lol

[@keithwolfe-festivalandstreet]

I hate you for this David you know how much time money and energy I spent to learn these jokes? Now I got milliniels on my pitch thinking they're funnyman. Smilesotheylikeyou