Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi read a FIERY letter exchange

Possibly one of our favourite letter exchanges ever, and at London's Freemasons' Hall back in 2016 Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi joined us to give an incredible, hilarious reading.
In 1675, the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire instructed his army to attack a fortress belonging to the Zaporozhian Cossacks. They were quickly and heavily defeated. Rather than surrender, the Sultan then wrote to the Cossacks and demanded that they submit to him. This fiery exchange was the result.

[@BBBness]

I love how Capaldi is showing amused contempt before he even starts reading and Berry is just standing there like "I don't remember seeing half of that in the script".

[@Goblinkatie]

Berry was 100% perfect with his shocked disbelief at what he was hearing. Neither undersold nor overplayed. And of course Peter was absolutely brilliant in his conveyance of the contempt and sarcasm just oozing with every word.

[@shadowreaper2011]

TBF Capaldi looks absolutely high out of his mind at 0:19

[@austenpowers]

Art that

[@Zadir1984]

This is high art, I just love this

[@WenderPottery]

Im so glad i found this lmfaooo im in tears ​@@shadowreaper2011

[@SteveOnotsky]

"You can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse" is my new favourite insult.

[@warlockofwordschannel7901]

😂😂😂😂

[@erinrising2799]

right? like I really want the occasion to arise when I might use it

[@Garanon5]

What does that even mean?!

[@SteveOnotsky]

@@Garanon5 I have no idea but it's damned funny.

[@1970Phoenix]

I would think that slaying any medium sized mammal with one's naked arse would present a significant challenge.

[@DonnaLang42rockglobally]

Who else wants to see Peter Capaldi make an appearance on "What We Do In The Shadows"? The world needs more scenes featuring Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi.

[@BlueManIan]

ME

[@RapsCalorie]

Wait Matt Barry is on that show? That might be enough to make me check it out.

[@glman99]

​@@RapsCalorie oh yeah, it's lit.

[@miahawksley1765]

If Dracula ever appears in the show, Peter Capaldi could play him!

[@yourmomsaccount69]

MEEEEEE!

[@montgoja]

In case you ever thought the comversations in Monty Python and the Holy Grail were too silly to be realistic...

[@jukeboxfandango]

the original text has be altered repeatedly over time and this is using the best parts of all of the different publications. history is rarely that funny

[@ezananigussie3311]

@@jukeboxfandangothe situation itself is funny

[@pemo2676]

@@jukeboxfandango history is just people. it's as funny as it is now, just in different situations with different language - it's as gruesome and as full of vitriol and sinew as it always has been. a lot of shakespeare isn't dissimilar to this, realistically, just less modern-translated

[@jonathannathan7299]

Well these letters are made up, so

[@jackwilliamtaylor5656]

Fun fact; my fiancée’s grandparents once had the Pythons filming something on their farm. His granny did not realise her husband had allowed this, and chased John Cleese and Michael Palin off their back step with a newspaper while they were eating sandwiches.

[@PaidInBoredom]

This just proves there needs to be a buddy comedy with Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi.

[@r.f.switch5847]

I'd be comfortable with them just reading letters like this to each other.

[@user-kc4rl6gt9t]

@@r.f.switch5847 Oh there's nothing quite like a Scotsman and and Englishman hurling insults to each other, is there!! x

[@wbertie2604]

Some sort of version of three men in a boat, with Michael Sheen as well, please.

[@Briansgate]

Dear God, please make this happen.

[@ivonahora]

And the very last line should be "you and I were... buddies, weren't we?"

[@franticranter]

"You can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse" sounds straight out of the thick of it

[@1midnightfish]

🤣 All episodes on iPlayer now

[@noeldown1952]

The opening of this letter is unmistakable - you know exactly which exchange this is going to be from the first sentence, without reading the description. Kudos to the translator too - they perfectly translated not just the words, but the spirit of both letters. And, of course, Berry and Capaldi are brilliant.

[@EwgenijBelzmann]

Unfortunately, the rhymes of the original are lost, they make it so much better imho

[@DSQueenie]

What language is it originally in?

[@ellisr.kinnear164]

Peter Capaldi is one of those actors who just seems to understand how everything should be delivered. It's insane he's routinely an unintentional scene stealer

[@raskolnikov2112]

Matt Berry had a letter only he could read with such magnitude and seriousness. Matt Berry could converse with “gods.” Capaldi was also perfect for the more vulgar. They were perfect.

[@frglee]

A Scots accent can be a magnificent thing - both for cursing and shouting, as well as for speaking eloquently and with gentility.

[@Noahloveless1]

Funny considering I only know Matt as vulgar. As my only exposure to him is in The IT Crowd.

[@RickReasonnz]

Truly brought back Malcolm Tucker for this reading!

[@kensimmons]

The best thing is that Capaldi gets to let his natural Scots accent rip instead of having to tone it down to get acting jobs from the Sassenach entertainment industry

[@jarowan]

FAAAAATHERRRRR!!!!!!!!

[@patperrier9640]

The look Peter Capaldi gives Matt Berry before letting loose.... Priceless. Capaldi was BORN to read the more profane letter.

[@plantpowered269]

Well, as being from Zaporizzhya, this letter is a part of the school curriculum with some swearing removed. But it is a special treat to hear it being read by The Doctor ))❤

[@orionterron99]

SOME swearing removed?

[@rkah6187]

​@@orionterron99Well, you cannot remove all of it, can you? There would be nothing left of the letter!

[@Isusia]

@@orionterron99 well in fact there are 4 versions of this letter with different amount of swearing. And no reliable evidence which one is correct. But most of historians are tend to think some of swearing was ADDED later during copying in next ~100 years after original (1676)

[@sandrahuibers8081]

Wait, so ... That was really real?

[@mortified776]

@@sandrahuibers8081 That was indeed Sultan Mehmed IV's letter of 1676 to the Zaporozhian Cossacks requesting that they kindly cease resisting his rule and that indeed was their reply.

[@QemeH]

There is a famous painting that alledges to document the meeting where the reply letter was drafted. It shows all the leaders of the Cossacks huddled around the one penning the letter, some bent over with laughter, some suggesting new insults with an evil grin, but all having the time of their life. It is simpy called _Zaporozhian Cossacks write to the Sultan of Turkey_ and is one of the funniest painting out there (if you know this backstory).

[@stevenbyford5615]

I know the painting. It's hilarious to imagine someone in that crowd shouting "Tell him he's a goat fucker!"

[@spanishsass7662]

This one? :D en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks

[@StupidLittleNobody]

It was worth Googling, thanks!

[@pumpkinknight5732]

I also had to give it a google... I want this painting on my wall, right next to Dogs playing poker. Shirtless bald guy definitely came up with "couldn't slay a hedgehog with your own naked arse."

[@kennykewn5182]

Read an translated letter, and capaldi takes some ( brilliant) literary artistic licence, but it works!!!

[@midnightmosesuk]

This is a big favourite of mine, the letter never fails to make me laugh. By all accounts the writing was a team effort with the Zaprozhian Cossacks trying to outdo each other with suggestions for insults. I can imagine them all laughing their heads off each time someone came up with a new one.

[@arnaudmenard5114]

well...thats humans! any age, any era...we will draw a dick on a wall and giggle about it...

[@andreynagorny2067]

There is a famous Ukranian painting about that Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks Look it up, it's literaly what you imagend

[@doyinskeiwakr9682]

​@@andreynagorny2067Thank you! I searched it out and you're right it is exactly what I hoped for. They're having such a good time coming up with the grossest insults they can think up 😂

[@jonpopelka]

Right on, man. Slava Ukraini! 🇺🇦

[@roboticbrain]

Someone needs to put these two in a odd couple buddy show together immediately

[@lilymarinovic1644]

Man that would be awesome!

[@stels4242]

I vote Peter Capaldi to join What We Do In The Shadows immediately

[@supersheepy09]

Omg. Peter Capaldi as some sort of crazy old wizard. Heck yeah!

[@eggontoast9697]

An older withnail & I would be amazing with those two

[@DomR1997]

That would be fucking amazing.

[@floralovespringandflowers6227]

"An idiot before God." 😂😂😂 "...and we don't own a calendar." 😂😂😂 Btw, I love Matt Berrys voice! He could read mathbooks to me and I would love it.

[@serinatang4184]

Strangely enough, I would love to know if he talks like that at home? Everything I have seen him in he has that voice.

[@erakfishfishfish]

@@serinatang4184I read in an interview that he finds pompous accents funny, so that’s why all of his characters sound like that.

[@serinatang4184]

@@erakfishfishfish Interesting. With other people I think it would wear thin, but for some reason he makes it work in everything I have seen of him.

[@shawnalfaro6943]

SPEAK PRRRRRREIST!!

[@bestsimsmom]

I looove his way of talking. Especially on what we do in the shadows.

[@Citizen_J]

Berry's opening was so strong, you could see Capaldi switch gears in real time. Loved it!

[@vickyzimmer527]

Peter Capaldi will forever be angry eyebrows to me. His Scottish rage is the MOST entertaining. ❤

[@alextrill5829]

Those are attack eyebrows!

[@folkloreofbeing]

Scottish rage is funny. Except when you grow up with it.

[@aec9174]

The world needs Scottish Cossacks!!

[@hwelch2]

😄

[@joshroolf1966]

A terrifying yet hilarious concept!...😂🙈🧠💢

[@marioguidotomasone1265]

This wasnae a simple Scottish Cossack, this was a Glaswegian Cossack!

[@Electricshrock]

Yes! Scottish Spartans just wasn't enough.

[@cherylthommo1]

Called Tucker ❤

[@syberbeynon]

Capaldi's accent is perfect for that stream of insults.

[@MarcusBurkenhare]

This is why I love both Peter Capaldi and Matt Berry. Magnificent.

[@000xyz]

Both fantastic doctors

[@HikaruKatayamma]

ROFL! Peter was PERFECT for this! Gotta love that Scottish rage!

[@AmandaJYoungs]

I think Matt was perfect casting too for that opener. It was inspired on both sides!

[@jbrubin8274]

Right? I have a friend who knows it cracks me up and depending on his mood, I’ll receive a recording of him losing it. There’s nothing more entertaining and satisfying than seeing/hearing that happen off the cuff. I tip my cap. 😂🤭🤣💯

[@CatsJP]

Peter puts my Scottish fathers rage to shame…he’s nowhere near as wild or a passionate when he goes of the deep end.

[@DevinJHiggins]

The 'attack eyebrows' were on full display for this one.

[@Anil18834]

Matt Berry is terrific and this combo is fantastic, but Peter Capaldi is peerless. I fell in love with him in "The Thick Of It" and after all these years, he's still my favorite Scotsman. The vein on the right side of his temple looks like he's about to have a stroke out of anger 😂

[@HeatyFrog]

The real genius of this is the reaction of whichever one isn't talking

[@Tolly7249]

Peter Capaldi having great fun with his letter, Matt Berry having the perfect voice for the 'Grandson of God'. A true delight!

[@stephenaxon3673]

If you only watched Calpaldi's response, the look on Matt Berry's face would make you believe that Peter Capaldi has just started to insult him and he's left bewildered. It's so funny! I would watch hours of these two reading letters, but I'd love a comedy series including them both. Great actors!

[@chrishateley5582]

I want to see an exchange between Matt Berry and Brian Blessed. Or some sort of production where they play father and son. I don't care what it's about, somebody just make it happen.

[@firedragonosis]

Watch Toast of London S3E3

[@chrishateley5582]

@@firedragonosis Awesome, thank you 🙂

[@AenesidemusOZ]

I I mediately thought of Brian Blessed too. 😂

[@codibooker5091]

I’m sad we never got that episode of Doctor Who in Capaldi’s era with Matt as the Monk, truly would’ve been a lot of fun 😭

[@graceharrison7066]

Omg Matt as the monk now that's an opportunity

[@Pea_Green]

Just when I think I can't love Peter Capaldi more . . . . . he does this. Be still, my beating heart.

[@alyzu4755]

Oh yes! 😍

[@1midnightfish]

Peter Capaldi should be made an honorary Cossack!

[@kikidevine694]

Just what The Doctor ordered

[@RealSalica]

I love Peter Capaldi so much !🤣

[@LettersLive]

Peter absolutely slays this letter!

[@lifesabeachnyc8568]

@@LettersLiveHe really does. Inspired to start a The Thick of It rewatch tonight. 🤣

[@evalynsinclair9715]

peter capaldi is so funny, he puts 110% into every single word of this delivery, we are truly blessed to have him as the doctor

[@CeruleanDragon1]

I got this feeling like Peter Capaldi heard all that and then looked at his letter and was about to say, "I think I got shafted on this deal." and at one point Matt Berry looked like he wanted to stop Capaldi and ask if that was really in the letter or if he was making things up. XD

[@Compyniro]

For some reason "AND WE DON'T OWN A CALENDAR!" is the scariest/funniest bit of this!

[@JD1010101110]

Nice to know Malcolm Tucker found work after the Enquiry.

[@TheOodoneOut44]

This is the best crossover ever. Always wanted to see 12 in his true Scottish form

[@jadefire2817]

Watch him in "The Thick of it" (possibly Peter even out -Scottishes himself in it!

[@bash417]

Love this... 1:50 . Especially when Matt Berry turns to the crowd , Look on his face is priceless at 2:07 😂...brilliant acting by both .. Watched it 101th time !

[@kiers8136]

he doesnt look at the crowd at all, what the fuck are you talking about

[@MorpheusRishi]

Sir, your 12th Doctor is showing 😂😂

[@invaderjae]

I have no idea what's going on here. But this was fantastic. I love these two even more.

[@DomR1997]

Peter Capaldi is such a fantastic actor, one of my favorites, right alongside Matt Berry. This was such a special treat to see.

[@ottovonbearsmark8876]

I just found this, and I knew from the thumbnail which letter this was. I could not ask for a better combination than Peter Capaldi and the Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks

[@user-kc4rl6gt9t]

"We fear no army" Every word of Peter's reply spoken like a True Scot! Proud of ya Pete xx

[@extremely.hung.individual2693]

Any opportunity to hear Matt Berry speak his piece is a good one.

[@theavandenberg6876]

Nice to see another version of these great letters.

[@LettersLive]

Pleased you enjoyed it! Always fun to see what different performers do with the same letters x

[@Freeden]

Forget Morgan Freeman, I want Matt Berry to read my eulogy. He would make my funeral so much fun.

[@robertriteman3227]

It would even better if he read it as Jackie Daytona

[@Freeden]

@@robertriteman3227 There really should be more Jackie Daytona out there.

[@robertriteman3227]

There needs to be a spin off after the series ends. @@Freeden

[@herbieshine1312]

This is going in my "Things to make me laugh on bad days" playlist. Thank you for uploading!

[@EvaMagae1983]

Your list is a great idea and inspired me to make mine, thank you!

[@waffles9967]

Didn't know how important to my mental well-being this exchange would be until after seeing it. Its glorious.

[@partial.truisms]

the moral of the story is that, like us, our predecessor's are deeply adept at verbal nuclear warfare

[@hhhieronymusbotch]

Human decency demands we crowdfund a full cinematic adaptation of this asap

[@dingopearl]

Those two guys are the greatest.

[@Football__Junkie]

I could listen to Matt Berry read TV Guide

[@MSKDphantom]

Peter Capaldi is an international treasure and needs to be protected.

[@WorldGoods]

Even the Sultan didn't know how to respond to that one

[@Ordinaryguy82]

Capaldi would be an amazing Van Helsing as the genuine one on “what we do in the shadows”😂🤣

[@CloneJFK]

My absolute two favourite actors. Malcolm Tucker / Twelve / The Angel Islington vs Laszlo Cravensworth / Todd Rivers / Douglas Reynholm. Two giants of the screen.

[@ValiantWrestling]

Capaldi was Doctor 13, not 12.

[@TurfyBrolan]

Definitely was in Tucker mode. “YOU WILL SEEE ME AGAIN!”

[@CloneJFK]

@@ValiantWrestling War Doctor doesn't add to the number scheme

[@lasciamidasolo]

finally someone who also remembers capaldi for his performance as the angel islington! he was hauntingly perfect for the role

[@PrinceoftheAbyss]

That was the most epic string of swearing and insults I have ever heard.

[@anndevries8267]

It’s the reaction shots that get me.

[@DMLand]

I kinda feel sorry for Matt Berry: this is Peter Capaldi's wheelhouse.

[@briankehew579]

At least we could understand what he said.

[@DMLand]

@@briankehew579 Love his voice and his terrifying rage.

[@lordhirudo5311]

Well, that may very well be the most honest political correspondence I’ve ever heard.

[@iainharper3926]

These guys were perfect choices to read their respective letters 😂

[@jedhood6986]

Why do I really want Capaldi to just call me and curse me out for no reason? Would make my entire life.

[@1midnightfish]

Apparently this letter was a fake, written at least a century after the events, but if that's the case, it's got to be one of the best fakes in history! If you do an image search for "The Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire" you will find the glorious painting inspired by this letter in the late 19C. I was talking about this painting just two days ago with a Ukrainian friend, I'll be sending her the link to this video!

[@UmbrellaSound]

Yeah, the latest research shows that it was probably a Polish pamphlet. But still brilliantly written.

[@garvielloken3103]

It sounds like something that was written by a group of people. "Oh, oh, I have a good one! Call him a Podolian thief!"

[@intello8953]

@@garvielloken3103bru exactly 😂

[@VideoMask93]

@@garvielloken3103that’s how the Ilya Repin painting shows it, too.

[@ledatape]

thank you! the backstory to the painting is amazing... what a rabbit hole! - btw is your handle a robyn hitchcock reference? groovy decay is massively underrated. 8^(

[@everettharris967]

Thank you KZbin algorithm for suggesting this to me, two of my favorites, both elite at delivering fiery insults.

[@ginonovanta]

Now imagine if they actually did that Doctor Who story with Matt as the Monk

[@molluskweddin]

One of the shows great missed opportunities.

[@DominickvdHoff]

Amazing readers! Although I feel like the reply should have been given by a group of people laughing together and each adding insults, like the painting depicted

[@Lowlandlord]

Group needs to be all Scots though, Scots swearing is just top notch :P

[@realhorrorshow8547]

In case anyone is interested here's a link to the painting: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks#/media/File:Ilja_Jefimowitsch_Repin_-_Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks_-_Yorck.jpg Those boys knew how to have a good time, stylish dressers too.

[@lifesabeachnyc8568]

@@realhorrorshow8547 Thanks, much appreciated. Was just going to look for it.

[@shahosh]

Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks

[@SAMTYLER1974]

Damn, Berry’s inimitable enunciation and Capaldi’s captivating accent may just be as good as rhubarb and custard!

[@rosepalmer73]

Just my thoughts, the audience is laughing, because as of today, this is funny with the Scottish accent, but I bet back in the day this is truly a heated argument, and I bet a lot of people ended up fighting and dying over it. History always repeats itself, and through these letters like this one you can see it. Thank you for sharing💕💐

[@garethmaccoll4374]

I doubt anybody ended up fighting and dying over this exchange since according to the scholarship, the letters are apocryphal. Seems to have originated as a joke and in later decades and centuries, various translations and versions popped up here and there, gaining popularity as religious/political propaganda during times of heightened conflict with the Ottoman Empire.

[@lisahoshowsky4251]

This actually made me laugh aloud, perfect casting of them both😂😂😂

[@MorningGI0ry]

Malcolm tuckers career took a different path after the inquiry.

[@M-Cherian]

That was INFINITELY satisfying. Thank you for posting!

[@ms.antithesis]

capaldi going full Tucker on a letter is fucking beautiful.

[@weatherwitchandfelinefamiliars]

The delivery of this was absolutely Fantastic!!! 😮😂❤❤❤

[@brantbowers6368]

I always love these videos, thanks for filling out my wishlist!

[@Lowlandlord]

Knew and loved this as soon as Matt started reading.

[@paulEmotionalaudio]

Two fantastic readers. Both masters of expression!

[@pdlagasse]

“Mehmed IV? This is the Zaporozhian Cossacks. Can you hear us?” “I can hear you, Zaporozhian Cossacks.”

[@thomasandrewclifford]

How does this even happen!? Capaldi and Berry is not the combo I would ever expect.

[@cmonkey63]

Ah, diplomacy at its best!

[@ax10mat1c]

Fantastic orators, both of them; I thoroughly enjoyed these readings.

[@paulpowis5914]

Simply sublime. Thank you.

[@dannycampbell6223]

I could watch a couple of hours of that, brilliant.

[@jbrubin8274]

0:02 You had me at Peter & Matt. I can’t wait to see what hilarity is about to ensue. But I’ve watched/read enough of both to know that this is the kind of genius pairing the world has been waiting for… (Don’t let me down guys or my bold, pre-watching stance is going to make the optics so bad for me. 😜🤞) 😂😂

[@BeeWhistler]

Was there ever really a risk? :D

[@jbrubin8274]

@@BeeWhistler lmao- Fair point, not a real big risk at all. 💯😂🤣🙌

[@Pea_Green]

My daughter sent me the link . . . I was perplexed . . . I read it as Mary Berry. I was in stitches before they even got going!!!!!!

[@jbrubin8274]

@@Pea_Green lol- that sounds like something I’d totally do myself. 💯💯 Glad I wasn’t the only one who found themselves in stitches. (Pretty sure my next door neighbor didn’t appreciate the cackling that came out of my mouth at like 3am.) Oh well. 🤷‍♀️ Worth it. 💯🤭😂

[@Seahawkess]

“Peter and Matt…let hilarity ensue!” roared a god from on High.

[@averyeml]

Two of the best to ever do it going back and forth is a real treat

[@YoJesusMorales]

Great delivery on the both of them, hilarious, even though missed something here and there.

[@butIforgotmypen...]

I could listen to Peter Capaldi recite the phone book, and I'd be happy.

[@augiemardesich]

I don't know... Matt Berry's delivery was powerful and commanding, (would love to see him do Hamlet's 'to be or not to be') but Peter Capaldi's performance was just so much fun to watch! Also, Peter would make an awesome vampire!

[@stefanthesailor967]

PMQs could learn a lot from these two

[@AmandaJYoungs]

Not Mhairi Black, though! She will be much missed (at least by me) come the next election when she stands down - although to be fair, she was probably only ever thinking it!

[@alxf2411]

this is amazing, capaldi makes everything so much better with his accent 😂😂😂

[@hs4619]

This just has the kind of energy I was looking for today.

[@captainsplifford]

This is sublime!

[@HellfireComms]

I'm so glad this popped up in my feed.

[@RealCelticGamer]

In a word: brilliant!

[@dsantamaria713]

Absolutely BRILLIANT!!!! I love this!!!!❤❤❤❤

[@An_Awful_Jack]

I went in expecting The Monk Vs The Doctor, and got Laszlo Vs Malcolm Tucker

[@owlsmirror1726]

There's a really funny painting called "Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks" by Ilya Repin that depicts this situation

[@autiejedi5857]

Even better when read by a Scot! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💜

[@_Raven_]

My soul needed this

[@sophiaaldous3199]

“Pig! Pig!! Pig!!!” 😂

[@Strigulino]

I could listen to Matt Berry reading anything. He could just count for all I care.

[@tiffanyannhowe1712]

Omg this has to be one of the best ever!!!!! 🖤🖤🖤

[@darthmonkey7718]

Just beautiful